Lose The One You Love
by Discordia81
Summary: San Francisco lawyer, Bella Swan, struggles to cope with the loss of her long-term boyfriend, Riley. Lonely and grief-stricken, she loses herself in a string of one-night stands, convinced she'll never find love again. Museum curator, Edward Cullen, may be the man to change Bella's mind. Could he be her second chance for love?
1. Prologue: Nightmare

Disclaimer: _All publicly recognizable characters, settings, etc. are the property of their respective owners. The original characters and plot are the property of the author. The author is in no way associated with the owners, creators, or producers of any media franchise. No copyright infringement is intended._

**Story Note:**  
Warning: _If you aren't comfortable with the idea of a Bella not fully committed to Edward from the beginning this may not be the story for you. Edward and Bella will have their HEA, and if you're willing to be patient about them getting there, it will be worth it._

This story is 90% written, and we plan to stick to a weekly posting schedule. Updates will happen every Thursday, barring major catastrophe.

**Author Notes:**Over a year ago, Kherisma and I were talking about my plans to continue a one-shot I'd written. I was stuck for plot ideas and she told me about a plot idea for a story that she had. She said she wasn't sure she would ever write it, but it had been in her head for a while. I loved the plot and the more we talked the more eager I was to tell her story. After we hammered out the plot ideas, we created a summary. Most chapters I wrote the bulk of, under the guidance of Kherisma. Without her, this story never would have happened. She poked, prodded, and nudged me to be a better writer.

It's the first time we've ever written collaboratively, but we found it to be an incredibly wonderful process. We occasionally want to strangle each other, but have both learned so much and have truly enjoyed the entire process. We love this story so deeply and it's become such a huge part of our lives this past year.

Big smoochy hugs to our incredible team of betas: karenec, LJ Summers, AmeryMarie, and jakeward. Without them, Kherisma would have had a meltdown.

**Prologue: Nightmare**

"Riley, no! Please, don't go, Riley," I cried out.

"Bella," he called, reaching for me.

"Don't leave me," I whimpered.

"Bella, you have to wake up. You're having a nightmare." A worried male voice broke through the muddled haze of the dream. Disoriented, I felt myself snap back into wakefulness. My breathing was harsh and ragged in the quiet room and I was sweaty and disheveled. I wiped away the tears from my cheeks with the back of my hand. Grateful that he was okay, I threw myself at him and hugged him tightly. "Riley, you're all right."

"Riley is fine. It was a bad dream." It wasn't Riley whose arms were cradling me with such tenderness.

I pulled back to see Edward looking stricken. "Oh, Edward...I'm so..."

Nightmares about Riley were nothing new, but I had managed to always hide them or play them off to Edward before.

"Please. Don't. You had a bad dream. We'll leave it at that."

Sick with guilt, I slid out of the bed and picked up my robe where it had been discarded the night before.

"You aren't leaving, are you?" His voice sounded raw and wounded.

"I need some fresh air."

I made my way down the winding staircase and out to the patio. I closed the door behind me and lifted my face to the night sky, trying to quell the sick feeling in my stomach. The air was cold and thick, the fog just starting to roll in off the bay. I heard the door open and then close, but Edward didn't speak. I wrapped the thin silk tighter around my body and stared at the glittering stars above.

I could hear him breathing in the silent night air. In and out. But he didn't say a word. I was sick with guilt at the way I was treating Edward. He deserved better. My heart screamed at me to apologize again and throw myself into his arms, but I remained frozen, afraid to even voice the words that were in my head.

Finally, I forced the words past my lips. "Why do you let me do this to you, Edward?"

He sighed and took a deep breath before leaning back against the patio wall. He didn't speak for a long time, but I knew he had heard me.

"I can't walk away," he said finally.

The guilt spiked like a knife and I clutched my chest, overwhelmed by the promise behind those words. He was telling me he would never leave me. But how could I trust that? I had been awful to Edward, and yet he was giving me everything I needed. Far more than I deserved.

"I don't understand."

"You don't have to." He stepped closer and I could feel the heat from his body behind me. "You just have to trust me."

"I do," I whispered. "It's myself I don't trust."

"I know." He touched a hand to my arm and I felt the warmth of his skin and the comfort it always provided. "Come back to bed."

"Give me a minute. I just need a minute alone."

He hesitated and then let out a heavy sigh as if reluctant to leave me there.

"Okay." He pressed a kiss to the top of my head and it was so tender that I had to close my eyes

to keep from crying. "I'll be waiting."

**Author End Notes:** Feel free to stop by to chat or look for teasers in the following places:  
Facebook: www*facebook*com/DiscordiaWriter  
Twitter: DiscordiaWrites and kharisma2  
Tumblr: discordiawriter*tumblr*com/

Ffn is being even crankier about links than usual. Copy and paste and don't forget to replace * with a period.


	2. Chapter 1: Routine

Disclaimer: _All publicly recognizable characters, settings, etc. are the property of their respective owners. The original characters and plot are the property of the author. The author is in no way associated with the owners, creators, or producers of any media franchise. No copyright infringement is intended._

Big thanks to our incredible team of betas: karenec, LJ Summers, AmeryMarie, and jakeward. You ladies rock our socks!

**Chapter One: Routine**

* * *

For the past four months, I have had a routine. My alarm went off every weekday morning at precisely 4:30 a.m. I got up immediately, slipped into my robe, and made my bed. I put in my contacts, washed my face, and brushed my teeth. I dressed in workout clothes, grabbed my iPod and headed out.

As I left my building, I scrolled down to my running playlist, and headed northeast on Mission Street towards Pier 14 on Embarcadero. As the sound of Mute Math's "Reset" began to play, I scanned the streets around me. The city was cold and damp with fog, almost completely lifeless at this time of morning, only the shuffle of early merchants preparing for the usual hustle and bustle of a regular San Francisco day. With each stride I took, I felt my muscles slowly stretching, the adrenaline and drive I felt burning away the multitude of thoughts floating around in my head. I ran to get away; it cleared my mind and centered me. It helped me get through each interminable day. Without it, I felt off-kilter and out of control. It's the only time I could think and feel nothing at all. Just me.

The bay was to my right and the city to my left. I soaked in the smell of the fresh, salty air and felt myself begin to wake up. I took the same route nearly every morning and it was as familiar to me as breathing. The dark sky was illuminated only by the amber glow of the streetlights and the lights in the high-rise buildings and businesses that lined my path. The piers stretched out to my right, lined with shipping ports, warehouses, and restaurants. Riley and I had spent many nights along this road, eating dinner or just strolling along the water, hand in hand. I missed him.

I turned the corner and ran along Pier 39 and The Fisherman's Wharf. The scene was so very different compared to what it will be in just a few hours' time. The path I run along the water lead me along Hyde Street Pier and before I could blink, I saw it; the last restaurant we had been to together. The night my life fell apart. It was masochistic of me to relive that moment, but I couldn't stop myself. I reached the end of my run and stared at it for a moment in the dim early morning light, my breath leaving my chest in heavy gasps as I felt my emotions swelling inside.

I could still picture Riley sitting in front of me, handsome in a black suit and soft blue tie, nervously fidgeting in his seat. I still felt his fingers in mine and his words echoed in my mind, _"Bella, I have something I want to tell you."_

I swallowed hard, fighting back the tears that threatened every time I reached the restaurant at the mid-point of my run. I turned up the volume of my music until it drowned out all the thoughts in my head, clearing my mind. I turned and headed back the way I came, pushing harder and faster to get away, my grief fueling my energy. When I reached Mission Street again, my playlist ended and I slowed, jogging part of the way, then finally came down to a walk. I walked the rest of the way back to my apartment building, and stared at my distorted reflection in the brushed metal panels of the elevator as it rose to my floor.

I took a shower and got ready for work, pulling myself together just enough to look professional. I settled on a grey suit with a pencil skirt, white silk blouse, and black heels while I reviewed my schedule and what I would have to face at the office the coming day. I slipped on the diamond necklace and earrings my father had given me for my graduation from Stanford. These days they felt like a piece of armor I put on. Wearing them bolstered my courage. They were a reminder of his faith in me and his pride in my accomplishments.

I double-checked that my apartment was neat and tidy, grabbed my briefcase from my office, and left for work. I rarely ate breakfast, but if I did, it was a piece of fruit, or some yogurt. I was hardly ever hungry anymore, but ate mostly to keep up appearances.

Like most mornings, Jacob Black was stationed at the large wood and granite desk in the lobby. He nodded at me.

"Morning, Miss Swan."

"Good morning, Jacob."

I left the building and walked a quarter of a mile to 425 Market Street, where the office building I worked in was located. Tully's Coffee was located on the ground floor of the building and I stopped to pick up my usual café latte.

As I made my way through the lobby, I nodded politely to Paul, the security guard who operated the desk.

I took the elevator to the twenty-eighth floor where Swan and Volturi Associates was located, and walked briskly to my office. When my Grandfather Swan opened the law office, it was very small. Within ten years, it had grown to be more than he could handle on his own. He hired a promising young lawyer named Aro Volturi, fresh out of law school. My father joined the firm out of law school, and developed quite a list of loyal clients. He used the money he made to take on a number of pro bono cases, making the firm's reputation more and more well known in the city. The law firm of Swan and Volturi became one of the most successful San Francisco had to offer.

Charlie and Aro were ten years apart in age and very close. Aro became more and more eccentric as he aged but he was still mentally sharp and one of the most astute lawyers I had ever met. He was essentially retired, but popped into the office now and then. Aro intimidated most of the other lawyers in the office, but I could see past his demeanor. He was very smart and always a step ahead; he was someone I respected very much.

I was far less fond of his son Alec. Late in life, Aro married a young woman named Jane and they had a son named Alec. He was born just five years before me. We had grown up together, but I had never felt like I knew Alec well at all.

Physically, he was similar to his father, of a moderate height and build with black hair and very dark brown eyes. The similarities ended there. Aro and my father had always been the model of integrity. When Alec joined the firm, he quickly developed a reputation as a cocky, entitled, salacious creep and I didn't trust him at all. There had never been any concrete proof of him doing anything illegal. But, there were several things that I had seen that made me very uncomfortable.

He had a habit of using the company credit card for expensive lunches and dinners. I had caught him coming on to more than one of the law clerks, and I'd seen women leaving his office looking disheveled. What concerned me the most was the time I had walked into his office without knocking and saw him with a client he was supposed to be doing pro bono work for. She looked guilty and uncomfortable and he looked smug. I didn't really seen anything when I walked in the room, but the look she had given me and how close they were standing gave me more than enough information to fill in the blanks. I kept a closer eye on him when he was with clients after that. Until I had more proof, I couldn't go to Charlie.

Alec had never done anything directly to me, but I was concerned about the direction he would take the practice once his father officially retired. Charlie was nearly retired as well, but he still had his long-standing clients that he saw occasionally. For the most part, Alec was the only partner in the office on a daily basis. I had been out of law school and working at the firm for four years. Although Aro and Charlie could have made me partner, I preferred to put in my time and not receive special favors. I was however in line for it, and once I made partner, Charlie would officially retire.

I was typically one of the first people in the office each morning; having a few minutes of peace before the phone started to ring and someone needed something gave me time to clear my head. I took a seat at my desk to check my calendar for the day, sipping my coffee as I went over what meetings and appointments I had lined up.

My current assistant, Lauren, was mostly useless. She was from a temp agency, filling in for my assistant, Gianna, who was on maternity leave. I had a great working relationship with Gianna and was counting the days until she returned. Lauren might have done all right in the average office, but a law office required a special skill set that Lauren completely lacked. She was in awe of the idea of working for us, and she spent half her day trying to listen in on client meetings and the other half flirting with the male lawyers. Alec was the worst, he was always hanging around her desk, and staring down her shirt at her ample cleavage; Lauren just seemed to encourage it. When she was actually focusing on the job, she did a good job managing my appointments. I might have been able to handle her sloppy work ethic and ditsy moments, but I suspected she was actually there to snag a wealthy lawyer for a husband.

The firm was divided into two practice groups: civil litigation and criminal litigation. Aro had been head of the criminal litigation group and Alec had taken that over for him. Charlie was still head of civil litigation and I had followed in his footsteps. Each group had a handful of other lawyers, paralegals, and assistants who handled the cases. For the most part each lawyer had their own cases but we often met with each other for consults and advice. It never hurt to have a fresh perspective on a tricky case, and I was grateful that other than at office meetings and in the break room, I rarely had to interact with Alec. Our firm had the reputation of being able to tackle the toughest cases and come out on top, and I was proud of that.

One of the lawyers on the civil side was Vanessa, who was my closest friend. We had gone to Georgetown law together and hit it off immediately, despite our differences. Vanessa often worked closely with Alec though, thankfully, she could hold her own against him. Although she found him just as distasteful as I did, she had never seen him do anything that warranted a reprimand from Charlie and Aro. He was a jerk, but a clever one, and it was going to take more than casual observation to catch him.

I sighed and shook my head, pushing aside my phone. I had a meeting with a client in an hour and some notes I needed to make before I met with them. Contrary to what most people saw in movies and read about in books, I spent most of my days in the office. I was immersed in research and strategy, and spent more time in phone consultations than in a courtroom or meeting with clients face-to-face. But I had a case that was going to trial soon, so I had a client meeting that morning and was expecting a call from a judge later that afternoon about a deposition. The morning flew by, and even after the client had left, I had a stack of papers I needed to sort through to make sure I was ready for the trial the following week. The beeping of my phone reminded me that it was time to head out.

Some days I ate lunch at my desk, burying myself in case files while I had a sandwich from the deli down the street; again, mostly picking at it to keep my father off my back about my health. He was concerned about the weight I'd lost since Riley left and I didn't blame him. Grief had a way of disposing of your appetite. I constantly threw myself into my work; half of the time eating didn't even cross my mind.

Other days, like today, I left my office to meet Vanessa. It was odd; we didn't have much in common at all, but sometimes I wondered if that was the appeal. We usually walked a few blocks to The Plant, an organic vegetarian café that Vanessa loves. I met her at the front of the office and we waved goodbye to Bree before heading out.

"So, are you going out tonight?" I asked her once we were in the elevator.

"Definitely." Her eyes sparkled. "You know I'll never pass up an opportunity to meet a hot guy. It's been at least a week and I'm feeling frisky."

I laughed. I had never met anyone who had so much fun while going out, dancing, and leaving with a dozen guys' phone numbers. They were all lovesick over her by the time she left, although half of them never got a call back. The ones she did go out with rarely lasted more than a single night. Not that they didn't try, but she was ruthless. She was determined to stay single, and although her family was equally determined to find her a guy and get her to settle down, she fought it tooth and nail. I admired her zeal and the way she tore through life. There wasn't a meek bone in her body.

We used to have a girls night every few weeks; sometimes it was drinks at a bar, sometimes clubbing, or just hanging out at home talking all things dirt, gossip and of course, sex. But after Riley left for Washington D.C. five months ago, I just stopped… everything.

For a month, I was a wreck. I woke each day, pulled myself together just enough to get through, and dragged myself to work. I didn't eat, didn't sleep, and cried whenever I was alone. I couldn't let everyone see what a mess I had become. I felt like my heart had been ripped out of my chest and the hole that was left in its place was swallowing me alive, leaving me gasping for air. Everywhere I looked, I saw a memory. The stupidest things would take me from functional to completely falling apart, hyperventilating and doubled over to hold myself together. I had no interest in being social and the idea of so much as thinking about being with another guy made me sick to my stomach.

Finally, I immersed myself in work and running. If I could just keep my mind busy at work and not thinking about how my life had irrevocably changed I found I could function. And the running? Well, I felt like if I could just keep running, somehow I could get away from it all-if only for a moment. Dreams of Riley and I together plagued me and I rarely managed to get more than a few hours of sleep a night.

Vanessa had been supportive, and we'd spent more nights than she would have liked watching movies in my apartment and drinking wine. I wasn't the type to cry on her shoulder, and she wasn't really the type to listen to my deepest, darkest secrets. So, we talked about work, and clothes and her latest exploits with guys- anything to get my mind off it, really. She was sympathetic about Riley, but she had never been in a long-term relationship in her life and had no way of comprehending what it was like to lose someone you planned to spend the rest of your life with. I could tell she was getting frustrated with me, but I didn't really know what to do about it.

It finally came to a head today during lunch when Vanessa threw down a napkin in frustration and scolded me, right there in the middle of the restaurant.

"This is ridiculous, Bella. I'm tired of seeing you act like a ghost. You're not even here anymore. You work, you run, and you never smile. I'm not going to let you keep doing this to yourself. I am coming over after work and we're going to go out tonight. You're going to flirt, let guys buy you drinks, and you'll take their phone numbers. If one of them tries to kiss you, you are going to kiss them back. I know you're going to argue with me but it's useless, Bella.

"I know you miss Riley, I know you're hurting, but you are not going to turn into some dried-up old spinster. Not on my watch. You're young and gorgeous and you need to get over this." I sighed, knowing it was useless to argue with her- I just didn't have the will to fight.

"I'll go and have a couple of drinks."

"And kiss boys," she prompted.

"I...I don't know, Ness. I'm not sure I'm ready for that."

"Don't rule it out."

"Fine." I sighed. "I won't rule it out."

"Good." She tucked into the rest of her salad with a satisfied smirk. She caught me staring at her, gave me a saucy smile, and flipped her strawberry blond hair over her shoulder. I gave her a weak smile in response and she gave a squeak of excitement.

"I think that's the first genuine smile I've seen from you in months. We'll get you back in no time."  
She was positively gleeful at the idea of me dating again, but I was less convinced. There was no one who could replace Riley. No one. Still, the idea of going out and having fun was slightly appealing. I had been holed up in my apartment far too much and the thought of sitting in a bar with a drink wasn't bad. Better than a night alone in my bed, tossing and turning.

My afternoon was too busy to spend it thinking about my plans with Vanessa. In the chaos of trying to get Lauren to properly copy and collate the packet of information for the trial the following week, it completely slipped my mind.

"No, Lauren, I need four copies. One for the judge, one of the opposing counsel, one for me, and a back-up copy in case anything goes wrong." I struggled to keep my voice at an even keel, but I was frustrated with the fact that she kept making mistakes. "And they have to all be in the proper order. I can't reference something on page twenty-three, and have the twenty-third page behind page six and before page three. Do it again," I snapped.

"Fine," she huffed and teetered off on cheap, wobbly stilettos. She dressed like a tramp on a daily basis and still couldn't seem to manage the four-inch heels.

I sighed and sat back down at my desk, wanting to bang my head against it in frustration. I took a couple of deep, calming breaths and reviewed what I still needed to do before the trial. By the end of the day, Lauren had finally produced all four copies and Amy, one of the paralegals on the case, offered to double-check all of them for accuracy. With a grateful sigh, I handed the project over to her and finished sending out a final email for the night.

Although I'd been working late most Friday nights, tonight I packed up my work for the weekend as the rest of the office wrapped things up and made my way home. I had been living in the Millennium Towers for several years and I loved it. It was a fifty-eight-story high-rise that was the tallest building in San Francisco. I made my way through the sleek and modern lobby and waved to Jacob. He was a crotchety old man who had been there since I moved into the building. He meant well, but he had a habit of sticking his nose into my personal life and we occasionally squabbled. Still, I never managed to stay mad at him for long; it was nice to come home to a familiar face every night, even if he was a cranky old coot.

I unlocked the door to my condo on the twenty-fifth floor and went inside. I sighed with relief as soon as I walked in; I loved my place. It had been painful living there alone after Riley left, but I had hired an interior decorator to make the place over and it helped. It was decorated in soothing, neutral colors and as I made my way through the apartment, hanging up my jacket and depositing my briefcase in my office, I relaxed. The large floor to ceiling windows allowed light to flood in and, except for when I went to bed, I rarely closed the curtains, preferring to leave it as light and open as I could.

The floors were a mixture of hardwood flooring and plush carpet. I got very little use out of my kitchen, as I rarely cooked, but the living area was stylish yet warm and comfortable. I had two bedrooms and a home office, and three bathrooms; it was far too much space for one person but when we moved it had been with the intention of filling it with a family. I led a fairly solitary existence most of the time. Some days I didn't mind, but sometimes my empty apartment was too much of a reminder that my carefully planned life had crumbled around me.

* * *

**Author End Notes:**

Let us know what you think about chapter one and we'll see you next Thursday with chapter two!

Feel free to stop by to chat or look for teasers in the following places:

Facebook: www*facebook*com/DiscordiaWriter  
Twitter: DiscordiaWrites and kharisma2  
Tumblr: discordiawriter*tumblr*com/

Ffn is being even crankier about links than usual. Copy and paste and don't forget to replace * with a period.


	3. Chapter 2: Trying

**Top Author Notes:**

Disclaimer: _All publicly recognizable characters, settings, etc. are the property of their respective owners. The original characters and plot are the property of the author. The author is in no way associated with the owners, creators, or producers of any media franchise. No copyright infringement is intended._

Big thanks to our incredible team of betas: karenec, LJ Summers, and jakeward. You ladies are the best.

* * *

**Chapter Two: Trying**

I glanced at the clock in my bedroom and realized I didn't have long before Vanessa arrived. After pinning up my hair to keep it from getting wet, I took a quick shower. She had promised to meet me at my place to help me get ready. She had also promised to bring me a dress to wear, which made me nervous. She was gorgeous, and we had a similar build, but her tastes were far more provocative than mine were. At work, she was polished and sophisticated, but she liked to let loose when she went out.

The bathroom was luxurious with a beautiful soaking tub and frameless glass shower. The floors and shower were a pale limestone, and the double vanity was topped with richly veined brown marble. In the past it had been one of my favorite rooms in the apartment, although it had been a long time since I'd taken the time to soak in the tub and relax.

I had just stepped out of the shower and into a robe when I heard a knock on the door. I tightened the belt and walked over; peering out the peephole to make sure it was Vanessa before I opened it. When I saw that it was her, I hurried to open it. She was dressed casually and carrying a large tote and garment bags.

I reached for the bag I assumed my dress was in, but she smacked my hands away.

"You can't look till you see it on." Something about her words instantly made me anxious.

"Why does that worry me?" I asked her, taking the other bag and carrying it into my room.

She hung the garment bag on a hook in my closet and took the other bag into the bathroom. "I have no idea. You should have more faith in me."

Although I knew I could trust her, the entire situation had me slightly on edge. I eyed her skeptically and she pointed to the low stool in front of the vanity. "Sit. I'm going to curl your hair."

Ten minutes later, my hair was in hot rollers and she had spun me around to do my makeup.

I nodded at the appropriate times when she talked, but I found myself getting lost inside my head. I wondered what Riley was doing tonight, and if he was missing me as much as I was missing him. I was looking forward to going out with Vanessa, but I would have traded it in a heartbeat for a night on the couch, watching idiotic TV with Riley.

We traded spots while she did her own makeup and hair and I spent the time staring at myself in the mirror, not sure of whom I was at all anymore. I hadn't done my makeup for a night out since Riley had left. I hardly recognized myself.

I looked good; my cheeks were flushed, and my eyes were darkly made up, and my lips were a glossy nude color. When she was done, she styled my hair into a low side ponytail. She swept my bangs to the side and left the ends of my long, brown hair curly. I slid into the dress she handed me from the garment bag and turned to look at myself in the mirror.

I stared at myself in shock. The dress she had brought over was gorgeous, and very, very small. Also, a huge change of pace from the comforting neutrals I'd been wearing in recent days. It was a sleeveless, V-neck dress, with a draped detail on the side. I turned and looked at it from the side, liking the asymmetrical hemline. The one thing I wasn't sure about was the color.

"It's so...red, Ness. Are you sure?" While I loved red—it was a sexy, confident color—I was feeling anything but. _"Couldn't I at least break into the waters a little slower?" _I thought.

"I'm sure," she said firmly. "You look ravishing and, if I have any say in it, you're not going to be coming home alone tonight."

"Thank goodness you _don't_have any say in it," I said dryly.

"Come on, Bella. There are oodles of men just waiting for us."

"Right." I rolled my eyes.

I slipped into a pair of my favorite black leather, peep toe Louboutin heels. I hadn't worn them in months, and liked the way the red soles matched my dress. I stared at myself in the mirror again, hardly recognizing my own reflection. It had been so long since I had gone out; I wasn't used to seeing myself in anything but work or exercise clothes. Maybe the occasional casual outfit on weekends, but even then, it was jeans and a shirt, hardly anything to get excited about.

I put on a jacket and grabbed my purse, and followed her out the door; my nerves building in the pit of my stomach.

She chattered excitedly to me on the cab ride to the club. I half-listened, absorbed in my own thoughts. I didn't even notice that we had stopped at Ruby Skye until she hopped out and held out a hand to me. I sat frozen in the back of the cab, unable to even slide to the side to step out. Vanessa took my hand, squeezed it and I took a deep breath and got out. _"I can do this," _I reminded myself.

Although there was a bit of a line in front of the club, Vanessa apparently knew the bouncers and they waved us right in. She continued to pull me behind her as I looked around in awe. The club was loud and full of people, seeming to have a good time but I felt as if I was in a bit of a fog. This was so different from how I'd spent my nights the past few months. I felt so disconnected from the world and the club scene. You could feel the energy in the place radiating throughout; it all felt so alive. It was easier to focus on the building rather than the people around me.

Ruby Skye was in a renovated Victorian playhouse. The contrast between the ornate architecture and the modern furnishings was interesting. Vanessa had been talking about it for ages, but it was the first time I had been there. There were two levels and four rooms, with several V.I.P areas. It had the vibe of an upscale lounge without being overly pretentious. We made our way through the main dance floor to one of the smaller lounges upstairs. The DJ was fantastic and though the music was loud, it wasn't impossible to talk. I was definitely looking forward to dancing later, considering how long it had been since I had gone out.

Once I was a table with a drink, I relaxed. Vanessa and I stuck to our usual drinks: a cranberry Cosmo for her and a Drambuie on the rocks for me.

"Any prospects?" she asked, looking around with a predatory gleam in her eye.

"I just sat down," I protested. "I haven't even had _time _to notice anyone."

"Well they've certainly noticed you." She tilted her head toward the bar.

I glanced casually over and looked back at Vanessa. There were two guys sitting at the bar, facing toward us, and staring. They were roughly our age, well-dressed and appeared to be into their looks just as much as half the girls in the place. As Vanessa turned around to give them another flirty glance, they stood up and began to walk over. I tried not to stare, but they were cute. I wondered which one Vanessa would go for. Probably the blond. But the guy with the jet black hair and blue eyes was certainly good looking, too. He smiled at me and when he drew closer, I tensed when I saw he was wearing a polo.

_"Not the one in the polo," _I thought, _"please, not him." _I had always teased Riley that ninety percent of his casual wardrobe was polo shirts. To my relief, the blond who sat down beside me was the one wearing a button down shirt. His eyes were a light green and he gave me a friendly smile.

"Hey, I'm Tyler." He stuck out his hand and I shook it.

"Bella."

"Can I get you another drink?" he asked.

I shook my head. "No, still working on this one, but I'll let you know when I need another."

"Deal." We stared at each other awkwardly for a moment and I wondered if he was waiting for me to make the first move. I didn't know how to flirt anymore. I had been with Riley since I was sixteen; apart from a few innocent kisses with other guys before we started dating, I hadn't been with anyone but him. I had absolutely no idea how even to strike up a conversation. _"Just think of it like a work event, or a cocktail party, Bella, it's not that hard,"_I reminded myself.

I opened my mouth to speak but he beat me to it.

"So, what do you do for a living, Bella?"

"I'm a lawyer."

"Oh, wow. Well, you're the prettiest lawyer I've ever seen."

"Thanks." My voice was tinged with confusion. I couldn't tell if he was trying to give me a genuine compliment or if he was being condescending. My social skills were rusty.

He must have read my confusion because he hastily added, "I'm sorry. That came out wrong. I just wanted to say that you're very beautiful, and I'm impressed that you're a lawyer. It's rare to find a woman who is beautiful and smart."

"I think you'd be surprised," I said dryly, irritated by his sexist comment. "My friend, Vanessa, is a lawyer, as well, and she graduated from Harvard at the top of her class. What do you do for a living?" I asked him.

"I'm a sports writer."

I nodded. In the past, I tried to follow sports enough to make intelligent conversation with Riley's interests. But I hadn't paid much attention since he'd left.

"I'll be honest, I'm not really current on my teams," I admitted. "I used to be, but it's been a while."

"That's all right. I am sure we have plenty of other things in common." I fought the urge to roll my eyes. We had known each other for all of five minutes and he was already making presumptions. I knew my reaction was bitchy, but I just couldn't help it, I really wasn't feeling into this. I saw Vanessa out of the corner of my eye giving me a surreptitious thumb up. I shook my head minutely at her and tried to make a conversation with Tyler, but it was useless. He was nice, but we couldn't find a single topic to discuss. Politics, current events, hobbies, absolutely none of them meshed. Apparently, having an Ivy League education doesn't come in handy for everything.

After a while, we were both feeling frustrated and I saw him glance around the bar probably trying to find an out. I looked over at Vanessa again and thankfully, she saw my distress because she jumped up immediately and grabbed my hand.

"Bella and I need to make a trip to the ladies' room. Bye, boys!"

Before I knew what was happening I found myself halfway across the club. She tugged me into the hallway by the restrooms and gave me a concerned look.

"How'd it go? You looked like you were about to freak out."

"Okay, I guess. We had nothing in common at all; he was kind of a sexist ass. I tried; it just got really awkward."

She shrugged. "There will be plenty more guys tonight, maybe one of them will do it for you."

That was always her philosophy. But as the night went on and I had a few drinks, we danced more and more, I did begin to loosen up a little. By the third round when I got the occasional winks or flirty smile from a guy, I had begun to feel a little bit better about myself. I was on my way to buzzed when two large hands wrapped around my hips and I was pulled back into a very aroused male body. I jumped in surprise and whirled around to find the worst cliché of a slime ball club guy I'd ever seen. He was over tanned, spent way too much time lifting weights, and had on a low V-neck shirt that showed off a disturbing amount of chest hair. Not to mention the fact he had to be at least fifteen years older than me, which was way too old for this club's scene.

"Hey, where are you going, baby?" he asked. "I wanted to dance."

"Well, I don't want to dance with you," I said automatically.

"Aww, come on, baby. I saw the way your hips were moving, you want this."

I stared at him incredulously. "Does that really work on women?" I asked.

"I dunno; let me know in the morning when you wake up under me." He leered at me and made a grab for my body. Just as I turned quickly to avoid him, a hand shot out and grabbed his wrist.

"Leave her alone, she's not interested." The man's voice was calm and controlled but I could see the muscles in his forearm flex.

"Aww, come on, don't be a spoilsport," the sleazy jerk huffed. "She was totally into me."

"Walk away now, and we won't have a problem. I have no qualms about getting a bouncer to throw you out of here." I could tell by his tone that he was serious.

"Fine, man, whatever. I don't need this shit," he scoffed and walked away, already eyeing his next prospect.

"Are you all right?"

I turned to look at the man standing in front of me and he smiled. He had blond hair, baby blue eyes, and sparkling white teeth. He was dressed in a Navy blue shirt, blazer, and nice jeans. _"You're cute," _I thought with some surprise.

He frowned and hesitantly held his hand out toward me without actually touching me. "Miss, are you all right?"

I snapped out of my daze and laughed lightly. "I'm sorry; I was just a little stunned. I'm fine, thank you. I appreciate the help getting rid of the Jersey Shore wannabe."

"Any time," he said gallantly. "Although, hopefully you won't run into him again."

I laughed. "It's all right; I have pepper spray in my purse."

He smiled at me. "If I do something to offend you, please at least give me a warning before you use it on me."

"All right, but you'd better be on your best behavior," I joked. All of a sudden, it clicked. "_This is flirting. The teasing, light-hearted banter we have going on. I can do this."_

"Scout's honor."

"I bet you were a scout, too."

He gave me a sheepish smile. "Yep, the entire way through Eagle Scouts."

"Would you like to get a table and have a drink with me?" I asked impulsively.

He grinned at me. "I'd love to."

He escorted me to an empty table with a light touch on my elbow and pulled out a chair for me. I sat down and gave him a smile. He offered to buy me a drink and I asked him to get me a glass of white wine. I was already buzzed from the previous drinks and I didn't want to end up completely drunk. I watched him while he ordered and waited as the bartender made our drinks. He was average height, average weight, average everything really, except maybe his eyes and smile. But regardless of that, I liked him. He seemed like a nice guy. As he walked back to the table, he gave me another friendly smile.

"Your drink." He placed it in front of me and as he took a seat next to me, his knee brushed my thigh.

"I'm Mike, by the way. Mike Newton."

"Nice to meet you, Mike, I'm Bella."

"Are you here with friends?" he asked.

"Just one friend, Vanessa." I pointed at the dance floor where she was mauling a guy. "We work together."

"Where do you work?" he asked. I told him and he asked several intelligent questions about my job. I found myself relaxing and enjoying the conversation with him quite a bit. He was in public relations, and when he said that they "typically focused on clients who were sports stars," I nearly groaned aloud. He must have seen the look on my face because he hastened to explain.

"I know, I know, but I promise, sports aren't the biggest thing in my life. I try to keep that at work. I honestly don't watch games in my free time much. I sometimes go to the games when I get free tickets, just for the networking I can do there. But trust me; I have a lot of other interests."

He did, too. Apparently, he was into rock climbing and had been taking an Italian cooking class lately. He was well-read and interested in similar works of literature I liked. We had been talking for a while when Vanessa came up to me, a dazed looking guy in tow.

She leaned down to speak in my ear. "Hey, we're headed out. Are you okay to take a cab home by yourself? If not, we can all leave together and have the cab drop you off at your place first."

"Yeah, I'm fine. I think I'm going to stick around and talk to Mike for a while actually."

She grinned at me. "Awesome. I can't wait to hear all about it tomorrow. Have fun. Be safe." She leaned in to speak a little more quietly. "Do you need a condom? I have plenty in my bag."

I laughed and shook my head at her. "I'm not sleeping with him, Ness," I said quietly. "We're just going to talk and maybe dance a little. Go have fun."

"Oh, I plan to have a lot of fun. His name is Armando. My goal is to make his neighbors sick of hearing it." She grinned salaciously and waved as she dragged him behind her.

I shook my head and turned back to Mike. "Sorry, she's a little over the top."

He shrugged. "She seems fun."

He took my hand and I had to fight back the overwhelming urge to yank my hand back. It just didn't seem right, but I pushed the thought away. What was wrong with me? Mike was a nice, interesting, cute guy who had been nothing but polite and thoughtful all night. He was exactly the type of guy I should be going after.

It felt so foreign though, to touch anyone but Riley. The whole idea of it was strange. But I had to face facts, Riley wasn't coming back from D.C. and I wasn't going to be moving there. We were over, and as much as it hurt, I couldn't turn into a hermit for the rest of my life. Just because I wasn't ready to actually date didn't mean I could enjoy a few drinks with Mike.

I tried to relax my hand in his. "I'm glad you decided to stay," he said.

"I'm glad I decided to stay, too," I admitted. "I'm having a nice time."

"I am, too. Would you like to dance?" he asked.

"Sure."

Once we were out on the dance floor, I realized how much I was enjoying myself. It felt good to move like that, and have a man notice me, to have him touch me, just a little. It was only his hand at my waist or my shoulder, but it felt good. I gave in to it, and let my body brush his. It was strange at first, but good, too. And when he pulled me a little tighter, I didn't protest.

"Can I kiss you?" he asked, his voice a little rough.

"Yes."

I felt my heart hammer in my chest as he leaned in. I wondered if it would ever stop feeling strange since it was someone other than Riley. But his lips were soft, and he tasted like a rum and coke. I was surprised to find my body responding to his, so I didn't stop when he pulled back and asked me—almost shyly—if I wanted to go back to his place.

I was sober enough to know I was making a rational decision, but buzzed enough to relax. And once we were in Mike's gorgeous high-rise condo and listening to music, it didn't take long before we were kissing on his couch. He was a good kisser, not too sloppy or wet. I couldn't help but compare him to Riley though. The texture of Mike's lips against my own was unfamiliar. I welcomed the difference but I longed for the lips that once brought me so much comfort.

I loved Riley, and no one could replace him. I didn't want to replace him, but I was lonely and it felt good to have Mike touch me. He ran a hand up my thigh and I didn't protest. I squirmed against him, and he pulled me closer, gently moving his hand to rest on my left breast. I felt my nipple tighten and I wondered if he could feel it through the two layers of my bra and dress.

"You are so hot," he muttered in my ear. His fingers teased up my thigh and I reached for his shirt with trembling hands, unbuttoning it as best I could with shaky fingers. He shrugged out of it and I ran my hand down his bicep. It flexed under my fingers and his hand touched the edge of my lace underwear beneath my skirt. I ignored the uneasy feeling in my stomach, trying to convince myself that I would get accustomed to the idea of being with someone else. I ran a hand down his chest and to his belt buckle, toying with it. I took a deep breath and reached my hand lower to the outside of his pants touching his erection, gently squeezing it.

"Fuck, that feels good," Mike groaned. I bit my lip, trying not to remember the way Riley would shudder when I ran a hand across his cock. Every time. Desperate to focus on the man in front of me, instead of the one thousands of miles away, I kissed him hard and shimmied so my dress was up around my waist. I grabbed his hand, coaxing it under my panties, to touch my wetness.

"Goddamn," he muttered. His fingers moved quickly then, delving into me, one and then another. I panted, wanting to rock against his hand, but feeling inexplicably guilty for enjoying it.

I kissed him again and pulled him closer, feeling his weight against me. He pushed me back onto the couch, his lips hungrily attacking me, his touches eager and needy.

Suddenly, it struck me how foreign his body felt against mine. I blinked back the tears that began to form in my eyes, trying to convince myself that I wanted this. That my discomfort was temporary and that I just needed to relax. But the smell was wrong, the touch was wrong, the taste was wrong, _everything was wrong!_With a stifled sob, I pulled back and Mike immediately stopped.

"Did I do something wrong?" he asked, looking concerned. He pulled back to sit on the couch beside me.

"No, it's me. I'm sorry, I—I can't do this. It's not you...it's just—I'm not..." I sniffled. "I can't. I'm sorry."

"Hey, it's okay." He grabbed a blanket from the back of the couch and wrapped it around me. "I won't do anything you don't want me to do."

"Thanks." I wiped at the tears and tugged the blanket snug, bringing my knees up under me.

"Do you want to talk about it?"

"No, not really." I sighed. "But I suppose I owe—"

"Hey, you don't owe me anything," he protested. "But I'll listen, if you want to tell me what happened."

Taking a moment to gather my thoughts, I thought and swallowed deep. "To make a very long story short, I was in a relationship with someone for twelve years. We broke up last fall and..." I trailed off as another wave of grief and guilt hit me. "I'm just not ready to be with someone else."

Mike nodded and reached for his shirt, buttoning it. "I'm sorry if I pushed you."

"No, you were great. You _are_great. You're a really nice guy. I thought I was ready to put this behind me but I guess I'm not."

"Would you rather just go out sometime? On a date? We could take it really slow."

I shook my head. "No, I don't think so, I'm sorry."

He shrugged. "It's a blow to the ego, but I understand. I'll survive it."

"I'm really sorry, Mike. I do like you and I am attracted to you; my head is just a mess right now."

"It's okay," he said. I could see he was upset at the way things had turned, but I could tell he was genuine in his acquiescence.

"I think I'm going to head out," I said, feeling awkward.

"Is there anything I can get you before you go?"

"A glass of water would be nice."

Mike stood up, adjusting his pants discreetly and disappeared into the kitchen. I hastily stood up and smoothed my dress and hair trying to right myself. Taking a few deep breaths, I looked in the mirror behind the couch to fix my smudged look; I was a little disheveled. When he returned with the water, I drank it in silence, contemplating the mess I had created.

He offered to call me a cab and hugged me goodbye before I left, placing a kiss on the top of my head. I felt foolish for my freak out, but Mike was sweet and understanding. I wanted to like him, I really did, but the thought of giving myself to anyone but Riley was impossible.

* * *

**Author End Notes:** Thanks for the reviews so far, you all have been great! Let us know what you think about chapter two and we'll see you next Thursday with chapter three!

Feel free to stop by to chat or look for teasers in the following places:  
Facebook: www*facebook*com/DiscordiaWriter  
Twitter: DiscordiaWrites and kharisma2  
Tumblr: discordiawriter*tumblr*com/

Ffn is being even crankier about links than usual. Copy and paste and don't forget to replace * with a period.


	4. Chapter 3: Memories

Disclaimer: _All publicly recognizable characters, settings, etc. are the property of their respective owners. The original characters and plot are the property of the author. The author is in no way associated with the owners, creators, or producers of any media franchise. No copyright infringement is intended._

Big thanks to our incredible team of betas: karenec, LJ Summers, and jakeward. Read their stuff, it's awesome!

* * *

**Chapter Three: Memories**

Once I was home and in my apartment, I changed into comfortable clothes and went into the bedroom. There was a box on the top shelf of my closet, which I hadn't opened in months, and I stared up at it apprehensively. I knew what was inside had the potential to make me break down, especially after the emotionally fraught night, but there was a part of me that wanted to give in to the grief. I just needed to feel close to Riley.

When Riley told me about the job opportunity in D.C. six months ago, I knew what it would mean. It meant either I'd have to give up Swan and Volturi to be with him or he'd have to go without me. It was never even an option for him to turn it down. I wouldn't let him. Everything he and his family had been working toward his whole life was at his fingertips. The only thing holding him back was me. It was the hardest decision I'd ever made in my life. My whole world for the last twelve years revolved around Riley and our relationship. But I couldn't turn my back on the firm, knowing it would fall into Alec's hands. Charlie needed me. So against my heart, I followed my head and told Riley to go to DC. It had been five months since he'd walked out of my life and there hasn't been a day since that I haven't wanted him back.

I sighed, lifted the box down from the shelf, and brought it over to the bed. There were dozens of journals inside; I had been writing since Charlie bought me my first one for my seventh birthday. I reached in and searched through them until I found the blue one. The one from my junior year of high school, the year Riley and I began dating.

_September 1, 1998_  
_I went to the football game tonight with Amanda. Riley was amazing. I couldn't take my eyes off him. It's weird, I've known him my whole life practically, but all of a sudden it's like I'm seeing him totally differently. The Labor Day trip changed everything._

_Laguna was so different this year. We've come here for years with the Biers and yet this trip, Riley has completely captured my attention. He has always been just the son of the people my parents are friends with and the brother of my friend, Amanda. I always thought he was cute. Well, except the time he scared me with a snake, but he was ten and ten-year-old boys are always annoying. Until this trip. I never thought he paid any attention to me at all and me him. We went to the beach as usual and normally Amanda and I would just do our own thing. _

_However, this year, when Riley went to take off his shirt I couldn't take my eyes off of him. I tried to play it off when Amanda commented but he just looked so good. It was like from that moment on I couldn't stop thinking about him. There were a group of girls on the beach, too, that flirted with him and I found myself getting so irritated over it. Eventually I just left with the excuse of a headache. Amanda just let it go, but I could feel Riley's eyes on me as I made my way back to the house. Later that night, our parents were being completely boring and Amanda had gone to bed, so I went swimming. Riley came out and sat on the edge of the pool with his legs in the water. _

_He didn't say anything, so I just kept swimming. When I got out of the pool, he stood up. I felt like he never took his eyes off me, and it made me somewhat nervous, so I wrapped the towel around and said goodnight. He stopped me just before I got in the house and he leaned forward and kissed me. It wasn't really that different from kissing Dave or Peter freshman year, but I couldn't stop smiling while I brushed my teeth and went to bed. It made my stomach all fluttery and my knees somewhat weak. I'm not sure it even feels real yet, but I want him to kiss me again._

_He stared at me the whole next day. Even Amanda noticed. She thinks he has a crush on me. I'm so excited. He's so cute. He didn't really talk to me much. But I made sure to go down to the pool after everyone was in bed or busy and he was there. He had on a swimsuit, too, this time. We both swam for a while and he kissed me again. He said he likes me. I don't know what that means. Am I his girlfriend now? We left the next day, and I didn't get a chance to ask. _

_But tonight when Amanda and I were at the game, we talked to him and he told us about the party he was going to at Matt's house. Amanda has a huge crush on Matt, so she said yes. She ditched me for right away when we got there, but it was fine, I pretty much knew most of the people there. _

_I didn't see Riley for a while. But when I did, he put his arm around me. We spent most of the night talking. He seemed annoyed at his friends when they kept interrupting us. We left the party after a while and took a walk. He kissed me in the backyard. And he asked me if I wanted to go to the movies with him next weekend. _

_Amanda drove me home, and I told my mother everything. She seemed really happy, and said that Riley is from a good family. I don't care what family he's from, I just like him. But she cares. She's always so worried about me meeting the right people and living up to the Swan name. Like I'd ever do anything to disappoint Dad. I couldn't do that. Dad wasn't as excited about the date. I think he wants me to be eight again or something. But he agreed that I could go._

_September 8, 1998_  
_I've been a total wreck all week. I can't stop thinking about Riley and our date. I just got home and I had to write everything in here. He picked me up from the house after dinner and we went to the movies. It was kind of weird and awkward at first. I mean, we've never spent any time together where it was totally just the two of us; our parents have always been around somewhere. However, he was really easy to talk to. I didn't really pay that much attention to the movie, because he held my hand. I kept sneaking glances at him out of the corner of my eye. I couldn't get over how cute he was. When we got back to the house, he walked me to the door and kissed me. I didn't even have time to get nervous about it—it just happened! He asked me to be his girl and though I wasn't really sure what that meant exactly, I was totally excited. I assume he meant that we're dating now, like exclusively, but I wasn't totally sure. Maybe I'm making way too big a deal out of all of this, but I'm so nervous. I've never had a boyfriend before; boys are so confusing. _

_A million thoughts raced through my head as soon as he left, and I couldn't help but wonder what it'll be like on Monday at school? Would anyone notice? Did we need to tell people? What would Amanda say . . . ?_

_November 14, 1998_  
_Riley and I have been pretty much inseparable lately. We usually spend time together after school and go out every weekend. I don't think I've ever been happier. We're busy because we both have honors and A.P. classes, and he's in football. We're both in student government, too; he's Class President for the senior class and I am for the junior class. So we get to spend time together there. I feel like we have so many similar goals. Is it weird that I can picture spending the rest of my life with him? It's early, and I wouldn't tell anyone that, not even Amanda, but I could imagine it. I see the way he looks at me sometimes, when he thinks I'm not looking. His blue eyes are so soft and it's like I'm everything in the world to him. _

_December 31, 1998_  
_Riley told me he loved me tonight. I love him, too, so much. There are a thousand things I could say about it, but I can't even come up with the words. _

_April 9, 1999_  
_Riley and I have been taking things pretty slowly, but I think we're ready. I'm not scared, maybe a little nervous, but mostly excited. Riley and I have talked about it a lot. But we didn't want to rush anything. I don't get the girls who go to parties and hook up with some guy they barely know. It's so strange to me. Maybe it's because I've never done it before, but it seems like it must be so meaningless. We talked about it again a few weeks ago, and decided we'd wait until prom. So cliché, I know, but it doesn't matter, not with Riley. _

_May 24, 1999_  
_Mom and Dad went to New York for fleet week and Riley came over. We just wanted to spend time together without our parents interfering. We were still planning on our first time being at prom in a couple of weeks, but that kind of changed..._

_We didn't do anything at first, just watched movies, ate pizza, and cuddled, but when he kissed me, something just took over. For both of us. So when he asked me if I wanted to go up to my bedroom, I said yes. And we both knew what that meant. _

_He told me how much he loved me and that he couldn't see his life without me. He touched me sweetly, until I cried out his name and begged him to make love to me. He was sweet and loving and I felt like we had never been closer. That's was the best part of it; how close to him it made me feel. It felt so good, but the closeness is what I loved the most. _  
_I think it was better that it wasn't at prom. This was perfect. We didn't plan it to death and have time to get nervous. It was spontaneous and beautiful, and every time I think about making love to Riley again, it makes me flushed and dizzy. I love him so much._

_August 19, 1999_  
_Riley is leaving for his freshman year at Stanford tomorrow. I hate it. I hate the idea of spending my senior year of high school without him. I know I'll be really busy with A.P. classes, student government, and the ten thousand other activities I have. But I am going to miss him so much. It'll be so hard to be away from him. I'm really proud of him for getting into Stanford, but I wonder if that's the university he would have picked if we were going at the same time. He says he will be happy there, but I do worry about it. I don't like the idea of holding him back from doing exactly what he wants to do. I'm confident in our relationship, but what if he wants to experiment a little while he's in college? Most people do, right? It breaks my heart to even think of it, but I do worry that me still being in high school could be an issue. I try not to be jealous of all of the gorgeous college girls he's going to see every day. I love Riley and I trust him, but it's a little scary. I know many couples who didn't make it under circumstances like ours._

_I know people always talk about high school relationships and how they're never going to last. But I have faith in Riley. I want to marry him someday. _

As I flipped through the entries, my eyes teared up at various memories. The sweet, innocent words of my sixteen-year-old self were so full of hope. I felt light-years from that girl now. I never expected my relationship with Riley to end the way it did.

_I'd offered to drive him to the airport but he begged me not to go. He knew I'd be too upset to drive home, so we said goodbye in the apartment. I cried for the longest time in his arms, wanting one last moment with him. I tried to memorize his scent, the feel of his arms around me, the way he kissed the top of my head. His shirt was soaked with my tears and although he wasn't crying, I knew he was just as upset as I was. It didn't matter that I knew this was the best choice to make, it crushed me to say goodbye. _

_"I have to go now, Bella," he said quietly. A single suitcase was on the floor at our feet. He'd already packed the rest of his things to ship cross-country; they would be waiting for him when he arrived in D.C. _

_I swallowed hard and bit the inside of my cheek, needing the sharp bite of pain to keep me from begging him to stay. It was the right decision. It had to be. I hated that I had to be mature and make the decision that was right for him, not the decision that kept Riley with me. _

_I could barely pry my arms away from him, knowing that it was the last time I would ever hold him. I stepped back and he looked down at me, his blue eyes glistening. _

_"I'm sorry," he whispered._

_I nodded and choked back a sob. "Don't be sorry, you're going to be great. I love you, Riley."_

_"I love you, too, Bella. I will always love you."_

_I pressed my lips tightly together, unable to say another word. He stepped back reluctantly, put on his jacket, and grabbed his bag, his fingers brushing my cheek one last time before he walked out the door._

Every day without him has been a painful reminder of my current lonely life. Sometimes it felt like the only bright points in my life were the occasional emails and texts Riley and I sent each other. I knew it only made the separation worse, but neither of us could help ourselves. We'd been nearly inseparable for twelve years, almost half of our lives, and without the occasional contact, I felt lost.

I would never find someone like Riley again and to be honest, I didn't want to. He had been the love of my life and now that he was gone, I would never love anyone again. I felt guilty for even trying to be with someone else. Mike had been a nice guy, but there was no way he could replace Riley. It was wrong of me even to try. It shouldn't have felt so good to be held and kissed by anyone else.

The pain I felt was crushing. As I remembered the happy days of our early relationship, I wondered if I had the strength to go on.

Returning to the pages, I read until the sky began to grow light outside my window. When I finished the first journal, I let the blanket fall to the floor, exhausted and emotionally drained. I closed the curtains in my bedroom, crawled into bed, and fell into a restless sleep.

* * *

**Author End Notes:** Thanks for the reviews so far, you all have been great! Let us know what you think about chapter three and we'll see you next Thursday with chapter four!

Feel free to stop by to chat or look for teasers in the following places:  
Facebook: www*facebook*com/DiscordiaWriter  
Twitter: DiscordiaWrites and kharisma2  
Tumblr: discordiawriter*tumblr*com/


	5. Chapter 4: Change

Disclaimer: _All publicly recognizable characters, settings, etc. are the property of their respective owners. The original characters and plot are the property of the author. The author is in no way associated with the owners, creators, or producers of any media franchise. No copyright infringement is intended._

As always, thanks to our incredible team of betas: karenec, LJ Summers, and jakeward.

**Chapter 4: Change**

* * *

The next weekend, Vanessa invited me to go dancing and although I was hesitant to get myself in a situation like I experienced with Mike, I did feel like going out. The guilt over being with someone other than Riley had faded as I remembered how good it felt just to have someone touch me. The awkward way things ended with Mike aside, dancing and kissing him had helped push the loneliness away.

When I went out with Vanessa I didn't go out with the intention of bringing a guy home, but I did flirt and dance. Dressing up, feeling beautiful and desirable again did wonders for me. It made me feel confident again, more like my old self. We went out every weekend for the next few weeks and I found myself sleeping better, eating better, and feeling a little less depressed.

One night, several weeks after I met Mike, I met a guy named Jared on the dance floor. He was tall, with brown hair and brown eyes, but that was all I knew about him. We danced, and he was friendly and definitely interested in me, but didn't appear to be overly aggressive. His kisses felt good, and so did his hands on my body. After feeling numb and grief-stricken for so long, it was amazing to feel desire again. I hated the dull, listless life I'd been leading. I was tired of feeling cut off from the rest of the world, cut off from my own body. I'd hardly even touched myself since Riley left, and the jolt of arousal was staggering. Maybe I had been too hasty running out of Mike's apartment.

After a few drinks, I felt like testing the waters and invited Jared back to my place. When the cab dropped us at my building, I tugged him along behind me through the lobby avoiding Jacob's glare on the way in. I had no idea what Jake's problem was, but he apparently didn't approve of the idea of me bringing a guy home. I'd never asked him, but judging from his white hair and numerous wrinkles, I'd guessed he was around eighty. Normally his blue eyes and kind smile greeted me, but he seemed slightly hostile tonight. I looked away, not wanting to make a big deal out of the situation.

I brought Jared up to the apartment and dragged him into the guest room. I knew if I was going to go through with this, I couldn't be in my room... the room Riley and I shared. I turned on some music and danced for Jared as he sat on the bed. I dropped my dress to the floor after teasingly flashing him my panties. I was a bit more than buzzed, and it wasn't until he was shirtless and he kissing his way up my thigh that I froze, the situation coming into focus. He stopped and lifted his head.

"You all right?"

I nodded. "Yeah, sorry. Please don't stop."

He looked slightly puzzled but he continued. Grabbing my hips, he pulled me forward to the bed to lay beside him. He moved to the floor and reached up to pull my panties off before tossing them on the floor and lowering his head. I tensed a little when I felt his warm, wet tongue on my pussy, but I closed my eyes and gritted my teeth, reminding myself that I no longer belonged to Riley. My body wasn't his, and I wasn't betraying him by receiving pleasure from someone else. A moment of deep breaths and some mental encouragement and I found myself responding to Jared's touch.

"Oh, that feels good," I said, finally letting myself feel. He sucked lightly on my clit and I gripped the sheets under me in my hand. How long had it been since I'd had even made myself come? The feel of it building inside of me was nearly overwhelming. I pulled him up to me and kissed him hard.

"I really want to fuck you," he muttered and I hesitated just a moment before I nodded. He pulled a condom out of his wallet and slipped it on. I moved so I was facing away him, resting on my hands and knees. I didn't want to look him in the eyes. I felt warm hands move to my hips and for a moment, I could picture Riley behind me, his beautiful eyes heavy with desire, ready to thrust into me.

But this wasn't Riley and it never would be again, so I closed my eyes and took a deep breath. When Jared slid inside of me, my heart ached, but my body responded differently. I fought to turn off my brain and focus on my body and the way it felt. It wasn't about the being with Jared so much as the feeling and the escape he brought me.

With each move Jared made, I felt little pieces of the life I had before falling away. I struggled to hang on to them but at the same time, I wanted to be over all the sorrow and loss. When I hovered just on the edge of the precipice but couldn't quite tip over, I found myself moving my hand between my thighs to rub my clit and gritting my teeth. Why was it so hard to give into the pleasure? I wanted this, I needed it, and yet it remained maddeningly out of reach. I tilted my hips so the head of his cock would reach my g-spot better and took a deep breath. I closed my eyes and tuned everything out focusing on just my breathing.

Then suddenly I saw him.

I saw Riley's face and remembered the last time we made love. I felt my emotions swell up inside me and I knew it was wrong, but I couldn't help whimpering Riley's name in my mind. I replayed that last memory, imagining it was Riley pounding into me instead of Jared. Eventually, I found my release and it brought not only the physical sense of satisfaction, but also a mental calm that I hadn't felt in a long time.

Jared didn't linger, but he did kiss me goodbye and made sure I had his phone number. I wasn't disappointed when he walked out the door. Although the relaxed feeling from the physical release and the mental break were powerful, the guilt crept in. I went to my room, curled up under the heavy blankets, and clutched my pillow. Without Riley beside me, I was always cold at night and had added a second down duvet to try to stay warm. I felt numb and empty inside but completely exhausted. As I lay awake staring out the windows overlooking the city, all I could think about was how much I wanted Riley to be holding me.

I didn't sleep much that night, and I pushed myself harder on my run the next morning, trying to drown out the voices in my head that told me I had cheated on Riley and used Jared. I found myself apathetic that week, eating only when reminded to and disturbed by restless sleep. Even my work suffered and that was what worried me the most.  
Charlie noticed I was less than focused when we all got together for our weekly meeting, and when he commented, I assured him I was fine, and just feeling a bit run-down. A little more concealer under my eyes and some extra hours at the office was enough to convince him I was fine, but I was far from it.

After Riley left, I had a recurring dream where he'd disappear. Sometimes it was fairly innocuous; he disappeared in an endless labyrinth of corridors while I chased after him, unable to catch him. Other times the dream was darker. He tumbled off the pier and slipped beneath dark waves, or he was trapped in a burning building, and I couldn't reach him. Every dream left me frightened and emotionally overwhelmed.

Now, despite the guilt and the sleepless nights, I craved the mental clarity being with Jared brought me. For a split-second, I had felt closer to Riley, and though it was sick and twisted, I needed it. I tried on my own, but even picturing Riley wasn't enough. I needed someone's touch to make me feel that part of my life again.

When Vanessa told me about a new club she wanted to check out, I went with her. When a gorgeous Asian guy asked me to dance, I didn't turn him down. I knew what I was doing wasn't the healthiest way of dealing with my issues. I was separating my emotions completely from the physical response to someone. It was completely foreign to me, because every kiss and touch from Riley had been full of meaning. The meaningless hook ups were a means to an end. There was no attachment, just raw needs being met. Simply put, it was just sex. I couldn't let myself feel anything for any of the guys I was with, and I didn't want to.

Weeks passed and I started to find comfort in going out. The pleasure and mental calm vied with the guilt for supremacy in my mind and the roller coaster of emotions took its toll on me. I tried to just go out but without some form of intimacy, I found myself jittery and anxious come the following day. Neither was healthy for me, but I couldn't really stop.

By May, I had it down to a science, knowing which guys were best to pick up. I wanted someone who wouldn't get too attached, but not one so jaded and callous that they wouldn't be concerned with my pleasure at all. We were both getting what we needed from each other. It was a mutually beneficial agreement between two consenting adults.

We both had our reasons, and I left it at that, grateful not to have to deal with complications.

One night before I left to meet Vanessa, I studied my reflection in the mirror in my bedroom and frowned. I was dressed to go out dancing; I should have felt beautiful and desirable, but I couldn't stand the sight of myself in the mirror. I had lost weight, and it was starting to show. I had always been fairly thin, and between running and being so caught up in work that I tended to forget to eat, I had never struggled with being too heavy. But I hadn't been that bony since I was a gawky teenager growing into my limbs.

Horrified by how sickly I looked I pulled out my phone and set a reminder on the calendar to eat three times a day. I wasn't trying to starve myself or make myself sick. I just was so overwhelmed that some days it never even crossed my mind to eat.

Suddenly disgusted with myself, I realized just how sad and pathetic my life really had become. Here I was, twenty-nine years old, having a string of random hookups and to what end? The guilt I'd been trying so hard to push aside came crashing down around me. No matter how good it felt, what I was doing wasn't really me. I didn't like who I'd become. Riley had been my only lover until he left and although the sexual release had made me feel better temporarily, in the long run, I knew it wasn't making me happy. I was sick of the club scene, sick of my routine, and sick of my entire life. I decided to do something different, to just get lost for the night. Sick of staring at myself in the mirror, I walked into the living room, trying to decide what to do instead of going to the club. I absent-mindedly gathered up my purse and wandered down to the lobby, needing to get out of my apartment and out of my own head. I couldn't shake the lingering feeling of discontent that plagued me.

I left the apartment building and instead of grabbing a cab to go to the club, I walked. I sent a quick text to Vanessa letting her know I wouldn't make it to the club and that I'd talk to her the next day.

I wasn't really sure what I was looking for, but I knew I'd know it when I saw it. It turned out to be a bar. I had driven by many times and never really noticed it much, but for tonight, it was just what I needed.

It had been years since I'd been in a place like that. Probably not since law school when we used to go out to the bars after a long day of studying. I felt a jolt of pleasure at the idea and let my feet take me inside. It was dark and the moment I stepped through the door and instantly, I knew I looked like an outsider-my dress, my accessories, everything just didn't belong here. But the eyes staring at me were curious rather than hostile. So I walked boldly into the bar and took a seat. A Native American woman roughly my age looked up in surprise. She was taller than I was, maybe 5'8," and fit. She wore a black leather vest and painted on jeans. Her arms were sculpted and toned, but there was a hint of cleavage at the top of the vest. Her hair was cut in a bob and her eyes were almond shaped and nearly black. Her face was serious, but she didn't seem to be judging me.

"Can I get you a drink?"

"Drambuie on the rocks—a double, please."

She blinked once in surprise and then set to work. When she placed it in front of me, I asked her to start me a tab and slid my credit card across the bar to her. "I might be here a while."

She nodded and went back to polishing glassware. "You're not our usual clientele," she commented, neither accusatory nor friendly.

"It's not my usual M.O.," I admitted. "I needed a change of pace."

"Well, as long as you can pay, you're welcome here."

"Thanks."

For most of the night, I drank in silence, liking the quiet conversations in the bar and the classic rock playing from the speakers. It was well maintained but unpretentious and the bartender greeted regulars with a smile and a name. Just on the verge of being drunk, I closed my tab and got up to leave.

When I'd signed the slip and stood up to leave, she stuck her hand out to me.

"I'm Leah, and welcome to my bar. You're welcome here any time."

"Bella. And thanks."

That night when I came home, Jake gave me an approving smile I assumed was at the fact that I was alone. I fell into a deep and dreamless sleep and felt better than I had in ages.

After that first night at Leah's I began to question if it was all worth it. The random sex before had been mediocre at best but no one had made me feel a tenth of what Riley had.

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**Author End Notes:** I know you're probably all wondering when Edward will make his grand entrance. Don't worry; he will make his first appearance in the next chapter. He was just practicing his strut. ;) you*tube/Rqt1IHh5LPA

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Thanks for the reviews so far, you all have been great! Let us know what you think about chapter four and we'll see you next week with chapter five!

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	6. Chapter 5: Exhaustion

Disclaimer: _All publicly recognizable characters, settings, etc. are the property of their respective owners. The original characters and plot are the property of the author. The author is in no way associated with the owners, creators, or producers of any media franchise. No copyright infringement is intended._

Round of applause to our fabulous betas: karenec, LJ Summers, and jakeward. You guys crack us up and keep us in line. Much love.

This is what we envisioned of Leah's bar: oi47*tinypic*com/ru9vt4*jpg

Imagine Jimi Hendrix "Red House" playing in the background. youtu*be/I27dMBB51S0

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**Chapter Five: Exhaustion**

Running, work, the clubs with Vanessa, and the occasional trips to Leah's became my life in the following weeks. When the club scene was just too much or I wasn't feeling like keeping up the happy pretense, I went to the bar. It was always good for a drink and a quiet place where I could sort through the thoughts trapped in my head.

Vanessa was perplexed by my sudden change of heart about bringing guys home with me, but I just couldn't do it anymore. There was nothing in and of itself wrong with casual sex, but I was starting to realize that it was making me feel worse about myself, not better. Vanessa could go home with guy after guy and come away feeling great. I wasn't her though, and I needed to stop trying to pretend that I was. What had felt like a decent coping mechanism had begun to feel completely wrong.

Riley and I broke-up when he moved to D.C., I was free to do whatever I wanted. But I still felt like I was his. Somehow, I felt like if I just held on longer, things between Riley and I weren't really over—maybe he and I could somehow still be together.

For a long time, I'd pushed away the thought of what Riley would think of what I'd been doing, but I couldn't any more. I knew it would hurt him to know that I was so unhappy. He'd hate that I'd been trying to cope with the end of our relationship by going to bed with other guys. I knew it was ridiculous.

I felt somewhat better with myself after I stopped the random hookups. I desperately missed the physical connection, though. I missed being touched. Although I still went to the clubs with Vanessa occasionally, dancing and the club atmosphere didn't give me the physical comfort I wanted so desperately. Leah's bar was a quiet place to relax, and her quiet, steady presence was calming, but it did nothing to make me feel less lonely.

The lack of sleep and mental anguish wore on me. Although I was trying to eat more and not push myself so hard, I knew I hadn't really made enough progress.

At work, I found myself lacking focus and making stupid mistakes. I knew I had to figure myself out or I was going to crash. I had met with a new client earlier in the day and, had it not been for Charlie being lead counsel, I probably would have cost us the case. When it came time to go, I packed up my bag and turned off my computer when Charlie came by my office. He hesitated outside my door briefly, a worried expression on his face. Finally, he came in and I couldn't look him in the eye. I hated the idea of failing him and I couldn't stand to see the disappointment in his face.

Seeing I was upset, he walked over and hugged me. I wanted to crumble and cry on my father's shoulder as I had when I was little but couldn't allow myself to fall apart. I shoved my emotions down inside and simply hugged him in return.

"You don't look so good, kid."

"I'm fine."

"Bella, talk to me."

"I just had a rough week. That's all. I'll get some sleep this weekend and be fine." I smiled tightly.

"You're lying to me."

"Please..."

He frowned. "I can't stand to see you like this, Bella. You look like you're barely holding it together. Take some time to relax this weekend. Enjoy yourself."

"I will," I said weakly.

"If you don't, I may have to have you cut back on your hours here. You're working yourself to death."

I inhaled sharply. The routine of work was all that was keeping me together. If I didn't have it, I would get lost in a mire of loneliness and never make it out. Not working was not an option.

"I promise, I'll get as much sleep as I can. I won't even take these files home."

"Good. See you Monday, kid."

"Love you."

"I love you, too." He engulfed me in another hug and I let myself soak up some of his warmth and strength for just a moment. Any longer and I would have burst into tears.

I gave him a smile that I knew he wouldn't buy, and left. I left the files on my desk, wincing at the idea of a weekend without them.

**~LTOYL~**

Once I was home for the evening, I headed immediately for the kitchen, pouring myself a glass of wine and taking it with me into the bedroom.

I rifled through my closet, desperately trying to find something to wear. Eventually I settled on an olive green dress and draped it over the chair by the bed. I looked at my reflection in the mirror. I did look tired. And old. I frowned and took a sip of wine, trying to smooth away the fine lines beginning to form beside my eyes. I washed off my makeup and took a seat at the vanity table, wanting to start from scratch. I did my best to avoid my own eyes in my reflection as I made up my face. My movements were robotic, practiced. I blended in the foundation and dabbed concealer under my eyes, trying to hide the bruised looking circles under them. I drank as I worked, the numbness sinking through me. A little bit of blush, dark cat-eyes, nude lips. I twisted my hair up and let a few pieces fall into my face before securing it with pins. I gulped the wine down faster than I should have, and when I stood up from the vanity, I wobbled on my feet, remembering too late that I had hardly eaten anything for lunch. I closed my eyes, trying to fight back the spinning in my head. "_Too much, too soon, Bella," _I reminded myself.

I slipped into the dress and stood in front of the mirror, critically eyeing my appearance. I looked better. If I didn't know myself, I'd say I looked great. But I didn't feel beautiful and desirable. I didn't feel anything.

The cab was waiting for me when I got down to the lobby. Jacob frowned at my appearance and I did my best to remain steady on my feet.

"Good evening, Jacob."

"Evening, Miss Swan. Please take care of yourself."

"Of course. Thank you."

He helped me into the cab and I gave the driver the name of the bar. Although I'd originally planned to go to a club, I couldn't stomach the thought of dancing. I considered just staying home that night, but the thought of another pathetic night alone in my apartment made me feel even worse. Leah's would have to do.

Giving the cabbie the address, I mentally prepared myself for the night ahead of me.

"_You can do this, Bella. You need this."_

Arriving at Leah's, I opened the heavy wooden door and walked straight up to the bar. I removed my coat and set it on the barstool next to me, scanning the room for any familiar faces. I wasn't in the mood to deal with anyone and wanted to have a drink.

"Your usual?"

I nodded at Leah. "Please."

Her dark eyes met mine. "You all right, hun?"

"I will be." She slid the glass across the bar to me. "Thanks."

I took a sip, savoring the taste of the honey before the bite hit and closed my eyes in appreciation. I sipped it slowly, not wanting the night to be over before it began. I felt the soft fabric from someone's sleeve brush my arm as they sat down beside me, but I didn't bother to look over at them.

"What are you drinking?" His voice was low and slightly rough. I could imagine him whispering in the dark of the bedroom, teasing me with his words. I closed my eyes, fighting back the picture that formed in my head.

"Drambuie." I opened my eyes and turned to look at him. He was dressed simply in a black collared shirt with the top button undone and a grey suit. Still, he was overdressed for the place. Then again, so was I. He seemed quite a bit taller than I was, although with him sitting, it was hard to tell just how tall he really was. He had broad shoulders and a narrow waist under the well-tailored suit.

"Well, that's better than a Cosmo, although not by much."

"Did I ask for your critique on my drinking habits?" I asked dryly.

He laughed. "I'm Edward."

"Bella." I took another sip of my drink, feeling it slide over my tongue and down my throat to warm my belly.

I tried not to stare at his face, but it was impossible. I noticed his lips first, pink and just full enough to look inviting, without being too feminine. He had a long sloping nose and sharp cheekbones with a chiseled jaw, lightly covered in stubble. His eyes were blue or grey; it was hard to tell in the dim lighting in the bar. Grey I decided. Riley had blue eyes. I fought the rising grief at the thought of him and returned to my perusal of Edward. Long eyelashes, brown messy hair, maybe with a reddish hue—again, hard to pinpoint in the light. It was long for someone as well dressed as him, not the typical short, stylish cut.

"I am drinking Macallan twenty-five."

"Trying to impress me with the size of your bank account?"

"Hardly. I couldn't care less about the price of it. It's the taste that matters."

"And now I know you're so rich you don't care what you spend." I motioned for Leah. "Another. And another Macallan." She nodded and turned away.

"And now you're showing me that you are wealthy and independent enough to buy an expensive drink for a man."

I shook my head. "Trying to figure out why you'd drink something that tastes so terrible."

"It's some of the best Scotch in the world," he said, sounding almost offended.

"According to snobbish men trying to impress women with their expensive manly drink."

"You're drinking fermented honey."

"No, that's mead," I corrected him.

"Still disgustingly sweet. And a waste of good Scotch."

"I like it." I grabbed the drink in front of me and nearly spat it out when I realized it was the Macallan.

"That's yours." I slid it over to Edward and he gently set mine down in front of me. "I'm going to kill Leah; she was trying to be funny." I gulped mine down. Edward took a careful sip from his and set it back down. His long, narrow fingers wrapped around the glass.

"So what brings you here tonight?" he asked.

"Are we having a conversation now?"

"I was trying."

"You might have better luck with one of the girls over there." I pointed to the three at the table behind him who had been eyeing him since I turned to look at him.

He didn't even turn and look. "I'm enjoying talking to you."

"What are you going to do if I move to sit somewhere else? Or leave?"

"Be very disappointed."

"I was hoping to find somewhere I could drink in peace. Didn't feel like dealing with the club scene tonight."

"You're implying I'm disturbing your peace and quiet."

"How very intuitive of you. You are correct."

"What I'm trying to decide is if this is your version of foreplay, or you really dislike me."

"I don't know you. And I don't have any desire to know you."

"That doesn't answer the first part of my question."

"I've found that kissing makes for better foreplay than verbal sparring. Leah, another!" I called out.

"You sure you need another, Bella?" she asked.

"Yes, I am," I told her.

She sighed. "One more and I'm cutting you off. You're drunk."

"Not drunk enough. Not to put up with this jerk."

She laughed. "Edward's a teddy bear."

"Could have fooled me."

"I've known him since we were five. He's the only boy I ever let kiss me."

"You're a lesbian?" I asked, unable to hide the surprise in my voice.

"You didn't figure out the butch vibe I have going on?"

I shrugged. "Apparently not."

"Leah and I have been friends since kindergarten," Edward added.

"Lucky you. Leah, not so much." I polished off my drink. "Since you're cutting me off, I'm out of here." I stood up and feeling tipsy, wobbled on my feet. Edward steadied me with a hand on my lower back and I tried to ignore the heat of his hand through the thin fabric of my dress. And the fact that I needed someone to keep me from falling over.

"You're not taking a cab home," Leah barked. "I'm not putting you in a taxi with some leering creep."

"How do you propose I get home then?"

"Edward can take you home."

We both turned to her in astonishment. He recovered first. "Uh, sure. I'd be happy to. You can share a cab with me; I'll get you to your place and then head home to mine."

"How does that change anything, Leah? You're still putting me in a taxi with a leering creep."

"But I trust this creep."

"I don't need a chaperon," I said in exasperation. "I'm fine."

"Bella, let Edward take you home." Her voice was hard and I sighed, knowing it was no use arguing with her.

"Fine. Are you ready to leave?"

He nodded. He stood up and I suddenly felt small beside him. He towered over me and I realized how much of my lower back his hand covered.

Leah slid a bottle of water across the bar to me. "One for the road. You need it."

"Yes, Mother." She crossed her arms over her chest and scowled at me. "Thank you, Leah," I said a little more softly.

"You're welcome."

Edward took my arm to steady me, and I hated that I needed it. I was silent on the ride to my apartment building, except to speak to the cabbie. In the enclosed space, I was too aware of his body beside me and the heat from his thigh as it brushed against mine. I was surprised by the way my body reacted to his, how quickly I felt the first flush of arousal. At my building, Edward spoke to the cabbie in a low voice, thrusting cash at him and asking him to wait. He helped me from the taxi and I was proud of myself for only wobbling momentarily. I gripped his forearm, feeling the muscles flex beneath my fingers. He opened the door for me and escorted me inside the lobby, stopping just inside the doors.

Jacob scowled from his desk across the gleaming marble floors.

"Are you able to get upstairs alright?" Edward asked.

"You brought me home, you walked me to my apartment, you came inside to make sure I was alright, and now you're leaving?" I asked quietly.

"You didn't want me to take you home in the first place."

I swallowed. "I changed my mind. I want you to come up."

"I'll walk you to your door." He offered me his arm again and I took it, making my way to the elevator.

"That wasn't what I meant," I said lowly. My heels clicked across the floor, echoing in the empty space.

"I know."

The elevator came immediately and we both stepped inside. "Do I have to spell it out for you, Edward?"

"Spell what out?"

"Why I want you come up to my place."

"I think I have a fairly good idea of what you have in mind, but feel free to elaborate."

"You're infuriating."

"You're the one trying to convince me to go to bed with you."

The elevator doors opened and I strode out into the hallway, Edward just a step behind me. I still felt a bit wobbly on my feet but I managed to make it to my door without staggering or tripping. Once the door was open, Edward followed me inside. I turned to face him and gently pushed him back against the door. I stepped forward so my body was lightly brushing his. The snarky banter we'd been engaging in _was_ a bit like verbal foreplay for me. I found a quick-witted guy very attractive. And he was certainly no slouch in the looks department either. I wanted Edward not just because he was a warm body and a way to feel less lonely, but also because I found myself genuinely attracted to him.

"Fine, Edward, I find you infuriating, but that doesn't mean I'm not attracted to you."

He sighed. "I don't think it's the best idea. I just wanted to make sure you made it home safe."

"Don't you want me?"

"You're beautiful, but you're also drunk."

"Not that drunk."

"Drunk enough. I don't want you to do something you'd regret."

"That's my decision, not yours."

"It's my decision to participate."

"Fine. Leave. Stay. I don't care." I turned to walk away from him but his hands darted out to grab my hips and he pulled me back against him. I felt how hard he was. He did want me.

"That's a lie." He breathed the words against the back of my neck and I fought back a shudder. "I'll make you a deal, we talk, you sober up, and then we'll revisit the issue."

"I don't need to get laid that bad."

"What you need is more water." He let go of me and I gestured to the left.

"Kitchen is over there."

He made his way into the kitchen and returned with a bottle of water.

I took it from his outstretched hand and sank onto the couch, kicking my shoes off and tucking my feet under me.

"Thank you for raiding my refrigerator."

He gave me a crooked smile. "I know it wasn't quite what you had in mind when you invited me up."

I wanted to be angry, but I couldn't help the quiet laugh that left my mouth.

"That's where you're wrong. I was hoping to bring you up here to become my personal manservant."

"Is there a rigorous application and screening progress?"

"Mmm, yes." I eyed him. "You may have to have a physical, too."

He smirked at me. "I assure you, I'm more than qualified for the job."

"We'll see about that."

We lapsed into silence for a moment before he spoke. "I believe the job ad also mentioned something about my duties in giving foot massages. I'd be happy to give you a demonstration."

I laughed, very amused by his quick wit. "I don't believe that will be necessary."

His long fingers reached out and wrapped around my ankle, with a quick tug my foot was on his lap and I was nearly upended from the couch. I steadied myself, my head feeling fuzzy and muddled from the drinks. I took a few more sips of water, knowing that I'd appreciate it in the morning.

"You don't have to... Oooh..." My voice trailed off at the heavenly feeling of his strong thumbs pressing into the arch of my foot. I threw my head back with pleasure against the arm of the couch. "That feels wonderful."

He didn't reply, merely continued to knead and massage my foot. He was deliberate and methodical in his movements, so I stopped arguing. One disadvantage of my job was the fact that I was never out of heels. I was too short and too delicately built to feel authoritative in flats. His thumb slipped between each toe, pressing there firmly to relieve the ache in the muscle that I hadn't even known existed. By the time he had worked his way to my ankle I was feeling relaxed and content. It had been a long time since someone had touched me so thoroughly without it being a sexual encounter. Not since Riley left. I frowned at the thought.

"Is that hurting you?" he asked quietly.

"Hmm? No, it feels good," I said, shaking my head. He must have been watching my facial expressions for my reaction to his touch.

With a gentle squeeze, he let go of my foot and coaxed the other one up on his lap. Not that I fought him. It was odd, our banter had been so antagonistic earlier, but this was so soothing, I couldn't find the will to fight him on anything. Besides, wasn't that really why I picked guys up? Because I needed someone to touch me, because I was lonely and any warm body was better than a cold bed and frigid existence?

By the time he finished my second foot, I had nearly fallen asleep. I lifted my head, feeling drugged, but not from the alcohol, rather from the pleasure that began at my toes and was rapidly traveling throughout my entire body.

I lifted my head to look at him. His hand was still resting casually on the top of my foot. "Good?"

"Mmm, you're hired."

He smiled. "Is there a benefits package?"

"I'm sure we can think of something." I finished my water and he immediately lifted my feet and placed them on the couch and stood up.

"Let me get you another."

I accepted it without hesitation, and he joined me on the couch again, moving my feet to his lap once again. His hand returned to its previous spot, his palm against the top of my foot, his thumb curved around to lightly brush the arch.

"What is it you do for an actual job?" I asked. "I'm guessing you aren't a masseuse, although you could have fooled me."

He smiled. "I'm a curator at the San Francisco Museum of Modern Art."

I blinked in surprise. I don't know what I had assumed he did for a living, maybe banking or finance or architecture. But his answer was unexpected.

"That's one of my favorite museums in the Bay Area."

He nodded. "I grew up wanting to work there."

"Do you enjoy it?"

"Immensely." He tilted his head to regard me. "What do you do?"

"I'm a lawyer with Swan and Volturi. It's my father's practice."

"And would you be Bella Swan or Bella Volturi?"

"Swan. Following in the footsteps of Charles Swan and Geoffrey Swan."

"Do you plan to take over eventually?"

I nodded. "Yes." The question was too loaded for me to answer in any further depth. Maybe sensing that it wasn't something I wanted to continue discussing, he changed the subject.

"Do you make it to the museum often?"

"Fairly often. The firm is a Benefactor, but I think I'm the only one who takes advantage of it."

"No one else is into modern art?"

"Not particularly. I went with Charlie, my dad, once and he just spent a lot of time tilting his head and looking confused. He's a bigger fan of realism."

Edward smiled. "Modern art isn't for everyone."

"No, I suppose not." His thumb caressed the bottom of my foot and it twitched, reflexively at the ticklish feeling.

It had been a long while since I'd spent time with a man like this. Other than bringing guys home to sleep with, the only men I'd spent any time with lately were my father and co-workers. It was nice to just have a conversation, be social. I found myself laughing, and surprisingly, sobering up. I wasn't sure what it was about Edward that I liked so much, but I found him interesting.

Edward smiled and said, "Admit it, I'm not so bad."

I couldn't help but laugh. "You're not so bad." His fingers continued to rub soft little circles on my feet and I drained the rest of the water bottle.

"I think I'm sober now," I said quietly.

"I think so, too." Edward sighed regretfully. "And it's time for me to leave."

"Stay," I pleaded with him.

"I really should get going, and you should get to bed."

"Edward, please . . . stay. . . just a bit longer," I said again.

He hesitated for a moment, seeming to weigh his options. And then, as if he had made up his mind, gave me a slight nod and a crooked smile.

"You're trouble, Bella Swan. Keeping me up past my bedtime," he said teasingly.

His fingertips grazed another ticklish spot on my foot and I returned it with a playful kick. I felt a surge of excitement at the thought of him staying. Maybe the night wasn't what I thought it would be, but I was enjoying myself, and I wasn't ready for it to end yet.

* * *

**Author End Notes:** So we finally meet Edward. We hope it was worth the wait. Let us know what you think about chapter five and we'll see you next Thursday with chapter six!

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	7. Chapter 6: Pleasure

We tried to include the linnk for the song tease and the pic tease for this chapter, but FFn isn't cooperating. PM me if you'd like them, I'd be happy to send them your way.

So you all liked Edward, awesome! We hope he was worth the wait; we tend to think so. Ready for some lemony fun?

Disclaimer: _All publicly recognizable characters, settings, etc. are the property of their respective owners. The original characters and plot are the property of the author. The author is in no way associated with the owners, creators, or producers of any media franchise. No copyright infringement is intended._

As always, thank you to our betas: karenec, LJ Summers, and jakeward. You ladies are amazing. (Hugs)

**Chapter Six: Pleasure**

* * *

"I really like your place. How long have you lived here?" Edward asked.

I looked around, trying to remember. "Five years, I think. I moved in after I took the Bar exam and joined my father's firm."

"It's very nice."

"Would you like a tour?"

I walked Edward through kitchen, and main living area of the house, showing him my study and the bathroom, then led him down the hallway to where it split off in two directions. Instead of turning left toward the master bedroom, I turned right toward the guest bedroom. If I got my way tonight, my bedroom would be off limits, it just held too many memories of Riley. Our conversation had been great, but I couldn't deny that I wanted to feel Edward's hands on me. His touch had felt so good, and he'd only been massaging my feet. I could only imagine what his hands would feel like all over.

Opening the door to the guest room, I turned on a low light on the dresser by the door. Edward walked inside, looking around before going to the window.

"Great view. The whole place is stunning, but the view is just unbelievable," he said. The glittering lights of San Francisco were spread out before us, bright against the clear night.

"It's one of my favorite things about this place," I said softly.

Edward nodded, still staring out the window. His voice was reluctant when he spoke. "I should probably head out, unless there's more to the tour."

"Well, there's the other bedroom—" I paused and stepped closer to him, putting my hand on his forearm "—or maybe there's something else you'd like to see."

He turned his head to look at me, his eyes serious and thoughtful. "Believe me; I want to stay more than you know. I just don't think it's a good idea. You should head to bed. I'll leave my number. Call me if you'd like to go out some time. I had a great time with you tonight, Bella, really. I'd like to do it again."

"Edward" —I turned and reached for the zipper behind my back— "before you leave, I need your help."

I heard him inhale sharply before he spoke. "You don't play fair, do you?"

His fingers grazed the bare skin of my neck before they moved to the top of the zipper. He unzipped my dress slowly and his fingers followed, all the way to the base of my spine. His fingers lingered at the small of my back, brushing against the skin there.

"There you are," he said finally.

I let the dress drop to the floor, knowing that the sight of me bare under the dress would say more than I ever could.

"I'm trying to remind myself why I should leave," he whispered.

"Stay."

Pressing a kiss to my shoulder, he said, "Not tonight."

"How about you just stay until I fall asleep, please." I suddenly couldn't bear the thought of falling asleep alone.

"Okay."

I excused myself for a second, quickly going to my room to grab a silk robe and went back to the guest room. Edward was still by the window but turned to face the door I had just come from.

I crawled into the bed, feeling foolish. He came near the bed and took off his suit coat, carefully laying it on the nearby chair, and then laid down beside me, over the covers. I turned off the bedside lamp and stared up at the ceiling, noticing the light that seeped in from around the curtains of the window. It was strange to be in bed with a man, just lying here. I fought the urge to fidget, finding it difficult to relax with him beside me; I didn't like the strange, unsettling feeling he caused whenever I was around him. I wanted normal—or rather, what I had become accustomed to. A man, any man, who would tear my clothes off, plunge into me, make me scream until I felt numb. I didn't want this strange push and pull. He said he wanted me, I had felt how much earlier, and yet we were in my bed, not touching, and he said he'd only stay until I fell asleep. I wondered what he would do if I were to slide out of my robe again and straddle him, if I could make him change his mind. But the idea of him rejecting me again was more than I could stand so I remained under the covers.

Tension filled the room, thick and suffocating, making my breathing pick up and my heart pound. He seemed relaxed and calm, taking in deep, even breaths that did nothing to ease my discomfort.

I jumped when his hand came to rest on my stomach. We were both silent for a long time.

"You do this a lot, don't you?" he finally asked.

"Do what?" I answered quietly.

"Go to the bar, drink, pick up a guy."

Something about Edward's question made me feel vulnerable, but the frank honesty of his question made me want to tell him the truth. "More than I should."

I looked away, unwilling to meet his eyes after admitting something like that. He tilted my chin so he could see me better. Something in the way he looked made me feel so raw and vulnerable. It was as if he saw through what I was doing and the hurt I was trying to get away from but yet there was no judgment. I couldn't help the tears that filled my eyes and the emotion that tightened my throat.

"Touch me, make me feel something, Edward," I pleaded.

Edward's face grew serious for a moment as his eyes stared in to mine. He seemed to be contemplating something. His thumb gently brushed my cheekbone and he opened his mouth to speak, but closed it without saying anything. After a moment of silence, he took a deep breath and leaned closer to me. Just as a single tear was about to fall, Edward's lips brushed against mine.

"You will," he promised me before he kissed me again softly at first, tentatively, as if he wasn't entirely sure why he was kissing me. Then he kissed me more deeply. I moaned against his mouth and grabbed his hair. He stilled.

"Bella, shh, softly," he guided me. His mouth returned to mine but this time the kiss was light and gentle.

"_No, not soft, tender kisses,"_ I thought. _"That wasn't what I wanted." _Those were Riley's; I needed and wanted Edward rough and frantic. I didn't want the intimacy of Edward's sweet touch, I wanted the emotionless detachment of a one-night stand. I nipped at him with my teeth and pressed my lips harder to his. But he wouldn't relent. Instead, his tongue enticed quiet whimpers from me when it slowly and delicately tasted my mouth. Thoughts of anything but his mouth on mine fled and I sank into the heady sweetness. Even though I had mostly sobered up, there was a hazy fog enveloping me. Coherent thought evaporated, replaced with a dreamy haze that stupefied me, making me crave the fuzzy muddled feeling taking over.

His lips trailed down my neck and over my shoulder. He placed wet, open-mouthed kisses down my arm, moving the silk robe away as his lips brushed across the sensitive skin in the crook of my elbow. His fingers moved across my ribs and his mouth followed. I shifted on the bed, aroused and needing him to touch me more. Edward slipped a hand under my back and lifted me so he could remove the robe; his hand dipped beneath the covers to untie it. I helped, tossing it onto the floor. He lowered me to the bed again and flicked his tongue out to taste my collarbone. Continuing down to the swell of my breast, peppering soft kisses around the side. Soft, wet kisses that made me ache with need. He hovered over me and to the side, not resting his weight on me at all. I wanted to feel him and I reached up to grasp his shoulder to pull him to me, but he didn't budge. After he traced a path around each breast with his lips, he returned to the middle, hovering just over my aching peak. His breath was hot against my skin and I heard myself gasp when his lips eventually closed, taking it in his mouth. Edward's tongue swirled around and he sucked, the sensation shooting straight to my clit, causing me to shift on the bed; I could feel how wet and aroused I was. I reached up and undid several buttons on his shirt, my hands slipping underneath to feel the firm planes of his chest. His mouth left my nipple, which tightened when the cool air hit the wetness he had left. Edward moved to the other, this time raking across it with his teeth. I let out a gasp and my hips arched, needing him to continue.

"Please," I begged.

He brushed the covers aside and continued his thorough exploration of my body with his mouth. Down over my ribs to my stomach, and then down further until he was just inches from where I really wanted him.

His tongue traced a path of fire to the side, down over my hip and to my thigh. Moving to the left, he repeated it on the other side.

"Please, Edward," I begged again. My voice was broken and needy. He settled between my legs, his lips brushing my inner thigh and his hands wrapped around me, coaxing my thighs apart. He moved agonizingly slowly and I held my breath until his lips finally met my aching wetness. My fingers made their way to his hair, running through the soft strands, as he tasted me. He was very thorough and in no way tentative.

"Edward!" I gasped.

His fingers moved between my legs, parting my lips so his tongue could delve deeper. He slid a single finger into me and I gasped softly. He began a slow, steady rhythm with his hand and my hips moved to meet him. His tongue never let up lapping at my clit.

I cried out as I came. The pleasure coursed through me, again and again until my thighs ached and my pussy throbbed. It left my body humming and desperate for more.

"I need you. Oh fuck, I need you so bad," I panted.

"I need you, too."

He pulled back, and stood up. He stripped, unbuttoning his shirt the rest of the way and unbuckling his belt, unzipping his pants with quick, controlled movements. My eyes greedily took in the narrow, sculpted lines of his body as he tossed his clothes to the floor. I reached for a condom in the drawer and handed it to him. He ripped open the package and rolled it down his length, before moving over me, his arms coming to rest on either side of me. He supported his weight on one elbow, while his fingers caressed me softly from the hip down the crease of my leg and into the part of me that ached to be filled.

"Please," I whispered.

He aligned himself and pushed forward, sinking into me, inch by aching inch. My back arched, as I felt him slide deeper into me. He lowered himself until his weight was partially resting on top of me, his chest rubbing against mine as he slowly moved in and out. His tongue probed mine, and I wrapped my fingers around the back of his neck so I could kiss him thoroughly. My legs wrapped around his upper thighs and he groaned when he slid even further into me.

"You feel so good," he whispered, his breath soft against my lips.

He rolled onto his back and I went with him. I sat up and his large hands moved to my hips, his fingers curling around to my lower back. I arched my back, my head tilting until I could feel my hair brushing against where his fingertips rested. My hands moved to his thighs and my fingernails dug in to the muscle there, the fine hair tickling my palms. I began to move, slowly at first and then more eagerly as I grew accustomed to the feel of him. Instead of controlling my movement, his hands supported me, steadying me so I could rock back and forth. The head of his cock rubbed against a sensitive spot inside of me and I gasped, my inner muscles clenching around him.

A quiet groan rumbled through his chest and his fingers bit into my hips before relaxing. I did it again and I felt his breathing pick up, suddenly loud in the otherwise almost silent room. I began to move again, sliding up and down his cock in a slow, steady rhythm until my thighs began to ache from the strain. I stilled and clenched around him again, digging my nails into his thighs, urging him on. With a suddenness that surprised me, I found myself underneath him again. One hand gripped his hair and forced his head back while the other made its way to his shoulder, my nails digging into him again when his pubic bone hit my clit.

"Harder," I cried, needing him to fuck me. The quiet, steady pace and the way Edward had touched me had been too personal, too intimate. I wanted the anonymity and impersonal touches I'd grown so accustomed to. I didn't want feel anything but my body's response to his. No emotions, no connections, just sex.

He stilled within me and turned my face to his so he could look me in the eye.

"I won't be just another faceless man."

I attempted to speak but my voice broke on the words and he gathered me close.

Edward began to move again, but slower this time. _"Relax, Bella. You can do this. He's not Riley but it doesn't matter. It doesn't mean anything,"_ I told myself. I wouldn't let my head get in the way of what I needed. Lost in my thoughts, it took me a moment to respond when his lips touched mine.

"Kiss me, Bella," he whispered and I opened to him, meeting his tongue with mine. We continued to kiss lazily while his hips rocked against mine. His arm slid underneath me, and his chest pressing harder against mine. I wound my legs around his hips, again and dug my fingers into his hair. His mouth moved to my neck and his lips softly caressed the skin on my throat. I was hovering just on the edge of orgasm, and I could feel the rush of air against my skin every time he exhaled. His palm slid across my upper arm and I loosed my hold on his hair with one hand. His fingers twined through mine as he stretched our arms up over his head.

The weight of his body rubbing against mine brought a delicious pressure to my clit every time his hips met mine. My breathing picked up, sounding short and choppy. Even as I struggled to delay the inevitable, I welcomed it.

"I can feel you're close," he whispered in my ear. "You're starting to clench around me."

I answered wordlessly; a quiet keening noise was all I could manage.

"You're going to fall apart under me, all around me. Your pleasure is going to consume you." I drew in a sharp breath and felt my body tighten around him.

"_So close. You want this, Bella. Let him give you what you need and make the pain go away." _Every time I was about to fall over the edge my mind would stop me from committing. Why couldn't I just let go and give in? Why did I always have to fight what I desperately craved? Edward was here, making my body come alive, and yet my mind was still fighting it.

He ground his hips into mine and tilted them so he hit a spot that made me gasp and throw my head back against the pillow.

"Oh," I cried out. "Oh, God."

My body tensed, the pleasure coiling and building, growing until I couldn't breathe. I hovered at the edge, unable to let myself give in to the feeling. I trembled beneath him, waiting for something to tip me over into bliss.

"Let go," he urged.

My release shattered the quiet of the room as I cried out and shuddered beneath him. I shivered in his arms, shocks of pleasure coursing through me until I felt light-headed from the intensity. I drifted for a moment, my mind curiously blank and peaceful. I felt the warmth of his body, his breath against my neck, his lips pressed to the fluttering vein in my throat. With a sigh of relief, I relaxed and he shifted his hips, his muscles flexing and bunching under my fingers. My hand had moved from his head to his back and I flattened it, releasing my nails from where they had dug into his shoulder. He was still hard within me. When he began to move, my breath caught in my throat. I was acutely sensitive and for a moment, it was almost painful. He shifted again, bringing our intertwined hands down from where they had been resting on the pillow and released me, sliding his arm under my shoulder, kissing me deeply.

It took the weight off my lower body and when he moved within me, I sighed again with pleasure. He moved, evenly at first and then erratically, stilling as his body tensed against mine. I brushed my hand down his back, pulling him deeper inside me. He came then, with a deep sigh.

"Oh, Bella," he murmured. His lips brushed my forehead and his hand wrapped around the base of my neck, his lips trailing down over my face to meet mine. My fingers traced along his bicep in mindless little patterns and his fingers moved to play with my hair. Eventually I felt my eyes grow heavy and my mind, too drugged with pleasure to analyze what happened, drifted off to sleep.

I awoke from a deep sleep sometime in the night, sensing something was wrong. Through a sleepy haze, I could see a figure looking down at me. I rubbed at my eyes, confused.

"Babe?" I asked hoarsely, my mind foggy and dazed, trying to remember when Riley had come home. Nothing was making sense, but I could feel the sleep threatening to take over again.

"Shh, go back to sleep," he whispered.

Though I could hear his words, something didn't seem right. I blinked, trying to bring the room to focus. "What's wrong?"

"Nothing. Just sleep. I'll be here when you wake up." Again, I could hear him talking, but his words didn't make any sense. I nodded and tucked my head against his chest.I slept easily and deeply after that.

**~LTOYL~**

When I woke, I stiffened, remembering the night before. Disoriented from sleep, I'd confused the warm arms around me for Riley, but they belonged to Edward. I closed my eyes, suddenly struck by a deep, inexplicable feeling of guilt. I felt like I had been unfaithful to Riley. I had never felt that way before. Guilty for enjoying it, yes, but never like I had cheated on Riley.

The men before had been a means to an end. For the most part, they were as uninterested in anything beyond a physical release as I was. They had fucked me. I fucked them.

Some were generous lovers, making sure to make me come several times before they did. But no one had touched me like Edward had. He had softly coaxed climax after climax from my body until I was wrung out and unable to take even another moment of pleasure.

"_Oh, God, and he's still here,"_ I realized. He sighed and shifted in his sleep, his body wrapped around mine. I was lying on my left side and his arm lay heavy over my waist, his fingers twined through mine, and pulled tight between my breasts. His right knee was between my thighs and even our ankles were twisted together, my left leg hooked behind his. I closed my eyes, trying to will him to go away. He kissed my shoulder and down my arm.

"Morning," he said and I cringed. Not only had he brought me pleasure, I'd turned to him for comfort, let him cradle me softly as I slept. I hated the thought of anyone but Riley making me feel that way.

I drew in a quick breath, remembering Riley's morning kisses. The way he'd spoon behind me, slide into me, make me pant his name before either of us had even opened our eyes. I swallowed hard, fighting back the tears.

"I think you should go."

He pulled back a little. "Awfully harsh, don't you think?"

"I have a busy day." I made my voice dismissive and hard. "I need you to go."

"How about I make you breakfast first, and then I'll head out." His voice was soft.

"No."

I slid out of bed and reached for my robe, feeling the cool silk slide against my skin as I put it on.

"Let me take care of you this morning."

"I got all I needed last night."

"You can't tell me that last night meant nothing to you," Edward protested. He slid out of bed and yanked on his clothing.

"It meant nothing to me." My voice was bland and expressionless and I fought to keep my face the same. "I want you to leave."

"I don't believe you," he said calmly. He slid his shirt on and began buttoning it. "You _felt_ something last night."

"It's called an orgasm, Edward," I said coldly. "I didn't say I didn't enjoy getting off. But now you've overstayed your welcome."

"That's it? You don't want to ever see me again?"

"No. It was a quick, _meaningless_ fuck."

"It was more than that. You're lying to yourself if you deny it. Last night when you looked at me... Bella, it was more than that, I'm sure of it. You liked what we had together. I don't know how to explain it, but it was more."

He stepped closer to me and, despite the urge to back up, I stood my ground. He touched my cheek with the back of his fingers. "Just give me your number. Give me a chance. It was more than just a quick fuck and you know it," he said softly.

"Get. The fuck. Out," I seethed. "Don't make me call Jacob!" My voice on the edge of breaking. Edward's words had pushed my limit. He wasn't wrong but he had no right to say what he did. He didn't know me. He didn't know what was going on in my life. _"Stop, just stop. Why does it even matter?"_

"Jacob? The old coot from last night?" He snorted. "Right."

"Just go or I'll call the cops."

He scowled and finished buttoning his shirt. He shrugged into his jacket before retrieving his wallet, phone, and keys from where he'd placed them on the dresser. I followed him as he made his way to the entryway of the apartment.

"I'm leaving my number." He took a sheet of paper from off the narrow table by the door and jotted something down, placing a heavy glass paperweight on top. "I hope I hear from you."

"You won't."

His face tightened and he walked to the door. He opened it, but paused for a moment before he stepped into the hall and pulled the door closed behind him. I picked up the paperweight and threw it as hard as I could. I watched as it sailed through the air, the piece of paper with Edward's number fluttering to the ground as the glass hit the door. It shattered, splintering into a thousand little pieces. I slid to the floor, unable to bear the weight of the pain crushing my chest, making me gasp for air. I sobbed with anger and despair, missing Riley more than I had since he left. And horrified that I could still feel _Edward's_ touch against my skin.

When I was finally too weak and exhausted, I staggered to the bedroom and nearly tripped. My green dress lay crumpled on the floor and I picked it up, clutching it in my hands as I cried. I sat heavily on the bed, only to be enveloped in the scent of Edward's cologne. I didn't recognize it, but the smell reminded me of fresh linens and clean soap, with the hint of summer rain and warm, earthy notes of wet soil. It was an easy, comforting smell and it pulled at me back to thoughts of Edward and what we had done the night before, how he held me after. His scent was comforting and welcoming, and almost instantly, I desperately missed the heavier notes of the cologne Riley had worn as long as we'd been together. I ripped the sheets from the bed and stuffed them into the laundry before I made my way shakily to the bathroom to scrub Edward's scent from my skin.

* * *

**End Note:** So there you go… Tell us what you think about the chapter and will see you next Thursday. Thanks for the reviews so far; all the feedback has been great!

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	8. Chapter 7: Regret

So we're back. The song for this chapter is "Everything In Its Right Place" by Radiohead youtu*be/VrpGhEVyrk0.

(For all of the links in the chapter, copy and paste and replace the * with a period)

Disclaimer: _All publicly recognizable characters, settings, etc. are the property of their respective owners. The original characters and plot are the property of the author. The author is in no way associated with the owners, creators, or producers of any media franchise. No copyright infringement is intended._

If you didn't know, our beta's are karenec, LJ Summers, and jakeward. They are fantastic and we couldn't appreciate them and their time more. Thank you, ladies.

**Chapter Seven: Regret**

* * *

There was a sharp rap on my door mid-afternoon and I rose from the couch to find out who was there. Peering through the peephole, half-expecting to see Edward, but there was only Jacob.

I opened the door and he spoke. "Miss Swan?"

"Yes."

"Delivery for you. Sign here."

Signing the conformation slip, I thanked him absently and took the package into the kitchen. I opened it and gasped when I saw the flowers wrapped in green tissue. I peeled back the paper, staring at one of the small white irises and the delicate splash of soft yellow on the flower's throat. I touched it hesitantly, feeling the silky petal against my fingertip. I had a feeling the flowers were from Edward. Certainly none of the guys I'd met lately had seemed like the type. I felt a small flutter of hope that they could be from Riley, but he hadn't sent me flowers in a long time. And it wasn't my birthday, or any other silly dating anniversary Riley and I had celebrated. I stared at the flowers for a long time before I hesitantly slid the card out from the envelope with shaky hands.

_Bella,_

_I am deeply sorry for the way this morning ended. My intention was not to hurt you. I truly believe it meant as much to you as it did to me. You lied to me, and to yourself, but your body told me something else. Last night could never be called meaningless._

_I won't presume to guess why you're hurting, but it's clear that you are. I'm not asking for much, merely that you give me a chance._

_Call me. Please._

_-Edward Cullen_

Angry, I tossed the note in the trash and lifted the flowers from the box, throwing them in as well. I didn't need Edward Cullen, his flowers, or pretty words. I needed Riley.

I dressed and went out, trying to distract myself with shopping. It didn't work. Edward's words echoed in my head over and over, a relentless litany that crowded out every other thought. Every scrap of peace I struggled so hard to hold on to had disappeared, ripped away by his note. I came home with three large bags full of expensive clothing that I couldn't even remember trying on. I tossed them on the bed and made my way back into the kitchen, trying to remember if I had eaten that morning.

"_How about I make you breakfast first?"_ Edward's voice echoed in my mind. My shaking hands found a bottle of water and I gulped it down. _"Let me take care of you."_

I left the kitchen, only to see the discarded flowers and crumpled tissue in the trash. The flowers were so beautiful, and I felt a stab of shame at letting them go to waste. I pushed back the green paper and lifted them from the trash, trying to smooth the crumpled petals. But they were creased and wilted looking, their delicate white flesh marred by dark, bruise-like lines. I put them in a vase anyway, re-cutting the stems and filling the vase with water.

As the day progressed, the flowers wilted more and more, until they were limp and lifeless. I felt guilty. Not only had he treated me with a tenderness and concern I hadn't felt from anyone since Riley, he had sent me something beautiful and I had destroyed it in a fit of anger.

Why was I so angry? An attractive man desired me. Was that so terrible? Was the idea of someone possibly caring for me so abhorrent?

I spent the rest of the day mired in guilt and slept badly that night. Dreams of Riley leaving consumed me every time I closed my eyes. When I got up the next morning, I wandered listlessly around the apartment, unable to focus on anything, even work. I finally dressed in running clothes and forced myself to leave the apartment.

I began my usual route, heading up Mission Street and to the piers. It was crowded and noisy, a sharp contrast to the quiet, peaceful deserted scene I saw every morning. Families and couples filled the sidewalks; mothers chasing after wayward children, husband kissing their wives, people laughing and celebrating. I suddenly felt so alone. I saw a young couple walking hand-in-hand and—from the back, they could have been Riley and me—then a small hand crept between theirs. They smiled down at a little girl with dark curls before the father swept her up into his arms and covered her with kisses. The little girl shrieked with delight and the mother looked on fondly. I was sick with longing. That was my life they were living; the life I had so carefully planned for and worked toward. Stomach in knots, I made my way to the railing, trying to calm myself.

When my stomach finally settled, I struck out a brutal pace. I reached Pier 23 and veered left, crossing the Embarcadero and cutting through Pioneer Park. Past the park, I ran along Greenwich Street and quickly up Columbus Avenue before I hit my destination. The change in terrain was brutal and made my calves burn but I had to get away from all of the happiness behind me. When I hit Lombard, I took a deep breath and went for it.

Lombard Street was one of the most brutal hills in San Francisco, a twisted, winding route that led up a steep hill through the Russian Hill neighborhood in eight sharp turns over a quarter mile span. It was lined with hydrangeas and was one of the most famous streets in the world. I had never tried to run it before. It was a punishing route to attempt at even a walk, but the insanely steep hill was taunting me. I was exhausted after the nearly two miles I had already done on the winding hills of San Francisco, but I wouldn't let this defeat me. It was as if this hill was a reflection of my life. All those couples down at the pier had gotten their happily ever after and all I got were obstacles. This was one that I wouldn't let stand in my way.

Taking a deep breath, I started up the first series of one-inch rising steps. The people along the path must have sensed my inner determination because as I made my climb they politely stepped out of my way. Each section of steps I took, I pushed harder and harder, struggling to maintain my breath. By the time I made it to the final steps, my body was screaming at me that it was too much.

I was panting and exhausted by the time I reached the top. Cramps had formed in my calves and thighs and I desperately wanted to collapse on the sidewalk below me, but I forced myself to turn at Hyde Street and slowly jog toward home. My lungs struggled to draw in enough air and even as I neared my building and slowed to a walk, I could still feel my heart thundering within my chest.

My shaky legs carried me in the door and up the elevator to my apartment. I finally gave in to the exhaustion, collapsing on the floor in my living room with a relieved groan. Some minutes later, I peeled myself up off the floor and staggered into the bathroom to shower and change.

I spent the rest of the day immersed in work, and it wasn't until I went to bed that night, sore and achy, that I realized why I had attempted that route. Running had cleared my mind and turned my focus onto my muscles and my need to conquer the hill, but it hadn't entirely wiped Edward from my thoughts.

Monday I did my best to get back into the normal rhythm of my life, but I was tired. Every time I tried to focus on my clients, my mind would zone out and I had to ask them to repeat themselves. By mid-morning, I was a wreck and when Charlie popped his head in the door of my office at lunchtime, he looked concerned.

"Are you all right, Bella? I thought I told you to get some rest this weekend."

"You did, and I tried. I just had a rough weekend."

"Did you stay in?"

"Not exactly. I went out for a bit Friday night and that was pretty good," I explained. "_Pretty good? As if the night with Edward had just been mediocre."_ But I was hardly about to tell my father that I'd met a guy who had fucked me senseless. My father and I were close, but not that close.

"That's good."

"I went shopping Saturday and on Sunday I went for a run down by the piers and tackled Lombard Street."

Charlie eyed me disapprovingly. "It's a miracle you survived," he said dryly.

I smiled at him. "I am feeling it today, that's for sure. Maybe that's why I didn't sleep well, my muscles were pretty achy. Even my usual morning runs didn't really prepare me for that."

"I hope that's all. I am worried about you."

"I know."

"I'd like to take you to lunch today."

"Sure. Are you ready to leave now?"

"Yes."

Charlie led the way downstairs to where Eli was waiting in the town car. Eleazar Denali had been my father's driver for many years before I was born. He had begun as a young man, just a few years older than Charlie himself. They were more friends than employer and employee. Charlie greeted him with a hearty handshake as if he hadn't seen Eleazar earlier in the day when he drove Charlie to the office. Instead of a handshake, Eleazar greeted me with a hug and I returned it enthusiastically. He had taken care of me, ferrying me to and from school when I was growing up.

Eli took Charlie and me to Spruce, one of our favorite restaurants, and we settled in to our usual table. The decor was simple, but very chic. The high ceilings with skylights let the light pour in and kept the dark walls and tan leather seats from looking too heavy and somber. The decor was minimal except for the candle holders, which were rough chunks of natural faceted quartz that had tea lights nestled inside.

Spruce was located just outside the golf course at Presidio Park and I couldn't resist teasing Charlie about that.

"Are you planning to stay and golf after lunch?" I asked him.

"Yes. It's a tough life, isn't it?" Charlie joked.

I smiled at him. "Absolutely. I don't know how you manage."

Charlie sighed and looked away from me for a moment before taking a sip of his Drambuie. "I am worried about how _you're _managing. Bella, you've lost weight, you look exhausted all of the time. Although your work has been outstanding for the most part lately, you're working too many hours. You don't have to push yourself so hard. You're a brilliant lawyer; I don't want to see you burn out."

I swallowed hard and looked down, fidgeting with the napkin in my lap. "I know. I just get so wrapped up in the work sometimes that I don't realize I'm not eating and not getting enough sleep."

"Maybe you should cut back. Have you thought about turning some of it over to Patrick and Alyssa? They're very good lawyers, and even though Alec isn't a civil lawyer there's no reason he couldn't oversee them, if you needed a break."

"There is no way in hell I am giving my clients to Alec," I said sharply.

"I know you two have never been particularly close, but I can't stand to see you carry on this way."

Thankfully, the waitress interrupted us and I took that time to think while I placed my order. When she was gone, he shot me a look encouraging us me to continue our conversation.

I frowned, not knowing how to put what I felt about Alec into words. I didn't want to accuse Alec of anything without solid proof, and it wasn't the only reason why I was so run down. Choosing my words carefully, I said, "I worry about Alec's dedication and his work ethic." I simply left it at that, took a sip of my wine, and waited for his reaction.

Charlie sighed and drummed his fingers on the table. "He does seem to enjoy the perks without putting in the time we'd like. I know Aro is somewhat disappointed. Are there specific concerns you have about him?"

"I just don't feel comfortable turning over my clients to him. I want to see their cases through."

"All right. But please consider declining the next case that comes in. There are plenty of lawyers in the office who would be happy to take it. You need a break."

The rest of lunch passed by more easily after we wrapped up the conversation about my life. We discussed my cases, various things Charlie was working on and, as we ate, the mood lightened.

I filled the rest of the week with work and before I knew it, it was Friday night again. Vanessa was out of town; her grandmother in Maryland was ill and she had flown out to visit her for the weekend. I didn't really feel like going to the clubs alone, so instead I made my way to Leah's bar.

Leah scowled and made no move to come over to me when I sat down at the bar.

"Any chance I could get some service over here?" I finally asked.

"You're no longer welcome here," Leah sneered.

"Excuse me?"

"I said, you're—"

"I heard what you said," I interrupted her. "Did I miss something?"

"Maybe the fact that you screwed over my oldest friend?"

"What? This is about Edward?"

"Of course it is. Look, I don't care what you do with your life, but you don't get to treat him like that. He doesn't deserve it."

"You're the one who sent him home with me."

"I thought he was smarter than that."

I recoiled, the insult stung more than I would have expected. "He's an adult. I am sure he'll get over it."

"Well, he isn't getting over it. Whatever happened between you two meant something to him."

"For God's sake, it was a one night stand. Why is that so hard to understand? It didn't mean anything to me and it shouldn't have to him either," I lied.

"You're a good liar, Bella. But you can only lie to yourself for so long."

Her words hit home and I decided I had overstayed my welcome. I grabbed my things, turned on my heel and left without another word.

Not wanting to go home and spend the night alone with my thoughts, I hailed a cab and directed the driver to take me to the Fifth Floor Restaurant. It was located inside of the Hotel Palomar, which were only a few blocks from my apartment. It was an elegant place that I frequently visited. It was nearing the end of the dinner hour and the restaurant was mostly empty.

The hostess greeted me with a smile. "Are you here for a drink in the lounge or to dine?"

"To dine, please."

"How many?" she asked.

"One."

She led me to a small table and cleared the place setting across from me. I ordered a glass of Chablis and perused the menu. It didn't take me long to make a choice and there was an attentive waiter on hand immediately. "_There were some advantages of eating alone,"_ I thought, _"you didn't have to wait while your dinner companion hemmed and hawed over what to order."_

I ordered a decent-sized dinner as my appetite had improved a little lately and I was looking forward to the cuisine. I sipped my wine while I waited for my meal and looked around the dining room. Its decor was simple with hardwood floors and walls painted a soft brown. There were minimal decorations beyond the black metal sconces on the wall, a few paintings, and some interesting red light fixtures hanging from the ceiling.

As I looked around, my eyes met those of an attractive, well-dressed man with short, sandy blond hair. He had a strong jaw, a decent tan, and deep blue eyes. He was dining with an older gentleman and glanced my way every so often.

The waiter brought my soup and I took my time to enjoy it. I missed dinners with Riley but sometimes I enjoyed the solitary meals. They allowed me to eat at my own pace and not worry about making conversation.

Before my entree arrived, I found myself trading glances with the blond man and realized it was lightening my evening. By the time I had finished my meal, I was pleasantly relaxed and had managed to put my disagreement with Leah aside.

"Would you like dessert, ma'am?" the waiter asked.

"No, thank you. Just a coffee, please."

"Of course," the waiter said and excused himself.

"Excuse me," I heard from behind me. Turning toward the voice, I saw the man who had been eyeing me earlier. His dining companion was gone and he was looking at me with a hopeful expression.

"Yes?"

"I couldn't help but notice you here, and maybe it's a bit presumptuous, but I'd like to give you my business card. Maybe call me sometime if you'd like to go out."

"Are you leaving? I mean, if you don't have other plans, you could stay and have coffee with me for a few minutes," I offered.

"I'd like that." He took a seat across from me and held out his hand. "I'm James Martin."

"Bella Swan."

It turned out, James was a lawyer as well, so we easily fell into conversation about the law and the firms we worked at. He was junior partner at a firm across the city well known for high-profile criminal cases. After spending most of the evening talking, James and I finally left the restaurant as they were shutting the place down.

"I'd really like to hear from you," he said, helping me put on my coat. I thought about his comment and about my resolution to end the one-night stands. The night with Edward and the following morning had been a complete disaster, and I needed to move past it. James seemed to be a nice guy; maybe doing something other than hooking up in a bar and then having meaningless sex was exactly what I needed to do.

"I'll give you a call," I promised, and left the restaurant.

When the cab arrived outside the Millennium Towers, I got out and went into the lobby. Jacob was behind his desk reading the newspaper when I walked inside. He eyed me and a pleased smile graced his face. I knew Jacob was only looking out for me, but his opinion on my social life now that Riley was permanently gone was beginning to wear on my nerves. When Riley left, he'd asked Jacob to watch out for me now that he no longer could. I would have rolled my eyes at how paternalistic it was, but I knew it was just because he cared. We might not have been together any more, but it didn't mean Riley wasn't still concerned about my well-being. Of course, Jacob took it to an extreme, and I was getting fed up with his judgmental attitude. He meant well, but he was becoming a nosy old man.

"Nice to see you home so early, Miss Swan," Jacob said. "And _alone._"

"Good night, Jacob," I muttered through my teeth, irritated by his never-ceasing need to comment on my private life.

His voice softened slightly. "Good night." I felt his eyes on me all the way to the elevators.

* * *

**Author End Notes:** Lombard street yeah? Because I love architectural history so much, here is a little 411. If you aren't familiar with San Francisco, this is one of the most famous streets in the world. Most people only think of the steep switchback section between Hyde and Leavenworth Streets, but it actually runs from Presidio Park to Embarcadero along the bay. The famous one-way section on Russian Hill is a steep ¼-mile, consisting of eight hairpin turns, paved in red bricks, lined with approximately 250 steps on each side. While the bricks are beautiful, they also serve a purpose. The road was designed and constructed in 1922, by property owner, Carl Henry. The bricks were installed to provide better traction going up and down the steep grade. At a natural slope of over 27%, the extreme switchbacks accommodate easier passage. The maximum grade a person feels comfortable climbing is under 16%, so even walking the steps is quite a workout. Lombard Street is truly a beautiful attraction in San Francisco. i46*tinypic*com/348onwi*jpg

Enough of my rambling; all the reviews have been great, thank you for all the positive feedback. We are glad you guys are liking the story so far! Let us know what you think about chapter seven and we'll see you next Thursday with chapter eight!

Feel free to stop by to chat or look for teasers in the following places:  
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	9. Chapter 8: Fascination

**Author Notes: **We are thrilled with all of the lovely reviews that have been coming in, and we appreciate every single one of them. Remember to sign in on FFn before you review! We had a couple of guest reviews that we would have loved to have responded to!

The song for this chapter is "Comptine d'un autre été, l'après-midi" by Yan Tiersen www*youtube*com/watch?v=H2-1u8xvk54

The photo for the chapter is of the San Francisco Museum of Modern Art: i50*tinypic*com/2nhovbm*jpg

Here are a few links for the chapter:

**The Exhibition: **www*sfmoma*org/exhib_events/exhibitions/410

**The Painting:** Henri de Toulouse-Lautrec's, _In the Salon: The Divan, _ca. 1892-93. goo*gl/DHWgt

_Disclaimer: All publicly recognizable characters, settings, etc. are the property of their_

_respective owners. The original characters and plot are the property of the author. The_

_author is in no way associated with the owners, creators, or producers of any media_

_franchise. No copyright infringement is intended._

Our beta's are karenec, LJ Summers, and jakeward. They are phenomenal and we deeply appreciate them.

This may be the chapter we wrote, and re-wrote the most.

* * *

**Chapter Eight: Fascination**

A large poster on a stand highlighted the title of the exhibition. I glanced quickly at the title, _The Steins Collect: Matisse, Picasso, and the Parisian Avant-Garde, _and moved eagerly into the room, excited to see the pieces. I made my way to the first painting on the wall; James followed me more slowly as I immersed myself in the piece by Toulouse-Lautrec.

"It's extraordinary," I murmured. "So different from his earlier works."

James made a non-committal sound of agreement. I continued to stare at it a while longer, taking in the vibrant color of the woman in the foreground against the more muted colors in the back.

I slowly moved to the next piece, studying it with equal fascination. I felt James shift restlessly beside me and I glanced over at him. He looked bored and I wondered why he had agreed to come with me to the museum if he wasn't interested in the art. I tried to move more quickly to appease him, but as always, I found myself enraptured with certain pieces, noticing the wild brushstrokes of Cezanne and the electric colors of Matisse. James sighed and I stopped and turned to him.

I placed my hand on his forearm. "Why don't you go get us some wine," I suggested, gesturing to the bar across the room.

"Of course."

I turned back to the piece I had been studying and a moment later I heard someone call out my name.

"Bella."

My head snapped up and I stared at Edward in shock, my pulse racing at the sight of him. Whether from shock, or something else, I wasn't sure.

"Edward? What are you doing here?"

He gave me an amused smile. "I'm a curator here."

"Oh, of course." I shook my head. I did remember him saying that at one point. I had been trying so hard to get Edward out of my head, and yet I'd somehow ended up at the very museum he worked at.

"Did you get the flowers?" he asked.

"They were beautiful," I admitted.

"But it doesn't change anything," I added, my tone slightly bitter. One gesture after a meaningless one-night stand wasn't going to convince me that I should see him again. Although, I could tell Edward wasn't like the other guys I'd hooked up with, he had a way of getting under my skin, leaving me feeling unsettled.

He gave me a long quizzical look. "You know, I'm trying to figure you out, but I don't understand what makes you tick."

"There's nothing to understand," I replied.

"Are you seriously telling me that you're happy?"

"Very." I gave him a level look, trying to put on my most convincing face. He didn't look convinced. A strange expression crossed his face; I could tell he was processing something but was choosing his words carefully.

He leaned forward and lowered his voice. In a seductive tone, he said, "Don't you remember the way I made you feel? The night we spent in your bed, trembling and shaking in each other's arms. The way you came on my tongue."

I closed my eyes and took a deep breath, far more affected by his words than I wanted to be. "I remember," I said softly.

"Then why are you here on a date with another man?"

"Because I want to be," I said snidely, refusing to yield.

Things with Edward had been a complete disaster that I had no intention of repeating. I had invited James in the hope that spending an evening out rather than going back to the bars or back to my apartment would be good for me. I wasn't ready to move on from Riley, but I hoped that getting out and being social would make me less lonely. Riley was gone and he wasn't returning to San Francisco, I had to accept that. I made the decision to push Riley away so as not to hold him back. I knew Riley would have stayed for me and given up his dream, but living with the fear of him one day resenting me because of it just wasn't something I could take.

"Then where's the lucky man?" Edward asked in a clipped tone.

"He went to get me a glass of wine." Edward's eyes lingered on me for a moment longer, seemingly waiting for my exterior to crack. Suddenly, he pulled away and looked over at the piece I'd been studying.

"Hmm...so, what do you think?"

"Of the piece?"

"The entire collection."

I relaxed, glad that the focus of our conversation moved away from our night together and to something less intense. "I love it."

"Do you have a favorite of the artists?"

"Matisse, I think."

"I could tell. You spent twice as long looking at his work as Picasso's."

"Yes." Suddenly, his words hit me and I quickly asked, "Wait, you were watching me?"

"I found your reactions interesting. You liked Cezanne's _Dancers _as well."

"I did," I admitted, sheepishly.

He leaned in and spoke softly in my ear. "Bella, I saw you with the guy you brought. _He wasn't even into the show_. All he did was stare at your ass, check his watch, and roll his eyes. You can do better than a guy like that."

Instantly my mind drifted to Riley. I knew I could do better—had done better—but that was all lost now. The familiar feeling of the walls closing in and the air rushing from my lungs began to creep over me. I couldn't allow myself to fall apart in front of everyone. _"Not here, not now... later. When I'm alone."_

"I suppose you are referring to yourself, but what makes you so special?" I asked sharply. "For all you know, James is perfect for me."

"_Why can't he just let it go?"_ I wondered.

"You admitted that Friday night was amazing," he said with a hint of smugness to his voice.

I shrugged, irritated by his need to remind me. "I admitted that I remembered what we did, that's all. You're not the only guy I've brought home, Edward. Regardless, I'm with James tonight and what we do or don't do is none of your business." Though I knew nothing was going to happen between James and me tonight, Edward's cockiness made me want to taunt him.

I saw a flash of something cross his face, but it passed so quickly I wasn't sure what it was. Frustration, maybe?

"You know, James has_ quite_ the imagination in the bedroom," I goaded him. It was a lie of course, but Edward didn't know that.

"But it won't be_ him _you'll be thinking about. You'll be thinking of _me_," he promised, throwing it right back. His hand grazed my forearm and I shivered. "No one will satisfy you the way I did. I bet you'll have to picture me to even get off... Call me," he said, turning to walk off.

Smug bastard. "Goodbye, Edward."

"Bella," he replied dismissively.

He glanced at his watch and made his way over to the front of the room. Determined to put him entirely out of my mind, I once again turned to the art, trying to focus on reading the place card next to the painting, but Edward, his words, and his closeness were still invading my thoughts.

A throat clearing at the podium caught my attention and I looked to see a tall, middle-aged woman at the microphone getting ready to speak.

"Ladies and gentlemen, may I have your attention? Now that you've had some time to explore the collection, I'd like to welcome our speaker for the evening. As curator here for five years, he has brought a wealth of knowledge to this museum and particularly this collection. It is the culmination of his four years of work in, conjunction with Janet Bishop, curator of painting and sculpture,here at the San Francisco Museum Of Modern Art; Cécile Debray, curator of historical collections at the Musée National d'Art Moderne, in Paris; Rebecca Rabinow, associate curator of 19th century, modern, and contemporary art at The Metropolitan Museum of Art; and Gary Tinterow, Engelhard Chairman, Department of 19th century, Modern, and Contemporary Art also of The Metropolitan Museum of Art." She paused for effect. "I present Edward Cullen!"

A smattering of applause broke out across the room and I robotically joined in. I'd no idea Edward was giving a speech tonight and I couldn't help staring at him as he made his way over to the podium. I'd been so irritated by Lauren the other day when she'd handed me the invitation to this event, that I hadn't taken the time to read it over thoroughly. If I had, no doubt I would have seen Edward's name listed on the invitation.

I was always eager to attend events at the museum, so other than a quick glance at the date and time, I hadn't even read it. I'd attended a number of exhibitions here for before, and the speakers were always dynamic and interesting. I had a feeling Edward would be no exception.

"Thank you for the warm welcome, Diana. This special exhibition is something I have been dreaming about putting together since I was an art student first exploring the world of modern art. My colleagues and I have worked tirelessly to bring these works to the Bay Area. So before I begin, please show your appreciation for their dedication and passion for the arts."

Polite applause followed and he allowed it to die down before he continued. "Tonight I would like to speak on the origins of the modern art movement. We will begin with the Steins and how they were an integral part of the birth of modern art." He cleared his throat and folded his hands on the podium before looking up at the crowd.

As Edward began his speech, I listened intently. He was clearly passionate about the history as well as the individual pieces themselves. He started out telling us about the history of each artist and how they became household names in in the art world.

He paused for a moment and his eyes swept the crowd. Cool, calm, and collected. His voice was strong and clear and carried through the room. My earlier irritation with him disappeared as I listened to his speech. I found myself mesmerized, hanging on his every word. Art had always been a passion of mine and I was fairly knowledgeable about art history. Edward's speech was informative and it was abundantly clear how much he loved the subject. His voice and demeanor were incredibly compelling.

I felt someone beside me but couldn't tear my eyes away from Edward to even acknowledge James as he thrust a glass of chilled wine into my hand. I nodded absently at him and sipped it as I listened. Edward detailed the history of the Stein family and the way their personal lives had influenced their art collection. His voice was sure and strong, and he looked relaxed and comfortable as he spoke. His eyes met mine for a brief moment and then he looked away.

Edward took a sip of water from the glass on the podium and then concluded his speech. "I hope you will take the time this evening to study the works we have on display here and read the accompanying text. Return in the coming months to appreciate the work again and again, because without these pieces and the dedicated enthusiasm of the Stein Family, Modern Art as we know it today would not exist."

When Edward's speech concluded, I applauded as enthusiastically as I could without spilling my wine. His eyes met mine and the corner of his mouth lifted in a little smile. A number of people swarmed the podium immediately, breaking my visual connection with him, and I tore my eyes away from his and turned to James.

"What did you think?" I asked, not expecting much of a reaction from him but hoping he would at least seem more interested.

He shrugged indifferently. "I don't really like modern art that much."

"We didn't have to come here tonight," I said. "We could have set up a date for another time so we could go elsewhere else."

"I wanted to see you tonight." James leaned in to speak in my ear and I jumped when his tongue reached out to touch it; I flinched and pulled away from him. I thought back to earlier in the week when I had first seen the invitation, suddenly wishing I'd never invited him in the first place. He seemed uncomfortable at the museum and he was definitely coming on too strong.

_Lauren entered my office and tossed the mail on my desk. "Here ya go."_

_Without looking at her I said, "Thank you, Lauren."_

_She lingered and eyed the pile she had dropped for a second. Turning my eyes up to her from the deposition I was working on she looked at me and said, "There's an invitation to some exhibit at the museum in there."_

_Internally rolling my eyes, Lauren's stupidity exasperated me. Meeting her eyes, I asked, "An exhibit? Do you mean an exhibition?" _

"_Yeah, I guess. What's the difference?"_

"_Well, exhibit is usually used as a verb, for example 'to exhibit a painting;' exhibition is the name for the showing of a collection of paintings."_

_A completely daft look swept across her face. I knew she really didn't care either way. "Umm... yeah, whatever. You're invited to something this week."_

_I glanced down at the invitation. There had been several articles discussing the upcoming show and I was very interested in seeing it. I had planned to call James that evening to make plans with him for the upcoming weekend, so this was the perfect opportunity. I could get to know him better and hopefully spend time doing something we both enjoyed. I picked up the phone to dial his number._

"_James Martin speaking."_

"_Um, hi. This is Bella Swan... we met the other night at the Fifth Floor Restaurant?"_

"_Bella? Oh, right, Bella, yes. How are you?"_

"_I'm doing well, thank you. How are you?"_

"_I'm good. To what do I owe this pleasure?" I could hear noise in the background and could tell he was moving around. Rather than draw our conversation out, I kept it short._

"_Well, I got an invitation to an exhibition at the Museum of Modern Art, and I wanted to know if you would you like to join me on Friday evening?"_

"_Friday evening, hmm, sure." The noise in the background got louder and I knew he probably needed to go. We made plans to meet there at the museum and I spent the next few days looking forward to seeing James again._

James nuzzled my temple, breaking me from my thoughts, and said, "You look really hot tonight." I had made an extra effort to dress up for the event, wearing a black knee-length sheath dress with a wrap detail at the waist, and sky-high black stilettos.

"Thank you," I said, feeling suddenly uncomfortable. I had been getting a strange vibe from him all evening and didn't like the fact that he had agreed to go to the museum even though he clearly seemed to be completely uninterested in art. I didn't want someone who was just going to humor me. I looked up to see Edward's eyes on me, a frown marring his brow even as he nodded and looked down to listen with apparent attentiveness to the person speaking to him.

"What do you say we get out of here?" James asked.

"I'm sorry; I had hoped to look around a bit more. Just thirty more minutes?" I requested.

James furrowed his brow but nodded, following me over to Matisse's _Femme au chapeau._ He kept his fingers locked around my upper arm and I shifted uncomfortably. An older man passed by us, accidentally brushing against me, and James scowled at the man. When he tightened his grip, I wiggled my elbow from his grasp, and made a pretense of digging around in my bag for my phone. I checked it and was just about to slip it back into my bag when a vibration against my hip startled me. James looked down, fished his own phone from his pocket, and opened it.

"James Martin speaking."

He listened for a moment and then stepped away from me, pressing the phone to his chest for a moment.

"I'm sorry, Bella, I need to take this call. I will be back in just a few," he said with slight urgency.

I nodded and he excused himself before I turned back to the Matisse painting to study it. _"Why did I take James to the museum tonight?" _I wondered. _Had I known that Edward would be here, even subconsciously?_ Thinking back to our conversation in my apartment, I remembered him telling me he was a curator at the art museum. Even if it hadn't been a conscious decision, I had to have known that there was a good chance he would be here. Did I_ hope_ he would be? Clearly, James had no interest in the art. Had I been subconsciously hoping to run into Edward again? I sighed and continued to the next piece, trying to push Edward from my thoughts. I was here with James and there was no reason we couldn't salvage the rest of the evening.

I spent a little while longer looking at the canvases before I realized that it had been at least twenty minutes since James had left to take the phone call. Thinking that perhaps something was wrong, I made my way to the lobby to look for him, but he was nowhere to be found. I hesitated for a moment before walking outside; perhaps he had taken the call out there. There were several people smoking and talking loudly. I made my way around the side of the building, wondering if he had gone somewhere quieter to finish his call. Instead, in an alcove tucked into the side of the building, I saw a couple in a passionate embrace.

The man's mouth was buried in the curve of the woman's neck, and her narrow white thigh curved around his hip, his hand gripping it tightly. Although they were in the shadows, I could see them in the light of the streetlamp. It took me a moment to realize that his hips were thrusting against her body and I could see the flash of the buckle of his belt as it moved, undone and bouncing against his thigh. I blinked in surprise, realizing that he was fucking her. I stared transfixed for a moment, until he lifted his head from her neck and threw his head back. The details all came swirling together at once: blond hair, chiseled jaw, blue shirt. My brain slowly caught up and with a gasp, I realized it was James. My date was with some redhead, fucking against the building in the middle of _our_ date.

A surprised laugh bubbled out of me and I clapped my hand over my mouth and turned, walking away as quickly as I could. I made it to the fountain across the street, and sank down on the concrete edge; the hysterical laughter finally spilling out of me. I laughed until I felt sick, the situation so ludicrous I couldn't even begin to comprehend it. _"Is this really what my life has come to? And why don't I care?" _I wondered. Why didn't I feel the least bit hurt or betrayed by James?

"_He is just a means to an end," _I reminded myself. "_A bandage on a wound that would never heal."_ The sob that ripped from my throat caught me by surprise. The laughter became tears and I felt my head drop as my fingers found the edge of the fountain, the hard corner biting into my palms as I struggled to calm myself. _Oh God, what was wrong with me?_ Where was the mask of the strong, confident woman who made her way through the day? The woman I thought I was becoming again. I felt like it all was slowly crumbling, revealing the real me underneath the facade I had built. I wasn't strong or confident at all. I was an exhausted, frightened mess. I felt an overwhelming need for Riley, for our life, and for that piece of me that was missing since he left. I wanted him beside me to comfort me, to take me in his arms and tell me he still loved me. I was inexplicably angry with Alec for forcing my hand and making me stay here in San Francisco when I could have been in D.C. with Riley, in his bed, in his life, where I belonged. I closed my eyes, feeling the pain wash over me in a tidal wave of grief.

Slowly, as the sobs eventually subsided, I became aware of the sound of the trickling water from the fountain. I turned a little, wiping away the tears on my cheeks and dipped my fingers into the cool pool of water, feeling it flow through my fingers, seeking the quiet peace it brought me. I drew in a final, deep, shuddering breath and closed my eyes, trying to center myself again.

"Bella?" A worried voice broke through the fog of my mind and I looked up through tear-soaked eyes to see Edward standing in front of me.

"Edward?" I choked out. He was the last person I wanted to see. His sympathetic smile made me want to fall to pieces again.

He knelt in front of me and took my hand. "Are you hurt?" he asked, his eyes raking over me as if expecting to see some visible injury on my body.

I shook my head and wiped at a tear that escaped. "No, I just..." I tried to pull my hand away from his but his grip remained firm. "I..." I tried to continue, the words stuck in my throat.

His other hand moved to my upper arm, his palm brushing against my skin. "Talk to me, tell me what's wrong."

I shook my head, unable to speak at all. I felt as though if let out the words that were locked inside my head and heart, I would break. I shook my head again and his fingers moved to my cheek, softly caressing it.

"What do you need?" His tone was soft and comforting.

His tender touch was too much and a sob burst out of me. I lurched forward, falling into his arms and he cradled me there, his strong embrace reassuring. His fingers brushed down my spine as he held my body tightly against him and I shuddered. I felt my tears wet the shoulder of his suit and he began to sway, just a little, gently rocking me. "Shh, you're okay. Don't cry."

I couldn't even draw in breath but he held my shuddering body until there were no more tears. Eventually, I pulled away and he sat back on his heels and took my hand again.

I refused to meet his eyes, embarrassed that I had broken down in front of him. He released a breath and stood up, brushing the dust from his knees. I winced, knowing how uncomfortable it must have been for him to stay in that position so long. He took a seat beside me and his thumb rubbed against the back of my hand.

"What happened, Bella?"

"I... it was James."

"Did he do something?"

I quickly jumped in to stop his thoughts. "No. He got a phone call and when he didn't come back, I went outside and saw him fucking some redhead. I... I was just so surprised I couldn't stop my reaction."

"You were that upset at seeing him with someone else?" he asked cautiously.

"No." I shook my head dismissively. "I was just completely bewildered by everything and at first, it came out as laughter, but then I started crying. I just feel so overwhelmed." I rubbed my hand over my forehead, upset by my reactions.

"Do you want to talk about it?" he asked.

I shook my head 'no.'

"Let's go get some coffee, then," he said softly. He helped me stand and put his hand on my lower back and steered me gently toward the sidewalk.

* * *

**End Notes: **Please let us know what you think about the chapter! Even if you haven't reviewed before, we'd love to hear from you. We promise to reply back! See you next Thursday with the next chapter.

**Discordia's Note:** Kherisma and our team of betas decided that including Edward's speech in the chapter made it drag and that it wasn't really necessary. They have a point. But I dearly love the article on the SFMOMA's website, and if you're an art history nerd like I am, or you're curious to read what Edward would have given as his speech, please check out the "Behind the Scenes at the Birth of Modern Art: Matisse, Picasso, and the Steins" article here.

www*sfmoma*org/exhib_events/exhibitions/details/stein_meet#behindthescenes

Feel free to stop by to chat or look for teasers in the following places:

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	10. Chapter 9: Need

**Notes:**

The song for this chapter is "Lover I Don't Have To Love" by Bright Eyes youtu*be/5PGVYUPVhng

This is a picture of the Café: i49*tinypic*com/mmq339*jpg

Disclaimer: _All publicly recognizable characters, settings, etc. are the property of their respective owners. The original characters and plot are the property of the author. The author is in no way associated with the owners, creators, or producers of any media franchise. No copyright infringement is intended._

As always, karenec, LJ Summers, and jakeward, you ladies are fabulous. Thank you for all your hard work betaing this story.

* * *

**Chapter Nine: Need**

Edward took my hand in his and we walked in silence for a few minutes. I wanted to pull away but it felt good to have my fingers intertwined with his. After the emotional upheaval of the night, it centered me. Several blocks away from the museum, Edward stopped in front of a small café. It was a small place, with no more than a dozen tables, each seating two to four. He led me to a table in the corner away from the few patrons.

"This is one of my favorite places," he said, once we were settled. "It reminds me of cafés in Paris."

"You've been?"

"Yes, I traveled some after grad school. And I made several trips while we were putting together the Stein collection. Have you been to Europe?"

I nodded. "I took a few trips with my parents when I was younger."

"Did you enjoy it?"

"Absolutely. I'd love to go again."

A waiter approached, dressed in black with a crisp white towel draped over one arm; the quintessential Parisian waiter.

"Good evening, Madame, Monsieur." He spoke in a strongly accented voice.

"Good evening," Edward replied. Turning to me, he asked, "What would you like to drink?"

"A cappuccino, please."

"_Deux cappuccino, s'il vous plait,_" he instructed the waiter.

"_Oui monsieur."_

"_Merci."_

"_Je veux en pris."_

I tried not to let my jaw drop in surprise. "You speak French?" I asked when the waiter had left.

He shrugged. "Enough. I'm not fluent, but I know enough to get by."

"I'm impressed," I said. A well-educated man speaking a foreign language was always attractive. Realizing I probably was a bit of a mess from my breakdown earlier, I excused myself. "I think I'm going to go wash my face and hands, I'll be back in a moment."

"All right." Edward stood when I did, and I smiled at the sight. It was rare to see men with manners like Edward anymore.

I made my way to the restroom on shaky legs, and stood in front of the mirror to assess the damage. I looked better than I had any right to, considering my crying fit. Splashing some cool water on my face, I dabbed at it gently with a paper towel and used my thumb to wipe away the smudged eyeliner. I dug through my purse to find my lipstick, and put a little on. Still looking a little pale and worn, but at least I was no longer a mess, I felt refreshed. Returning to the table there was a new spring in my step.

Edward was waiting with two steaming cups of cappuccino and a plate of crepes.

"What is this?" I asked as I sat down.

"Crepes."

"I know; I've had them before." I laughed. "What kind? And why did you order them?"

"Nutella."

I bit my lip. "They do look good," I admitted.

"Have a bite. I got them to share." He pushed the plate toward me.

"Are you sure?"

He motioned to my fork. "Come on, try some."

I cut off a bite and lifted it to my mouth. The chocolate, hazelnut flavor was intense, even in such small bites. I nearly moaned aloud at the taste of it wrapped in a warm crepe.

"They're amazing."

"I thought you'd like them." I tried to ignore the warmth that spread through my chest at the sight of Edward smiling at me. He looked so happy that I liked his food suggestion.

"Thank you."

He nodded. "That was one of my favorite things about Paris, the little crepèries around every corner. Walking through the city on my way back to my hotel, a warm crepe in my hand, the lights starting to come on as the sun went down. Magic."

I was spellbound at the look in his eyes, my fork poised halfway to my lips. I set it down and reached for my cappuccino, slipping two lumps of sugar under the foam and stirring them gently until they dissolved, without breaking up the thick, silky layer of frothed milk on top. I took a sip and closed my eyes in appreciation.

"Thank you for bringing me here," I said. "I feel better."

"Good."

**~LTOYL~**

Full from the crepes and feeling energized by the coffee, I let Edward take my hand as we stepped out the door of the café.

"Are you ready to head home, or would you like to do something else?" he asked.

I turned to look at him, noticing the way the street lamp cast light onto his cheek, and the dark shadow beneath his cheekbone. Fog had begun to gather, rolling in across the bay, and he looked almost otherworldly in the strange light. The planes and angles of his face were sharp and defined except for the curve of his full lower lip.

Edward had been nothing but a gentleman all evening and I couldn't help but think back to the night we met. He wasn't like any of the other men I had taken home. The morning after with him, on the other hand, was something I'd wished I could forget. Edward was someone I'd wished I could forget. But running into him at the museum tonight and, his kindness after James' thoughtless behavior, made me think twice about dismissing him so easily. He easily could have ignored me during my breakdown outside the museum. But instead, he took it upon himself so see if I was okay. Few people would have bothered.

Rather than pry into why I was so upset about this evening, he'd taken it upon himself to bring me to the cafe. The entire evening had shown me there was more to Edward, and it wasn't as easy to dismiss. There was no doubt that he was handsome, well-educated, and articulate. Tonight I'd also seen a thoughtful, caring side and it made me want to give him another chance. It made me want _him_. I struggled to understand the quick, all-consuming need I suddenly had for him. The night had been a mess and my emotions were still volatile.

"Bella?" he said, breaking me from my thoughts. I glanced up at him again; mesmerized by the way he looked, the way he made me feel. Our gazes met and something crackled between us, some memory of the heated night we'd spent in bed together. The memory was so strong I could almost feel his touch against my skin.

Impulsively, I stretched up on my toes and kissed him. Edward responded immediately, his tongue meeting mine in an eager thrust that made me gasp. He pulled me against him and I tilted my head, allowing him to kiss me more deeply. He buried his hand in my hair and I bit lightly at his lip before pulling back.

"I want you, Edward," I said breathlessly.

"My place or yours?" His eyes were dark and he looked hungry.

"I don't even know where you live," I admitted.

"It's a ten minute walk from here."

"Yours, then."

He pulled me into a searing kiss that made my heart hammer and then released me. With my hand firmly in his, we walked quickly down Third Street.

As we walked along the damp streets, Edward's thumb caressed my palm in slow, even sweeps. Before I knew it, we were standing on the sidewalk in front of an old brick warehouse. Looking around, I realized where we were.

"You live in the Oriental Warehouse lofts?" I asked, my thoughts of how much I wanted him temporarily put aside.

"Yes."

"I've always wanted to see what they were like inside. I heard great things about the renovation."

"I love it here. I looked at several of the lofts that were for sale before I picked the one I'm in."

He punched in a code and large steel doors opened into the lobby. It was sleek and modern, a stark contrast to the rough brick that encased the building. He led me through a door at the far side of the lobby and to the left, then into a wide corridor lined with several stories of windows. There were a series of walled patios in front of every unit on the lower floor.

"Look up," Edward told me and I lifted my head to see the night sky open above me.

"It's incredible, but how did they do that?" I asked, baffled by the layout of the place.

"How much do you know about the history of the building?" Edward asked.

"Not a whole lot. Just that it was a warehouse for the Pacific Mail Steamship Company in the late eighteen hundreds. And that the building was in really bad shape after it was abandoned."

"It was built in 1868 and used to house tea, coffee, and silk that were shipped in from what was then the Orient. About fifteen years ago, a company came in and remodeled it into lofts. It was in absolute ruin, but they were able to preserve the exterior brick shell and some of the original timbers. What they did was build a modern structure inside of the original brick shell. It's rectangular, and the street entrance we came in off is the narrower end. There are several corridors like this one and they each lead to a row of lofts."

He made his way to the end of the corridor and stopped in front of number 213. He unlocked the door that led into the patio, and then into the front door of his place. He reached around me to flip on the lights, and I stopped in the doorway to stare in wonder at the beautiful, twisting wooden spiral staircase that led up to the lofted area above.

"You love the staircase, don't you?" he asked. He put his hand on my hip and gently nudged me forward into the entryway, shutting the door behind us.

I nodded, stupefied by how incredible it was. Even at night, whole space seemed light and open. The staircase was the focal point of the room, and I tore my eyes away from it to look around more closely. There were gleaming wood floors throughout, and rough beams and pillars. One wall was made entirely from aged brick and there were large windows.

"Only the corner units have the brick walls with the arched windows," he explained. "And this unit was the only one with the staircase. The previous owners had it installed and it's probably the biggest reason I bought the place."

"You own this?" I asked, somewhat surprised. I had a fairly good idea of what a place like this would cost, and although his job at the museum was prestigious, the pay wasn't extravagant.

He nodded. "Family money. The Cullen Family has been in this area since the days of The Gold Rush."

"I'm sorry," I apologized. "That was rude."

He laughed. "To make it fair I'll ask you the same question. Do you rent or own?"

"Own. It was a gift from my father when I passed the bar and joined the firm. I wasn't completely sold on the idea of him paying for it until he made me take a tour. I fell in love with it and couldn't turn him down."

"Would you like a tour of my place?"

"Absolutely."

He led me through the living room and dining room. Under the lofted area, there was a large, open kitchen to the right and through a sliding door in the back there was a bedroom.

I glanced around the bedroom in surprise. It was neat and beautifully decorated, but it didn't seem very lived in. There was a cream-colored headboard and champagne-colored duvet on the bed, but little else in the room.

"Is this your room?" I asked, puzzled.

"No, my bedroom is in the lofted area upstairs. Why?"

"It just didn't really look like you. I mean it's beautiful, but it has a different feel."

He laughed. "There's a reason for that. My mother decorated it. I had a pretty specific idea of what I wanted for the rest of the place, but I didn't really have any ideas for the guest bedroom so I let her have fun. I don't have that many guests who stay over anyway."

I peered in the door to the en-suite guest bathroom and then made my way back out to the main living area of the loft. I glanced up the stairs, noticing the curved iron railing that ran along the left side and the matching railing that lined the entire length of the lofted area.

We climbed the stairs and stopped at the top when he pointed to the left. "This is my office. To be honest, I don't do that much work from home and most of it is on my laptop, so I don't absolutely need this area, but it's nice to have." He led me into the open space and pointed to the right. "My bathroom is through here."

I glanced in the door and my jaw dropped. "It's gorgeous."

"That was another major selling point."

I followed him past the stairway and into the bedroom; at the sight of the bed, I bit my lip. It was definitely a king size bed and had a large padded headboard covered in aged leather. The sheets were a soft-looking coffee bean color and the duvet cover was a rusty red-brown and looked silky. I wondered what it would feel like against my bare skin and I shivered at the thought.

The entire place was a blend of modern and old, with rough beams and aged brick that contrasted nicely with the stark black iron railing and pendant lights. It was warm and masculine looking without being stuffy or fussy.

I peered over the railing at the living room below. "What are the other units in the building like?"

"They vary. One of them I didn't look at for more than five minutes. It was decorated with floral prints everywhere. Which would have been fine, I could have changed that, but they renovated the kitchen and bathrooms making them look very country."

He shuddered and I laughed. "That is about as far from your aesthetic as you can get, I guess."

"Yes. And I just didn't want to deal with the hassle of major renovations."

"Yeah, I had my place redecorated last fall and even that was a pain."

"I didn't really like any of the central apartments," he added. "They didn't have the brick, and so many of them were really aggressively modern. I like clean lines and uncluttered simplicity but I hate the cold, sterile, white aesthetic you tend to see in so many modern designs."

I smirked, liking how passionate he was and the pride he seemed to take in his home. He grinned sheepishly back.

"Sorry, I get worked up about design. Guess I do bring some of my work home."

"No, I like that you're so passionate about it. I've met so many guys who are solely concerned with the way things function that they completely ignore the look. I mean, I don't want something pretty that doesn't work, but a blend is nice. I feel like your apartment is just right."

He nodded. "Yes, I like your place, too. It's a different look, but it's very serene. Feminine without being girlish. All cool, calm neutrals with just the barest hint of something fiery and secret lurking underneath."

My breath caught in my throat. "Is that really how you see it?"

"It's how I see you." Our eyes met for a long moment. His were hungry and I wondered what mine looked like to him. If they were equally needy.

"Do you want to go somewhere more comfortable?" he asked.

Involuntarily, my eyes shifted to the bed.

He chuckled and the warm sound made my skin flush. "I meant, do you want to go somewhere more comfortable to talk?" He swallowed hard. "Downstairs in the living room."

My heart hammered in my chest but I stepped closer to him.

"I'm enjoying our conversation but I think I'd rather stay here." My voice sounded lower, and huskier than I'd ever heard it before. His hands moved to my lower back, gently pulling me towards him.

"I've wanted to touch you since I saw you in the museum earlier. You were studying the Cezanne and you had your lower lip between your teeth."

"I do that when I'm concentrating."

"I know, you did it the other night, right before you slipped over the edge and fell apart," he whispered the words against my throat and I felt the vibration all the way down my body.

My breath hitched and I wound my fingers through his thick, silky hair. "Take me there again, Edward."

"Fuck, Bella." He gently pushed me down on the bed and his body immediately covered mine. "You drive me absolutely crazy. I don't understand it."

"I don't understand it either, but you drive me crazy, too," I admitted. I wound my leg around his, and felt his cock, hard against my hip.

Our mouths met in a frantic clash of lips and tongue and I struggled to undo his shirt as he fumbled for the zipper on my dress. I was eager, almost desperate to feel his skin against mine. His mouth moved to nip and lick at my heated flesh, causing me to moan and writhe under him. Pushing my dress down to my hips, Edward reached to remove my bra and took my nipple into his mouth, swirling his tongue before sucking on the bud. My eyes rolled back in my head from the pleasure and I rocked my hips against his, needing the friction. I threaded my hands through his hair and cried out when his teeth scraped across the sensitive tip of my breast. My head tilted back and I panted, my breath loud and strained. His hips began a slow steady rocking motion that made me ache with desire.

"Too many clothes," I said, pushing weakly at his chest.

He sat back and stripped my dress completely off me. When I was bare to him, he fell on his knees at the foot of the bed and yanked me forward, burying his head between my thighs. He devoured me like a starving man, fingers and tongue working together to bring me to a rapid climax that made me cry out. When it finally subsided, I weakly pulled him to me.

He didn't even take his pants off, just unfastened them and pulled his cock out. A quick fumble in the drawer of the bedside table produced a condom, and then he was inside of me. I felt his hands on my body as I moved under him and my own made their way to his back, grasping the muscled flesh to anchor myself.

It was nothing like the slow, measured way he had touched me the time before. This was wild, frantic, and full of need. His desperation for me fueled my own desire and I tightened my thighs around his hips. I pushed back, needing to make him fuck me harder. Not because I wanted it to be impersonal, but because I was so desperate to feel more of him.

"Yes," I called out. "Oh, Edward, yes." His mouth moved from my neck to my shoulder, his teeth biting, licking, and sucking. I was wet for him and as he moved within me, I felt my body begin to clench around him.

"I can't wait to feel you come around me," he said, his teeth nipping at my earlobe. "I need to feel you. It drove me crazy when you clamped down on my cock."

My body arched and I felt his fingers dig in to my thigh as he lifted it higher on his hip to push deeper into me. With barely any coaxing on his part, my body responded. _"How was it so easy with him?"_ I wondered. I closed my eyes and focused, reminding myself of the way I had fallen apart for him before.

"You're going to come so hard for me, Bella," he promised and with one final thrust that made my body explode with pleasure, I came, crying out his name. Just a moment later, he stiffened over me. His eyes met mine before he collapsed, pulling me with him so we were both on our sides.

He pulled out and removed the condom immediately. He kicked off the rest of his clothing and tugged me close; kissing me with a desperate hunger that was surprising considering he just had come only moments before.

"You make me feel so good." He kissed me again before I could respond. Truthfully, I had no idea how to respond. My mind was deliciously blank and my body was relaxed and content. He ran a hand over my hip and his head fell onto the pillow beside mine. "I've been thinking about having you in my bed since the last time we were together."

"I might have thought about you once or twice since," I admitted. I stretched, wondering if I should go home. The night had gone unexpectedly well with Edward, but I didn't want a repeat of what happened before. I was trying to come up with a way to excuse myself gracefully, when suddenly, I heard a beep from downstairs.

"Is that my phone or yours?" I asked.

"As far as I know mine is on vibrate," he said. He threw an arm up over his head, released a breath, and sat up.

"All right, I should go check then. I have no idea who would be calling me this late."

He frowned, and I wondered why, but I stood up, grabbed a throw from the chair nearby, and wrapped it around me. I walked carefully down the stairs, afraid of tripping over the hem of the blanket draped around me. I dug my phone out of my bag and walked upstairs again before checking it. I sat on the edge of the bed and saw that I had a text message from James.

_**Sorry, something came up tonight and I had to leave. Forgive me? **_

I laughed out loud and Edward gave me a puzzled look. I showed him the message and he laughed, too.

"You have to be shitting me. He left in the middle of your date to fuck someone else, ditched you without a word, then lies, and he has the gall to ask you for forgiveness?"

"Clearly, he's an ego-maniacal jerk. I won't be going out with him again, that's for sure." I cleared my phone and set it aside before turning back to Edward.

"I would hope not," Edward said.

"Definitely not," I assured him.

"Well, I'm sorry it upset you earlier, but I can't say I'm sorry about the way the night turned out," Edward said, sitting up just long enough to pull me down onto the bed beside him. I laughed.

"You know, I did promise you that you'd be calling out my name tonight," he purred against my ear. "I think I did pretty well with that, too."

I laughed again and rolled over to face him, pushing him onto his back. I straddled him and trailed my fingers down his chest. His lips parted and I watched the dazed expression return to his eyes.

"You would have called out my name, too," I said huskily. "If I'd gone home with James you would have come back here and lay in your lonely bed and thought of me." I scooted back until I was straddling his thighs. "You would have taken your cock in your hand and stroked it, and imagined I was here with you."

I grasped his cock and made a long, slow stroke up and down. "You would have fantasized about me. You would have imagined me doing this. Licking you, taking you in my mouth, making you come."

"Fuck, Bella." Edward's hand gently came to rest on my head as I leaned forward.

"Do you want to feel my mouth on you?"

He didn't respond out loud, but the way his cock twitched and his hand tightened on my hair was answer enough. Moving so I was kneeling between his legs and bent over, I opened my mouth and took him in, realizing how long it had been since I had wanted to give a guy head. The gasps and moans that Edward made spurred me on and I began a steady pace, sliding him in and out of my mouth. I looked up at him, watching the way his eyes closed, and his mouth fell open with pleasure. His stomach muscles clenched as he shuddered under me.

"I'm going to come," he warned me a short while later. "You don't have to..." His voice trailed off when I wrapped my hand around the base of his cock.

Just before he came, I gently moved off him to sit back on his thighs. He came in long, hard spurts onto his torso as I watched. He opened his eyes lazily and grinned at me. He looked so relaxed and pleased that I couldn't help the genuine smile that crossed my face in response.

"Fuck, Bella, your mouth..."He glanced down at his chest and laughed softly. "We made quite a mess."

"Sorry. Let me go get you something to clean up with," I offered, feeling suddenly uncomfortable. Though he warned me and told me I didn't have to swallow, I wondered if he was disappointed that I hadn't. I hadn't gone down on a guy and swallowed since Riley; I just couldn't bear the thought of sharing that with anyone else.

"Hey, don't apologize." He caught my hand as I stood up. "You were amazing."

I nodded and he released me, but I could feel his eyes on me as I made my way into the bathroom for a damp cloth. When I came back, he cleaned himself up, and pulled me back down onto the bed with him.

He rolled onto his side and secured me in his arms, his fingers moving to the base of my neck, up under my hair. His fingers gently tangled in my hair and he kissed me. It was a kiss without demand or pressure, merely a simple meeting of lips. I closed my eyes and relaxed into it. He was an exceptional kisser. Kisses with the guys I met in clubs had always been a precursor to something else. I had never kissed them just because I wanted to. But kissing Edward was enjoyable. We kissed for a long time, and although he was hard against my thigh, he didn't make a move to take things any further. A while later, I pulled back and half-turned away to yawn.

"Am I boring you?" he asked, his voice amused rather than offended.

"Just worn out. Sorry." Another big yawn took me by surprise and he laughed softly.

"I guess we better get some sleep. You had a long day."

I nodded sleepily and he laughed again before kissing my shoulder. My eyes closed almost immediately as I stretched. A small part of me wanted to go home, to stick to my usual routine, but with Edward's warm body wrapped around mine, it took away the lonely ache that crawled across my body.

I fell asleep on my side, Edward's arm draped across my waist, his hand resting on my stomach. I sighed and relaxed back against him, feeling one last kiss on my shoulder before I fell into sleep.

**~LTOYL~**

Something roused me from my sleep and I blinked in confusion at the vibration of my phone on the nightstand. I picked it up and squinted, my eyes momentarily blinded by the light. I silenced it immediately, not wanting to disturb Edward, and peered at the screen. My breath caught in my throat.

_One missed call: Riley Biers._

* * *

**Notes:**

Eck! Sorry for the cliffy. Let us know what you think and what could Riley possibly be calling for?

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	11. Chapter 10: Worry

*Peeks out from under our rock* Are you all ready to move past the cliffhanger? Thank you for not killing us this past week while you waited.

A little picture inspiration for you: i45*tinypic*com/m9r878*jpg

The song for this chapter is "Teenage Hearts" by Allstar Weekend youtu*be/2Efr_8D_tgk It's totally sappy and sweet but I kind of love it. ~K

Disclaimer: _All publicly recognizable characters, settings, etc. are the property of their respective owners. The original characters and plot are the property of the author. The author is in no way associated with the owners, creators, or producers of any media franchise. No copyright infringement is intended._

Big thanks to our incredible team of betas: karenec, LJ Summers, and jakeward. Let's give them a round of applause.

* * *

**Chapter Ten: Worry**

I rounded the corner breathing hard, my ponytail swaying against my shoulders. I picked up my pace, lengthening my stride, pushing myself harder. Faster. My thighs ached and my calves began to cramp but I continued, needing the agonizing burn and the rush of endorphins to clear my mind. I pushed my bangs away, irritated at the way they were clinging to my damp forehead.

Every time I thought of the night before, I pushed myself until the pace became brutal. I could feel my heart hammering in my chest, the blood rushing so strongly I could hear the whoosh in my ears over the sound of the music playing on my iPod. Suddenly, a blinding pain shot through my side, catching me by surprise and I stumbled before hunching over. Unable to right myself, I went down hard, lurching to the side in an attempt to land on grass instead of concrete. I winced when my elbow made contact with the ground, and I let out a muffled cry. I rolled onto my back, gasping for air, my fingers digging in to my side to try to relieve the ache. After several minutes, the cramp finally loosened, allowing me to breathe more freely. My lungs were still burning, but I could breathe deeper and slow the heaving of my chest. I relaxed on the grass, allowing my body to rest for a moment; I couldn't stay there long or my muscles would knot up, but I had a few minutes to recuperate.

A memory from the night before flashed through my mind. Excitement at the sight of Riley calling, and then the overwhelming sense of guilt from being with another man. I'd been struggling with my emotions for a while, feeling the roller coaster of high and low since the first night I'd met up with Mike. I was feeding off the attention and contact, then riding out the low when it ended. Hearing from Riley, while exactly what I'd always wanted, caused my guilt to hit an all-time high.

_I collected my clothes, and left Edward's apartment, feeling sick and anxious. As soon as I hit the street and the cold night air, I dialed my voicemail and closed my eyes. My hands shook as I heard Riley's voice, warm and soft._

"_Hey, babe, I know it's late, but I missed you and wanted to hear your voice. I know you're probably all snuggled up in your big, warm bed right now."_

_I heard him sigh into the phone. The wistful, forlorn quality to his voice made me want to cry. "I wish I could be there with you. I can't sleep... just needed to hear your voice tonight. I'll always love you, Bella."_

_A sob ripped from my chest as I frantically dialed his number, calling him back. What was wrong with me? How could I have been in bed with someone else when he was alone and missing me?_

_I willed my tears away, not wanting to sound as upset as I was, and drew in a deep shaky breath waiting for him to pick up. It rang several times before going to voicemail and the moment I heard his voice, I broke down. I hit end call before it could record my hysterical cries and I stood there shaking, my trembling hand pressed to my mouth to muffle the sound of my grief._

_Still crying, I called Eleazar; I immediately felt guilty for waking an old man at such a late hour but I didn't know who else to turn to._

"_Miss Swan?" he answered hoarsely._

"_I... I need a ride, Eli."_

_I heard a mumbled voice in the background asking what was wrong, and Eli explaining that I needed a ride._

"_I'll head right out," he said, once he returned to the line. "Where you do need me to pick you up from?" he questioned._

_I glanced at the street number on the side of the building and sniffed. "Six... six-fifty, Delancy Street." _

"_Six-fifty, Delancy. Okay. Right down by Embarcadero and the waterfront, right?"_

"_Uh-huh."_

"_Do you need anything else, honey?" he asked, the concern in his voice evident._

"_No... No I just need the ride, please."_

"_Okay. I'll be there just as fast as I can, okay?"_

"_Okay." I whispered goodbye and leaned back against the rough brick of the building, shivering when I realized I was poorly dressed for the cool, damp air._

_I listened to Riley's call again, torturing myself with his voice and sweet words until the sleek, black town car pulled up. Eleazar was out of the car as soon as it stopped._

"_Honey, come here." He wrapped his arms around me and pulled me into a hug. "Carmen and I are worried sick. Are you all right?"_

"_I'm okay. Just having a bad night."_

"_Are you hurt?"_

_I shook my head, feeling like a little girl again. "I just wanna go home."_

"_Okay. I'll get you right home."_

_He helped me into the car and slipped something in my hand before closing the door; it was a lemon drop. He'd always had a small tin of them in the front seat of his car. He gave me one every day on the ride home from school when I was a child. I slipped it into my mouth, the sweet-tart taste taking me back to my childhood. My crying finally subsided, and I curled up on the seat, unsurprised to find a blanket and pillow sitting on the smooth, clean leather. I closed my eyes on the ride home—exhausted and wrung out—not realizing I had nodded off until the car came to a stop._

_I blinked in surprised, wrinkling my nose at the lemony taste still lingering in my mouth from the half-dissolved candy. I chewed it quickly and swallowed before reaching for the water I knew he always kept in the car. I shook my head in amazement—the man was flawless. He helped me out of the car and to the door. Jacob was out of his chair and at the door faster than I thought an old man could move when he saw us._

"_Is everything all right, Miss Swan?"_

"_I'm fine, Jacob," I said tiredly. "I'm going to go upstairs and go to bed now."_

_I turned to Eleazar. "Good night, Eli, and thank you. Apologize to Carmen for me, I hated waking you both up."_

"_I'm glad you called. You always can, you know?"_

"_I know." I hugged him and he hugged me back a moment longer than I had expected. Jacob took my arm and I rolled my eyes at the thought of the old man supporting me, but I didn't protest. He helped me up to my apartment and I thanked him, saying goodnight before going inside and collapsing on my bed._

"Miss, are you all right?" I blinked in surprise at the person peering down at me. It was a middle-aged woman with kind blue eyes.

I had been so lost in my thoughts I had forgotten where I was.

"Yes. Just had a stitch in my side." I sat up and smiled at her reassuringly.

She eyed me cautiously. "Just wanted to make sure."

"I appreciate it, thank you."

She smiled at me and waved away my thanks before walking away.

I groaned when I stood up. I had been lying on the grass for far too long, and my muscles felt stiff and achy as I walked the rest of the way back to my building.

**~LTOYL~**

Once back in my apartment, I immediately stepped into the shower, sweaty and still aching from my run. I had spent the entire run thinking about Riley, worrying about him really. He had sounded so lonely and melancholy on the phone. And I was surprised that he hadn't called me back yet. My mind was racing with different possibilities that could have happened. _"Was something wrong? Had something happened? Oh, God, what if he was hurt!" _I finished my shower and toweled dry quickly. I decided I would just message him and make sure he was all right. Thinking about it had led me to all sorts of terrible scenarios, and worry had my stomach twisted up in knots. I didn't even bother to dress or comb through my hair before I found my phone and texted Riley.

_**Hey, I know I'm probably being stupid, but are you all right? Sorry I missed you last night. I called back but it went right voice mail. How are you? I've missed hearing your voice. **_

My worry only increased as the time passed since I sent the text. I finally tore myself away from my phone to get dressed, but I couldn't stop myself from checking my phone obsessively. An hour later, I finally received a reply.

_**Lol. Hey, babe. I'm fine. I was awake and thought you'd be up. Were you asleep when I called? **_

I responded immediately: _**Yes, I couldn't get to the phone in time. **_

He replied,_** That's okay. I forgot I had my phone set to silent, so I didn't hear your call back. When you didn't answer right away, I set it down and tried to sleep. **_

I sighed with relief, the tension in my body finally easing. I had overreacted as usual and there was nothing to worry about. But knowing he was all right didn't ease the ache in my heart.

Quickly, I replied I missed him.

_**I miss you, too, babe, so much. I have to run though; I'll talk to you later, 'k? **_

I was disappointed that he had to go, but relieved that he was all right. I eagerly waited for his message throughout the day, but to my disappointment, I didn't hear from him again that night. It wasn't until late Monday that I finally got a reply. We played phone tag all week; I even called one night and left a message, but he wasn't in. That night, I moped around the apartment, eating take-out Chinese chicken and broccoli, and trying to work on one of the lawsuits I was handling. I had just resigned myself to the fact that I wouldn't hear from him that night when the phone beeped with a message from Riley.

_**Sorry I missed you, babe. I had a fundraiser dinner tonight. Boring as hell and I can't tell you how much I would have loved you to be there. Remember last year at the Annual B&W Ball. You looked so amazing in that dress. I can't get it out of my mind... **_

I smiled at the thought, remembering that night as clearly as if it had been just a few days before.

_I looked down, smoothing the floral lace fabric across my hip, glad that Riley liked my dress so much. It was a long column of black lace that fit snugly and flared out at the knees. The V of the neckline of the dress showing just a little bit of cleavage and I noticed Riley's eyes lingering there. I gripped the back of his tuxedo jacket as his fingers continued to explore, gently trailing down my neck to the matching V in the back. _

"_Bella, I love you so much," he whispered._

I swallowed hard, pushing the memory of that night from my mind before I began to cry. I hastily typed a response to Riley and blinked away the tears in my eyes.

_**I would have loved to be there with you. That was a great night. You looked so sexy in your tux. **_

**~LTOYL~**

Though my thoughts were consumed by Riley, I was surprised when I didn't hear from Edward, the following week since he had been so persistent before. I hadn't heard back from Riley and I found myself missing him more and more. I couldn't stop thinking of different things we had done together and each night I would fall asleep reading different periods from my old journals.

_March 7, 2000_

_Renee hates the idea of me being a lawyer. I think she has the idea that I'm going to be a society wife like she is. There's nothing wrong with it, but I know she hasn't been happy. And I can't imagine not doing something with myself. I have always been fascinated by Dad's job. I used to love it when he went in on the weekends and I got to go with him and play in his office while he worked. Once I got older, I'd still go, I'd just take a book with me. He liked to explain the cases he worked on, and I never tired of hearing about it. I don't think there's a time in my life I haven't wanted to be a lawyer._

_March 28, 2000_

_Riley called today and sounded really upset. It worried me, especially when he said he'd gone to a party the night before and did something he wasn't very proud of. He said he got drunk and nearly kissed a girl. She was very willing and he was lonely, but he said he didn't even touch her before he changed his mind. He said there was no way he could do it. He loves me too much ever to do anything like that. I am not happy; it hurts hearing that he even considered it, but I have to be realistic, there are going to be temptations there. And I trust him when he says that nothing happened and never will happen. _

_October 21, 2000_

_I feel like I'm about at the end of my rope. It's been a horrible couple of weeks. Midterms are killing me. I've never been this stressed out. I know it'll all be worth it when Riley and I graduate at the same time, but what was I thinking? Eighteen credits are INSANE. I fell asleep in the library studying the other night and I can't actually remember the last time I did anything fun. I know this is what the rest of my life is going to be like; lawyers work crazy hours. But I don't know if I could make it without Riley. He's the only thing keeping me going. He gives me these little pep talks when I'm feeling overwhelmed, and just a kiss from him helps so much. I'm pretty sure I'm going to sleep for a week once the semester is over though. _

_December 17, 2000_

_It's hard to believe my first semester of undergrad is over. It went by so quickly. I loved it though. Every minute of it. Well, maybe not the sleep deprivation from studying so much, but the rest of it was wonderful. I'm sort of dreading winter break at home. It'll be great to see my dad, I miss him so much. Renee though... ugh. I don't know. I feel bad. I shouldn't dread seeing her, but I don't feel like I even know her anymore. I can't even remember the last time I even referred to her as Mom or my mother. _

_I am excited about my classes next semester, too. Riley and I have a couple of classes together, which will be really nice. I just love the way I can see our lives coming together; there are so many amazing things ahead of us._

Saturday, I spent at home taking care of some much needed chores I'd been neglecting. I did laundry, picked up my dry cleaning, and went grocery shopping for the upcoming week. That night while skimming though another page of my journal, my phone rang and I reached for it, absently.

"Hello?"

"Bella." As soon as I heard my name, I knew who it was and my heart sped up. It had been a while since I'd heard Riley's voice and it never failed to make me feel better.

"Riley! Hey, I was just thinking about you." I couldn't keep the excitement out of my voice.

"In bed?"

I laughed. "Yeah, in bed. But not the way you think. I was reading my old journals. The ones from Freshman year at Stanford."

"Aww, yeah, you were always writing in those. I didn't realize you still had them."

"I could never throw them away; there are so many good memories in there."

"Yeah, there are. I hate that we've been playing phone tag all week. I've just been so busy. They have me running mad with work."

"Me, too." I sighed.

"How's the office?"

"It's fine, I have a couple of interesting cases right now. A sexual harassment suit I've been working on. But it's a huge amount of prep work, you know how it is. What about you? How is your future political career going?"

"It's...going. No, it's good. Really. Just so much schmoozing and ass-kissing. You'd have killed someone by now, babe. You're so charming, you'd have them eating out of your hand, but you'd hate how fake it all is."

"I would." I laughed. "The office parties are bad enough."

"But, the Senator seems really happy with my work and he's introduced me to all sorts of important people lately, so I think it's a great step forward."

"I'm happy for you," I said honestly. I missed him more than I could begin to put in to words, but the excitement in his voice was unmistakable.

"What have you been doing for fun?" As soon as Riley asked the question my heart sank. I couldn't tell him how I really was or what I had been doing; I knew it would break his heart. I decided to keep it light and about work.

"Fun? That still exists?" I tried to joke. "With the twelve to fourteen hour days at the office I forgot there was something other than work and sleep."

"Come on, Vanessa hasn't dragged you out lately?"

I hesitated slightly before answering, not wanting to lie to him. "Not in the last few weeks, she's been visiting her grandma lately. She's dying."

"Tell her I'm sorry to hear that," he said softly.

"I will."

"Please tell me you're doing something other than working, babe. I want you to be happy."

"I know, Riley. I'm fine, really. " I hated the thought of Riley worrying about me, and a part of me wanted to convince myself that I was doing okay, even though I knew it wasn't really true.

"Bella..." His voice trailed off, but I could hear the doubt.

"I went to the museum the other day," I offered, and then winced at the thought of how that night with Edward had played out. Fuck, my life was a mess.

"I don't suppose I have to ask which one," he teased half-heartedly. "You and your modern art."

"It was great," I said honestly. "Matisse, Cezanne, and Picasso."

"Right up your alley then." I could hear the sadness in his voice. He could tell I was struggling, but at least trying.

"Y-Yes," I said, clearing my throat, trying to hold back my emotions. "I wanted to take them all home with me."

Riley had always teased me that someday I'd show up with a piece of an expensive art and claim it had followed me home like a puppy. He had promised that he'd buy me a painting every year for our wedding anniversary and that by the time we were old and grey we wouldn't have wall space to hang them all. I bit my cheek hard, trying to stem the tears that threatened to fall. I couldn't let Riley know how miserable I was without him. How much I desperately missed him.

"Did you restrain yourself?"

"Yes, I was good." My voice hitched as I almost choked on the words.

"Hey, you okay?"

"I'm good. Just allergies," I lied.

"Bella..." He knew I was lying.

"I'm fine, really," I said more firmly. I needed control back; I'd fought so hard over the past few months to keep myself together; I couldn't let go, not now, and not with Riley on the phone. "Any particular reason you called?"

"I... I just miss you," he said hesitantly. "I always miss you, but the last few weeks... it's been especially rough."

I felt my resolve slip away hearing his confession. "I know, it's been hard for me, too."

"We're doing the right thing though, aren't we?" he asked, sounding more like the seventeen-year-old boy I'd first started dating than the thirty-year-old man he was.

"Yep." I struggled to keep it together. I was on the verge of falling apart and I couldn't let him second guess our decisions. We had gone back and forth a thousand times. The first few weeks after he was gone I had wanted to call him nearly a thousand times and beg him to come back home. But the only thing I hated more than the thought of losing him was the thought of him resenting me for forcing him to give up a career he loved. I loved Riley too much to hold him back. "You're going to be great, Riley. I know it."

"Bella, I still love you." All I could do was listen to him breathe through the phone as I struggled to hold myself together. I loved to hear his words, but it was like ripping my heart open all over again. I still loved him so much.

We were both silent for a while, the weight of his words resting on both of us. I was afraid if I spoke, I would break down completely. After a while, he started speaking again, talking about inconsequential things. He told me a funny story about someone at the office and I laughed. He had always known how to cheer me up. We talked for the rest of the night, and I finally fell asleep to the sound of his voice, whispering goodnight.

* * *

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	12. Chapter 11: Invitation

The song for this chapter is "_" by _. Help us out! We were both stumped as to a song that fit well on this one. If something speaks to you let us know and we'll consider it for the playlist! Yep, that's right, we have a playlist. If you're interested in a list of the songs send us a PM and we'll hook you up!

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Disclaimer: _All publicly recognizable characters, settings, etc. are the property of their respective owners. The original characters and plot are the property of the author. The author is in no way associated with the owners, creators, or producers of any media franchise. No copyright infringement is intended._

karenec, LJ Summers, and jakeward are our lovely betas and they are all sorts of awesome. Thank you!

* * *

**Chapter Eleven: Invitation**

When I returned from my run—a sweaty exhausted mess—I met Jacob, scowling at me as he sorted the mail.

"You're working yourself to death," he said, his words dripping with disapproval.

"Excuse me?" It was none of his concern what I did. I was a grown woman and how I ran my life was my decision.

"You've been going in to work early, coming home late, running longer and longer every day...it's taking its toll."

"It's none of your business," I snapped.

"Maybe not, but I'm not just going to sit here and watch you wear yourself down without sayin' something."

"Well I wish you would keep your thoughts to yourself. I'm a big girl, I have a busy work schedule, and I like to run. I hardly see how that's anything to be concerned over."

Jacob looked at me with concern and disapproval. "What about the men you bring home?"

"What about them?" I questioned, my tone harsh. "May I remind you it isn't your place to do anything but make sure that this building is safe. That _doesn't include_ snarking at me about my work life or my private life."

His face went white and I grabbed for his arm when he swayed.

"Jacob, are you all right?" I asked, our argument completely forgotten.

"Just feeling a little lightheaded. Let me sit down." I helped him to his desk and passed him a water bottle that was sitting on the desk beside him. He sank into the chair with a relieved grunt and took a sip of the water before placing it back down beside me.

"Chest pain? Shortness of breath?" I asked, worried that he was having a heart attack.

He shook his head and slowly his color returned to normal. "Just too much shouting for an old man. You should be nicer to me," he said grumpily.

I laughed, glad his typical demeanor had returned. "It wouldn't hurt for you to be nicer to me, too," I reminded him. "Can I get you anything, more water, or something to eat?

"Nah, I'm fine. Emily sent me a good lunch and when Seth comes in I'll go eat it," he reassured me.

"All right. Any mail for me?"

I saw an envelope, half-covered by a magazine and picked it up, surprised to see my name on it. The elegant script reminded me of the note . . . Edward had sent this to me.

"Did I get this today?" I asked, inspecting it more closely. Realizing there was no stamp, I said, "Wait, this wasn't mailed. Did he drop it off?"

Jacob gave me an innocent look. "Did who drop what off?"

"Jacob, don't play around. Did Edward drop off this letter for me," I said annoyed.

"One of your men did—the tall one with the dreadful hair."

"Edward," I said, slipping my finger under the flap and opening it. I liked Edward's hair, but it didn't surprise me that Jacob thought it was dreadful. I pulled out a card and flipped it open.

_Bella,_

_You haven't responded to my previous messages, but I had to try one last time. Our second night was as memorable as the first, although I preferred waking up to you. Even if it means getting paperweights thrown at me._

_I can't stop thinking about you. Please call me._

_-Edward_

His business card was tucked inside and I examined it before it occurred to me what he wrote. I let my hand fall to my side and I glared at Jacob.

"Is there something you _neglected _to tell me?" I asked sternly.

"Of course not. I... I wouldn't hide anything from you," he protested, looking guilty.

"You're lying. Did Edward send me any more notes?"

"Uhh..." He shifted awkwardly in his chair.

"Jacob Black, you ought to be ashamed of yourself, withholding mail from a tenant." I shook my head at him. "I bet Seth would be horrified."

"Now don't you go bringing him into this," he grumbled and opened his desk, pulling out another letter and a phone message slip.

"Which of these came first?" I asked.

"The phone call."

I examined the message slip; it merely said that an Edward Cullen had called for me earlier in the week and had asked me to call him back. There was a hastily scrawled phone number at the bottom.

I looked at the letter next, it had been sent several days after the phone message.

_Bella,_

_I don't know if you got the first message I sent you. Your friend at the desk seemed less than thrilled to see me._

_I am sorry if I pushed you the other night. I woke up and you were gone. I know whatever is going on your life is none of my business, but I only want to ease your pain, not add to it. My apologies if something I said or did made you uncomfortable._

_Please call me; I would like to see you again._

_-Edward_

Another of his business cards was enclosed and I clutched it in my hand before frowning at Jacob.

"I can't believe you kept this from me." I glared at him.

Jacob apologized sheepishly and I sighed. "Are you sure you're all right?"

"I'm fine. Run along now."

I touched his shoulder and made my way up to my apartment. I didn't know how I felt about Edward's messages now that I realized he had tried to get in touch with me last week, but I was annoyed that Jacob hadn't given them to me. I had actually been somewhat surprised by the lack of contact from Edward, but I figured he had given up on me after my late night departure.

I showered, still thinking about him and wondering if I should call him at least to apologize. I had been rude in not responding, even if it hadn't been my fault.

I tried to put it from my mind while I dove into case files and I spent the rest of the day in a blur of legal briefs and strategy for an upcoming case. When I resurfaced, I was surprised to find that it was dark out and I realized I hadn't eaten all day. I was starving.

I ordered in and ate, while making final notations to the work I had done earlier and went to bed without another thought of Edward again that night.

The following morning, I slipped into my usual routine and was thoroughly engrossed in my work when Bree walked in to my office.

"Morning, Bella." She smiled at me.

"Morning, Bree." She was the receptionist at the front of the office and had been working for us for about eight months. She was young, only about twenty-two, and a pretty, natural blonde. She was always polite and friendly, and seemed to do her job well, so I was happy to have her around. I idly wondered if I could trade her for my assistant, Lauren, at least until Gianna was back.

"I have a question for you."

"Oh?" I glanced up at her.

"Will you be coming on Sunday?"

"Coming to what?" I asked, semi-distracted, trying to find a file in the pile on my desk.

"To an office barbecue at the park. I'm trying to get a head count for Sue so she can give it to the caterer."

"Oh yes, that's right." I continued to dig around, searching through papers, stumbling across Edward's card in the process. "I suppose it is that time of year, isn't it?" She waited patiently while I stared at her blankly. "I'm sorry, Bree. Yes, I will be there."

"Will you be bringing someone?"

"Bringing someone?"

"For your plus-one."

"Oh. No, I don't think so." I paused to think a moment, still clutching Edward's card in my hand. I hadn't given the yearly barbecue much thought since Riley and I had gone together in years prior. The thought that he wouldn't be with me this year stung a little. Unfortunately, it wasn't really a function I could gracefully get out of. But I wasn't sure I could bear to go alone.

"Actually, on second thought, yes, I will be bringing someone."

Bree raised a brow at me. "Two then. Thank you, Bella."

"Sorry, I'm feeling a bit scattered this morning," I apologize. She waved it off before stepping out of the office.

"_Who to invite though?"_ I hadn't really met anyone lately. Goodness knows James was out of the running now, I wouldn't be calling him again. _"I could invite Edward,"_ I mused, startled by the bit of excitement that I got just by thinking of him. I did owe him an apology. Lauren's voice coming in over the phone announcing I had a call snapped me out of my musings. As I took the call, I jotted down a reminder to call Edward after lunch. _"No big deal, it was just a casual escort to a company function. Nothing at all to worry about."_

Work quickly consumed me and I didn't think about calling Edward again until after I ate lunch.

In my search for a case number, I noticed the note about calling Edward and set aside my work for a moment. _"I could call him now,"_ I thought. I retrieved his card from where I had tucked it into my planner and studied it, noticing that his middle initial was A. I idly wondered what it stood for. I picked up the phone and dialed his number, nervously tapping my pen on my desk while waiting for him to pick up.

A slightly breathless voice answered, "Edward Cullen, Special Exhibits and Collections, how may I help you?"

"Edward?"

"Yes."

"Uh, this is Isabella. Um, Bella Swan." Good lord, what had happened to the cool and collected lawyer? I sounded like a thirteen year old.

"Bella." His voice registered his shock.

"I need to apologize."

"All right," he said cautiously.

"I want to apologize for leaving the other night. I needed to get home; I had to get into work early the next day," I fibbed.

"You work on the weekends?"

"Well yes, I mean no, uh, I worked from home."

"Oh... Well, it would have been nice if you'd woken me, but I understand." We both were silent for a moment. "Is there anything else you wanted to say?" he asked, finally.

"Uh, yes. I wanted to say I was sorry as well for not responding to your messages. It appears my doorman had some trouble remembering to get them to me. I didn't get them until yesterday."

"Oh, I did wonder. He's a bit of an odd old man, isn't he?"

"Yes, but he keeps an eye out for me, so I can't stay too mad at him," I explained. "Anyway, I had planned to call you to apologize, but work came up and I had another reason to call. Do you have plans for this Sunday?"

"I warned you that you wouldn't be able to get enough of me," he said smugly.

I chuckled, half-amused and half-annoyed by his cocky statement.

"No, I don't have any plans that I can think of off the top of my head," he continued. "Why?"

"Well, I wanted to invite you to a barbecue. It's an annual thing we do for the employees and their families, and I of course need to be there. I was wondering if you'd consider being my plus-one."

"Well what are we talking here, all day, part-day; will I be required to hold your hand?" He sounded slightly irritated and I winced knowing I deserved that.

"Just part of the day, afternoon and early evening. And I believe the hand-holding is optional."

He laughed slightly, and said, "I suppose I can handle that."

"Great."

"Sure. Just tell me when and where."

"Three o'clock, Golden Gate Park. Dress casually."

"Do you want to meet there or would you like me to pick you up?"

"It can be a bit of a zoo there, so why don't you pick me up at two-thirty," I suggested.

"All right. I'll look forward to seeing you." Edward's voice softened a little. "I'm glad you called."

"I'm glad you can make it," I admitted.

"Have a good rest of the week, Bella."

"Thanks. You, too."

I hung up and stared down at my desk for a moment, slightly confused by the conversation and how relieved I was that he could make it.

For the rest of the afternoon, I helped one of the other lawyers with a particularly tricky case they were working on, and pushed Edward to the back of my mind. By the time I made it back to my office, I had a mountain of phone messages to return. As I started to go through the pile, Lauren paged me that Renee was on the phone.

With a heavy sigh, I answered the phone. "Isabella Swan."

"Isabella? It's your mother."

"Yes, Mother, how can I help you?"

"You need to pick me up today."

"Pick you up from where?" I asked warily.

"Dr. Strager's. I've had several _procedures _done today and I'm in no condition to drive."

_Procedures._ That meant more Botox injections, useless cosmetic procedures, and God knows what else. I wanted to shake her. "Why can't Eli take you home?"

"They won't release me to a non-family member, you know that. I assured them that Eleazar was perfectly capable of driving me home, but they won't allow it. It's ridiculous. Really, Isabella, is it asking too much for you to pick up your mother and drive her home after having surgery?"

Leave it to Renee to play the guilt card at any and all moments. Never mind what I had to do today or any thought of courtesy. No, I needed to drop what I was doing and go pick her up.

"What time?"

"Four-thirty, and don't be late. You know how I _hate_ to wait." The tone in her voice was beginning to make my head hurt.

"Four-thirty? I wasn't even planning to leave today until seven. Are you sure there is no one else who can come?" I asked. I really didn't have time to just waste away my day running errands for Renee.

"Isabella, it's not as if the office will stop if you're not there. Your father is out of town and I need you."

"Fine, I'll be there." Resigned to the fact that my day had just been completely rearranged, I hung up without saying goodbye. I'd get an earful about it later, but I didn't have the energy to put up with her any longer. Sometimes I wondered why I bothered taking her calls other than the fact that she was my mother. Had it not been for wanting to make my father happy, I probably wouldn't have put up with most of the requests Renee asked of me.

I busied myself in my work for the rest of the day, scrambling to get as much done as possible. But my to-do list continued to grow and by the time I had to leave, I knew I would have to come back to work for at least several hours.

Once I was sitting outside Dr. Strager's building, I took a moment to steady myself. I hated that Renee had called me. I didn't have the energy to deal with her at the moment. She was tiring and often left me feeling completely in knots.

Renee and I hadn't always had such a strained relationship. In fact, growing up, I admired her like any daughter would their mother. She was warm and caring, and she and my father seemed to have the perfect relationship. But as I grew older, I started to see through my rose-colored glasses. She loved my father, but she loved herself more. It became apparent through the years just how shallow and self-centered she truly was. She loved the idea of being the perfect family who had it all together.

She constantly preached to me how, one day, I would get married, have a family, and be the perfect housewife. To Renee, that was life. Women belonged at home, not at work. She taught me to have a voice and how to use it, but only through poor example. She felt the need to assert her status in every situation and if you didn't recognize, it your neck was on the line.

By the time I hit high school, she and I had grown so distant from each other we hardly talked. Of course, I was still expected to play "perfect," and thus go to every charity function, benefit dinner, and any other thing where we had to be seen. But other than for appearance's sake, that was where it ended.

The thing about my mother, was that though she was a lovely woman, she constantly was seeking other's approval. Rather than just be content with the material things we had-which was far more than most-she wanted everyone to know all about it.

When Riley and I got together, she was ecstatic. She saw Riley not for the amazing man he was but for the wealth and status his family brought with him. Riley came from a well-off family that was well-connected in social and political circles. To Renee, the Biers' were just one more connection to being in the in-crowd she loved so much. She welcomed Riley to our family as "acceptable" and immediately inserted herself into his at any point possible. He had always told me not to worry about it, as he was dating me and not my mother, but I know he didn't care for her much. He tolerated her at best.

I was able to confide in him about the stress and pressures that Renee was constantly inflicting on me and he was always there to help me deal with it. She expected me to be someone, make something of myself in social circles in order to gain her approval. Though I placated her, at least he was always there to be with me.

When Riley and I broke up, Renee could never understand the choice I made. She couldn't accept the idea of loving someone enough to do what I did. She saw it as a mistake, that I blew my only chance at true happiness. To this day, she's made it her job in life to constantly remind me how much of a failure I am. I was never good enough without him—a comment not lost on me—and it ripped my heart open each time she brought it up. She just couldn't understand that there was something more to my decision.

I walked inside and checked in at the reception desk. The incredibly enhanced blonde at the desk made a face at me; I assumed it was an attempted smile.

"Miss Swan, your mother is just about ready. We'll bring her out in a moment."

Trying not to laugh, I replied, "Thank you."

"Here is all of the discharge paperwork, don't hesitate to call if you have any questions."

I took a seat and closed my eyes, leaning my head against the wall. I was so tired. When was the last time I had really slept well? Not since Riley's call and before that: the night I spent at Edward's. Thinking about the entire situation made me feel all twisted up. It was wrong to be thinking of Edward while still having feelings for Riley.

I liked Edward, genuinely liked him, but he wasn't going to take Riley's place in my heart. Besides, from the tone of his voice when I had called earlier, he was irritated with me. I wasn't even really sure why I had called him. I didn't blame him for being annoyed. I'd been acting almost bi-polar. One face for work—cool, calm, controlled—another for everyone else, and a third for when I was alone. That was the one that was shattering. I hardly knew who I was anymore.

There was a part of me that liked the way I felt with Edward. Not just the passion and the need, but he helped me relax, lift the burden of my thoughts. There was something about him that just made me feel lighter. Still, the way I'd been treating Edward wasn't at all fair to him.

"Are you sleeping, Isabella?"

I opened my eyes to see Renee sitting in a wheelchair. She hated them, but the surgeon's office required patients to be wheeled to the door if they'd had any sort of procedure involving anesthetics.

"No, just thinking, Mother. Are you ready to go?"

"I've been ready," she said testily.

She was being pushed by a pretty, young woman in scrubs. I stood up and thanked the woman before wheeling Renee outside and helping her into my car. She spent the ride home chatting excitedly about the newest innovations in plastic surgery and I gritted my teeth to stop the words I really wanted to say to her. I was so angry that she did this to herself, over and over again. But a conversation about that was better than a lecture about my life.

We pulled up to my parent's house in the Pacific Heights neighborhood. I looked it over carefully. I always loved the great view it had of the Bay. It was a five-bedroom house, more than the three of us had ever really needed, but I loved it. There was a large, beautifully landscaped garden out front and it had exceptionally tall ceilings and large windows. It was an open floor plan and decorated with light colors and gorgeous pieces of art. I had been happy growing up there.

Unfortunately, the reprieve from my mother's nagging lasted only until I had her in the house with Carmen fussing over her. Thank God for Carmen; I didn't know how I would have made it without her. She was Eleazar's wife and she had been a housekeeper for my parents as long as he had been their driver. I had always adored her growing up, and she had looked after me with a motherly concern. She was in her mid-sixties and she was still a beautiful older woman. She was probably at least ten years older than Renee, and her life had been far less pampered, but she had an inner calmness that I had grown to love over the years. Her thick, dark hair was streaked with white and her face heavily lined with wrinkles, but there was a serenity that my mother would never have.

Once Carmen had her settled into her bed and had her painkillers in hand, I excused myself.

"I think I'm going to head out if you're all set, Mother."

"Just a moment, Isabella. I wanted to talk to you about something."

"All right." Taking a deep breath, I warily took a seat on a chair by the bed.

"Isabella, I can't sit by and watch you throw your life away without saying something," Renee said. "Riley was your future, and you are going to regret pushing him away."

"I didn't push him away, Mother," I said with a tired sigh. "It was a hard decision. But I'm needed at the firm and Riley wants a future in politics. He has a great future in D.C.; I couldn't hold him back."

"Isabella, that's nonsense. Riley was successful, wealthy, connected, and _perfect_. All you had to do marry the boy and you would have been set. You don't need to work or prove yourself. You needed to take care of him. You're selfish for having pushed him away. You should be begging that man to take you back, not spend your days holed up in that office for hours on end."

"I don't want to leave the firm, I love it there."

"More than you love Riley, apparently." I closed my eyes for a moment, hurt by her words. "That's not fair," I said tightly.

"What about a family, Isabella? Don't you want to settle down and have a family?"

"Of course I do. But I'm not going to quit my job to become a stay at home mother and political wife. I have obligations here. I have a life here."

"Yes, I can see that. Some life it is, wouldn't you say? When you come to your senses, you will realize that you gave up on your best chance for a successful marriage. His family one of the most prestigious in the area."

"His family has nothing to do with it. I loved his family. But that has no bearing on our situation."

"You just need to face facts; you're not getting any younger and Riley was your only real chance for happiness."

I swallowed hard to fight back the tears. Her words hit just a little too close to home.

"I love you, Mother, but I can't do this right now. I have work to do." I stormed out of the house and didn't look back.

Upset, I made my way home instead of to work. I couldn't handle the thought of facing the people still in the office. Thankfully, I had brought home a portion of my work, so I could still get things done. It took me a while to pull myself together, but eventually I was able to shove my mother's painful words out of my mind and focus on my work.

I was good at it. I'd been doing it for years.

* * *

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	13. Chapter 12: Unsettled

Guess what, it's Thursday! The song for this chapter is "Ooh Child" by Beth Orton youtu*be/j0tYkk_B-Cg and here is the pic tease: i49*tinypic*com/qod6wy*jpg

Shout out to AshesAshes for recommending, "Help, I'm Alive" by Metric and terrabella for suggesting "Give Me Love" by Ed Sheeran for Chapter Eleven. We loved both of your suggestions!

Disclaimer: _All publicly recognizable characters, settings, etc. are the property of their respective owners. The original characters and plot are the property of the author. The author is in no way associated with the owners, creators, or producers of any media franchise. No copyright infringement is intended._

Big thanks to our incredible team of betas: karenec, LJ Summers, and jakeward. You ladies rock our socks!

* * *

**Chapter Twelve: Unsettled**

"Miss Swan, one of your _men_ is here."

I closed my eyes, not sure if I was amused or irritated.

"Thank you, Jacob; I'll be right down."

I gathered my purse and wrap, and took a moment to look at myself in the mirror before I headed downstairs. I was tired of the structured, office-appropriate clothing I'd been wearing. I had paired a soft yellow dress with white cork-heeded wedges. It was casual enough for the park, but not inappropriate for mingling with people I worked with. I dabbed a little bit of gloss onto my lips and shook out my curls, letting them hang loose.

Edward was waiting for me in the lobby and greeted me with a kiss on the cheek.

"You look beautiful."

"Thank you. You look nice, as well."

"My car is out front; are you ready to head out?"

"Yes."

His hand came to rest on my lower back as he pushed the door open for me and there was a gleaming black Lexus SUV waiting out front. He unlocked it and helped me inside.

"Hmm, I wouldn't have guessed you drove an SUV," I commented.

He chuckled. "I like having the space to transport artwork when I need to. And it's a hybrid so the gas mileage is better."

"That makes sense." I nodded and buckled my seatbelt.

Edward smoothly pulled out onto the street. He was a controlled, fast driver and we found ourselves at Stow Lake Park with ten minutes to spare.

"This is a nice area," he commented.

"Yeah, it is. This one of Charlie's favorite events. His assistant does a fantastic job organizing it every year."

"Why do you call your dad Charlie?" he asked.

"Oh, I guess I got in the habit at the office. Everyone else called him Charles or Mr. Swan and it just stuck in my head. Trust me; I don't call him that to his face."

He laughed. "I'll keep that in mind."

"Oh, _you_ could call him Charlie. He'd just have a coronary if I tried it."

"I think I'll stick with Mr. Swan."

I started to get out of the car but he stopped me. "Let me get your door."

He quickly got out and jogged around to open my door for me.

"Thank you," I said when I took his hand to step out of the car. I let my fingers slip from his once I was standing.

"Call me old-fashioned." He shrugged.

"I hope you don't mind, but we're actually early. The barbecue doesn't officially begin until three-thirty. I wanted to get here early to make sure everything was set up and ready to go."

"No, that's fine."

With a sinking feeling, I realized something that I hadn't even considered that before. "Well, it means you have to meet my parents."

"I'm not concerned." He grinned at me and truly didn't look concerned. I eyed him skeptically. I wondered if he'd change his mind after he met Renee.

The picnic area was a teeming mass of activity, with caterers running around, Renee barking orders, and Charlie casually supervising. I passed Bree, who looked a little flushed and frantic, but she waved at me and did a bit of a double-take at seeing Edward.

I made my way over to Charlie first and he welcomed me with a hug. "Aww, there she is. You look great today, Bella."

"Thanks. I feel good," I admitted.

"It's about time." He turned expectantly to Edward and I introduced them.

"Dad, I'd like you to meet Edward Cullen." I turned to look at Edward. "Edward, this is my father, Charlie Swan."

"Nice to meet you, sir," Edward said politely and they shook hands.

"Nice to meet you, too. So . . . how did you two meet?"

I blanched. I hadn't even thought about the fact that a question like that would come up. I scrambled to come up with something to say, but words failed me. Telling him we met at a bar was one thing, but the fact that I'd brought him home with me was quite another. There were just some things I didn't want my father to know.

Edward quickly came to my rescue. "Oh, we were both out one night and met through a mutual friend. I never managed to get her number though, so I was glad when I saw her at the museum."

"Edward is a curator at the Museum of Modern Art here in San Francisco," I added, grateful that he had been able to come up with an honest answer that sounded completely innocent. "He was giving a lecture for a Special Exhibition I was interested in. I got the tickets through the office."

"Oh that's right, we make a donation to them every year, don't we?"

"Yes."

"I'm sorry, Edward," Charlie said. "But modern art just doesn't do it for me."

Edward chuckled softly. "That's what Bella tells me. Art is a very personal thing and I appreciate your honesty. Besides, there's plenty of modern art that isn't my taste either. I know how important Andy Warhol was to the movement, but you'll never find me spending any time with his pieces."

"That's the soup can guy, right?"

I giggled. "Yes, Dad, he's the soup can guy."

"Do you enjoy your work, Edward?"

"I do. Very much, actually. The idea that someone actually pays me to spend all day in a museum, and getting to put together shows is still kind of amazing to me."

Charlie nodded approvingly. "All right, your mother seems to have worked herself into a tizzy, Bella. Let me go rescue the caterer. You two enjoy yourselves and we will speak later. It was nice to meet you, Edward."

"Nice to meet you, too, Mr. Swan."

"Charlie, please."

"Charlie," Edward acknowledged.

"Are you sure you don't need any help, Dad?"

"No, go for a walk, enjoy the weather. You can introduce Edward to your mother . . . _after_ she's calmed down."

I bit my lip to keep from laughing and turned to Edward.

"You up for a walk?"

"Absolutely."

Edward reached for my hand and I turned away so our hands merely brushed across each other. He didn't comment, instead, we started to stroll down toward the lake in silence.

"I don't think I've ever been to this part of the park before," he commented.

"Really? I love it. We've always had the company picnic here, so I've been coming since I was a child."

We stopped when we reached the water's edge and Edward turned to me. "Thank you for inviting me."

"I'm glad I did," I said honestly. "I am sorry about the other night. I should have at least left you a note."

"Yes, well, I'd like to say it was completely unexpected, but that wouldn't be the truth. I'm not going to pry and ask what you're dealing with, but please, if you ever need to just talk, I'll be here to listen."

I turned away from him and faced the lake, blinking back tears at his words. "I don't know why on earth you're still interested in me." I laughed, although it was a nervous response rather than genuine amusement. His hand softly stroked down my back from the top of my dress to my waist.

"You're not like anyone else I've ever met. I find you intriguing."

"I can't imagine why; I know you can see what a mess I am," I commented.

He opened his mouth to say something when we were interrupted by Bree calling down the hill.

"Bella, Mrs. Swan asked me to tell you that people are starting to arrive."

"I'll be right there," I called back. I turned to Edward and apologized. "I'm sorry, I need to go." I was uncomfortable with the turn the conversation had taken, and was grateful for the interruption.

"Don't apologize. This is a work event, even if it is casual. I'm just here to be your arm candy."

I grinned. "I've seen worse."

He beamed back, his eyes crinkling at the corners. I hesitated for a moment, collecting myself before I turned and walked up the hill; Edward fell into step beside me. The guests had begun to arrive and although I had never doubted it, everything was in place and ready for them. The caterers had set up a long table filled with food, and there was someone manning the grill. There were children's games set up on the lawn and everyone seemed to be laughing and having a good time. I waited until most of the people had taken food, casually greeting people I knew. Finally, Edward and I made our way over to the food tables so we could get our own.

"Everything looks delicious," he said.

"It always is. The same company has been catering for us for twenty years, and we love it."

We filled our plates and looked around for an empty seat. There were several at the table where Bree and a couple of paralegals were sitting, and we made our way over.

I introduced Edward and it didn't take long before everyone was talking animatedly while they ate. I watched him, noticing the way he charmed everyone around him and easily blended in with the conversations. He put them at ease and was friendly without being pushy. _"He is so easy to like,"_ I thought.

After we ate, Edward and I made our way around the party attempting to avoid my parents table.

"Oh, Isabella," Renee called when she saw us. "I thought you had run off with the young man who's been following you around. And here he is I see." She gave me a reproachful look. "Do introduce us."

"Mother, this is Edward. Edward, my mother, Mrs. Renee Swan."

"It's very nice to meet you, Mrs. Swan," he said sincerely. "I can see where Bella got her stunning looks from."

"Hmm." She pursed her lips, regarding Edward coolly. "And what is it exactly that you do for a living?"

"I'm a curator at the Museum of Modern Art."

"Well, isn't that nice," she said dismissively.

"I enjoy it very much."

He did his best to charm her, but she didn't seem to warm up to him, to my surprise. I wondered what her problem with him was. His job was certainly nothing to sneer at, and he was the perfect image of a successful, well put-together man. There was really nothing to dislike about him that I could see. He was attractive, well spoken, intelligent, and interesting to talk to. I realized with surprise that I was irritated by the fact that she was being somewhat frosty with him. Her voice broke through my thoughts.

"Isabella, have you heard from _Riley _lately?"

My eyes snapped to hers and I swallowed hard; this wasn't the time, nor the place to get into things with my mother and she knew it. "He called last weekend and we played phone tag for a few days. I spoke to him a few days ago."

"You really shouldn't have let him get away. He would have made for a wonderful son-in-law." She sighed dramatically.

I suppressed the urge to roll my eyes. "Well, I think Edward and I are going to go for a walk now. We'll see you later before we leave, Mother."

"Isabella, you really should mingle with the guests."

"Oh let her enjoy herself, Renee," Charlie scolded as he approached us. "I will see you later, kid."

"Bye, Dad." I hugged him and Edward held out his arm for me to take. Without looking back, I took it and once again, we made our way down to the lake.

We walked in silence for a while until we reached the boat rental place. It was teeming with people, some of whom were Swan and Volturi employees.

"We should take a paddle boat ride," Edward suggested.

"I've never done that, actually," I admitted.

"Really? It's fun, come on." Edward reached for his wallet and I brushed him off.

"It's on me. Well, the company, but you don't have to pay. We rent out the boats for the entire day as a part of the event; our employees just have to present their ID and it's taken care of."

"All right."

We waited in line and when we reached the front, I dug through my bag to find my work ID. We listened to the attendant's instructions and Edward helped me into the boat. I carefully sat down, afraid I was going to flash him if a gust of wind caught the hem of my skirt. He smirked at me and began to paddle, expertly steering us away from the dock and I scrambled to get my feet on the pedals to help, all the while trying to keep my dress from flying up.

"Maybe this wasn't the best idea," I said breathlessly once we'd reached the open water of the lake and another gust of wind caught my skirt.

"I don't have any complaints." His eyes lingered on my bare legs. "Besides, it's not like you haven't flashed me before."

"What?"

"I wondered if it was intentional."

"What are you talking about?"

"That hot little dress you had on the night we met. You didn't have anything on underneath. And when you sat down on the couch and tucked your legs up, well let's just say I could tell."

I closed my eyes, mortified. "No, I definitely did not realize that."

"Why do you think I wanted your feet on my lap?"

"You didn't," I protested.

He laughed. "Only when you sat down and then again when you almost fell off the couch. The angle wasn't right when I was giving you the foot massage."

I shook my head. "You're terrible."

Edward smirked and cracked a lopsided grin. "I think you like it," he said confidently.

I finally managed to get my skirt tucked down and I laid my hands on top of my thighs to keep the wind from catching it again.

I ignored him and changed the subject. "I want to apologize about earlier."

"For what?"

"My mother was rather rude to you."

"I suppose." He shrugged. "Your father seems like a nice man."

"He is," I said.

"He seems like a great boss, too. Everyone I've met today genuinely seems to enjoy working for him."

"Absolutely. But I'm kind of a daddy's girl, so maybe I'm biased."

"Mind if I ask you something?" Edward asked and paused to wait for my reply. I eyed him cautiously but conceded with a nod, encouraging him to ask his question. "Who's Riley?"

I turned away from him to stare out at the island in the middle of the lake. "He's my . . . ex. We dated for twelve years and he moved away about seven months ago. . . . Let's just say my mother disagrees with some of the decisions I've made with my life."

"All right." He took my hand and squeezed it gently. He didn't push for more, and I was grateful.

The sun was warm on my bare skin, and I felt the heat sink into my bones. I exhaled deeply, feeling like I had been holding my breath for weeks, maybe months. When was the last time I had truly relaxed and just enjoyed myself? I remembered laughing with Edward at the café, and then later that night in his apartment. Heated hands on my bare skin, his lips on my throat, the scent of the skin on his stomach as I made my way down his body. He had made me forget myself and feel like I could almost completely let go. I relaxed back against the seat and Edward smiled at me before steering us gently around curve of Strawberry Hill Island.

He turned to look at me and I took a long moment to observe him. I had tried so hard to not really think about how attractive he was since I'd first met him that night at the bar., but he really was.

It was interesting to see him in more casual clothing. It made his shoulders look broader and his legs longer. He was leaner than Riley and more angular. Football had bulked Riley up, and he had stayed fit throughout college and after. I had loved to kiss along the six pack on his stomach. The two men were about the same height. Riley was 6'3" and I thought Edward was probably just a fraction shorter. At work, my height of 5'3" was sometimes a disadvantage, but I had always liked it when I was with Riley. I felt safe in his arms, secure. Still, Edward's lean, toned body was hardly something to sneer at.

I had been right that Edward's hair was redder than it initially appeared. The boat drifted from the shade into a patch of sunlight and his hair lit up, almost a fiery red. His eyes were a grey blue, with dark rings around the outside of the iris.

We continued to make our way around the island, heading south until we reached the Roman bridge, then paddled under it and around to the east side. It was cooler there, the trees casting long shadows on the water as the sun sank behind the hill on the island.

I watched the ducks on the water, lazily floating in the gentle current the wind stirred up. This side of the island was quieter and there wasn't a single other person in sight, although I could hear murmured conversation. Up ahead, I could see the rustic stone bridge that connected the north shore to the island.

"I'm glad you came today," I said, really enjoying Edward's company.

He looked over at me and the corners of his mouth lifted into a small smile. "I am, too. I was surprised you called me though."

"I think I surprised myself," I admitted. When I was with Riley, I knew exactly who I was and where my life was headed. Since he left, I'd been floundering, reacting to things that came up, rather than making decisions based on _our_ plan. For the first time since I was a teenager, I was living on my own with no one else to consider. I hardly felt like I knew myself.

I took a deep breath and exhaled slowly. "Edward, I really am sorry about the other night." It had been instinct to run the moment I saw Riley's name on my phone. The guilt was crippling. But in the bright light of day I realized how awful I had been to Edward. He had treated me far better than I deserved and I repaid him by running away.

He nodded. "I know you are. Can you just promise me one thing?"

"What is it?"

"Next time, if you need to go, or need me to leave, just tell me."

I nodded before I realized what I was agreeing to. "You're awfully sure there will be a next time."

He smirked at me, seemingly light-hearted. "I know you can't stay away from me."

"I don't know about that." I narrowed my eyes at him playfully.

He moved his hand from the lever that controlled the rudder of the boat to my thigh. The heat passed through the thin fabric of my dress and warmed my skin.

"Can I kiss you?" he asked suddenly. Stupefied by the warm summer air and the relaxed, easy atmosphere of the day, I nodded. We both stopped paddling and the boat continued to drift.

He leaned over and his fingers wrapped around the back of my neck. He drew me close, but didn't touch my lips. Instead, his eyes stared into mine. When he kissed me, it was just a brief brush of his lips against mine, but it was enough to make me remember the way he felt over me, when he was moving deep inside me. I felt my skin flush at the memory and I sighed against his lips. I sat back and looked at him, noting the needy look in his eyes.

The sound of a child laughing with delight across the lake took me from my thoughts back to the barbecue a year prior.

_Riley had spent the time after dinner playing with the small army of children. They had discovered that he was really good at playing catch and despite the fact that he had been playing for nearly an hour they had begged him to continue._

"_I'm tired," he groaned._

"_Please, please, please, Riley," they begged. Instead of throwing the ball, he grabbed one of the little girls, threw her up in the air, and caught her. She squealed in delight and it wasn't long before they were all clambering for a turn. He indulged them and by the time he had finished giving each one a turn, he was exhausted. He collapsed on the ground and I laughed, sitting on the grass beside him._

_The quick, chaste kiss I gave him was enough to chase the children off, shrieking in disgust, and he held out an arm to me. I glanced around, not wanting to be too affectionate in front of everyone we worked with. Most of the parents were rounding their children up to leave and heading out, paying absolutely no attention to us. I lay down on the grass beside him and put my head on his shoulder. It was just beginning to grow dark and the air was starting to cool, the smell of the salty ocean fog starting to roll in. I knew it wouldn't be long before we would head home, too, but I wanted to enjoy the moment._

"_How soon?" he asked. I didn't have to ask him what he was referring to. Seeing him with the children made me ache to have his. He would be an incredible father. We had talked a lot about it, knowing how important our careers were to both of us, but we were both eager to begin our family._

"_A few years at the most."_

"_What do you think of a wedding next summer?"_

_I turned to him in surprise. "You think so? It's not too soon?"_

"_I know I don't want to wait much longer, Bella."_

"_Me either."_

_He kissed me sweetly. "I know we have a plan for our careers, but nothing is ever set in stone. And I don't want to miss anything with you. I want you to be my wife and I want you to be the mother of my children. You're everything to me, Bella."_

_My eyes filled up with tears and I brushed my lips over his before I spoke. "I love you so much, Riley. If you ask me-no _when_ you ask me, I'll say yes. Whether it's tomorrow or a year from now, I'll always say yes."_

"Bella, are you all right?" My eyes focused again to see Edward staring at me, a look of concern on his face. I dug my fingernails into my palm to keep from falling apart. I felt brittle and fragile and when Edward moved to push my hair from my face, I flinched, afraid that if he touched me, I'd break down. He let his hand fall into his lap and sat back in his seat.

"I'm fine." My voice sounded strained and hoarse.

"Would you like to go back?"

"Please."

We finished the boat ride in silence, and I couldn't meet Edward's worried gaze. Instead, I stared blankly at the scenery around me, not really seeing a thing. I fought to keep my rigid control in place and by the time we reached the shore, I could feel my anxiety taking over. I had to make it home without breaking down. While Edward returned the boat, I paced back and forth along the water's edge trying to calm myself.

"I'd like to go home now, please." I could hear the struggle in my voice, though there was nothing I could do to stop it. Edward's sympathetic gaze-while comforting-only made my heart ache worse.

"Of course," Edward replied.

I said goodbye to my parents, and although Charlie gave me a concerned look, he didn't ask me what was wrong; Renee simply brushed it off as usual. I tried to make conversation on the ride home, but it was stilted and awkward. When Edward pulled up in front of my building, I couldn't get out of the car fast enough. Though Edward came around to open the car door for me again, I was halfway to the door before he could stop me. I heard him call out behind me, but I didn't look back. I made it to the entrance of my building and stopped, realizing how callous I was being. I turned to find him leaning against the car, hands at his sides, and a disappointed expression on his face. I walked back to him, pushing everything inside me down for just a moment longer. He looked up hopefully.

"Would you like me to walk you up?" he asked.

"No, thank you."

He nodded, as if expecting that answer.

"Thank you for coming today, Edward," I added. "I appreciate it. I had a nice time with you," I said honestly. Before the painful memory of Riley, I had been enjoying myself.

"I did, too."

We both stood there for a moment, staring at each other. Impulsively, I leaned forward and kissed his cheek.

"Have a good night," I said softly.

"You, too. Take care." His words sounded horribly final and I was surprised to find that it bothered me so much. It was too much on top of an already emotionally overwhelming day. I turned quickly, blinking back the tears that threatened to spill over and made my way into the lobby, past Seth, who was staffing the desk.

I made it up to my apartment and into the shower before I completely broke down. I slid to the floor and cried under the warm water for what felt like hours. I wrapped my arms around myself feeling as though my heart was being ripped from my chest all over again.

I could have been engaged and possibly married to Riley by now. We could be taking our honeymoon and planning when we wanted to start trying for children. Instead, I was alone- completely alone. I'd been on countless dates I wasn't even sure I'd enjoyed. I'd been fucking guys I wasn't sure I liked. I was nearing thirty without a husband, or a boyfriend or anything but a career, which was turning me into a bitter workaholic who resented the job she used to love. The pain engulfed me and left me gasping. I pounded my fist weakly against the cold tile floor, angry and despondent.

An unwanted memory of worried blue-grey eyes with dark lashes assaulted me. Edward. Edward had been so kind to me. I'm sure he had questions for me, though he never once prodded me when he sensed things were strained. He simply gave me my space and accepted the things I wasn't willing to talk about. He said he was intrigued by me, but I still didn't understand why he was so tolerant of my vicious mood swings. One minute, I was kissing him and wondering if I should have him in my bed, and the next I was reliving one of the most precious and painful memories that I had spent with another man. I must seem completely unstable to him.

My sobs quieted to hiccupping gasps and I relaxed, letting my legs slide out in front of me. I laid my head back against the shower wall, and inhaled and exhaled slowly. _"Why do I even care what Edward thinks of me?"_ I wondered. I never had to see him again. He could become just like all of the others. Except, there was a part of me that recognized—and didn't want to admit-that Edward wasn't like the guys before him. Any of the other guys would have left after my first breakdown, much less the second or third. For some reason, Edward was different.

With a strange, unsettled feeling, I crawled to my feet, and out of the shower, suddenly wondering what exactly I wanted from Edward Cullen.

* * *

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	14. Chapter 13: Reminiscing

Happy Halloween or rather belated Halloween! Hope you all had a happy and safe night and are now coming down from the sugar high. Also, our thoughts and prayers are with those of you who are in the wake of Hurricane Sandy right now.

The song for this chapter is "Breathe" by Depeche Mode youtu*be/BOrnC3LQeLs and since you'll enjoyed Mamma Swan so much, here is some inspiration i49*tinypic*com/2mc7jn7*jpg

Disclaimer: _All publicly recognizable characters, settings, etc. are the property of their respective owners. The original characters and plot are the property of the author. The author is in no way associated with the owners, creators, or producers of any media franchise. No copyright infringement is intended._

karenec, LJ Summers, and jakeward are our fantastic beta's. Thank you for all you do. You ladies rock our socks!

* * *

**Chapter Thirteen: Reminiscing**

After my breakdown in the shower, I dried off and wrapped myself in my warmest pair of pajamas. There was a cold, aching loneliness I couldn't seem to shake. I felt like I would never warm up. I crawled into bed, and picked up the journal I had left on my nightstand. In some ways, reading my journals made it harder to be away from Riley, they were also comforting. And despite the fact that I couldn't read them without crying, they were the only way I could still hold him close to me. The phone call from Riley had interrupted my reading the other day and I opened the journal to where I had tucked the ribbon bookmark.

There were endless entries detailing frustrations with class and the lack of time Riley and I had for each other, but I stopped when I reached February of my freshman year of college.

_February 16, 2001_

_Riley is amazing. He planned a weekend away for us to celebrate Valentine's Day. We had a long, serious talk too. Not the scary "we might break up" kind of talk. But we talked about our future. He got all serious and told me he wants to marry me one day. We've talked about it kind of obliquely in the past, but he'd never actually said the words before. We want to get our lives in order before we get married. There are already so many pressures in our lives with school. For right now, we're content with the way things are. It will happen one day, so the timing doesn't really matter. We have each other now, and that's what matters._

_March 28, 2001_

_I'm pissed at Riley. I've been studying like crazy, and it's been almost two weeks since we've been able to be alone together. Chris was going to be gone for the weekend so we were supposed to spend Friday night at his dorm room-just the two of us. But when I got there, Brandon and Eric were there watching basketball. I was so angry that when I walked in the door and saw them there, I just turned around and walked away. Riley didn't even follow me. I went back to my dorm and shut off my phone. I know I probably overreacting, but it hurt. And I wanted some time alone with him so badly. It was just about all that got me through the week, and to find out that he didn't even care... it hurts. I think I've gone through half a box of Kleenex crying. Ugh. I should just go to sleep. Maybe everything will make more sense in the morning._

_March 29, 2001_

_All right, I feel kind of bad now. I woke up around two a.m. to Riley pounding on my door. He begged me to come back to his room to talk, and he looked so frantic, I couldn't say no. Apparently, he didn't see me show up at his dorm and hadn't actually forgotten, so I can't really be that pissed. I think we both overreacted to a silly miscommunication. It was weird, it's the first real fight we've had. And it probably won't be the last. But I guess all things considered, it's not so bad. At least we know we can fight and make up. _

_May 8, 2011_

_The summer should be good. There are two summer sections for classes and I'm just taking a single class per section, and then working a few hours a week at some law office. Unfortunately, it's not the same one Riley is at. He's going back to the one he worked for last year and interning again. They didn't have any openings for me, but Charlie set me up with someone he knows. It's pretty awesome. It's only twenty hours a week, and really all I'll be doing is filing and running to get coffee for people. But I'm excited, and it's one more thing to put on my resume. I have this mental checklist for my life and I just keep ticking off things. Every check mark gets me closer to my real goals. A job at Swan and Volturi, marrying Riley, and having a family with him. _

I continued to skim through the journal, knowing that most of it was the same thing. My frustration with never having enough time with Riley, pressures from my course load, and how much I loved him. There were a few more fights, too. Nothing serious, just minor frustrations we had taken out on each other. Frustrations with my mother, too, as we grew further apart.

_June 9, 2001_

_I went home yesterday to visit my parents. It had been months since I'd been home and I was shocked when I saw my mother. I'm still trying to wrap my mind around all of the surgery she's had. We talked for a long time and I feel like the more years go by, the further and further she and I are. I feel like I don't even know her anymore._

I reached the end of that journal and began the next one. I skimmed through most of it. My final year of college was mostly furious preparation for the LSATS, applications to grad school, and a mountain of course work that had me frequently in tears.

_March 30, 2003_

_Riley and I both got in to Georgetown. Holy shit, I am so excited. I can't even believe it. It's such an amazing school. I love California, but it'll be nice to explore a little more of the country. The best part about going to Georgetown is that Riley and I will be there together. I'm waiting to tell my parents, but we're going to move in together. God, I am so excited. I hate sleeping apart from him. And even though we were usually together at either his place or mine, it's not the same. This is kind of a huge commitment, and I have been looking forward to it for so long._

_July 12, 2003_

_Mother is very, very angry that Riley and I are moving in together when we leave for Georgetown. Dad is fine with it. He's always fine with anything, if it makes me happy. It's not like I go around making rash decisions, so he knows that if I choose something, it's because it's important to me. He told me he'd try to help soften her up to the idea. It's not like she'll stop him from paying for my tuition and apartment, so what is she going to do? Yell a lot? That's nothing new._

_Sometimes I feel like nothing is ever good enough. I'll never be perfect enough, never live up to the ideals she has for me. And Dad, he's just proud of who I am. I'm in one of the top law schools in the country, I'm in a happy, committed relationship with someone she adores, what more could she want from me? I feel horrible saying this, but sometimes I wonder if she's jealous of me in some way. For being independent. I know she never made a decision in her life without consulting her own mother. But I'm not that person. If I were to go to anyone, it would be Dad. We're so close, and maybe she's jealous of that, too. I spent more time with him than I do her. I don't know. _

_She says moving in with Riley looks bad, and that we should get married first. I want to marry Riley, but we're both trying to get our lives in order first. But according to her it doesn't project the right image. Is it so wrong to want to make a mature, adult decision about our careers? _

_I think what frustrates me the most, is her idea that I should be the one to give up my career for him. My mother seems to think that the minute we get married and have children I'll quit anyway. I want to be a mother, I really do, but why is it so hard for her to understand that I want a career, too? I know it won't be easy finding the right balance, and law isn't exactly the easiest field to try to juggle a family with, but doesn't she have any faith in me? I just keep reminding myself that Riley is supportive and he's just as committed as I am. We've had the serious discussions about having children. He wants them, too, but he doesn't expect me to give up the rest of who I am just to make that happen. He's willing to make some sacrifices, and I really think we can do it. _

Before I knew it, it was three a.m. and I found myself nodding off. With a yawn, I set the journal aside and turned out the light, thoughts of Riley still running through my mind. The morning would come too early, and I knew I would be exhausted the following day.

**~LTOYL~**

Monday morning began badly. I was exhausted, having hardly slept at all the night before, and although I'd finally dozed fitfully for an hour or two, it wasn't restful. I had been too tired even to run, and that was never a good sign.

Dressing in my usual work attire, I managed to straighten my hair and pin it up but when I sat down to apply my makeup I stared at myself blankly in the mirror. My eyes were red and irritated from lack of sleep and I looked worn down. Reaching for a bottle of eye drops, I used a few hoping they would make my eyes feel less gritty and reduce the redness. I smoothed on moisturizer, noticing every little imperfection in my skin and the tiny wrinkles that had begun to form around my eyes. I watched myself yawn in the mirror and knew I'd have to struggle to even make it through the day.

Once I'd put on enough makeup to hide my dark circles and give my face a little color, I dragged myself through the rest of my morning routine. I pulled my bed together and half-heartedly tidied my room. Deciding that I lacked the usual energy to walk to work, I drove instead. I hadn't taken time off since the week Riley left, but by the time I made it in to the office, I was wishing I'd called in sick. I sat in my car in the parking garage of the office building I worked in, trying to muster up the energy to head up to the office. On the way, I stopped at the coffee shop in the building and ordered my usual latte, but with an extra shot of espresso, and sipped it gratefully while I waited for the elevator to get up to my floor. I pushed my way through the crowd of people and just as I reached the elevator doors, the girl heading into the elevator bumped in to me. The lid on the coffee cup came loose and coffee splashed all over me. I drew in my breath sharply at the feel of the hot liquid scorching my skin. The girl apologized and although my first instinct was to snap at her, I bit my tongue and pushed past her without another word.

Struggling to get the lid back on the coffee cup and pull my now sopping-wet shirt away from my tender skin, I made my way into the door of the office. Alec looked up from where he had been leaning over Bree's desk—presumably flirting—and smirked at me.

"You know, you might want to make a little more effort with your appearance, Bella. Image is everything in this business."

I glared at him and Bree hurried around the corner to help me, taking my briefcase out of my hand before I could even protest.

"Aren't you coming in awfully late, too? Maybe you should think about taking some time off, Bella, you're really a mess these days," he added.

"Alec, if you know what's good for you, you will stop talking immediately," I hissed and brushed past him, Bree trotting along behind me. With both hands free, I was finally able to replace the lid; I looked down at my ruined blouse.

"Is there anything I can get you, Bella?" she asked worriedly.

"No. I'll be fine. I have a spare blouse in the office and I think the coffee will wipe right off of the fabric of my suit. I'll just have to send it to the cleaners this week. You didn't have to get my briefcase, by the way."

"Honestly, I was looking for an excuse to get away from Alec. He's so creepy," she whispered to me.

When we were in my office, I pulled the door closed behind me and turned to her. "He hasn't said or done anything inappropriate, has he?"

"No, nothing like that," she reassured me. "He just makes me uncomfortable. It's nothing he says or does... he just gives me the willies."

"Promise you'll tell me if he ever does, all right?"

"Of course." She smiled at me. "And let me know if you need anything else today, okay?"

"I will. Thanks, Bree; you're a lifesaver."

I grabbed the spare blouse I kept on hand in my office and made my way to the restroom. I changed quickly, grateful that it was a single stall restroom with a locking door. I wiped the coffee from my skin and did my best to wipe it from the cream-colored lace of my bra. I was able to clean up the jacket fairly well and, thankfully, the black fabric didn't show the stains. Once I was re-dressed, I smoothed my hair and carried my stained blouse back to my office.

Exhausted and frustrated, I put my head down on my desk, nearly wanting to cry. It wasn't until I heard Lauren's cheap, unbalance heels clicking across the floor that I decided the day was just going to be a complete disaster.

"Bella, I have your messages—" Lauren called out just outside of my door and I held up my finger to stop her. She ignored it of course, and with an annoyed huff she dropped a stack of messages on my desk and left. My phone buzzed in my bag where it was resting on my desk and I sat up and dug out. Irritated, I glanced at the screen and was surprised to see a text message from Riley.

_**How was the BBQ yesterday? **_

I frowned, wondering how Riley even knew about the barbecue. I certainly hadn't mentioned it to him. Had someone told him I had taken a date?

_**Fine. Hated being there without you though. **_

A moment passed and my phone buzzed again. _**They were always so fun. Mom said you seemed to be having a good time though. **_

_**What is that supposed to mean? How would she know? **_

As soon as I sent the text, I regretted it. I knew I was just being overly sensitive and jumping to conclusions. Riley wasn't accusing me of anything; I was the one who felt guilty for taking Edward.

_**You know our mothers discuss everything. I heard about your date. **_

At the sight of his words, I felt my stomach drop. I couldn't reply quick enough so, bewildered and slightly panicked, I called him.

The moment he answered, I spoke. "Hey."

"Hey." His voice sounded strained.

"Are you okay?"

"Yeah, why wouldn't I be?"

"... Are you upset that I took someone to the barbecue yesterday?"

"I'm not upset," he said, then I heard him sigh. "Fine, yes, I'm hurt that someone else was there with you, when it should have been me."

"It should have been you." My tone was soft and I could feel that familiar ache starting to burn in my chest. We had had similar conversations to this before and it always left me feeling the same: missing Riley. "I invited him because I didn't want to go alone."

"Who is he?" Riley was slightly hesitant in his question but his tone was light. I could tell he was choosing his words carefully.

"Just some guy I know. He's a curator at the Museum."

"Are you dating him?"

"What? No! He was just a plus-one," I lied. I immediately felt guilty for lying to Riley; I'd always been honest with him about everything. But how could I explain to Riley what Edward was to me? I didn't understand it myself. I didn't know what Renee and Riley's mom had discussed, but I suddenly felt furious with her.

"Paddle boat rides sound awfully cozy for someone who was just supposed to be a plus-one."

"Paddle boat rides? Jesus, you really had a conversation about that with your mother?"

"Clearly, you wouldn't have told me." He was getting annoyed, I could tell by the tone of his voice.

"There's nothing to tell, Riley. Edward came with me because I didn't want to be there by myself. If you want the truth, he took me around the lake and then I asked him to bring me home. All I could think about was last year, when we were talking about getting married and about how much I wanted you to be here with me." My breath caught in my throat and I tried not to let out a sob.

"Bella, babe, I'm sorry. I just hated the idea of someone else there with you. I want to be the one there with you. If things had gone the way we'd planned, we'd be married and in a few years we'd be bringing a child. It kills me to think of you there with someone else."

His words were a knife to my heart. I wanted all that, too. And yet knew it was no longer even a possibility. I couldn't leave my father's firm in the hands of Alec and watch him destroy all my father and grandfather had worked so hard to build. Riley's career was taking off in Washington D.C. and the thought of trying to make a marriage work and raise a family on opposite coasts was impossible. What kind of life would that be for our children? For us. No, as much as it tore me apart, we had made the right decision.

We had been down this road now so many times now and I didn't have it in me today to relive the past seven months. I couldn't help the venom that snapped with my words. "Do you think I wanted to be there with him instead of you, Riley? He won't ever be you."

"Are you going out with him again?"

"I doubt it," I said. "But honestly, Riley, are you really telling me you've never taken a woman to an event since you've been in D.C.?" It was a conversation we had never had and I really didn't want to get into it—now of all times—but the words just tumbled out.

He expelled a large breath. "Fuck, Bella... I have. But they haven't meant anything to me."

"Well, this was the exact same thing. Why are you interrogating me about this?"

"Because I'm jealous, babe. I hate the idea of any man in your life, in any capacity. I know it's ridiculous but there it is."

"Well, I hate the idea of another woman in yours. I haven't asked if you've dated anyone else, because I can't bear the thought. But I have to be realistic. We're not together anymore."

"I know, baby," he said softly. "And I hate it."

"Me, too."

We sat there in silence for a long time and then he finally spoke. "I shouldn't have said what I did; I wasn't being fair to you."

"Well, I wasn't fair to you either. This situation . . . it's not easy. I think I took some of my frustration at my mother out on you, too."

"I swear I didn't call her or anything—about the barbecue I mean. I knew it was coming up and I had been thinking about it but my mother was the one who brought it up to me. Our mothers had lunch together and they talked about it."

"It didn't _come up_." I sighed. "I could almost guarantee that Renee deliberately invited your mother to lunch so she could tell her I was there with someone. She wanted your mother to tell you. All I can figure out is that she thinks if you're jealous, you'll 'forgive me' and come back."

"Bella, there is nothing to—"

I cut him off before he could speak. "I know, but you know Renee. She just doesn't understand. I really don't want to get into it, Riley. It really doesn't matter. She's not going to change." I just couldn't hear his sweet words and relive the emotions of our goodbye.

"I want to, you know," he said and my heart caught in my throat. "There's nothing more in the world that I want than to be back with you."

I closed my eyes, knowing that although he meant them, they weren't entirely true. There was one thing in the world he wanted more than to be with me. Riley loved me and although I had been the one to push him away, ultimately he _had _chosen his career.

"I know, Riley," I whispered.

Before we could say anything further, I disconnected the call and set my phone on my desk with shaking hands. I lay my head down on my desk and sobbed for a few moments.

Eventually, I pulled myself together and wiped at my face, removing the makeup that had smeared under my eyes. I slipped out of my office and into the restroom, laying cool compresses on my eyes to soothe the red and puffiness around my eyes. I took deep breaths while I waited for the irritation to subside, trying to pull myself together again.

* * *

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	15. Chapter 14: Apology

It's Thursday! So here we are again. Hope you all had a good week. The song for this chapter is "Gold on the Ceiling" by The black Keys youtu*be/6yCIDkFI7ew

If you've ever been to San Francisco, you know the true stars of the city are the sea lions. They are hysterical to watch and will always put on a show. i46*tinypic*com/68vw5d*jpg

Disclaimer: _All publicly recognizable characters, settings, etc. are the property of their respective owners. The original characters and plot are the property of the author. The author is in no way associated with the owners, creators, or producers of any media franchise. No copyright infringement is intended._

Big thanks to our incredible team of betas: karenec, LJ Summers, and jakeward.

* * *

**Chapter Fourteen: Apology**

I spent several days thinking about the conversation Riley and I had over the phone. The more I thought about where we were in our lives, the more confused and lonely it left me feeling. I knew Riley wasn't coming back, but it didn't change the fact that my heart was still with him in D.C.

I wasn't ready to move on, but I wasn't entirely okay with the way things had ended with Edward, either. The way he'd said goodbye to me outside of my building had been so final. I wondered if he had given up on me. Frankly, he'd made more of an effort than I deserved. I'd treated him terribly. The day at the park had been fun. More fun than I had had in months and truthfully, I kind of missed the banter we had established, and how he always seemed to lift the fog of my depression. I debated if I should call him, eventually giving in to the urge. As the phone rang, I leaned back in my chair, crossed my legs and tried to stop myself from nervously jiggling my left leg, unsure of what to say to him and how he'd receive it. I wanted to ask him to lunch to apologize for the way I'd treated him.

"Edward Cullen, Special Exhibits and Collections. How may I help you?"

"Hi, it's Bella," I answered nervously.

"Bella." His voice was neutral, neither pleased nor displeased to hear from me.

"How are you?" I asked.

"Fine...you?" I pressed on despite the coolness I could hear in his voice.

"I'm fine." I swallowed hard, nerves building in the pit of my stomach. "I was calling to ask if you would you like to come to lunch with me?"

He hesitated for a moment and I wondered if I had interrupted him. "Is this another company event?" his tone was a little more clipped and I felt my stomach drop.

"No. This is me asking you out to lunch."

"Today?"

"If you're available." I was hopeful that he didn't have plans, but I would understand if he didn't want to see me.

"I'm not; I have a meeting in about twenty minutes that will probably run long."

"Oh." I couldn't hide the disappointment in my voice. Rather than push the issue though, I suggested another time. "Later this week?"

He hesitated. "I have some time on Thursday, if you could go around noon."

"I can't," I said apologetically. "I have an appointment with a client scheduled." I would have loved to have cancelled my appointment but I had just signed on to take a new case and I could already tell this client was going to be difficult.

"Maybe next week?" he offered.

"What about this Saturday?" I was bordering on sounding desperate but I didn't want to wait that long to see him.

"Yeah, I can do lunch on Saturday. Where would you like to go?"

"What about The Crab House at Pier 39?" The restaurant was known around the area for their amazing crab dishes but it was still casual. Perfect for a friendly kiss-and-make-up lunch in a neutral location.

"That sounds good."

"Does one p.m. work for you?"

"One is fine. Hey, I need to get going. Have a nice week, Bella, and I will see you on Saturday."

"Thanks. You, too, Edward."

I grimaced at the phone for a moment before I hung up. It had been such a strange, awkward conversation. I didn't really blame Edward for being short with me. He was so wary of me now. While I couldn't blame him, I felt disappointed. I shook my head to clear my thoughts and dove back into work; I had too much to do today to spend more time thinking about Edward.

I spent the day immersed in depositions and case files. I waved goodbye distractedly to Bree, who popped in before she left to make sure I didn't need anything. Lauren was, of course, already gone. In fact, she had been leaving early lately, and was often not around when I needed her. I was going to have to have a word with her soon.

I was still holed up in my office working when the phone beeped hours later. Assuming it was a reminder to eat dinner, I reached to silence it, but I was surprised to see a text message from Edward.

_**Sorry if I was a bit short with you earlier, you caught me by surprise.**_

I felt my breath catch in my throat at his text. I couldn't blame him; in fact, I half-expected Edward to be a bit put out with me. I sent him a reply a few minutes later.

_**That's okay. I didn't mean to bother you. I am looking forward to seeing you on Saturday. **_

_**Me, too. I'm glad you called.**_

_**Good.**_

"_Good? What was I thinking?" _I wondered. Why did I always sound so strange and awkward when I talked to him on the phone? And what was it about Edward that made me so nervous I second-guessed everything I said to him? I sent off another reply telling him I'd see him soon and put my phone out of reach.

The rest of the week had me wrapped up in a particularly grueling case that needed my full attention. By the time Friday evening rolled around, I was exhausted and went to bed early. In the morning, the fog was so thick that I could hardly see, so instead of my usual outdoor run, I used the treadmill in my home office. I watched the news and my mind began wandering until they did a segment on the museum's new exhibit. Apparently, the Governor's wife was quite the art enthusiast and was making a visit today. I felt a sense of pride for Edward, knowing he was the one who had put it all together.

After that, I could think of nothing but my lunch plans with Edward. I spent far too long picking out something to wear. I finally settled on a pair of dark jeans, a loose brown silky top and a cream-colored belted cardigan. Cream heels and a dangling pendant necklace pulled it all together. I had straightened my hair after my shower earlier and I gathered it into a low ponytail that draped over one shoulder. I kept my makeup light and neutral and as I dabbed gloss on my lips and threw it into the slouchy brown leather hobo bag.

I realized I was primping just a little too much for a casual lunch.

I drove to Pier 39 and eventually found a parking spot. The fog had cleared, although it was still overcast and cool. I got to the restaurant with fifteen minutes to spare. It was a popular place, so I had made a reservation earlier in the week and the table was ready and waiting when I arrived. The restaurant was clean and bright, with a vaguely retro feel. White subway tiles lined the walls and the floor tiles were black and white. The tables were small and cozy, and it had a relaxed, energetic vibe and fantastic views. I took a seat and just moments later my phone vibrated.

I reached for it, wondering if Edward was calling to cancel. To my surprise it was Vanessa.

"Are you all right, Bella?" she asked, a slight panic in her voice.

"I'm fine, why?"

"You're fifteen minutes late for our lunch and you're never late for anything!"

"Shit. I completely forgot we even had lunch planned." Guilt washed over me as soon as I heard her words. I hadn't remembered our plans when I made my lunch date with Edward.

"I take it you're not coming." I could hear the disappointment in her voice and it made me feel awful.

"I'm sorry, I can't make it today," I said apologetically. It wasn't like me to blow Vanessa off, but it was too late to call Edward and reschedule. Plus, I realized deep down, I really wanted to see him.

"Damn it, are you working on a Saturday again?" I chuckled internally; leave it to Vanessa to know me so well. It was nice knowing that she cared.

"No, I made other plans."

"You're standing me up?" she said incredulously. "It better be for Charlie."

"Uh... no." I wasn't sure I wanted to tell Vanessa about Edward yet. It wasn't that I was hiding him. I just didn't know what he was to me at this point and I knew as soon as Vanessa knew, she would interrogate me about him.

I looked up just in time to see Edward at the front of the restaurant and he grinned when he spotted me and made his way to the table.

"Oh my God, you're having lunch with a man who isn't your father or a co-worker?" There was excitement in her voice and I knew next time I saw her she was going to ask me a million questions.

"I didn't say that," I protested.

Edward took a seat at the table and I mouthed 'one second,' holding up my index finger. He nodded and looked down at the menu while he waited.

"You didn't have to; I could just tell." Vanessa giggled. "Is he there right now?"

Trying to keep my conversation private, I casually replied, "Yes," as if my call was just any random business call.

"Fine, but you are going to tell me everything later." I could feel my cheeks heat. I needed to get off the phone.

"All right, I need to go. Talk to you later, Vanessa."

"Have fun. Go do something I'd do."

"Goodbye, Vanessa." I rolled my eyes in amusement and hung up my phone. "Sorry, Edward."

"It's fine," he reassured me.

"Apparently, I stood up my friend Vanessa today."

A quick look of disappointment washed over his face. "Do you need to go?" he said apprehensively.

"Oh, no. I can see her anytime. She works at Swan and Volturi, too. We get together for lunch all the time. We'll just reschedule."

"You're sure?" His face brightened and it reminded me how awful I had been to him just days before. He really was a nice guy.

"Absolutely. It's just strange that I did that; I'm normally meticulous about keeping my schedule up to date. I usually have my phone on me all the time and it's synced to my calendar so I never miss anything."

Edward gave me an amused glance. "That doesn't surprise me about you."

"How was your week?" I asked.

"Good. Finalizing some of the details for the upcoming Richard Serra exhibit."

"Richard Serra. . . he does the large scale sheet metal sculptures, doesn't he?"

"You do know your modern art," Edward said, sounding impressed. "I usually get blank looks from people unless I'm discussing the handful of really big names that the general public knows."

"There were a handful of elective classes I had to take during my undergrad, and I took art history. I've tried to keep up on it since."

"It's refreshing, honestly." He gave me a pleased look. "And yes, that is the Richard Serra I'm talking about."

"Aren't most of the sculptures pretty site-specific? I mean, can they even be moved? The scale is just enormous."

"They are site-specific. We're actually doing a retrospective on his drawings. He used black paintstick and they're really fascinating. They look very simple, but they're these stark forms that manipulate the viewer's sense of mass and gravity." He reached in his pocket and pulled out his phone, quickly searching for the images. "I can show you a quick example. It'll hardly have the same effect on a three-inch screen. It should give you some idea of what they're like though."

I took the phone from him and studied it. "Hmm, I would like to see it in person."

"It'll be at the museum from mid-October through January. If you'd like a private tour I might know someone who could arrange that."

I handed him his phone back. "It's always good to have connections." I grinned. I was so mesmerized by his answering smile that I didn't even notice the waitress arrive.

"Hi, I'm Becky, can I get either of you something to drink? Maybe something from our Mojito Bar?" she asked.

"What would you like, Bella?" Edward asked.

"A mojito would be great actually."

"Absolutely, we have seven different kinds." The waitress showed them to me on the menu. They all looked fantastic and it took me a moment to decide.

"The classic mint and rum mojito, please."

"Sure thing, and for you sir?"

I watched Edward as he ordered a beer. He was very focused and friendly with the waitress without being flirty or inappropriate. It was the same way he had charmed all of the women at the company barbecue.

When she left he looked back at me. "The exhibit will also have Serra's early sculptures. He worked mainly in lead, rubber, and fiberglass."

I nodded. "I will definitely have to come see it."

"Good. Now, I guess we should decide on our meal before the waitress comes around again."

"Probably. I can talk art all day though."

"Don't say that—I turn into such a nerd about it and you'll never get me to stop. Trust me; you will get sick of it."

"It's a nice change of pace from the law. I love it, but sometimes I feel like it's all I think about." I looked down at my menu for a moment, wondering what I should order.

"Have you been here before?" Edward asked.

"A few times, you?"

"Yeah, I came here with my friend Emmett a month or two ago. He can eat an alarming amount of crab."

It was nice hearing something about Edward's life. "Any idea what you want to get?"

"I was thinking about getting the bruschetta, would you like to split that?"

"Sure. I think I'll get the crab cioppinno stew and the mixed baby greens."

"That sounds good. I always want to try other things here, but invariably I end up getting a Caesar salad and a half-order of the killer crab."

"I have a few restaurants like that. I'm sure they have other delicious things, but I can't resist my favorites." We spent a few minutes talking about our favorite restaurants until the waitress brought our drinks and took our order.

"How was your week?" Edward asked when she was gone.

"It was fine. I have a case that's a bit overwhelming at the moment, although I'm sure it will settle down eventually."

"So, what do you do for fun?" he asked.

I laughed, somewhat uncomfortable. "Fun? I'm not sure I have that anymore. I work an incredible number of hours a week, and I go out with my friend Vanessa when I can, and to Leah's bar occasionally, but that's about it. Honestly, the time I spent with you in the last couple of weeks has been the most I've gone out to do something in a long time." I looked down and took a deep breath. "I'm really sorry about the way the barbecue ended. I had a great time."

"Can you tell me what happened? Things were going well and then it was like you disappeared. I didn't know if I did something wrong or..."

"No, it wasn't you. This sounds ridiculous, but it wasn't you, it was me. This time last year... I was at the barbecue with my ex, and it brought up some memories."

"Bad memories?"

I shook my head. "Good memories. Some of the best in my life, honestly."

"You miss him."

I was quiet for a moment before I spoke. "Yes." The waitress brought our appetizer at that moment and I was never more grateful for the interruption.

"But, you asked what I did for fun," I continued when she left. "I run, a lot actually. Nearly every morning. Usually about forty-five minutes along the waterfront."

"I run, too. Usually at the gym, although an outside run sounds nice."

"Unless it's storming, I really prefer to be outside. I have a treadmill in my apartment, but I don't use it unless I have to."

"You obviously go to museums for fun as well," he teased me and I grinned.

"Yes, I do. Your museum is my favorite in the city, to be honest. Although, I try to go to others, too."

"Have you ever been to the Exploratorium?"

"I can't help thinking that is the worst name for a science and art museum." I chuckled. "But no, I haven't been there in years, actually."

"There are so many incredible museums in the area, I never have the time to visit them as often as I'd like."

"Me either," I admitted.

For a moment, he looked as though he wanted to say something. Instead, he hesitated and took a bite of the bruschetta instead.

"What do you do for fun?" I asked.

"I actually find my job incredibly fun. I certainly have my share of stressful days, especially when we're scrambling right before an exhibition opens. Researching them and pulling the pieces together from various other museums around the world, however, is incredibly enjoyable for me."

Edward sipped his beer and I watched his lips on the edge of the bottle and his long fingers wrapped around the base of it. His tongue caught a stray droplet of the gold liquid and I felt myself flush at the memory of that tongue against my body.

"I spend a fair amount of time with my family, too," he added and I shook myself out of the lustful haze I'd been in. "My parents and sister live in the city, so I see them often."

"That's nice. I take it you get along well?"

"Yes, we do."

"You've met my family," I said. "So, you probably figured out that my father and I are very close, and my mother..." I sighed. "She's not the same woman she was when I was a child. She's always been concerned about her looks and social status. It's reached a nearly pathological level lately. I don't even know who she is anymore."

I looked down and took a sip of my drink. Edward's hand covered mine and he lightly squeezed my fingers. "Are you an only child?" he asked.

I nodded. "Yes. I don't actually know if that was by choice, or because they weren't able to have more. My parents never talked about it. But, either way, I always wanted siblings growing up."

"Really?"

"Yeah. I don't really mind now, although when I was little I wanted a sister," I said wistfully.

"I would have given you mine. I love her now, but we drove each other crazy as kids. We fought all the time."

"It's nice that you get along now."

"Yeah, it is. I'm pretty close to her husband, too."

He took a sip of his beer. "Do you have many close friends?"

"Vanessa and I are pretty close. We met at Georgetown when we were in law school. Her family is all out in Maryland and I think she was looking to get away from them. So when I told her about positions opening up at Swan and Volturi, she took the bar out here and got hired. She's really brilliant."

"I didn't realize you went to Georgetown for law school."

"Yes, Stanford undergrad, and Georgetown law."

"Wow. I am very impressed."

"Where did you go?" I asked.

"UC Berkeley for both undergrad and grad school."

"Do you ever plan to get a PhD?"

He shrugged. "I've considered it; I'm just not sure if it's worth it. I would need a PhD if I wanted to advance within the museum, to take over the Director position, but I'm not sure I ever want to. I'm really happy with what I'm doing now. I could see doing it for the rest of my life."

The waitress cleared the appetizer plates and brought out our salads.

"I never wanted to be anything except a lawyer," I said, after I'd taken a bite. "I'd go to work with my dad on the weekends and bring my toys or books, and I'd watch him. And sometimes he'd tell me a little bit about the case, and the law and how he was helping people. I wanted to be just like him."

"And you succeeded."

A smile spread across my face. My father was a wonderful man and a lot of people really admired him. It made me happy to think that I had even come close to being like him. "I'm trying. I'm doing my best to earn partner and not just have it given to me because it's my father's firm. So, I put in twice as many hours as a lot of the other lawyers, just to prove there's no favoritism. It feels like I'm still scrambling to earn the title and the respect he has."

"What you're doing is very admirable," Edward said. "I have a lot of respect for you."

"Thanks." I looked down at my salad. "Tell me more about your travels in Europe."

"After I finished grad school I bummed around Europe for a year. Just a hobo with a backpack really. I stayed in youth hostels and one night I even slept on a park bench. The only time I stayed in hotels was when my parents came to visit. They met me in London and Prague, for a week at a time. The rest of the time it was just me with my backpack and scruffy beard."

I chuckled, trying to picture Edward as the typical bohemian art student bumming around European cities, dressed in ratty cargo pants and holey T-shirts. "I'm not sure I can even visualize that."

"Don't, it wasn't a pretty sight. Or a pretty smell either sometimes, but I loved it. It's probably the happiest I've ever been." A frown quickly passed over his face and then cleared. "It cost me a relationship though."

I wasn't expecting him to discuss his relationship history and I really wasn't sure where to go with that statement. I didn't want to get into our past relationships but knew I had to say something. "I'm sorry," I finally managed.

"It's fine. At the time, it was a hard decision to make. As much as I loved her, I think we both knew it wasn't meant to be long-term though."

"What was she like?" I asked. His comment made me curious to learn more about his history; although, I was somewhat concerned he'd ask questions about Riley that I wasn't prepared to answer.

"Her name was Heidi. We met in undergrad, started dating pretty much right away. She knocked me right off my feet. She was all golden, long sun kissed light brown hair, tanned skin and light brown eyes. I thought she was a goddess." He seemed far away, remembering. "Not your typical Microbiologist."

"Wow."

"Yeah, I have a thing for exceptionally smart women." He winked at me and I murmured a distracted thank you to the waitress who had come to clear our salad plates and bring out our entrees.

"Heidi and I were together for undergrad and we both went to grad school at Berkeley, so that was easy. But after I graduated, I wanted to travel and she went right into the PhD program. And there was no way to try to maintain a relationship. It never occurred to me to stay for her and it never occurred to her to go with me. It was hard, we'd been together for almost six years and I loved her. After a while, it was kind of a relief, though. I had never really been able to picture her as my wife and the mother of my children. We weren't bad together, we just weren't right together either, you know?"

"How old were you when you left for Europe?"

"Twenty-four."

"You probably weren't in any hurry to settle down then."

"No, but it was always a long-term goal. In fact, that was part of the reason I wanted to do the trip to Europe, I wanted to have that time to really immerse myself in art before I began my career and settled down. Luckily, I am in a field where it was an asset on my resume instead of making me look like a lazy slob."

"That's the only downside to my career, no real time to travel. But I do hope to make some time in the future. I'm not sure if I could handle the backpacking bohemian lifestyle though." I tried not to cringe at the thought.

"I am not sure I could anymore either. The thought of sleeping on those beds in the hostels that are about a foot too short for me...no thanks. I've gotten used to my king size bed. I'm spoiled now." He laughed ruefully.

I looked down and realized I had eaten the majority of my stew without even tasting it. I had been so wrapped up in my conversation with Edward that I hadn't really noticed what I was eating. I dipped a grilled piece of sourdough in the broth and ate it. Now that I was finally paying attention to my meal, I realized how delicious it was.

"How is the crab?" I asked him.

"Honestly, I don't really know," he said, sounding puzzled. "I have been so busy talking with you; I haven't been paying any attention."

"Me either," I admitted. "But the bite I just had was really good."

"Good. I am glad you suggested this place."

"Me, too."

We finished our entrees and as Edward wiped his hands clean and swallowed the last of his beer, I realized I was disappointed that our lunch was ending.

"Do you want dessert?" he asked, pushing his plate away from him, relaxing back against the chair.

"No, I'm fine."

"Are you sure? There's Tiramisu."

"That is tempting."

"Come on, we can split it," he coaxed.

"I don't need dessert," I protested.

"Bella, you're an extraordinarily beautiful woman, but you look like you could eat Tiramisu three times a day for the next couple of months and not have it be too much."

I sighed. "I get so wrapped up in work I don't always remember to eat; I promise I'm not deliberately starving myself." I laughed trying to lighten the mood. Though my words were true, it wasn't really something Edward needed to be concerned over.

He protested, "Oh, I didn't think that. I just want you to enjoy yourself today. Don't worry about doing what you should do. Do what you want to do. Do what feels good."

His fingers covered mine and he squeezed them gently.

"Let's split some Tiramisu then," I said.

"Great idea."

We finished our meal with dessert and coffee. As I watched him eat I couldn't help but feel a little flutter of anticipation, wondering where the rest of the day could take us. We haggled over the bill—good-naturedly—but he finally relented when I reminded him that I had invited him to apologize.

"What next?" he asked, and I nodded, smiling to myself because he wanted a next time. "Do you have somewhere you need to be?" he asked as we made our way out of the cafe.

"We could go see the Sea Lions; I haven't done that in ages."

"Sure," he said. The smile that spread across Edward's face was so sweet, I melted a little.

We made our way down the stairs to the first level of the pier. The best area for viewing the sea lions was near the tip of the pier and we walked slowly along the water. The sun had come out during lunch and although it was breezy, it was pleasant out. I felt light and relaxed with the sunshine on my face and the wind fluttering the hem of my cardigan against my thighs.

Edward looked relaxed, too. I hadn't even noticed earlier, but he was dressed fairly casually as well, in a pair of dark jeans and a slate blue button down shirt with the sleeves rolled up. The color set off his eyes and the sun glinted off the red hues in his hair.

"What?" he asked, and I realized I was staring at him.

"Sorry, you just look really relaxed and happy," I commented.

"I am. You look really good." He brushed a strand of hair that had blown loose from my ponytail away from my cheek. "Like you're enjoying yourself."

"I am."

When we reached the end of the pier we stopped to watch the sea lions cavorting in the water, their sleek bodies glistening in the sun.

"I used to watch them for hours when I was a kid."

I leaned against the railing and he stood behind me, pressed lightly against me, his arms on either side of mine, his hands braced on the top rail. I felt his breath against my hair and the soft rise and fall of his chest. I had missed the feel of someone holding me. When the loneliness crept in, I could always feel it across my upper back, and it only faded when my back was pressed tight against someone's strong chest.

I fit in Edward's arms and it was too easy to give in to the feeling. Too easy to close my eyes and sink back in to his embrace. Edward confused me, left my thoughts muddled and hazy. After a while, I exhaled softly and he leaned back, his hands moving from the railing to my arms.

"You good?" he asked.

"Yeah, I think I've had my fill of the Sea Lions."

"All right." We took the long way around the pier and back to the Embarcadero, walking hand in hand.

"I should go," I said, somewhat reluctantly.

He gently pulled me to him, kissing me softly for a moment. "I think you should let me take you back to my place." I raised an eyebrow at him suggestively and he snickered quietly. "Mmm, yes, _that_ sounds good. Let me take you back to my place so I can make you dinner a little later. We can watch a movie or something..." His voice trailed off as he kissed his way down my neck and then back up again. "Then maybe I can tempt you back into my bed."

There was a part of me that was tempted. It had been a great day with Edward. Lunch had been wonderful and I really liked talking to him. But his idea for the rest of the day was too cozy and romantic sounding. Too much like something a couple would do. Too much like something Riley and I had done. I gently pushed Edward away from me and his face fell.

"I have plans tonight and I can't cancel," I lied. I did have plans, but they were with Vanessa and if I told her I was going out with Edward she wouldn't complain at all. In fact, she'd encourage it.

He stepped back, releasing me. "A date?"

"And if it is?" I questioned.

"I'm sorry." He ran a hand through his hair. "I just really was having a great day with you. I didn't want it to end."

"I had a nice time, too. But I do have plans. I'm going out to a club with Vanessa. I already stood her up for lunch."

"All right," Edward conceded. "I suppose I'll have to let you go. But call me when you'd like to go out again." His thumb brushed my cheek as he leaned in to give me another soft kiss.

I didn't respond to his words, but I did kiss him back.

"Hey, would you like a ride home?" he asked.

"No, I drove, but thanks. Have a good rest of the day, Edward."

"You, too, Bella." And with that, I walked away.

**~LTOYL~**

Once I was home, I called Vanessa. She eagerly agreed to meet me at Ruby Skye later that night. I knew she was dying to interrogate me about what was going on with Edward. Her grandmother was still sick and she'd flown to Maryland to visit her several times in the last month, so we hadn't spent as much time together lately. Plus, I hadn't exactly been forthcoming with information about him. I'd had no problem dishing about the other guys in the past, but somehow I felt strange telling her about Edward. Still, when we were at a table in the lounge with drinks and she fixed her gaze on me, I knew it was just a matter of time before I spilled everything to her.

"Oh my God, you have to tell me everything. All I know is there's some guy you've gone out with a couple of times."

"There's nothing to tell, Ness." I sat back in my seat, crossing my legs. The black dress I had on was loosely draped on top with a deeply plunging V in back and a short skirt. I had kept my look simple, with red lips, red Louboutins and a cuffed bracelet that glittered in the lights of the club.

"How did you meet him?" she asked.

"At Leah's."

"Who the hell is Leah?" Ness asked.

"Leah is the owner of a bar I go to occasionally. It's not far from my place. I go there sometimes when I want a drink to unwind."

"Oh, okay. So you met him there?"

"Yes."

"Did you fuck him that night?" she asked rather loudly.

"Jesus, Ness. A little quieter would you? Yes, we got together that night."

Vanessa gasped and squealed like a high school girl; I felt like I was telling her about my first kiss or something. "Have you seen him since?"

"I ran into him at the museum when I went with James." I tried to keep the tone in my voice even; I didn't want her to get too excited over Edward. I'd mentioned James, but we hadn't yet discussed what happened at the museum.

"Ooh, juicy. Was there a fistfight?" Her eyes twinkled with excitement.

"No, Ness." I laughed. "There wasn't a fistfight. They didn't even talk to each other. While James went to get me a glass of wine Edward came over to talk."

Her face grew thoughtful as the wheels in her mind started to work. She raised one eyebrow and squinted a little, obviously thinking of something. "Then what?"

"After he left, James came back for a few minutes before he got a phone call." I said. I really didn't want to tell her what happened next so I took a large drink, averting my eyes to the dance floor. Cautiously, I peered back over to Ness who was still staring at me, waiting for more details. Taking another drink, I looked to the table and rushed through describing the rest of the night. "He left and when I went outside to find him he was fucking some redhead."

Nearly choking on her drink, Ness replied, "Wait, Edward was?"

"No, James. So, I was feeling really overwhelmed. I broke down crying. Edward somehow found me there. We talked for a little bit before he took me out for coffee and we went back to his place."

"How was it?"

"Spectacular." I paused. "But … then Riley called later that night."

"Holy shit! How did I miss this?" Ness's eyes gleamed.

"You were out of town visiting your grandma."

"So...what did you do?" she asked curiously.

"I left, and tried to call Riley back, but I couldn't get a hold of him."

"Wait, you left? "Then what?" She leaned forward until she was perched on the edge of her chair, her eyes wide.

I grimaced. I didn't want to talk about this anymore. It really wasn't as big of a deal as she was making it out to be. "I went home, carried on as usual. No big deal."

"Bella-"

Interrupting her, I figured I might as well just tell her. "A week later, I found out Edward had left me a couple of notes with Jacob, and Jacob never gave them to me."

"Aww, I love Jacob. He's such a cute old guy," Ness said.

"Well, he messed with my mail, so I'm not very happy. But I called Edward, apologized, and ended up asking him to the company barbecue."

"Oh damn, I am sorry I missed that. Could have met the new boy toy." She gave me a wink and smirked.

"Anyway, we made plans for lunch today."

"Hmm, four dates, huh?" Again with the smirk.

"I guess."

"So, you slept with him three more times?" Jesus, in Ness' world every date had to end with sex.

"No, just twice. He didn't come home with me after the barbecue."

She was quiet for a moment, then said, "Why not?"

"Ness, can we just drop it? I was having a rough time with Riley being gone." I couldn't quite meet her eyes.

"Oh, I'm sorry. You like this new guy though, right?" Her tone was soft, the concern in her voice clear.

I paused hesitantly. "I do like Edward, I mean, he's really interesting."

"And good in bed?" Vanessa prompted, trying to make a joke.

"Yeah, he's good in bed," I couldn't hide the grin that lit my face.

"Better than the other guys?"

"Definitely," I said, amused by the idea.

She hesitated before quietly asking, "Better than Riley?"

My throat closed and I blinked back tears. "Ness..."

"Shit, Bella, I'm sorry."

"I know." I sighed.

I couldn't believe she had asked me that. It was the one thing I had never let myself consider. Riley and Edward were different, and that was as much as I had ever admitted. I had loved Riley since I was sixteen. He had been my first and only lover until he left. The depth of my feelings for him meant that every encounter after that paled in comparison. Except, the way Edward had touched me affected me far more than I liked to admit. To him, I had denied the connection I had felt. To myself, I wasn't sure if I could.

"All right, I think we need to dance," I said firmly.

Determined to put Edward out of my mind, I plastered a smile on my face and began to move to the music. Everything that had happened over the last few weeks had unsettled me. It was too easy to forget that Edward was just a guy I'd gone out with a few times. It didn't have to be more serious than that. Clearly he was hoping for more, but there was no way I was ready for a relationship. His jealous comment earlier lingered in my mind. I decided that there was only one way to prove that Edward meant nothing to me. All I had to do was find another guy to replace him. How hard could that be?

It wasn't long before we had a handful of guys showering us with attention. I picked the blue-eyed blond named Kyle who seemed just a little bit shy. He seemed a little bit in awe of me, and the power I had over him was kind of intoxicating. He warmed up once we started dancing and, if the way he moved his hips was any indication, I wouldn't be unsatisfied that night. I decided to take him home, and when I whispered in his ear that I wanted to fuck him, he gulped hard and nodded.

I took Kyle's arm and just as we passed by the bar on the way out, I saw Edward. I felt like his eyes were boring into me, and I flinched, feeling inexplicably guilty. His lips thinned and he frowned at me. He didn't look away, just stared at me with a level, disappointed gaze that made me cringe. He was pissed. Even after he turned away to talk to the people he was with and I followed Kyle out of the club, I couldn't shake the feeling of Edward's eyes on me. I'd proven to myself that I could easily find another guy, inadvertently showing Edward that I had no intention of letting things get more serious between us. Why did it feel like such a hollow victory?

* * *

All your reviews have been great and super supportive. Some of you have started to question how long Edward will stick around when Bella is clearly not over Riley. Just keep in mind that Edward hasn't really asked her for much. He's still trying to see where things go, too. This is a long story and we're only about a third of the way through but we promise there will be a HEA for Edward and Bella.

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	16. Chapter 15: Tension

It's here! The day we have all been waiting for since that very first moment we laid eyes on Edward Cullen. The end of the saga on the big screen. Do you all have your tickets? Discordia and I are waiting, probably until the weekend, so no spoilers! It's been a great ride, hasn't it?

Here is the pictease for the chapter. I think you'll appreciate the visual. ;) *com/2q3cfpi*jpg The song we chose is "Sometime Around Midnight" by The Airborne Toxic Event youtu*be/aKEu3EmBCzQ The lyrics are particularly fitting. goo*gl/imFlG

Thank you to our fantastic beta's: **karenec, LJ Summers, **and** jakeward**. You ladies rock our socks! We'd like to officially welcome **AshesAshes** to our team, as well. She has a beautiful story called _Love, Save the Empty_ you should all check out.

Disclaimer: _All publicly recognizable characters, settings, etc. are the property of their respective owners. The original characters and plot are the property of the author. The author is in no way associated with the owners, creators, or producers of any media franchise. No copyright infringement is intended._

* * *

**Chapter Fifteen: Tension**

Sure that I had ruined any chance of seeing Edward again, I spent the next week trying to convince myself that it didn't matter. He was just a guy, much the same as any of the others. Maybe he was more interesting to talk to than most, and he was definitely better in bed. He was by no means irreplaceable.

Or so I tried to tell myself.

The previous weekend's tryst with Kyle had left me completely unsatisfied. He was tentative and, after a while, I found myself growing bored. I couldn't keep my mind on what we were doing and before we progressed beyond fooling around I pushed him away. The memory of Edward's heated and hostile gaze when I left with Kyle hadn't helped things either. I sent Kyle home, frustrated and disappointed, but it just wasn't going to happen. I was irritable as well, and though I tried to burn off my frustrations with running, it didn't really work.

Vanessa and I met up for drinks on Thursday night; I just couldn't take another moment of thinking about work. It helped; she distracted me with her usual stories of the smitten men whom she constantly left begging for more. I had any number of guys hit on me that night but I turned them all down, feeling confused. That night when I crawled in bed alone, I wondered what the hell I was doing. I lay awake for a long time, unable to calm my restless mind.

Vanessa thrived on one-night stands and stringing guys along. But once again I was reminded that it wasn't me. The unsuccessful tryst with Kyle the weekend before had proven that. The only reason I'd even tried to sleep with him was to piss off Edward. I knew it wasn't healthy, and I regretted even trying.

I was suited to serious, long-term commitment. But without Riley, I just didn't see that as a possibility any more. The guys I'd brought home were a poor distraction; a haphazard attempt to bandage a wound that would never heal.

I spent hours lying awake that night, miserable, but completely unsure of how to proceed. My life had been so orderly before Riley left, planned and structured, predictable. I had found comfort in it, and without that order, I was floundering. A relationship with anyone was out of the question, but one-night stands only left me miserable. As long as things weren't serious with Edward, I liked spending time with him. I just had a feeling he was looking for something far more serious than I'd ever be able to manage.

Edward had been the only guy that I had genuinely liked and I had clearly ruined any chance I had with him. It was understandable, really. Even if he theoretically knew that I brought home random guys from bars, _seeing_ it was something else entirely. No man liked knowing that the woman they were sleeping with was with other guys as well. Up until now, I hadn't really thought about the fact that he was most likely seeing other women as well. I had to assume he was. He was far too attractive, intelligent, and successful not to have plenty of other women interested in dating him. It wasn't as though I expected him to be seeing me exclusively. But if the situation had been reversed, would I have been entirely fine with seeing him with another woman on his arm? Probably not. It was far easier to imagine that I had him so besotted with me that he couldn't even think about another woman. The likelihood of that was slim and, in fact, there had been a leggy, curvaceous woman in white standing to his right at the club. Chances were she had gone home with him when he left the club. And there was a part of me—that I hated to admit to—that was envious of her. Because there was no contest between the guy I had taken home and Edward. Edward might not be Riley, but he was an extraordinary person, and we were physically and mentally compatible.

Although he made me vaguely nervous sometimes, it was disappointing to think that I would probably never see Edward again. He had made me feel more alive than I had in months. It was with those thoughts that I finally fell asleep, remembering his blue-grey eyes locked on mine and the soft way he'd held me.

I tried to keep myself busy, but Edward rarely left my mind. My usual morning run was unsatisfying and I felt no better when I got home than when I'd left. The air was thick and heavy with fog so I drove to work instead of walking.

I felt marginally better once I was in my office, sipping my usual latte and reviewing the case I had been focusing on all week. It was a challenging but rewarding case that I felt privileged to have been asked to take on. It involved a sexual harassment suit. My client had accused a male co-worker of sexual harassment and he'd been charged in criminal court. She was suing the company for not pursing the numerous complaints she had made while, for months, she had been forced to deal with his advances. The company had in fact been grossly negligent, and I was eager to take the case to court.

When I met with my client later that day, she was shaky and tearful as we went over the final details before the trial. I was hopeful that the verdict would be in her favor. I was confident that we had a solid case against her company. Opening remarks went well on Tuesday and by the time my client took the stand to give her testimony on Friday afternoon, she was steady and resolved. It was exactly the kind of case that I loved. The week wrapped up on a high note and since Ness was flying out to visit her grandmother again, I made a trip to Leah's, hoping things had blown over. She scowled when she saw me take a seat at the bar, and I knew instantly she was still ticked over Edward and I.

"I thought I told you that you weren't welcome here."

"Edward and I are doing just fine, Leah," I lied. "We met for lunch last week."

"So, you're dating now?" she said with a sarcastic grin.

"What? No. Nothing like that. Just having fun." What was it with people assuming that just because you went out with someone a few times you were "together".

"I swear, if you hurt him, I will make you sorry." The sincerity on Leah's face was one not to be mistaken.

"Can I just get my usual Drambuie?" I asked with a sigh. It was none of Leah's business what happened between Edward and me. She could make her assumptions; I was really tired of caring what people thought.

"Don't you mean Drambuie and a heart to break?" she asked snidely. "Maybe I have another friend who you can jerk around."

"I'm still deciding which one I want," I said sharply and then reminded myself that I didn't have to stoop to her level. "You know what, Leah..." I let my words trail off; it wasn't even worth going into it with her.

"You're a real piece of work." Leah shook her head and pointed toward the door.

I get that you're protective of Edward, but he's a big boy. I'm sure he can handle himself."

Leah scowled at me and I turned to leave, but I ran into a man standing behind me. I looked up to see a tall guy with dark curly hair and dark brown eyes. He was solidly built and had a broad smile with a dimple in one cheek.

"Hey there," he said eyeing me up and down.

"I'm sorry," I apologized. "I didn't mean to run into you. I didn't know you were there."

"I was coming over to talk to you."

"Oh really?" I tilted my head up at him.

"I was going to see if you wanted a drink."

A slow smile spread across my face. If Leah wanted a reason to be pissed at me, I'd give her one. "I'd love one but I was actually just leaving for another place down the street. Care to join me?"

I could feel Leah scowling at me from across the room.

"Fucking tramp," Leah muttered and walked to clear some tables.

"What's her problem?" the guy asked when she walked away.

"We have a difference of opinion on something." I smiled at him. "So, what is your name?"

"Demetri."

"Nice to meet you, Demetri, I'm Bella," I said.

We spoke for a moment and were just about to leave for another place when I realized I desperately needed to use the restroom. I laid my hand on his arm. "Hey, I need to use the ladies' room, but I'll be right back."

I stood up and headed toward the back of the bar, making sure to add a little sway to my hips. When I emerged from the bathroom, I came face to face with a scowling Edward.

"Why are you here?" I asked.

He ignored my question and shook his head at me. "What the hell are you doing, Bella?"

"I'm having a drink at a bar with someone. What business is it of yours?" I asked him, irritated with the possessive tone he was taking with me.

"Do you really think that guy will give you what you need, Bella?"

"Edward-" I started to interject but he cut me off.

"If you wanted to get fucked tonight, you could have called me. Or did you lose my number?" He asked, scowling down at me.

"Remind me again. I've forgotten just what it is you think I need from you," I taunted him.

He pushed me back into the wall and dropped his head to take the soft flesh behind my ear between his teeth. He bit down gently and I shuddered.

"You're going to go home with me tonight and I'm going to remind you just how good we are together. It's not going to be slow and sweet like the first time. It's going to be rough and hard. It's going to be so good; you just need to realize that these assholes you pick up aren't worth your time."

"I don't think I like the possessive tone, Edward." I tried to pull away from him but he slammed his hips against mine, pinning me to the wall. He was hard against me and I couldn't stop the moan that left my lips.

"You can go home with some idiot who may not even be able to satisfy you, or you can go home with me." His voice was low and hoarse in my ear and I felt my nipples tighten against his chest through the fabric that separated us. "It's your choice." Without another word, he spun around and walked towards the exit without another look back at me.

I sat there, leaning against the rough brick wall for a moment to calm my breathing. I thought about the guy waiting for me, having already nearly forgotten his name, and decided Edward was right.

I hurried over to him. "I'm...I'm sorry," I stammered weakly, not sure of what to say or how to explain it to him. "I have to go."

"Are you okay?" he asked.

"I'm fine. I'm sorry. I just need to go." I hurried outside and saw Edward waiting in the back seat of a cab with the door open. I scrambled to get in without flashing everyone on the street, and Edward barked out his address.

"Edward-" I tried to speak but he cut me off.

"We're going to my place." His words were short and still clipped with a hint of anger. I knew he was jealous when he saw me at the museum with James but that was nothing compared to his attitude tonight at the bar. He exhaled and for the first time that evening the tension in his shoulders relaxed a fraction. "Look, I don't want to get into it in the back of the taxi here. Please, let's just go to my place and I'll explain."

"Fine." I turned and looked out the window of the cab, watching the city go by in a blur of lights. Neither of us spoke on the short ride there, and the air was thick and uncomfortable with tension.

When the cab pulled up at Delancey Street, I followed him to his apartment, waiting while he unlocked the door, letting us both in. Once inside, he dropped his keys on a nearby table, flipped on a small lamp and I turned to face him. The tension between us crackled, his eyes were intense as he stared me down and I swallowed hard reflexively.

"Edward...I..." I began, not sure what I was even going to say.

"Don't, just...don't say anything," he said roughly. His lips crashed down onto mine and I moaned against his mouth. He buried a hand in my hair and roughly kissed me until my head spun. I should have been pissed that he'd been so jealous and possessive tonight, but I wanted him so badly, I could hardly think straight.

"Damn it, Edward," I muttered against his lips. He pulled away from me, his eyes glittering dangerously in the bright lights of his loft. He grabbed my hand and dragged me up to his bedroom. I expected him to throw me down on the bed but instead he pushed me so I was standing in front of the railing.

"You're going to hold onto this, and you better hold on tight, because I am going to fuck the hell out of you." His voice was tight and strained as he whispered the words in my ear.

A shudder ripped down my spine and my eyes rolled back in my head at his words. I gripped the railing and pushed my ass back against him.

"Give me the best you've got." He lifted my skirt, yanking my panties down to my ankles. His fingers roughly brushed over my center, and across my wetness. I heard the clank of a belt, and the rasp of his zipper. There was the quiet sound of ripping foil and then I felt him. I cried out, unable to stop myself, at the rough push of his cock filling me.

"Harder," I snarled and he grasped my hair in his hand and tugged. "Come on, fuck me harder than that. Remind me why you're better." I knew I was playing with fire but I wanted to see Edward let go.

He didn't respond verbally, but the force with which he thrust into me was answer enough. I gasped and gripped the railing tighter, my knuckles whitening with the strain.

He pounded into me, relentless to the point that it was nearly painful. But there was also a pleasurable ache building inside of me. My stomach muscles clenched and I let out a wordless cry that seemed to echo in the silence of the apartment. I could hear the slap of his thighs against mine.

One hand moved around my body, grazing the side of my breast. His fingers hooked on my shoulder, digging into me as he used it to gain better leverage. His other hand moved to my clit, firmly pressing against it with no build up at all. The sudden stimulation made me gasp and buck hard against him, forcing him deeper. His breathing was strained and hot against my back, and I could feel it even through the fabric of my dress.

The tension in my body built until I could feel myself shaking against him. As always, the pleasure built and then hovered, waiting for the trigger that would send me over the edge. This time it was his voice, rough and harsh.

"I know your body. I know what it means when you bite your lip, what happens when I press right there just below your clit, the way you tighten around me when you're about to come. _I make you feel this way._ Not them."

I cried out, wild and uninhibited in my pleasure as my orgasm hit. My mind was clear and focused, consumed by the agonizing, burning satisfaction he brought me.

I collapsed forward onto the railing. Spent and exhausted, my legs were weak and trembling. I gulped in lungfuls of air and my heart hammered in my chest. He pulled out of me and I heard him walk away, and then the soft sound of the bathroom door closing. I stood up and had to reach for the railing again to steady myself, light-headed and shaky. As much as I hated to admit it, Edward was right. None of the guys I'd picked up in clubs or bars had even come close to making me feel as good as he did. Edward was like a drug to me.

When I no longer felt like I'd collapse, I shakily stepped out of my panties, leaving them on the floor. I staggered toward the bed and pulled my dress down; smoothing it with nervous fingers, unsure of what he was going to say. Edward returned from the bathroom and I looked up, staring at him as he walked toward me, shirtless, but still in a pair of pants that were hanging loosely from his hips. The man in front of me was wholly different from the one who had just roughly fucked me moments before. Something, some nervous tension still simmered in his body, but his face was wary instead of angry now. He watched me, as if expecting me to bolt.

I stared at him, not knowing what to say, only knowing that he was right. And that I wanted him again. He sat down on the other side of the bed. The few feet between us felt like miles, the tension awkward instead of heated.

He swallowed hard before he spoke. "I can give you what you need."

"What do you know about what _I_ need?" I asked, my voice harsher than I intended.

"I know you need the rush it gives you to find a guy and make him want you. To make him do exactly what you want. You draw him in and then push him away. You feel solace in the physical closeness and then hold him at arm's length emotionally. How many times does he get to touch you before you tell him to leave, Bella?"

I shook my head in denial, not wanting to admit to him just how fucked up I really was. "_How the hell was he able to read me so well?"_ I wondered. "It's not like that," I choked out denying the truth in his words.

"It's exactly like that," he retorted.

I looked at him, taken back by brazen honesty. "So what do you want? You want to be one of the guys I fuck and leave? You've already _been_ that guy, Edward. What did it do for you?"

He looked me in the eye and said, "No, I'm not."

"You're not what?"

"I'm not the guy you have and then push away. I'm the one you keep."

"I'm tired of your games, Edward, I'm going home," I said tiredly. I was ready to go and moved to stand up but he caught my wrist in his hand and held me there gently.

"No, you're going to hear me out. You seek oblivion in sex. That's fine. I'm here to give you that. Get rid of the rest of them and I'll make you forget everything you're running from."

I shook my head and swallowed hard, sitting back down on the bed. I did want oblivion; I wanted the rush to wipe my mind clean. But I didn't want to forget Riley. I wanted to remember him.

"You don't understand." I looked away from Edward, staring blankly at the other side of the room.

"Help me understand. How badly did he hurt you?" His words were soft, comforting.

"Who?" I asked.

"The man from your past who has you so twisted up in knots."

I turned back to glare at him. "You know nothing, Edward. He didn't hurt me. _I hurt me. I made him leave._ I don't want to forget him. I want nothing more than to be with him every waking second. You can't give that to me."

He drew in a sharp breath. "Then what do you want? What can I give you?"

"Nothing." I shook my head and stood up, walking toward the stairwell. I stopped at the top and turned to look at him. "You can't give me anything."

"Wait." He stood up and walked over to stand behind me. He stepped close, his body warm against mine and I felt a lick of fire down my spine. His hand came up to circle my upper arm and he spoke quietly against my ear. "I won't ask you about your past, or beg you to love me. All I want is to give you what you need. To make you cry out and shudder under me. To be the refuge you seek. The men you're using, they aren't enough for you. They aren't helping you, Bella."

"Why, Edward? Why are you doing this?" I struggled to hold myself together. The reminder of all I had lost when Riley left was overwhelming and the fact that Edward seemed to understand exactly what I needed from him was too much. I blinked back tears and took a deep shuddering breath.

"I can't stay away from you any longer." He was silent and when I didn't reply, he spoke again. "I'm sick of one night stands, Bella. Look, the chemistry we have is incredible, yes?"

"Yes," I admitted.

"I want that. But I also want someone I can see on a regular basis, go out to dinner with, take to museum events."

"So you want a girlfriend? I can't do that, Edward."

"No." He raked his hand through his hair. "Look, I know you're not ready for a boyfriend but that's not what I'm asking for. I just can't stand to see you do this to yourself any longer. Let me be the one that's there for when you need to escape-the one you call in the middle of the night, or take home from the bar. It doesn't have to be a big deal, Bella. Let _me_ worry about what I need out of this. Just give it a chance."

"So, what would we be?"

"You want to label it?"

"No… I don't know."

"If someone asks, we're seeing each other and it's nothing serious. Fuck, I don't care what we call it, call it whatever you want."

"I...I don't know, it just seems so..." I struggled to find the words.

"You like the physical aspects of one night stands, right?"

"Of course I do."

"We know we're compatible that way. I don't know about you, but I hate the awkwardness after, the question of do I stay, or do I not stay. I hate sleeping alone all the time, I hate going to events alone, and I hate not having someone to go out and explore the city with. I'm not in a rush to settle down, but I am sick of the random encounters. Why can't we have something in between?"

It did sound appealing, but I was so afraid of getting hurt. So afraid I couldn't even manage any kind of normal interaction with a guy. "I'm so fucked up, Edward. I'm not sure I'm even capable of managing that. The random guys were just…therapeutic."

"That's fine. I assure you I am very capable of satisfying you far more than they did."

"It's not that. I don't know how to even go about any of this."

"You let me give you the escape you need. You can stay or not after, just tell me what you plan on doing. And we'll go from there. Maybe dinner out next week. We'll just take it one day at a time." His hand cupped my cheek and he looked into my eyes. "What do you have to lose?"

What _did_ I have to lose? Edward was certainly right that he could more than satisfy me. The encounters with him had been infinitely more satisfying than the previous guys. The idea of someone to do other things outside the bedroom with was appealing. I did miss having someone to take to company events. Being the awkward single person in a sea of couples was excruciating. There were often restaurants, museum exhibits, and events throughout the city that I wanted to go to, but felt awkward and uncomfortable attending alone. I had enjoyed the afternoon with Edward at the park, and coffee and crepes at the café. He was a great guy that I honestly enjoyed spending time with.

I had considered dating, but I couldn't fathom the idea of opening myself up emotionally to someone else. Edward wasn't asking for a relationship, he wasn't even asking for any real commitment. Just to be here for me. He could satisfy my physical needs and this could be good for me.

"I have to think about it," I whispered, but I already knew my answer.

* * *

So what do you think? Edward finally said _enough_ and gave Bella something to consider. Think she'll take him up on it?

We adore all of your reviews, and look forward to each and every one. It means a lot to us to hear what you think. Today we'd like to do a special shout out to **daisycrazy, Chilly, tigger5600**, and **Kessafan** for the great and faithful reviews each week. Last week they were especially thought-provoking and spot-on, and we wanted to thank you for them!

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	17. EPOV Outtake - Advice, Straight Up

SURPRISE! It's only Tuesday and we are back with an update. This is an outtake from Edward's POV that falls after chapter fourteen. We hope you enjoy a look into his head and it clarifies how he feels about Bella.

A HUGE thank you to our speedy-quick beta's karenec and AshesAshes. They busted this thing out and got it back to us in less than twenty-four hours. We love you guys like crazy!

We have a couple of pics for this chapter!

Outtakes Banner:  i46*tinypic*com/1es7dh*jpg

Advice, Straight Up Pic:  i46*tinypic*com/2ekqhae*jpg

Liz Pic:  i45* /121g4qo*jpg

Disclaimer: _All publicly recognizable characters, settings, etc. are the property of their respective owners. The original characters and plot are the property of the author. The author is in no way associated with the owners, creators, or producers of any media franchise. No copyright infringement is intended._

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**Advice, Straight Up**

**EPOV Outtake**

Bella Swan. What a mind fuck. She was the most incredible woman I'd ever met but I couldn't figure her out. When we spent time together, things would be good between us for a few hours, and then something would send her running. It left me reeling, frustrated, and disappointed. Still, I couldn't shake my attraction to her.

She must have really been something before Riley broke her heart. Why the hell had he left her? I couldn't work it out, and she wasn't willing to tell me. I was caught in limbo, wanting to give her a chance but knowing that if I wasn't careful, she'd walk all over me. I tried my best to be patient, but sometimes I just wanted to snap at her. I wanted to tell Bella that he wasn't coming back, he was an idiot for leaving her, and she needed to move on with her life.

One night when I was feeling particularly wound up and frustrated by Bella, I called Liz, a woman I was casually seeing. My relationship with her wasn't anything substantial. We hooked up when we needed to unwind. There was no future for us, but we had fun when we were together. It was simple and uncomplicated. That night, Bella had me on edge and I just needed to get her out of my mind for a few hours. I wanted to help her, but I could only go so far before she had to deal with things on her own.

Bella and I met for lunch. I was a little wary, but she apologized for the way things had ended after I'd accompanied her to her company picnic. Things seemed to be going well; we were laughing and enjoying the day together at Fisherman's Wharf. I asked her to come back to my place, and she completely shut down on me. One second things were fine and then the next we were back at square one, as if nothing had changed. It left me confused. Emmett called later that day to ask if I wanted to go out with him and Rosalie and I figured why not. I wasn't going to let things with Bella ruin my night.

I meet up with Rose and Emmett at a club and we caught up over drinks. Rose had invited a friend of hers from college who happened to be in town, but the blonde, Jane, didn't really do much for me. She was smart, and though I found her quite beautiful, I wasn't interested.

I went to the bar to grab us another round of drinks, and by the time I got back, Jane had left. Apparently, she had an early flight in the morning and needed to get back to her hotel. Rose, Emmett, and I caught up a little more about where they were traveling to next, and I filled them in on my latest project at the museum.

When I got up to order some more drinks, Rose stopped me, saying they had to get going. They were only in town for a few days and needed to catch up on some sleep. The real story was probably that Rose was ready for some alone time with Emmett. They said their goodbyes and apologized for having to go. I gave Emmett a pat on the back and told him to have fun. He just laughed and led Rosalie away.

.

I was just contemplating whether or not I was going to stay and have another drink when my phone chimed with a message. It was Liz.

_**Have any plans tonight?**_

I smiled and replied. _**At the club, but my friends just left. Want to join me?**_

_**Sure, where are you?**_

I sent her a reply and went up to the bar to order a drink to nurse until Liz got there. While waiting for my drink, a woman approached me. I spoke to her briefly, but I didn't want to give her the wrong idea so I politely excused myself. I took a seat at a nearby table to relax and listen to the music.

A short while later, I felt an arm wrap around me and slide into my shirt, just under the third button.

"Hey, handsome," Liz purred and kissed my cheek.

I turned to Liz with a smile and let my eyes roam over her body. "Hey. You look great."

She really did. She was a tall, fit woman just a few years younger than me, with light brown hair and hazel eyes. We'd met at cocktail party one night and one thing had led to another. Liz arrived dressed in a white dress and tall heels that showed off her legs. I leaned in to brush a kiss against her cheek and her nails lightly raked across my chest, immediately causing my body to stir.

"Thanks. It's good to see you."

"It's good to see you, too," I said honestly.

She was an intelligent, successful woman, and no slouch in bed, but she didn't get under my skin the way Bella did. She didn't frustrate me the way Bella did, either.

I ordered Liz a drink and placed my arm on the back of her chair, occasionally letting my fingers brush across the bare skin of her shoulder as we talked. We kept the conversation light, and flirtatious. Her fingers running across my thigh felt good, and I knew that if I went back to her place tonight, I wouldn't be disappointed. Sex with Liz was always an excellent stress reliever.

The noise in the club suddenly got louder and I glanced up, catching the glitter of a bracelet on an upraised arm on the dance floor. For a moment, I swore I saw Bella. I blinked in surprise and squinted, trying to see if it was really her or if I was just imagining things. My eyes focused and I saw it _was_ her. She was dancing with a guy who looked barely old enough to be of legal drinking age.

Immediately, I turned away. The fact that she was dancing with another guy was really none of my business. I had no room to talk, not when I had a woman sitting next to me that I'd probably end up sleeping with later. Bella and I had no claim on each other, but I couldn't deny that I was jealous of the guy touching her, knowing she'd likely take him home tonight.

"Edward?" Liz said softly, gently squeezing my leg.

"Huh?" I shook my head. "Sorry, I thought I saw someone I know."

"It's fine. C'mon, let's get out of here; we can head to my place." She rubbed my thigh a little higher, lightly brushed her fingertips against my cock, and leaned in to whisper in my ear. "You're going to love what I have on under this dress."

The soft groan I released was genuine, and I grabbed her hand and stood, eager to get back to her place. We went to the bar so I could settle my tab for the night, and Bella and her date suddenly passed by, heading towards the door. What struck me was how solemn Bella looked. She wasn't laughing the way she did when we were together, and her eyes didn't sparkle. Her expression was flat, and although she was holding hands with the guy she was with, her other arm was wrapped around her midsection as if protecting herself.

I couldn't stop the wave of frustration that rolled through me. She was better than this. I could see it but _she_ couldn't, and she wasn't going to stop doing this to herself until _she_ did. I was afraid she wasn't going to see it until she got hurt.

My frustration with was irrational, and quite frankly, annoying, but I couldn't hide the irritation in my gaze as our eyes met. The guilt and shame on her face was so clear, but she didn't stop. Letting the guy pull her behind him, her eyes locked on mine and we stared at each other until the last moment when they walked out the door.

Once again, Liz had to get my attention. I was grateful when all she gave me was a curious glance but didn't ask about the woman I'd been staring at. I couldn't begin to explain Bella to her and really, with our arrangement, I didn't need to. I turned to face Liz and pushed Bella out of my mind. It wasn't my business what she did with anyone else. Even if a part of me wanted it to be.

"Are you ready?" Liz asked.

I looked at her for a moment before nodding. "Yeah, let's go."

**~LTOYL~**

"There's another woman you're seeing, isn't there?" Liz asked, wearing nothing but a sheet. She had it wrapped around her body as she walked me to her door a few hours after we got to her place. I'd been able to put Bella from my mind while I was in bed with Liz, but the moment I got up to get dressed, there she was, invading my thoughts once again.

I stopped in surprise at her question and turned to face her. "What makes you say that?"

"Well, the way you were looking at that girl at the club was hard to miss," she said dryly.

"I'm sorry about that."

Liz shrugged. "It's fine. I know what we are. Who is she?"

"Just woman I met at while ago," I answered. "It's … complicated."

"Are you dating her?"

"I have no idea," I said, my annoyance with Bella clear in my voice. "I have no idea if she wants anything to do with me to be honest."

"You're a great guy, Edward. I'm sure whatever happened between the two of you can't be that bad. You'll figure things out with her, and if you don't … Well, you know how to find me." She ran her hand through my hair and I smiled at her, grateful that things with Liz were so simple.

"I know. Thanks for tonight."

"Any time," she said with a smirk and leaned in to kiss me goodbye.

I left her place feeling satisfied, but a bit lonely. The sex was good, great even, but I didn't have any urge to stay, and I knew Liz didn't want me to either. It was entirely different from when I was with Bella.

Knowing my mind was too unsettled to sleep; I grabbed a cab and took it to Leah's place, needing to unload on her. It was convenient having your favorite local bartender as one of your closest friends.

When I got there, I shrugged out of my suit jacket and tossed it on an empty chair before unbuttoning and rolling up my sleeves. Leah caught one glimpse of me as I settled into a chair and raised her eyebrow. She grabbed three shot glasses and the bottle of Macallan she kept on hand for me and headed my way. The bar was nearly deserted, and a quick glance at the clock on the wall told me it was nearly closing time. Sam followed just a moment later. They took seats on either side of me and I reached for the bottle of scotch. In the morning, I'd probably regret treating the bottle of expensive scotch like it was cheap tequila, but I needed a drink and the advice of my friends.

Leah folded her arms and stared at me. "The bitch is back, isn't she?"

Leah had made no secret about her dislike of Bella or her opinion on how I'd been treated. "What makes you say that?"

"You only get like this when you're frustrated with her crazy ass," Leah replied and Sam snorted, rolling her eyes.

I sighed and scrubbed my hand through my hair harshly. "I _am_ frustrated!"

"Then move on, Edward. She's fucked up and not worth your time," Leah said, reaching for the bottle and pouring us each a round.

"I just feel like I could do her some good, you know?" I said, taking a shot. "There's this amazing woman inside her. She's fucking brilliant, and driven and fierce. It's all hidden behind the hurt, but it's _there_. I've seen it."

Sam sighed and placed her hand on top of mine, her blue eyes worried. "You can't save her, Edward. She has to do that herself."

I downed another glass. "I know. But what if I can guide her in the right direction? Remind her that she can move on."

"Is it worth getting hurt over?" Sam asked softly.

"Yeah, I think she is," I admitted.

"You don't normally have this kind of hero complex, Edward," Leah said sharply. "What the hell is it about this woman that has you so eager to do something stupid like this?"

"Because I can see who she must have been before her ex fucked her up. And God, Leah, that woman is exactly the kind of woman I want."

"What if you can't help her though?" Sam asked.

"I honestly believe that things can't get much worse than they are now," I pointed out and tossed back the contents of the last of the three glasses. "Almost anything has to be better than what she's currently doing. I can't get rid of the gut feeling that tells me I can help her."

Leah rolled her eyes and reached to re-fill the three glasses, this time downing one herself. Sam waved her off when Leah handed one her way and spoke again. "Okay, but what if you help her, and she moves on?"

"Then she moves on, and I know I've done the right thing."

"Jesus, that's awfully masochistic of you, Edward. You're in love with her, yet you're willing to let her just stomp all over your heart?" Leah snarled, taking Sam's shot.

I shook my head and downed the third. "I'm not in love with Bella. Not even close. Look, I like her. I'm intrigued by her, fascinated by her, yes. She's an enigma to me, and I have to admit, I find the challenge kind of exciting. If she can find her way through all the shit that's holding her down, I have a feeling we'd be great together. I see the potential there. I'm gambling on that. But I'm _not_ so invested that I'd be heart-broken if it all blows up in my face."

"I hope you know what the fuck you're doing," Leah said, offering to fill the three glasses up again with the amber liquor.

Sam nodded and downed a shot. "I do, too. I think it's wonderful that you want to help her, but be careful, Edward."

"I'm not going to seek her out," I promised. "But if I see her again, or she calls, I'm not going to sit by and do nothing. Maybe I should, but I don't think I can just write her off. I want to offer her a way to move forward."

"And what does that entail exactly?" Sam asked curiously.

"As a way to stop with the random guys, who are making her feel like shit about herself, I'll offer myself to her, instead. I know she's not ready for a relationship, but she needs to know that someone gives a shit about her." My voice grew louder in frustration and I was starting to feel the effects of the scotch. _How many have I even had?_ I wondered; I had lost count. Thankfully, the place was empty except for one guy slumped over in his stool at the end of the bar.

"Her mother is a real piece of work, too. She rips into Bella and puts her down and then rubs it in her face that her ex is gone. She seems to have no close friends, aside from the one she goes clubbing with. Even then, I get the impression they don't really confide in each other. Her father is her boss. He seems like a great guy, but I get the feeling she tries hard to pretend that she's all right and isn't falling apart. I don't think he has a clue how badly she's really struggling."

I took a deep breath, rolling one of the two shot glasses between my fingers and my palm. "I just want a chance to show Bella that things could be different. Remind her that she doesn't have to sleep-walk through the rest of her life just because her ex is gone."

"I hope you're the man for the job," Leah said reluctantly, "and that she doesn't break your heart in the process." She took the third glass and held it out for me to cheer. We clanked our glasses and she tipped hers back.

Leah stood up and walked over to the bar, stopping halfway to look back at me. "I'm stocking up on Macallan just in case she does. And you're going to owe me big time when you come crying to me about the way she's dicked you over."

I sighed and took a final drink of scotch, savoring the flavor on my tongue. Maybe Leah was right, but maybe, just maybe, she was wrong.

"Good luck," Sam muttered. "I think you're going to need it."

* * *

So there you go. What did you think? Is Edward where you thought he was? Don't hate too much on Liz, she fills a need for Edward but doesn't cause any damage.

A few of you have asked if we will be posting on Thursday since it is Thanksgiving. The answer is no. BUT, we will post on Wednesday of this week so we don't have to skip.

Happy Thanksgiving to all of you who celebrate it!

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	18. Chapter 16: Hope

It's us again, back with an update. Please give the song for this chapter a listen. It's by Blue Foundation, called "Bonfires"  youtu*be/O9kFnpBzeiQ and here is the pictease:  i47*tinypic*com/ng6qa8*jpg

**We posted an outtake from Edward's POV and hope you all enjoyed it. Go back a chapter and read it, if you haven't had a chance yet!**

Big thanks to our fabulous betas: karenec, LJ Summers, AshesAshes and jakeward. This story wouldn't be the same without you.

Disclaimer: _All publicly recognizable characters, settings, etc. are the property of their respective owners. The original characters and plot are the property of the author. The author is in no way associated with the owners, creators, or producers of any media franchise. No copyright infringement is intended._

* * *

**Chapter Sixteen: Hope**

After I left Edward's loft I took a cab back to my place. I was still trying to process what had happened with Edward that night. I shouldn't have been surprised to see him at Leah's bar, but I was. The toe-curling sex at his loft after had been a surprise, too. Edward had certainly been passionate before, but never that aggressive. Although it had taken me by surprise, it had been incredibly satisfying. None of it had even come close to surprising me as much as his offer.

I had done my best to stay away from Edward, assuming it was a relationship he was after. But if he was willing to date-or whatever it was we'd be doing-without pushing me for more, that was the best of both worlds. When the cab reached my building I snapped out of my reverie, paid the driver, and waved to Jacob in a daze without really seeing him. Once I was in my apartment, I stripped and settled into a hot bath, instantly closing my eyes once I relaxed back into the water.

Although Edward's possessiveness made me uncomfortable at times, he hadn't been entirely wrong. The random guys hadn't satisfied me, and although I'd been lucky so far, there was always a chance it wasn't always going to be a nice, respectful guy I brought home.

I could trust Edward. He wasn't pressuring me or demanding anything. Although several of our dates had ended badly, I could hardly blame him for that. He had been patient with me and I was the one at fault. When I hadn't been running in panic from him, we'd had fun together. He made me smile and laugh, things that had been lacking in my life lately.

The heat of the water soaked away the ache in my muscles and calmed my mind. I texted him once I was out of the bath to let him know I had made my decision.

_**Yes, I'll give it a try. **_

_**You won't regret it. **_

My heart beat faster at his words. I trusted him, and I was looking forward to seeing him more, but I was still slightly apprehensive about what was to come. I knew things had to change, I felt like I was stumbling through my days, barely holding myself together. Edward brought me balance, and made me hopeful that I would finally be able to get back on track. With things resolved, I crawled into bed, falling asleep almost immediately.

I slept deeply that night and woke up Sunday morning feeling refreshed and eager to run. Not as therapy, but for the sheer joy of feeling my muscles stretch and burn, to watch the sidewalk disappear beneath my feet and the miles pass by. After my run, I showered and dressed for the day, and threw myself into working on a case. I was working with a tricky legal situation and was eager to get my hands on it. When had I last been this eager to work? It only took a moment to realize, it had been before Riley had left.

Though it was work, it was something we had in common and both were passionate about. It wasn't unusual for us to get in a heated debate over a particularly controversial case either of us were working on, or a new piece of legislation that was on the table. Riley had such a strong political background and was always up on current events. It made for stimulating conversations. We often spent the weekends working on cases together, ordering takeout, and then collapsing in bed, exhausted but thrilled about our progress. It was something we shared that made us closer. I really loved my job and Riley had been a big part of making it that way.

I spent the day working and slept well that night. I dreamed about Riley and weekends we had shared in the past. But I dreamed about Edward, too. What moments we would share and how they would affect the next chapter of my life.

**~LTOYL~**

Edward had left the ball in my court and, although I thought about him often those first few days, I was still unsure about how things were going to work between us. I was too chicken to call him, so instead I texted him on Tuesday.

_**Want to do lunch one day this week? **_

_**Sure. Can't do Thursday, every other day free so far. You? **_

_**Wednesday works for me **_

_**Where do you want to go?**_

_**Surprise me. 12:30, okay? **_

_**Hmm, okay. And yes. **_

The beginning of my week was productive and I found myself looking forward to lunch with Edward. Wednesday morning I got another text.

_**Pick you up at 12:30. **_

_**Meet you in the lobby. **_

It was a simple message, but it still made me feel good. When I set aside my work at twenty after twelve and touched up my makeup, I couldn't help but notice I looked happier and more relaxed than I had in a very long time. My stomach fluttered with anticipation as I walked across the lobby to meet him where he was waiting by the doors.

His face lit up in a grin as he pulled me into a quick hug. I wasn't comfortable being too affectionate at work, but he seemed to understand. Instead of kissing me the way I suspected he wanted to, he brushed his lips across my cheek before stepping back.

I looked up at him, noticing the crisp white shirt he wore and the soft taupe suit. He didn't wear a tie and I wanted to press my lips to the thin sliver of skin that showed where his top button was unbuttoned.

"You ready to go?" he asked.

"Yes." Edward took my hand to lead me from the building to his car.

We made our way through the city, neither of us speaking any further and I was worried that things were going to be awkward between us now. I decided to make the first move and broke the silence.

"How was the rest of your weekend?" I asked finally.

"Good. I went to dinner at my parents' house on Sunday and spent the evening reading."

"That sounds nice. What type of books do you like?"

"It was," he agreed. "I'm fairly open-minded. I read a bit of everything. However, currently I'm reading a book called, _Mistress of Modernism: The Life of Peggy Guggenheim_ by Mary Dearborn. What about you?"

"What do I like to read? Oh, it's been ages since I've read anything other than legal briefs. But when I have time, I really like biographies or historical fiction. The occasional mystery novel, if I'm in the mood for something light and distracting."

"I'll have to loan you my book about Peggy Guggenheim after I finish reading it, I think you'd really enjoy it."

"That would be great. I can't promise I'd finish it any time soon though," I apologized.

"Oh that's fine; I am not in any rush. What did you do this weekend?"

"I went for a really great run on Sunday morning then spent the rest of the day working on a case."

"You really are a workaholic, aren't you?" he asked, smiling at me.

I chuckled. "Actually, I enjoyed working on Sunday, I was in a good mood, and it was an interesting case. I am a workaholic, but I do actually love what I do."

"That makes sense." He gave me a crooked smirk. "I have a confession to make; the book I was reading was research for work."

"You're every bit as much of a workaholic as I am," I teased. "It's just easier to hide since people think art is more fun than law."

"True," he admitted, giving me another lopsided grin that made my heart pound.

"So, where are you taking me?" I asked.

"Well, what I would really like is to take you back to my place..." He raised an eyebrow at me suggestively and my thighs clamped together at the memory of Edward bending me over the railing of his loft.

"_God, I want him,"_ I thought, dazed by the rush of arousal.

"Unfortunately, I have a feeling I'd never make it back to work if we did that," he added. "So I decided to take you to The Greens for lunch."

"I've never been there."

"It's at Fort Mason, right on the waterfront. They have great views of the bridge and were one of the first places in the bay area to serve vegetarian cuisine."

"Sounds great," I said, honestly. After we parked and got out of the car, Edward held his hand out to me. I hesitated for a moment.

"_Is it too intimate, too much?"_ I wondered. I shook my head, annoyed at myself for making such a big deal about something so simple. Edward had offered to give me what I wanted. I was in control of this, and if I wanted to hold his hand, I could. It didn't have to mean anything. When I slipped my hand into his, his fingers lightly squeezed mine.

Once we were inside the restaurant, he ushered me forward, his hand lingering on my lower back. I allowed myself relax against it.

"Reservations for two, Cullen, please," Edward said to the hostess.

"Right this way," she said after checking her book. She led us to a small table with a fantastic view of the water and Edward pulled out my chair. I took a seat and glanced around, liking the place immediately.

One side of the dining area was glass windows and the walls were a warm cream color with honeyed wood accents. The large beams overhead were interspersed with pendant lights creating a warm ambiance and artwork covered the walls. I nodded appreciatively at Edward across the table, pleased that he had brought me somewhere relaxed and comfortable instead somewhere pretentious.

"I love watching you," he said. I gave him a quizzical look. "The way you take everything in, and don't rush it, you're very observant. It's the same way you look at art."

"You're very good at reading me," I admitted, thinking of the way he seemed to understand my history with other men, even that first night we met. "Not just now, but in general."

He sighed and fiddled with the menu, frowning down at it. I had never seen Edward look so uncomfortable before. "I have a confession to make," he said.

"All right." I was a bit nervous.

"I had some inside information the night we met."

I quirked an eyebrow at his words, not sure what he was talking about. "What do you mean?"

"I was talking to Sam when I first saw you walk into the bar."

"Sam?" I shook my head in bewilderment; I had no idea who he was talking about.

"Yeah, the gorgeous blonde who works there. Leah's girlfriend."

"That's Leah's girlfriend? Wow, I never put two and two together. I've never seen them act like they're together."

Edward shrugged. "Leah likes to keep her personal and professional lives separate. She hired Sam and when she fell for her, she really struggled to let herself cross that line. But they are really good together. I like to embarrass her by reminding her of the time I caught the two of them all over each other in her office."

I chuckled but then sobered quickly. "You're really going to have to explain what you mean. What did Sam say about me?"

"I will. We should probably order first though," he said apprehensively.

"All right." I studied his face for a moment before glancing down at the menu. He had me slightly worried. Sam and I had never spoken or even shared any sort of conversation, so I was completely blind as to what she could have said to him. "Would you like to split an appetizer?"

"Sure. What did you have in mind?"

"The grilled peaches with _fromage blanc_, honey, and watercress."

"Sounds great."

We made small talk until the waiter arrived with water and we placed our orders, a grilled eggplant sandwich for Edward and heirloom tomato pizza for me. Once we ordered, Edward exhaled and sat back in his chair. I felt my stomach fill with butterflies waiting for his words.

"All right, let me start at the beginning. When you walked in Leah's bar, I was sitting toward the back, talking with Sam. I'll be honest, I was completely stunned by you and Sam saw how interested I was. She warned me off."

I frowned and Edward sighed. "I know. But she was just trying to look out for me. She knows I usually avoid one-night stands. She'd seen you in there enough to know you weren't there to pick up guys and that you came in occasionally to drink. But she also said she'd been talking to a bartender from Ruby Skye a while back. He said he recognized you. Called you a _femme fatale._ Said you took guys from the club home and broke their hearts."

I inhaled sharply, embarrassed to hear that someone had been gossiping about me. I winced, knowing how bad it could be for the firm if information like that got out. My reputation, and that of the firm were so important to me; I couldn't believe I'd been so reckless. I wouldn't have been able to live with myself if I'd done something to jeopardize the good standing of Swan and Volturi in the community.

"I don't know about breaking their hearts," I said, looking away.

"I guess the guy thought you were hot, but didn't approach you because he knew you weren't looking for anything but a one-night stand. Sam told me because she wanted to make sure I knew what I was getting in to."

"I guess that does explain some things. You seemed to have a very good read on me."

"Are you upset that I didn't tell you before?"

I thought about it for a moment before answering. "No," I said slowly. "A little miffed at her I guess, although, I can understand that she was just looking out for you." I couldn't disguise the self-loathing in my voice when I said, "And I'm kind of horrified by my reputation."

"I'm not judging you, Bella. We've all done things that weren't necessarily the best thing for us."

"Thank you," I said softly.

Edward held out his hand on top of the table and I placed my hand in his much larger one. He looked me in the eye, his face serious and thoughtful. "Just promise me one thing, Bella."

"What's that?"

"Be honest with me. I mean it when I say I don't want to put any pressure on you. This can be whatever you want it to be. But if I do something that you don't like, _tell _me. Don't run." I could see the flicker of worry in his eyes and I squeezed his hand to reassure him.

"I will," I promised.

He nodded, relaxing back in his chair. We moved on to other topics and by the time our entrees arrived we were laughing and joking with each other. The time flew by and when Edward paid and we stood up to leave, I realized I had no idea how long I had been gone from the office. I glanced at my phone and winced, feeling a little guilty.

"I don't think I've ever taken that long of a lunch before, except if I was meeting with a client."

He glanced at the time on a pocket watch and I grinned at the old-fashioned touch. It suited him. "Me either. Oh well, I set my own schedule, I can stay a little later tonight if I have to. Shelly is going to have my head though."

"Shelly?" I asked. Edward held the door of the restaurant open for me and we walked back to his SUV.

"Shelly Cope. She's the assistant for all four of the curators at the museum. I'm pretty sure it would stop running without her. She's amazing."

I felt the vaguest flicker of irritation at the way he was raving about her. "Oh?"

He shook his head, amused. "Are you jealous? Picturing some hot young thing transferring my calls..."

"Of course not," I huffed. He held the door open for me while I climbed in. Edward went around to his side, got in and as we headed out of the parking lot, he spoke.

"Well, rest assured, as much as I love the woman, my tastes don't run to women old enough to be my grandmother. She's been there forever."

"I am jealous that you have a good assistant. I want to strangle mine. Well, she's not really mine, thank goodness. She's just on loan until Gianna comes back. I can't stand the temp I have."

He pulled up in front of my building and put the SUV in park. "Gianna, that's very exotic sounding," he commented.

"Quite. She was born in Italy, although she's lived here most of her life. I actually do have a hot young thing transferring _my_ calls."

"So what's so bad about your current assistant?"

"I'm pretty sure she's hoping to snag herself a wealthy lawyer. And I've met carpet samples with more intellectual depth."

"Ouch." He winced. "That _is_ bad."

I glanced at the clock on the dashboard. "Sorry, I have to run; I have a meeting with a client in twenty minutes."

"That's okay." He gently captured the back of my neck with his hand, pulling me in for a quick kiss, his tongue stroking against mine briefly before retreating. "Have a good day."

"You, too," I said breathlessly. "Thanks for lunch."

"Anytime. Hey, before you go, have you been to the new California Academy of Sciences building?" he asked.

"No, I haven't had a chance."

"Would you like to go with me this weekend? I'd really like to go to a show at the planetarium."

"Yeah, I'd like that."

He came around to open my door, helped me out, and gave me another brief kiss before he stepped away.

"Have a good day, Edward."

"Thanks, you, too."

I touched up my lipstick and then rested my head back against the wall of the elevator as it whisked me up to my floor. I thought of how easy and enjoyable lunch with Edward had been. I was so used to slogging through my day without anything to look forward to or break the monotony.

When I got home, I changed into comfortable clothes and made spaghetti. After eating, I wondered into my home office with a glass of wine. I stared at my bookshelf remembering the conversation earlier with Edward and suddenly got the urge to read something that wasn't a law book. I reached out blindly to pick one, opening the front cover to see a scrawled message from Amanda.

_Happy Birthday, Izzy, I hope you like this; it's one of my favorites!_

_-Mander_

Mander was the nickname I'd had for her when we were younger and she had called me Izzy. For the most part we'd dropped the nicknames as we'd gotten older, but we still teased each other with them occasionally. I curled up in the armchair in my office and stroked the cover of the book. I missed Amanda. We'd drifted apart when I was in law school, both of us overwhelmed by our busy lives. But I saw her during the holidays and we spoke occasionally on the phone. Several years after she had finished her degree, she had moved back from New York to San Francisco to be with her family more. Riley and I had just finished at Georgetown and were starting at Swan and Volturi. We grew close again in those few years and it wasn't until Riley left that things fell apart. Amanda was angry with me for letting him leave, somehow blaming me for his move back to D.C. Truthfully, I suspected she was taking her anger at Riley out on me. The worst part was that after he left, I needed her more than ever.

I cared about Vanessa, but we were never close in the way Amanda and I had been. I had always assumed that Amanda would be my sister-in-law. Losing her and Riley's parents had been a huge blow. Riley's parents hadn't held a grudge against me, in fact they were adamantly his move was the best decision, too, but they had told me I was welcome to visit them at any time. I couldn't quite bring myself to do it. I missed them, but at first, it was too painful to relive all of the memories of Riley and me together, and the closeness we'd had. By the time I thought I could stomach it again, I felt awkward and uncomfortable contacting them out of the blue.

I flipped to the first page and began reading, immersing myself in the book. It was fascinating, and by the time I looked up at the clock, it was nearly midnight. I groaned, knowing I'd be tired in the morning when I got up for my run. But it had been nice to get away from work for a few hours, to think about something other than work, Riley, or my routine.

**~LTOYL~**

Edward and I spoke several times over the next few days. I found myself eagerly checking my phone for messages from him. They were usually inconsequential, a quick note to say "hi" or ask how my day was going. They never failed to lift my spirits. I tried to reciprocate, taking the initiative to contact him every so often. We made plans for Saturday and,although I tried to keep my focus on my clients the rest of the week, I often found myself thinking about our upcoming trip to the planetarium.

I arrived fifteen minutes earlier at the California Academy of Sciences. Edward got there just a few minutes after me. I was glad I wasn't the only eager one. He was in a boisterous mood, sweeping me up into his arms to kiss me soundly. I giggled, my own mood buoyed by his exuberance. I let my lips linger against his for a moment and then pulled back, beaming at him as I slipped my hand into his. The smile he gave me in return was dazzling. He paid our admission and led me to the wing where the planetarium was located. He gently ushered me into the row ahead of him before he took a seat next to me. When his arms slipped around my shoulder, I fished in my purse, needing to put some distance between Edward and me, a little overwhelmed by the intimacy of the moment. I pulled out my phone to turn my ringer off and noticed Edward do the same. Once the theater was filled and the lights dimmed, we both relaxed back in our seats.

I watched the presentation in fascination and could hardly take my eyes off the screen. It wasn't really what I was expecting to see when Edward had asked me to go to the planetarium but it was very interesting. The presentation focused on how we all began, how life could be traced back to the matter that once was our entire solar system. It was amazing to try to wrap my brain around.

In the darkened room, I felt my breath catch in my throat when Edward's leg pressed against mine. I glanced over at him, watching the dim light play over his face, illuminating the angles and planes. When he turned his head to face me, I looked away, unsettled by the intensity of his gaze. His hand came to rest on my thigh and I jumped, startled by the unexpected touch. I had been so captivated by the show I felt as if I was still in a daze, but I didn't push it away. I glanced down, noticing just how much of my thigh his hand covered. His hand was warm even through the fabric and I felt it seep into my skin, relaxing me. His thumb began to rub soft little circles on my outer thigh until I let myself relax into his touch.

I turned my focus back to the screen though my body was still keenly aware of Edward's hand. My mind began to wander; I found it focusing less on the presentation and more on what his hand was doing. At the end of the show, I was disappointed when his hand left my thigh and I quickly threaded my fingers through his after we stood up. We hadn't made any concrete plans for the rest of the day and I didn't really want to go back to my lonely apartment.

"If you don't have anywhere you have to be, would you like to go to the de Young museum with me?" I asked. Edward's smirk was all the answer I needed and I laughed in delight.

"You do realize asking me if I want to go to an art museum is like asking a drug addict if they want another hit, right?" he joked as he set off down the sidewalk to walk the short distance to the museum.

"Am I going to have to stage an intervention?" I asked.

"Only if I turn down time with you to go to a museum." His grin was wry. "You have no idea what the thought of you and the museum at the same time does to me though."

"Ahh, well I can guess. Please try to keep your hands to yourself when we're there, I really can't get arrested for public indecency," I teased him.

"Yes, well, neither can I. Although it is far more tempting than I'd like to admit." His thumb stroked across the center of my palm, making me shiver.

"Maybe after the museum we can go back to your place," I offered. When Edward's eyes met mine, his heated, hungry gaze made me bite the inside of my cheek, trying not to picture him nestled between my thighs.

The tension between us settled to a low simmer as we spent the afternoon enjoying the museum. He was in his element, telling me details about both the pieces of art, and the artists who had created them. It was like having a personal tour guide. I found his passion for art incredibly appealing; the eloquence and fondness with which he spoke of each piece made me want to kiss him. I did once, after we'd finished studying the American Paintings Collection. It was only once we were interrupted by a very embarrassed pair of older women that I reluctantly let him go, breathing hard and shocked at just how turned on I was.

Edward's eyes met mine as I looked up at him. The look on his face was a curious mixture of amusement and desire as he brushed his thumb across my cheek.

"I think we got a little carried away there," he said.

"I think we did, too. There's just something about your passion I find fascinating," I admitted.

"Remind me to save the art lectures for when we're back at my place."

"That might be best," I said ruefully.

I stepped back from where I was pressed tight against him but I didn't let go of his hand. "What time is it?"

Edward pulled his pocket watch out to check the time. "Seven-fifteen."

"Wow, it's later than I realized," I said, and he nodded in agreement. "I like the watch, by the way."

"Thank you; it was my great grandfather's." He held it out to me so I could inspect it carefully. It was a soft, burnished gold with an elegant scroll pattern on the outside cover. The inside cover held a sepia photo of a young couple, it looked like a formal portrait from their wedding. I noticed at once how much Edward looked like the man in the photograph and commented on it.

He nodded. "I was named after him as well. That is Edward and Elizabeth Masen on their wedding day."

"It's beautiful," I said.

Edward pressed a kiss to my forehead and looked down at me. "I'm glad you came today."

"I had a great time."

"How about dinner? If I haven't monopolized too much of your time."

"Dinner sounds good."

"Any thoughts?"

I shrugged. "Something casual is fine with me."

"Chinese?"

"Yeah, that sounds great. Do you have anywhere in mind?"

"I know a great little place in Chinatown."

We headed to our cars, and I followed Edward into Chinatown to pick up dinner then back to his place. We ate on his couch, talking about the past week. I found myself smiling while I watched him surreptitiously. He was so easy, open, relaxed, and comfortable with me. I realized that he had been holding himself at a bit of a distance in the past, but this Edward was unrestrained. He touched me when he wanted to, kissed me when he felt like it. By the time we had polished off the cashew chicken and cracked open our fortune cookies; I was more than ready for him to drag me upstairs to his bed.

It was playful, nothing like the previous times. When I came hard, my thighs shook and my fingers clutched his shoulders. Edward wasn't the love of my life, but he was good for me. He made me feel happy again.

We lay in his bed for a while, talking quietly while he idly ran a finger across the skin of my upper arm. After a while, I sighed, kissed him briefly, and sat up.

"I think I'm going to head home now."

He nodded and we both stood up, searching for the clothes we had so hastily thrown off earlier. I wasn't ready to stay the night, and when I apologized for it, Edward shushed me.

"It's okay. You don't have to stay. Thank you for being honest with me."

I nodded, relieved that there was no hurt on his face, only open, relaxed acceptance. He was standing just a few feet from me, dressed in a pair of pants with his shirt still unbuttoned. Impulsively I crawled across the foot of the bed to him, wearing only a pair of underwear and a bra. I reached up for him, winding my arms around his neck. I kissed him slowly and softly, before pulling back. "Thank you."

"For what?" He tangled his fingers in my hair, his arm flexing around me. I ran a hand across the smooth planes of his chest and his other arm wrapped around my waist, pulling me to him.

"For suggesting this."

"The trip to the planetarium and dinner or giving something between us a shot?"

"Giving something between us a shot. It's good. I feel good."

"I'm glad," he said softly. "Seeing you smile, like you have today, it makes me feel good."

I kissed him before reluctantly pulling myself from his arms. "I should go."

A small part of me wanted to stay. Today had been wonderful, and I was in no hurry to return to my empty apartment. But I wasn't quite comfortable with staying either. I knew if I changed my mind Edward would happily let me sleep in his bed, but I wasn't really ready for that yet.

Maybe it didn't mean anything to Edward, but it did for me.

After I finished dressing, he walked me out to my car giving me a quick kiss goodbye. I rolled down the window before I pulled away.

"I'll call you this week, okay?" I promised.

He gave me a quick kiss and said, "I'd love to see you, but if it's too much, that's okay. No pressure, Bella." His eyes were serious and thoughtful, and I nodded gratefully.

"Night, Edward," I said softly.

"Night, Bella."

**~LTOYL~**

Although I wanted to, I wasn't actually able to call Edward until late that next week. I was busy with cases and he was silent as well, trying to give me some space, I assumed. Finally, Thursday night I had a few moments to myself, so dialed his number.

"Hey, Bella," he answered, sounding exhausted.

"Hey, are you all right?"

"Wiped out." He yawned. "I'm in New York, working with some people on a possible collection for next year."

"Oh," I said, surprised. He had mentioned getting together this week. "I didn't realize you were going out of town."

"I didn't either until yesterday. It came up unexpectedly and I'm completely wiped out. Thankfully, I will only be here for two more days."

"Long hours?" I asked, a little disappointed that I wouldn't be able to see him for a few more days.

"Yes. It's been brutal. Plus, I caught the red eye out last night and I can't seem to catch up on my sleep." He yawned again.

"Do you want me to let you go?"

"No, I'd rather talk to you for a while. How is your week going?"

I smiled realizing just how much that simple, thoughtful question affected me. "Really well. Busy with a case, which is why I haven't called you until tonight."

"It's all right, Bella."

"Thanks," I said softly. "Hey, while I'm thinking about it, how do you feel about going to a black tie charity ball with me?"

"When is it?"

"The Saturday after next."

"Sure. I'll have to double-check my calendar, but I should be free."

We spoke for a while longer, but I could tell he was fighting to stay awake. His voice was soft and sleepy. When he whispered, "wish you were here with me," I felt my heart beat a little faster in my chest, picturing him rumpled and dozing, warm under the covers. Suddenly, I wanted to be there, curled up beside him. I hated how torn I was over the issue. Maybe someday I'd be willing to fall asleep beside him, to spend the night at his place. I had never intended to fall asleep in Edward's arms the first two nights. The memory of it made me feel guilty. Besides, although they were less frequent, I still was having nightmares about losing Riley. I could only imagine how Edward would feel if he woke up to me screaming Riley's name.

When nearly every sentence he spoke was interrupted by a yawn, I said goodnight. He murmured it back, already half-asleep. I hung up the phone, a little overwhelmed by how comfortable I was getting with Edward. He made me feel good, but it bothered me, too. I didn't want to rely so much on Edward. The other shoe had to drop at some point. It couldn't really be this easy to be with him, could it?

* * *

**Notes:  
**

So things are good, right? Bella is making progress and perhaps seeing what a wonderful guy Edward really is.

If you haven't already put the story or us on alerts/favorites, do so! There will be a few EPOV outtakes along the way as things come up, that won't necessarily be posted in any order. We will make sure to tell you where they fit in along the timeline though. Currently Riley is screaming. Would anyone be interested in hearing from him?

We mention the California Academy of Sciences, specifically the Morrison Planetarium. I'm a bit of a nut for places like this, so I encourage you to go check it out if you get the chance. The entire academy is a lot of fun. ~K

Let us know what you think and we will see you next Thursday with the next chapter. Have a happy Thanksgiving and go see Breaking Dawn Pt. 2 if you haven't already. It will make you fall in love with the saga all over again.

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	19. Chapter 17: Passion

Our fabulous betas are karenec, LJ Summers, AshesAshes, and jakeward. They make us laugh, they make us cry, they make us want to poke our eye… Okay, that was terrible; I'll stop now and let you read. ;)

Pictease: i50*tinypic*com/20z88lx*jpg

Chapter Song: "The Nearness of You" by Norah Jones youtu*be/8We0SwZHd9A

Disclaimer: _All publicly recognizable characters, settings, etc. are the property of their respective owners. The original characters and plot are the property of the author. The author is in no way associated with the owners, creators, or producers of any media franchise. No copyright infringement is intended._

* * *

**Chapter Seventeen: Passion**

The following Saturday, Vanessa and I spent the afternoon shopping for a dress for the benefit. I went through dozens, hating most of them. They were either too revealing, more suited for a nightclub than a ball, or too matronly. I wanted something elegant, but sexy, too. It wasn't until I tried on a black pleated halter dress that I fell in love. The bodice dipped into a low V that managed to cover just enough and yet leave a tantalizing slice of skin bare. The back was bare as well, sweeping in a gentle curve low on my back. I could practically feel Edward's fingertips against my skin already. When I stepped out of the dressing room Vanessa's jaw dropped.

"Holy shit, I'd do you."

I rolled my eyes at her and laughed. "You like it?"

"I love it. You look incredible. God…your legs look amazing; you're going to knock him dead."

"Knock who dead?" I feigned indifference.

"Your mystery guy—Edward, right?"

"How do you know I'm taking him?"

"Because if you'd been going alone you sure as hell wouldn't be showing that much skin. And unless you're holding out on me, I don't think you've picked anyone else up lately, either."

"Damn it, you know me too well. Yes, Edward is going with me."

"I still want to meet him, you know," she chided me.

"Yeah, yeah…." I rolled my eyes at her again and changed out the dress, loving the way it flowed around me as I walked, exposing teasing glimpses of my legs. Edward was going to love it.

**~LTOYL~**

When I opened the door the night of the benefit, Edward's jaw didn't quite drop to the floor, but it was close. I heard him inhale sharply and saw the way his fingers tightened on the doorframe as he leaned against it. His eyes raked over me and I felt a chill of excitement across my skin. My nipples tightened instantly at the heated look in his eyes, as if his gaze was an actual physical touch.

He shook his head lightly, as if trying to clear his thoughts. I stepped back, my eyes never leaving his and he followed me inside, closing the door behind him with a quiet click. He stepped forward until he was just inches from me and gently traced his thumb across my jaw and down my neck, careful not to disturb the loose curls gathered into a low bun. "You are absolutely stunning," he said in a low voice that seemed to rumble.

He leaned in, skimming his nose across my cheek and up into my hairline. "I want to kiss you so bad," he whispered in my ear, his voice fervent and heated.

"I haven't put my lipstick on yet," I whispered, suddenly desperate to have his mouth on mine.

"Oh, thank God," he groaned. The kiss was searing, and by the time he reluctantly pulled his mouth from mine, I was shaking.

"I guess I should go put it on now," I said, trying to control the quaver in my voice. I reluctantly pulled away from him and his hands lingered around my waist, equally reluctant.

I walked over to the mirror and heard Edward groan. "Your legs in that dress...those shoes...are you sure we have to go?"

"Unfortunately," I lamented. He moved to stand behind me and I looked up to see our reflection in the mirror. With some surprise, I realized we looked good together.

"Why don't you want to go?" he asked.

"I'm feeling less than enthusiastic about dealing with my mother tonight," I lied. "I'm very sorry you will have to put up with her."

"You're worth it."

His thumb rubbed gently across my upper back and I shivered. It was true that I was dreading dealing with my mother, but it was more than that. Riley and I had been going to this gala for years. I had so many memories of him there, and I was afraid I'd break down and ruin our evening. I closed my eyes and steadied myself. I desperately wanted a nice evening with Edward, without my past interfering.

"Let's go." I turned to him, really looking at for the first time that night. "You look pretty good in a tux you know?" He looked so different from Riley. Riley had been gorgeous in a tux, but Edward was breathtaking. It wasn't the fit; Edward's tux was clearly custom tailored just like Riley's had been. Edward looked like he was built to wear tuxes. I'd never seen anyone outside of an old movie actually look debonair before.

"Thanks."

He helped me with my wrap and offered me his arm to escort me downstairs. It was a beautiful evening out and I felt a thrill of excitement mixed with anxiety rush through me when Edward helped me up into his car. We hadn't seen each other since the trip to the planetarium. By the time Edward got back from New York, I was swamped at work and we hadn't been able to find any time to get together. We had called and texted each other sporadically, but nothing of much substance. I realized I had missed him. On the drive to the benefit, we caught up with each other. He was excited about the exhibitions he was working on for the upcoming year, and he listened attentively while I told him what I could about my cases.

We arrived at the Fairmont Hotel and Edward escorted me inside. Every time I stepped into the elegant lobby, I was awed by the architecture and design. It never failed to astound me.

We made our way upstairs to the ballroom and to our assigned table. My parents were already there, and although my father greeted us warmly, Renee was just as cold as I'd expected. My father hugged me and told me how beautiful I was, offering his hand to Edward. Renee's frosty greeting was far removed from that. She gave me a cool air-kiss on the cheek and spoke. "Are you sure that's really an appropriate dress to wear to this, Isabella?"

"I think she looks lovely, Renee," my father chastised her. I bit my tongue to stop myself from telling her about the revealing dresses I had passed over for this one.

"It's nice to see you again, Mrs. Swan," Edward said, giving her a smile that could have melted stone. Then again, with all of the surgery Renee's had, I was starting to wonder if that was possible.

"I'm sorry; I don't remember your name." The look she gave him was dismissive, as if to say he wasn't worth remembering.

Edward's smile dimmed marginally. "It's Edward, ma'am."

"Hmm." She looked away and I took Edward's hand to lead him towards the bar. I was going to need at least a couple of drinks to get me through the night. Spying a waiter with a tray of champagne glasses, Edward snagged two and handed me one.

"Are you all right?" he asked quietly.

"Just infuriated with my mother." I took a sip and closed my eyes, the bubbles tickling my throat as I swallowed.

"Hey, it's okay. I'd prefer if your mother liked me, but I'm not going to let her get to me. And someday my charm might just wear her down. I hate that she puts you down though." He brushed a strand of hair away from my cheek and I wound my fingers through his.

"I'm used to it," I said. I had grown accustomed to Renee's behavior. The thing that bothered me was her attitude toward the people around me.

"You shouldn't have to be. You are amazing," he said warmly.

I took a deep breath, letting his words wash over me, and sink in. "We're going to have a great time tonight. Just find an excuse to get me away from her for a few minutes if I start to look like I might stab her with the seafood fork."

He chuckled and placed a kiss on my cheekbone. "I will."

We rejoined my parents at the table, and Edward and my father fell into an easy conversation. Thankfully, Renee was distracted by another couple at the table who were often seen on the society pages of the _San Francisco Chronicle_. He was an architect and she was a fellow socialite like Renee; they seemed to be hitting it off fabulously so I was spared her attention.

I glanced around the room; every inch of it was so familiar. Riley and I had gone to the Black and White Ball for years and it was always in the Gold Ballroom. Although I generally preferred simple, modern styles, I loved the over the top opulence of the Fairmont. Every inch of the ballroom was gilded in ornate scrollwork. There were elaborate chandeliers and sparkling crystal china.

During a lull in the conversation, I reached below the table to touch Edward's thigh. He turned to me, his expression sheepish. "I think I'm boring your father with my art talk."

I shook my head emphatically. "Not at all. He really likes you, Edward. Believe me. He may not personally be fond of modern art, but he's incredibly supportive of the arts in general. And he's very impressed with you."

He glanced over at Charlie, who was now speaking with the architect, and said, "I hope so."

I rubbed my thumb across the firm muscle of his thigh. "You're doing great."

We spoke quietly together as we ate dinner, and I did my best to tune out my mother and focus on Edward. By the time the dessert was on the table and we were sipping our drinks, I was feeling flushed from the wine. The room seemed to sparkle. When Edward rested back in his chair, draping his arm against the back of mine, I followed suit. He rubbed his thumb across my bare back and I suddenly wanted to kiss him. A twist of Renee's lips as her gaze passed scornfully over Edward made me quash that impulse. The music changed to something up-tempo and the bandleader announced that the dance floor was opening up.

"Would you like to dance, Mrs. Swan?" Edward held out a hand to my mother and gave her the most charming look.

"No, thank you," she replied coolly.

"Bella?" He invited, moving his hand to me.

"I'd love to." I took his hand and he gently squeezed it, holding onto it as he wrapped his other arm around my waist and escorted me to the dance floor. With a gentle tug, he turned me and I found myself in his arms. Fred Astaire couldn't have executed it better. His arm tightened around my waist and his fingers clasped mine firmly as he began to move. I was not at all surprised to find that Edward was a fantastic dancer.

As we turned around the dance floor, I dropped my head slightly, feeling ashamed of my mother's behavior once again. "I'm so sorry," I apologized.

"For what?" He slowed our steps slightly and reached for my chin, urging me to meet his eyes.

"For my mother; she is being so rude to you."

He squeezed me gently. "I'll survive. Besides, you were the only one I really wanted to dance with." He pulled me closer and his lips tickled the outer edge of my ear, making me shiver.

"I'm not the consolation prize?"

"Never," he said fervently and picked up our gentle pace again.

The music was old-fashioned and somehow suited the evening. All thoughts of my mother's disapproval faded and I lost myself in Edward's arms. He moved fluidly, coaxing me to move with him. I reveled in the feel of his warm hand on my back, and his other hand intertwined with mine. I spun out, laughing as he twirled me to a faster song, and when it segued into something slow and dreamy, I moved willingly back into his arms, our temples pressed together.

"Are you enjoying yourself?" he asked.

"Yes, thank you for coming with me."

"I'm glad you asked me."

I knew he meant more than the obvious. He was really thanking me for giving him a chance. I hummed quietly in agreement and closed my eyes, letting the music wash over me. I was disappointed when the song switched to something up-tempo again and I reluctantly drew back from him. He smiled faintly, as if he understood.

"I should probably go mingle a bit."

"You don't sound very enthusiastic about that," Edward observed.

"I'm not," I admitted. "It's my least favorite part about these events. I don't mind meeting new people, but the mindless chatter and politicking that happens at these things exhaust me."

"Mmm, me, too. It's why I'll probably never go after the director's position at the museum. I want to spend my time with the art, not schmoozing people to get them to give me money. Then again, I suppose nothing is set in stone, I may feel differently in twenty years. Life changes and we adapt."

I looked at him with some surprise. Edward was an intriguing combination of self-confident and ambitious, yet he seemed unconcerned about the unknowns in his future.

"Yes, I suppose that's true," I said somewhat absently, still thinking about what he'd said. I had always had a concrete plan for my future, which was just one more reason that Riley leaving left me feeling completely shattered.

"So, shall we?" Edward asked.

"Yes. But I require a glass of something a tad stronger than champagne before we do this."

He grinned widely at me and I laughed. "I will do my best to satisfy your desires."

Edward excused himself to the bar and I scanned the room to get my bearings. He returned shortly with two glasses of amber liquid over ice. "I even found you Drambuie, how did I do?"

"Exceptionally well." I hesitated before I reached for one. "The question is: do you remember which is which? I'm assuming the other is your Scotch."

"It is, and I'm fairly confident your drink is the one on the left."

"Fairly confident isn't saying much," I teased, "and is it your left, or mine?"

"My left, but I'll even brave the taste to be sure you get what you want."

He took a sip from the one on the right. "This is Scotch, I was right."

I took the drink in his left hand and took a sip, pleased that he'd found it for me. "Desire satisfied, thank you, Edward."

"You're welcome" —He leaned in closer to me and spoke in my ear, his lips tender against my skin— "but I hope I haven't completely satisfied _all _of your desires. Because I certainly have several of my own that aren't even close to being sated yet tonight."

"What's that?" I took a sip of my drink, a little larger than the first; glad he couldn't feel how fast my heart was beating.

"I want to spread those long, beautiful legs and devour you until you beg me to stop."

I turned to look at him and my eyes dropped. His lips were just centimeters from mine; glistening with a trace of the Scotch he'd just swallowed. "Remind me again why we have to stay," I asked breathlessly.

"Because I'm fairly sure your mother will hate me even more if I drag you out of here."

"Right now, I couldn't care less what my mother thinks of either of us."

"Okay, then how about for your father and a little bit of networking for the firm?"

I sighed, acknowledging he was right. "All right, let's mingle."

Edward and I spent the next hour talking with society wives, self-important businessmen, and politicians. It was tedious as usual, but Edward made it more bearable. He was charming as always, while still managing to remain sincere. Although Edward had them eating out of his hand, he was very clever and never actually said anything that that I felt he didn't mean.

It was different from Riley. Riley played their game and pretended to be the man they wanted him to be. It didn't bother him to flatter people and pump up their egos. Then again, Edward wasn't trying to charm them for his own sake. Riley was always politicking himself at these functions. It was the one thing we hadn't seen eye to eye on. I supposed it was what made him so successful in society and politics, but it was where I fell short. I was neither willing, nor capable of sucking up to these people, because frankly, I didn't care. I wanted Riley and the firm to be a success, which to a certain extent did mean courting the upper levels of San Francisco society, but I wasn't angling for my own social standing. It was clear Edward wasn't either. After the umpteenth conversation with yet another socialite, I politely excused us. "I think I need to get some air. Edward?"

He nodded and ended his conversation. "It was nice meeting you."

With the formal goodbyes over, I gratefully followed him outside and onto the rooftop deck.

We walked quietly through the garden, hand-in-hand, the music filtering through the night air and mixing with the tinkling sounds of the fountain. There were several small clusters of people talking quietly, and Edward and I made our way over to the railing to take in the view of the city. I shivered as a breeze swept across the garden and Edward slipped out of his tux jacket to settle it around me.

"Thank you."

"You're welcome." He pressed his lips to my temple and I melted into him.

"And thank you for getting me out of there; I was going a little crazy."

"I could tell. Anyway, I don't mind a few minutes alone with you out here in the garden."

"Mmm, me either. This is nice." He stepped back and led me over to the bench. I was only half-paying attention to the music when I heard the song change. I sat upright immediately and turned toward the door we had just come from.

"You all right?"

I reminisced silently. "Yeah, the song just ... brought back some memories."

"Good memories?" Edward prodded.

"Yes," I said quietly.

"Would you like to dance? Out here in the garden, I mean."

I shook my head. "No, I'd rather just sit here and listen, if that's all right."

"Of course," he said seeming slightly bewildered.

I laid my head on Edward's shoulder and, after a moment, I spoke. "This song was our song. Riley's and mine. We used to go to this gala every year, and he always requested it. God, the first year we came I was so nervous. It was the first big event I went to as an adult. Riley was brilliant, so charming, and knew just what to do to make me relax. He always knew how…. He didn't leave my side, the whole night… Every year we'd dance to this song and he'd sing the lyrics in my ear."

"That sounds special. He sounds like a nice guy," Edward said and I nodded, comforted by his words. We listened to the song and when it was over, I sat back.

"Thank you, Edward."

"For what?"

"For being so good to me. I know I've probably given you whiplash with my mood swings. And you've been so patient with me."

"I don't think you understand, Bella," he said cautiously. "I couldn't stay away from you if I tried."

I leaned forward, pressing my lips to his and he responded. Gently cupping my face in his hands, his lips and tongue explored mine, until I was overcome by the sweetness of the moment.

He pulled back, rested his forehead against mine, and spoke softly. "I'm glad you could tell me about Riley. Don't ever hesitate to do that. It's obvious he was a huge part of your life and I'm not trying to replace him, Bella. You're an amazing woman, and I just want to be a part of your life."

I blinked back tears at his words. I was tired of running from Edward, tired of holding him at arm's length. I didn't want to keep ruining a perfectly nice time together. I wanted to be happy again. And _Edward_ made me happy.

I kissed his lips again and composed myself after my revelation. I suddenly really wanted to leave and just be alone with Edward. We returned to the gala a short while later and I reluctantly handed Edward back his jacket, missing his warmth and scent immediately. The party was clearly winding down and more than half of the tables were empty. Yet still, my mother complained when we made our way to their table to say goodbye.

"Really, Isabella, do you have to duck out so early? You've hardly spoken with anyone tonight. Edwin has monopolized your evening."

I bit the inside of my cheek to keep from blurting out the first thing that popped into my head; after I'd composed myself I replied, "Edward. And I think we've spoken to everyone who matters."

She compressed her lips. "If you're sure."

"Everyone of influence has left," I assured her.

"Have a good rest of the night," Charlie said and he swept me up in a strong hug. "You looked beautiful and I'm glad you brought Edward." He spoke the last part tenderly into my ear and I was happy he approved, even if my mother didn't. He shook Edward's hand warmly and my mother kissed my cheek. She merely nodded at Edward.

When we finally escaped and were outside in the cool, foggy air, I let out the breath I felt like I'd been holding all night.

"She drives me crazy," I said, when the valet had brought Edward's vehicle around and we were settled inside.

"Your mother?" He took my hand in his and his thumb stroked soothingly against mine.

"Yes."

"You are far more like your father," he said, clearly trying to be tactful.

"She's awful, Edward. She's awful to you."

He shrugged. "Nothing I can't handle."

"I just don't understand it. How can anyone not like you?"

He looked over and grinned at me. "I don't know; you didn't seem terribly fond of me at first either."

"You...unsettled me," I admitted. "It wasn't that I disliked you. I didn't like the way you pushed my buttons."

"And now?"

"Now? I think I just might like you, Edward Cullen." His expression softened, the happiness lighting up his face.

When we arrived at my building, he pulled into one of the guest parking areas inside the connected ramp. By the time I had gathered up my bag and wrap, he was out of the car and had my door open for me. He held out his hand and I took it, carefully getting out. Despite my best efforts, the dress slid higher up my thigh and I saw Edward wet his lips. I felt my heart thud in my chest, not wanting to wait the ten minutes it would take to get upstairs and into my apartment.

He held my hand as we walked through the lobby and I felt the excitement of anticipation as we walked to the elevator. I wanted to touch him, slowly peel off his tux, and let my lips explore every inch of Edward's body.

"Good evening, Miss Swan," Jake said. "Sir."

Edward returned his greeting and I nodded absently at him. Jake had marginally thawed toward Edward now that I was no longer bringing any other men home.

Once in the elevator, Edward drew me into his arms and I rested comfortably against him. His breath kissed against my ear, and it stirred the hair along my neck, making me shudder. I tilted my head to the side so he could have better access. Once we reached my floor, we went to my apartment. I was surprised when he didn't follow me in, but remained at the threshold.

"Aren't you coming in?" I asked him, suddenly disappointed.

"I was just walking you to your door; I didn't know if you wanted me to come in."

"I'm not ready for the night to be over, Edward," I said and I held out my hand. He took it and I tugged him inside, locking the door behind us. His fingertips glided across my hips as I walked down the hall, dropping my purse and wrap onto the entry table. He followed me into the living room and I turned to face him. His arms wrapped around me, low on my hips, pulling my body flush against his.

"I'm so glad. I've wanted to touch you all night," he whispered against my ear, sending chills skittering down my spine.

"Thank you for coming with me." I wound my arms around his neck, burying my fingers in his hair and kissing along his jaw. "You made the night so much better."

"I had a great time." He tilted his head back and my lips moved down his throat, smelling the clean, fresh scent of his cologne.

"Touch me, Edward," I pleaded.

"Where?"

"Anywhere," I replied and he pulled back to look me in the eye. The side of his finger brushed lightly against my temple and down over my cheekbone. His lips followed, barely applying pressure, but it was enough to make my heart speed up in my chest. I closed my eyes when his lips touched mine, and the gentle coaxing of his mouth made me whimper. His lips were unhurried, firm, and smooth and when his tongue brushed against mine, I leaned into him, grasping the lapels of his tux to hold myself closer. His fingertips traced tiny swirling patterns across the bare skin of my back with one hand, while the other gently cupped the back of my head.

Edward's touch was gentle but passionate and I responded with equal desire, reaching up to untie his bow tie and drop it to the ground. I unbuttoned the first two buttons of his shirt, slipping my hands underneath to touch his warm skin.

"I want to taste you," he whispered.

He led me over to the chair in the living room and I sat down hesitantly, not sure of what he wanted. He dropped to his knees in front of me, and his warm hands came to rest on my thighs.

He lifted one foot and began touching his lips tenderly to the inside of my ankle before making his way up my leg.

"I have been fantasizing about this all night."

"Me, too," I said shakily. His tongue trailed up my inner thigh as his hands moved along the outside. He moved to the other leg and repeated the teasing torture. My dress fell open, revealing all of my legs to him and he licked his lips. I swallowed hard at the sight of him kneeling before me, still dressed in his tux, worshiping me. He gently worked the shoes off my feet, his warm fingers tickling my skin. He looked up at me, placing his hands on my knees and I shifted in the chair; my body ached for his touch.

I parted my legs, my heart hammering in anticipation. "Lean back and scoot forward."

I did and his hands moved up my thighs, the cool air in the room a sharp contrast to his heated touch. He gently removed the tiny scrap of lacy underwear I'd been wearing and slid his hands under me, lifting me to his mouth as he lowered his head. The first touch of his eager, wet tongue made me gasp and I wound my fingers through his hair, crying out his name.

He was slow and teasing, making me gasp and writhe against his mouth, completely overwhelmed by his touch. My head fell back against the chair and my mouth opened; hushed, whimpering sounds were the only noises I could manage. His lips and tongue gently coaxed me toward an intense climax that left me shaky and flushed.

"Edward," I said and he lifted his head, his eyes meeting mine. "Take me to bed."

He stood immediately and took my hand leading us to the guest room. We slowly undressed each other; first, his jacket hit the floor, followed by his vest and then my dress. I stood there naked as I slipped the suspenders from his shoulders and unbuttoned the rest of his shirt. Easing each one from the buttonhole and then moving on to the next, his eyes never left mine; Edward stood in front of me, his hands at his sides, completely at my mercy. I pushed his shirt off and trailed my lips across his warm skin, from the smooth muscles of his chest and up to his shoulder. I worked the button loose on his pants and slid the zipper down, the sound filling the quiet room. I pushed his pants down and helped him slide his boxer briefs to join them on the floor as he took a seat on the edge of the bed and removed his socks and shoes; finally, he was bare before me.

I stepped forward, standing between his thighs and his fingers curled around my hips as he placed a tender kiss between my breasts. I gently pushed him back onto the bed and stretched out over him, my body covering his, his arousal pressed against my stomach. He rolled us over until I was lying under him and his mouth moved to my nipple, the wet warmth engulfing my senses. He gently swirled his tongue around it before sucking lightly and I arched up to him, needing to feel him inside of me. He switched to the other side and I watched him unabashedly in the light filtering in the window. When he was thoroughly satisfied, he sat back and grabbed a condom from the bedside table. My legs wrapped around his hips when he pushed inside me, and I clutched his hair in my hand, gasping at the feeling of him filling me.

"Edward," I said weakly.

His lips met mine in a deep, intense kiss and he began to move. It was as slow and tender as our first night together, but this time I didn't try to fight it. Instead, I welcomed it. We moved together effortlessly and I didn't try to quiet the sounds of pleasure that left my lips. I could feel his muscles flexing against me, and the whispery touch of his lips as they moved down my throat and to my shoulder. He buried his head there, tucked against the crook of my neck and I could feel his lips against my skin. He whispered my name, softly, and I tightened my legs around his hips, wanting to feel him deeper. It felt like we could go on forever.

But with a sudden deep thrust he gasped and threw his head back, his jaw clenching as he came. The change in angle toppled me over the edge and I came apart under him, the pleasure gripping me so hard I couldn't even speak.

Edward rolled us over and I could feel my body wanting to fall asleep almost immediately. I felt him pull out to dispose of the condom before turning back to me and gathering me into his arms. With my head on his chest, the steady rhythm of his heart calmed me as his fingers gently combed through my hair. I fell asleep easily without questioning how natural it felt to sleep in Edward's arms.

I awoke several hours later, panting and shaking from a nightmare. Edward was still sleeping beside me and I untangled myself from him, my eyes filling with tears at the memories of the dream. Not wanting to disturb Edward, I quickly got out of bed and wrapped a robe around my shivering body. Gently closing the guest bedroom door behind me, I walked to the living room and reached for a soft blanket to wrap around me. Muffling my sobs with my hands, tears spilling down my cheeks as I curled up on the couch. It had been one of the worst nightmares about losing Riley yet. It wasn't the typical nightmare of Riley being hurt or killed, or disappearing. It was worse. In the dream, Riley was cold and distant. Telling me he was going to leave. I begged him to stay but he told me he didn't love me anymore, and that he was in love with someone else. The casual indifference with which he walked away had destroyed me.

A part of me wanted to wake Edward and let him pull me close and soothe me. But the dream left my emotions too raw. Instead, I sat in the living room for hours, trying to calm myself. Eventually I fell asleep and, in the morning, I awoke early and peered in the guest room to find Edward still sleeping peacefully. I paused in the doorway, feeling remorseful for leaving Edward the night before but I wasn't really sure how to handle it. A part of me was tempted to just slip into bed beside him, but I felt awful after the night I'd had and wanted to clean up a bit. I grabbed Edward's discarded tuxedo shirt and went to shower. I grimaced at my reflection in the mirror. Maybe it wasn't quite so bad that I hadn't woken up next to Edward this morning.

I showered and dried my hair before I put on a little makeup but couldn't quite bring myself to get dressed. Instead, I slipped on Edward's shirt and went to the kitchen to make coffee. I sipped it while I gathered things for breakfast. I had just slipped the eggs from the pan onto plates and was buttering toast when warm arms wrapped around my waist and lips kissed the back of my neck, making me shiver with pleasure.

"Morning," he whispered in my ear.

"Morning, Edward."

"I missed you last night. The bed was cold."

I turned around in his arms and reached up to smooth down his hair. "Well, you were snoring," I lied. I pushed against him, backing him up against the counter.

"Liar." He kissed me anyway, tasting minty, and I was glad he'd found the mouthwash I'd left on the bathroom counter for him. His fingers found the top button of the tux shirt and undid it. "This is a good look on you. I might loan you my shirt again."

"I might let you take it off me again." He undid another button, his lips following down the path he made as he slowly moved down by chest. By the time he finished, I was panting and eager. He dropped his pants, fishing a condom out from his pocket before they hit the floor. He moved to the floor as well, sliding down so he was sitting with his back to the cabinets. He coaxed me down with him so I was straddling his legs and I knelt over him, burying my hands in his hair, and kissed him. When the condom was on, I sank down over him, gasping at the way he filled me. We kissed as I rose and fell over him, his hands gripping my bare backside.

I reached up and clung to the edge of the countertop, throwing my head back with pleasure as I came. I collapsed forward, my head coming to rest on his shoulder.

I realized he was still hard within me and I straightened up to look at him. "You didn't…"

He shook his head and gave me a slow grin. "Not yet."

His fingertips curled around my backside and I made him gasp when I clenched my inner muscles tightly around him. "Won't take long though. Do you think you can come again?"

I nodded and slipped a hand between our bodies, letting him control the rhythm of my hips. Two fingertips on my clit in a firm circular-motion had me throwing my head back with pleasure and Edward cried out when I shuddered and ground against him. "Oh, God." I gasped, overwhelmed by how intense it was.

"Bella..." He panted, his fingertips digging into my hips as he held me tightly against him. I watched him come, his eyelashes fluttering, his breathing fast, his face a mask of agonized pleasure.

"You feel so good," he groaned. He relaxed his hands, delicately rubbing my skin as if apology for how hard he had been gripping me. One hand came up between my shoulder blades and he pressed me forward until I collapsed onto his shoulder again. His fingers idly played with the ends of my hair as we rested there for a moment.

After a moment, I lifted myself off him and moved aside, gasping at the feeling of the cold floor against my bare skin. I re-buttoned the shirt and we both stood up. "I'll just go clean up," he said and I nodded, heading for the bathroom near the entryway of the apartment to do the same while he used the one in the guest bedroom. Edward returned just a moment or two after I did, dressed in the tux pants and a white undershirt. I poured him a cup of coffee and handed it to him before I finished making our plates.

Instead of taking a seat at the counter, or taking his plate to the dining room, he sat on the floor near my feet and grinned up at me. His hair was disheveled from my hands and he looked rumpled and sexy.

"Our breakfast is going to be a little cold," I apologized, turning to look at Edward. He was staring at my bare legs and I nudged him with my foot. "Hey, are you paying attention to me at all?"

"Just to your legs. Sorry," he apologized, running a hand up the outside of each thigh. "Have I ever told you how fantastic they are? I'm obsessed with them."

I smirked and carefully balanced the plates as I took a seat on the floor next to him. I handed him his plate and fork and he took them with a murmured thanks. "Thank you, and yes, I can tell you're obsessed with them. What I said earlier was that breakfast would be kind of cold, and I'm sorry."

"Oh, it's fine. Thank you for making it."

"You're welcome."

He took a bite of egg and then spoke again. "Do you want to tell me why you really left the bed last night?" he asked.

I took a moment, thinking of my response. "I'm sorry, Edward—"

"Hey," he cut me off, rubbing his thumb across my knee, "just talk to me. Am I really that horrible to sleep next to?"

I laughed. "No, of course not." I took a bite of toast.

"Is it because of Riley? Is that why you don't like to stay the night with me?"

Once again, Edward read me all too well. I nodded. "It's just…I know it's messed up, but some things are hard to let go of. It's one thing that Riley and I had-we always shared the same bed. Having that with someone else…it's like letting another part of him go. I'm just not sure I'm ready for that."

"Bella, it's okay. I don't want to make you do anything you aren't okay with. I like falling asleep next to you and it would be nice to wake up to you, but if you aren't okay with it, that's fine. And if you change your mind at some point, and you _are _okay with it, tell me. Remember, just be honest with me."

"I will," I promised. "When I woke up alone this morning, there was a part of me that really wished I was still in bed with you. I'm glad you stayed."

Edward looked pleased and he leaned forward to kiss me. "I'm a patient man, Bella, I don't want to rush you."

We set our half-eaten plates aside and I curled up on his lap, combing my fingers through his hair. We sat in the kitchen for a long while, talking softly, kissing.

"I should probably get going. I have plans with my friend Emmett, and his wife Rosalie. I need to get home and shower before I head over to their place."

"All right." I stood up and helped him locate the rest of his tux, slipping into my robe as I handed him his shirt. Dressed in tuxedo pants and a wrinkled shirt, unbuttoned at the throat, he still looked incredible, though I was glad he was the one doing the walk of shame and not me. I kissed him goodbye at the door to my apartment and watched as he palmed the doorknob. He hesitated as if he was going to say something, but instead opened the door, giving me a wink just before he walked out.

* * *

I don't know about you, but picturing Edward in a tux always does things to me. Let us know what you think; we love to hear from you! We'll see you next Thursday with chapter eighteen!

Story shoutouts: _Love, Save the Empty_ by AshesAshes, _Client Number Five_ by hollyholiday, and _Try_ by Shellshock. Show them some love and tell them we sent you. ~xo

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	20. Chapter 18: Confusion

Just so we're clear, we liked Alex Clare before he got all main stream. Most of you probably know him from the song "Too Close" but for this chapter we would like you to listen to "Relax My Beloved." It has a lovely haunting feel to it that goes rather nicely. ;) youtu*be/6TQBd_pYyYk

The club we mention is called _Temple_ and their dance floor is pretty awesome. Check it out: i47*tinypic*com/2d0yl2r*jpg

Thank you to karenec, LJ Summers, AshesAshes, and jakeward for your super spiffy master-batering skills. Yeah I know, I spelled it wrong, but it's funnier this way. You ladies rock our socks!

Disclaimer: _All publicly recognizable characters, settings, etc. are the property of their respective owners. The original characters and plot are the property of the author. The author is in no way associated with the owners, creators, or producers of any media franchise. No copyright infringement is intended._

* * *

**Chapter Eighteen: Confusion**

The following week passed quickly. I felt productive, like I was finally feeling a little more like myself again. Edward and I talked on the phone a few times and I found myself looking forward to his occasional texts that said he was thinking about me.

We went out for lunch again, although we managed to take a shorter lunch than the last time. When he dropped me off at my office building, he asked me about the upcoming weekend. I remembered I had made plans with Vanessa.

"Come dancing with Vanessa and me tomorrow night," I said impulsively.

He turned his head to look at me in surprise. "Um. . . I . . . All right."

"I mean, if you want to. It's not a huge deal, but I'd like it if you came. Just to warn you though, Ness is—" I paused "—Well, she's a bit over the top."

"What do you mean by over the top?" He looked at me curiously.

"It's hard to explain. I envy her sometimes. She's completely full of life and nothing gets to her. Her family is old money from the east coast. They are determined to get her to settle down with someone well connected and 'appropriate'; she's determined to go out and enjoy her life. She's a brilliant criminal lawyer—I wouldn't be surprised if she made partner someday—she's just very exuberant about everything. Be warned, she will hit on you."

"Why? Am I her type?"

I snickered. "I think Ness's only 'type' is male. You should see her flirt with Jacob."

"He's got to be at least eighty."

"Like I said, I don't think she has a type," I said dryly. "She flirts shamelessly with him and he just eats it up. If he were just a little bit younger, I shudder to think what they would get up to."

He laughed. "It probably makes his day – makes him feel young again."

"That's true. I'm sure it gets lonely. He was widowed four or five years ago. They were married for a long time. He just has his daughter, Emily, and his nephew, Seth, now."

Edward nodded. "Well, I'll do my best to resist Vanessa's charms; I'd really like to go dancing with you."

**~ LTOYL ~**

I left work on Friday at five p.m. on the dot, and Bree gave me a surprised look when I walked past her. Usually she left long before I did.

"Have a great weekend, Bella!" she called out.

"Thanks. You, too, Bree."

I hurried home to eat a quick dinner before showering and getting ready. I finished just a few minutes before Edward arrived.

When I opened the door to my apartment, he shook his head. "You look sinful in that. Please promise me tonight will end with those amazing legs of yours over my shoulders."

I shivered at the image his words created. "That is a promise I can definitely keep," I said huskily.

Edward looked equally delicious in his black suit pants and black shirt. On many guys, the same outfit would have looked boring but it made his grey eyes look especially intense and I tugged him forward by his lapel to press a heated kiss to his lips. He took my hand, winding our fingers together.

"What was that for?"

"You look good."

"Glad you like it." When he kissed my forehead, I could smell his cologne, crisp and light. I felt myself flush, thinking how I wanted to drag him into my apartment rather than go out with Vanessa tonight. I dragged my fingertips along his jaw; it was soft and smooth. I wondered if he'd shaved just before he came over here. "You smell good."

"Mmm, so you do."

"Are you ready to head out?" he asked and I nodded.

I gathered up my purse, not bothering with a wrap. It had been warm out that day; If I got cold, I knew Edward would be willing to loan me his jacket.

Temple Club was just a few blocks from my apartment, so we opted to walk, taking the time to catch up on our week. Vanessa was already at a table when we got inside and she stood up to hug me excitedly.

"I am so glad you made it. I see you brought a friend." Her eyes gleamed at the sight of him. I smirked, amused by her enthusiasm. I hadn't told her Edward was coming.

"Yes, this is Edward. Edward, this is my friend, Vanessa."

She gave him a long look up and down and turned to me. "Well done; he's delicious."

I snickered and Edward blinked before chuckling lowly in surprise. "Thanks, I think."

"Oh, it's definitely a compliment, honey," she assured him.

We sat down, ordered drinks, and the conversation flowed easily. He asked her a little bit about her job at Swan and Volturi, and how long she'd lived in San Francisco. She was enthralled with him and I started getting a little antsy when she kept resting her hand on his forearm. He kept politely letting it slide off, and it wasn't long before we were sitting very close. I had a hand on his thigh and his arm was around my shoulders. It suddenly occurred to me that I was jealous of Vanessa flirting with him, even though it was something I had expected to happen. Vanessa flirted with everyone. She had flirted with Riley incessantly, although I never thought for a moment she'd actually make a move on him. She wasn't a home wrecker, just a flirt. Although I knew Edward wouldn't take her up on it, it bothered me a little that she was so into him.

After a few drinks, Vanessa looked right at Edward and spoke, "Bella and I are going to go gossip about you in the bathroom."

"You have no tact, Ness. We'll be back in a few, Edward." He shook his head at us in amusement.

She practically dragged me into the bathroom then whirled around to face me.

"Oh my God, Bella; that man is edible. How on earth have you managed to go anywhere in public with him? I wouldn't be able to keep my hands off him."

I giggled. "He _is_ pretty hot."

"Pretty hot? That is absolutely the understatement of the century. I want to lick him up one side and down the other. Please tell me he has a big cock."

I shook my head at her although I couldn't hide the amusement in my voice. "Do you really have no verbal filter at all?"

"You've known me for how long?" she asked. "I have never had a verbal filter. I'm not about to start now. Anyway, answer my question or I'll be forced to find out for myself."

"Fine." I rolled my eyes at her. "Yes, it's rather large," I admitted. "And keep your hands off of Edward."

"Getting territorial I see." Her eyes gleamed at me and I rolled my eyes.

"No, I just know what a skank you are, I wouldn't want you to give him something nasty," I teased her.

She gasped in mock-horror. "You bitch; you know I am always careful." She grinned at me to show there were no hard feelings. I grinned back. "Anyway, if you get sick of him, send him my way."

I turned to the mirror and touched up my lipstick. "I think I'll keep him around for now."

When we got back to the table, I scooted my chair just a bit closer to Edward and he brushed his fingers along mine. "So, what's the consensus?" he asked.

Ness gave him a flirty look. "You're hot as hell and I'd take you off Bella's hands if she gets sick of you. Oh, and according to her, you have a big cock."

Edward snorted, sliding his arm around my shoulder. "Well, I'm hoping she won't get sick of me." He leaned in to whisper in my ear. "Did you really tell her that?"

I shook my head a little. "Not really. She asked, I merely confirmed. I certainly wouldn't have brought it up otherwise," I said quietly, a little embarrassed that he knew we were gossiping about him.

He laughed and kissed my cheek, seemingly unfazed. "As long as you're satisfied." I shivered when his nose lightly brushed along the skin of my jaw. The heat within me built until I flushed from head to toe.

"You know I am." His nostrils flared when I dragged my nails across his thigh. "Want to dance?" I asked him teasingly.

When we were on the dance floor and he was moving against, me I relaxed. I hadn't realized it, but I had been apprehensive about Edward meeting Vanessa. For one, small shameful moment I had been worried that he would find her more appealing than me. It wasn't that she had a better body than I did, or a prettier face; we were both attractive. However, Vanessa was vivacious and fun in a way I would never be. Although I shouldn't be jealous of her, I was.

"So, what do you think of Ness?" I asked him.

"She's hilarious. I can see why you're friends. You seem more light-hearted with her."

"Yeah, she's been good for me. I was pretty anti-social for a while. She was the one who got me out again."

Edward tenderly kissed my forehead and I soaked in the feeling of his soft lips against my skin. "What you and I have is good, too," I admitted. "I feel better than I have in ages."

"I'm glad."

When we resumed dancing, I felt myself let go, really just enjoying the moment. Most of the time when I was out, I was thinking about what was going to happen at the end of the night. Wondering if I'd take someone home with me, how it would go with him and how awkward it would be after we had sex. But being here – dancing with Edward – made it easy, everything was just fun, like it was supposed to be. I didn't have to think about any of that. I knew Edward would come back with me to my place, and we would spend the night satisfying each other. It was freeing.

The song changed to "Looks Like Sex" by Mike Posner. I wound my arms around his neck and kissed him, letting his thigh slip between mine. The throbbing beat and rhythmic bass line on top of the dirty lyrics aroused me and I moved against him, wanting to feel his touch all over my body. His fingertips caressed every inch of skin that the dress left bare. I pulled him closer, deepening the kiss. I could feel he was aroused as well, and his tongue teased mine, making me moan against his lips. My body ached at the feel of him moving against me, remembering all of the times he'd made me cry out with pleasure. Dancing at the Black and White Ball had been nice, but it was subdued and designed for polite company. It wasn't at all like what we were doing now. Edward's breathing was ragged, his lips hot as they trailed down my throat. His teeth took tiny little nips at my skin, not hard enough to leave a mark, just enough to send a small jolt of pleasure through my body. I saw Vanessa out of the corner of my eye dancing with a guy and she winked at me.

I rolled my eyes at her then turned my attention back to him, pressing my lips to his smooth jaw. The song changed to something slow and sultry. It took me a moment to recognize Alex Clare's "Relax My Beloved". Edward's body slowed and he grabbed my hips, guiding me to move with him. I closed my eyes, tilting my head back as his lips teased the soft skin behind my ear. My nipples were hard and I could feel myself shameless rubbing up against his erection, wanting to feel it inside of me. The heat from the club made the scent of his cologne more intense and I breathed it in, feeling myself grow light-headed and flushed. I hadn't abstained from drinking tonight, but the three drinks certainly weren't what was making my head spin. I lifted my head and met Edward's heated gaze.

"Do you want to get out of here?" he asked, his voice low and rough.

"Yes." My voice was equally ragged and desperate sounding. We pulled apart and I tilted my head at Vanessa. She excused herself; stepping away from the guy she was dancing with. She hugged me and spoke in my ear. "I'd say go do something I'd do, but I don't think you need any encouragement."

I nodded in agreement and she flirtatiously said her goodbye's to Edward. I was grateful that she didn't hug him because in the mood I was in, I might have clawed her eyes out. I wanted him, and the thought of another woman touching him irritated me.

She leaned forward to speak to Edward, but it was loud enough for both of us to hear. "Go give my girl the fuck of her life; she needs it."

He gave me a heated glance. "I think I can handle that."

With a wave of her hand and saucy toss of her hair, she rejoined the guy on the dance floor. We headed back to my building. Although we tried to make small-talk, the need to touch each other made the conversation a little awkward. The moment we were in my apartment, he kissed me, his tongue seeking mine. He was aggressive, like the time he'd fucked me over the railing at his place. But this time it wasn't punishing at all, just desperate. I eagerly responded and we stripped out of our clothing on the walk down the hallway to the bedroom. I was buzzed from the drinks and the dancing. My body felt loose and pliable in his hands as he positioned me on the bed and slid into me.

Three condoms later, when I was sprawled out on the bed, my limbs heavy, chest heaving with exertion, I turned to look at Edward. He was equally exhausted, but the lazy smile he gave me made my heart skip. "You certainly took Vanessa's suggestion to heart."

He rolled onto his side with a quiet groan and put his hand on my hip before leaning down to kiss me. "Like I said, so long as you're satisfied."

"What about you?"

"What about me?"

"Are you satisfied?" I asked.

He propped himself up on one elbow and looked down at me. "This was fantastic, Bella. I love seeing you laugh and let loose."

"Well . . . I meant tonight, in bed."

He gave me an incredulous look and the low throaty sound he made in his throat was enough to convince me he was. "Yes, quite satisfied."

When the sweat on my body finally cooled, I shivered. Edward flipped the sheet back over me and sighed. "I should go."

It was hard, I didn't really want him to leave, but I wasn't ready for him to stay either. "I don't want you to feel like you have to rush out of here," I said hesitantly.

"I don't. I have plans first thing tomorrow morning though, so I should get home."

"What do you have planned?"

"My sister's husband is opening up a new office. The grand opening is tomorrow. I promised to get there early to help set up."

"What kind of office?"

"He's a pediatrician."

"Oh, that's nice."

"It was until I realized I need to be up at seven tomorrow." He grimaced and looked at the clock. It was nearly two a.m. already. By the time he got home, he'd be lucky to get four and half hours of sleep. "So as much as I hate to leave a beautiful, naked woman in bed, I'm afraid I have to go."

"Okay."

He stood up, groaning and stretching a little. I got out of bed and grabbed my robe, wrapping it around me while he dressed. "I'll walk you to the door."

"You could have stayed in bed." He wrapped his arms around my waist and gave me a slow, lingering kiss.

"I have to get up and shower anyway." I tried to be nonchalant. Honestly though, I just didn't want to let him go quite yet.

At the door he gave me a kiss. "Call me this week?" he asked.

I readily agreed. "Of course. Just to give you a heads up, things are going to get a little crazy for me. I have a huge case coming up, so I'll be working long hours and fairly busy on the weekends. If I don't have a lot of time, don't take it personally, I promise I'm not ignoring you."

"That's fine. I understand. I appreciate you letting me know."

He gave me a final kiss before he left, as if reluctant to let me go, and a beautiful lopsided smile as he walked away. I closed the door, showered, and then went to bed still feeling dizzy with thoughts of Edward.

**~LTOYL~**

We talked on and off throughout the week, texting and talking on the phone occasionally. We were both busy with work, so we had no time to meet for lunch or dinner.

I had a major negligence case against Price Industries pending, several meetings with the client scheduled that week, and an upcoming trial date to prepare for. I had been enthusiastic about the case initially, but as the week progressed, I became less and less sure about it. My client's story was starting to show holes and with a sinking feeling, I began to doubt the truth of what he was telling me. I poured over the file, desperate to find something, anything that would give the case a more solid foundation, but it was in vain.

By the time I left the office on Friday, I was a frustrated mess. Even after I was home, and had eaten dinner, I was still struggling to unwind. I felt keyed up; anxious and unable to shake the stress of the week off. But I had done everything I could to deal with the case and all I had left to do was wait.

When it was nearly midnight, I was still pacing after a second glass of wine. I gave in to the urge I'd had the entire evening and called Edward. But four rings in, I was starting to wonder if he was going to answer_. I probably should have just texted him,_ I realized. I really hoped he wasn't asleep.

I was just about to end the call when I heard a sleepy voice say, "Hello?"

"Edward? Uh, hey."

"Bella?" His voice was soft and a little bewildered sounding and I instantly felt guilty that I woke him up.

"Hey, I'm really sorry I woke you. Go back to sleep, okay?"

"No, it's fine. I fell asleep on the couch actually. You okay?" I heard a muffled groan, then rustling, then silence.

"Yeah, I'm fine," I said automatically then corrected myself. "Actually, no, I had a shitty day. A case with a client is falling apart. For some reason, I just can't seem to get over it."

"You want me to come over?"

"You don't have to, I mean, I didn't mean to wake you up. I'm sure you're tired and just want to go to bed …."

"I didn't ask if _I_ wanted to come over, I asked if _you _wanted me to come over."

I hesitated for a moment. "I … I don't know."

"Hey, tell me what you want. Please," he coaxed softly.

"I want you to come over," I admitted.

"See, was that so hard?" he teased. "I'll come over in about half an hour; I'll call when I get here, okay?"

"Okay."

If my anxiety and pacing had been bad before, it was doubled while I waited for him to get to my place. In an attempt to distract myself, I wandered around my apartment to make sure everything was in order. Condoms were in the guest bedroom and there were clean sheets on the bed. I hopped in the shower to shave my legs; carefully I made sure my body was smooth and soft. I debated what to wear; finally settling on an impossibly-soft jersey baby doll chemise. It had a plunging neckline, ended mid-thigh, and was a gorgeous coral color. I had surprised myself when I'd picked it up a few weeks before, but something about the color appealed to me. I slipped it on, and worked a little product into my hair so it would dry nicely. I checked my phone, surprised to see that only twenty minutes had passed. When I called down to the desk in the lobby, Jacob answered.

"Uh, Jacob, this is Bella in 25; can you send Edward upstairs when he gets here?"

"Who?"

"Isabella Swan in 25F."

"No, I know who you are, I'm not an idiot. Who am I supposed to send upstairs?"

"Edward. Remember, he's the tall one with the dreadful hair? Actually, he's the only one now … but, never mind. Do you know who I'm talking about?"

"Yeah, idiot who kept leavin' you messages."

"That you failed to give me," I reminded him. "Look, just let him up to my apartment, okay. Please, Jacob?"

"Sure, sure. I'll let him up."

"Thanks."

I paced restlessly while I waited, stopping to inspect the polish on my toenails and wonder if I needed to go get a pedicure sometime soon. I was interrupted by a knock on the door. I made my way over and yanked it open, surprised by how eager I was to see him. He was rumpled and still a little sleepy, with his hair wild and untamed looking. He had on a pair of jeans and a T-shirt, with a leather jacket over top. He looked younger, less carefully groomed, and professional. He leaned against the doorframe with a half-smile.

"You look edible." His voice was a little raspy still, as if he weren't quite awake yet.

I stepped back and he came inside, closing the door behind him. He reached for me immediately and drew me into his arms, his fingertips and cheeks chilled from the cool damp air outside. He kissed me thoroughly, his mouth tasting mine without any hesitation. I leaned into him, feeling the roughness of his jeans against my bare legs and smelling the rich smell of the leather from his jacket over the top of his normal light, clean scent.

His hands moved down to cup my ass as he drew me closer to him. I felt him begin to harden against me. I shamelessly jumped up and wrapped my legs around his hips. He groaned, adjusting my weight in his arms and continued to kiss me deeply. He turned and pushed me up against the door. I gasped and my head fell back with a soft thunk. His lips blazed hot, wet kisses down my throat as he ground his cock against me.

"Do you have anything on under that thing?" he asked roughly.

"No," I gasped.

"Fuck, I want to be inside you," he groaned. "Right here, like this."

"Bedroom," I prompted, pushing at his shoulders. It wasn't that I wasn't perfectly happy to let him take me against the door, but I didn't have any condoms on me. "Unless you have a condom in your wallet."

"No, damn it," he muttered as he lifted me, continuing to kiss me as he carried me down the hall. It was awkward; he staggered once as I tried to guide him into the bedroom but we made it. When he let me drop onto the bed, I looked up at him; his eyes were intense as they gazed down at me. He shrugged out of his jacket and peeled his shirt off. I watched him intently, shifting on the bed, eager for him. Just watching him unzip his jeans and push them off made me sit up and start to slip out of the camisole, but he stopped me.

"Leave it on," he said, his voice rough and needy sounding. His naked body covered me and he pushed me down onto the bed. "I like it."

I gasped when his lips met my neck, suckling gently. Too gently to leave a mark, but enough to make my nipples harden as he moved down toward them. He tugged the fabric below my breasts and his hot, wet mouth encircled one. I reached over to fumble in the drawer for a condom and tossed it at him when I finally found it. I parted my legs after he'd put it on. His hands slid up either side of my thighs, pushing my chemise up to my hips. One hand moved between my legs, fingers sliding through my wetness before they pushed in to me. I moaned and begged to him to fuck me. He slipped his fingers out of me, and settling his body between my thighs, slid in to me. My fingers clutched at his shoulders, gasping as he began a quick pace. I writhed against him, desperate and eager for him. It was fast and a little rough; exactly what I needed. I glanced up, watching the look of utter pleasure on Edward's face. His eyes were closed, his jaw clenched tight, and I could feel his arms tremble a little as he held himself up over me.

It wasn't long before I felt my body clench around him and he groaned. He leaned down and took my nipple in his mouth again, his tongue flicking against it until I cried out, the orgasm slamming into me, my back bowing up off the bed. He came with a hoarse shout, collapsing on top of me for a moment until he rolled to the side. He disposed of the condom and rolled back over to face me.

I stretched, feeling relaxed and calm, the day's earlier stresses gone. "Thanks for coming over."

"You're welcome. I'm glad you called."

I shifted on the bed, pulling the chemise back down over my thighs and tugging the top up.

"Why was your day so shitty?" he asked, pulling the covers up over us and propping himself up on his hand to look down at me.

"Hmm, just a stressful case. I'm fairly sure my client isn't being honest with me. It's a suit against a company, where an employee claimed he was injured on the job, but I'm starting to believe that he's faking it. Or at least milking some minor injuries for all they're worth. He claimed they had faulty equipment and it probably wasn't as well-maintained as it should have been, but I just don't trust him.

"I hate cases like this. I want so badly to believe all my clients are trustworthy, but unfortunately, there are too many who try to milk the system. It's a _pro bono_ case, which makes it worse. I really want to help the people who can't afford good representation; I just don't like being lied to."

Edward nodded. "That is stressful. I hope you're able to get it straightened out."

"Thanks. How was your day?"

He shrugged. "It was all right. A couple of meetings and lots of phone calls." I stretched again and yawned. He leaned down and brushed his lips across my forehead. "Do you want me to head out now?" he asked.

I shook my head. "No, I'd like you to stay for a while. I mean, you can spend the night, if you want. If you do though, I'll go sleep in the other room." I looked down at the duvet, fidgeting with the seam, but Edward tilted my face up so my eyes met his.

"It's okay. I keep telling you, just be honest with me. That's all I ask."

I nodded, and we moved on to other topics. We talked for a long while, until I was beginning to nod off. "I'm going to head out now," Edward said. "Okay?"

"Just stay until I fall asleep," I mumbled, and I was out in moments, not sure if he stayed until I was completely asleep or not.

I was alone in the morning. In some ways it was a relief, but to my surprise there was a twinge of disappointment, as well. I got out of bed, opened the curtains, and was surprised to see that it was a beautiful, sunny day out. I went into the kitchen to make coffee, eager to start my day.

I heard my phone beep and I wondered if I needed to charge it. I had left it on the table by the entryway and, sure enough, the battery was low. There was a note under it with Edward's now-familiar writing.

_Bella,_

_You were sleeping peacefully when I left. I have the entire day free on Saturday. Call or text if you'd like to do something._

_-Edward_

I carried my phone in to my office and plugged it in to charge, setting the note from Edward down on my desk. I went to the bathroom and brushed my teeth while the water in the shower heated and suddenly heard a knock on the door. I spat out the toothpaste and turned off the water in the shower before I headed to the entryway.

I peered out into the hallway to see Edward standing there, holding a large brown bag and coffee.

I opened the door and looked up at him, surprised but not at all displeased. "Back so early?"

"I wanted to surprise you with breakfast." His eyes traveled down from my face to my body. The desire that flared in his eyes made my breath catch in my throat.

"That's sweet, thank you." I stepped back to see Jacob in the hallway holding another bag. I turned quickly, embarrassed to realize I was wearing nothing but the skimpy chemise from the night before.

"Uh, come in, I just need to go put something else on."

I hurried for my room and I heard both of their voices in the kitchen as I hurriedly dug through my clothing to find something. Just a few moments later I heard the front door close quietly and Edward's voice behind me saying my name. I was wearing nothing but a pair of jeans and a bra and I whirled around to face him. Instead of the hungry look I expected to see on his face, he looked puzzled.

"Which room is yours?" he said after a moment.

"Well, technically they're both mine," I said weakly, not really wanting to explain it all to him. I tugged on a shirt and gathered my hair into a loose ponytail.

"This is the master bedroom, though, right?" he asked.

"Uh, yes. The other room is the guest bedroom."

"But sometimes you sleep in there?"

"Uh, yes."

He nodded and didn't say anything but I could see he was trying to figure it out.

"So, you brought breakfast, huh?" I asked.

"Yes. I bribed Jacob to help me bring it up. Hopefully I'm not being too presumptuous, monopolizing your morning like this." He turned to walk back toward the kitchen and I followed him.

"No, it's great. I was going to call as soon as I got out of the shower; my phone was dead. How much did you bring?" I asked in astonishment. My counter was covered with bags and he gave me a slightly sheepish smile.

"I may have gone overboard. But everything sounded so good."

"What did you get?"

"Well, I stopped at the café we went to after the museum, to pick up crepes and coffee."

I took a seat at the breakfast bar while Edward unpacked the bag. "Here is a cappuccino. And fruit salad. I think there are muffins and pastries in here somewhere. I got a sweet crepe and a savory crepe, which would you like?"

"Could we split them?" I asked. "So we can have a little bit of each?"

"Of course."

As I sipped my coffee, Edward found dishes and silverware. He made up plates for us before he took a seat next to me at the counter in the kitchen.

He turned to look at me before he began eating. "You sure I'm not intruding?"

"Not at all. I'm actually really glad you came over. I was going to call you in a little bit and see if you wanted to go running with me."

"Oh, sure. That would be great."

"Do we need to head to your place to get your stuff?"

"No, my gym bag is actually in my SUV."

"Perfect," I said, pleased that it had worked out so well. We ate our breakfast quietly for a moment. I nearly moaned out loud at the taste of the ham and cheese crepe.

"This is so good, Edward," I said. "I can't believe you came back just to bring me breakfast."

"I knew you'd enjoy it." He took a sip of his cappuccino and I watched his tongue trace across his lips. I suddenly wanted to grab the front of his shirt and drag him toward me to kiss him. To taste the coffee on his tongue and feel his lips against mine.

"Thank you for coming over last night." I looked down at my plate and pushed a raspberry from the fruit salad around with my fork. "I know I woke you up, and you had to leave after and …" I trailed off, feeling guilty that he'd come over just because I had been having a shitty night. Not only had I disturbed his nap and asked him to come to my place, I had made him leave after.

"Hey, it's okay. You needed me, and you called. That's exactly what I hoped would happen. I hadn't meant to fall asleep on the couch anyway. I had no trouble getting back to sleep when I got home."

"Thank you." I swallowed around the lump in my throat, overwhelmed by how good he was to me. I didn't deserve him. "You have no idea how much better I felt after you came over last night."

"Hey," he said softly. "C'mere."

When he pulled me into his arms, I let out a long, shuddering sigh against his shoulder. "Sorry, it was just such a stressful day."

"You never have to apologize for needing me. Don't you see, Bella? This is what I'd hoped for. I want to be the one you turn to, not the random guy in the bar." His expression lightened. "Besides, I brought you breakfast the next morning, none of those guys could beat that."

"You're right about that," I admitted. After we finished our breakfast, we cleaned up and put the leftovers in the refrigerator. We sipped our cappuccino and talked.

I went to my bedroom to change into running clothes while Edward went downstairs to get his gym bag. By the time I was dressed and my hair was secured in a ponytail, Edward was coming out of the guest bedroom, fully dressed in running gear. It was simple, he was just wearing black athletic shorts with a grey T-shirt, but I couldn't resist kissing him. It showed off the lean muscles in his arms along with the length of his legs. He grinned down at me and gently tugged at my ponytail.

"You look about seventeen, with your hair up like this."

I chuckled ruefully, nodding. "I always looked younger than I was, growing up. I still get carded some, especially if I'm not dressed up."

"You ready for a run?"

"I'm ready," I said confidently. I missed having a running partner. Riley hadn't run with me often, preferring the gym or the treadmill, but he had indulged me occasionally. We went downstairs, waving at Jacob as we passed.

"Take me on your usual route," Edward said when we were out on the street.

It was a beautiful day; the air was warm and the sun was still out. I was eager to get moving.

"Are you sure? It's about five miles."

"I think I can handle it."

I glanced over at him as we set out at a slow jog. "You say that now, but I tackled Lombard Street earlier this summer."

"You ran it?" he asked, his eyebrows raised in astonishment.

"Jogged it, yeah."

"That's insane. How did you survive?"

"Well, I could barely walk the next day," I admitted.

"Were you feeling a little bit masochistic that day?" he joked.

"It was the weekend I met you," I said quietly.

His steps faltered and he frowned. "Fuck, I'm sorry, Bella."

I shrugged. "It's okay. I just had some things I had to get straightened out in my head."

I sped up a little as we reached The Embarcadero and turned left. "C'mon," I teased him. "If you're not careful, I'm going to leave you in the dust."

He took off at a steady pace, falling into rhythm beside me. The mood lightened, and we talked and joked as we made our way along the piers. Even when I sped up to my usual pace, he easily kept up. We were well matched despite his much longer legs; we had no problem keeping an even pace together.

There was a light breeze blowing and the good weather had brought what looked like the whole of San Francisco out to the piers. I thought about my run up Lombard Street and all the happy couples I saw. Seeing them still brought a quiet hurt, but it was easier with Edward beside me. I didn't feel so lonely and isolated. I had someone to turn to when the nights were rough. He was right about this; it was so much better for me than what I had been doing.

I couldn't stop myself from peeking over at him. He brushed his hair away as sweat dampened his forehead. I felt a flush of arousal pass over me. I knew Edward didn't want this arrangement between us to be entirely about sex. It was hard not to want it all the time though, not when he looked the way he did. Maybe after we got back from our run, he would take a shower with me. We could spend the afternoon in bed then go out for dinner tonight. I was fantasizing about the feel of his skin against mine when he spoke.

"You seem lost in thought."

"Sorry, just watching you run," I admitted.

"Do I pass muster?"

"You'll do," I teased him, and he chuckled.

"I'm glad I meet your requirements."

"You know, I believe the night we met you promised to be my personal manservant, and I have yet to see another foot massage from you."

"I'll do you one better. When we're done with this run, I'll wash your back in the shower, and then give you the foot massage."

"Of course, there's nothing in it for you; your offering is purely altruistic, right?"

"Absolutely. I just want to make sure all of your needs are met."

I started to reply to him, then stopped short, catching a glimpse of the restaurant where Riley had told me that he was leaving. It was like a sharp stab to the chest, the pain radiating outward until I could barely breathe. "_What right did I have to be happy and laughing with Edward when Riley was all the way across the country, missing me?_" I wondered.

"We should turn around now," I said tersely, my pace speeding up. Edward pushed hard to keep up with me.

"What just happened, Bella? Are you all right?"

"I'm fine."

After we ran in silence for a while, he shook his head. "You're not fine, something just happened, and you need to talk to me about it."

"I just thought about Riley, all right?" I snapped, stopping dead in my tracks. "I miss him."

His face softened and he stopped running and walked toward me. "I'm sorry. Do you want to talk about it?"

"What is there to say?" I sighed and looked away, out over the water. "We met when I was sixteen. We were together for twelve years. We were happy together, talking about getting married. When he found a job across the country, I couldn't follow him. He said he'd stay here for me but I couldn't let him make that sacrifice for me." I swallowed hard. I had told very few people, aside from my family and Vanessa, even that much about my relationship with Riley.

"Oh, Bella." He looked at me sympathetically, and the concern in his eyes was just too much. "I didn't realize…"

"I…I'm sorry." My voice quavered. "I need to be alone. I'm sorry, Edward." I took off at a quick pace, leaving him standing behind me. I glanced over my shoulder to see him staring after me, a pained expression on his face.

* * *

*Ducks* Please, no tomatoes. We know Bella is about as up and down in this story as they come. Some things are just triggers! I don't know about you, but I can't listen to the opening song of _Twilight_ without wanting to get all misty. _When the full moon turns white that's_—Oh, erm, sorry about that. Sometimes I get carried away.

Anyhow, let us know what you think of the story so far. We love to hear from you guys. Be sure to put us on story _and_ author alerts. Both Discordia and I post oneshots from time to time you might enjoy. Discordia also has a fabulous little story called _Beyond the Break Room_ that is full of goodness. Check it out and we'll see you next Thursday!

And I'm not letting Kherisma be modest. She just posted her first one-shot and you really need to go check it out. It's a fabulous little story. As of right now it's only posted on Twilighted. It's the perfect blend of sweet, funny, and hot. And there's just a bit of angst to keep things interesting.

_Three Simple Words_ Summary: A warm summer night, a lapse in judgment, and a hot distraction. Three little words have the power to move mountains, but do they have the power to fix a love gone wrong?

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	21. Chapter 19: Regression

Hey, okay, I'll keep this short. Some of you may not like this chapter but please read it through to the end and have some faith in us. Here, we'll provide some pretty to focus on until next Thursday, too: i49*tinypic*com/2hdxtuw*jpg -Pic Tease.

The song for this chapter is "Pictures of You" by The Last Goodnight. youtu*be/f7QWZBiNTMc

Big thanks to our incredible team of betas: karenec, LJ Summers, AshesAshes and jakeward. You ladies rock our socks!

Disclaimer: _All publicly recognizable characters, settings, etc. are the property of their respective owners. The original characters and plot are the property of the author. The author is in no way associated with the owners, creators, or producers of any media franchise. No copyright infringement is intended._

* * *

**Chapter Nineteen: Regression**

The rest of the way home, I ran hard, pushing myself more than usual. I was gasping for air by the time I reached Mission Street. I slowed to a walk, but my heart was still pounding when I stepped into the lobby. Jacob gave me a confused look when he saw I had returned without Edward, but he didn't comment. I rode the elevator, feeling sick and disappointed about the way the day had ended.

Once in my apartment, I went into the guest bedroom and found Edward's clothes neatly folded on the bed next to his gym bag. I grabbed his clothes and took the bag down to the front desk.

"Jacob, could you give this to Edward when he stops by," I asked, my voice strained from my attempts to not cry.

"Thought you went for a run together." He looked at me with a questioning face. "It was mighty nice of him to bring you that breakfast."

"We did. Just make sure he gets the bag. I'll let him know it's here."

"Sure, sure," he agreed. "I'll get it to him."

"Thanks," I said tightly, turning to catch the elevator.

"Any message for him?"

"No," I answered just as the doors closed.

When I was back in my apartment, I texted Edward to let him know his bag was with Jacob. I stripped and got into the shower, resting my forehead against the cool tiles. Fuck, the run had gone so badly. I was trying, I really was. I didn't want to be such a mess. Always falling apart, leaving Edward in my wake, confused as to what he'd done wrong. It wasn't him at all, though. He had been nothing but good to me. I was disappointed in myself for ruining another great day together. But the guilt was unbearable. I missed Riley, and it didn't feel right to be happy with Edward when Riley was all alone in D.C. I shouldn't find it so easy to push thoughts of Riley aside. He hadn't forgotten me.

Trying not to cry, I showered and stepped out into the bathroom. I felt guilty when I repeatedly checked my phone for a reply from Edward, only to be disappointed that I hadn't heard from him. A small part of me wanted him to knock on my door and beg me to talk to him, although there was nothing I could say that would make the situation any better.

I tidied up the apartment and stripped the sheets off the guestroom bed, throwing them in the washer. While they washed, I took a seat at my desk and decided to email Riley.

_Riley, _

_I miss you. I went to the Black and White Ball at the Fairmont last week. My mother was her usual charming self, but Dad was great. The music was fantastic like always. They played our song. I sat out in the garden, thinking of you, remembering the way you used to sing it in my ear. _

_It was bittersweet; but although I missed you desperately, and wanted you there, I'm doing okay. I'm so proud of what you're doing, and what you're accomplishing. I wish your dream and my dream hadn't been so far apart. I would love to be there to support you. _

_Always,_

_Bella_

As soon as I hit send, I felt slightly better. I knew nothing had changed but just knowing I could reach Riley helped. I went through the rest of my day listlessly, and buried myself in work, although I was far from productive. I couldn't stop going over all the things I also wanted to say but didn't put in my email. I unenthusiastically picked at the leftovers from breakfast; barely managing to choke down more than a few bites. I was trying to convince myself to eat more when my phone chimed, indicating I'd gotten an email. It was from Riley.

_Babe, _

_That's funny, I was thinking about you, too. I can't help but remember you in that gorgeous black and white dress you wore last year. I'm sorry I missed it. _

_I am glad to hear you're doing okay. I worry about you. I can't believe how lucky I am to have your support me even though I left to pursue my dream. You were always too good for me, babe. I only hope that someday there's a way for both of us to be happy. _

_Miss you,_

_Riley_

I cried as I read the message. As good as Edward made me feel, he could never replace Riley in my heart. I shut my laptop down for the night and went into my bedroom to find my journals. The reminder of the happier times in our relationship would be painful, but it was the only way I could feel close to him again.

_August 23, 2003 _

_Georgetown is everything I hoped it would be. Our apartment is great, on the small side, but_ _still perfect. It's a two-bedroom apartment, one is our room, and the other is an office. God knows, between the two of us we have enough law books. We had to go out and buy another bookcase yesterday. Class starts on Monday and I'm thrilled but kind of nervous. This is what I've dreamed about for years!_

_September 2, 2003_

_This first week has been a whirlwind. Georgetown is definitely a change of pace from Stanford. It's not like undergrad where you don't do much of anything in the first class. It's busy from the start, but I love it. I met the most hilarious girl in one of my classes. Her name is Vanessa and she's such a riot. I don't think I have ever met anyone so outspoken and blunt. _

_September 14, 2003_

_My birthday was amazing. Riley took me out for a really incredible dinner and then we met some people from classes and went out clubbing. It's nice to finally be old enough to go out and drink. Not that we didn't drink at parties before, but it's nice to go out to a club or restaurant and actually have a glass of wine or a cocktail if I want. Vanessa was there, along with another couple we met, Charlotte and Peter. _

I sat back, pulling the journal to my chest and leaning my head against the wall. I closed my eyes, remembering times I shared with Riley; the memories were precious to me now. They were a lifeline to happier times when I had hope for my future, instead of the bleak, lonely life that was all I could see now. Thoughts of never getting married, never having children, made me so hopeless feeling. The thought of being alone at forty, fifty, and into my old age terrified me. I was still so angry at the fact that it all had disappeared. I should have been married by now; Riley and I should have been anxiously planning to start a family. My arms ached to hold him, to have what would be our life together. It was a beautiful dream that was now forever out of reach. I wiped away the tears and finally went to sleep with the journal on the pillow beside me, a paltry stand-in for the man I wanted to be there.

**~LTOYL~**

The next morning on my way out to run, I stopped to talk to Jacob. "Did Edward come get his bag?" I asked.

"Yep. 'Bout half an hour after you brought it down."

"Okay, thank you. Have a good day, Jacob."

"You, too, Miss Swan. If you care, he looked rather disappointed and confused."

I closed my eyes, hating that I had done that to Edward once again. I didn't respond to Jacob's comment; there was nothing I could say to make it better. I slogged through the rest of my day, attempting to crowd out all of the thoughts in my head. It was impossible.

Vanessa called later that night and coaxed me into going out for drinks with her. She even offered to have Edward come but I I really didn't feel up to it. Instead I agreed to just having a girls night with her.

I couldn't quite muster up the enthusiasm she had, but I was glad to see her when I got to the bar. I managed to keep her focused on herself for most of the night, quizzing her on her latest exploits. Her grandmother was rallying, and she planned to fly out to visit her again the following weekend. It wasn't until I ran out of topics that she finally got a word in edgewise to ask me what was going on.

"Are you sure you're all right, Bella? You seem …" her voice trailed off. "You seem a little strange tonight. Is everything going okay with Edward?"

"I'm fine, Ness," I reassured her. "I'm not attached at the hip with him, you know. I can go out for a night without him."

"I know. Although, I can't imagine why you'd want to," she teased me. "I'd lock him up in my bedroom and never leave."

I smiled, despite my gloomy mood. "He is pretty amazing."

"He's gotta' have some flaw though, right? The man can't actually be perfect."

"I haven't actually seen anything yet," I admitted—and I hadn't. So far, Edward had been everything I'd normally look for in a guy. He was smart, funny, a gentleman, and he challenged me. I was genuinely attracted to him both physically and intellectually.

"He doesn't leave the socks on in bed, or snore, or pick his nose?"

"Eww, no." I giggled. Frankly, the only flaw I could see was that Edward was a bit masochistic. He'd have to be, to be interested in me. I had no idea why he kept letting me treat him so badly. The guilt was intensifying daily as I remembered the look on his face when I left him standing there mid-run.

Ness and I stayed at the bar for a while longer, but the drinks only made me more depressed. Eventually, I had a hard time mustering up the desire to do anything but go home and sleep, so I gave up and hugged Vanessa goodbye, promising her I'd meet her for lunch sometime later in the week.

I was in the cab on my way home when my phone rang. I answered it without even glancing to see who was calling, half-hoping it would be Edward.

"Hey, E—"

"Bella," a familiar voice cut me off.

I drew in a sharp breath, surprised to hear Riley on the line. "Oh, Riley."

"Who were you expecting?" he said, laughing.

"I thought maybe it was Vanessa," I lied. "I just left the club, and I thought maybe I left something behind there."

"Oh, okay."

"How are you?"

He sighed. "Missing you." His words instantly made my chest hurt and immediately my eyes started to well with tears.

"I miss you, too," I said softly.

"I've been dreaming about you. I wake up and I can almost taste your lips on mine," he said.

I felt a rush at his words. His voice was easy and familiar, comforting. I felt myself sink into it, pushing away the thoughts that tried to crowd my brain, telling me I shouldn't be talking like this with Riley. I knew I was just setting myself up to hurt more, but I couldn't stop.

"I know," I said quietly. "Sometimes I wake up in the morning and can feel you next to me. I can picture your arms around me, and smell your cologne. It hurts every time I roll over and you're not there."

"Christ, Bella. I need you so much right now," he said, sounding so hurt and lonely that I felt a tear slip down my cheek.

"I need you, too, Riley. I want to believe that when I get home I'll find you in our apartment, in our bed, waiting for me."

"I want to be. I'd give almost anything to be there."

I traced my finger across the glass of the cab window, sick with loneliness. "Tell me about your week," I begged him, needing to hear his voice and wanting to pretend that it was just a mundane conversation—like he was gone on a short trip and would be coming home to me soon, anything but the truth.

"It's been a busy week, lots of Senate judiciary committee meetings. There's some anti-trust legislation that's in the works, and we're dealing with a lot of long hours at hearings. The Senator is really stressed about meeting our deadline, so I'm going on about four or five hours of sleep a night."

"Oh, Riley..." I said sympathetically. "How long have you been going on like that?"

He chuckled. "Weeks, babe. Maybe a month and a half. Something like that. Sometimes I lose track of what month it is, actually. It's a madhouse, trying to get everything dealt with before the break in August. It'll be fine then, we'll all go on vacation and I'll catch up on sleep then."

"Sounds like law school all over again."

"Pretty much. Except at least then I had you to come home to." He tried to keep his voice light, but I could hear the pain he was trying to hide.

"I wish I was. I'd run you a nice hot shower and order in your favorite dinner."

"Deep dish pizza?" he said hopefully.

"Of course, with sausage, mushrooms, and onions. Just the way you like it." When the cab pulled up at my building I hastily thrust some money at the cabbie and stepped out.

"After dinner?" he asked. "What then?"

"I'd tuck you into bed." I dropped my voice as I walked into the lobby, waving hello at Seth. He smiled at me and waved back.

"I think I need to hear more about that, babe," Riley said.

I walked into the elevator, grateful that it was empty. "You want me to tell you what would happen after you were in bed?"

"After _we_ were in bed. Yeah. Tell me what you'd do to me then."

"Riley—" I laughed "—you are being so bad."

He groaned. "I know, I just...God, hearing your voice, thinking about you, it's driving me nuts."

I shifted restlessly, aware of how turned on I was getting hearing his voice. "Let me at least get in the apartment, I'm in the elevator now."

"Fine," he huffed. "God, I need you so much right now though."

The elevator finally reached the twenty-fifth floor and I hurriedly walked to my door. I unlocked it, deposited my purse on the table by the door, and locking it behind me. "Just be patient, Riley." I slipped off my shoes once I was in the bedroom and wiggled around to reach behind me to unzip my dress. "I'm in our bedroom now," I teased him.

"Oh, babe, I can just picture you there. Is your hair up or down?"

"Up."

"What are you wearing?"

"White bra and panties."

"Fuck, my favorite." He groaned. "Oh baby, I want you so much. I can still remember the way you smell and taste. I remember how soft your skin was, and the way it felt to be inside you."

The memories of him were so intense they were nearly real to me as well. "I know, they're mine, too," I told him.

"Talk to me, Bella," he pleaded. "I need to hear your voice."

I wondered if he was touching himself. I could see his hands, sliding slowly up and down his cock. I remembered how small mine looked next to his. Almost involuntarily, my hand slid across my stomach, down, and into my white lace panties; it had been so long since I'd touched myself like this.

"I remember how broad your shoulders are, and how tiny you make me feel. How safe, and protected. I remember the way you'd pick me up, carry me into our bed, and lay me down. You'd stand there staring at me for the longest time before you crawled in with me. Your hands would go right to my chest; your fingers touching my nipples would make me gasp."

"I always felt like the luckiest man in the world to have you in my bed. The way you'd moan when I'd touch your breast, the way you'd take my hand and pull it down between your thighs. You were always ready for me, baby."

"I always wanted you, Riley. Always. Sometimes I still think about you, imagine you inside of me."

"Christ—I" He gasped "—I need you so fucking badly, babe. If I were there, how would you want me? Tell me."

"On top of me, covering me. I'd want to look into your eyes while you slid inside. I want my arms and legs wrapped around you."

"I was always so afraid I'd hurt you, you're so small. I was afraid I'd crush you." He chuckled softly.

"No," I protested. "I miss it, miss the way you'd cover my body with yours. The way you'd press me down into the bed."

"I loved the way you'd wrap your legs around my thighs so I could be deeper. And when your fingernails would dig into my back it drove me crazy. Oh, fuck, Bella. Tell me you're touching yourself. Tell me you're making yourself feel good."

"I am. I'm picturing your hands on me, how you'd feel making love to me. You always made me feel so good; I never wanted you to stop." I closed my eyes and pictured it all. Instantly, I felt my stomach coil as I felt the pleasure building—just like Riley was really here with me.

"Tell me you're close... tell me you're there, Bella." His words were labored and I could tell he was about to come.

"I'm there." I gasped and shuddered against my fingers when I heard him make a hoarse sound of pleasure. It was so familiar I could feel my eyes sting with tears.

"I love you, Riley." I gasped as my orgasm washed over me.

"Oh, Bella, baby, I love you, too." He sighed. "You always make me feel so much better. I so needed that."

"Good. I like it when you feel good." I heard the rustling of the sheets and his deep exhalation of contentment indicating he was comfortable. "You know, I still sleep on my side of the bed. I can't sleep on yours or in the middle."

"Really?" he asked.

"Mmhmm." I yawned, suddenly feeling tired.

"I should let you go to sleep, you sound wiped out."

"I am. Will you stay on with me, just until I fall asleep?"

"Of course, just give me one minute . . . I need to—"

"Clean up," I cut him off and laughed, knowing his exactly what he had to do. He sighed and it broke my heart a little knowing he knew what I was thinking. It was his routine, but we wouldn't share that any longer.

The line went quiet for a moment and then all I heard was the deep inhale and exhale of his breath lulling me to sleep. I drifted, halfway between waking and dreaming and just before I slipped into sleep, I heard him whisper, "I love you, Bella." All I could think about was how much I loved him, too.

* * *

*Kherisma swoons, Discordia goes off grid* Okay, I know some of you really want to just flame and flounce right now, but what is a story without a little angst right? You all knew Riley was going to have to come into this at some point. But don't worry, he's still in D.C. and Edward's not out of the picture. In case you forgot, we _PROMISE_ this will have a HEA for Edward and Bella. Trust us to get them there.

If you're feeling down, focus on the pretty again. Isn't he hot? i49*tinypic*com/2hdxtuw*jpg Discordia made this manip and I can't tell you how happy it makes me.

Let us know what you think: good, bad, or otherwise. We've both put on our big girl, power panties so we can handle it. Shout out to all of you who have faithfully reviewed every chapter. The rest of you, say hi. We don't bite and would like to know what you think even if it's just _**Boooooooooooo! *squish, squish* Tomatoes. ;)**_

We would like to thank Georgina, one of our lovely readers, who took a trip to SF recently and sent us LOVELY pictures to use in our story. Look for them in the next few weeks they'll be posted on Facebook and Tumblr as inspiration for the chapters.

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	22. Chapter 20 - Limits

Any of you still with us after last chapter? We know it was hard, and probably not what you were expecting but real life is like that sometimes. Thank you for all the feedback after last chapter. Honestly, we expected many of the reactions we got. Some have flounced and that's okay, we appreciate the support you've given us so far. For those who have said they are hanging on by their teeth, thank you. Trust us; we do have a plan. . . .

karenec, LJ Summers, AshesAshes, and jakeward are our fabulous team of betas. Yes, we need four of them to wrangle us. If you haven't already checked out their work, please do so. They each are fantastic writers. LJ Summers has a new story that recently completed. Just look for _Long, Tall Sally_ in her profile.

The last chapter was a little short, so this one is a little longer to make up for it. Song and pictease are listed at the bottom.

Disclaimer: _All publicly recognizable characters, settings, etc. are the property of their respective owners. The original characters and plot are the property of the author. The author is in no way associated with the owners, creators, or producers of any media franchise. No copyright infringement is intended._

* * *

**Chapter Twenty: Limits**

In the morning, I woke up hugging my pillow, my phone on the floor beside the bed. I picked it up to find a text message from Riley.

_**Last night was wonderful; I miss you so much. Love you, I'll be thinking of you all day. **_

I texted him back,_**I miss you, too. Love you always. **_

I spent the day with a stupid smile on my face, unable to shake the feeling of happiness whenever I thought of Riley. It felt so good to talk to him again, to lean on him when I was lonely, and have him tell me he loved me as I fell asleep. It felt right. He texted me throughout the day when he had a moment. Silly things, sweet things, a picture of the sunrise in D.C.

That night when I went home to my apartment after work, I felt light-hearted and happy as I did laundry and washed dishes. I spoke with Riley for a few minutes before I went to bed; that night I dreamed about him. In the morning, I reached for him and sighed when I realized he wasn't beside me. Still, the lingering feeling of closeness didn't dissipate over the next few days as we emailed and talked on the phone. I felt better than I had in almost a year. Even Charlie noticed my upbeat mood, commenting on it when he stopped into my office mid-day.

I looked up to see him standing in my doorway and I grinned at him. "Hey, what are you doing here today?"

"Oh, just came in to check on a few things. Sue needs me to sign some invoices and go over the schedule for the next couple of months. How are your cases coming along?"

"I'm making solid progress on the Walker case. For right now the rest are on hold. I'm waiting to hear back from opposing council about the Price Industries case. I do have a few thoughts I'd like to run by you; do you have time for lunch with me today?"

"Of course. I'm never too busy for you, Bella."

"I can head out now, if you're all finished," I offered.

"Give me ten minutes to wrap things up with Sue and we can head out. I'll meet you in the lobby then, okay?"

"Sounds good, Boss."

I wrapped up the email I had been in the middle of writing and tidied my desk before running in to the bathroom to check my makeup and hair. I met Charlie just as he finished speaking with Bree, and we went down to the street where Eleazar was waiting with the Town Car. We spent the ride to the restaurant talking about non-work-related things. I was not at all surprised when we pulled up at the Presidio golf course, just outside of Spruce. It had been a while since Charlie and I had gone for lunch though. I was looking forward to our lunch together.

Once we were seated at a table, we wasted no time getting down to business.

"So, tell me about Price Industries."

He listened attentively as I brought him up to speed on the case, making a few suggestions here and there at concerning different angles I needed to explore. To my surprise, by the time we finished talking, I had polished off my entire lunch. He beamed at me when I pushed away my empty plate. Over coffee, we moved on from casework to talking about the office.

"How are things going with Lauren?" he asked.

I laughed weakly. "I haven't strangled her yet."

He smiled but shook his head at me. "Bella."

"I know. But the other day I found her in Alec's office, rifling through his papers." I expected him to comment, but his expression remained neutral. I continued, "I asked her what she was doing, but she just said that she'd given him a file she wasn't supposed to, and wanted to retrieve it."

Charlie shrugged. "That's certainly plausible. You don't believe her explanation?"

"Well, she is constantly getting files mixed up, so it certainly isn't out of the question. But I have my doubts."

"Is there any particular reason why?"

"Just a gut feeling."

He nodded. "Well, I trust your instincts, but I think you should cut the girl some slack. She isn't trained for working in a law office."

"That's exactly why her behavior sometimes concerns me. She has no idea what she's doing. What if something she does gets in the wrong hands or information is given out that shouldn't be? I don't know. I'm just not sure about her. Remind me why she hasn't been replaced with someone else?"

"Because the temp agency is short-staffed right now, they don't have anyone more qualified. It was either one person who could work for the entire time, or sixteen different people rotating through the office, and that's even worse."

I groaned. "I am counting down the days until Gianna is back."

"I know. She's a real asset to the office, and when she is back, we'll all be happier. But in the meantime, I need you to be patient with Lauren. It can't be easy for her to come in like this. She deserves to have you give her a chance. You're hard on people sometimes, Bella." I ducked my head, knowing he was right. "You mean well, it's just because you're such a high achiever, but not everyone is capable of that. It doesn't mean they aren't valuable employees or decent human beings, though."

"I know, I'm sorry."

"Just try to work with Lauren. It'll be good for the both of you."

"Okay."

After he paid for lunch, we went back to the office, making small talk about Renee's latest news. How he puts up with her I'll never understand. He walked me to my office door and hugged me.

"You look great, Bella, and you sound a lot happier. Keep doing what you're doing, it's working."

I knew exactly why I was happier. I was talking to Riley again. Every time I heard from him, it was like things were before he left. Briefly, Edward crossed my mind, though I couldn't bring myself to call him. All I wanted to do was talk to Riley. It was wrong to completely shut Edward out, but maybe this was the way things were supposed to be. Maybe Riley and I were getting a second chance at love.

**~LTOYL~**

Later that week, Vanessa and I went to lunch. Throughout our time at the restaurant, I was receiving texts until she finally commented on my distraction.

"Is that Edward sending you dirty texts?"

"What? No. Of course not." I bit my lip. "It's nothing." She glared at me and pursed her lips, knowing I was bluffing. "Fine, it was from Riley, okay?"

"Riley is sending you dirty texts?" Her eyebrows flew up in surprise.

"No one was sending me dirty texts. It was just a simple 'how are you doing?' text."

"Oh, that's no fun," she said dismissively. "Hmm… I saw that smile though." I could see the judgment written across her face. Instantly, my heart sank and my guard went up as I felt the need to defend my actions.

"Ness. . . I miss him," I said softly. "I like hearing from him, okay?"

"I know you do. Are you sure it's such a good idea though, Bella? You can't keep doing this to yourself. You seemed to be doing really well with Edward."

"I haven't really talked to him in a couple of days," I admitted.

"Why? Did he do something?"

"No. He never does anything. He's so fucking good to me it's ridiculous, Ness. He's perfect, and I'm treating him like shit."

"So is that what's holding you back with Edward, he's _too _perfect, _too _sweet?" she asked.

"Nothing's holding me back, Ness. I just—"

"Then stop," she said, as if it were the easiest thing in the world. "Stop texting Riley and hoping things are going to magically change because they're not. Call Edward, apologize, then drag him back into the bedroom for some really great make-up sex. He isn't going to wait forever, you know. He _will _find someone else. Then where are you going to be? Pining after a man you love, but can't have, and all alone again. You've said it yourself, Bella: Edward is amazing. There's going to be some other woman out there who will recognize that. You're going to be sorry when he's not around for you anymore."

I drew in a sharp breath, hating that she was right. It was half the reason I didn't talk to Vanessa about these things. She was always just a little too observant, her comments too biting. It was what made her a brilliant lawyer, but it was what always guarded me from really opening up to her.

However, when Riley called that night, it didn't stop me from giving in to the temptation I knew would bit me by talking to him. I hadn't heard from Edward since our run, and I wondered if he was giving me space. I didn't know if I wanted it or not. All I knew was I was completely wrapped up in Riley and it felt like a lifeline.

Later that week, I finally heard from Edward, though it was just a brief text.

_**I know things ended on a weird note the last time I was over, but let me know if you'd like to get together. **_

I didn't make any plans with him, but I replied with a brief text to let him know I was unavailable.

_Swamped with work right now, sorry. _

It wasn't entirely a lie. I was working long hours trying to get the case ready for trial. I was in the office until eight or nine most nights and weekends were usually spent writing and re-writing my opening statement. The little time that I had, I was usually talking to Riley, so things just didn't work out.

I knew that I was walking a fine line between Riley and Edward, and that what I was doing wasn't right. But honestly, having Riley in my life again was like being able to breathe again after feeling like I was suffocating. I felt like I could fill my lungs with fresh air even if it was only temporary. He had always been my center, grounding me. When I'm was with him, it felt like the world finally stopped spinning for a moment, allowing for calm amidst the chaotic mess I'd been living in since he left.

But in a lot of ways, being with Edward felt right, too and that was the part that confused me. That was the part I struggled with.

Late one night, Edward called. Since I was actually in the middle of work, I didn't feel quite so guilty for telling him I was too busy to see him. He was sympathetic, even offered to bring me dinner then leave after, but I turned him down.

I could hear the tightness in his voice over the phone. He knew me too well. I wasn't just brushing him off for work. In fact, as my stomach rumbled, I wished I could take him up on his offer. Dinner and seeing him would be really nice. But I couldn't look him in the eye when things with Riley were going so well.

It wasn't long after Edward's call that Riley called, and I was grateful that I'd turned Edward down. It would have been incredibly awkward meeting him having just talked to Riley and mentally slipping back into my role of being his. I couldn't deny that I was attracted to Edward not only physically but mentally, but I also couldn't deny that I was still in love with Riley and that I wasn't able to let go of him .

When Riley and I talked, I bounced a few ideas for the case off on him. It was nice to have a sounding board again. Charlie was happy to do it, and so were Patrick and Alyssa. But my father and other co-workers could never replace the rapport Riley and I had. He had always been my best collaborator, helping me untangle tricky issues. When we'd finished, I exhaled with relief, feeling much better about where I was on the case.

"I don't know how I've been doing this without you," I said jokingly.

He chuckled softly. "You're brilliant and I'm sure you're killing them out there. But I know what you mean."

It was crazy and reckless, and although a part of my brain told me I shouldn't say it, I suddenly wondered if it was possible to make this long distance thing work. I took a deep breath and spoke.

"Hey, Riley…what do you think about trying this long-distance?" I said hopefully.

"What do you mean, Bella?" he asked, sounding shocked. "A relationship? I thought that we decided that wasn't something you wanted. Something you could handle…"

"I...I don't know. I didn't, but I hate being without you. The last few weeks have been so good. I just...I need you, Riley."

He sighed. "You know what my schedule is like, is it really going to be fair to you? I don't even know how to make it work."

I suddenly felt hurt. "Forget it; I don't know what I was thinking. It was silly," I said, trying to brush it off.

"No, Bella, I—I just don't know how we're going to make it happen. Nothing has really changed in our situation. We're still on opposite coasts. How can we ever marry and raise a family this way? You know I want that with you, but unless something has changed, I don't know how we'll make it work. Let me think about it, okay, babe?"

I was disappointed, but I understood what he was worried about. It was the reason we hadn't tried to make a long distance relationship work in the first place.

I waited to hear back from Riley, but it was like he had disappeared. When I didn't hear from him the following day, I texted him right before I went to bed.

_**Hey, missed talking to you today. Hope you had a good day. **_

In the morning there was no reply; my phone was silent all day. My happy mood dimmed as the hours ticked by. When I called him that night, his phone went to voice mail; I left a stuttering, awkward message.

"Hey, Riley, uh, I haven't heard from you in a few days and I wanted to make sure everything was okay. I know you're probably just busy, but...um, I missed hearing your voice. Just call me when you get a chance, all right? Uh, night."

I tried not to be too upset, but it was hard not to be. I worried about him, and worried that maybe asking him about a long-distance relationship was too much. Maybe it had been a little crazy, but I'd meant it. Talking with Riley had made me feel so much better. I didn't understand why he was pulling away. Maybe he didn't want to try to make a long-distance relationship work, and he wasn't sure how to tell me. Still, Riley had never shied away from having a difficult discussion about our relationship before.

As the days passed, he didn't call or email, I grew increasingly depressed. I found myself running longer, pushing myself harder, drinking a little more each night, and not sleeping well. When I hadn't heard from him in nearly two weeks, I was sick with worry and growing irritated. Riley had always been thoughtful in the past; it was uncharacteristic of him to ignore me. I even thought about calling Amanda to make sure he was okay, but she hadn't spoken to me since he left for D.C. I didn't know what to tell her about where Riley and I stood.

I slogged through work that week. By Friday, I was exhausted and angry at him. I was just about to leave the office to head home when my phone rang. I picked it up, scowling at the sight of my mother's number. I didn't really feel like talking with her, plus, I was supposed to meet Vanessa that night. Because I had worked late, I was barely going to make it home in time to change and get to the club.

"Hello?" I said wearily.

"Isabella, it's your mother. You need to be at dinner with your father and I tonight."

"Tonight?" I groaned. "Ren—Mother, I already have plans tonight."

"Well, I'm sure you can cancel. Your father wants to see you and you've been neglecting your family obligations lately. After all we've done for you; it's the least you can do. Meet us at seven thirty p.m. at Spinnakers."

I hung up the phone, frustrated with how thoughtless she was. It wasn't that I couldn't re-schedule with Vanessa, but I was irritated by the short notice and lack of concern for my life that Renee had. Spinnakers was a wonderful restaurant with fabulous food and amazing views of the San Francisco skyline. But it was in Sausalito; the trip over the Golden Gate Bridge at that time of day would be a nightmare. Traffic was always terrible and I dreaded dealing with it. Not to mention the fact that I'd have to leave work early to make sure I made it there in time. Still, it would be nice to see Dad.

"Don't tell me you're calling to cancel," Vanessa said as soon as she answered the phone.

"I'm calling to cancel."

"Is it at least for the oh-so-delicious Edward?"

"No, Renee called to summon me to dinner with her and Charlie. I don't want to go, but it really wasn't worth the hassle."

"She really makes my mother look like a saint. And that's saying something."

"No kidding." I laughed. "Anyway, we'll have to reschedule."

"Well, text me when dinner is over, maybe you can meet me at the club when you're done."

"All right. Have fun!"

"I always do."

I packed up my briefcase before hurrying home to pick up my car. I didn't even bother to go in to my apartment, just drove to the restaurant immediately knowing traffic getting across the bay bridge at this time of the day would be killer. Once there I took a few minutes to touch up my makeup and smooth out my hair in the rearview mirror. I had worn a dress and blazer that day, so I slipped out of the blazer, shrugging back into my trench coat before walking inside. The hostess took me to the table where my parents were waiting.

I glanced around the restaurant, trying to will myself to relax. It was a large, open dining room with slatted wood ceiling, crisp white tablecloths and incredible views. The sky was so clear that the lights of the city twinkled through the floor-to-ceiling windows. It was a lovely place and I'd never had a bad meal here.

"There you are, Isabella, darling, I didn't think you were going to make it," my mother chided me as she stood up to greet me with a cool kiss on the cheek.

"It's seven twenty-five, mother," I protested. "I'm early."

"Still, that's cutting it awfully close."

"You know she's always very punctual, Renee," Charlie said. "Good to see you, Bella." He hugged me tight and just for a moment I relaxed into the hug. He always knew how to make me feel better.

As we ordered wine and appetizers my mother chatted excitedly about the latest society gossip; I nodded politely, trying to tune it out without appearing like I was actually ignoring her. By the time we had finished our wine and eaten, I was reaching the end of my patience. She was forever harping on me about my supposed weight gain; it was easier to just avoid the issue all together. It wasn't really what I was in the mood for, but the food at Spinnakers was excellent. At least I knew it wouldn't taste bad. The minute I had a chance, I excused myself to use the restroom.

"I'll be back in just a moment," I promised. I took a minute to decompress and take a few deep breaths. I patted a little cool water onto my flushed cheeks as I stared at myself in the mirror, wondering how much longer would I allow Renee to plague my life. With a regretful sigh, I left the safe, quiet haven of the restroom, making my way down the long hallway that took me back to the dining area.

As I passed a beautiful middle-aged woman with shoulder length caramel colored hair, we both smiled politely at each other as we passed before it registered. I turned around to see her facing me with a huge grin on her face.

"Esme?" I said with some surprise.

"Bella! It's so good to see you! How are you liking the apartment?" She hugged me enthusiastically and I hugged her back.

"I love it, you did a beautiful job," I said sincerely. Esme Platt of Platt-Whitlock Designs had been recommended to me by Renee back when I wanted a fresh look for my apartment. We were wildly different in so many ways but if there was one thing I could trust Renee with, it was good taste in design. She had never personally worked with Esme, but Esme had received rave reviews from everyone Renee knew. Although I had been listless and depressed in the months after Riley left, Esme had gently coaxed me to help pick out fabric samples and artwork. It was one of the first steps I took once the initial shock of him being gone passed, and it did help a little.

"Wonderful. I am so pleased to hear that you are enjoying it. What are you doing here?"

"Dinner with my parents, you?"

"We're celebrating my son's birthday. We were supposed to do it weeks ago, but my husband and I were traveling for our anniversary. Actually, it's a joint anniversary and birthday celebration. Honestly, Edward didn't care if we celebrated it at all, but he's my baby and I couldn't resist."

"Edward?" I said. My heart started beating faster at the familiar name.

"Yes, he's a curator at the San Francisco Museum of Modern Art. In fact, I would love to introduce you two."

I suddenly felt panicked as things started to click in place. She took my arm gently, leading me to the doorway of the private dining room. I turned to look where she was indicating. Sure enough, she was pointing straight toward Edward Cullen, who was staring at us with a puzzled look. He excused himself from the conversation he was having and made his way over.

"Mom, Bella?"

"You two know each other?" Esme said delightedly. "That's so wonderful."

"Yeah… we do. What are you doing here, Bella?" he asked tightly.

"Dinner with my parents," I said, still trying to get my bearings. It wasn't impossible that we'd run into each other, though the odds were slim considering we weren't even in San Francisco at the moment. The connection had me completely thrown.

"Oh." He swallowed hard. "It's good to see you." Edward seemed a little shocked, as well, and I wondered what he was thinking.

I nodded. "It's good to see you, too."

Esme touched my shoulder. "I'll be right back, I need to say goodbye to Dr. Gerandy, it looks like he and his wife are leaving."

"How do you know my mother?" he asked when she had stepped away.

"She did the design for my apartment."

He laughed ruefully. "I should have realized it was her work."

"Does she go by her maiden name? The name of the company I used is Platt-Whitlock Designs."

"Yes, Platt; Whitlock is my sister's married name. Did you meet Alice?"

"Yes, they were both wonderful. Is Alice your older or younger sister?" I asked.

"Older, but not by much. We're less than two years apart." Alice had been so friendly and easy to get along with; she had made a sincere attempt to befriend me, and we hit it off well. But at the time, I had been too gutted to make the effort. She was persistent, she eventually gave up. I liked Alice immensely though, and I was sorry I had let the chance for friendship slip by. "We're close," he added.

I nodded, wondering if I should ask him to apologize to Alice for me, but I realized I'd done essentially the same thing with Edward in the last few weeks and the guilt multiplied.

"Happy Birthday by the way. Sorry, I didn't know..."

He shrugged. "Why would you have? It's not a big deal. It was actually on the twentieth of June, but my parents were in London for almost a month, so we pushed the party back so we could celebrate their anniversary along with my birthday."

I nodded; the silence awkward for a moment. A frown marred his forehead and he started at me.

When Esme made her way back over to us, I gave her a warm smile, grateful for the interruption.

"I can't believe I never made the connection," I said. "I can't believe you're Edward's mother, although now that I see you together, I can see the resemblance."

Esme laughed. "He did take after me. Both in looks and artistic temperament."

"I saw Edward give a speech at the museum on the Stein Collection. He was very compelling."

"He is very passionate about the things he is interested in." She shot him a meaningful look. She beamed at me and winked at Edward before looking around the room again. "Well, I'll leave you two to get better acquainted. I think they're just about to bring out dessert. Why don't you join us, Bella?"

"I would love to, but I actually need to get back to my parents. They're probably wondering where I am."

She hugged me goodbye and made me promise to call her sometime. I agreed and turned to Edward.

"I need to go; they've probably brought out our entrées already. Happy Birthday, Edward." I stepped forward to kiss his cheek and I felt his hands close around my waist.

"You've been difficult to get a hold of lately," Edward commented, holding me close to him.

"I've been swamped with cases, I'm sorry."

"You sure that's all?" He looked at me searchingly and I flinched.

"Not entirely. Just trying to deal with some things."

He nodded. "Well, I'm not trying to put any pressure on you, but I have missed seeing you."

"I've missed seeing you, too," I said, meaning it. I had let my head get clouded with Riley, but I hadn't heard from him at all since I brought up a long-distance relationship. Frankly, I was tired of feeling like I was being ignored when he was the one to initiate things again. I knew he was busy, but it wasn't too much to expect him to at least let me know he wouldn't be available. It stung that he couldn't be bothered to get back to me. And through his actions, I was unintentionally hurting Edward. I wanted to tell Edward that I was sorry, _for everything_, but I really didn't even know what to say. Until things were solid with Riley I really was just holding my breath.

"Well, you know my number," Edward said.

I nodded, a stab of guilt hitting me square in the chest. I gave him one final kiss on the cheek, before making my way back to the table. My entrée was waiting; thankfully, it was still warm.

"We thought you had left, Isabella," Renee said reproachfully.

"I'm sorry, I ran into Esme Platt."

"Oh, how is she?" I took a bite of my meal and noticed the immediate shift in Renee's demeanor. She sat up straighter, pushed back her shoulders and instantly her "networking socialite side" started to appear.

"She's fine. She's celebrating her anniversary tonight, and her son's birthday. You met her son at the barbecue and at the benefit. Edward."

"_That_ young man is related to her?" Renee gave me a speculative look, still clearly judging him. "Why on earth didn't you tell me?"

"I didn't know, until tonight. She uses her maiden name."

"And what is her husband's name?" I could see her mind churning, trying to find her "in." Renee was all about status, so any chance at getting her name out there in the eyes of another socialite couple she would take. Esme Platt, of Platt-Whitlock Designs, had a waiting list for clients and was one of the most sought after designers in the city.

"Cullen, as far as I'm aware."

"Interesting. I wonder if they're _those_ Cullens?"

"I have no idea which _Cullens_ you are referring to, Mother."

"They're very prominent in society. Both the Platts and the Cullens."

I shrugged. "Edward said his family has been in the area since the gold rush."

"Hmm. You'll have to introduce me."

"I don't really feel it's appropriate to interrupt their celebration, Mother," I protested.

"Just leave it be, Renee," Charlie said.

Renee scowled, clearly in disagreement. "Really, Charles, they would be good connections to have."

"Drop it," he said firmly and she sat back in her chair with an irritated huff. Charlie usually indulged her whims, but I was grateful that he had sensed my discomfort. Things with Edward were difficult enough; I didn't need to throw Renee's antics into the mix.

When I pushed aside my half-eaten entrée, Charlie frowned at me. "You don't eat enough, Bella," he chastised me gently.

"I'm full," I lied. Truthfully, I had been enjoying my dinner until Renee had started to push my buttons.

"I think Isabella has been looking much better lately," she said, turning to me. "You needed to lose a few pounds."

She smiled at me and I had the overwhelming urge to scream.

Charlie's expression was displeased. "I don't think that's true at all, in fact, I've been worried about how thin she is."

I gulped down a rather large sip of my wine, feeling myself flush as the heat traveled to my stomach. "_Oh God, I can't handle this tonight,"_ I thought. Out of the corner of my eye, I saw Edward, Alice, and tall older man with dark hair leaving with Esme. Edward was laughing at something, his eyes sparkling and a wide grin on his face. "_He really is so beautiful when he laughs," _I thought. With a pang of remorse, I realized once again, how horribly I'd treated him.

They stopped by the door, and I watched as he hugged his mother and Alice goodbye. Alice's clear voice carried through the restaurant. "Are you sure you don't want to come out with Jasper and I tonight?"

"I'm sure," he answered her more quietly. I had to strain to hear his response. "I'm going to head home and crash. It's been a long week."

"Oh, fine." I saw Alice huff and kiss his cheek.

As they said their goodbyes a wicked idea popped into my head; before I had even taken the time to think it through, I was on my feet and excusing myself. "I'm sorry. But I need to head out now, I have a meeting I need to prep for tomorrow."

"Isabella," Renee reprimanded. "You are being so rude tonight."

"I'm sorry." I kissed Renee on the cheek and gave Charlie a much warmer hug goodbye. Barely stopping to grab my coat from coat check, I was out the door. I had plans for tonight. Plans to surprise Edward. I couldn't wait to see the look on his face, hopefully he would be at his place when I got there.

I drove home quickly and hurried inside. "Evening, Jacob!" I called out enthusiastically.

"Evening, Miss Swan," he replied with a slightly surprised tone.

In my apartment, I hastily stripped out of my clothing and wrapped myself in a robe. Twenty minutes later, I had smoky-eyes and glossy red lips. Frantically I dug through my dresser to find the perfect lingerie. With a triumphant grin, I found a gorgeous set and put it on. It was a never-before-worn black demi bra made from sheer pleated tulle and a matching thong, both of which left very little to the imagination. I added a pair of black sheer stay up stockings, along with a pair of spiked-heeled black knee-high boots.

I shook out my curls, found a large black leather satchel, adding a soft jersey dress to slip into later and two black silk scarves. I put on a belted trench coat and left the building, feeling eager to surprise Edward. I squirmed in my seat on the drive there, feeling naughty dressed in so little. I saw my reflection in the rearview mirror; my eyes were bright, my cheeks were flushed with excitement. Twenty minutes later, I was in front of Edward's building. I parked along the street and dialed his number.

He answered his phone sounding puzzled. "Bella?"

"Edward," I purred. "I'm standing outside your building and I have a little bit of a birthday surprise for you."

"All right," he said warily. "Do you need me to come let you in?"

"Yes."

"I'll be there in a moment." I steeled my nerves as I felt them begin to creep up, hearing the obvious tension in his voice.

When he opened the doors, his eyes met mine and then traveled down the rest of me. I teasingly lifted the hem of the coat until it was halfway up my thigh and he could see the top of my stockings. He was shirtless, wearing a pair of low-slung black sleep pants and his hair was wet as if he'd just showered. Any hesitation I may have felt quickly left as I remembered exactly how Edward made me feel every time we were together.

He leaned against the door, crossing his arms as his eyes took me in. "I take it this surprise doesn't involve birthday cake."

"No." I smiled. "But I can guarantee that you won't have any complaints."

He smirked at me and extended his hand to direct me in. "After you."

He followed me up to his loft and once he locked the door behind us, I leaned in and gently tapped a finger against his bare chest.

"I just have one rule for you. I'm in charge tonight, birthday boy."

I led him up to his bedroom and worked my thumbs into the waistband of his pants. I wiggled them down his hips and he stepped out of them, his eyes intent on me. He blinked once in surprise, as I gently pushed him back onto the bed, but didn't respond. I set my purse on the bed next to him and instructed him, "Put your hands over your head, wrists together."

He raised a single eyebrow at me questioningly but didn't protest and he did as I asked. I pulled a scarf out of my purse and his tongue wet his lips. I wound the scarf around his wrists and tied them together.

"Keep them over your head," I whispered huskily. He nodded; his breathing beginning to pick up.

I stepped back so he could see all of me. Slowly, teasingly, I untied the belt and buttons on my trench coat, making sure it didn't gap open until they were all loosened. "Do you want to see what's under here?" I asked.

When Edward nodded, I slowly opened the coat, peeling it away from my body and tossing it to the railing behind me. His lips parted and I saw his cock stiffen.

"Wasn't I naughty, showing up here like this? Driving here in nothing but lingerie under my trench coat?" I asked innocently. Something about Edward made my usual inhibitions disappear. I had been horrible to Edward in the past week and Riley had left me nothing but frustrated with his lack of communication. I was feeling bold with a slight edge.

"Y-Yes," he said hoarsely.

"All you can do is look. You can't even touch me." I ran my fingers across my nipples, feeling them tighten underneath the sheer fabric. I traced across my stomach, hips, and then down my thighs. I stepped closer to the bed and dragged my left hand up my thigh, slowly. "Do you know how wet it made me to show up this way?"

He shook his head. I let my fingers move to just below my pussy. "I'm dripping. Would you like a taste?" Though this was for Edward, I couldn't deny how turned on _I _was.

When he nodded, I ran my fingers up under my thong and across my wetness before holding them up to show them to him. "I don't know, do you deserve a taste, birthday boy?"

I stifled a laugh when he nodded. "I don't know that you do," I said, frowning playfully. "Maybe I should just taste myself."

I slipped my fingers into my mouth and he gasped. I licked them clean, sucked my index finger in my mouth, and released it with a quiet pop. "Maybe later, if you've been good you can have a reward," I purred.

"Please," he said in a raspy whisper.

I stepped back and slowly peeled the lingerie off me, tossing it aside. I left the stockings and boots on. I moved to the side of the bed to kneel beside him. "You're going to say that a lot tonight. I'm going to tease you, and make you squirm. You're going to be begging me by the time I'm through."

I dragged my short, manicured nails across his thighs. He gasped, the muscles tensing under my touch. I did it again and his hips began to squirm on the bed. His cock was hard; beginning to weep at the tip.

"You want me, don't you?"

"Yes," he rasped.

"You want my hot, wet pussy surrounding you…"

"Yes." His voice grew noticeably hoarser as my teasing continued.

"I think you're going to have to wait though." I straddled his thighs, kneeling over them, his cock just inches from my hand. Instead, I parted my lips and his eyes followed the path of my fingers hungrily.

"Maybe I'll just play with myself, instead." His mouth dropped open when I dragged two fingers across my wetness

"Mmm, that feels so good." I moaned quietly. "You like to tease me, remind me that you're better at bringing me pleasure than anyone else. I think it's my turn to remind you of the same thing. I'm the best you'll ever have."

He swallowed hard. "I'm going to blindfold you now." I reached for the other scarf, softly tying it around his eyes. They were brilliant and needy just before the fabric covered them.

"I'm going to touch you, taste you, and tease you until you're so desperate for me you think you'll die," I whispered in his ear. "Now I just need you to stay very still..."

I kissed his lips softly, the barest brush, before I moved to his jaw and across the light stubble there. Then I moved to his ear where I breathed hot air against it before tracing my tongue along the outer edge. He shifted on the bed when I took his earlobe between my teeth and gently bit down. He moaned quietly and I made my way down from his ear to his throat. He threw his head back into the pillows, giving me better access. I grazed my teeth across his Adam's apple, then moved to the other side of his neck, up to his ear.

I shifted to the side, allowing his thigh to nestle between mine. I felt the soft hair on his leg tickle my inner thighs and I slowly rocked my pussy across him.

"Can you feel how wet I am?" I whispered in his ear.

"Yes," he whimpered.

I moved my lips to his collarbone, licking along it in short, teasing strokes in order to make him gasp. I sat up and dragged my fingertips down his sternum. His lips parted as my fingertips moved to his right nipple and circled around it. I did that until it was hard and then I moved to the left one. His respiration picked up, his chest rising and falling quicker. I lowered my lips and flicked out my tongue. I glanced up at him to see him panting, hands clenched over his head, straining against the soft silk tie.

I repeated the movement again and he shifted under me, needy and growing impatient. I moved to the other side and gently rocked against his thigh. Although it was teasing Edward, it was teasing me just as much. I had to bite my lip to keep from moaning out loud. His cock was hard and straining; I could feel it twitch against my leg.

Reminding myself to be patient, I worked my way down his body, licking and nipping at the soft skin. I settled on the bed between his legs, hovering over his body. The muscles along his stomach were lean, beautifully defined, and I ran my tongue along the lines of his abs. He gasped, bucking upwards when my tongue met his hipbone and moved down the sculpted V. Again, I repeated it on the other side; he was panting and gasping by the time I exhaled hot air against his cock. But instead of taking him in my mouth like he expected, I slid forward and my pussy dragged over him. I lowered myself to straddle his waist. His cock twitched under me as I leaned forward to press my lips to his.

He kissed me hungrily, sighing with frustration when I pulled back.

"Please, Bella," he whispered. "I need you."

"Just be patient," I softly admonished him. If I was honest with myself though, I needed him just as much as he needed me in that moment.

I kissed him again, and he let me lead. Although I could feel him, hard and eager against me, I slowed the pace down, kissing him languidly. Slowly, slowly the pace increased and the intensity followed until we were both panting. My hips began an easy rocking rhythm and the head of his dick slid across my clit. I wanted to bury him inside of me, but I wasn't eager to get off him to find a condom.

I exhaled against Edward's mouth, returning my hands to his chest, thumbing his nipples to make him moan.

As I worked my way down his body, again he begged me softly. "Please, please, Bella...I need..."

His hips shifted restlessly, his arms lifted and then lowered again, the muscles tightening and relaxing. His wrists were lightly tied together and there was nothing stopping him from reaching for me and taking control. My hair fell forward and brushed along his hips, making his skin twitch.

I dragged my tongue from the base of his cock up to the tip, tasting both of us on him. He let out an agonized groan and I engulfed him completely with my mouth. He cried out sharply, his shoulders rising up off the bed. I pressed my palm against the clenched muscles of his chest and gently pushed him back down. Once he was quiet and still again, I began to move. I slid my mouth up and down in a slow, easy motion and he breathed to the rhythm of my movement. I brought him right to the edge, until he was panting, thrashing under me, a litany of "please," leaving his lips. Every muscle in his body was tight and straining with a light sheen of sweat covering him. When I released him slowly, he groaned in disappointment.

I got up off the bed and walked around it, the sound of my heels clicking on the wood floors as I made my way to the nightstand. My thighs were wet and I felt the ache between them with every step I took. I retrieved a condom and opened it. His head turned toward me at the sound of the tearing foil. His lips were pink and parted, wet from where his tongue had swept across them.

I moved my handbag to the floor and straddled his thighs again, gently working the condom down over him. It twitched in my hands as I slowly stroked up and down once before placing it just outside my entrance. His hips shifted and the air caught in his throat, but he didn't push upward, although he easily could have. I leaned forward, my nipples brushing his chest as I undid the blindfold. I gasped when I saw his eyes. His pupils were dilated; I could barely see the color of the iris around them.

"Please," he said desperately.

His hungry, desperate gaze urged me to sink down on him immediately. His chest rose and fell quickly, and his jaw clenched as I began to move.

I moved slowly at first, rising and falling with a gentle rhythm. His muscles clenched under me with every move I made and I shamelessly enjoyed watching his body respond to mine. I was incredibly aroused; the teasing, playful tone that I'd begun with was rapidly turning heated. I sped up a little, hearing my thighs slap against his as I rode him harder. His eyes were locked on mine, full of needy desperation, begging me for release although he didn't speak. He was panting hard; the rough pace had him gripping the silk scarf until his knuckles turned white.

He came with a wordless, groan of pleasure that reverberated through my body, making me clench around him. My orgasm slammed into me, taking me by surprise and my head came back as I cried out, our voices blending together in ecstasy. My body trembled over his as he shuddered and shook.

When I collapsed on his chest, he brought his arms, still tied together at the wrists, over my head to rest on my back. I reached behind me, fumbling to untie the slippery silk. The moment it loosened, he wrapped his arms tightly around me. We lay like that for a moment without moving and he kissed the top of my head. I could hear his heart hammering in his chest beneath my ear and he pulled me tighter, rocking me gently. Reluctantly, I pulled back just enough for him to slip out of me and I disposed of the condom. When I settled back on top of him, he wound his legs around mine, pinning me to his body. I tilted my head to look down at him, and he looked dazed and sated.

"Fuck, Bella. That was..." He sighed and his eyes fluttered closed for a moment. He kissed me gratefully and I let myself relax against his body, every bit as satisfied as he was.

He pulled me tight against him and kissed my forehead before turning onto his side and hooking a leg over mine. He slid his arm under the pillow on my side of the bed so my head was tucked up under his chin and I could feel him exhale raggedly against my hair. After a moment, his breathing came slower and deeper as his body grew heavy, his arm pinning me close to him.

"Best birthday, ever," he mumbled before he fell asleep. In minutes he was deeply asleep and I watched him for a while before I reluctantly pulled myself from his arms. I pulled on my underwear and the jersey dress I had stashed in my bag before putting the trench coat back on. I stared down at him for a moment.

"Happy birthday, Edward," I whispered before I slipped out of his apartment to head back home.

* * *

So this week was full of awesome. Not only was it Edward's birthday but it was Discordia's birthday, as well. She turned another year fabulous, so please send her some belated-birthday love. Please check out her other story _Beyond the Break Room_. It was in the top Five Fics of the Week over at The Lemonade Stand!

The song for this chapter is "With Teeth" by Nine Inch Nails youtu*be/c1uaGkwmDa0 Both Discordia and I love them; Trent Reznor is pretty much a genius. The restaurant Bella and Edward went to is called _The Spinnaker _and you can see it here: i50*tinypic*com/2vuddmh*jpg

Feel free to stop by to chat or look for teasers in the following places:  
Facebook: www* /DiscordiaWriter  
Twitter: DiscordiaWrites and kharisma2  
Tumblr: discordiawriter*tumblr*com/

(Copy and paste the links and replace the * with a period)


	23. Chapter 21: Perspective

Happy Holidays! We hope you all had a wonderful Christmas with your loved ones.

Thank you to AshesAshes for the recommendation we chose for the chapter song. "Near to You" by A Fine Frenzy The pictease is NSFW but it's rather fitting. FFn is not allowing me to link them, even replacing the . with a *, so PM me if you want to see them or go to FB or Tumblr.

Thank you to our betas, karenec, LJSummers, AshesAshes, and jakeward for their ever-faithful guidance and support.

Disclaimer: _All publicly recognizable characters, settings, etc. are the property of their respective owners. The original characters and plot are the property of the author. The author is in no way associated with the owners, creators, or producers of any media franchise. No copyright infringement is intended._

* * *

**Chapter Twenty-One: Perspective**

After I left Edward's apartment, a sudden wave of guilt washed over me. Because of Renee's nagging at dinner and my frustration with Riley, I had turned to Edward to make me feel better, but I felt terrible for using him that way. What was wrong with me? How could I keep doing this to him? Why was it so hard for me to just stay away? He had offered to be patient and support me while I tried to pull myself together, but I couldn't keep doing this. If I continued on, clinging to Riley and seeing Edward, I was going to hurt all three of us.

It wasn't fair to either of them. They both deserved better than that.

I had genuinely wanted to be with Edward and at the time, it had seemed like such a good idea. However, the more I thought about it, the more I realized I'd let my hurt and disappointment push me to sleep with Edward. He'd enjoyed it, but that wasn't the point. _I'd used him_.

I drove home feeling melancholy and disappointed in myself, the earlier euphoria of being with Edward gone. As much as I wanted to believe that Riley and I had been on the verge of possibly starting a long-distance relationship, I was starting to realize that Riley was right. Nothing had changed, and we were still living two separate lives.

With those worries eating at me, I slept restlessly that night, my mind too unsettled. In the morning, I looked haggard and worn, the nagging guilt still lingering. I tried to focus on work Monday, but I was distracted and irritable, snapping at Lauren and even Bree when the paperwork I'd been waiting for got to me a day late. I apologized immediately; Bree certainly didn't deserve it. I knew I'd hurt her feelings.

"Bree, I'm really sorry, it wasn't fair to you, you didn't do anything wrong. I just can't rely on Lauren and you usually catch anything she misses. I could have asked you about it."

She shook her head, waving away my apology. "It's fine, Bella. I know you have a lot going on."

She seemed sincere, but I hated to ever be rude to the people who worked for us. Bree was a valuable asset to Swan and Volturi; it wasn't fair of me to take it out on her.

The next few days were much the same, the only variation was a message from Edward on Wednesday. I wasn't due in court for the Price Industries case for another few weeks, so we set up lunch for Friday. I had no idea what to say exactly, but at the very least, he deserved an apology for the way I'd been treating him.

**~LTOYL~**

Thursday afternoon the bottom dropped out from under my case against Price Industries. I received a call from the court clerk demanding I meet with the assigned judge and opposing counsel. In chambers, opposing counsel presented evidence in favor of Price Industries, proving that my client's injuries were far less severe than he'd alleged. They were enough for the judge to dismiss the case. Although I'd had a nagging feeling all along that it might happen, it was still incredibly disappointing. Considering my client assured me he was on the level, I had a hard time not taking it personally. I went back to the office to re-arrange my schedule and take care of the final details of wrapping up the case. I had called Charlie on my way home from the office and he came in to meet with me about it. We talked for several hours in his office as I poured out my frustration.

"I'm sorry, Bella," he said sympathetically. "Unfortunately, cases like this happen. They're just a part of life. It doesn't make it any easier, or any less frustrating. You can't let it eat at you though. I know it's hard, but you have to move on."

"I'm just having a hard time with it. I had a nagging feeling all along that something wasn't right about his story."

He nodded, leaning forward in his chair. "The only thing I need to know, is did you try to represent your client with integrity and zeal, with the knowledge you had about the case?"

"Of course," I answered automatically.

"Then you did what any quality lawyer would have done. Now, I want you to let it go. Don't agonize about it, don't wonder what you could have done differently, just move on to the next case and give it your attention."

"I will." I exhaled, letting out some of the tension I'd been holding. I certainly wasn't over it, but I would try to focus on the next case.

"Although," Charlie said, drumming his fingers absentmindedly on the desk, "maybe you should take tomorrow off. Sleep in, relax. It would do you some good to have a little time off."

"Oh, I'm fine. I'd rather get to work on the Walker case."

"It wasn't a suggestion, Bella. It's an order. I may be your father, but I'm also your boss. You're still running yourself ragged."

He shook his head at me when I frowned and went to argue. When Charlie put his foot down, there was no use arguing. I sighed. "Fine. I'll head home now and be back here Monday."

"Good. Give me your phone."

"My phone?" I looked at him, puzzled.

"I'm turning your phone off. You need a break from everything. Go home, take a hot bath, read something that isn't work related, and get some sleep. I don't want you to do anything work related for the next three days."

"Look, that isn't necessary," I scoffed.

"I know you, Bella. You'll work until you drop. Please, do this for me." I sighed and handed over my phone, letting him shut it down.

"I mean it, no phone, no work files. Rest," he said sternly when he handed it back.

"Got it."

"I'm just doing it because I care. I worry about you, kiddo."

"I know. I appreciate the concern."

"Have a nice weekend."

"Thanks, you, too." Despite my irritation with him, I hugged him goodbye. I reluctantly left the case files I had planned to take home on my desk, then grabbed my bag and coat. I stopped by Bree's desk on the way out, apologizing again for snapping at her earlier in the week

"Bella, really, it's all right," she said with a sunny smile. "I could tell you were having a rough week."

_They were all rough weeks now,_ I thought. I forced myself to smile at Bree and said, "Well, apparently I have the day off tomorrow. Charlie told me to stay home and he's still the boss, so ..."

I shrugged and she grinned at me. "That sounds great, Bella. Do you have any plans?"

"No, I think I'll just have a quiet day at home. Maybe I'll watch trashy daytime TV."

"Perfect. Have a great time; I'll see you Monday. Don't worry; I'll take care of anything on your schedule for tomorrow. I won't let Lauren even touch it."

"Thanks, Bree. I promise, once Lauren is gone, I am going to make sure you get a huge raise, you deserve it."

She looked down bashfully. "Well, I wouldn't turn it down, but I really am glad to help."

"Honestly, I don't think we could get through the day without you here to run things."

I said goodbye and went home, feeling drained from everything that had transpired that day. My father meant well, but sending me home to relax was only going to make me sit and stew over what had happened with the case.

Later that night in attempt to distract myself, I sat down to check my personal email on my laptop after dinner.

_Hey, babe, _

_Sorry I didn't get back to you; I've been stuck at work all week, even slept in my office a few nights. This project is kicking my ass. I'm going to crash for the night; I'll call you when I can, but it might be a few more days._

_-Riley_

I tried not to make his message out to be more than it was, but it just seemed so cold and detached. It was hard not to feel like he was just brushing me off. I'd spent weeks talking to him daily, eagerly looking forward to hearing his voice. I knew he hadn't ignored me on purpose, but the idea that he hadn't even bothered to send me a quick text to let me know he was going to be busy, hurt. The truth was, no matter how much I'd wanted to believe otherwise, I wasn't the center of Riley's world anymore. My notion of making a long-distance relationship work seemed foolish now. I had been so desperate to believe that we could be together I hadn't really thought it through. I knew he was probably struggling with how to tell me no and me begging him to try a long-distance relationship when we both knew it was impossible, had been a poor choice.

He had moved to D.C. and I had promised myself I'd never make that choice harder. It was why I hadn't flown there to visit, or contacted him on a regular basis. As much as it pained me, we were over and I had to stop falling back on old habits and relying on Riley for comfort. It was hurting him, and it was hurting me.

I couldn't keep feeling torn over Edward and Riley and I knew I either needed to end things with Edward or give him more of a chance. He deserved that. He'd been nothing but thoughtful and supportive and my waffling was unfair. He might not have known what had happened with Riley over the last few weeks, but_ I_ did. And I didn't want to be that kind of a person. I didn't want to be someone who used people for my own needs with no thought of the way it was impacting them. I didn't want to be my mother.

**~LTOYL~**

In the morning I ran, wanting the physical release and clarity of mind it always brought to me. But guilt, regret, and worry knotted my stomach. Still depressed from the disappointing end to the Price Industries case I couldn't seem to shake the melancholy mood, despite the physical exertion. Even running was no longer helping me cope.

I stopped for a moment in front of the restaurant at the midpoint of my run, remembering Riley taking me there. It was a demon I hadn't managed to exorcise. It haunted me. I had treasured those little things that tied me to Riley, even if they did torture me. They were a part of what we'd had together, and I wasn't ready to let them go. Letting them go meant letting _him_ go. But in light of what had happened recently, I wondered if I should find a new running route. Though I still cherished every memory Riley and I shared, I had to start finding my way without him and the memory of our life together.

I picked up my pace again, finishing my run, my mind swarming with thoughts I couldn't control.

Back at my apartment, I showered, then sat down with a bowl of fruit and yogurt. It wasn't much, but it was more than I normally ate. I didn't really want it, but I was trying to take better care of myself. I sipped my coffee slowly, watching the sun rise over the city, wondering what to do with my life. Everything felt so out of control lately.

I appreciated that Charlie had been trying to help keep me from working myself to death, but without work, what did I have? I had made a mess of things with both Riley and Edward, and I had no hobbies. I didn't even have a pet or a houseplant. I scrubbed my hands over my face, fighting back the urge to scream in frustration. I hated my life right now and I had no idea how to make a change.

I dumped the leftover food in the trash and stuck my dishes in the dishwasher. I changed from my robe into yoga pants and a long-sleeved T-shirt. I had no plans to leave that day and there was no one I needed to impress. The apartment was clean, and I was caught up on laundry. I didn't even have any dry cleaning that needed to be picked up. I threw myself down onto the couch and picked up the remote.

I flipped through the channels, irritated that there was nothing on. Just the usual melodramatic soap operas and reality TV shows. I hardly watched TV anymore, much less daytime TV. I had forgotten how bad it was. I finally settled on the Food Network. _Barefoot Contessa_ was on and I watched, fascinated as she whipped meals together. She made it look so effortless. There was something warm and motherly about her. She reminded me of my parents' housekeeper, Carmen, actually. I sighed, realizing how sad it was that I had more fond memories of the housekeeper than I did my own mother. Carmen had always been warm and loving toward me and I'd spent many hours in the kitchen watching her bake while I did homework after school.

I watched the episode to the end, admiring the beautiful, golden brown, deep-dish apple pie Ina pulled out of the oven; I could practically able to smell the apples and cinnamon. I suddenly wanted to bake a pie. Although I'd never made a pie before in my life, they couldn't be that hard, could they? Besides, wasn't I supposed to be relaxing and doing something that wasn't work related? This was perfect, I decided, I would bake an apple pie today.

First, I turned on the iPod in the living room, cranking up the volume before going into the kitchen to see if I had the ingredients to make it. Ididn't really know much about cooking, but pie was comforting, homey, and seemed especially nice after a long, terrible week.

I began by laying everything out carefully and arranging the dishes I'd need. Almost immediately, I grew frustrated when I realized I'd need a rolling pin; I didn't own one. It crossed my mind that could go out to get one, but it seemed silly, how many pies was I really going to make? Glancing around the apartment, I wondered if I could use something else. Spying a wine bottle, I snagged it and experimentally rolled it on the counter. It wasn't great, but it seemed like it might work.

Peeling the apples was laborious and I nearly cut myself removing the core. Slicing was a little easier, and my confidence grew as I added the seasonings for the apples. I measured and mixed, finally feeling confident in this project.

The piecrust was harder though. The recipe called for a food processor, which again, I didn't have, so I mixed the dough by hand. It was a complete mess and I managed to get flour all over the kitchen. I laughed to myself-one disaster wasn't too bad, I could always clean later. As I continued, it all went fine until I went to roll the dough out. It stuck to the counter as well as the wine bottle, and when I read through the recipe again; I hadn't chilled it like the recipe called for. I gathered it up, stuck it in the refrigerator, and carefully set the timer for thirty minutes. When the time was up, I carefully rolled it out but it was hard and crumbly, not nice and round like it was supposed to be. I let out a huff, pushing it all back together, and tried rolling it out again.

As the dough warmed up it got sticky again, tearing when I tried to roll it thinner. I sighed in frustration at how badly this was going. Every time I tried, it just got worse. I finally gave up, laying it carefully in the pie plate, trying to patch the holes and make the edges even. Frustrated by the fact that it didn't look anything like Ina's crust, I dumped the apples in before covering it with the second piece that was just as ugly.

"_Maybe it wasn't the prettiest pie ever, but it would still taste good,"_ I reassured myself as I put it in the oven. I carefully set the timer on the stove and washed my hands. The kitchen and I were both a mess.

I began to wipe everything down, putting items away when I suddenly I smelt smoke; I turned around to see it pouring from the oven. Yanking the door open, I reached for it and nearly burned myself. I pulled back just in time and grabbed the potholders from the counter. As I pulled it out, tears pricked at my eyes when I realized the pie had burnt. It was dark, dark brown across the top, charred and blackened around the edges. I reached for the recipe, not understanding what I had done wrong. There was still seven minutes on the timer; it wasn't even supposed to be done, much less burnt. Throwing the paper down on the counter, I swore when I saw that the recipe had called for it to bake at four hundred degrees, _not_ four-hundred-fifty. It was so frustrating; I couldn't seem to do anything right today. It was just a simple pie, and I was completely incapable of making it. Scraping the contents of the pan into the trash, I sniffled and tried to blink back my tears.

Forcing myself to relax, I closed my eyes, leaning against the counter so I could take a deep breath. I just had to try it again. "_I _can_ do this. I graduated with honors from Georgetown law; this is _nothing_, just a silly pie,"_ I reminded myself.

Feeling determined, I measured, peeled, mixed, and rolled but the crust tore time-after-time. Finally defeated, I broke down into tears, pissed at myself for not being able to manage such a simple thing. I braced against the countertop and sobbed feeling completely inept—could I do nothing right? Suddenly, a loud voice just a few feet from me broke through the music and my crying jag. I looked up in shock to see Edward standing there, a frantic look of worry on his face, Jacob standing behind him. Jacob gave me a puzzled look and disappeared through the door, shutting it behind him. I frantically wiped at my face with my forearm, not wanting Edward to see me cry.

"What are you doing here?" My voice came out harsher than I intended.

"I was worried about you; we had plans for lunch today. You never showed. You didn't answer your phone when I called either so I was worried that something had happened to you. I thought you were sick or hurt or. . ."

"Did Jacob let you in?"

"He was worried, too."

"Fuck, can't I stay home from work for one day without people freaking out?"

He moved a little further into the room. "Are you sure you're all right?"

"I'm fine," I snapped.

"Really? Cause it looks like you lost a fight with the kitchen," he joked. It was the final straw and I lashed out at him.

"I don't need you barging in to criticize me! I'm fine! I took a day off and I decided to try baking. It didn't go so well. I'm sorry I forgot about our lunch plans. Just go back to work and stop worrying about me!" I shouted. I felt out of control, my guilt and depression making me lash out at Edward unjustly.

"Bella—" he protested.

"Just...don't, Edward. You're _not _my keeper. Honestly, between you and Jacob I feel like I have two more parents," I snapped. "I'm an adult. I can take care of myself. I don't need you checking up on me all the time."

"Bella, where is this coming from?" he asked, sounding bewildered. "I was only checking on you because I care about you. You didn't come to lunch like we planned and I was worried about you. I'd hope you'd do the same for me. I don't know why you're crying, but I want to help. Just tell me what's wrong."

I wiped at my eyes with my forearm again, my hands still covered in flour and bits of dough. "Jesus, I'm fine! I just wanted to bake something, but apparently, I'm not even capable of that. Fuck, I can't do anything right!" I looked down at the counter, my voice dropping to nearly a whisper. "No wonder Riley left. I'd be an awful wife. Maybe Renee was right. I practically drove him away. I can't even fucking make a pie," I muttered, shoving the pie plate away from me. "I'm a failure."

"Hey," he said softly, coming over to rub my back. "It doesn't matter. You don't have to make a pie. Not everyone can. There are plenty of other things you are amazing at. You're an incredible lawyer and…" his voice trailed off as I burst into tears and sank to the floor, not even noticing the sticky, doughy mess on my hands as I brought them to my face. He knelt down beside me, gently rubbing my back reassuringly. "Shhh, it's going to be all right."

"You don't understand, Edward," I said hysterically. "My case got screwed up, I can't bake a pie, and I'm starting to wonder if there's anything I can do right. I can't even make it to lunch with you when we make plans. I'm disappointing you all the time and I can't seem to stop. I just feel like a complete failure," I sobbed.

"Look at me," he said gently. "I think you're an incredible, amazing woman. You can do anything you put your mind to. So what if the pie didn't turn out? It's not the end of the world, you can make another one."

"It's my second pie," I wailed. He pulled me close, letting me cry on his shoulder.

"So, you make a third one. I'll even help. I've never made a pie either. We can make a mess together, all right?"

"I barely had enough apples to make the second one!" I sniffled.

"Then we will run out first to get whatever we need." He tilted my chin up so he could kiss me softly. "You can do anything. I have faith in you, okay?"

"Okay," I said in a small voice. I stared into his worried grey-blue eyes and noticed the way he was studying my face, like he was afraid I was going to burst into tears again. I leaned forward and pressed my lips to his, suddenly needing his touch to reassure me that everything would be all right. Although he held himself stiffly for a moment, eventually he relaxed into it. I softened against him as his tongue slipped between my lips, no longer caring about the messy kitchen and ruined pies. I wound my fingers in his hair and kissed him, pulling him up so we were both kneeling, our bodies pressed tightly together from lips to knees. His hands clamped down on my hips, as he began to harden against me.

"Edward. . ." I exhaled against his lips and he tilted his head, his tongue moving more deeply in my mouth, the kiss needy and intense. I clutched at his back, tugging at the fabric of his suit jacket, wanting it off him. I leaned back a little without separating our lips, just far enough to slip my hands under the lapels of the jacket, pushing it to the floor. He pulled me back against his body and cradled the back of my head in his palm, his other hand on my hip, pulling me into him. I heard myself moan loudly as he let go of me to lift my shirt over my head, only pulling his lips away from mine long enough to work the shirt off me. My fingers moved to his shirt, yanking it from his pants impatiently, fumbling with the buttons to open his shirt. I ran my hands down his chest, the kiss still frantic. I felt his breath hot on my cheek when he tore his mouth from mine long enough to gasp for air as he eagerly unhooked my bra, throwing it to the floor. I ran my hands down his chest, quickly unbuckled his belt, sliding one hand down to cup his erection, even as the other hand worked at the button and zipper of the pants.

"Fuck, Bella." He groaned and threw his head back, the muscles in his jaw clenching tightly as I finally pushed the pants down his thighs. I rubbed my thumb over the tip of his cock through the fabric of his boxer briefs making him moan. His hands slid to my waist, working the fabric of my pants over my hips as he dipped his head to take my nipple in his mouth, sucking and flicking it until I cried out. I pushed my body against his fingers where they were stroking me through the soft fabric of my underwear. I slipped my hand beneath his pants and wrapped my fingers around his cock. With a suddenness that surprised me, he yanked his hand from between my thighs and lowered me to the floor. I looked up at him, panting hard as he knelt over me. His hair was wild and disheveled from my hands, his lips wet from my kiss. He roughly pulled the remaining clothes from my body, fumbling in his wallet for a condom. I drank in the sight of him lightly stroking himself as he put it on and I reached a hand down to touch between my thighs.

"Let me," he said roughly, as he lowered himself over me. He pushed his pants aside and parted my thighs, thrusting into me with a desperate groan of pleasure. My body stretched to accommodate him and I clutched at his back, under his shirt, my fingernails digging into his skin. One of his hands cupped the back of my head, cushioning it from the floor as he drove into me. I could feel the coolness of the floor behind me and Edward's heated skin rubbing against my chest.

"More!" I panted, grabbing at his hips to force him deeper into me. "I need you, Edward."

"I'm right here—" He gasped "—I have you."

His mouth roughly met mine and his tongue plunged in to taste me before retreating. He took my lower lip between his teeth, biting down just hard enough to sting a little. I gripped his hair with one hand, forcing his head to tilt to the side as I kissed along his jaw over to his ear. He grabbed one of my hands, pulling it up over my head to entwine our fingers. I cried out in pleasure as I felt my body begin to clench around him.

"Edward," I choked out and he picked up his pace; the pleasure rushed through me so fast I felt myself grow light-headed. His fingers tightened on mine as I shuddered against him. My other hand reached to pull his hip tighter against mine. As my orgasm wracked my body, I heard him groan deeply as he ground his body along mine. I opened my eyes to see him with his head thrown back, the muscles in his throat and jaw clenched tightly, his lips parted as he came. Even after he finally stopped coming, I felt my body quivering with small aftershocks of pleasure.

With a low, contented sound, he lowered himself to the floor next to me. He rolled onto his back drawing me with him, his arm pulling me against him so my head was resting on his shoulder, my left leg over top of his. He pressed a kiss to my forehead and I relaxed, reaching to play with the soft trail of hair below his navel. I giggled when I saw that he was covered in flour and bits of dough. What had been on my hands was all over his body now. He squeezed me tighter and looked down at me. "What's so funny?" His lips turned up at the corners into a small smile.

"You're a mess," I pointed out, the release of tension making me giddy and unable to stop laughing. He chuckled and I let out a snort when I realized his hair was covered in flour, too, with white streaks throughout.

"You are, too." He pointed at my hip and I saw a white hand print in flour. He brushed some more off my arm, chuckling. "This is _not _what I expected when I came over."

"I think it was just what I needed," I admitted.

"Good." He kissed the top of my head. "Anything else I can do?" he asked with a smirk and a wink.

"Feel like taking a shower with me?"

"I suppose I can manage that. I _have_ been neglecting my duties."

"Your duties?" I sat up and looked at him quizzically.

He traced a finger down from my shoulder to just above my nipple. "As your personal manservant, remember?"

I smirked. "Oh that's right. I think you owe me."

I swallowed hard as I watched him stand, admiring the way his lean muscles flexed with his movement. His body was so beautiful. He shrugged out of his shirt and dropped it to floor beside his suit jacket. He stepped out of his pants and underwear, leaving them on the floor. They were covered in flour and little bits of dough. I winced at the mess I—we'd made of them.

"Coming?" he asked, sounding amused. "Or are you going to spend the rest of the afternoon staring at my naked body?"

"Well," I said as he helped me up, "there are worse ways to spend my time."

"You can always do it in the shower, come on."

"I'm sorry about your suit, by the way," I said.

He gave me an amused smile. "Well, you can pay for the dry cleaning if you feel that bad, but it was worth the sacrifice," he said with a wink.

I followed him into the guest bedroom to the shower. He turned on the water and quickly removed the condom, disposing it in the trashcan. We stepped inside the shower once it was warm and he helped me wash the sticky dough from my hands. The euphoria of my orgasm was beginning to fade and I suddenly felt embarrassed by my earlier breakdown.

"I wish I knew what you were thinking," he said softly, tracing his thumb across my cheek bone.

"It doesn't matter." I shrugged and he pulled me close, his arms drawing my body flush with his.

"It does."

"Edward," I said, cupping his cheeks in my hand. "I just had a horrible couple of weeks. I'm sorry I acted so crazy, earlier. I'm glad you're here."

"Me, too. I care about you, Bella..."

I didn't know how to respond so I reached for my shampoo but he gently pushed my hand aside to pick it up. "Let me."

He washed my hair, and the sensation of his strong fingers massaging my scalp made me moan. "How does that feel?" he asked softly after he'd rinsed the shampoo out. I opened my eyes to look at him.

"Fantastic, Edward, thank you."

I reached for the conditioner, but he pushed my hand away again. "You aren't very good at letting someone else take care of you, are you?" he chastised me.

I swallowed the lump in my throat and shook my head.

"I don't want to push you too much, Bella, but I would like it if you'd let me try to take care of you sometimes. Just try to think about it before you automatically push me away."

I ran my fingertips down his cheek, leaning in to kiss his jaw as he massaged the conditioner in. "I'll try," I said softly. He smiled at me and I stood on my toes to reach his lips. Water dripped from his lashes onto his cheeks as we kissed and he wound one hand in my hair and the other arm wrapped around my waist.

"I was so worried about you," he said hoarsely.

"I'm sorry" He nodded and I laid my head against his shoulder, his cheek against the crown of my head. We stood under the water without speaking for a long time. I took a deep breath and spoke quietly. "I lost a case yesterday, and I took it really hard."

"Did you consider calling me?"

"No," I admitted.

I felt him nod. "I wish there was a way I could be the person you turned to when life gets crazy, Bella."

"Edward, when Riley left—" I swallowed hard, still having a hard time discussing him "—when he left, I pushed everyone away. Even his sister—who I was really close with—stopped talking to me, so I had no one. Vanessa is fun, but she's just not someone I'm close to in that way. You've met Renee; she's not exactly the comforting type. I've been completely alone since."

"I know. But you're not alone anymore." His hand moved across my back, stroking softly, soothingly.

"I feel like I'm using you," I blurted out and lifted my head to look at him. "The other night, at _Spinnakers_, I told you I had some things I needed to figure out, and I do. I've been thinking about them a lot lately." My throat tightened and my voice came out a whisper. "I feel guilty, I just showed up at your place, fucked you, and left. I was hurting and I used you to make myself feel better."

Edward's brow wrinkled as he thought for a moment. His left hand moved to grip my waist, holding me firmly against his body and his other reached up to cup my chin. When he spoke, his thumb lightly brushed back and forth along my jawline. "Look, I'm going to be very honest here, Bella. I knew you were struggling. I knew when you showed up that it was probably a big part of that. Maybe your motives weren't the healthiest. You needed to feel in control and I let you have that. I could have told you no, but when you turn up at my door in nothing but a trench coat and boots, well, I respond to that. I'm human, too." He smiled softly, pulling me tighter against his hard chest.

"Bella, neither of us have defined our relationship. Neither of us have said what we expected of the other or what we even _are_ to each other. I just told you I was here for you when you needed me and asked to be the refuge you seek, instead some stranger from a bar. You agreed to try. I don't have any expectations that I'm your boyfriend or that you need to constantly check in with me. I know you have things going on you're dealing with on your own. And that's okay." I looked down, the truth in his words making me fight to keep control of my emotions. Edward's hand slid to the back of my neck, lightly gripping my the back of my head as his fingers tangled in my hair.

"I told you to let me worry about what I need out of this and I am." His words caught my attention and I looked up at him again. "Maybe one of us should have stopped, but I won't lie, that was some pretty incredible sex and it was what you and I both needed at the time." We both chuckled lightly and I shifted in his embrace.

"I don't know." He sighed. "Maybe what I'm offering isn't helping you. But I think—I hope—if you give things a chance it could be good for both of us." His tone was faintly frustrated but the conviction was clear in his voice.

"As far as you leaving after, you've been very upfront about your feelings about spending the night together and I understand that you're not there yet. Did I want you to stay? Sure, of course I did. Was I surprised or hurt in the morning when you were gone? No. A bit disappointed maybe, but that's on me." Again, hearing his words and feeling the guilt of disappointing him, made tears prick at my eyes.

Edward reached down and took both of my hands, bringing them up between us. "My point is this: I offered to be here for you and that's exactly what I've been doing. You needed someone and came to me like I asked. So don't beat yourself up over it. You're a beautiful woman and you're just a little lost right now. I'm glad you came over-even if it wasn't for the right reasons."

"It scares me sometimes, Edward," I said, trying hard not to cry.

"What does?"

I couldn't hold the tears back any long and one slipped down my cheek, mixing with the hot water from the shower flowing down our bodies. "Who I am right now. What I've become. I don't like it. I don't like how I've treated you. Charlie raised me to be a better person than that."

"Then change," he said simply, brushing my tears away. "I know it's not always as simple as that, but being aware something is the first step in making changes. I can't begin to know what's going on in your head or what you're struggling with. But know that I'm well aware that you _are_ struggling and although I won't deny that I'd love to see you let go of your past and be happy, I know that's a long ways away. I'm here for you, Bella. In whatever capacity you need. I'm glad to hear that you care about my feelings in all of this, it just proves to me that no matter how lost or hurting right now, you're the incredible woman I think you are. You've made mistakes, but so have I. Just be open to me, okay?" He took me in his embrace again, hugging me tightly. I nestled my head against his chest, reveling in the closeness.

"I will," I promised. I was relieved by Edward's words, but they were also a reminder that if I chose to continue to see him, I had to be more aware of what I was doing. He was too good of a man to take for granted. I wanted to be the woman he saw me as. In his eyes, I was strong and beautiful but I felt weak, like a shadow of the woman I had been before. But he was right; I could change and be the woman he wanted me to be, the woman he saw behind the confusion and poor choices. All I had to do was try.

"I hope you know that I don't think it makes you weak to need someone. If I called you because I had a shitty day and wanted to spend time with you, would you think less of me?"

"Of course not, Edward," I responded automatically pulling back to look at him.

"Hmm…" he said softly.

"I'm sorry I missed lunch," I apologized. "I know my track record isn't so good, but I won't do that to you again," I reassured him and he nodded.

"I hope not." He kissed my forehead sweetly as I relaxed against him.

"Edward . . . touch me." I looked up at him, hopefully expressing what I wanted through my eyes.

He pulled away just far enough to look at me, smiled, then brushed his thumb across my lower lip. "I can do that."

He turned us, gently pushing me back against the glass of the shower. I waited patiently while he squeezed a little body wash into his hands and rubbed them together. His eyes met mine with a bright gleam and I smiled at him, eager for him to begin. He began with my left hand, slowly washing every inch of my body.

It had its desired effect, washing away the frustrations of losing the case and the failed baking. "Thank you," I said once he finished.

"All you ever have to do is ask, Bella," he said, his eyes intent on mine.

* * *

So what do you think? Will Bella be able to let go of Riley and finally give Edward the chance he truly deserves? Were you surprised to hear what Edward had to say? Who else here has used a wine bottle in a pinch as a rolling pin? Here's mine:  . :large

We'll see you all next week in the new year!

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	24. Chapter 22 - Growth

Happy New Year! We hope you all made it through the holidays and are ready to face 2013. Pretty sure most of you will recognize the song we chose for this chapter. It just has a happy feel for their date, don't you think? "Northern Lights" by Cider Sky www*youtube*com/watch?v=GY1GhBB4dcY

Pic Tease: i49*tinypic*com/2w2h56c*jpg

Thank you to karenec, LJSummers, AshesAshes, and jakeward for sprinkling your magic fairy dust over this chapter.

Disclaimer: _All publicly recognizable characters, settings, etc. are the property of their respective owners. The original characters and plot are the property of the author. The author is in no way associated with the owners, creators, or producers of any media franchise. No copyright infringement is intended._

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**Chapter Twenty-Two: Growth **

After the pie-making disaster, I resolved to make more of an effort with Edward. We had spent the afternoon together at my place. Instead of going out to lunch, we ordered Thai food for delivery and Edward worked via mobile rest of the day. We spent a good portion of the day in bed, and by the time Edward left that evening, I felt thoroughly and completely calm. We'd even managed to make a semi-presentable pie together. It wasn't the prettiest pie ever, but it tasted great and I felt a glow of accomplishment that we'd succeeded.

While I was debating asking him to stay, he'd already made plans for that night, so I reluctantly kissed him goodbye at my door. The rest of the weekend passed slowly, but I'd actually found it quite relaxing. I'd spent some time reading a book and even managed to sleep in a little bit on Saturday. Edward was busy, but we texted a few times throughout the weekend.

I felt rested and refreshed when I went into work on Monday. Charlie beamed at me when he saw me.

"You look great," he said. "How was your weekend?"

"It was really good," I said honestly. "You were right, I needed some down time."

"Wonderful. I was just dropping by to fill you in on a few things then I'm headed out to the golf course. Aro is meeting me there."

Charlie and I spent an hour or so going over cases. I hugged him goodbye when he left. "Have a great day with Aro; tell him I said hi."

"I will. Keep taking care of yourself, Bella," he said.

"Thanks."

I caught up on emails and phone calls that morning, and after I'd finished my lunch I called Edward. I tossed my salad container in the trash as I waited for him to pick up his cell phone.

"Hello?" he answered, sounding distracted.

"Hey, Edward."

"Bella."

"Did I catch you at a bad time?" I asked.

"Kind of, I have a meeting in about fifteen minutes. I am glad you called though."

"I'll make it quick then, do you want to do something tonight?" I asked.

"Sure. What were you thinking?"

"A movie, maybe? I mean, if you're into movies."

He chuckled. "Yeah, I am. I don't get out to the movies often though, so this will be nice."

"Great, let's meet at my place at seven then. We could do dinner before the movie, if you'd like."

"That sounds great," he said warmly. "I'm really looking forward to it. Want me to figure out a place for dinner?"

"I'll take care of it," I offered. "See you at seven."

"Have a good rest of the day."

"Thanks, you too, Edward."

After I hung up, I took a few minutes to look for a restaurant. The theater was in walking distance of my apartment and I found a restaurant on the way. Grateful for the option to make a reservation online, I quickly did and then set an alarm on my phone to remind me when I needed to head home.

I spent the rest of the day immersed in countless phone calls for the Walker case. Three hours later, I finally felt like I had something concrete. I conferred with Patrick and Alyssa about their cases and at quarter to six, there was a quiet knock on my door and Vanessa peered her head in. "I'm headed out. Want to do something tonight?"

I shook my head and began to pack up my things. "I have plans tonight."

"With Edward?" She grinned and gave me a wink.

"Yes. What are you doing tonight?"

"Going to a bar. I met a guy there last weekend as he was leaving with some friends. But he slipped me his card and said he'd be back tonight at nine if I was interested. I figured I'd show up at ten and if he's still there waiting I'll give him a shot. He was really hot."

I laughed and shook my head at her constant games with men. "What's his name? Or should I even bother to care since you'll be done with him after tonight?"

"Ouch, you make me sound like a man-eater. His name is Afton," she said with a knowing smirk.

"Hmm, interesting name."

"Afton Sinclaire, I think." I could hear the question in her voice.

I snorted and finished packing my bag. "Sounds pretentious."

"So? I'm going to _fuck_ him, not _marry_ him."

"True. Well, have fun with that."

I shut down my computer and put on my coat while Vanessa waited for me. "Oh I will," she assured me. "Sadly, last weekend's guy was kind of a dud, so I'm hopeful this one will be better."

The office was nearly deserted except for a light on in one of the conference rooms where Tom and John were meeting with Alec. Several paralegals sat around a large table covered in stacks of books and legal pads. Sue was setting out takeout containers on the other end of the table, and I could hear Alec loudly disagreeing with Tom about something. "Big criminal case coming up?" I asked Vanessa. She nodded.

"Huge. Have you seen the one on the news about the guy who strangled his wife?"

I nodded, raising an eyebrow at her in surprise. "We're taking on that case?" I asked, pushing the down button for the elevator.

"Alec is." She pursed her lips in annoyance. "Honestly, I'm glad it's not my case. I think the guy is shady as hell and I wouldn't want to represent him."

I sighed. "I guess it's Alec's prerogative, but I dislike him taking cases like this. He's not a bad lawyer, but I'd be a lot more confident if someone else was heading it. It's such a high profile case and if we lose, it could really put the firm in a bad light. I hope he knows what he's doing."

"I do, too," Vanessa admitted. "I don't like putting the firm in jeopardy any more than you do, Bella."

"I miss Aro."

"Yeah, me, too. I think he's coming in sometime this week," she said.

"Good. I haven't seen him in a while."

We chatted about inconsequential things on the elevator ride downstairs and I said goodbye at the door. "Have a great night, Ness!"

"You, too, Bella. Enjoy Edward."

I waved goodbye before heading outside while she went to the parking ramp to collect her car. I walked home quickly, debating what to wear tonight.

When I got in my apartment, I quickly changed into a pleated cotton twill skirt, a summery floral print shirt and coordinating cardigan. I took a few moments to pick out a necklace and pair of earrings, along with a pretty cluster ring made up of pale pink stones. I touched up my makeup and smoothed my hair before slipping into cork wedge heels. I took a quick glance in the mirror at my outfit, eyeing myself critically. I was pleased.

I was switching my phone and wallet from my briefcase to my purse when I heard a quiet knock on the door. I opened it to see Edward smiling at me. He was dressed in dark grey pants and a lighter pearl grey button down with the sleeves rolled up.

"Hi," I said, my voice coming out a little more breathless than I intended when I saw him.

"Hi." He leaned down and gave me a slow, lingering kiss. "How was your day?"

"It was good. How was yours?"

"Busy. Exhausting actually."

"We could stay in, if you'd rather," I offered, but he shook his head.

"No, I'm looking forward to going out."

I grabbed my purse, taking the arm he offered me after I closed and locked the door behind us. "So, I made reservations at _Oola's_. It's on the way and I've been there once before and enjoyed the food."

"Sounds good. I've heard of it, but never eaten there."

I waved at Jacob and Seth who were talking quietly at the desk as we made our way through the lobby. On the short walk to the restaurant, I asked Edward about his day.

He sighed. "Well, I'm dealing with some bullshit at work. I'm having a bit of a disagreement with one of the other curators."

"I'm sorry," I said, knowing all too well what it was like to have issues with a difficult co-worker.

He shrugged, letting out another long sigh. "It'll all blow over eventually. I just need to put it from my mind and enjoy tonight with you. I've been looking forward to this all day."

"Me, too," I said sincerely. "Vanessa asked me if I wanted to go out tonight and honestly, I was glad to be able to turn her down. This sounded so much better than going to a club with her and watching her pick up guys."

He chuckled. "I'm glad I'm at least a step above that."

"You're many steps above that," I reassured him. He smiled down at me, his eyes soft and warm.

"I'm really glad to hear that." I squeezed his bicep where I had been holding on to him.

"When was the last time you saw a movie?" he asked.

"A year and a half ago? No, maybe longer than that. I'm not even sure. Work keeps me too busy. You?"

"It hasn't been quite that long for me. Maybe six months. But I do enjoy it."

"Oh I do, too. Did you have something in mind for tonight?"

"I don't even know what's playing," he admitted, holding the door to the restaurant open as we reached it. I gave my name to the hostess who led us to a table and seated us promptly. It was a fairly small restaurant, long and narrow with booths lining the back, with one long brick sidewall. The other side was the bar area and the floors were a rustic looking concrete which contrasted nicely with the velvet upholstered chairs and bench backs. There were gauzy curtains hanging from the gold wallpapered ceiling and a blue glass partition on the upper level. It was stylish without being too trendy and I'd really enjoyed the food every time I'd eaten there.

We both ordered drinks, and Edward ordered the cheese plate for us to share as we each picked out our entrees.

"Do you want to figure out what movie to go to?" he asked, pulling out his phone once the waitress brought our drinks and appetizer. I took an appreciative sip of the Watermelon Cosmopolitan the restaurant was well known for and nodded at him.

We discussed several options before deciding on a psychological thriller that had just come out. There were a number of different show times over the next few hours so I was confident we could make it to one of them.

"Let's just head over after we finish dinner," I suggested. "We can go to whatever showing is next. That way we don't have to feel like we need to rush dinner."

"Sounds good." Edward said. We settled into a conversation about some of the events happening in San Francisco over the next few weeks as we sipped our drinks and ate the appetizer.

"I'm sorry we missed the Food and Wine Festival at the end of July," Edward said. "I didn't realize it was going on. I would have loved to have taken you."

"I've never gone," I said. "That would have been wonderful though." We exchanged smiles and he reached out to brush his fingers across the back of my hand.

"I've gone a couple of times, but not in a few years," Edward replied. "It's always packed, and it can get a little overwhelming, but it was worth it. There's just so much to see. One year, I went two days in a row just to be able to try everything they had to offer. Which was a step up from the time I tried to fit it all into one day and I was sick to my stomach by the time I was done."

I chuckled, imagining Edward staggering home, slightly drunk and overfed.

"You poor dear," I said and he shot me a look, knowing very well that I was teasing him.

"I don't think I'll be doing that again," he said dryly.

I had just opened my mouth to speak when the waitress brought over our entrees. We both thanked her and were quiet for a few minutes while we enjoyed our dinners.

"I was thinking maybe we could go check out some of the festivals coming up in the next few weeks," I offered and Edward looked up at me in surprise. I winced when I realized it was the first time I had really made plans with him for anything more than a few days away.

"That would be great," he said. "Just let me know when you want to go. I know your schedule is a little less flexible than mine."

"I will," I promised him. "Things are getting down to the wire with one of my cases. We go to court soon, but I should at least have a weekend afternoon off.

"If we can make it, I'd like to go to The Nihonmachi Street Fair," I suggested. It was usually packed with musical, cultural entertainment, and unique Asian American arts. I had a feeling Edward would love it.

"That sounds great," Edward said smiling at me. "I went a while ago and really enjoyed it."

"I'm looking forward to it."

He told me stories about going to a couple of San Francisco events with his family and I listened attentively. They sounded so close and in a way, I was envious of his relationship with Alice and her husband, Jasper—not to mention the one he had with his parents. I loved Charlie, but the older I got and the more my mother and I drifted apart, the more I wished for a large, close family.

After the waitress came to clear our empty plates, Edward asked, "So, what sounds good for dessert?"

I took a moment to look over the menu. "Is bread pudding okay with you?" I asked.

"Absolutely."

When the waitress returned he ordered the dessert and two cappuccinos. "You assumed I wanted coffee, huh?"

He grimaced. "I'm sorry; I didn't mean to be presumptuous."

I shook my head and laughed, reaching forward to take his hand and reassure him. "It's fine, Edward, I'm just teasing you. I would have ordered it myself if you hadn't."

His tense shoulders lowered. "Good."

"I'm sorry I've made you feel like you need to walk on eggshells with me. You shouldn't have to do that." I ran my thumb across the bare skin of his inner wrist, feeling his pulse flutter under the skin.

"Bella, I'm willing to do whatever it takes to make this work." He covered my hand with his other one, trapping mine between his hands. They were warm as they covered mine; it made me feel small and safe.

"I sincerely appreciate it." I looked down at the table. "You deserve better than the way I've treated you."

"I won't lie to you and say that it's been easy. But every evening like this makes it worthwhile. I like you very much, Bella." I looked up to meet his eyes. They were sincere, steady as they met mine. "I find you fascinating to talk to and when we're both able to relax and enjoy our time together, it's always good. I know miracles won't happen overnight. If we keep doing what we're doing right now, we'll be fine. I won't push you into anything you don't want."

"Thanks . . ." I said, blinking back tears. I didn't want the mood of the evening to turn heavy so I just left it at that.

Edward leaned forward like he was going to kiss me, but the waitress arrived with our desserts. We both sat back as she placed our coffees in front of us, and then put the dessert on the table. I welcomed the interruption.

"And here is your vanilla _Frangelico brioche_ bread pudding with fresh raspberries and whipped _crème frâiche_. Please, let me know if there is anything else I can get for you."

We thanked her and Edward handed me a fork. I took the first bite, moaning quietly at the taste. "This is so good," I said.

He grinned at me, clearly pleased that I was enjoying it. We both spoke very little while we devoured our dessert. When there was one bite left on the plate, he pushed it toward me. "Go for it."

"You sure?"

"I'm sure. Watching you enjoy it is even better than enjoying it myself." He grinned at me; his eyes sparkling.

"I feel greedy, but this is too good to turn down," I admitted, polishing off the last bite. His eyes lingered as I licked my lips after.

Once we paid for dinner, he escorted me out of the restaurant, his hand resting on my lower back as we walked to the theater. The sun was setting and the sky was lit in shades of red-gold, fading up to a lighter apricot, blending with the dark bluish black toward the East.

"I always wish I was an artist when I see a sunset like this," I said wistfully.

"It is beautiful," Edward said. "I'd like to find a large format photograph of the city at sunset to put in my office."

"Your office at work, or home?"

"Home. I'd hang it right over my desk, I think."

"It would look gorgeous in your bedroom," I said. "It would pick up the rust color of your sheets."

"Hmm," Edward mused. "You're right. You might give my mother and sister a run for their money. You have a very good eye."

"I know what _I_ like," I said. "I don't think I'd be nearly as good at picking something out for someone with vastly different taste."

"There is an art to that," Edward admitted.

For a few minutes we walked in silence, enjoying the sight of the city at sunset. Edward's hand dropped from my lower back to reach for my hand and I took it without hesitation. The look he gave me was one of relief and gratitude.

I had meant what I'd said at dinner. I hated the times I had been thoughtless and unintentionally cruel toward him. Edward was too good of a person, too good to me, to treat so carelessly. I hoped I could make it up to him. I wondered what he saw in my eyes when I looked at him. I wondered if he saw how sincere I was, how much I really was trying with him.

A large group of noisy drunks passed by us and Edward steered me to the side, turning his body to shield me as they shouldered their way past us. I was a woman used to walking alone in a large city, and yet Edward somehow managed to be solicitous and caring without acting like I was incapable of taking care of myself.

I squeezed his hand and moved a bit closer, walking close enough that our arms brushed together. The silence between us was comfortable. We never had a lack of things to say but sometimes it was nice to be silent and not feel the need for mindless chatter.

The theater was on our right as we turned the corner onto Van Ness Avenue. It was a seven-story multi-plex. I had been there once or twice. We entered the theater on the first floor and wandered around for a few minutes trying to find the ticket counter. The facility was packed with meeting halls and art. There were sculptures and paintings on display and Edward and I both found ourselves distracted with different pieces. We slowly wandered through the displays, the movie all but forgotten.

"Look at this one, Edward," I said tugging on his hand. He tore his eyes away from the piece he was looking at and stepped closer to me, his other hand coming to rest on my hip, his chin on the top of my head.

"Oh, I like that," he said. "That's…very striking."

It was a bronze sculpture made of twisting, twining spirals that drew your eye around the piece in a fluid sweep of metal. We spent a few minutes just staring at it before Edward commented.

"I have the hardest time not wanting to touch pieces like this."

"Mmm, me, too. You should see me in the sculpture rooms at museums. There's always a guard glaring at me when I get too close."

He chuckled and kissed my temple. "I think that means we should buy pieces like this, so no one can lecture us about it."

I laughed and we continued on our way, working our way through the art on display. After a while, Edward stopped and pulled out his phone. "I think we might have missed the showing for our movie," he said.

"Really? Oops. What time is it?"

"Well, it's just a few minutes before nine. So we missed the eight thirty. Hmm, there's another showing at nine twenty though, we can head to that one."

"Okay," I agreed. "I think we need to go up a floor to find the actual theater."

We found an escalator taking us up to the second floor and a number of kiosks where you could print out tickets that you'd purchased online, but there was nowhere to actually buy them. We also found a beautiful garden area with a fountain and statues, but no theater. The corridors were very dark despite the plain white walls and there didn't seem to be signs anywhere. We both grew more and more perplexed as we continued on. Edward finally spotted a door he thought might lead us to the theater area, but instead it led outside. We stood on the street, completely bewildered by how we'd ended up there.

"Hmm," Edward mused. "There must be a street entrance on the first and second floors. I guess this is what we get living in a city as hilly as San Francisco."

We turned around to go back inside but it was locked. We both burst into laughter and walked down the sidewalk back to the entrance we'd come in before. We entered on the first floor and went up to the second again, but got lost in the labyrinth of unmarked corridors. This time when we went through a door and ended up on the street again, Edward held the door before it could slam shut behind us.

"Well, we have two choices," he said, frowning. "We can head back inside, and hope we can find someone to ask, buy tickets, and get into the theater before our movie starts, or we can do something else tonight. I'm really sorry, Bella, I know you wanted to see a movie."

I shrugged. "It's not a big deal, Edward. Honestly, I am having a great time tonight. It doesn't matter if we see a movie or not, I'm just enjoying my time with you."

His face softened and he let the door close behind him with a muted thud. He stepped closer to me, letting go of my hand to reach up and touch my face. "I'm having a good time with you, too. I just didn't want you to be disappointed."

I wondered if I really seemed that rigid and inflexible to Edward. Then again, he'd hardly seen me at my best. "It's absolutely fine if we miss the movie, Edward. We can go some other time; it really doesn't matter to me. Honestly, I don't think I've laughed so much in a really long time."

He chuckled. "That was pretty funny. I've never seen a place so badly labeled. And why didn't there seem to be a single person who works there?"

I shook my head, amused. "I have no idea. Next time we'll have to leave an hour earlier."

He pulled me into a hug and I wound my arms around him, liking the feel of his strong arms around me. "What would you like to do now?"

A part of me was tempted to suggest that we go back to my place, but the other part was really enjoying just being out with Edward. I wanted him, there was no question about that, but I didn't want what we had together to be completely about sex. "I don't know," I said. "Maybe we should just wander and see what we find. If we run across something we want to do we can always stop."

"I like that idea," he said, smiling down at me.

We headed back in the general direction of my place, but walked slowly, taking in the sights and sounds of the city around us. The sun had set completely and the lights of the city twinkled. There was a light breeze and a bit of fog was starting to roll in, but the temperature was still comfortable for walking. I felt myself relax, the stress of work and life melting away as I focused on Edward's hand in mine.

"San Francisco has such a unique feel," he said softly. "There's no other city like it in the world. I can't imagine ever wanting to leave here."

"I can't either," I agreed. "Stanford was amazing, and so was Georgetown, but apart from that, I've never wanted to live anywhere else."

"I could probably be persuaded to travel to Europe often though."

I grinned. "Me, too. But I don't think it would take much persuasion."

"So you wouldn't object if I took you to Paris for a week?"

"I would love to go to Paris for a week," I began. "But—"

Edward cut me off. "I'm not who you want to go with." He said it without malice or accusation but I winced at the tinge of hurt in his voice. I couldn't deny that I had always dreamed of being in Paris with Riley, but the thought of exploring the city with Edward _was_ tantalizing. We could easily spend a week in the art museums alone—more than a week, really, months, maybe years.

"But I don't have a week to take off work," I finished. "I think a week in Paris with you would be incredible. I just don't have that kind of flexibility with my schedule right now. A day or two here and there is about all I can manage."

He nodded, the tightness in his face easing as he leaned over to kiss my temple. He didn't apologize for his assumption, and I didn't expect him to. "I guess I'll just have to see what incredible things I can find to show you here in San Francisco."

"I'm looking forward to it."

He stopped and kissed me, surprising me with his sudden ardor. His tongue was persuasive and insistent against my own and despite the fact that we were on the public sidewalk, I didn't hesitate to kiss him back.

When he pulled away, I took a moment to collect myself, my breath still coming hard and fast. "What was that for?" I asked, smiling up at him.

"I just wanted to kiss you," he said, tenderly stroking his thumb across my cheek.

"Okay." I suspected there was more to it than that, but he would tell me if he really wanted to. And I'd never complain about Edward wanting to kiss me.

We began to walk again and it wasn't long before we were back at my building. I greeted Jacob with a smile that he returned and we headed to the elevators. Edward walked me to my apartment door but stopped there and didn't follow me inside when I unlocked the door and went in. I turned to face him and he sighed. "I have a very early meeting tomorrow, so I think I better head home."

"That's too bad," I said gently. "But I understand."

He leaned down and kissed me, his hand cupping the back of my head, as he tasted my mouth slowly and thoroughly again.

"Tonight was wonderful; thank you," he said when he pulled away.

"I had a great time, too."

He rubbed his thumb across my cheekbone for a moment. "I felt like I was seeing the real you tonight. I love it when you're so happy and relaxed."

I nodded and swallowed past the tightness in my throat. "I'm trying."

"I know, I can tell. I'll be patient, Bella. For as long as you need."

I would have cried if I'd tried to speak, so instead I thanked him with a kiss. I kissed him deeply, desperately, trying to convey how he made me feel, even if I couldn't say it without dissolving into tears. Edward had already proven how patient he was willing to be. He was a good man and I was starting to realize that even though Edward said he wanted nothing in return from me, I was wanting to give him more and _be_ more to him.

Our deep kisses turned to slower, teasing pecks and we finally pulled back a little. He was as aroused as I was, his eyes dark and intense.

"Would you like to do something with me tomorrow?" he asked after we took a moment to let our breathing slow.

I nodded, looking forward to spending more time with him. "What did you have in mind?" I asked breathlessly.

"We could go to the market and get ingredients to make dinner back at my place."

"That sounds nice. Where do you want to meet?"

"I can pick you up here."

"Okay."

With one last, slow lingering kiss, he said goodnight and I went inside. I went to bed, disappointed that Edward wasn't there to fall asleep beside me.

Aww, she misses him! Hope you enjoyed the chapter and thank you to all of you who shared your pie baking experiences and makeshift rolling pins with us. We'll see you next Thursday for chapter twenty-three. In the meantime, check out Discordia's new oneshot. It's called _On the Stroke of Midnight _and you can find it listed in her profile.

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	25. Chapter 23: Learning

Wow, what a response after last chapter. You guys are definitely pleased with the direction things are headed. We heard from several new readers who've just started the story. Welcome to our crazy train.

The song for this chapter is "Take You Away" by Angus & Julia Stone youtu*be/kRSkirrYWUQ. If you consider it from Edward's perspective, it's pretty perfect. The pictease was taken by Georgina. i46*tinypic*com/20fx4l4*jpg Thank you so much for sharing with us.

Thank you to our betas: Karenec, LJ Summers, AshesAshes, and Jakeward.

Disclaimer: _All publicly recognizable characters, settings, etc. are the property of their respective owners. The original characters and plot are the property of the author. The author is in no way associated with the owners, creators, or producers of any media franchise. No copyright infringement is intended._

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**Chapter Twenty-Three: Learning**

Work passed quickly the following day. I was too busy to spend a lot of time thinking about anything but my caseload. Edward and I sent a few texts throughout the day, but for the most part, I was immersed in work. When the alarm I'd set on my phone chimed, I looked up, hardly believing it was already six o'clock. I hurried to finish what I was working on and straightened my desk before heading out of the office.

Edward was in front of my building when I arrived home. He was leaning against his SUV talking on his cell phone to what sounded like a colleague; I couldn't stop the sigh that left me at the sight of him. He really was a gorgeous man, and he was here just for me. I was a lucky woman.

He put his call on hold for a second and greeted me. I grabbed his tie to pull him closer to me so I could kiss him. His hands came to rest on my hips; his kiss thorough and deliberate. When I pulled back, he was smiling down at me, phone still in hand. He brushed a strand of hair away from my cheek and I shivered at the soft touch. He was dressed in a tan suit with a pale blue shirt and navy tie that made him look absolutely incredible and I had to fight back the urge to ask him to come upstairs with me.

"I'll run upstairs, change, and be right back down, okay?" I said,

"Sure. Take your time I'm going to finish this up," he said motioning to his phone. I came straight here from work so I'm a little early."

"Okay."

I hurried quickly into the building and through the lobby, calling out a friendly hello to Jacob. He responded in kind and in no time at all, I was up in my bedroom trying to pick out something to wear. I was annoyed at myself for not planning something earlier; I didn't want to keep Edward waiting.

A quick scan of my wardrobe was enough for me to grab a pair of jeans and a silky pink scoop neck top with just enough ruching along the sides to be flattering. I shook my hair loose from the bun it had been in, fluffing it a little and put on a dab of lip-gloss.

With one last quick glance in the mirror I headed down again, saying goodbye to Jacob who replied with a puzzled look. Edward was waiting where I'd left him, still immersed in something on his phone, but he looked up when I walked out the door. He gave me a slow grin and I felt my heart speed up in my chest.

Quickly ending the call, he said, "You look gorgeous. Ready to go?"

"Ready."

He slipped his phone into his pants pocket before shrugging out of his jacket. We both got in the car and Edward placed it on the seat behind him. It was almost obscene to watch his long fingers tug at his tie and undo the knot. My mouth went dry at the sight of both of his hands wrapped around each end of the tie before he yanked it off. The tie joined the jacket and he began to unbutton his cuffs. He paused halfway through the first one and gave me a questioning look. "What?"

"Nothing." I shook my head to clear the lustful thoughts from it.

He continued to work at the buttons, deftly folding it up his forearms. He moved to the other side but this time as he folded the cuff it bunched up. "Let me," I said, my voice coming out surprisingly husky. He dropped his hand and I leaned over, straightening the shirtsleeve before folding it up his forearm.

"Thank you."

When he leaned over to kiss me again, I didn't hesitate to deepen it. We both reluctantly pulled away after a few moments and Edward's chest rumbled under my hand where my palm was pressed flat against him.

"We should probably get going," he said, sounding just as reluctant as I felt.

"Okay," I agreed. "If we have to." He grinned at me and we headed towards Embarcadero.

**~LTOYL~**

The charged sexual tension from our earlier kiss slowly dissipated as we drove and was replaced with lighthearted conversation. He told me a funny story he'd overheard from one of the school tours of the museum earlier that day. I laughed until I had to wipe away tears and we were both still chuckling when he pulled into a parking spot on the top floor of the parking garage at Fisherman's Wharf.

When we got out of the SUV, he took my hand and intertwined his fingers through mine. He rubbed his thumb across my palm and I shivered.

"So, what do you have in mind for dinner? What would you like to make?"

I looked up at him apprehensively. "Wait, I thought you were doing the cooking. You know I don't really cook, right?"

He gave me a mischievous look. "But _I_ do. I'll teach you how. What do you want to make?"

"I don't know," I said, feeling _completely_ out of my element.

"Well, what's your favorite food?"

"Um, seafood probably."

"Sounds good."

We walked along the stalls of food, until we found one with fresh fish. He steered me over to it so we could inspect the rows of fresh catch on ice.

"Halibut sounds good to me." I really had no idea what I was looking for but I trusted Edward's judgment. He looked over the white filets laid out, closely and then stepped behind me to wrap his arms around my waist.

He spoke in in my ear. "Hmm. It does sound good and it looks really fresh. How about halibut with ginger and scallions?"

"That sounds fantastic," I said, honestly.

"Do you like mushrooms?"

"Yes."

"I like to serve it with Shiitake mushrooms, brown rice, and maybe some stir fried pea pods on the side."

"That sounds delicious!"

Edward spoke with the fishmonger and had him wrap up two halibut steaks for us. We paid, then wandered until we found someone selling fresh vegetables. We bought what we needed, then turned around to head back to the parking garage. Wondering if he had a bottle of wine to go with dinner, I asked, "Should we see if we can find some—"

A woman's voice cut me off. "Funny seeing you two here."

We both turned toward it to see Leah and Sam standing behind us. Leah had her arms crossed and Sam was smiling broadly.

Edward grinned. "Same goes for you. What are you two up to?"

Sam spoke up, "I convinced Leah to take an evening off so we could go out and do something."

"Sam, I don't think you and Bella have ever officially met," Edward said, gesturing toward the blonde. "Bella, this is Leah's partner, Samantha Uley, but she usually goes by Sam. Sam, this is Bella Swan."

We shook hands and she gave me a friendly smile. "It's nice to meet you. I was the one Edward blew off the night you two first met. He disappeared mid-conversation to go over and talk to you."

"It's nice to meet you, too." I chuckled. "I didn't realize Edward was in quite that much of a hurry to hit on me."

"I wasn't hitting on you," he protested. "I was saying hello."

I shook my head in disagreement, but Leah spoke up, "Actually, I think you insulted her drink." Her words came out in a clipped tone.

Sam chuckled and asked, "What are you two doing here, anyway?"

Edward rolled his eyes and held up the bag he was holding. "We're getting ingredients to cook dinner."

Leah's stern face softened marginally. "How are you doing, Bella?

"I'm good." She nodded, her expression still wary. I knew she was protective of Edward and things were still obviously tense between us, but there was no reason we couldn't be civil to one another.

"I haven't seen you at the bar lately, Edward," she commented. "Too busy?"

He shrugged. "I have some big shows coming up."

"I see," she said.

Edward shook his head. "We tried to go to the movies last night, but it didn't really happen."

Sam laughed. "Couldn't leave the bedroom?" She nudged Leah's side, leaning in to whisper in her ear. Leah chuckled, shaking her head.

"No, we were completely enthralled by the sculptures and paintings they had on display in the mezzanine, then we got lost in the theater," I explained." We just gave up eventually and walked around the complex."

"It was a lot of fun," Edward said and I nodded my agreement.

"Glad to hear it." Leah's wary expression relaxed. "Well, you're both welcome to stop in any time."

"I'd like that. We'll try to make it in sometime soon. Truthfully, I've been focusing so much on work and spending time with Edward, I haven't been to a bar or club lately," I said meaningfully. I didn't want her to think I was still going out and picking up other guys and I knew she'd understand what I was hinting at.

Edward squeezed my fingers; clearly, he hadn't missed the unspoken conversation Leah and I were having.

We spent a little while longer talking to Leah and Sam, but they had dinner reservations so they left with apologies and big hugs for Edward. We headed to the car a short while later.

**~LTOYL~**

"So, you really don't cook at all?" Edward asked, pulling up to the parking spot on the street outside his building and turning his vehicle off. He gathered up the bags from the market in one hand before I could protest. He got out of the SUV and I followed, laughing at his question. He seemed completely perplexed by the idea.

"Well, you saw my disastrous attempts at making a pie. I can make spaghetti though."

"From a jar?" he teased. He punched the access code to the building and I held the door for him.

"No," I protested, "from scratch. Tomatoes, herbs, red wine, and all that."

"You obviously don't eat spaghetti every day; do you usually get takeout?"

"Pretty often," I admitted. "Or I make salad or eggs or something. It's not that I can't assemble a meal or make scrambled eggs. I'm not quite that bad. I just mean I have no real idea how to make a meal from scratch. Spaghetti is all I ever got a chance to learn how to make."

"Who taught you?"

"Carmen, our housekeeper. She was going to teach me more but my mother threw a fit. Said it wasn't _'appropriate'_."

Edward frowned. "That's too bad. I actually really enjoy it. I don't find cooking that much different than art, really."

"Are you an artist?" I asked, very curious to learn if he created art as well as curated it.

He shrugged. "Not really. I mean, I can sketch or paint and do a reasonably decent copy of something, but I don't have the creativity. There's no soul to my art. I do better helping other artists showcase their work. I considered opening an art gallery at one point." He unlocked the door to his apartment, depositing the bag from the market on the counter.

"Hmm, that's interesting."

"What about you?" he asked.

"No, I am not artistic in the least."

Edward stepped closer to me and I set my purse down next to the market bags. He wrapped his fingers around my hips and drew me close, leaning back against the counter.

"Well, cooking I can teach you," he promised.

"I'm looking forward to it," I said honestly. He grinned at me and I noticed for the first time that although his teeth were otherwise straight and even, one was slightly crooked, just overlapped the one next to it a tiny bit. I liked it; it made his otherwise almost too perfect features more interesting. I leaned forward to kiss him. His mouth was warm and soft against mine; the kiss unhurried and undemanding. He didn't try to deepen it, or pull me tighter against him. He just kissed me, his thighs on either side of mine, as his thumbs gently circled the skin on my hips where his hands had slipped under my shirt.

I drew back and he beamed at me again. There was always something in Edward's eyes that made it nearly impossible for me not to smile back at him. He always looked so happy, so relaxed.

He kissed my fingertips and sighed. "I suppose I should change into something more comfortable before we start dinner," he said.

"Need any help with that?" I smirked at him, teasingly pulling at the collar of his shirt like I was going to strip him out of it right there and he chuckled.

"I think I can manage, but I'll let you know if I run into any difficulties."

I smiled and stepped away so he could go upstairs. I put the bottle of wine we'd bought into his refrigerator, then wandered across the room to stare out the large arched window set in the brick wall in the dining room. There was nothing but a blank red brick wall opposite it, but it didn't even really register in my vision. I was too busy thinking about the last few days with Edward, and how nice they had been. In a way, I felt like we had turned a corner. I had made a decision to let myself truly enjoy my time with him without holding back.

Edward's life seemed very appealing. Sure, he had stress from work, minor squabbles with co-workers; everyone had bad days. But he seemed so happy; I envied him that. From what I could tell he had a great relationship with his family, good friends, along with a job and a home he loved. I had never met anyone more content or at ease with his own life. I wanted that for myself. I was starting to realize that, although Riley was gone and I probably would never truly move on, I didn't have to live like I had been. My mother certainly was a challenge and no doubt always would be, but my father was wonderful. Yes, I had to tolerate Lauren and Alec at work, but I had a career I loved.

My apartment might occasionally be lonely, but it was a beautiful, comforting place. There _were_ people who cared about me. Vanessa and I might not have shared an incredibly close bond, but she was a loyal friend; I had Jacob to look after me at home, and Edward to rely on when I needed someone. My life might not have been the one I'd envisioned, but it wasn't a bad one either.

Maybe I needed to start appreciating what I had instead of focusing on what was missing.

I turned when I heard Edward walking down the stairs. He'd changed into jeans and a soft blue pullover; his feet were bare and his hair was even more rumpled than usual—no doubt from putting the sweater on.

"Did you enjoy the show?" he asked. He tilted his head up toward the railing and I laughed. I had been so wrapped up in my thoughts it hadn't even occurred to me that I would have been able to see him changing up there.

"I'm sorry I missed it. Will there be an encore?"

His lips twitched in a smirk as he came over and kissed my temple. "Possibly. If you're lucky," he teased.

I leaned against him, nodding toward the brick wall. "The windows with no curtains kind of make me uncomfortable," I admitted.

He wrapped an arm around my shoulder and turned to look outside. "It took some time for me to adjust, but I promise there is absolutely no way for anyone to see into the building," he said. "You see those buildings out there?" He gestured toward them.

"Yes."

"There aren't any windows on that side of the building. It's just a blank brick wall out there. No one can get in between the two buildings."

I walked right up to the window and peered out, looking out toward the ground. "Smart design."

He followed me and stepped behind me, his breath hot against my neck. "I could strip you bare and touch you, right here in front of this window. No one would ever see." I swallowed hard, pressing back against him, shocked at the way the conversation had gone from teasing to heated foreplay. "But, I should get started on dinner," he said as he pulled away from me, his eyes sparkling in amusement. I wanted to throttle him for being such a tease.

"Yes, teach me how to cook," I said, speaking once I'd managed to settle my heart rate to a more even keel.

**~LTOYL~**

I enjoyed cooking with Edward. He was light-hearted and gave me clear, simple directions. I found myself laughing a lot, and he stopped to kiss me every so often. He was patient when I fumbled with the knife, and showed me how to hold it properly. We prepped everything, then took a seat on the couch with a glass of wine, while the brown rice cooked. We wouldn't begin actually cooking dinner until it was ready. Apparently, brown rice took a great deal longer to cook than white rice. I wasn't complaining though; spending forty-five minutes drinking wine and talking to Edward before we had dinner was hardly a chore.

We discussed local news for a while, and Edward filled me in on the latest gossip in the art world that he was privy to. "It would probably be better if you didn't mention it to anyone," he said, referring to an art forgery scandal at the modern art museum in Chicago. Apparently, he had a friend who worked there who had told him some very hush, hush information that hadn't been released to the public yet.

"Of course," I reassured him. "I won't say a thing."

"Thank you. I'd hate to get a friend in trouble; I just knew you'd find it interesting."

"Very," I said. "I'm pretty good at keeping a secret though."

"Thanks." He squeezed my thigh.

"You know, if the museum curator thing doesn't work out, you'd make a great personal chef," I teased him.

"You seem to want to have me around to wait on you hand and foot," he teased back.

"I wasn't suggesting that you be _my_ personal chef, although, that does have appeal now that you mention it."

"Greedy, Miss Swan," he shook his head at me.

"Mmm, just when it comes to you it seems."

"So what do I get in return for all of this personal attention? Or is it just the privilege of pleasing you?"

"I don't know, what would you want?"

He regarded me speculatively and I wondered what it was he was going to say when he gave me a slow grin. "Hmm, I thought of something."

"Something good, I think. You look awfully smug."

"Very good."

"Well, tell me," I encouraged him; enjoying the teasing little game we were playing.

"I'd love to get you in my shower."

I looked at him in surprise. "I was expecting something a lot more diabolical than that. An elaborate scenario that you'd planned out, maybe."

He shook his head. "Really, I'm quite easy to please."

"I'd be happy to. Honestly, I was eyeing your shower the last time I was here."

The timer on the stove beeped and he sighed. "Apparently, that will have to be shelved until later. Let's make dinner."

We read through the recipe together and he pointed out a few things I needed to be sure to pay attention to. With Edward guiding me, I did most of the work and I was inordinately pleased with myself when it was done.

When we were sitting at the table with beautifully cooked fish, vegetables, rice, and an amazing glass of an off-dry Riesling, I beamed at him. "I'm glad we did this. This is wonderful."

"Me, too. You did a great job."

"With your help, thanks. Hopefully it tastes good."

"It will." He took a bite, praising me after, which made me feel incredibly proud of myself.

For some reason Edward's compliments really meant a lot, and the glow of his praise lasted well through dinner as we talked and ate.

Dessert was fresh, ripe peaches sliced in half and baked with honey. We topped it with whipped mascarpone cream and a fresh raspberry. It was decadent but not heavy and surprisingly easy to make. This time, I let Edward have the last bite and when he kissed me after, his mouth tasted like fruit and honey.

After dinner, we cleaned up the kitchen. Most things went into the dishwasher but he washed a few of the pans and knives by hand. I dried them with a soft towel and inspected the pan for a moment. I knew almost nothing about kitchen equipment, but everything seemed very nice. Edward struck me as someone who appreciated quality and I had a feeling everything he owned was made to last; more about function than show. I'd met far too many men who seemed to think that expensive brands and flashy items were all that mattered. I really respected that Edward was nothing like that.

When we finished the dishes, he topped off our glasses of wine.

"Would you like to watch something?" He gestured toward the television in the living room.

"Sure, what were you thinking?"

"There's a documentary on Renaissance art I've been dying to watch," he offered and I eagerly agreed.

"I'd like that."

As we settled onto the couch to watch it, I felt the stress of the past few weeks melt away. It was a fascinating analysis of Renaissance sculpture, but with a couple of glasses of wine in me, and the warm, comforting feel of Edward's arms around me, I began to drift off to sleep.

"Mmm, I'm tired." I yawned, struggling to keep my eyes open. "I should probably head home."

"You could take a nap with me," he coaxed. I wasn't usually a napping sort of person, but I didn't protest when he shifted onto his back pulling a warm, soft blanket over us both. My head was on his chest and I could hear his steady heartbeat under my ear. His arm wrapped around my shoulder and he kissed the top of my head softly. I was warm and comfortable; it didn't take long at all for my eyes to close and for me to fall asleep completely. The last thing I was aware of was the sound of his breathing and his thumb gently rubbing circles on my upper arm.

Sometime later, I woke up. Disoriented and still half-asleep I lifted my head to look around. In the dim light filtering in through the windows, I could see the railing from the loft and the top of the arched window. I realized I must be in Edward's place, in his bed. But where was he? I sleepily patted around beside me, but the sheets were cold and still pulled up on the other side of the bed.

The apartment was silent and dark, yet I still felt comfortable and safe. Edward must have carried me up here, but where was he sleeping?

I rose up on my elbows, calling out softly, "Edward? Are you there?"

A moment later, I heard a whispered reply from the other room.

"Always."

Reassured, I laid back down and fell asleep for the rest of the night.

* * *

Don't ask me why but I can hear "Strangers in the Night" playing in the background right now. Aww, such a sap. Discordia and I both just want to thank you all for the support and encouragement. We have had so much fun writing this story. Just so you know, this is the official halfway marker.

If you have any questions or like what you're reading, we'd love to hear from you. Feel free to stop by to chat or look for teasers in the following places:  
Facebook: www*facebook*com/DiscordiaWriter  
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(Copy and paste the links and replace the * with a period)


	26. Chapter 24 - Happy

Hey there. It's Thursday so we're back with chapter 24! The painting mentioned in this chapter is _The Scream_ by Edvard Munch goo*gl/2gqYS.

The song we chose is "August Day Song" by Bebel Gilberto youtu*be/DV8PoUWQ5tc. It's rather lovely.

And here is our pic tease: i48*tinypic*com/23h7p4z*jpg Discordia got some reader input on FB and the lovely Katie Mack sent over a picture of a couple in bed. With a bit of finagling, Discordia was able to make it Edward and Bella.

Disclaimer: _All publicly recognizable characters, settings, etc. are the property of their respective owners. The original characters and plot are the property of the author. The author is in no way associated with the owners, creators, or producers of any media franchise. No copyright infringement is intended._

Big thanks to our incredible team of betas: karenec, LJ Summers, AshesAshes and jakeward. You ladies rock our socks!

* * *

**Chapter Twenty-Four: Happy**

"Bella?" a soft voice whispered as fingers brushed my hair away from my face.

"Hmm?"

"It's five a.m. I wasn't sure what time you needed to be up to get to work."

"It's morning already?" My voice was hoarse.

"Mmhmm." When he stroked my cheek, I smiled reflexively.

"Where did you sleep?" I asked.

"On the couch for a little while after I brought you up here, then the guest bed."

I winced, feeling guilty for putting him out. "You could have slept in here and put me in the guest room."

"I was fine. How did you sleep?"

"Like the dead, apparently." I rubbed at my eyes, trying to wake up a little more.

"If you want to sleep a little more, you can. I'll set the alarm."

"Mmm, sounds nice." I relaxed back onto the pillow my eyes closing involuntarily.

He chuckled. "You're already falling asleep again, aren't you?"

"Mmhmm," I said sleepily.

"What time do you want to get up?"

"Six-thirty."

"Okay, I'll set it." He kissed my cheek and turned to leave the bedroom.

"No, stay here," I mumbled reaching up, tugging weakly at him. He moved to set the alarm and just before I drifted off to sleep, I felt him slip under the covers and wrap his arms around me. In moments, I was out.

The next thing I noticed was the beep of an alarm clock. Edward was twisted around my body, his knee between mine, his hand on my left breast.

I muttered, "Shut it off," and he groaned, rolling over to make the beeping finally stop. He wrapped himself around me again and I sighed. "I should get up but I really don't want to."

"No," he muttered. "Stay here in bed."

"It is comfortable." I stretched and opened my eyes, not really feeling motivated to get ready for work.

My ass brushed his cock, making him groan again. "You know, if you're trying to convince me to get up, that isn't the way to do it."

Instead of answering him verbally, I pressed back against him.

"You're definitely not getting out of bed now," he said huskily. His hand moved back up to my breast and cupped it through the thin fabric of my bra. The nipple tightened immediately and he moaned, pressing a kiss to the back of my neck. He took the nipple between his thumb and forefinger and rolled it, putting the lightest of pressure against the sensitive tip. I gasped, shocked at the way pleasure shot through me, pebbling my skin with goose bumps. He released my nipple before moving to the other. I shifted restlessly on the bed, quickly becoming wet and aroused.

His fingers trailed down my stomach to slip into my panties. He slid two fingers along my wetness and dipped inside of me before moving back up to circle my clit. His cock nestled against my ass and I parted my legs, wanting to feel him inside of me.

"Please, Edward," I said breathlessly. "Please."

"How do you want me?" His voice was rough; needy-sounding.

"On your back."

He slipped his fingers out from between my legs before rolling away. I turned over to watch him as he sheathed his cock with a condom and then lay on his back, his face turned towards mine. I sat up on my knees, my eyes drinking in the sight of his body stretched out for me, waiting for my touch. I unhooked my bra, tossed in on the floor by the bed, and wiggled out of my underwear, throwing them to the side as well. I settled over his hips, straddling him and could feel his hard cock was hard. I took it in my hand, sinking down slowly over him, the air catching in my throat when he was fully inside. His hands moved to touch my outer thighs, his fingertips brushing over the skin. I watched his chest rise and fall rhythmically as I began to move and his eyes fluttered closed. His hands traveled from my thighs to my breasts, his thumbs brushing over the nipples and making them ache.

I rocked over him, still feeling half-asleep, my movements slow and easy. I watched him unabashedly. His tongue slipped out to wet his lips; I reached forward to touch my fingertips to them. His lips curved up at the corners, kissed my fingertips, but he didn't open his eyes. I trailed my fingers across the light stubble on his jaw and down his neck to his collarbone. My hands moved to his chest and then followed the light smattering of hair that tapered to a fine trail leading to his cock. My fingertips brushed where we were joined. His eyes opened, and he watched as I touched myself, lightly at first, stroking the skin of my lips, then between to circle my clit.

I threw my head back as a spike of pleasure shot through me. Edward's hands moved to my hips, helping me rise and fall faster on top of him. My teeth clamped down on my lip as I clenched around him, my orgasm beginning to build.

"It's incredible, watching you like this," Edward said lowly. His fingers gripped harder onto my hips and I cried out when a strong thrust sent me over the edge. I stiffened over him, little shocks of pleasure coursing through me. Edward's body went rigid below me; his mouth fell open, and air left his lungs in short, strained pants. His cocked throbbed within me as he came, moaning my name quietly.

I collapsed down onto his chest, his fingertips skimming along my spine before they came to rest on my lower back. He rubbed small circles there as I melted into him, feeling relaxed and content. One of his hands moved to my hair, combing through it with his fingers. I sighed and rubbed my cheek against his chest, my mind hazy and blissfully free of thought.

"I really don't want to move, but..." Edward's voice trailed off and I realized he was beginning to soften.

Reluctantly, I sat up and gently lifted myself off him. He sat up and disposed of the condom before looking over his shoulder at me.

"Shower with me?"

"No, I'll grab one when I get back to my place." He frowned with disappointment and I reached out to touch his hand where it was resting on the bed. "Believe me, I would really like to, but if I shower with you I will _never_ get to work. Rain check though?"

"All right." The tension in his face eased.

I kissed him briefly and stood up, gathering my clothing from where it sat neatly folded on a chair near the bed. "Did you undress me last night?"

"Yeah, I thought…" His words dropped off.

I nodded, reassuring him that it was all right. "Thanks. I did sleep really well."

After I finally located the underwear I had discarded earlier, I made my way into his bathroom. I could see Edward looking at me in the mirror, his eyes lingering on my legs before I disappeared inside.

I cleaned up and dressed, then left the bathroom. Edward was partially dressed in sleep pants, sitting at his desk in the office on his laptop. I walked downstairs to retrieve my handbag and made my way back up the stairs. I stopped at the top to watch him for a moment. With his sleep mussed hair, bare chest, and the intense look of concentration on his face, it was hard to remember that I was supposed to be getting ready to leave.

"Edward, do you have an extra toothbrush?" I asked eventually.

He turned to look at me, looking slightly startled. "Hmm?"

"A toothbrush. Do you have one I could steal?"

"Oh, yes. Sorry; I was reading an email from a colleague."

"That's okay."

He found me a brand new toothbrush and left the bathroom, partially closing the door behind him. I brushed my teeth and splashed some water on my face before patting it dry. I had a minimal amount of makeup in my bag but it was enough to keep me from looking like a complete fright. I brushed my hair and pinned it up out of the way.

Edward was still immersed in his email when I came out; I had to touch his shoulder gently to get his attention.

"Hey, I'm headed out, okay?"

"Sorry," he apologized again. "I'm really excited about a possible collaboration with the Tate Museum in London and I just got a response from someone there. I kind of disappear in work sometimes."

"That's okay." I could hardly fault Edward for something I did all the time myself.

"Can you wait one second while I brush my teeth so I can actually kiss you goodbye?" He smiled sweetly at me and I found it nearly impossible to resist.

"Sure."

While he brushed his teeth, I went back into the bedroom to make sure I hadn't left anything. Without really thinking, I pulled up the sheets to make the bed, falling into my usual ritual of straightening up before I left for work.

"What are you doing?" an amused voice asked as I fluffed the last pillow and draped the throw across the foot of the bed. I turned to see Edward leaning against the wall, staring at me with a grin on his face.

"Uh, sorry. It's habit."

"You make your bed every morning?"

"Yes. You don't usually?"

"Well, I try to but I don't always succeed."

"Sorry," I apologized again, gesturing to the bed.

He shrugged, unconcerned. "It's fine. I guess I should let you go though, huh?"

"Yeah." I glanced at the clock.

"I'll walk you out." He pulled a T-shirt from his closet and slipped it on, jamming his feet into a pair of running shoes.

"Okay."

When we reached the lobby, he turned to look at me. "There should be a cab out front for you. I called them while you were getting ready."

"Thank you, Edward," I said, touched by his thoughtfulness. "I didn't even think about it."

"You're welcome." He put his arms around me, pulling me against him. "Call or text me, okay?"

"I will."

I leaned forward and kissed him, closing my eyes at the feel of his soft, warm lips against mine. His stubble was rough against my palm where I rested it against his cheek. When I pulled away, his hand reached up to capture mine, turning his head to the side to press a kiss to my palm.

"Have a good day," he said, his eyes never leaving mine.

"You, too."

I climbed in the cab and directed the driver to my place. I leaned my head back against the headrest, spending the ride home with a smile on my face. I didn't even mind the scowl that Jacob directed at me when I returned wearing the same clothes I'd had on the night before.

I quickly showered and dressed before heading to the office.

**~LTOYL~**

From the astonished looks I got from Bree and Lauren as I walked in the building, my good mood was obvious, as was the fact I was coming in to the office nearly two hours later than I normally did.

Three minutes later Bree came in to my office.

"Morning, Bella," she said tentatively.

"Morning, Bree!" I said cheerfully.

"Are you all right?"

"I'm great, actually. I slept really well last night."

"You look well-rested; really happy," she said, a twinge of confusion coloring her voice.

_God, was it _that_ rare that I came in with a smile on my face?_ I wondered, then realized that it probably was since Riley left.

"I had a good night last night, and a good morning."

"I'm glad. I noticed you didn't grab your usual latte; would you like me to run downstairs to get you one?"

"That would be great, it completely slipped my mind. Thanks, Bree."

"You're welcome. Is there anything else I can get you while I'm there?"

"No, thanks. Wait—actually, a blueberry muffin sounds fantastic," I added. "Oh, and maybe a yogurt. I'm kind of hungry this morning."

"Sure, absolutely."

I logged into my email, checking it while I waited for Bree to come back. When she returned, I ate my breakfast and took a moment to send a text to Edward.

_**Thanks for the great night. **_

Edward responded almost immediately. _**You're welcome. I had a great time, too. How late were you? **_

_**Almost two hours. Definitely worth it though. **_

_**Good. Pack a bag for tomorrow morning so you won't be late. **_

_**You're awfully sure I'll come over tonight. ;) **_

_**Just confident. **_

The ringing office phone caught me by surprise and I answered, quickly getting caught up in my work. It wasn't until an hour later that I realized that I hadn't responded to Edward's message.

_**I'll tell you what, go running with me in the morning and you have a deal. **_

_**I can think of a better workout. **_

_**I never said we wouldn't do both. **_

I waited, but didn't get a response until after lunch. I found myself glancing at my phone several times throughout the afternoon even though my day was jam-packed. Finally, when I got a response, I read it right away.

_**Ugh, first real break I've had since I got here. Meetings. **_

_**None on my schedule for the day. Paperwork coming out my ears though. **_

_**I've been thinking about you all day. Made the meetings tolerable. **_

_**Thought about you once or twice, too. **_

_**Want to do dinner tonight? **_

_**What did you have in mind? **_

_**Butterfly at Pier 33 sound good?**_

_**Sounds great. **_

I loved Butterfly. It was an Asian Fusion restaurant with a strong emphasis on seafood. It was near my apartment; I often picked up takeout there on my way home from work. I liked that Edward seemed to know my tastes and wasn't afraid to make suggestions about dinner. Whether it was somewhere new, or a favorite restaurant, he had yet to pick anything that I hadn't enjoyed.

With a regretful sigh, I pushed Edward from my mind and got back to work. I worked through lunch, eating a salad Lauren had picked up for me. She had gotten the order wrong, but it wasn't bad. I was so intent on my work I didn't really care enough to lecture her about it, anyway. By the time six o'clock rolled around, I was exhausted and my shoulders were tight, but my desk was clear. I had a pile of papers that would need to be filed in the morning, and I knew I would have to go over it at least three times with Lauren, but it felt good to have it completed. I sent a quick text to Edward and got my things together.

_**Finally done with work! Are we meeting at the restaurant, or your place? **_

_**My place, if that's okay. You can leave your car here so you'll have it in the morning.**_

_**Perfect. I'll be there in about forty-five minutes, if you don't mind stopping at my place later to pick up my bag. **_

_**Sure. We can stop there after dinner; just let me know when you get here. **_

_**I will. **_

I texted Edward once I got to his place and he responded that he'd be out in a few minutes. I took a moment to smooth my hair and touch up my lipstick. I had just finished applying it when he came through the doors of his building. He was dressed in grey dress pants and a white button down shirt, under a V-neck black sweater. He looked incredible. His hair was disheveled; it caught the late evening sun that slanted through the trees beside his building. He grinned at me; his face lit up with happiness. He opened the door for me and I snapped my compact closed, tossing it and the lipstick in my bag before grabbing my purse and coat from my car.

"Hey," he said softly, pulling me into his arms.

"Hey." I swung my bag carefully around his shoulders and he kissed me on the cheek.

"I hate lipstick sometimes," he grumbled. "I really want to kiss you."

"It's long-wearing; it won't smudge off on you, kiss away."

He eyed me skeptically but kissed me anyway. I closed my eyes, sighing with pleasure. _If only every day ended with a kiss like that_, I thought, and then guilt immediately followed as I realized exactly what I had just thought. I pulled away from him, offering a small smile to hide what was probably flashing across my face. He eyed my lips as if expecting to see the lipstick completely gone.

"Huh," he said in surprise.

"And not even a smudge of it got on you," I teased him.

"It gets my seal of approval." He kissed me again quickly before he reluctantly let go of me. "Ready for dinner?"

"Yes."

**~LTOYL~**

Butterfly was a large, open restaurant with a wall of windows that overlooked the water. The restaurant's understated decor was warm, and with the late evening sunlight pouring in through the windows, it made everything look washed in golden light. We were seated at a table not far from the windows and Edward took his seat after helping me in to mine.

"I like this place a lot, Edward."

"Good, I thought you might." He grinned at me and I reached for his hand, wanting to feel his skin against mine while looking over the menu. .

"Everything looks incredible," I said, "I'm having a tough time making a decision."

"I came here with Alice and Jasper once; everything I had was very good. You'd have a hard time choosing something bad, I think."

"Oh, I know. I eat here all the time. The problem is I always want one of everything." I laughed lightly.

"Well, I guess I'll have to bring you back for dinner another time then," he suggested.

"That sounds like a great solution."

I finally decided on the wild mushroom cappuccino soup and Edward ordered the duck confit spring rolls, with the promise to share a bite. Although their cocktail menu was wonderful, we both skipped them in favor of a bottle of _Chenin Blanc_ from France.

As we sipped our wine and ate our appetizers, I asked Edward about the work he was doing to make a collaboration with the Tate happen.

He explained, "They're doing a huge Edvard Munch exhibition in 2012, and it would be a really big coup for us to be able to bring it here. They worked with the Centre Pompidou in Paris and the Munch Museum in Oslo, so I'm in talks with all three of them, trying to make it work." He took a drink of my wine and leaned forward. "This is something I would really love to see here in San Francisco. It would tie in really well with the Stein collection we just did, and unfortunately, many artists outside of France, England, and the U.S. are really under-appreciated in the modern art world. I'd like to bring a more global perspective to the works we show. Frankly, a Norwegian painter isn't as far from the European-North American influence as I'd like to get, but from a historical perspective, Munch is key."

"Good luck. I really hope it works out for you. Frankly, I'd love to see his works. _The Scream_ may be his most famous piece, but he has many other noteworthy pieces. He hardly seems to get the attention he deserves."

"Thank you," he said, smiling at me.

"How is it going?" I asked. "Do you think it will happen eventually?"

He shrugged and pushed away his empty appetizer plate. "It's going. Not quickly; I'm afraid to get my hopes up too much, but I have made some progress."

"What is delaying things?"

"The usual. Bigger museums with more influence get first pick. Not that San Francisco is insignificant, but we're still behind New York and Chicago."

"That makes sense. It must be frustrating through."

"It is," he said.

"Have you ever thought about moving to Chicago or New York?" I asked him.

He shook his head. "Not really. I love San Francisco, plus I have no desire to move away from my family and friends. I'd rather work as hard as I can to bring the art here. Sure, I could move to New York, but I would feel like I was taking the easy route. I'd rather be proud of myself for knowing I fought my hardest, and lose a few shows than wonder if it just happened because of the name and influence of the museum I'm at. I feel like there's an important distinction there."

"There is," I said. "I'm really impressed by you, Edward. Your passion and your dedication to art is something I really admire."

"Thank you," he said. "I truly believe it's important work, but occasionally I wonder if maybe I should have gone into something else—something where I could have made a bigger difference in the world."

"What do you mean?" I asked.

"Well, sometimes you get some asshole at a party talking about what a waste of time and money supporting the arts is; you start to wonder if it really means much in the long run."

I shook my head and asked, "You don't believe that, do you?"

"Of course not, but I've had moments where I've questioned my choice of careers. There is so much misery, poverty, and disease in the world, and I wonder if a career in art is really making a difference. My father is a surgeon, so I've wondered if maybe I should have followed in his footsteps. It's rare for me to doubt myself like that. I love what I do, and frankly, my father has always been a staunch supporter of my choice of career. But I have occasionally wondered what difference I'm making."

I thought for a moment on what he said. Art had always been an interest of mine, not just for the picture but the meaning behind it—the passion. "Not just museums in general, but specifically _your_ museum has made a huge impact in my life, Edward. I go there not just to learn or admire, but to get away from my life. Art can be therapeutic; it draws you out of your own life and your own inner turmoil, into someone else's mind. Preserving art for future generations, bringing it to people who might never have those experiences otherwise, _is_ great work—work that has had an impact on thousands. Don't doubt what you do is important."

"Thank you." He squeezed my hand. "Knowing that someone like you, someone equally passionate and dedicated to their work, respects what I do means a lot."

The waiter came to clear our plates and I sat back for a moment. When he was gone, I leaned forward again to speak. "I struggle with the same thing sometimes, Edward. I'm a lawyer and you know how we get painted as being greedy and vicious, out to win at any cost." He nodded.

"I know people often have a bad impression of lawyers, but it was pretty brutal the first time I ran across someone who told me that to my face. He didn't give me time to explain about the pro bono work our firm does, or talk about the truly deserving clients we've helped. I went home and cried. But I got a little tougher, and I made sure the next time they listened to me explain what we do. I know how much good we do."

The waiter brought our entrees, and then Edward spoke.

"One of my colleagues at the museum is working on expanding our children's education programs, not just for school trips, but offering more access to art for underprivileged students. Once they get it off the ground I plan to volunteer some of my time to it, and I've already donated some money. If you'd ever be interested in donating, let me know, I'll put you in contact with Marcia, the woman running it."

"I would love to donate to that, Edward," I said enthusiastically. "Time or money. It sounds like a great program."

I was glad he had asked me; it meant a lot that he wanted me to be involved in something like that. Although our firm did a great deal of pro bono work and I supported several prominent charities in the city, I liked the idea of doing more. I would happily donate money as well, but being able to volunteer my time seemed more meaningful.

When dinner was over, he paid the bill and escorted me out to his car. He stopped before pulling the passenger door open and kissed me. It wasn't overly deep or intense, but surprisingly passionate, however brief.

"Can I ask you a serious question?" he asked after we were settled in the car and pulling away from the restaurant.

"Sure," I said a bit apprehensively.

He took a moment, as if choosing his words carefully. "Are you ready to spend the night in my bed, with me?"

I nodded, unsurprised by his question. "Edward, last night when I woke up in your bed, alone, I wanted you there beside me. I was glad you stayed this morning. I'm not going to promise you that I won't still freak out, but. . . yeah, I am."

I glanced over at Edward and it warmed my heart to see him smile. I knew I'd still have reservations, but waking up the night before and realizing how much I wanted Edward with me gave me the courage I needed to take the next step. I wanted to—for Edward.

"I promise, if I have a hard time with it, I'll go down to the guest bedroom and sleep; I won't just run out."

He gave me a pleased look. "That's exactly what I hoped you'd say."

"You have been so understanding, Edward," I said. "Thank you for being patient." My throat was tight and I barely managed to choke out the words, but he reached for my hand, squeezing my fingers reassuringly.

We swung by my place to pick up a change of clothes for the morning and he came up with me. He hovered in the doorway of my bedroom while I packed; I understood his reluctance to step into the room. I had given him every indication that he wasn't welcome in here. He took my bag when I finished and we walked hand-in-hand back to the car.

Back at his loft, we changed into more comfortable clothing; a pair of yoga pants, a T-shirt, and sweater for me. Sleep pants and a long sleeved cotton shirt for Edward. I liked seeing him so casual and happy. When he took a seat on the couch and held out an arm to me, I curled up beside him, my head on his shoulder. We watched a few more episodes of the documentary on Renaissance art and I felt myself completely relax in Edward's arms. I drew small, looping circular patterns on his thigh with my index finger, idly touching him. As he played with the ends of my hair, I was reminded of how easy it was between us, how comfortable. How much I had missed him when I pushed him away and how much happier I was when I was with him.

When we'd both yawned a half a dozen times he turned his head to look down at me. "Are you ready to go to bed?"

"Yes. I promise you don't have to carry me up to bed this time."

He stood up and held a hand out to me to pull me off the couch. "I didn't mind."

"I know. You could have slept in your own bed, though."

"I wasn't sure what you were comfortable with."

"I know I'm all over the place sometimes—"

"Hey, it's okay. I told you, I was patient." He brushed my hair away from my face, kissing me softly.

"You are, Edward, it's been really good. You make me happy." I ran my fingertips across his jaw and his eyelashes fluttered. "I don't think they recognized me at the office today. I came in late, looking well-rested and with a smile." He kissed me again and I moaned against his lips. "Take me to bed."

He carried my bag up the stairs and gave me a few moments in the bathroom. I took out my contacts and my eyes were irritated from sleeping in them the night before. I hesitated before I put my glasses on. I didn't like wearing them, and I had never allowed Edward to see them before. I slipped them on, frowning at my reflection in the mirror, sure that he'd be turned off. I changed from my clothes into my robe and finished getting ready for bed before leaving the bathroom. The moment I walked into the bedroom, he tugged me into his arms and gave me a searing kiss. I drew back to look at him. "What was that for?" I asked, amused by his fervor.

"These." He tapped the frame of my glasses with his fingertip. "I like them."

"I can tell," I said with a laugh.

"I told you I had a thing for brilliant women. They add to that."

"Good to know." I stepped away from him, grinning over my shoulder as he stared at me in my black silk robe. "Get ready for bed, Edward, I'll be waiting."

When he went in the bathroom, I turned out all but one of the lights, slipping out of the robe before I slid into bed. When he emerged, he paused beside the bed, just staring down at me.

"What?" I asked self-consciously.

"I'm glad you're staying."

"Me, too," I said honestly. "Now, come here."

He slipped his pants off, leaving him in nothing but boxers, and crawled into the bed beside me. As I turned on my side to face him, he mirrored my actions. He reached a hand out to draw me close and I nestled against him, feeling relaxed and content.

He rolled so he was half on top of me and kissed me, his tongue tenderly meeting mine. We kissed slowly, as if we had all the time in the world. I found myself sinking into it, winding my hand through his hair and pulling him closer. Eventually, his lips moved to my jaw and he whispered. "I could kiss you for hours."

"Mmmhmm," I agreed, feeling dazed with desire, my body soft and pliant against his. My fingernails scratched his scalp lightly and he moaned.

"There are just so many places to kiss you."

My breath hitched when his tongue lapped at my throat. "Here, where I can feel your pulse beating."

His lips moved down to my collarbone. He sucked so gently on my skin I could barely feel it. "And here, right over the delicate bones."

He pushed the soft fabric of the sheets away from my breasts and his lips followed. "Here, where you're especially soft and sweet."

He began in the middle before working his way to the left. "And right here," he said in a low, compelling voice as he took my nipple between his lips. It made me ache

I gasped in pleasure, accidentally pulling hard at his hair, yanking his head back. His eyes glittered in the soft light. He lowered his head again as I relaxed my grip. He didn't move on, instead licking around the tight, aching bud before closing his teeth around it and tugging.

A jolt of arousal shot through me; I whimpered and reached for his shoulders, pulling him towards me. His hands reached out to part my legs and he settled himself between them. My clit throbbed with anticipation; I arched into the pressure of his body against mine. He continued his torturous assault on my other nipple and by the time he had finished, I was panting and eager, rocking against his cock.

His lips moved down to my stomach and he laved at the skin with his tongue. I shivered, clutching at the sheets, desperately wanting him to continue down my body. Instead, he moved across to my hip, and then to the other side, repeating the teasing motion. Finally, finally he moved his head between my thighs, looking up at me with an intense gaze. "And here... I could taste you for days."

He took one slow, long lick and I arched into him, my fingers threading through his hair to hold him tight against me. His hair was soft and thick, tickling my inner thighs. I felt a shudder run up and down my spine. I gasped and writhed under the touch of his lips as he explored every inch of me. He brought me to my climax and I hovered there, my heart racing in my chest.

He sat back and held out his hand to me, helping me to my knees. He gently took me by the hips and guided me so I was facing away from him. I fell forward onto my hands and knees, arching my back. Once Edward was ready, his fingers moved to my hips and he bent down, placing a kiss on my spine. With an easy push, he was inside of me. Instead of the rough fucking the position usually called for, it was a slow gliding movement, shallow and effortless. As he rocked within me, I felt the pleasure slowly build.

"So good, Edward," I cried out. His fingers never stopped moving, tracing soft, teasing little patterns along my spine. Suddenly, he stilled and guided me back against him.

"Sit back," he whispered and I followed his instructions until he was resting on bent knees, my hips flush against his and my back nestled against his chest. His right hand moved to my breast, gently teasing it. His lips caressed my neck and I let my head fall to the side until it lolled back against his shoulder. When he began to move, I gasped at the feeling of the unfamiliar position. I felt consumed by him, every inch of my body being touched and caressed by his talented hands.

I reached back, threading my hands through his hair as his lips captured mine. The slightly awkward angle didn't diminish the extraordinary pleasure of his mouth against mine. We moved together for what felt like ages, slowly and steadily, never roughly or frantically.

"Oh, Bella, you feel so good," Edward whispered against my temple. He rubbed his nose against my hair and I sighed, nuzzling back against him. His hand slipped between my thighs, his fingers coming to rest on either side of my clit. He moved them with a slow, smooth motion that made me gasp and tighten around him.

"Please, Edward," I begged. "I'm so close."

He continued his gentle stroking as he whispered softly in my ear, coaxing me toward my climax. I reached down, gripping his thighs as they flexed against mine. With a breathy moan, I came around him, my body clenching down on his cock as I shuddered and shook, falling apart in pleasure.

He came just moments after, his breath warm against my neck. He made a low sound of pleasure that reverberated through my body. He trailed gentle kisses across one shoulder, his lips warm and lingering. One hand softly stroked my thigh, the other pulled me tighter to him.

We stayed joined for another few minutes; caressing each other as we came down from the staggering pleasure. When we did move, it was slowly and reluctantly. Edward disappeared for a moment to clean up while I slid under the covers. When he returned, he slipped into the bed beside me and I willingly went to him. He rolled on his back and held his arm out for me.

He kissed the top of my head and exhaled with contentment, his eyes closing as we both got comfortable. My fingers idly played with the soft, sparse hair on his belly. I felt his body melt against mine as he drifted off to sleep, but I didn't fall asleep as quickly.

Despite the great night out and incredible sex, I felt a slow tension begin to build in my body. When I shifted in Edward's arms, he pulled me a little tighter against him. I stilled and began to stroke his stomach again until he fell back asleep, not wanting him to think I was leaving. Instead of pushing away the uncomfortable feelings, I took a moment to examine why I was feeling so anxious about staying.

It was the first time I'd consciously decided to spent the whole night with Edward, and despite the fact that I wanted to fall asleep and wake up in his arms, it wasn't easy for me. Giving myself physically to someone other than Riley was a lot easier than opening up emotionally. Letting Edward get close to me, allowing myself to be vulnerable and trust him was much harder.

Although my first instinct was to bolt from the bed, I knew how hurt Edward would be. If I chose to stay in the guest bedroom downstairs, he'd understand. But I was tired of running. I _wanted_ to be okay with spending the night with Edward. As I inhaled slowly and evenly, eventually my panic subsided. Staying in bed with him was a big step, but it didn't have to mean it was a bad one. Admitting to myself that I was beginning to move on from Riley was hard, but I couldn't deny I had feelings for Edward. I cared about him. I didn't want to hurt or disappoint him because he mattered to me.

I closed my eyes and inhaled the clean, light scent of Edward's cologne. His long, lean, body was warm against mine and surprisingly comforting. I rolled onto my side and Edward sleepily turned over, spooning behind me. I felt the worries swirling through my head begin to ease and snuggled closer to Edward. He was out again almost immediately, his breathing deep and steady against mine, his embrace gentle and protective.

As I drifted off to sleep with a blissful, sated body and clear head, I was suddenly struck with a feeling of belonging. The loneliness I carried with me throughout my days was pushed away and every breath I took was mirrored by Edward.

I was happy.

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Thanks for the reviews so far, you all have been great! Let us know what you think about chapter 24 and we'll see you next Thursday with chapter 25!

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	27. Chapter 25 - Nerves

I think it's safe to say, you all are happy with things, yes? Now that they have gotten themselves together, let's see how things go at the office.

The song for this chapter is "Devil's Tears" by Angus & Julia Stone  youtu*be/9yQTGyYg0_E and here is the pictease in case you missed it  i46*tinypic*com/nqd307*jpg

Thanks to our beta's, karenec, AshesAshes, LJ Summers, and jakeward. Your help with this story has been amazing and we are eternally grateful.

Disclaimer: _All publicly recognizable characters, settings, etc. are the property of their respective owners. The original characters and plot are the property of the author. The author is in no way associated with the owners, creators, or producers of any media franchise. No copyright infringement is intended._

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**Chapter Twenty-Five: Nerves**

The following morning, Edward and I woke up early and went running together. The air was thick with fog when we left his apartment, but by the time we returned, flushed and panting with exertion, the sun had risen and burned the fog away. We showered together after and between the decadent feeling of multiple shower heads and Edward's touch on my slippery skin, I was incredibly relaxed by the time we got out.

It felt odd to get ready for the day with someone other than Riley, yet, it wasn't exactly uncomfortable. It was hard to think of much else besides Edward when he was standing beside me in nothing but a towel. And when he pulled out an old-fashioned shaving kit, complete with bowl and brush, I couldn't help the huge smile that crossed my face. The antique pocket watch he wore, the shaving kit, they were so Edward.

"Did your father shave like that?" I asked as he carefully scraped the stubble from his throat. He met my gaze in the mirror and quirked an eyebrow.

"With the soap bowl and brush, rather than shaving cream? Yes. He claimed you got a closer shave and I have to agree. The few times I've shaved with just shaving cream it didn't end well."

"It suits you," I said.

I dried my hair, making it smooth and sleek as Edward finished shaving and splashed on after-shave. It was a brand I'd never heard of before, but the scent was incredible.

He disappeared into the bedroom and I finished getting ready. It was nice not having to rush home to get ready in the morning after staying over. Edward was dressed when I went into the bedroom. He had on a black suit and a midnight blue shirt and was making the bed. I could feel his eyes on me as I dropped my robe and leisurely dressed in a lacy lingerie set; he came over to press a warm kiss to my shoulder.

"You are so beautiful," he whispered, his fingertips grazing my hips. "I am so glad you stayed last night."

"Thank you. I'm glad I did, too." I turned in his arms and kissed him softly before pulling back, dragging my fingertips across his smooth jaw.

He let me dress, but stood there watching. It was like his eyes were caressing my body, appreciating every subtle dip, curve, and angle. Like I was a piece of art he couldn't tear his eyes away from.

I dressed in a dark charcoal suit with a bright blue silk top underneath. When I fumbled with the clasp of my necklace Edward smoothed my hair off my shoulder and fastened it for me. Warm, lingering lips caressed my neck before he stepped away. I gathered my things and re-packed my bag, but just as I was about to slip the robe in, Edward spoke. "You can leave some of your things, if you'd like."

His voice was deliberately casual and when I paused for a moment, he continued. "If you don't want to, that's fine. I just thought it might be easier not to have to haul everything back and forth when you stay. I won't be offended if you don't want to."

My initial thought had been be to say no, but he had a good point. I knew, too, how hard he was trying to make sure he didn't push me too far. I wanted to show him that I was trying. "Sure," I said. "Where would you like me to put my robe?"

He couldn't hide the momentary look of surprise on his face, but it quickly disappeared into a smile. "There's a hook just inside the closet on the left."

I hung the robe there and we both went downstairs, Edward grabbing my bag to carry it for me before I could even protest. He had an omelet and toast warming in the oven and as I sat at the table, I noticed coffee, a glass of orange juice, and a bowl of fruit.

"This looks incredible, Edward," I said. "But I rarely eat this much for breakfast during the week."

He shrugged and sat down in the chair across from me. "Eat as much or as little as you like. I already ate."

To my surprise, I ended up finishing the entire omelet, most of the toast, and the fruit, coffee, and juice. Edward gave me a pleased smile and I helped him load the dishes into the dishwasher. He walked me out to my car and kissed me goodbye before I left.

**~LTOYL~**

The morning passed quickly as I worked to catch up on everything I'd let slide in the last few days. I was feeling great, and I'd enjoyed every moment I shared with Edward, but it did cut into the amount of time I spent at work.

My great mood was not enough to stave off my frustration with Lauren, however. I came out of my office to track down Alyssa to ask her a question about some of the research she'd done for the Walker case and saw Lauren's desk empty. I tried to give her the benefit of the doubt that she had just stepped away for a moment to use the restroom or was on one of her breaks. But as I passed by one of the conference rooms I saw two people standing close together and on closer inspection, I realized it was Lauren and she was hanging all over Alec. She was wearing a tight black skirt and a hot pink button down shirt, unbuttoned too low. Again, inappropriate for a law office.

She had on matching bright pink lipstick and heavy eye make-up, more suitable to a club than a law office. She was tall and thin, with pretty blue eyes and although her hair had tacky-looking platinum streaks, the natural color that showed underneath was a honey blonde.

She was laughing breathily and whispering in his ear, her hand just inches away from his crotch.

"Lauren," I snapped and she leaned back quickly, her eyes wide and startled.

"Oh, Ms. Swan." She giggled nervously and glanced sideways at Alec. He smirked and put his hands in his pockets, trying to look nonchalant.

I forced myself to remain calm. "I really don't think whatever is going on here is appropriate for the workplace. Lauren, I'd like to speak to you in my office for a moment."

"Oh, get over yourself, Bella," Alec said, rolling his eyes at me and winking at Lauren.

"Alec, your behavior is no better. You should be setting an example for the rest of the staff here, instead of encouraging it," I said coldly. Lauren backed away, and returned to her desk

"You know, if you would just get laid occasionally, you wouldn't be so fucking uptight," he sneered before sauntering away himself.

I sucked in a breath sharply, completely furious with his statement. Turning on my heels and leaving the conference room, as soon as I saw Lauren I said, "My office. Now!"

She followed me, the sound of her cheap heels clacking on the floor making me even more irritated with every step she took. When we reached my office, I gestured for her to go inside and I firmly closed the door behind me. I took a seat at my desk and she sat in one of the two leather chairs across from me with a petulant huff. The sullen, childish expression she had on her face did nothing to soften my feelings toward her.

I spent a moment looking at her and she sneered at me and looked away. Trying to remember my father's words to be patient with her, when I finally spoke, my voice was gentle. "Lauren, I understand that Alec can be quite charming." I grimaced internally, finding him nothing but loathsome, but I knew women often found him appealing. "And believe me, I will be speaking to him and to Charlie and Aro about his behavior, but I need you to try to act more professional here at work."

She flipped her hair over her shoulder and scowled at me. "I don't see what your problem is, we were just flirting."

"Lauren, your hands were in a less than appropriate place. Perhaps you've never worked at an office of this caliber before, but groping one of the partners in a law office is considered sexual harassment—not to mention the fact that you were away from your desk unnecessarily. What if I had missed an important call? You are here to work for me. _Period_. If you can't control yourself, we'll have to find someone else to take your place. It will be a great struggle to us, and especially to me, to have to train a new secretary for until Gianna is back, but I won't hesitate to do it, if you don't start acting more professional."

The tone of my voice brooked no argument and although a pouty look settled on her face, I saw a flicker of concern in her eyes. I softened my voice again. "Lauren, I'd like to have a better working relationship with you. Honestly. I want you to do well here. Please, just try a bit harder, and stay away from Alec. If you're still interested in each other once you're no longer an employee here, you can begin something then. But not now. And certainly not here at work."

She fidgeted with the silver bangles on her wrist and nodded. "Yes, Ms. Swan. I do want to keep this job, honestly."

I smiled reassuringly at her. "Just stay away from Alec and you won't have to worry about that."

She nodded and stood up, leaving without another word. I was still irritated with her, but she seemed sincere in her desire to continue working here and deserved another chance.

I got back to work, hoping that the day's drama was over. I called Alyssa to my office and we discussed the questions I had for her about the Walker case. It took several hours to untangle some confusion, and we worked through lunch without even noticing. I had texts from Edward asking how my day was going. I quickly sent him a reply that I was overwhelmed at work and sorry I couldn't talk. He promptly responded with a brief message saying he hoped it was resolved quickly and that he would look forward to hearing from me when I had time later. I took that chance to tell him thanks, appreciating that he never tried to interfere with my work. He understood how important it was to me, and I was grateful.

Unfortunately, my afternoon was far less peaceful than I'd hoped for. I stepped out of my office to use the restroom when I overheard Alec on the phone. He was sitting in his office with the door wide open, with his expensive Italian-leather shoes resting on his equally-expensive desk. He was leaning back in his chair and talking loudly.

"I have this Harcourt case totally nailed. The little minions in the office are running around doing the dirty work to get the lying sap off. The guy told me he strangled his rich, bitch of a wife and I'm going to make him look like a saint. Once I dispose of the pictures of him screwing the hot little number he has working for him, and I play my card against opposing council that I secured last night, the guy's in the clear with a nice payday coming my way. All I have to do is write up my opening argument, get in front of a jury, and work my magic. They'll be back with a verdict of not-guilty for the cheating bastard in twenty minutes.

"Opposing council doesn't have a clue what I'm about to throw her way. I'll eat her alive in that court room. You should have seen her pretty little lips wrapped around the dude I hired to pick her up last night. He had her singing like a canary and even got her to spill some information on the case. I'll flash a few of those pictures her way, throw her completely off her game and she won't have a prayer in hell. Pity really. Jessica would have made a nice _asset_ to our firm. Now she'll be lucky to get a job as a law clerk at a legal aid office."

He laughed loudly and I forced myself to walk away and step into the restroom to compose myself. Flying off the handle wasn't going to help the situation. If I was going to expect proper behavior for a law office from Alec, I had to remain calm.

Jeremy Harcourt was the doctor accused of strangling his wife. It was an extraordinarily high profile case, even for our office, and Alec's cavalier attitude infuriated me. I knew the police had some very solid evidence and there were rumors of a string of mistresses and violent behavior in Jeremy Harcourt's past. There was no way it was an open and shut case. There was too much media speculation surrounding it and there was bound to be negative press if Alec wasn't able to succeed. Particularly if he did shoddy work.

His attitude about the case galled me, but what worried me even more was his lack of discretion. He had been openly gossiping about a client, which violated attorney-client privilege, regardless to whom he had been speaking.

And resorting to blackmail to win a case? I shuddered at the thought. Knowing Alec, it was possible he was just talking out of his ass and hadn't actually done that. But if there was even a chance of him having done something that would not only get him disbarred and potentially in legal trouble of his own, I had to know. Afraid that if I jumped the gun, I'd never be able to catch him, I decided to work harder to find evidence of what Alec had done. I had sacrificed so much for this firm and I would do whatever it took to protect my family's legacy.

When I had calmed down, I walked slowly to Alec's office. He had finished his phone conversation and was idly flipping through a luxury car brochure as if he had nothing better to do. I ground my teeth together in frustration and rapped quietly on the door. He looked up and gave me a mocking smile as he tossed the brochure onto his desk.

"To what do I owe the dubious honor of a visit from you? Come to scold me for being naughty with the help?"

"May I come in?" I asked, trying be as polite as possible.

"Go for it." He rolled his eyes and lowered his feet the floor. He leaned back and steepled his hands together in a gesture that reminded me of his father. Only, instead of finding it amusing, coming from Alec I found it aggravating.

After closing the door, I remained standing, resting my hands on the chair across from his desk.

"Alec, I know you and I haven't always gotten along, but I think it's important that we at least remain civil." He raised an eyebrow at me and didn't reply. "However, that doesn't mean that I'm going to just sit by while you do things that risk the reputation of this firm. This Harcourt case is the real deal. If you fuck this up, we're in big trouble. And I won't let you take this office down with you."

"Is this about Lauren?" he asked.

"That's part of it," I admitted. "You can't tell me that you think groping an employee in the conference room is really appropriate behavior at work."

He gave me a laconic smile. "Did you see me actually doing any groping, Swan?"

I ground my teeth to keep from shouting at him. "Alec…"

"God, you're so fucking uptight, Bella. I meant what I said earlier. Get laid a bit more often, and you'll be a hell of a lot more fun."

"My personal life is none of your business, Alec," I snapped.

He smirked at me. "So you do actually have one? We all thought everything between your thighs had shriveled up after Riley left."

Instead of slapping him like I wanted to, I gripped the back of chair tighter. I tried to remind myself that he was acting like such an ass just to get a rise out of me, and that I didn't need to stoop to his level.

My words came out cold and hard. "Stop right there if you don't want me filing a sexual harassment suit against you, Alec. You're an immature, spoiled brat, and nothing like your father. You're a disgrace to him, to this office, and to the entire field. You've been riding on your father's name and your looks for a long time, but it isn't going to last forever. Get your shit together."

I stalked out of the room, trying not to mow down anyone in my path. Even Lauren gave me a terrified look as I stormed into my office and closed the door. I managed not to slam it, but barely. With an aggravated huff of frustration, I took a seat at my desk and pressed my fingers to my temples. The confrontation with Alec had given me a raging headache and I wanted nothing more than to go home and sleep it off. Preferably, in Edward's bed. Just the thought of slipping between the soft sheets, breathing in his scent, and feeling his arms around me was enough to slow my heart rate a little.

Unfortunately, actually climbing into bed with Edward wasn't an option. I spent a few minutes taking slow, deep breaths, then popped a couple of painkillers and downed a bottle of water. I massaged my temples for a few minutes and got back to work. Alec might be a fuck-up, but I wouldn't go down without fighting. I had given up so much for this firm. It was one of the biggest reasons why I didn't follow Riley to Washington D.C. It was about so much more than just my own career; it was about the legacy my grandfather and father had created. The trust of our clients hinged on a spotless reputation and impeccable record. Even if Alec didn't care about our clients, I did. Letting him aggravate me to point of distraction was only going to hurt them.

An hour later when I lifted my head, it was only because of a quiet knock on my office door. "Come in," I called out. I scribbled down one last note, afraid I'd forget my train of thought if I didn't.

To my surprise, Aro walked in. "Bella!" he called out cheerfully. He had a funny little way of pronouncing my name, and it always came out sound like 'Bellar' with his accent. I smiled at him and stood. He held out his arms and I went around the desk to hug him.

Aro always looked a bit like a cross between a funeral director and a vampire, and today was no exception. He wore a black suit with a black shirt. His hair was jet black and his skin was alabaster white. Still, there was a twinkle in his eyes as he smiled at me.

"You look wonderful, Bella," he said. "I haven't seen you look this well in ages. Come; tell me what's put such a glow in your cheeks."

I smiled at him. I didn't have the heart to tell him my cheeks were pink from frustration with his son. "Just the thrill of a good case, Aro. How are you?"

"Good, good. Just checking to see how things are running around here."

I dropped my voice and summoned my courage. While I knew I could talk to Aro about anything, Alec was his son. "That's something I'd like to speak to you about, actually."

"Of course. You know you can come to me with anything."

I walked over to close the door and we both took seats on the low couch along one wall. "Aro, I'm really concerned about Alec."

He frowned at me. "What is it?"

"Well, the Jeremy Harcourt trial for one," I said.

"Is something going on with the case that concerns you? You're not council for the Harcourt trial," he asked.

"I'm not, but due to the attention it has received and the negative effects it could have on the firm, I've been paying attention. I'm concerned it may be a bit much for Alec and his team. And if I'm honest, I'm not sure it was wise to accept the case to begin with. There is a lot of questionable legality revolving around Harcourt."

Aro's expression grew concerned. "I agree. I wouldn't have taken this one on if I'd been consulted. Perhaps Alec's bitten off more than he can chew. I love my son, but I have to be realistic about his skills. He's brilliant in front of a jury, but if he doesn't have the right tactic and hasn't taken the time to do his research, it won't matter. Perhaps it would be appropriate for me to step in and oversee things. I can sacrifice a few golf games to ensure that things are handled correctly, and that the reputation of this office stays intact."

"Thank you, Aro," I said. "I really do worry over this trial and want the integrity of our firm to remain intact. I really appreciate you offering to step in."

"Of course, Bella. Did you have any other concerns?" he asked.

Immediately, my mind jumped to my altercation with Alec but I knew I had to be careful and sure of something before talking with Aro about it. At least with him looking in on the case now, I could turn my attention to my own cases and into actually investigating Alec. Aro's keen eye would discover the truth on his own. I knew Aro would do what was necessary to keep everything regarding the Harcourt trial legal and ethical. I did, however, feel it necessary to mention things regarding Lauren to him.

"Well, I've seen a few things that concern me lately. My temporary assistant, Lauren, well, she's a bit of a flirt, and I've talked to both her and Alec about their behavior. I caught them in the conference room this morning. Their behavior was quite suggestive for work—really rather inappropriate, to be honest. Lauren seems like she wants to stay here until Gianna comes back, and she's promised she'll try to avoid any situations like that with him in the future, but I'm worried that it'll continue to be an issue. Frankly, it's a lawsuit waiting to happen."

Aro frowned. "That is potentially damaging situation. You know how hard I've tried to avoid any sort of impropriety here."

"I do, and that's why I brought it up."

"Of course; I'll speak to Alec about this," Aro said, appearing deep in thought.

"Thank you," I said gratefully. "I knew you'd understand."

"Of course, Bella. You know I think of you like a daughter. Your father and I worked hard to build the firms integrity and reputation. It's nice to see your concern for keeping things above board. I wish I could say the same for my son. We couldn't be happier about you taking over eventually. You're just about ready to become partner, I think. Certainly by the end of the year."

I felt my heart speed up in my chest, thrilled that at least things in my work life were going well. I thanked Aro and he assured me I would be seeing him around the office often until the Harcourt case was resolved.

Relieved to finally be able to put both issues from my mind, I said goodbye to Aro and got back to work. I stayed late that night, ordering take out and working until my eyes were bleary. With an exhausted groan, I sat back and decided to head home. After cleaning up the mess of paperwork that covered my desk and shutting down my computer, I left the office, saying good night to the night guard on my way out and made my way to my car. The clock on the dashboard said eleven p.m. It had been a while since I'd stayed at work that late.

I sent Edward a quick message once I was home before going to bed. His response left a smile on my face as I fell asleep.

_**Good night, beautiful.**_

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So what do you think of Alec? Does he make your skin crawl? Ugh, I feel the need to shower now. This chapter was originally twice as long but we felt it best to move what happens next to its own chapter. So we apologize for the shorty, but just think, now there is an additional chapter in the story!

Thank you for all the great reviews on the last few chapters. We've heard from a lot of you and that's a good sign. We love to know what you guys think of things. Some of you have expressed some concern that the happiness our couple is experiencing right now is only temporary. . . . Well, just remember every relationship needs closure. ;)

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	28. Chapter 26 - Expanding

So here it is, the second part of the previous chapter. It would have just been way too long keeping them together so I hope you don't mind that we split them up.

The song for this chapter was provided by AshesAshes. It's called "Heal Over" by KT Tunstall youtu*be/S9N-33T9Fvs and it's so very perfect for our Edward—darn you Dory for making me cry! I highly recommend you check out the words. Here is the pictease: i48*tinypic*com/161b72p*jpg Look who it is!

Thanks to our beta's, karenec, AshesAshes, LJ Summers, and jakeward. You amaze us with your use of the colors, strikethroughs, and the insert comment feature.

Disclaimer: _All publicly recognizable characters, settings, etc. are the property of their respective owners. The original characters and plot are the property of the author. The author is in no way associated with the owners, creators, or producers of any media franchise. No copyright infringement is intended._

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**Chapter Twenty-Six: Expanding**

The following day went much more smoothly, and I found that I couldn't wait to talk with Edward. He called me on his lunch, and I eagerly answered my phone.

"How is your day going?" he asked.

I sighed and sat back in my chair, taking a moment to stretch out the kinks from my back. "Much better than yesterday. Thanks. Yours?"

"Not bad. I have a question for you. My friends Emmett and Rosalie invited me over. How would you feel about coming with me to have dinner at their place?" he asked.

"Tonight?" I asked, taking a sip of water and clearing a spot on my desk so I could eat my lunch. I opened the packaged salad and frowned at it, wishing for something more substantial.

"Yes. If you're busy with work or have other plans, that's fine. I just thought I'd ask. I don't get to see them much; they're hardly ever home."

"What do they do for a living?" I asked, curious.

"Have I never mentioned them before?"

"Just briefly."

"Well, he's a model, and she's his agent. He's pretty successful so they spend more time jetting around the globe than they do at home," Edward explained.

"Wow, that sounds exciting. I don't have any plans tonight; I'd be happy to go with you."

"Great."

"Should I bring anything?" I asked.

"I have a bottle of wine to bring. I think we're all set."

"What time is dinner?"

"Seven."

"Sounds good; that will give me time to go home and change."

"Do you want me to pick you up?"

"That would be great. I'll let Jacob know to expect you."

"Okay," he said and then chuckled.

"What's so funny?' I asked, returning his laugh.

"Just Jacob. I know he's the doorman, but I can't help but wonder if he's really much security."

"I know; that's why his nephew, Seth, is usually also around." I glanced over at the clock. "I'm sorry, Edward, but I have to go; I have a file to review if I'm going to leave on time today."

"That's fine. Have a great rest of the day, Bella."

"See you tonight."

The afternoon passed slowly, much to my dismay. I was waiting on several resources to proceed on my own case, which left me with time on my hands. I decided to use the opportunity to do a little investigating into Alec. Because I wasn't technically council for Harcourt, I had to tread lightly. I started by reviewing his financial transactions and billables through the firm. If I could find sufficient reason to explain why I was digging up dirt on what he was doing, I could dig deeper and actually look into his case files.

It was quarter to five, and I was deep in legal notes when I heard a knock on my door. My eyes snapped to attention and I tensed, realizing I hadn't locked the door. To anyone walking in the door, it would be clear that I was poking around in things I shouldn't have been. Because Alec had left earlier in the day, I hadn't felt the need to be overly cautious. When I didn't answer right away, Vanessa poked her head in. Once I realized it was only her, I relaxed. Had it been anyone else, things could have escalated rather quickly with questions I couldn't answer, and I wasn't far enough into my investigation to be able to explain my actions.

"What are you up to? You look like you're investigating a murder trial," she said with a laugh, gesturing to the mess that was on my desk. I had papers strewn all over—on the floor, on the desk—and boxes stacked on either side of me. "Can I help you with something?"

"Hey. You out of here for the day?" I asked, trying to change the subject. Vanessa looked at me and quirked one eyebrow. She knew something was up. I quickly stood and reached for my coat and purse, as if I was going to head out myself. "I'm about ready to go; do you want to walk out together?" I asked, hoping she would go along with me.

"Bella, what are you doing?" Vanessa was smart, and obviously, she wasn't going to let things go.

I took a deep breath and put my things back down, taking a seat again behind my desk. "Do you mind closing that?" I gestured to the door she had left part-way open. She gave me a look but did as I asked and came to sit in one of the two chairs across from me.

I looked at the papers in front of me, trying to figure out where to start. Vanessa hadn't been in the office during my exchange with Alec and Lauren, so I figured I'd start with what I'd overheard him saying on the phone. I knew I could trust her and that she felt the same way about how Alec conducted business.

I described the previous day's events with Lauren and Alec, and Vanessa listened attentively. Then I went into what I found while digging through his case records.

"I've been reviewing the financials. I figured that was the best place to start so as not to draw too much attention. Ness, I can't believe some of the things he's been doing. So many expenses, so many "other" unexplained sources _paid_ for services—all billed to the clients and not questioned. It's unbelievable." I shook my head in disgust.

"It's clear to me that he's billing the clients for far more _hours_ than he's actually working. I have no idea how far back that goes, though; I'm barely through the most recent files. He's also billing them for items and services completely _unrelated_ to cases. And I looked over his phone records. There are multiple calls to Jared Cameron. Do you remember him? He was the SFPD detective who was investigated several years back for corruption. Now, it's plausible that Alec had a valid reason for contacting Cameron on a single case. But multiple cases, _prior_ to Cameron's investigation? That doesn't feel right.

"I also found expenses written off by the firm for numerous things that I can't link to any clients directly. Alec has multiple receipts for dinners, travel expenses, entertainment, and things I know for a _fact_ he would never be a part of. So what's the explanation for that? I did link some of it to the Assistant D.A. and Judge Cheney—who we _know_ has an uncanny habit of being the docket judge for most of Alec's trials. At best, his behavior is unethical; at worst, he's bribing them for judicial favors. The only thing I'm not sure of is how Cameron fits into everything. Taken individually, any of these things could be innocuous, but together . . . they're adding up."

After going through everything I had found, I took a break to let Vanessa process.

"Bella, you do realize if any of this gets out, the firm could face criminal charges from the state bar, right?"

"I know. And that's why I'm looking into things now. I knew Alec was up to something before, and after hearing him on the phone, I knew I had do something. I talked to Aro yesterday, and he's going to look in on the Harcourt case, but this goes deeper than that. Alec can't keep doing this."

"Did you mention anything to Aro?" she asked, clearly as concerned as I was.

"Not about this specifically. Until I have a concrete grasp on what he's been doing, I figured it's best to wait. But now, the more I look into things, the more evidence I find and I'm worried it may be too late. I need to build a case against him, and as hard as that's going to be, I don't think I have any choice."

"Well, count me in. I've been waiting to get my claws into that snake, and I'll be damned if I let him ruin my career. I'll do some digging and talk to some of my contacts. Maybe I can even get a tail on him." I could see the wheels in Vanessa's brain churning and the spark of excitement flare in her expressions. She was a brilliant lawyer, and there wasn't a case she'd lost since being hired on at the firm. I knew I could count on her to exhaust all means necessary to get the information she needed to build a case.

"Just be careful. We need to keep things quiet until we have something solid against him. Then we can take it to Charlie and Aro for the next step."

"You got it."

I glanced up at the clock and cussed silently under my breath. It was five-thirty and I was going to be late meeting Edward. I still had several papers I wanted to review before I had to go, and now that Vanessa was on board with things, I contemplated calling Edward to reschedule.

"What's wrong?" Vanessa asked, noticing my reaction.

I sighed. "I have plans with Edward tonight, but now, I'm not sure I'll make it. I'd like to stick with this."

Vanessa shook her head. "Bella, go. This can wait until the morning. Go. Enjoy your night and let me get some stuff together. We'll pick on Monday."

"Are you sure, Ness? I'd really appreciate your help. I'm supposed to meet some of Edward's friends tonight, and I'd hate to cancel on him."

"No problem." She stood and helped me clean up the papers. "So things are going pretty well for you two, huh?"

"Yeah, they are." I couldn't disguise the smile that crossed my face, or the slight blush that filled my cheeks as I thought about where things stood between Edward and me. We had come a long ways since we'd met, and I could honestly say I was happy for the first time in a long while.

She placed the last of the files in a box and closed the lid. "That's great, Bella. Edward seems like a nice guy, and I can really see the change in you."

I smiled as I reached for my things and locked the file drawers in my desk. I made a note on my calendar to pick things up with Vanessa on Monday, and we left the office. I made it home just after six and frantically tried to change before Edward arrived. He was at my door at six-thirty on the dot, and I sighed with relief when I was sitting in the passenger seat of his car.

"You okay?" he asked.

I nodded, taking a deep breath trying to steal the nerves that'd been building since Edward invited me. Meeting his closest friends felt significant, even though I had already met his sister, Alice, and his mother. "Yes. I was just afraid I was going to be cutting it too close. I got out of the office way later than I'd intended."

He chuckled. "I hope my invitation tonight didn't cause any problems."

I shook my head. "Not at all. I'll pick things back up on Monday."

As we headed to Pacific Heights, Edward told me about his day. Before I knew it, we were parked and Edward was helping me from the vehicle and squeezing my hand as we walked into the lobby of Rose and Emmett's building.

"I'm glad you came with me tonight."

I looked up at him and smiled, slightly nervous. "I am, too," I murmured softly.

We were both quiet on the ride up to the eleventh floor, but he never stopped rubbing soft circles on my hand. I felt a new wave of nerves wash over me as he knocked on their door. I tried to shake off the anxiety, but Edward must have sensed my skittishness. He leaned over and spoke quietly in my ear.

"You have nothing to worry about. They're going to love you."

I gave him a grateful look as the door opened to reveal a tall, well-built man with closely cropped blond hair, bright blue eyes, and deep dimples. Edward stepped forward, letting go of my hand to embrace the guy enthusiastically. "It's good to see you, Emmett," he said.

"Good to see you, too, Edward." Emmett returned his hug and looked over his shoulder to me. "And I see you brought a date."

Edward stepped back and took my hand. "This is Bella Swan. Bella, this is Emmett McCarty."

"Nice to meet you, Emmett," I said. His friendly smile put me immediately at ease, and his handshake was nice and firm.

"Nice to meet you, too. I can't think of the last time we met someone Edward was seeing. Come inside."

Edward handed the bottle of wine we'd brought to Emmett, and I followed them into the apartment. In the kitchen on the right I could see a tall woman with medium brown hair and honey colored highlights.

"Since when you do cook, Rose?" Edward asked.

She looked up, her expression warm and welcoming. "Since never. We found this amazing personal chef service. We call ahead of time to let them know when we need food; they prepare it, drop it off, and I just heat and serve."

Edward chuckled. "That sounds more like the Rose I know."

She dried her hands on a towel and walked over to us, giving me a friendly smile before hugging Edward. He hugged her tightly and when she stepped back, he took my hand and introduced us.

"Bella, this is Rosalie Hale. Rosalie, Bella Swan."

"It's very nice to meet you," she said and I murmured my agreement. "Let's go into the living room."

She ushered us down the long hallway to the open dining room and living room area. "I like your place," I said to Rosalie.

"Thank you. I wish we were home more to enjoy it."

"Yes, Edward said you travel a lot."

"We do. Emmett and I spend more time in New York, Paris, and Rome than we do here. But San Francisco is home, and we can't quite give up the idea of settling back down in the city when he retires." She stepped over to the bar. "Would you like something to drink, Bella?"

"White wine, if you have it."

"Of course." She poured a glass from the bottle that had been chilling on the sideboard, and Emmett fixed Edward a drink without even asking. They all seemed very comfortable and relaxed around each other.

When we were all seated in the living room with our drinks, Emmett spoke. "So, what is it that you do, Bella?"

"I am a lawyer; civil litigation."

Emmett chuckled. "I'd say I'm surprised, but Edward really does have a thing for smart women."

"So he's said." I glanced at him, amused by Emmett's candor, and he shrugged at me.

"Some guys go for hair color or body type; I find a woman who can speak intelligently a real turn on."

"I didn't say it was a bad thing," Emmett protested. "Just funny."

"How did you two meet?" Rosalie asked.

I took a sip of wine and glanced at Edward, hoping he'd tell the story. He put his arm around me on the back of the sofa and leaned back, taking a sip of his Scotch. "Well, I was at Leah's—"

"How is Leah, by the way?" Emmett interrupted. "Still with the hot blonde?"

"Yeah, she and Sam are both doing great. Anyway, I was sitting with Sam in the back when the door opens and this woman walks in. She had the longest, most amazing legs I'd ever seen, and was dressed in a little black trench coat and heels. She looked far too classy to be in Leah's place. She took a seat at the bar and ordered a drink, and before I knew what I was doing, I was sitting next to her."

Rosalie and Emmett both laughed at his story, and I switched my wine glass to my left hand so I could touch Edward's knee with my right. It was interesting hearing it from his perspective.

Edward sipped his drink and continued. "I tried to strike up a conversation with Bella, but she didn't even look at me before ripping into me for drinking McCallans, despite the fact that she was swilling down Drambuie. She was fierce, feisty, and the most beautiful thing I'd ever seen."

Emmett gave me a broad grin, and I couldn't help but smile back. "And you've been seeing each other since?" he asked.

Edward and I looked at each other and I could see he was struggling to explain the dynamic between us. I swallowed a sip of my wine and spoke. "Edward is pretty persistent, and I haven't made things easy for him. But yeah, we have been seeing each other since."

"Well, I don't know if it helps, but you'll never find a better guy than Edward," Rosalie said. "He's honestly one of the nicest guys I have ever met."

I squeezed Edward's knee. "I think I'm starting to figure that out. How did you and Emmett meet?"

She laughed, and it lit up her face. "Well, he was a young, cocky model, and a complete pain in my ass. I had just taken over as his agent. We were on a shoot, and he was wearing nothing but a pair of minuscule briefs and body oil when he asked me out on a date."

"You should've seen the look she gave me." Emmett smirked at his wife. "She started ripping into me about how unprofessional I was being, and how there was no way in hell she was ever going to go out with me."

"I could see him getting turned on. He just kept getting harder and harder the more I yelled," she said breaking into laughter.

Emmett chuckled and said, "Of course; once I realized she was noticing, I knew I had the upper hand." Emmett winked at her and she laughed harder.

"You've never had the upper hand, baby, but I'll keep on letting you think that." They kissed affectionately.

"I was a bit concerned about dating a client, but he was just too irresistible to keep turning down. He asked me out for months, and eventually, I caved. It was worth it, though."

"We got married about six months after we started dating," Emmett said. "I know it seems fast, and a lot of people questioned it, but neither of us could imagine being without the other."

"So, with Rosalie as your agent, you must spend a great deal of time together," I said.

"We do. It's rare we're apart for more than a few hours a day, to be honest. It works for us."

I nodded, finding their connection very endearing.

Edward spoke up. "Yeah, until you wake up one day and pretty boy has lost his charming good looks."

Emmett laughed, and Edward winked at Rose. Obviously, there must have been some joke I was missing out on.

"What do you plan to do once Emmett retires?" I asked, genuinely interested.

Rosalie spoke. "We're thinking about opening our own modeling agency. Emmett isn't just a pretty face; he has a business degree, and I think we could be pretty successful. We know the industry inside and out and have a lot of contacts."

"I didn't realize you were planning that," Edward said taking a sip of his drink. His fingertips softly caressed my shoulder, and I leaned into him more, liking his touch.

"It's something fairly new, but we've been talking about it a lot lately. We're both thinking about the fact that we're not getting any younger, and that we should start thinking about kids soon."

Edward shrugged. "Emmett's thirty, and you're thirty-three, Rosalie. That's hardly ancient."

Rosalie frowned at Edward, and I wondered if she was uncomfortable about him bringing up her age.

"Of course not," she said. "But it is something to consider. Experts say that a woman's fertility drops off sharply after thirty, and after thirty-five, you're really setting yourself up for problems—for both you and the baby. Besides, we're hoping to have two or three, and that really means we need to start now."

I twisted my glass in my fingertips, suddenly feeling awkward and very uncomfortable. I thought about how quickly I was to approaching thirty, and how Riley and I had been on a similar track not so long ago.

"Well, best of luck," Edward said. "You know I'm looking forward to both of you being home more, and to being 'Uncle Edward.'"

Rosalie laughed. "Yes, we know. We know you'll spoil them rotten."

"Absolutely," Edward said. "And teach them early on to like modern art."

He glanced over at me, and I gave him a tight-lipped smile. "Yes, I'd imagine you'll have them in the museum before they can walk," I said, desperately trying to keep the emotion I was holding back out of my voice.

Edward frowned and his fingers softly rubbed my upper arm, no doubt sensing I was fighting to keep things in check. "Well, they say it's never too early to start."

Rosalie and Emmett both laughed, and she turned to say something quietly to Emmett. Edward turned to me and murmured in my ear, "Are you all right?"

I took a deep breath and nodded. "Yes. Thank you, though." I rubbed his knee, appreciating that he'd noticed I was struggling. He gave me a long, serious look, but didn't comment further. Instead, he leaned forward and kissed my temple, his lips lingering there for a moment.

"Excuse me, I need to use the restroom," I said quietly. Edward instructed me to head back down the hall toward the front door.

"It's on your right."

In the bathroom, I took a moment to compose myself. When I returned to the living room, Rosalie informed us dinner was ready. "Would you like to have a seat at the table?"

"Is there anything I can to do to help, Rosalie?" I asked, and she shook her head.

"Top off your wine if you'd like it, but other than that, no. I have everything under control."

We took our seats, and as the conversation moved on to other topics, I relaxed. Dinner was very good, and I made sure to tell Rosalie how much I enjoyed it.

"So, we went to the National Gallery of Modern Art when we were in Rome last week, Edward."

Edward groaned. "I am so jealous; I haven't been there in years. The Kandinskys were on loan when I was there, and I wished I had been able to see them. Please tell me you saw the collection." I enjoyed his obvious enthusiasm.

"We did. They were extraordinary. Emmett really liked the Klimt though."

Edward turned to Emmett to ask him about the Klimt piece, and Rosalie asked me a question about my work.

When the discussion wound down and dinner was over, we took our freshened drinks back into the living room, and I asked a question that had been on my mind for a while. "How did the three of you meet?"

Emmett looked at Edward. "Edward and I were roommates our sophomore year at Berkeley," he explained, and Edward nodded in agreement. "He disliked me at first, too."

"Really?" I said. "Why?"

Emmett rolled his eyes and snorted with laughter. "Edward though he had me pegged. He took one look at me and thought he knew exactly what type of guy I was."

Edward spoke up quickly. "In my defense, when I walked into our dorm, his side of the room was completely covered with pictures of half-naked cheerleaders. He was shirtless, doing one-armed pushups for Christ's sake. Yes, I assumed he was a jock."

"No," Emmett retorted. "You assumed I was a brainless jock."

"That's true," Edward said. "And I still feel bad about that."

"You should." Emmett grinned to show there were no hard feelings. "That's all right; I figured you were gay. Not that I had a problem with it; it just meant we were both completely wrong about each other."

"Just because I was studying art history didn't mean I was gay," Edward chastised him. "Have you seen some of the girls who take art history classes? Even if I hadn't been into art, it would have been worth it."

I laughed, picturing a younger Edward turning girls' heads left and right. I wasn't hard to imagine that he had been highly sought after.

"So, what changed your mind?" I asked Emmett.

"About thinking he was gay? I met his girlfriend, Heidi. Has he told you about her?"

"Yes. The microbiologist, right?"

Edward nodded and Emmett spoke. "Hottest chick in a lab coat, ever. Edward always managed to find the most extraordinary women; I can see that hasn't changed."

I thanked him before I asked my next question. "So all it took was finding out he had a hot girlfriend to make you friends?"

"No, not really," Edward said. "It was actually my stats midterm that did it."

"That's right!" Emmett boomed. "This poor fucker was struggling in the class. He had a 4.0 in everything else, but statistics was just not his thing. He wasn't failing, but he was panicking that he wasn't going to have a perfect score for the semester. When I realized how freaked out he was, I told him I'd help him out. You should have seen the look he gave me—like the very idea of it was the most ludicrous thing ever."

"Hey, once I saw you knew what you were talking about, I listened," Edward protested.

"You did. And you got a 3.95 in the class because of me, too."

"Absolutely. I owe you big time."

We spent the rest of the evening laughing as the three of them reminisced. Rosalie met Edward through Emmett, and apparently, the three of them spent a great deal of time together. I was surprised to find that I didn't feel left out, despite how much time they spent regaling the early years of their friendship and all the things they've done together. They seemed happy to catch me up on all of their old stories. By the time we left, I felt like I'd known them much longer than a few hours.

Edward was relaxed, and I could tell he was happy as we drove to my apartment. When I invited him to stay at my place, he readily accepted. He didn't comment on the fact that we stayed in the guest bedroom, and I appreciated that he didn't push things. We both fell asleep quickly, and, in the morning, we were reluctant to get out of bed.

Before Edward left, I walked him to the door, and he leaned forward, pressing his forehead against mine. "You make me happy, Bella."

"You make me happy, too."

We kissed goodbye again before I reluctantly let him leave, surprised by just how lonely my apartment seemed without him.

* * *

Rose and Emmett are cute, yeah? Bella's finally entering into Edward's world and that's a good sign. What do you think about Bella digging into Alec? Smart to bring Vanessa in on things? Tell us what you think, what you'd like to know, or what you hate. We love to hear what you guys have to say. See you next Thursday!

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	29. Chapter 27 - Honesty

We mention the band He's My Brother, She's My Sister in this chapter. I've seen them before and they are fantastic, so if you ever want a killer show, go check them out. The song for this chapter is by them and it's called, "Escape Tonight" youtu*be/Cmj7ya98tj4

In case you missed it on Twitter or Discordia's Facebook/Tumblr (go check out the yummy), here's the pictease: i47*tinypic*com/169na1e*jpg She made it, isn't it awesome? Oh her talent swoons me. And we can't go any further without thanking our fabulous team of _Le Cow_ betas: karenec, LJ Summers, AshesAshes, and jakeward. Edward's "luggage" thanks you.

Disclaimer: _All publicly recognizable characters, settings, etc. are the property of their respective owners. The original characters and plot are the property of the author. The author is in no way associated with the owners, creators, or producers of any media franchise. No copyright infringement is intended._

* * *

**Chapter Twenty-Seven: Honesty**

After Edward left for his meeting, I dressed in casual clothes and went into my study, taking a moment to enjoy the view of the San Francisco skyline as my laptop booted up. The sun glittered off the buildings and the sky was blue and nearly cloudless. I put on some mellow music to listen to while I worked.

I pulled out my files for the Walker case, making notes as I read through them. After an hour and a half, Edward called to let me know his meeting was over and he'd be back at my place after running a few errands. Things with Alec had been in the back of my mind since I'd talked to Ness so I figured I'd dig around a bit more while I waited.

Turning to my laptop, I did a Google search for Jared Cameron. I knew I wouldn't find anything I could classify as fact without verification of the source, but I figured it didn't hurt to become more familiar with him**.**

Six years ago, Jared Cameron was a San Francisco P.D. detective who specialized in high profile cases. He was a bit of a local celebrity and had connections with the Mayor, Senator, and others in high-power legislation. Some even speculated that Detective Cameron's connections were how he had reached his position within San Francisco P.D.

When a particular case involving the murder of the Senator's finance campaign manager came along, Detective Cameron was tried as a suspect and**,** ultimately as an accessory in the woman's death. Rumors circulated that he and the campaign manager were having an affair, and that the Senator was using that as leverage in exchange for favors. When the news of the woman's death broke, the media immediately focused on the Senator's office**,** and the connection was made between him and Detective Cameron. The case was later dismissed, and things were eventually washed away, replaced by the next big scandal, but shortly after the focus was shifted away from Detective Cameron, he retired from the force.

There wasn't much to find on Cameron post-retirement, except that he was clearly a close associate of Judge Benjamin Cheney. They played golf together every Wednesday at The Olympic Club**,** and he was unofficially known as Ben Cheney's bodyguard.

I pulled up a blank spreadsheet and started mapping out all the connections I'd discovered between the various parties. I was just about to start looking into Judge Cheney when I heard a knock on the door. Quickly, I saved my file and closed my laptop, before hurrying to answer it.

Edward stood outside my door, carrying a small bouquet of white roses**,** topped with a wash of pale yellow in the center. They were a wild-looking variety with ruffled blossoms that smelled absolutely incredible, even from a few feet away.

He handed them to me with a smile**,** and I buried my nose in the blossoms. "These are beautiful, Edward; thank you. Where did you get them?"

"A stall at the market by Fisherman's Wharf. I picked up some lunch for us, too." He held up a bag. "Have you eaten yet?" He came inside the apartment**,** and I followed him into the kitchen.

"I haven't. You are so thoughtful."

I found a small vase, filled it with water, and carefully put the roses in it. I took one last appreciative sniff before setting them down on the dining room table. He set the bag of food on the counter and shrugged, crooking his finger to invite me to come over to him.

I went willingly, nestling into his arms as I kissed his cheek. "I don't know what I did to deserve being spoiled like this."

"Isn't it enough that you're the most brilliant and beautiful lawyer in San Francisco?" he asked, looking down at me.

"If it were true, yes," I said, laughing.

He nuzzled my neck with his lips and spoke quietly. "It must be true. There isn't another woman out there who compares to you."

I held him tighter, not wanting to let go of this moment, or this feeling, for anything. "Thank you."

He held me close for a long while before he kissed my forehead and let me go. We had our lunch at the kitchen counter, eating the delicious soup and sandwiches he'd brought.

After lunch, I took Edward out to the rooftop deck of the building. I rarely used it, but the weather was incredible**,** and I liked the idea of spending the day relaxing with him. We spent the next few hours just talking and laughing, curled up together on a large lounger as we soaked up a little sun. It was a beautiful, warm day with a light**, **salty breeze coming off the water.

By late afternoon**,** when the sun went behind the clouds, Edward was laying with his head in my lap. I had been idly combing through his hair with my fingertips and his eyes were closed. There was a slight chill in the air now as the crisp evening settled around us.

"We should probably head inside," I said reluctantly.

He shook his head and smiled with his eyes still closed. "No. This is perfect. I don't want to go anywhere."

I chuckled softly. "It's been so nice to get outside for a few hours and do absolutely nothing but spend time with you."

I raked my fingers through his hair again, leaning down to press my lips softly to his before gently pushing him to sit up.

He smiled, stretching as he sat up. "I suppose it's cooling down."

I grinned at the wild chaos I'd made of his hair. Edward was normally so pulled-together looking. Right now, he had on a pair of jeans, a rather wrinkled button-down shirt, a slightly dazed expression, and hair that suggested we'd been doing far more than lying in each other's arms and talking.

He stood, pulling me to my feet, and I burrowed up against his chest. "It's starting to get cold."

He rubbed his hands up and down my arms to warm me up, peppering my lips with teasing kisses. Before it could get too intense, he drew back with a lopsided, knowing smile and took my hand in his.

"If we're not careful we could get carried away. We seem to have trouble with that." His voice was low and husky, sending a thrill through me.

"You make it easy for me to forget where I am." I stretched and kissed him briefly again. With a wry smile, he took my hand**,** and we went back to my apartment.

That evening, Edward and I finally made it to the movie we'd intended to see the previous week. After the movie and a casual dinner of pizza, we went back to Edward's place. As I got ready for bed, I looked at my reflection in the mirror in his bathroom. There was color in my cheeks, my eyes were shining brightly, and I had a smile on my face that didn't seem to want to go away.

I felt like an entirely different person by the time we slid between the sheets to go to bed. Edward curled his body around mine**,** and I happily settled into his arms. I tilted my head to kiss his forearm where it wrapped around my upper chest. He made a low sound of contentment**,** and I closed my eyes. I fell asleep thinking about the day and how happy I felt.

**~LTOYL~**

On Sunday morning, we reluctantly went our separate ways; Edward had plans with his family**,** and I had to tie up some things on the Walker case. The trial was fast approaching**,** and I needed to spend the next few days working hard so I was more than ready. I also wanted to check into Judge Cheney some more before meeting with Vanessa on Monday.

That night, after going over my own case, I research Cheney before bed. I spent hours searching for information but unfortunately, turned up very little. Cheney had a fairly clean record**,** and nothing struck me as out of the ordinary**.** The only thing that caught my attention, was his high rate of out-of-court settlements and case dismissals, but because he was a criminal court judge, it wasn't uncommon for that to happen**. **However, it did make me curious. I made a note to look into it further if need be.

On Monday morning, I got to work at my usual**,** early time—long before anyone else in the office. Just a short while after I got settled, Vanessa came barging in my door. She quickly shut the door and came to sit in one of the two chairs opposite me.

"Bella! You'll never guess what I got my hands on. I was able to call in a favor with a P.I. I know. He was involved in some undercover work while investigating Jared Cameron, and when I told him I was looking into Alec Volturi, he recognized his name. _Not_ because he knows Alec's a lawyer and Aro Volturi's son, but because he remembered him from the_ investigation_!"

"Well good morning to you, too," I said, completely blown away by what she'd just said.

"Yeah, yeah." She waved me off and looked down to rifle through her briefcase. "Anyway, Jenks was assigned to tail Cameron and said he often remembered seeing Cameron and Alec together. I asked him if he could look into things for me. Bella, he had pictures!" She triumphantly pulled out a manila, untagged envelope. "I have in my possession pictures of Alec Volturi**,** wining and dining not only Jared Cameron**,** but also Judge Benjamin Cheney and his head clerk, Angela Weber."

I took the package from her and began to flick through the black and whites. She placed her bag back on the floor beside her and continued. "I cross-referenced Cameron, Cheney, and Weber with what I have so far, and it turns out**,** they were all involved in the Collin Littlesea trial that Alec was head council for. The date on the pictures was exactly one month before the case went to trial." She pointed to the dates printed on the back. "No one thought Littlesea was innocent and yet, somehow, he got off on a technicality. Turns out, the technicality was insufficient evidence on the D.A.'s part and the case was thrown out. After the trial, Judge Cheney had the case sealed**,** and both Littlesea _and_ Cameron's records were expunged. _That's _how Cameron ultimately got off as a suspect in the campaign manager's murder." She took a deep breath before looking me square in the eyes and said, "Bella, this is _huge_. If any of this gets out, more than just Alec will go down."

I sat quietly, processing the abundance of information Vanessa had just given me. As I pieced it all together, I realized what she was saying. Alec was deeply involved in something far greater than blackmail. He was associating with possibly corrupt politicians judicial officials, and retired law enforcement. The magnitude of charges that _could_ come from that, if anything they did turned out to be illegal, would be huge and the repercussions could stretch even further.

"That's . . . wow." I flipped through the photos again before dropping them onto my desk.

"I know," she acknowledged. "Bella, when does the Walker case go to trial?"

I gave her a questioning look. "A week from Wednesday, why?" She looked down for a moment and open and closed her mouth a few times, as if trying to gather her response. "Ness, whatever it is, say it."

She looked at me, hesitation written all over her face. "Okay, here it is. This thing with Alec is going to be tough. I don't know how far you're looking at taking this**,** or if you're even planning on doing anything, but-"

"Ness." I cut her off and squared my shoulders. "I'm going to get to the bottom of whatever Alec is involved in. Mark my words on that. I've given up the love of my life because of that man. I won't let him destroy this firm, too."

Vanessa sat up in her chair. "Okay. Then let me give you some advice—strictly professionally."

"You know I'm a civil lawyer and this isn't my area. I'm listening."

"Don't take this challenge on by yourself. You need someone who specializes in criminal law to do this justice. Someone who has the time, resources, and experience to see this through or Alec will get out of this. He may be slimy, but he's a damn good lawyer when he puts his mind to it." She took a breath. "Bella, you're good and if I ever needed a civil, hell, I'd be calling you first. But I think you need someone more experienced in criminal law to handle this."

I thought about it for a moment before nodding. "You're right. Nothing is more important than doing this correctly**,** and with the Walker trial coming up, I'm afraid one or the other will suffer if I try to tackle both."

"I have a fairly light caseload right now. If you're comfortable with it, I'd really like to take this on. You know my work and you know you can trust me. I'd love to nail Alec's ass to the wall." She gave me an almost feral grin. "You know how cutthroat I can be. If you trust me to do this, I'd love to keep going."

"I can't think of anyone better," I said honestly. "You're an amazing lawyer, Ness, and I trust you implicitly with this."

We laid out a plan of how she was going to tackle the research, and she promised to keep me in the loop every step of the way. After she left, I took a deep breath, feeling much better about the situation**,** knowing that Vanessa was going to do everything she could.

Over the next couple of days, I worked feverishly with few breaks. The only ones I did take, were to text or call Edward. His voice and soothing support helped keep me going. He was busy with his own work as well, and it made me feel good when I was able to do the same for him.

**~LTOYL~**

Edward and I spent Wednesday evening together. After we made dinner and did the dishes, I spread out my work on his dining room table and he went upstairs to do his own. A few hours later, I had done about all I could for the night and was ready to go to bed. I made a few final notes for the following day before putting everything away. Upstairs, I found Edward in his office, immersed in his work.

I gently rested my hands on his shoulders. "I'm finished," I said softly and he looked up, blinking for a moment, as if surprised. I smiled down at him. "Do you have more you need to do?"

"A little bit, yeah," he said.

"I promise I'll make it worth your while if you come to bed soon," I teased.

"Give me twenty minutes**;**I'll wrap this up."

"Perfect. I'll get ready for bed." I headed toward the bathroom, but he stopped me.

"Hey, Bella?"

"Hmm?" I turned around to face him.

"How do you feel about going out to see a band with Rosalie, Emmett, Alice, and Jasper?"

"Yeah, I'd love to go. When?"

"This coming Friday night."

"Sounds good," I said.

"Great, I'll let them know." He gave me a pleasant smile and returned to his work.

I quickly got ready for bed and slipped between the covers, snagging a book of Edward's from the nightstand. I'd hardly started reading before he appeared at the foot of the bed.

He grinned at me. "Done in less than twenty minutes. What's my reward?"

I patted the bed beside me. "C'mere."

He knelt on the edge of the bed and crawled over to me. I kissed his lips before rolling us over so I was on top.

"I'm going to make you forget that there's even such a thing as work," I promised playfully.

And I did.

**~LTOYL~**

Friday night, I wrapped up my work by six and went home to change. We were going to the Café du Nord**,** and I was really looking forward to it. It was a nightclub/restaurant with a live music venue located in the Swedish-American building in the Upper Market district. I hadn't been there in years**,**and I was eager to see the show.

Half an hour before he was supposed to pick me up**,**I got a text from Edward.

_**Stay at my place tonight? **_

Staying at Edward's place no longer felt uncomfortable. In fact, I'd grown to really like spending time at his loft and sleeping beside him. It wasn't easy at first, but it had become routine for me now.

_**I'll pack a bag now.**_

I threw together a change of clothes and everything I'd need at his place before I finished getting ready. I was just double-checking my overnight bag to be sure I had everything when there was a knock on the door. When I opened the door, Edward's eyes raked over my body with a hungry, needy stare that made my heart pound. Without a word, he closed the door, took my hand, and pulled me into the guest bedroom. At the foot of the bed, he kissed me deeply, reaching behind me to unzip my dress.

"I have been thinking about doing this all day," he said in a low, throaty tone that made me swallow hard.

My mouth went dry when he gently pushed me to sit at the edge of the bed and pushed my silky panties aside. I leaned back, resting on my hands on the bed behind me as his mouth met my skin. I watched as he devoured me; his eyes locked on mine. I gasped, shaking from the eager attention of his mouth, my heart thundering in my chest. My release came quickly; I cried out and threw my head back as the pleasure washed over me. With a smug smile, he drew back and kissed my thigh, still kneeling on the floor.

"That's what you've been thinking about all day?" I asked breathlessly, shifting so I could reach one hand up to run it through his hair.

He nodded, his eyes sparkling and his expression still smug. "Through my morning meeting and all afternoon at my desk."

He stood, and it was impossible to disguise the erection in his dark charcoal pants. I reached forward and lightly ran my fingertips across it. His breath caught in his throat as I sat up fully to unzip his trousers.

"Then I'll bet you desperately need some relief," I said.

He hissed as I freed his cock, my fingers gently wrapping around it. "I might not have thought about it all day, but I definitely am now, and I'd really like to make you feel as good as you made me feel."

When I lowered my lips to tease his balls with my tongue, he groaned.

"Not going to argue with that," he managed to get out.

I moved my lips around him, enveloping him in with my mouth, and wrapping my hand around the base. His fingertips skimmed my jaw lightly as I began to move. I wanted him to come hard and fast, and I used every trick I could think of to make it happen. A combination of quick, sliding movement and firm pressure had him panting and gasping. I wrapped one hand around his backside and pushed him further into my mouth.

"Bella," he warned me. "I'm close."

Without another thought, I tightened my grip and drew back just enough to flick my tongue to the underside of his cock. With an agonized groan of satisfaction, he shuddered against me and I swallowed. He was a panting mess when I finally slid him from my mouth**,** and he shakily tucked himself back into his pants, falling onto the bed beside me with his eyes closed.

I watched his chest heave with exertion**,** and I felt just a little smug for the reaction I caused. Not only was I glad to have pleased Edward, it was an important step. I'd dropped some of the walls that I'd been putting up between us, and it felt good. It felt right.

Edward's eyes opened lazily and he reached out for me, twisting our fingers together. He gave them a small squeeze. "You didn't have to do that, you know."

"I wanted to, Edward. I … I haven't done that with anyone since Riley," I said sheepishly. He sat up, clearly surprised and no doubt thrown by me mentioning Riley. "I just want you to know that you're special to me. I don't know exactly what this is between us, but you make me feel things I haven't felt since he left. I know this hasn't been easy, but I want you to know how important you are to me."

A pleased look crossed his face. "You're important to me, too, Bella."

I leaned in for a brief kiss and stood up, tugging at him to get him to stand, as well. I carefully put my dress back on, turning my back to him so he could zip it. He skimmed his hands down my back and wrapped his arms around my waist, pulling me close to kiss my neck.

"A _thank you_ seems inadequate."

"I could say the same to you," I replied, and he leaned in for another kiss before letting me go.

I ran to the bathroom to clean up**,** and we met back in the hall. I quickly grabbed my things**,** and we hurried down to his car.

"Are we going to be late?" I asked and Edward glanced at the dashboard clock as he started it up.

"I think we'll be fine." Edward popped some gum in his mouth as we pulled out of the parking space.

"Good. I'd feel bad if they were already there waiting on us."

"We're hardly the first couple to be late because we couldn't keep our hands off each other," he said and winked at me. "I try to avoid thinking about my sister's sex life, but I doubt she and Jasper are any different. Truthfully, I know far more about Emmett and Rosalie's love life than I'd like."

I laughed and squeezed his hand. "I just want them to like me," I said softly.

"I know Emmett and Rosalie like you," he reassured me. "She texted me to tell me as much after we had dinner at their place."

"That's good. I am looking forward to seeing Alice." Alice and I had hit it off well when she and Esme had worked on my apartment. I was sorry I hadn't kept in contact with her after that. She seemed like someone who would make a good friend.

"You'll like her husband, Jasper; he's very easy to get along with. I'm sure we'll have a great time tonight."

We parked a few blocks from Café du Nord and walked the rest of the way. Rosalie had been given free tickets to see tonight's show**,** and I wasn't familiar with the band**.**However, I had seen other shows at Cafe' du Nord in the past and was never disappointed.

Riley and I had quite a few couples as friends in Georgetown, but once he left it was hard for me to spend time with happy couples. Other than going out with Ness, I'd essentially neglected my social circle. As we got closer to the venue, I realized I missed it. Going out in a group like this was something I was really excited about. When we arrived, there was a line of people waiting to get into the club, but Edward gave our names to the bouncer, and he waved us inside.

A hostess led us to our table and surprisingly, we were the first to arrive.

Edward ordered me a glass of Drambuie and a Scotch for himself. While we waited for our drinks, he wove our fingers together. "I'm glad you wanted to come tonight," he said.

"I've been looking forward to it," I said honestly.

Our drinks arrived moments before Rosalie and Emmett. They both greeted me enthusiastically with a friendly hug. I wished I could say the same for Alice. When she and her husband showed up, she gave me a casual hello and that was all. She wasn't overtly rude, just cool to me. She hugged Edward, Rosalie, and Emmett and gave me a small smile.

"It's good to see you, Bella," she said, but the warmth didn't quite reach her eyes.

"It's good to see you, too, Alice," I said. "It's been a while."

"This is my husband, Jasper," she said. He was around Edward's height, but with a much longer torso. He was handsome, with light brown hair and an engaging, dimpled smile.

"Nice to meet you, Jasper," I said and he shook my hand.

"It's nice to meet you, too." His smile was warmer than Alice's, and I couldn't shake the uneasy feeling I picked up.

After everyone took their seats, we decided on our orders. I was between Edward and Rosalie but couldn't help but notice Alice's appraising glances every so often. I excused myself to the restroom, wanting a moment by myself but Alice followed.

The restroom was deserted except for a woman in the corner who looked too engrossed in her cell phone call to be paying us any attention.

"Alice, is something bothering you?" I asked, turning to look at her. She was small, with delicate features and dark hair. She looked nothing like Edward, except for the shape of her eyes, the long eyelashes, and fair complexion.

"I like you, Bella, I really do," Alice said softly. "My brother—he's such an amazing person, and hell, under other circumstances, I'd probably be trying to set you two up. But I saw how gutted you were when we worked on your apartment. You were barely holding it together. I know how devastated you were**,** and I just don't want to see my brother get hurt."

"Alice—" I started, realizing where she was going with this**,**but she cut me off.

"I'm just worried." Alice shook her head. "All Edward's said is that he's met a really incredible woman, and that he is taking it slow because she'd gotten out of a relationship not that long ago. He talked about your work, how beautiful you are, and a few of the times you went out. But honestly, he said almost nothing about your personal life.

"When I asked him why we hadn't met the woman he was seeing yet, he told me he didn't want to rush things but didn't go into any details as to why. I didn't really understand until I realized you were the woman he was seeing. I saw the way you two interacted at Spinnakers and put the pieces together.

"Bella, what I saw when I was working with you on your apartment. . . you were pretty upset. I can see it in your eyes even now. You aren't quite over your ex, are you?"

I sighed and shook my head, knowing I was walking a strange line between coping with moving on from Riley and seeing Edward. "I understand your concern, Alice, but I am trying with Edward. I really like having him in my life; believe me**,** I know how careful I have to be not to hurt him."

"I'm sorry if I'm reading too much into it," she said. "I just want to be sure you aren't stringing him along. He's a wonderful guy, and I'm not going to say anything to him, or anything else to you after this. Just be careful with him, all right? Edward is the kind of person who will put his own needs aside to make someone he cares about happy. Maybe I'm being overprotective; I just can't bear to see him get hurt."

"The last thing I want to do is hurt Edward," I said sincerely. She nodded, looking at her hands. "I'm trying, I really am," I reassured her. "I'll be honest, it _has_ been rough for me**,** letting Riley go**.** But I am really trying now with Edward**,** and we're both okay with taking it slow."

"Thank you for being honest," she said apologetically. "It really isn't any of my business, but Edward _is_my brother."

"It's all right. I know you're just looking out for him. He seems to have a lot of people in his life who really care about him." I smiled, reassuring her.

"He does."

Wanting to smooth things over with her, I added, "Just so you know, I am sorry I never called you back after you finished my apartment. I just wasn't in the right place to be a very good friend back then."

She nodded and squeezed my upper arm lightly. "I understand. I'm just glad to see you're doing better."

"I am," I said firmly. I turned away from Alice to check my lipstick in the mirror before turning back to her. "Now, let's go back to the table and see what everyone else is up to."

She smiled at me**,** and we walked back to the table.

I saw Edward visibly relax when we returned. "Is everything all right?" he asked when I slid into the seat next to him. "You two were gone a long time."

He put his arm around me, drawing me closer to him, and I rested my hand on his thigh. "It's fine," I reassured him. He nodded and kissed my temple.

While we were gone, the waiter had delivered our food. As we all ate, we conversed about San Francisco's social scene. Any lingering tension between Alice and me was gone by the time we finished dinner and made our way into see the band play.

She was the one I ended up sitting next to with Edward on my other side. She wasn't exceptionally talkative, but we made polite conversation about current events. I didn't feel like we were fast becoming best friends, but I didn't feel like she was quite as wary of me anymore.

The band was unique to say the least. The lead singer not only played multiple instruments at once, the entire percussion section was a tap dancer on a box. They were incredible. Edward spent most of the show with his hand on my thigh, fingertips stroking my bare skin. The laughter and easy banter that surrounded the group was relaxing, and I seemed to fit in seamlessly, earlier awkwardness with Alice aside.

After the show was over, we all left the club together. We stood on the sidewalk talking for a while with Edward's arms around me, his cheek pressed to my temple. Emmett and Rosalie invited everyone to join them at their place for drinks.

We made our apologies to the group and declined; Edward and I both had busy weeks ahead of us and wanted to spend some alone time together. Everyone seemed to understand. Goodbyes were exchanged along with hugs. Even Alice hugged me goodbye.

Edward and I walked to his car hand-in-hand. The night was cool now that the fog had blown in**,** and my buzz had taken over.

Once we were inside Edward's loft, he kissed me deeply. We stripped each other as we made our way up the winding staircase to his bedroom, leaving a trail of clothing behind us. It went against my usual fastidious nature, but I didn't care right then. I was too eager to feel his bare skin against mine and taste his lips. The sex was deep and intense, and the sky was beginning to lighten through the large arched windows when we finally succumbed to exhaustion.

* * *

So that was fun, right? Slow but steady progress for them. And what about Bella's conversation with Alice?

This chapter almost didn't make it. For some reason we kept losing it. So you'll have to let us know of it what you think by the end. Should it have stayed lost?

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	30. Chapter 28 - Shattered

WARNING: this chapter is angsty. If you've ever been through a breakup you might want a tissue or, seeing as it's Valentine's day, you might want to skip this and read tomorrow. Sorry, bad timing.

The song for this chapter is "Your Heart's a Mess" by Gotye youtu*be/GnXFJOXvL I believe it's my favorite on the whole playlist. And in case you missed it, this is the infamous Gary Danko restaurant: goo*gl/zOQMc

Thank you to our fantastic betas: karenec, LJ Summers, AshesAshes, and jakeward. They patiently clean us up and make us look all sparkly. LJ brings Glitter. ;)

Disclaimer: _All publicly recognizable characters, settings, etc. are the property of their respective owners. The original characters and plot are the property of the author. The author is in no way associated with the owners, creators, or producers of any media franchise. No copyright infringement is intended._

* * *

**Chapter Twenty-Eight: Shattered**

Edward and I both slept in the next morning. We went out for a leisurely brunch and, although I desperately wanted to spend the rest of the day with Edward, I had work to do.

"It's okay." Edward shrugged when I apologized for having to go. "You know I wouldn't want to keep you from your work, and there's always something I should be doing." He laughed. "We have a number of possible shows in the works and there's never a shortage of research to do for them."

"Thank you, Edward." We were standing on the sidewalk in front of my building and Edward pulled me closer to kiss me.

He brushed a lock of hair out of my eyes. "For what?"

"For everything." I couldn't really put into words how I was feeling; I just knew that I was incredibly grateful to him for all he'd done. Things had been so rocky for a while, but we finally seemed to have settled into a good place.

He nodded and kissed me again, his soft lips and gentle kiss saying everything he couldn't put into words either. I hugged him tightly before letting him go and heading up to my apartment.

"Call me tonight," he said and I glanced back, staring at the hopeful smile on his face. "Even if it's just for a few minutes before you go to bed."

"I will," I promised.

I went up to my apartment only long enough to put away my overnight bag and gather my briefcase before heading to the firm. The office was dim and quiet when I arrived, save for a single open door and the quiet clacking of a keyboard coming from Vanessa's office. I peered in and said hello and she jumped.

"Jesus, you startled me, Bella."

"Sorry," I apologized and walked into her office. "How are you?"

She sighed and sat back in her chair as her fingers came up to rub her temples. "I'm okay. I'm neck deep in this thing with Alec though and I got some news on my grandmother today. She isn't doing well, so I guess I've been better."

"I'm sorry." I put my bag on the seat beside me and sank into one of the chairs across the desk from her. "Is there any chance of her getting better?"

"No. It's just a matter of time now. She'll rally one week and then get worse the next. I really don't want to lose her, but at this point, I almost wonder if it might not be for the best if she just didn't wake up one morning." She blinked and wiped at her eyes with her thumb. I'd never seen Ness look so exhausted and vulnerable. I passed her a tissue from the box on her desk. "Thanks," she muttered and dabbed at her eyes. "It's just hard."

"I wish there was something I could do to help. Listen, Ness, maybe we should just hold off on things regarding Alec for a little while. I don't want you tapped out and things with your grandma are more important right now."

"No, it's good actually." She shoved the reference book on her desk away from her with a heavy sigh. "It's been a welcome distraction since there's nothing any of us can do but wait. If I need to put things on hold for a bit, I'll let you know."

"All right. If you need anything, you'll let me know, right?" I asked.

"Of course. Thanks, Bella." I could tell by her subdued demeanor that she was struggling with things and I wished there was something I could do to comfort her. She gave me a slightly watery smile and changed the subject. "So how are you? We haven't had much time to talk lately. You seem pretty happy."

"I am," I said, trying to follow Vanessa's lead on a lighter topic. "Things are going well with Edward. We're enjoying spending time together."

"I'm happy for you. Although, you're going to have to keep at least _one_ evening free in the next few weeks so we can go out dancing. With everything going on with my grandma, I need a break." She smiled sadly.

"Sure, I'd love to go," I reassured her.

The conversation moved on to work and, after a little while, I headed to my office so I could make some progress on the Walker case. It felt like every time I finished some aspect of it, something new would crop up.

The day seemed to fly by. Vanessa left long before I did and I waved goodbye to her as she passed my door. It was late when I left, and I was glad I'd driven to work; I was too tired to walk home. I picked up takeout on the way and ate when I got back to my place.

I crawled into bed and watched a movie, but about halfway through, I muted it and called Edward before I completely passed out for the night. He sounded happy to hear from me and suddenly, my bed felt too large; I'd grown used to falling asleep beside him. Wondering if the sheets in the guest room still smelled like him, I turned off the TV and switched rooms.

Edward and I continued to talk as I pulled the covers over myself and I was immediately enveloped in the smell of his cologne. Feeling the comfort wash over me, I grew drowsy. Before we said goodnight, I murmured, "I miss falling asleep beside you."

"Yeah?" he asked in a dulcet tone. "I miss it, too."

We said goodnight and I hung up the phone with his scent surrounding me. The sound of his voice in my ear was the last thing I remembered as I closed my eyes. It wasn't the same as him holding me close, but it was enough as I drifted off to sleep.

**~LTOYL~**

After a deep sleep, I showered and had a quick breakfast before heading back to the office. This time, it was utterly deserted and I was able to work uninterrupted, except for a brief break for lunch. It wasn't until late afternoon that my phone chimed with a text notification from Edward.

_**Were you able to get some work done today? **_

_**Getting there. How is your day going? **_

_**Not bad. Would you like to go to dinner with Alice, Jasper, and me? **_

_**Tonight? **_

_**Yes. Would 7:30 work for you? **_

I glanced at the pile of work still on my desk and then mentally reviewed what I had left to do. It would be tight, but I could manage it.

_**I should be able to do that. Pick me up at my place at 7:00? **_

_**Looking forward to it. **_

I threw myself into my work and managed to finish up with five minutes to spare. It gave me just enough time to get home and shower. I realized I had no idea where we were going tonight, and I quickly texted Edward to ask him how formal a restaurant it was.

He replied he was wearing a suit so I pulled out a stylish, tan sheath dress and camel-colored heels. I also packed an overnight bag, finishing just as I received a text from Edward saying he'd arrived downstairs.

I took one last glance around the apartment before I locked up and left, making my way down through the lobby and to Edward's car. He kissed me quickly as I moved to put my bag on the floor of the back seat. "Are you staying the night?" he asked.

"Do you not want me to?" I asked, a little taken aback.

He chuckled. "I always want you to. I was just pleased to see that you took the initiative."

I reached over and placed my hand on his thigh, lightly brushing my fingertips along the fabric of his pants. "Well, if you're lucky, maybe I'll be taking a little more later on." I grinned at Edward and he gave me a wink.

"I like the sound of that."

We left for the restaurant and traffic, as usual, was bumper-to-bumper as we made our way down Embarcadero. The sun was low in the sky but there was still a couple of hours before sunset. The nightlife was just starting to come out along the piers and there were people everywhere. We had to stop several times as the trolley made its way down the street, picking up passengers. San Francisco traffic was something all of us were used to, but it was always annoying. Edward, however, didn't seem to mind it at all.

As we waited in the slow-moving line of endless cars, Edward told me about the history of several places we passed. Even though I'd lived in San Francisco all my life, there was so much more to it than what was on the surface. Every time Edward and I went out, he would point out something interesting that I hadn't known before. Seeing the city through his eyes was like seeing it for the first time, and I loved it.

"How did your day go?" he asked just as we were passing Pier 41.

"Long. But I got a lot done." I yawned and tried to stifle it. "And apparently, I'm tired."

"We don't have to stay out late. We can just catch a quick dinner," he offered.

"No, I'm fine. It will be nice to unwind, and I don't want to be rude to Alice and Jasper. Thanks though." Even though I was tired, I felt myself slowly relaxing as we made our way to dinner.

Suddenly, I started noticing my surroundings and I started paying attention again. We were on North Point Road. When he started to slow down as we approached Hyde Street, I felt myself grow uneasy, recognizing exactly where we were headed. My worst fears were confirmed when we pulled up in front of the Gary Danko Restaurant. It was the restaurant where Riley had told me about his job offer in D.C. and although I wanted to think I could handle going there, I hadn't been back since then. Had I known where we were going for dinner, I might have declined.

"Bella?" Edward said and it sounded almost muffled as I could feel the blood rushing to my head. I blinked at him in surprise. I had been so lost in my thoughts, I hadn't noticed that he'd gotten out of the vehicle and opened my door. He held out his hand for me and I took it automatically, letting him help me out onto the sidewalk. He gave his keys to the valet and took the tag. I followed him robotically into the restaurant, only half-listening as he gave the hostess Jasper's name.

"I believe the reservation is under Whitlock."

His hand against my lower back, guiding me through the restaurant, was all that got me to the table. I stiffly greeted Alice and Jasper, and immediately started looking around the room. Everything was the same. Nothing had changed. Conversation at the table flowed around me and I tried to join in, but I felt like I was underwater, struggling to hear what everyone was saying. I dimly heard someone say that we were there to celebrate the success of Jasper's new pediatric practice. I congratulated him, but it I was sure it sounded forced and detached. Glancing around the room again, my breath caught at the sight of the table Riley and I had sat at that night. I stood abruptly, knocking a spoon to the ground.

"Excuse me, I need to use the restroom," I said, my lips feeling numb, the tears beginning to sting my eyes.

Everyone turned to look at me, and I hurried away before they could say anything. As soon as I was safe and alone in the bathroom, I went to the vanity and bent over the sink, struggling to regain my composure. God, it hurt to be here. To remember that night when my life fell apart. _Why did we have to come here? _I wondered angrily. I assumed either Alice or Jasper had made the reservation, but what were the odds? There were hundreds of incredible restaurants in San Francisco. Why this place?

After a while, I managed to regain my composure; although, my heart was still hammering in my chest as I walked back to the table. My stomach was twisted in knots. Edward stood to help me into my seat and I smiled weakly at him, trying to reassure him that I was all right. I knew I was only hanging on by a thread.

"Everything okay?" he asked quietly once we were both seated.

I nodded and he touched the back of my hand lightly. He flipped it over and curled his fingers around mine. Instinctively, I wanted to pull my hand away. It felt wrong to be here and it only made the knot in my stomach tighten even more. Edward's eyes searched mine at my slight hesitation, looking for some clue as to what was going on. In my head, I was fighting hard to not reject Edward, instead turn to him for support. But every fiber of my being was telling me to pull away and shut down.

"Are we ready to order?" Alice asked, interrupting the silent communication between Edward and me. I glanced down at the menu, keeping my hand in Edward's even though his touch felt like fire. I _needed_ to get through this. I needed to find something, some way to collect myself if I had any hope of making things work with Edward. He lightly released the hold he'd had on my hand, no doubt sensing my struggling emotions. Though it was slight, his gesture was just enough to reassure me he was there to support me without pressure.

No one commented on my abrupt departure.

The chatter at the table resumed as I studied the menu, glad to see it had changed substantially in the last year. Edward kept giving me sidelong glances, the worry in his eyes evident. We all placed our orders when the waiter arrived and I gratefully drank the wine Edward had ordered me.

I looked over at _our_ table again, drawing in a sharp breath when I saw a young couple seated there now. They looked nothing like Riley and me, but it was still all too familiar. I glanced away, my stomach clenching.

Dinner carried on and Edward, while still showing his concern for me, kept Alice and Jasper engaged in conversation. I noticed Alice watching me from time-to-time, but she never commented on my strange behavior. By the time I had forced down several bites of a dinner I didn't even remember ordering, I couldn't handle another moment of being in this place.

I turned to Edward and spoke quietly. "I'm not feeling well. Can we go?"

My eyes pleaded with him to understand and he nodded. Immediately, he stood up and reached for my hand. "I'm very sorry but I'm afraid we're going to have to cut this short. Bella isn't feeling well. Can we do this again another night?"

"Of course," Alice said. "I hope you feel better, Bella." She gave me concerned smile

"Thank you. We'll have to do dinner again when I'm feeling better. Congratulations, Jasper"

We said goodbye and Edward placed some cash on the table before we left. He wrapped his arms around me, holding me tightly against him as we waited for the valet to retrieve his car. He didn't ask what was going on, just helped me into the SUV when it arrived and drove us to his place. I would have rather gone to mine, but I knew why he was doing it. He was afraid I'd disappear on him. I could see the squaring of his shoulders, the tightening of his jaw. I felt sick, knowing he had every reason to worry about what I'd do and that I'd shut down, forcing him out.

I wanted to run. It was my first instinct, but I fought it down, working to quell the rising panic and the feeling that I was trapped. Edward wouldn't force me to stay; if I asked, he'd drive me home or call me a cab. I could see him steeling himself for it as we stood in the entryway to his loft, keys still in his hand. I could feel myself shaking, small, quivering tremors that took over my body. I was so close to having a complete and total breakdown, and I wasn't sure that I could handle Edward seeing me fall apart one more time.

But I couldn't leave. I couldn't do that to him. He had been so good to me, so patient, and he didn't deserve to be treated that way. I had to do better this time. The keys fell to the table by the door with a clank that sounded loud in the otherwise silent room. His hand reached out to touch me then fell back to his side. He stared at me, the worry etching lines into his face, making him look exhausted and worn.

The agonized uncertainty in his gaze made my chest hurt, and I reached up to rub his face, wanting to make it go away. "I need a little time to myself, Edward," I said quietly.

I turned away from the door and headed toward the stairs without a word. The shaking was beginning to subside, but I felt cold and a bone-deep exhaustion was setting in. I wanted a warm shower and the oblivion of sleep. I would have preferred to go to my apartment, but I needed to stay. Edward needed to know I wasn't going to bolt.

I grabbed my robe from the hook in his closet and went into the bedroom. I kicked off my shoes and undressed, dropping it carelessly onto the floor. My eyes were already stinging from suppressed tears, and I moved slowly to the bathroom to take out my contacts. I turned on the shower and let it warm, hugging myself tightly. I felt like I'd shatter; break apart into a thousand tiny pieces, if I didn't do something to hold myself together. I showered, feeling numb and sick, hardly even aware of the heat of the water against my skin. I only felt cold.

Edward was still downstairs when I came out of the bathroom, and I crawled into bed. I pulled the covers up over me, needing the heavy weight for reassurance. The ache in my chest and the strange trembling hadn't gone away completely. I turned my head into the pillow, feeling tears sting my eyes again. It smelled like Edward. The soft, light scent surrounded me and I breathed deep letting it wash over me.

I was nearly asleep when I heard his quiet footsteps on the stairs, followed by the sound of water running in the bathroom. Sometime later, I felt the bed dip beside me as he climbed in. I held myself still as he got situated. My back was to him and I didn't move a muscle, allowing him to think I was already asleep. I wanted to touch him, wanted to let him take the grief away, but I couldn't let myself. Rather than sinking into what I knew would be a willing embrace, I closed my eyes again and let the sleep take over me, exhausted by the emotional turmoil of the day.

**~LTOYL~**

_The sun was setting as Riley and I walked hand-in-hand along the wharf. The salty air was rapidly cooling, but he slipped an arm around me to keep me warm. I felt a nervous flutter in my stomach as I turned to look up him, scarcely believing that tonight could be the night. I had been waiting so long for this. It had been practical to wait, the prudent thing to do. But, oh how I wanted him. I wanted to tell the world I was his. _

_He had been jumpy and distracted all day. I worried at first, but when he told me we had reservations at Gary Danko, my heart leaped in my throat. It was the kind of place people went to celebrate something. There was only one possible explanation I could come up with: Riley was going to propose._

_He fidgeted with his tie and jingled the coins in his pocket as we walked. The lack of conversation between us didn't bother me; my mind was going a million miles an hour, anyway, imagining our wedding, our honeymoon, and our _married_ life together._

_Once we were at the restaurant, I could hardly contain my smile. He ordered us a bottle of champagne—even though he preferred reds—and the caviar for an appetizer. It was an indulgence we both loved but rarely splurged on. This was really happening. I looked around the restaurant, trying to memorize everything about this moment. I wanted to etch _every detail_ into my memory forever. Riley was so handsome in his black suit and soft blue tie, as he nervously fidgeted in his seat. I reached out my hand for his and he squeezed it. He was surprisingly quiet and when someone clanked a fork against a plate loudly he jumped, startled._

"_You don't have to be so nervous, Riley," I said softly._

_He gave me a despondent smile. "Bella, I love you more than anything in the world, and I can't imagine my life without you. But. . . ."His voice trailed off and I swallowed hard, confused by the word. But what? I looked at him, waiting for him to continue._

_After a long moment, he finally spoke. "Bella, I have something I need to tell you."_

_I waited expectantly, my heart in my throat._

_He cleared his throat and continued. "There's an amazing opportunity in Washington D.C. for me. I have an in with the Senator's office." As soon as I heard the words Washington D.C and Senator's office, my world stopped. Washington was nowhere near San Francisco. _

"_I'd start out as an aide _but_ it's a paid position, not an internship, which is hard as hell to get. This could possibly be my start at moving up the political ladder. You know I've always found the political side of the law fascinating. Bella, the fact that I'd start out on payroll pretty much guarantees that I'll have a long term position with the Senator's staff. It's an amazing opportunity, more than I ever dream of finding right off the bat." As Riley continued, I felt my heart rate increase and my hands turned ice cold, my mind reeling, trying to grasp what he was telling me. _

"_I love law, but after a lot of thinking, I've come to the conclusion that I want to actually pursue a political career. I want to be a part of making law, not just practicing it. You know my family has been pushing me in that direction, too, since day one. I talked to my father about this awhile back and he said he'd talk to some of his connections. If I don't take this offer now, I'll never get another like it. The fact that the Senator's team even wants me on board is just incredible. My father's influence got me the in, but my career here and my performance at Georgetown clinched it. They actually want _me_." He squeezed my fingers, snapping me back to the present. "What do you say? Will you move to D.C. with me, baby?"_

_The words left my lips before I could stop them. "No. N-No—I . . . ." I couldn't even get the words out. I looked at him as if he'd lost his mind. How could he even think about us leaving? "What are you even saying? Riley, our lives are here. My family is here; your family is here!" I released his hand and sat back slightly in my seat._

"_What about our plan? What about the firm and the life we wanted to build together? It's here, in San Francisco. What are you possibly thinking?" My mind was spinning. I shook my head, bewildered by the turn the conversation had taken. I'd been expecting a proposal, and instead, he was asking me to leave our home—move all the way across the country._

_The hurt that flashed across his face was nearly unbearable for me to see. "Just like that? 'No'?"_

"_We talked about this, Riley. We had plans. We were going to get settled in at Swan and Volturi. We were going to stay here in San Francisco—get married and raise a family. I-I . . . I just don't understand. Aren't you happy here?" My voice broke as the plans that Riley and I had made together began to crumble in front of me. It felt like a knife to the stomach to realize that what we'd both wanted was no longer the same thing. I had no idea when it had all changed. When he'd stopped being happy with the life we were working to build together. _

"_I'm happy with you. You're what matters to me. But no, I'm not happy at Swan and Volturi," he said quietly. "I don't think I can be a lawyer like you wanted."_

"_Like _I _wanted?" I said defensively. "This was your dream, too."_

"_It was. Or I thought it was—I don't know. It's just not what I want anymore, baby. I see you when you have a case, and you're so passionate about it, so eager to fight for your client, so _fervent _about bringing them justice. The fire in you, it's just incredible. I don't feel that. I did at first, but it's faded over time because it's not my passion. Christ, you've seen the way I devour the Washington Post and know how obsessed I am with watching CNN. I've always loved both sides of the law. We've discussed that plenty of times. And I love working for a firm like Swan and Volturi, I really do, but the more experience I get, the more I realize I am headed in the wrong direction. About a year ago, I started feeling restless. It nagged at me, but I kept hoping it would go away. In the last six months, though, I've become more and more sure about my feelings. If I want to be happy in my professional life, I have to look for something else. I want to make a difference, and this could be my chance. The idea of even having a chance to be a part of law-making process thrills me more than any case I've taken in the last few years. "_

"_But, this is so—why didn't you tell me this earlier?"_

"_I … I wasn't sure it would happen. I wanted to wait until I had something concrete. My dad pulled some strings. It would open so many doors for me. For us . . . ."_

_I ran my hand through my hair, trying to wrap my head around what he was telling me. "Riley, I can't just leave the firm. You know Charlie is about to retire and Aro is already halfway out the door. That leaves Alec and me to take over. You know how I feel about Alec. I can't just pick up, move all the way across the country, and leave Swan and Volturi in his hands. You and I were going to run it together._

"_Why can't you get involved in state and local government? There are tons of opportunities right here in the bay you could tap into. Hell, your father plays golf with the Mayor and half the board of supervisors! You want to make a difference? San Francisco is one of the hottest centers for liberal activism—this is the best place to try to make a difference! It may be a slightly different position, but I'm sure there are plenty of opportunities here." My voice had risen substantially, and a few people around us were staring with concern._

_He shook his head and reached for my hand again. "I thought about it, Bella. But I really have my heart set on a federal position. The scope of state law isn't what I'm interested in and I want to go bigger than that. I don't want to change the city, or the state; I want to change the country. Trust me, I've been thinking about this for a while. I've considered this from every angle, but I know, deep down, that a federal position is what I want. Besides, this is a once-in-a-lifetime opportunity they've given me."_

"_Given you, as in you've already accepted? Without even talking to me first . . . ? What about me?" I asked, the hurt clear in my voice. Had he even considered my feelings about this? I couldn't believe that he had just decided to go ahead with this without even talking to me. We had always discussed everything together before making any major decision. "Am I supposed to just pack up and start from scratch? Abandon Charlie and the practice, leave our friends, leave our apartment? Leave our life?"_

"_N-No, I haven't accepted the offer yet," he stuttered. "I wanted to talk to you first. Bella, I don't want to accept the job if you won't go with me, but won't you even consider it? You could work for a firm there or even open your own office if you wanted! This could be a new start for us." Riley pulled my hand forward against his heart and pleaded with me through his expression._

_I felt tears prick at my eyes. "How can you ask me this, Riley? I . . . I thought you were going to propose." A tear fell, rolling down my cheek._

_He looked stricken. "Oh, Bella, you know how much I want to marry you. I just . . . we need to figure this out." He released my hand back to the table and looked down at both our ring fingers. "This is important to me, Bella," he said quietly, a hint of defeat in his tone._

_We both fell silent as my eyes followed his. "Riley—" I sniffled, brushing the tear away, "—I need some time to think. I'm sorry." I looked up at him, trying to convey my apologies for getting so worked up. "Your dreams are important to me; you just took me by surprise with this. What about my dream? I never even saw this coming. You've caught me completely off-guard. It's not exactly what I was expecting when we came here tonight," I said, my heart sinking as my throat began to constrict. "I'd like to go home if you don't mind."_

_He nodded and discreetly signaled for the waiter to bring us the check. Riley paid and we left together, not hand-in-hand as we'd walked in, but inches apart that felt like miles. Instead of going straight to the car, we walked along the pier again in complete silence. The sun had set and it was dark, the fog growing heavier by the minute. The slap of the waves against the shore and the sounds of traffic passing behind us were all that broke the silence. I stopped and stared out over the black water, trying to see past the dense fog rolling into the lighthouse on Alcatraz Island. Riley stood beside me and, although I struggled to say something, I couldn't manage even a sound. I felt nauseated and dizzy. How could this be happening? How could we have ended up here? I was going to lose him._

"_I'm sorry, Bella," Riley took my hand, pulling me into his embrace. He wrapped his arms around me and I breathed him in deep, holding his scent within me, unable to force myself to let go. If I let go, I was letting _him_ go. His arms were the only thing keeping me standing. Surely, if he released me, I'd collapse._

_I kept replaying his words in my mind, "Move to D.C. with me." It was like watching a car accident over and over. How could I move D.C.? How could I change things to make it work? How could I keep Riley and stay at the firm? My mind was frantically searching for an answer, trying to come up with a solution. No matter which way I looked it didn't work. I felt anxious, as if I was about to have a panic attack._

_How had I not seen this coming? Shouldn't I have been able to see that Riley wasn't happy? It made me sick to think that he'd been going to work, miserable with his job. And for how long? How long had he been unhappy and holding back from telling me? I knew he'd done it for me but I couldn't bear the thought of him being miserable at Swan and Volturi. _

_As Riley held me, I relished in his comfort. We stood like that as if wrapped up in a bubble where the previous conversation didn't exist and everything was as it had been this morning. As I breathed in and out, trying to focus on him and him alone, my mind kept drifting to the cloud now looming over us. The more I tried to fight it, the more it seemed to rain down on me, forcing me to face the situation. The more I thought about it, the more I realized Riley needed to go. He was right that this was his opportunity, and he'd be a fool to pass it up. As much as I knew it would kill me, I couldn't force him to stay here just because of me. If he wasn't happy here, then eventually _we_ wouldn't be happy._

_I nodded, still unable to speak as I buried my head against his chest and tears filled my eyes. The hurt closed my throat and I felt myself begin to shake. Finally, in a weak voice I said the words I knew would shatter my heart into a million, razor-sharp pieces. "You have to go." It took all the strength I had to barely whisper the words. As soon as they left my mouth, I felt myself crumble._

_He took a step back, his arms still holding me upright, and looked at me, confusion on his face. "I can't hold you back. I couldn't live with myself, day after day, knowing you were only staying here, giving up your dream for me." The look on his face as he realized what I'd said caused pain to shoot through every inch of my body. He understood. My heart burst as his lips parted slightly and he tried to form a response._

"_I'm sorry," he repeated, tears filling his eyes, as well._

_We both knew we'd reached a decision. He was going to D.C. and I was staying in San Francisco. This was the end of us. I clutched at my throat, needing to speak, needing to find words to tell him it would be all right, but nothing came out. It felt like someone was choking me. There was no air and the world around me slowly started to cave in. I shook my head wildly as the invisible fingers clutched tighter._

_Riley rushed forward to take me in his arm but at the same time, the fog swirled around his feet, wrapping around his knees, and up his thighs, enveloping him. His torso disappeared behind the mist, and it crept up his neck. His blue eyes and his outstretched hand were the last thing I saw. The gripping tightness finally left my throat and I called out in a wordless howl of agony._

"Riley, no! Please, don't go, Riley," I cried out.

"Bella," he called, reaching for me.

"Don't leave me," I whimpered.

"Bella, you have to wake up. You're having a nightmare." A worried voice broke through the muddled haze of the dream. Disoriented, I felt myself snap back into wakefulness. My breathing was harsh and ragged in the quiet room, and I was sweaty and disheveled. I wiped away the tears from my cheeks with the back of my hand. Grateful that he was okay, I threw myself at him and hugged him tightly. "Riley, you're all right."

"Riley is fine. It was a bad dream." It wasn't Riley whose arms were cradling me with such tenderness.

I pulled back to see Edward looking stricken. "Oh, Edward … I'm so. . . ."

Nightmares about Riley were nothing new, but I had managed to always hide them or play them off to Edward before.

"Please. Don't. You had a bad dream. We'll leave it at that."

Sick with guilt, I slid out of the bed and picked up my robe where it had been discarded the night before.

"You aren't leaving, are you?" His voice sounded raw and wounded.

"I need some fresh air."

I made my way down the winding staircase and out to the patio. I closed the door behind me and lifted my face to the night sky, trying to quell the sick feeling in my stomach. The air was cold and thick, the fog just starting to roll in off the bay. I heard the door open and then close, but Edward didn't speak. I wrapped the thin silk tighter around my body and stared at the glittering stars above.

I could hear him breathing in the silent night air. In and out. But he didn't say a word. I was sick with guilt at the way I was treating Edward. He deserved better. My heart screamed at me to apologize again and throw myself into his arms, but I remained frozen, afraid to even voice the words that were in my head.

Finally, I forced the words past my lips. "Why do you let me do this to you, Edward?"

He sighed and took a deep breath before leaning back against the patio wall. He didn't speak for a long time, but I knew he had heard me.

"I can't walk away," he said finally.

The guilt spiked like a knife, and I clutched my chest, overwhelmed by the promise behind those words. He was telling me he would never leave me. But how could I trust that? I had been awful to Edward, and yet he was giving me everything I needed. Far more than I deserved.

"I don't understand."

"You don't have to." He stepped closer, and I could feel the heat from his body behind me. "You just have to trust me."

"I do," I whispered. "It's myself I don't trust."

"I know." He touched a hand to my arm and I felt the warmth of his skin and the comfort it always provided. "Come back to bed."

"Give me a minute. I just need a minute alone."

He hesitated and then let out a heavy sigh as if reluctant to leave me there.

"Okay." He pressed a kiss to the top of my head and it was so tender that I had to close my eyes to keep from crying. "I'll be waiting."

He went inside with one last lingering look back at me, and I took a seat in one of the lounge chairs, tilting my head back to stare up at the sky. A lump rose in my throat, remembering the weeks that followed Riley's announcement. I had honestly believed I was on the verge of having it all—the man I loved, the career I wanted, and a family. Being forced down a path that was completely foreign to me left me feeling insecure and vulnerable. The time spent between Riley and I before he left for Washington became precious and fleeting. We both tried to carry on as if it would be okay but the solemn atmosphere that settled around us was undeniable. We were falling apart and it was ripping my heart out.

We talked constantly, desperately trying to find a way to make a long-distance relationship work, but it was impossible. His future in D.C. and my future in San Francisco were no longer compatible. It was one thing to date and live across the country from each other, but it was quite another to marry and raise a family that way.

With the threat of Alec taking over the firm and ruining my family's legacy, as much as I desperately wanted to, I couldn't go with Riley. Our futures no longer included each other.

It was the hardest thing I'd ever done, but I had to do it. I had to let him go.

Once Riley actually left, I felt as though I'd died. Days passed and it was all I could do to even get out of bed. Breathing hurt. Sunlight was offensive. Food was immaterial. The silence was the only solace I took comfort in and solitude was the only companion I wanted. I took a week off work for personal time because I simply just couldn't be around people. But as time passed, the daunting reality slowly set in and I was able to carry on—all but a shadow of the woman I was before.

A shiver snapped my attention back to the present. Realizing I was cold and uncomfortable after sitting out on Edward's patio in a thin robe, I dried my tears, cleared my head, and stood up. Edward was awake and the light beside the bed was on when I got up to the bedroom. He held out his arms, and I crawled into the bed beside him. He didn't speak, merely held me, and once again, I wondered what on earth I had done to deserve someone who cared so much for me. I lay with my head on his chest for a long time, listening to the steady, comforting beat of his heart before I finally spoke.

"I'm sorry, Edward; I can't tell you how sorry I am," I said quietly, tilting my head up to look at him.

He smoothed the hair away from my face and met my eyes. "I know you are. I'm not going anywhere."

I drew in a deep shuddering breath. "I hate that I'm hurting you."

"Then don't," he said simply. "I know you still love Riley. You aren't ready to fully move on, I understand that. Just give me a chance to help you. _Let me in, Bella._ I hate not knowing if you're going to run from me when nights like this happen. I hate feeling like I could lose you at any moment. You scared me tonight at the restaurant."

"You want to know what happened?"

He gathered me back into his arms, settling me against his chest. "Yes."

I took a deep breath, swallowing the lump in my throat. "That was the restaurant where Riley told me he got the job in D.C."

I could feel his breath hitch and the gentle circles he'd begun to rub on my arm stopped. "Bella, I never would have taken you there if I'd known," he said passionately. "Fuck, I should have told you where we were going. I know you said something about it on the run we took together, but it didn't even cross my mind when Alice set up the reservation. I'm so sorry."

"I know. It's not your fault," I reassured him.

"Why didn't you tell me? The minute we pulled up to the restaurant, you could have told me you needed to leave. I saw you start to shut down, but I had no idea why."

I turned to look at him. "What would I have said? 'Edward, call your sister and make plans to meet her somewhere else. I'm too emotionally fucked up to have dinner here,'?'" I asked sarcastically. "I don't want to be like this. I don't want to fall apart every time I think about something from my past."

"You aren't emotionally fucked up. But you are fragile, Bella." His voice was gentle, but firm. "I think you need to be a little more honest with yourself about that and a lot more honest with me. If I know more about you, I won't put us in a situation that I know will be hard for you, like I did tonight."

I nodded. "I'm just trying to be normal."

"I know." He smoothed my hair down across my shoulders and pulled me closer. "But how are we going to do this if you can't be upfront with me?"

"I don't know." My voice sounded hollow and dead.

"I'm not ready to give up on you," he said, sounding absolute. "Just tell me you'll try."

I didn't hesitate. "I'll try."

* * *

Again, we're terribly sorry this is such a heavy chapter. It randomly fell on Valentine's day and there was nothing we could do other than skip a week. Hopefully though, this chapter shed some light on what really happened between Bella and Riley. Let us know what you think; what choice would you have made given the position these two were in? Anyone out there Team Riley now?

We want to take a moment to say thank you to all of those who voted for _Lose the One You Love_ over at the Lemonade Stand. It made Top 5 and we couldn't be more proud. This story has been such adventure for us both.

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	31. Chapter 29 - Faith

We're gonna get right to the chapter this week* The Song is "Try" by P¡nk youtu*be/yTCDVfMz15M and here is the Pictease: goo*gl/ib4YH

Thank you Team Bellcow for betaing this chapter: LJ Summers, Karenec, AshesAshes, and my personal Yoda, jakeward.

Disclaimer: _All publicly recognizable characters, settings, etc. are the property of their respective owners. The original characters and plot are the property of the author. The author is in no way associated with the owners, creators, or producers of any media franchise. No copyright infringement is intended._

* * *

**Chapter 29: Faith**

_"Where there is desire, there is gonna be a flame._

_Where there is a flame, someone's bound to get burned._

_But just because it burns, doesn't mean you're gonna die._

_You gotta get up and try . . ." – _P¡nk

The following morning when I awoke, Edward was already up. I brushed my teeth, splashed a little water on my face, and put in my contacts before venturing down the stairs. He was in the kitchen making breakfast, so I walked over to him, pressed my cheek against his back, and felt the tight muscles through the thin fabric of his pale blue T-shirt. I wrapped my arms around him and held him close, feeling my throat close up with suppressed emotion.

"I'm sorry," I finally whispered. "Last night was really hard for me, and I didn't deal with it well. I should have talked to you."

He sighed and set down the spatula he'd been holding. I heard the hiss of the gas as he turned the burner off. The kitchen was silent for a long moment before he spoke.

"I know you're sorry. I don't doubt that for a moment. It's just…." His voice trailed off.

We stood like that for a long time, my tears dampening the back of his shirt. He pressed his palm flat against my hand where it rested over his heart and dropped his head. I felt him breathe, slowly and evenly. Eventually, he turned in my embrace and held me close to his chest.

"It'll be okay, Bella," he said softly. "We'll figure this out."

He gently lifted my chin so he could look me in the eye. He didn't say anything else, but he didn't need to. I could see what he was thinking, plain as day, written across his face. He was worried that I would give up on him, and worried because he knew that I was hurting.

He gently brushed away my tears with his thumbs and kissed my lips. He hadn't given up on me and I was so grateful, but wondered how long he'd be willing to put up with my erratic behavior. He deserved so much better than me.

Last night we'd both made promises to each other. He wouldn't walk away, no matter what I did, and I was going to continue to try to make things work

We had breakfast together, and since I hadn't really eaten anything for dinner the night before, I was ravenous. I couldn't even remember the last time I had pancakes, much less ones this good. Edward was still fairly quiet. He didn't seem upset with me, just contemplative. I had no idea what to say to him either. The night before had been so emotionally draining and it seemed to have put a wall between us.

"These are wonderful, Edward, thank you," I said quietly.

Unspoken words lingered in the air. I knew he must have been wondering if I was even going to stick around long enough to finish breakfast. But, I had given him my promise that I'd keep trying, and I really truly meant it. Finally, he replied, "I'd hoped you'd like them."

After we finished, I helped Edward clean up the kitchen. He leaned back against the cabinet and crossed his long legs at the ankles, bracing his hands on the countertop behind him. His expression was guarded, but not hostile.

"What now?" he asked.

I looked at him, his question catching me off-guard. "What do you mean? In regards to us seeing each other?"

He smiled faintly. "I was actually asking about your plans for the day, but if you'd rather discuss us seeing each other, by all means, let's."

I felt foolish, silly in my assumption, but I did want to talk about where we stood. "I don't know what to say," I said honestly. "I want you to know that I meant what I said last night. I hate what I keep doing to you. But all I can promise at this point, is that I haven't given up and I want to keep trying. The last month or so…well, it's been a long time since I've felt that happy. I like what we have, Edward."

He nodded. "I do, too."

"Okay, so where does that leave us?" I asked, hoping he would provide the words I was struggling to say.

"Bella, that's what you need to decide. I haven't pushed you for anything because I know you've been trying to work through some stuff. And I still won't. I'm here for you like I said in the beginning, but I feel like we're at a point where you need to decide what you want and what I am to you."

I looked down at the floor and the space between us. The room was silent, except for the ticking of the clock on the wall. "Edward . . . ." Slowly, I raised my eyes to look at him. I knew I couldn't tell him I was over Riley and that I'd never pull back from him again. But I also knew that life _with_ Edward was better than life without. "I want to make us work. I meant what I said, and I'm going to keep my promise."

He smiled at me. "Okay, then we're good." And just like that, it was as if we were. His entire demeanor changed and the weight that had settled over us lifted. "Now what about your plans for today?" he asked, uncrossing his ankles and standing up straight. "I assume you're planning to go in to work, right?"

I laughed. "Yes, I have to go in today."

He gave me a half-smile. "Duty calls, I suppose."

"Yes. Especially with a trial date set for Wednesday." I rubbed my hand over my face, exhausted just thinking about the work I still had left to do. Knowing that things between Edward and I were somewhat resolved, though, was a huge relief.

"I won't see you much while the trial is going on, will I?" he asked.

I shook my head. "Probably not. Please, _please_ don't take it personally. I'll be working long hours and I'll be too tired to do much."

"Okay. How long do you expect the trial to last?" he asked.

"I won't know for sure until we start, but I'd guess a couple of weeks. Cases like this usually wrap up in that time frame, but sometimes they surprise you. I'll try to at least text or call you when I can."

"I know you'll be busy, but I'd like to see you. Do you think you'd be able to spend a few nights with me? Just a casual dinner or something."

I knew things with Edward were shaky, and I could tell that he was afraid that if we didn't see each other for two weeks, we'd lose all the progress we'd made. Any small thing I could do to reassure him was important.

"Yeah, I'd like that," I told him. "Hey, um, my birthday is coming up soon, probably about the time the trial wraps up. How about we go out to dinner around then?"

"I'd love that." Edward gave me a big smile and we both went about the morning.

Edward drove me to work after we got ready for the day. We parted with a soft, sweet kiss that made me hopeful that what had happened the night before hadn't done irreparable damage. Things with Edward were so fragile.

The next two days were a whirlwind of trial preparation, including putting the final touches on my opening statement. Later that second day, I met with my client to prepare for the first day of the trial. She was having pre-trial jitters, and I tried to reassure her that I felt we had a very good chance of winning.

My client was a young woman named Sarah Walker. She was being held liable for the injuries that Thomas Vincent received in a drunk-driving accident. It was actually caused by a man named Daniel Ivers. Sarah had hosted a party that Daniel had attended, but she claimed she'd never saw him, much less served him directly. The question was if the jury would agree. It was a tricky case but I was confident that I had found an angle that would release her of fault and liability, and there were numerous previous cases I could reference that set precedence.

I left the office on Tuesday night, exhausted. The opening day of the Walker trial was the following morning. The weeks to come would be grueling, but I was eager for them. The only thing better than the fire I felt before a big case, was the glow of satisfaction I got after a successful trial was complete.

That evening, after I'd finished eating my dinner, I decided to just curl up on the couch. There wasn't anything I could do as far as my case that night, and I needed the time to wind down so I could sleep. I thought of calling Edward, but I knew I'd end up staying up later than I should. I needed to be rested and focused for the trial in the morning. Instead, I sent him a quick text to let him know that I was thinking about him and would talk to him the following day.

I decided to read for a while, so I snagged a stupid novel I had and opened to the cover page. I laughed right away, as I remembered why Riley had bought it for me back in college. I'd rarely had time to read for fun at that point, and Riley had purchased it as a joke. He said I needed some mindless entertainment to go along with _A Civil Action_, which I'd been working my way through. The book he selected was a trashy paperback mystery without a decent plot or much of anything redeeming. He was right, though, to have bought it for me. Ever since, when my mind would get too bogged down with a case, I'd pull it out to clear my head.

_Happy reading, babe! -Ry_

Between the emotional upheaval of the last few days and my thirtieth birthday coming up, I couldn't deny that I was thinking about him again. I had always assumed that by this point in my life, Riley and I would be married. A small part of me wondered if I had made the wrong choice. Maybe I should have moved to D.C. with Riley and just trusted my father to handle things at the firm.

It wasn't that easy though. Long before my dreams of life with Riley, I'd wanted to be a lawyer. I'd sat in my father's big chair behind his even bigger desk in his impressive office with my feet dangling a foot above the floor and known that I was meant to be a lawyer. It had never crossed my mind to want to be anything else. It was in my blood, practically stamped into my DNA, like the gene that determined my brown hair and brown eyes. I could change my outward appearance, but it wouldn't change who I was on the inside. This was my life now. No marriage, no family, no Riley. I had made my choice, and there was no changing it. I had to make the best of what I had and move forward.

I read for about an hour before my eyes were too tired to stay focused. After putting the book back on the shelf, I crawled into bed and fell asleep for the rest of the night.

**~LTOYL~**

After checking in with Lauren and meeting my client at the office, Sarah and I both went to the courthouse and to our assigned courtroom. The docket clerk was the only other person in the room when we arrived. Again, I went through a brief rundown of how things would go and what Sarah could expect. The plaintiff and his lawyer arrived and I went over to greet opposing counsel with a polite handshake. I had presented against him before. Technically, he was quite good. He had well thought-out strategies and excellent research, but he lacked the strong charisma that was often needed to sway a jury.

Several people trickled in to the courtroom and a short while later the judge arrived and potential jurors filed in. Although jury selection could be an arduous process, this was by no means the worst I'd ever worked through. There were numerous challenges on both my side and opposing counsels', but by the time we broke for lunch there were only three seats left to fill and those were done by mid-afternoon.

The judge decided that he'd like to get a much crammed into one day as possible, so instead of breaking early and starting the actual trial the following day, we began that afternoon. In the wood-paneled courtroom, I stood before the jury and began my opening arguments. My voice was strong and steady as I stated my case and the jury seemed to be receptive.

When we wrapped up for the day, I took a little extra time to reassure my nervous client and she gratefully thanked me. I told her to get as much sleep as she could that night and that I'd see her first thing in the morning. Everything had gone exactly as I'd hoped that day; everything was on track.

The following two weeks passed quickly as the case unfolded; witness statements and cross-examination all going according to the plan I'd laid out. I certainly hadn't been exaggerating when I told Edward that I would be busy for the duration of the trial, but, since things were going according to plan, not only did I find time to call him every night, I also spent several nights at his loft.

The first night, I could see his tension melt away as soon I arrived. We shared a casual dinner and spent the rest of the night just lounging around his loft. We watched the news and enjoyed relaxing with one another. There was coverage of an on-going trial taking place in town. It wasn't a case in which my firm was involved, so I felt comfortable discussing it with Edward. I gave him my take on it and he listened attentively as I chattered away. Edward wasn't a lawyer, but he was extremely intelligent and very good at grasping the legal concepts I tossed around.

One night, I stopped mid-sentence and looked at him. We were relaxing on his couch, my feet in his lap, his warm thumb gently caressing my shin. His hand had slipped up under the thin fabric of my grey silk pajama pants and the lazy touch only stopped when I abruptly quit talking.

He looked up at me in surprise, and I quickly pulled my legs back and moved so I was perched on Edward's lap.

"I'm probably boring you to tears," I said.

He chuckled and pulled me close, his arms warm and strong around me. "You could never bore me. I'll admit that some of it is beyond me, but I love hearing you talk. It's so incredible to watch you be passionate about something. I would love to see you in action at a trial."

I threaded my fingers through his thick, soft hair and kissed him. "That's how I felt watching you give the speech at the museum. Only now, I wouldn't be able to keep my hands off you. You are so sexy talking art."

His voice was breathless as he spoke against my mouth. "This is a strange version of foreplay we have, Bella. But I have to admit, I really like it."

I chuckled and kissed him. "Maybe you should take me up to bed and tell me all about your upcoming show."

Playful foreplay became heated caresses and we were both sated and happy by the time we fell asleep. It felt good to enjoy a relaxing, stress-free evening in the midst of everything I had going on.

The final day of the trial, I woke up in Edward's arms. His sleepy, good-morning kiss and passionate touch in the shower had me ready to face anything that came my way.

Closing arguments went as planned, and we wrapped up just before noon. As I waited with my client during jury deliberation, I reassured her that everything had gone as we'd discussed and things would be fine.

"I know you're nervous, Sarah," I said, "but I am confident in our case. The jury was responsive and our strategy was solid. We had plenty of witnesses to testify that you never spoke or served alcohol to Daniel that night. And your neighbor stating he was drinking with Daniel prior to your party, proves he was intoxicated before he even arrived. Everything is going to be fine. Trust me."

She blotted at her tears and nodded, her fingers twisting nervously. Her boyfriend, Nick, who had been sitting quietly beside her, pulled her close and I walked away to give them privacy. He whispered to her and smoothed her hair away from her face, drying her tears.

I took a seat on one of the other benches in the foyer and leaned my head back against the wall, thinking. My heart went out to Sarah; I knew how stressful this was for her. Her future rested on the decision the jury would come back with. Sometimes I felt an almost overwhelming responsibility to know that my clients relied on me so completely, and that the fate of their future, in to some degree, rested in my hands. It was why Alec's cavalier attitude about his clients infuriated me so much.

Losing a case, or seeing a client's life shatter by a negative verdict, was hard but it _was_ something I had learned to build up a thick skin against. It didn't do any good for me to be soft when my clients needed someone to be strong for them. Someone needed to keep perspective and a cool head. As much as I hated it, this was an edge Alec had on me. Sure, he was an ass and had no compassion or limits on what he'd do to win, but he was able to completely separate himself from things. Even though a verdict didn't affect me directly, I did take it personally if it didn't go the way I wanted.

A case like the one I was currently on was why I practiced law. It was a complicated situation that would involve both a civil and criminal trial to resolve things completely. The criminal charges had already been dropped, and now we were working through the civil suit. Though my heart went out to the victim in the accident, Sarah was no more responsible for Daniel's decision to drink and drive than I was. She hosted a party—one he was not invited to—and he used poor judgment and caused the accident. She didn't deserve to be held responsible for someone else's mistakes.

I was still deep in thought when the court clerk came out to inform us that the jury had returned. My heart beat faster in my chest as the court assembled and the judge asked the jury foreperson if they had reached a verdict. Turning toward Sarah, I gave her a comforting smile. I squeezed her arm gently in reassurance, and took a deep breath as the verdict was taken by a bailiff and handed to the judge.

The judge reviewed the verdict, and then handed it over so it could be read by the clerk. I watched the clerk intently as he reviewed it, made a few legal notes, and then read it aloud. I turned to my client to see her reaction. The frightened, exhausted expression on her face, lifted to one of joyous amazement as they found her not guilty on all charges. Seeing her relief, I felt the usual rush of accomplishment in a job well done. Once the judge dismissed the jury and left his seat, Sarah turned and hugged me enthusiastically. I hugged her back, thrilled that I had been able to win the case on her behalf.

"I don't know what I would have done without you, Isabella," she said, tears spilling over her cheeks. "It's been terrible, but you've been so reassuring and I just . . . I can't thank you enough."

"You're _very_ welcome. Now, go spend time with your family; I'm sure you're all eager to go celebrate." She hugged me again, and I gently pushed her toward her boyfriend. "I think there's someone who really wants to hold you right now."

She hurried over to him and as I packed up my briefcase, I watched them for a moment. He was so happy for her, and I saw his hand tangle in her hair while he kissed her. The sight of them together made me think of Edward.

As I left the courthouse, he remained on my mind. Instead of heading directly back to the office, I drove straight to the museum and called Edward.

"Bella?" he asked. "You okay?"

"I'm fine," I said enthusiastically. "Just wondering if you were busy right now."

"Not really. Why?

"Can you meet me in the museum lobby?"

"When?"

"Five minutes."

"Sure. See you in a few," he said, sounding puzzled but not at all unhappy to hear from me.

I took a moment to check myself in the mirror before heading into the building. I reached the lobby a few minutes before Edward did and his face lit up in a smile as soon as he saw me "This is a nice surprise. I figured you'd be at the courthouse for a while."

I grinned at him, trying to hold in my satisfaction. "We got out just afternoon and the jury deliberation ended just after two o'clock. The case wrapped up quicker than I expected and it went my way. I did good."

"That's wonderful," he said, wrapping his arms around me and hugging me so tightly my feet nearly left the ground. "I knew you were amazing."

I hugged him back, so happy to have someone to share this with. "Thanks, I couldn't be happier for my client."

"We should celebrate," he suggested, his eyes sparkling and his wide grin completely infectious. His enthusiasm made me feel light and happy.

"What did you have in mind?"

"How about drinks?" he asked, his fingers caressing mine.

"I'd love that. Can I stay at your place after?"

He laughed and kissed me briefly. "Of course; you never have to ask me that question." I kissed his cheek. "So, I'll pick you up at your place at six-thirty?"

"Absolutely," I said and kissed him again, this time on the lips and took a moment to soak in the feeling of his arms around me. "See you then."

"I'm so proud of you, Bella," he said, squeezing my hand before he let me go.

"Thanks." I smiled back at him as I left the building. I was still upbeat when I reached Swan and Volturi, and Bree greeted me when I walked in.

"Any messages?" I asked her.

"No, it was a fairly quiet morning. How did it go in court today?"

"Excellent. Everything is finished and Ms. Walker is finally cleared of everything. All that's left to do is consolidate all our files with everything from the criminal charges."

"That's wonderful, Bella. I'll make sure everything gets transferred down to records when you're done with them."

"Thanks, Bree." I went to my office and called Charlie.

The phone rang twice before he picked up. "Bella, how'd everything go?"

"It went great. I presented my case, the jury was receptive to the evidence, and everything else fell right into place. There will be a subsequent trial, no doubt, for Walker's neighbor, but that's out of my hands. As soon as the evidence was presented that _he_ was the one liable, I think he knew he was in trouble."

"Well, I'm pleased to hear it worked to your advantage. I had every confidence in you. How about I take you out to dinner tonight and you can tell me more about it?" he asked.

"I can't; Edward is taking me out to celebrate. Thank you though."

"Oh, well, good. You should celebrate with him. I'm pleased you're still seeing him," Charlie said. "He seems very good for you."

"He is," I agreed.

"Well, enjoy your celebration tonight and have a good weekend. We'll review the case on Monday."

"Sounds good."

"Love you, Bella."

"Love you, too, Dad."

I spent an hour wrapping up the case and getting all of the paperwork organized and ready to be filed. Just before I left the office, I checked my calendar to see what was coming up in the next few days.

After work, I quickly returned to my apartment and got ready to go out. I found a dress in the back of my closet that I'd never worn before, and found a silky black bra and panties set that I knew Edward would love. I slipped into the shimmering gold sequined dress and did my hair and makeup. I curled my hair, touched up my lips with a bit of rose-colored gloss and put on dangling gold earrings and a pair of satiny-black Louboutin heels. I transferred a few things to a small gold clutch and was ready when Edward knocked on the door.

Edward's reaction was about what I expected. "Fuck, Bella, you look _incredible_."

I felt confident and sexy. After a good day in court and the way things were progressing with Edward, I wanted to feel seductive. I wanted him to want me in every way possiblethis evening. I reached out for him and grabbed his hand to tug him into the apartment. "So do you," I said.

He was wearing a tailored black suit with a black shirt and tie. The stark color set off his eyes, making them look bluer than usual. His arms wrapped around my waist, and I gently pushed the door shut behind him. We kissed deeply, hungry for each other. His heated lips traveled down my throat and a desperate moan left my mouth. I pressed him back against the door, feeling his cock through the thin fabric of his pants as we clutched at each other in desperation.

Edward gasped against my neck as I pressed into him. "I want you," he groaned and I nodded, digging my hands into his hair. "Now."

"Please," I begged, needing to feel him inside of me. I wanted to go out and celebrate with him before we got carried away but I felt like I couldn't wait another moment.

He spun us around and pushed against the door. He reached into his suit jacket and pulled out his wallet to grab a condom. I reached for his waistband and unzipped his pants before pushing them to the floor along with his underwear. He rolled the condom on as I shimmied out of my panties and dropped them on the floor.

"Shoes on or off?" I asked, my voice low and throaty.

"On, _definitely_ on," he said. He ran his hands up my thighs and pushed my dress up over my hips. With a quick motion, he lifted me, I wrapped my legs around his waist, and he nestled between my thighs. I snaked my hand between us, guiding him as he pushed into me.

"Oh fuck," I gasped, wrapping my arms around his neck and pulling his mouth to mine.

We kissed roughly, as he thrust into me. His mouth was hard and demanding on mine, and I returned his aggression with equal fervor. I needed to taste him and feel him all around me, inside me.

It didn't take long for both of us to reach our peak, and as he shuddered against me, I cried out his name. The pleasure went on and on until I could hardly take any more.

I clutched his shoulders as he slowly pulled out of me and let me slide to the floor. My legs were shaky and weak, but he didn't let go until I'd regained my strength. Instead, he gently held me, kissing me slowly and deeply until I was steady again. He let me go, and his lips lingered on my forehead.

"Wow." I laughed softly, feeling fuzzy and light-headed.

"I know. That really wasn't what I planned when I came over," he said. "But I'm glad we finally got to try out your door."

He gave me a crooked grin that nearly made me change my plans about going out that night. A night in bed with Edward wasn't a bad way to celebrate, but I did want to go out after being in all week long.

"Mmm, me, too," I agreed, bending down to pick up my discarded underwear.

Edward went to the hallway bathroom to clean up and I had to laugh at him holding his pants up around his hips while wearing a still-buttoned shirt and tie. I went into my bathroom and took a moment to wash up. I gasped at my reflection when I finally looked in the mirror. I definitely looked like I'd just been ravaged against my front door. I put my panties back on and took a few minutes to re-pin my hair and straighten my dress. By the time I went back into the hallway, Edward was re-dressed and attempting to repair the damage I'd done to his hair. I laughed softly and wiped my lip gloss from his lips. "I don't think that's your color," I teased.

"No? Too bad, I kind of liked it," he joked and gave me a wink before continuing more seriously. "Thanks."

Once we were both presentable again, we left the apartment, hand-in-hand. Edward had actually come via cab, so one was waiting downstairs for us. I winced at the thought of the charge on the meter thanks to our impromptu tryst against the door, but Edward seemed unfazed.

"I figured that this way neither of us has to worry about driving," Edward said, helping me into the cab.

"Great idea."

Once Edward had given the driver the name of a bar, I slid across the seat and he wrapped an arm around me. I put my hand on his thigh, and said, "Thanks for taking me out tonight."

"We needed a night out. You've worked so hard on this case, and you deserve to celebrate it. I'm proud of you."

I squeezed his thigh, so incredibly grateful to have someone in my life that appreciated my hard work and wanted to celebrate my accomplishments. I hadn't realized how much I'd missed that.

"The smartest thing I ever did was agree to give you a chance," I blurted out.

Edward turned his head quickly, looking at me in surprise. "I'm glad to hear it. What made you say that?"

"Well, you were right. I needed more than one-night stands. I was just thinking how good it was to have someone to share something like this with."

"You have no idea how happy it makes me to hear that." He pulled me closer and kissed the top of my head. I held him, letting his words and his touch soak in.

"Thank you," I replied. "You are so good to me, Edward. I've never met anyone like you before."

He hummed softly in response.

We were quiet for the rest of the ride to the bar, content just holding each other.

Between Edward's enthusiasm and my success with the case, I felt lighter and freer than I had in a long time. The quickie against my apartment door didn't hurt either. It made me feel sexy and a bit naughty. The combination of all these things made for a very charged evening. Tension crackled between us, and we flirted heavily all night. I teased him by letting my dress slide up my thighs while we danced and talked over drinks, and he reciprocated by slipping a hand between them to caress my inner thigh at points, leaving tingles in the wake of his touch.

Three cocktails later, Edward had me pinned against the bar. "Tonight you are even more beautiful than usual," he purred in my ear. "In fact, you may be the single most beautiful woman I have ever laid eyes on. Earlier was just a taste of what I want to do to you when we get home. I want you wild and begging for me."

He trailed a hand up my thigh, skimming his fingers along the edge of the hem of the dress. "I want you to know exactly how sexy and incredible you are. You're brilliant, determined, hard-working, and stunningly gorgeous. There isn't a woman in the world that compares. You have no idea how lucky I feel to have you here with me."

He pressed his forehead against mine, and I sighed and let my eyes close for a moment. The crowded press of bodies at the bar faded away, until I was aware of nothing but Edward.

"You think you feel lucky?" I asked him. "You have no idea how I feel. You're sweet, you're funny, you're smart and well-educated, and you are _amazing_ in bed," I whispered. "You're so patient with me when I struggle and I often wonder what on earth I did to deserve someone like _you_ in my life."

The drinks had loosened my tongue, but I couldn't bring myself to regret it when I saw the look on Edward's face.

A slow smile stretched across his face. "Oh, Bella . . . ." he murmured before pressing his lips to mine.

I felt a funny little shiver run down my spine at the sound of him calling my name, liking the way it made my heart speed up in my chest. I couldn't put it in to words, but I was falling for Edward and I wasn't sure what to do about it.

* * *

So that kinda makes up for last chapter, yes? Thank you to all of you for the feedback on last chapter—flame, flounce, understanding, or approval, we appreciate it all. We knew some of you would be a little disgruntled with things but what really happened needed to come out or we wouldn't have done this story justice.

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	32. Chapter 30 - Accomplishment

The song for this chapter is "Life in Technicolor" by Coldplay youtu*be/L11NWvstkw0  
and in case you missed it, here is the pictease: goo*gl/17k2j

Squishy hugs to our betas: jakeward, karenec, LJ Summers, and AshesAshes. Your magic fairy dust is much appreciated.

Disclaimer: _All publicly recognizable characters, settings, etc. are the property of their respective owners. The original characters and plot are the property of the author. The author is in no way associated with the owners, creators, or producers of any media franchise. No copyright infringement is intended._

* * *

**Chapter Thirty: Accomplishment**

On Monday morning, my father and I met to go over the Walker case. At first, meetings like this had just been a way for him to oversee my cases. As time went on it became a habit for us and we always caught up over coffee or lunch; we'd discuss which strategies had been successful, and which hadn't. It often led to new approaches on future cases, and we'd both found it to be very helpful. With my father now mostly retired, I missed seeing him around the office and spending the extra time together. It made a meeting like this all the more important to me.

We wrapped it up in a couple of hours and Charlie excused himself. He had a meeting with Aro that morning and I had work I needed to do to get my upcoming cases in order. Charlie stopped by the door on his way out and turned back to face me.

"Before I forget, your mother and I would like to take you out to dinner tomorrow night for your birthday," he said. "Unless you have plans with Edward."

"No, we don't have plans," I said cautiously. A strained dinner with my parents wasn't exactly how I wanted to celebrate my thirtieth birthday. And now that I thought about it, I realized Edward and I hadn't talked about my birthday since I had mentioned it a few weeks ago. "Do you already have some place in mind?"

"Well I seem to remember _someone_ likes the view from _Neptune's._"

I smiled at him; he'd remembered that it was one of my favorite places to enjoy the view on the bay. "That sounds great." I thanked him for coming and walked him to the door.

Charlie hesitated just before he left. "Hey, you should invite Edward to come with us," he suggested.

I looked at him skeptically. "Are you sure? You know Mom won't be happy."

Charlie raised his eyebrows at me, still standing in my office door. "Yes, well, you leave your mother to me. It's _your _birthday after all, and if Edward makes you happy and you want him to be there, then she can deal with it."

I really did love my father. He knew how strained my relationship was with my mother, and tried his best to shield me whenever possible; offering to include Edward in our night warmed my heart. "I'll see if he's free," I replied.

"Great. I look forward to it." Charlie left, shutting the door behind him so I could work uninterrupted for the rest of the morning.

I spent most of the day in my office, getting everything in order and laying out an outline for how I was going to prioritize my cases. I worked for hours, stopping only grab a quick lunch.

Vanessa and I both left at the same time and she grinned at me as she put on her coat. "So, I haven't forgotten what's coming up. Are you free for lunch tomorrow? We should celebrate your win in court, too."

"I'd like that. Thanks, Ness." I smiled at her, grateful that she had remembered. A part of me wanted to bury my head in the sand and forget about the fact that I was turning thirty, but another part of me was glad that my friends and family cared enough to want to celebrate with me.

**~LTOYL~**

"How was work today?" Edward asked. He called just as I finished eating dinner. I placed the dish in the dishwasher and moved to the living room to talk. "Good. I started working on my next case today. The Walker case was fairly complex, so I feel like I've hardly thought about anything else for weeks. It was nice to start fresh." I sighed and lay back on the couch. "How was yours?"

"Hmm, not bad. Slow progress on the Munch show, but we're getting there. I'll be glad once things are more concrete."

"I'm sure," I said sympathetically. "Do you have plans tomorrow night?"

"Well, that's one of the reasons I called," Edward said. "I know it's your birthday, and I was wondering if you would like to do something with me after work. Or, at least let me take you to lunch."

"Well, I'm having lunch with Vanessa tomorrow and my parents are taking me to dinner."

"Oh." He sounded disappointed. "I should have said something sooner, I guess."

"It's okay. I didn't expect you to," I added quickly.

He scoffed. "You might not have expected it, but I want to."

I laughed softly. "Is dinner what you had in mind?"

"I've been tossing around several different ideas actually. Do you have any plans for the upcoming weekend?" he inquired.

"No, none that I can think of. I'm actually going to take the weekend off and not bring home any work."

"Good. I was wondering if you'd spend it with me."

"The whole weekend?" I asked, surprised.

"Is that too much? I don't want you to get tired of me." He chuckled.

His comment was almost absurd; I couldn't imagine getting tired of Edward. "I'd like it," I said honestly. "I was just surprised."

"I'm glad. Even if I can't spend your actual birthday with you, we can do something to celebrate this weekend."

"Oh, well, actually . . . Charlie asked me to invite you to join us for dinner tomorrow night."

"Do you want me to come with you, or are you just doing it to humor him?"

"Believe me, I want you to come. I just wasn't sure if _you_ wanted to. You know, because of Renee and all. Charlie promised he'd keep her in line, but . . . ." My voice trailed off.

'It's fine. I can handle your mother."

"Are you sure?"

"I'm sure, Bella." There was a trace of humor in his voice. "You're worth any amount of harassment from her."

Edward and I made plans for him to pick me up the following day and we said goodnight. The following day was a good one, with a light workload and a fun lunch with Vanessa to celebrate my birthday. She caught me up on things with her grandmother and though the situation hadn't improved any, I could visibly see Vanessa release some of her tension just being able to get it off her chest. Again, I offered to shelve things with the investigation on Alec but she declined. Knowing Vanessa as long as I had, I knew keeping busy with work was how she made it through stressful or emotional times. We shared that in common, actually. There was nothing she could do for her grandmother at this point and focusing her attention on work was how she coped. She preferred to have something else to keep her mind occupied rather than dwelling on her grandmother's failing health.

When Edward picked me up at my place after work, he was dressed in a gorgeous, textured grey suit, crisp white shirt, and burgundy tie. He entered my apartment and kissed my cheek softly before moving to my lips. "Happy birthday," he whispered against my mouth.

"Thank you." I wound my arms around his neck and we exchanged sweet, teasing kisses for a few moments before we pulled back.

"Are you ready to go to dinner?" he asked.

I groaned at the thought of having to spend the evening with my mother. Dinner with just my father and Edward sounded much nicer. "I suppose so," I muttered. I tilted my head up for on more kiss before I let go of him.

"Thank you for coming tonight," I said. He bent and picked up my overnight bag and opened the door for me

"I'm just sorry I didn't say something sooner. I've been thinking about your birthday since you mentioned it; I just hadn't decided what I wanted to do for you."

"You don't have to do anything," I pointed out, although I was flattered he was thinking of me.

"I want to. Although I don't know that I can top what you did for my birthday," he gave me a lopsided grin. "I did just contemplate tying you up and having _my_ wicked way with _you_."

"Well, there's always tonight," I said with a smirk that caused him to laugh.

As we passed through the lobby, I waved at Jacob who was just getting off shift. "Happy Birthday, Miss Swan," he said, sounding cheerful.

"Thank you, Jacob," I said, pleased he'd remembered.

~**LTOYL~**

As we pulled up to the restaurant, I asked Edward again if he wanted to skip dinner. He just smirked softly and kissed me.

"I'll be okay. I appreciate that you are trying to look out for me, but I'll be fine." He put the SUV in park and turned off the engine. Once we were out of the car, he pulled me close and cupped my cheek in his hand. "I want to celebrate your birthday with you. Just ignore Renee tonight."

"We could just leave," I suggested. "I could call and tell them something came up…then we could go do something else."

Edward shook his head. "It'll be _fine_. You focus on enjoying your birthday. We can leave if it gets to be too much for you. But I promise, we can handle it."

"Okay," I whispered, reaching up to brush my lips against his. "Thank you."

"You're welcome."

We made our way into the restaurant and the hostess showed us to our table. My parents were already there and seated when we arrived.

"Happy Birthday, Bella." Charlie beamed at me and stood to give me a tight hug.

"Thanks, Dad."

He and Edward shook hands, and Edward turned to my mother.

"It's good to see you again, Mrs. Swan."

Her face lit up and she beamed. I'd failed to remember that Renee now knew that Edward was a Cullen, and the son of Esme Platt. Those two names were too prominent in San Francisco society for her to ignore. They hadn't crossed paths since our dinner at The Spinnaker, so tonight would be interesting. Edward was suddenly now in her good graces, so instead of being cool and dismissive toward him, she was effusively friendly. She fawned over him with a sickening desperation.

"You, too, Edward. I was surprised when Charles said you would be joining us tonight."

"Bella invited me, and I couldn't think of a better way to spend the evening than celebrating her birthday." He smiled at her and helped me into my chair before taking a seat.

Once we'd all taken our seats, Renee spoke. "We really should have invited your whole family, Edward. Things have just been so busy, or I would have arranged a little dinner party to celebrate Isabella's birthday."

I discreetly rolled my eyes behind my menu. It was obvious to me that the lure of the Cullen and Platt connections were on her agenda. I hadn't so much as heard from my mother recently, let alone expected her to be planning a birthday celebration. My mother was far from subtle.

"That's not necessary, Mother. This is more than _enough_." I eyed her cautiously, hoping she'd take the hint.

The waiter came to take our drink orders and Edward gently squeezed my thigh when I ordered a double Drambuie on the rocks. My mother did not ignore my drink order; she scoffed at me and ordered a white wine spritzer and Edward got his usual Macallan. Charlie chuckled heartily and ordered a Drambuie, as well. "Bella's is such a chip off the old block. What man could ask for more than a daughter who has become a bright and successful lawyer, is going to be taking over his practice, and drinks like him?" He grinned. "And she's a beautiful young woman, too."

I blushed and looked at my father, slightly embarrassed by his praise. Edward leaned over and kissed my temple softly. "I keep telling you that you're an extraordinary woman, Bella. I'm glad to see I'm not the only one who does."

Charlie gave us an approving nod, but I saw the irritation on my mother's face. Clearly, as much as she liked the social connection Edward provided, she still didn't like the attention being on anyone other than herself.

"So, Edward, tell us more about yourself," she said, reaching across the table for his hand.

"Ah, well, I grew up here in San Francisco and got my PhD in Art History at Berkley. I spent some time touring Europe and now I work at the Museum of Modern Art as a curator."

"How interesting," Renee said, honey and feigned fascination dripping from her words. "I'm sure you must love what you do."

Her eyes were set on Edward's and I looked over at Charlie who just shook his head.

Edward released his hand from Renee's grasp and moved it to take my own. "It's a very fulfilling career. I was just telling Bella the other day about some of the children's education programs we're working on. We're trying to get the community more involved, either through time or donations for various projects."

"I've offered to donate both," I added. "It sounds like a really wonderful opportunity to give back to the community and help out at a place I love so much."

"Keep me updated on that, Edward," Charlie said. "If you and Bella both think it's a worthwhile cause, let me know and I'll see what I can do to contribute."

"That would be wonderful, sir, thank you," Edward said.

"Please, call me Charlie," my father lightly chided.

Edward nodded at him. "Charlie. I'd be happy to have you involved in our program. I really think it's something the community needs."

The waiter brought our drinks and I took a healthy gulp of Drambuie. My mother's interrogation of Edward continued.

"I'd really love to hear more about your family, Edward," she prompted. I looked at Renee with irritation; she clearly wasn't going to drop her charade. Edward noticed and reached over to touch my knee again, and gently rubbed his thumb against my lower thigh. "Your father is the head of the Surgical Department at St. Mary's Medical Center, correct? And your sister, Alice, and mother are interior designers. I know how talented they are. Everyone talks about the incredible work Platt-Whitlock Designs does," Renee gushed.

"Yes, I was surprised when I found out they did Bella's apartment. It's a small world, I guess." He looked over, gave my thigh a little squeeze and then released it. "You seem to know a lot about my family already," Edward quipped.

Renee merely smiled in response to Edwards's jest. "I was the one who arranged for them to work on Bella's apartment. It turned out lovely." Renee looked at me and continued. "Now, Emily Platt was your grandmother, correct?"

Edward nodded. "Yes, I'm sure you heard she died a few years ago. She was such a wonderful woman. We were all deeply heart-broken."

"Yes, of course. She was involved in all of the major events in San Francisco."

"She was." Edward agreed. "I think she had more of a social life than I've ever had. She made it her life's work to make this city a vibrant, beautiful place to live. I can't count the number of charities she supported, and the work she did for under-privileged children. I suspect that's one of the reasons I'm so interested in the program at the museum. It's something she would have adored." He smiled wistfully.

"I wish she were still here to take part in it," Renee said.

Charlie nodded. "I miss my own mother a great deal. If I remember correctly, she spoke of your grandmother quite often as being a part of the various causes she was involved with. Unfortunately, Bella never really had a chance to get to know her grandmother."

"She died when I was six," I explained.

"You really would have loved her, Bella. Helen Swan was a very driven woman and she would have been so proud of your accomplishments," Renee interjected and then sniffled.

I knew that my grandmother had never been fond of my mother and the sentiment was returned. Though my father hardly ever spoke poorly of Renee, he had spoken of their strained relationship at various points. It made my stomach churn to hear Renee make such a comment when she really despised the woman according to Charlie's account. Clearly, she had no limits on what was over the line when it came to trying to make an impression on Edward.

I wondered what my mother had been like when she was young. She must have always had a shallow, selfish streak in her, but there had to have been a time that she was person my father fell in love with.

Thankfully, our appetizers arrived. Although Renee did her best to angle an invitation from Edward to meet his family, he politely found ways to deflect her. Charlie did his best to steer the conversation to other topics, including a funny story from his latest round of golf. It wasn't the birthday celebration I'd hoped for, but it wasn't a disaster either. There was good food, excellent wine, and the man sitting beside me was handsome, thoughtful, and somehow always managed to know when I needed his touch. Every time I found myself tensing at one of Renee's inane or tactless comments, I felt a reassuring brush on my hand or thigh, which immediately calmed me.

As we waited for the desserts to be brought out, Renee handed me an elegantly wrapped gift. "Happy Birthday, Isabella," she said. "I saw this and just knew you'd love it."

I gently removed the wrapping paper and opened the box to find a gaudy Hermes scarf. There was a strange horse head pattern with abstract twisting lines. It was done in turquoise, burgundy, yellow, and lavender with black and white accents. It wasn't even remotely my taste. A silk scarf in a tasteful pattern and simple colors would have been a lovely gift, but as it was, I knew I'd never wear it. Renee knew it, too.

I forced myself to smile at her and desperately tried to find something nice to say. "Thank you, Mother. I appreciate the gift, and the silk is lovely." The texture was the only thing I genuinely liked about the scarf.

"I knew you'd love it." She gleamed triumphantly and I could have sworn I saw her smirk.

Charlie handed me an oddly shaped package and I unwrapped it quickly, eager to see what he had given me and to get the attention off the scarf. Inside was a small plaque with my name on it, _Isabella Swan, Esq.,_ and underneath it said _Partner._ My eyes immediately snapped up to look at Charlie.

"Dad?" I asked, completely surprised.

His eyes twinkled in amusement. "We'll be making a few changes around the office, and I thought you might need a new one of those," he said indicating the plaque.

I gasped and clutched the nameplate to my chest. "Really?"

"Yes. You're more than ready, Bella. You did an incredible job with the Walker case, not to mention the rest of your work at the firm. Aro and I couldn't be more proud or impressed by the dedication and commitment you've shown. We'll do something a bit more formal at the office tomorrow, and there's lots of paperwork to sign, but I wanted to give you the news tonight. I knew it would mean a lot to you."

I nodded, unable to speak just yet. I swallowed back my tears and got up to hug him. "It does," I finally got out as I pulled back to look at him.

He hugged me one more time, enthusiastically and whispered, "I'm so proud of you, Bella."

The tears couldn't be contained then, and I felt them slide down my cheeks. "Thanks, Dad."

Sharing such a wonderful moment surrounded by those who mattered so much to me, having lunch with Vanessa, even Jacob's birthday wishes as we left earlier, all made me grateful for the people I had in my life. Even for Renee with all her antics. It was a reminder that I had many people who cared about me.

Edward and Renee both congratulated me. The hug from Renee was cool as always, but her lack of enthusiasm couldn't dampen my good mood. This was what I had been waiting on for years. To know that I had finally earned it was the most indescribable feeling to me. I couldn't help but think of the life choices and sacrifices I'd made in the last year because of my commitment to Swan and Volturi. Becoming partner was something I knew would come about eventually, but having it actually happen helped to soothe and reaffirm that I'd made the right choice.

Edward's hug and gentle, chaste kiss more than made up for Renee's attitude. He cupped my cheek in his hand and stared me in the eye. "I'm so glad I get to celebrate this with you."

"Thank you for being here," I whispered and he gently brushed my tears away with his thumb.

I took a moment to excuse myself to the restroom, needing to compose myself. To my dismay, Renee followed me. She spoke when we were in front of the mirror in the otherwise deserted ladies room. "Was it really necessary for such a public display, Isabella?"

"Excuse me?" I asked, dabbing at the smudged makeup under my eyes with a damp tissue.

"Crying and kissing Edward in that manner. It really isn't appropriate."

"I just got some of the best news of my life; I am sorry if my emotions weren't appropriate, but I couldn't really help it," I snapped, and then held my tongue. After Renee's display earlier, what I was really dying to say was on the verge of slipping out. This wasn't the time, or the place for such a conversation.

She sniffed. "While this is a lovely little friendship you've made with Edward, it's hardly appropriate for you to be flaunting your sexual urges towards him in public. Especially since Riley—"

I cut her off swiftly. "Since Riley is _gone_, Mother. He's in Washington, D.C. and he isn't coming back. Please, just . . . stop. Edward treats me very well. I enjoy spending time with him. Leave it at that and for God's sake, _stop with your social-climbing agenda!"_

She compressed her lips tightly but didn't argue. I looked at myself one more time in the mirror and turned to head toward the dining room. Edward was laughing at some joke Charlie was relaying, and I smiled thinking of how nicely they'd taken to each other. They both stood when I returned, followed shortly after by Renee. I took Edward's hand as we sat down and just a few moments later dessert arrived. Renee sat quietly for the rest of the night, keeping her mouth shut. Altogether, the night ended on a high note.

**~LTOYL~**

Once we arrived at Edward's loft, I headed into the bathroom to change out of my dress. I had no illusions about how we'd be spending the rest of the evening. Truthfully, I was eager to be in his arms.

When I came out of the bathroom, Edward was still fully dressed, and there was a package wrapped in antique-gold wrapping paper with an ornate copper-colored bow resting on the bed beside him. "What is this?" I asked.

He grinned at me. "Your birthday gift."

"You know you didn't have to get me anything," I said.

"Just open it, you'll love it."

"Awfully confident, aren't you?" I teased and sat down beside him, curling my legs up under me.

"I know you, Bella. Just trust me."

I carefully peeled the wrapping paper off and lifted the lid of the box inside. Underneath a layer of white tissue paper was a small round glass vase in the most extraordinary colors I had ever seen. It was a swirling mixture of blues, whites, and rusty coppers. I gasped and looked up at Edward.

"I do love this, it's so beautiful it's almost unreal," I said, slipping it out from the box. I held it in my hand and inspected it closely. It was just big enough to fit in my hand and very heavy for its size. I ran my fingertips along the smooth glass surface, in awe of the uniqueness of the piece.

"Where did you find this?"

"I know the artists. Dean Bensen and Demetra Theofanous produce glass works under the name of Avolie Glass. They do some incredible work on their own, but I'm partial to the projects they do together. I went to a gallery here in San Francisco that sells their work, hoping to find you a paperweight to replace the one that was, ah, broken after our first meeting." I giggled at the tactful way he had described my temper tantrum. "I found this vase instead and no matter how many other things I looked at, I kept coming back to it. It's part of their "Cosmos" series."

"It's truly extraordinary."

"It's a one-of-a-kind piece; there's a card with the information about it in the box and if you check the bottom, you'll see it's signed."

I turned the vase over to inspect the bottom, seeing an etched scribble I assumed was the signature. "It's too much, Edward," I said, looking him in the eyes. I knew something like this had to cost a fortune.

"No," he protested, scooting closer to me and taking my free hand. "_Anything_ that causes the look I saw on your face when you opened the box is worth it. Besides, think of it as a gift to celebrate both your birthday and your recent accomplishments. You won a tough case and you made partner. That's huge."

"Thank you. You're right; I do love it. It's like having a little piece of the stars in my hand. It reminds me of the nebulae images in the show we saw at the planetarium. From the piece name, I assume that's intentional."

"Yes. Dean's had a fascination with nebulae for years and it took a long time for him to perfect the technique used to create the piece."

"I can imagine," I said. "Thank you, Edward. Really. It was the perfect gift."

"Better than the scarf from your mother?" he teased.

"Oh, so much better," I snickered. "That thing was horrid. I don't know what she was thinking."

"She doesn't seem to understand you much," he said.

"You have that right. I don't think she actually knows me at all." I shook my head in disgust. "Although, it could have been worse, she could have given me a gift certificate to the plastic surgeon."

Edward shuddered. "That's a horrible thought."

"I agree. I hope I never become that insecure."

"Me, too," Edward agreed.

I leaned forward and kissed Edward, wanting his lips against mine. He took the vase from my hand and gently set it on the bedside table. He pushed me down on to the bed and covered my body with his. Our mouths met hungrily, hands searching as I writhed under him. My need for him spiraled out of control as he pushed aside my robe and dropped his head to kiss my breast.

"I want to feel you, Edward," I pleaded.

He tore himself away from me and stood up. I sat up and slipped out of the robe, letting it fall beside me on the bed. His eyes never left mine as he undressed and discarded his clothes. His stare was heated and his bare chest heaved as I settled back on the bed and leaned against the pillows.

"I need to feel you," I whispered, trailing my fingers down my thigh. I parted them a little and felt his eyes follow my movement. "Right here."

He fell to his knees on the bed and moved over me in a quick, fluid movement. He kissed my stomach, his mouth wet and warm against my bare skin. "Are you ready for me?" he asked, his voice a low, rough rasp. "Or do you want my mouth on you first? Tasting, licking, sucking until you come. . . ."

He whispered the words against my skin, his mouth trailing lower and lower until he hovered between my thighs.

I arched my back, feeling so desperate for him. "I just need _you_."

I caught a glimpse of his eyes before he buried his face against my soft flesh. I let out a startled gasp that dissolved into a throaty moan as his tongue delved between my lips, delivering on everything he'd promised and more. I came with his tongue on my clit and two of his fingers inside of me.

I was still half-delirious when he finally pushed inside me. I reached up and twisted my hands in his hair, feeling the thick, soft strands slide through my fingers. He let out a deep groan and ground against me. He slid one hand down over my hip and bent my leg up over his shoulder. I dug my hands tighter into his hair and kissed him hard, pulling him down to me, ignoring the stretch in the back of my thigh, wanting him closer. His deep, even thrusts quickly brought me back to the edge of climax. His hands roamed over my body, his touch firm and sure, leaving a tingling awareness in its wake. My hands moved over his skin as well, frantic to feel every inch of him. We twisted together, grasping and moving, thrusting until we were both panting and desperate, my leg no longer over his shoulder but wrapped around his hip, anchoring him against me.

Edward groaned lowly, the sound edging me closer to orgasm. "I can't believe how good you feel wrapped around me."

I gasped his name, unable to even think coherently. He kissed me deeply, his tongue stroking mine, mimicking the way his cock moved.

"Oh, God, Edward," I gasped again.

"I want you to come, Bella. Come for me."

He breathed the words against my lips and shifted to push deeper. Coupled with the wet, hot press of his lips against mine and the low sounds of pleasure he made, I came with a cry that echoed through the otherwise-silent apartment.

I watched his jaw tighten and I rolled my hips against his as he threw back his head and called out my name in a hoarse voice that made me shiver at its throaty intensity. His lips met mine again, as he shuddered into me; the deep press of his cock making me clutch him closer. His body quivered with aftershocks and I heard the sounds of our heavy breathing and quiet gasps. He collapsed on top of me and I wrapped myself tighter around him.

"Christ, Bella, you feel so good."

I breathed deeply, clutching him to me tightly and he pressed his forehead against mine. "Edward," I whispered.

His hands slid under my head and cradled it, the soft brush of his lips turning into something deep and sweet. He rolled us onto our sides, our legs intertwined. He was still inside of me and his arm slid under my head, so my cheek was resting against his bicep. We lay there for a long time, staring into each other's eyes as his thumb slowly traced a path across my face.

"You're beautiful. So beautiful and soft here in my arms, in my bed."

"So are you," I whispered. "Thank you. For dinner tonight, for the gift, for everything you've done for me."

Instead of replying, he simply kissed me again and, the last thing I remembered before falling asleep, was Edward's face and the beautiful vase on the bedside table behind him.

**~LTOYL~**

The next day, I was bursting with happiness when I reached the office. Charlie called everyone in to one of the conference rooms for a breakfast meeting to announce my partnership. Everyone seemed genuinely thrilled for me except for Alec. He scowled at me and didn't even take a moment to congratulate me. He spent the time staring at Lauren's ass while he sipped his coffee. I couldn't help but notice that she kept her distance from him, and I finally felt like maybe, just maybe, everything in my life was finally coming together again.

That afternoon when I went to check something on my phone, I realized it was off. In fact, it had been off since I'd gone to dinner the night before. I'd been so wrapped up in Edward and the news of making partner that I hadn't even thought about it. I was a bit amused; usually, it was glued to my person.

I powered it up and after the messages, emails, and voicemails all synced, I began going through them one by one. There was even a missed call from Riley.

"_Hey, babe, I was just calling to wish you a Happy Birthday."_ His voice was warm and soft and just the sound of it felt so familiar. _"I can't believe this is the first birthday in thirteen years we haven't spent together. It doesn't feel right, and I miss you so much. I wish I was there to do something special for you."_

He sighed. _"I want so badly to hold you and kiss you right now, and it's killing me that you're all the way across the country. I love you so much, Bella. Happy Birthday, baby, I miss you."_

I sighed heavily as emotion washed over me, and swallowed hard, feeling wistful at the sound of his voice and the words he'd spoken. It was sweet that he had called, and hearing how much he missed me made me feel the old ache, but it seemed different now. Somehow muted.

The automatic response to turn to Riley wasn't totally gone, but for the first time, I felt like I could _choose_ not to. I knew that if I had any chance of moving forward in my life, I couldn't call him back. I had to do what was best for me right now and my relationship with Edward. Contacting Riley wouldn't help anything; it would only set me back again. It was a rather bitter realization to come to, and yet, there was something freeing in it, too.

I closed out of my phone and went on with my day, thoughts of Edward on my mind. Somehow, I knew he'd be proud of me right now.

* * *

Thanks for the reviews so far, you all have been great! Let us know what you think about dinner, Renee, and Bella finally making partner!

Avolie Glass is a real team of artists based out of San Francisco. Check out their work, it's really amazing: tinyurl*com/bts9v87. Here is the vase Edward bought Bella tinyurl*com/c3xcqmg. If someone ever bought me that vase for my birthday, I'd lose my mind with excitement. ~D

_Important note:_ Due to time commitments at work right now, our posting schedule is going to have to deviate a bit. Instead of posting every Thursday, we're going to be posting bi-weekly now. Don't worry; we have every intention of finishing this story out in a timely manner. We've only got about twelve chapters left and I'm determined to finish. ~K

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	33. Chapter 31 - Sweetness

So here we go, Bella's birthday weekend. The song for this chapter is "Bloodstream" by Stateless  www*youtube*com/watch?v=1CBY9OU1I9Q. Love, love, love this song. And as always, here is the pictease:  goo*gl/xGRNQ and  goo*gl/locqo

We couldn't ask for a "more persnickety" team of betas to help make this story. Our kindest thanks to AshesAshes, karenec, jakeward, and LJ Summers for all their hard work. They are all fantastic authors so check them out and send them some love.

Disclaimer: _All publicly recognizable characters, settings, etc. are the property of their respective owners. The original characters and plot are the property of the author. The author is in no way associated with the owners, creators, or producers of any media franchise. No copyright infringement is intended._

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**Chapter Thirty-One: Sweetness**

On Friday morning when I entered the lobby of my building on my way to work, I stopped in my tracks. Edward was leaning against the desk talking to Jacob. He was dressed in dark jeans and a soft blue shirt rolled up at the cuffs. He had a pair of sunglasses hanging from the neckline of his shirt, and the biggest grin I had ever seen.

I walked over, puzzled but happy to see him. "Morning. What are you doing here?"

His grin grew wider and he wrapped his arms around my waist. "I'm here to kidnap you."

"I don't understand." Out of the corner of my eye, I saw Jacob move away to give us a bit of privacy. Over the past few weeks, Jacob had softened toward Edward, and I was curious as to what they were talking about. I looked up at Edward's face to see his eyes twinkling, and I couldn't help but grin at his enthusiasm.

"I'm taking you to Napa for the weekend—if you'd like to go, that is. Just to make sure that your boss is okay with you taking the time off, I talked with Charlie about it at dinner on Tuesday. He said he'd keep an eye on things for a few days, and even said he'd talk to Bree and Lauren and let them know you wouldn't be in. So as far as work goes, you're set. We have reservations in Napa through Sunday. What do you say, Bella?"

"I—" I was floored. A small part of me was vexed that he'd consulted with Charlie regarding my work schedule, but I couldn't bring myself to be angry with him. His heart was in the right place and he'd put so much thought into this. How could I possibly turn him down "—Yes, Edward. I'd love to go. It sounds wonderful."

He silenced me with a deep kiss. When he pulled away, he cupped my cheeks in his hands, his face just inches from mine. "I want this weekend with you, Bella. Don't worry about anything."

"Okay."

His smile lit up his face again and we went back up to my apartment. I quickly packed, ending up with a rather large suitcase. I had no idea what Edward has planned for us in Napa and I wanted to be prepared for anything. I tucked my phone charger in my bag just as Edward came into my room. He had been in the living room taking a call.

"All set?" he asked when he saw the suitcase behind me.

"Yep."

He grabbed my suitcase, rolling it out into the hallway. "I'm sorry if I packed too much," I said. I glanced quickly around the apartment for anything else I might need before following Edward out. "I wasn't sure what to bring. I don't know what you have planned."

He shrugged and we walked to the elevators. "I plan to have a great weekend with you. How we go about that is entirely up to you."

"I just want to relax with you." I pressed the call button and turned to face Edward.

He wrapped his free arm around me and pulled me close to kiss my forehead. "Sounds good. I did make reservations for dinner on Saturday night, but we can cancel them if you want."

"Where at?" I asked.

"_The French Laundry_ in Yountville." The elevator arrived and Edward nearly had to pull me into the car because I was still, staring at him in shock.

"_The French Laundry_? How on earth did you manage to get reservations there? They're booked six months in advance, easily. We didn't know each other six months ago."

He chuckled and pressed the button for the lobby. "Let's just say Rosalie knows someone there who owed her a favor. I made the reservation two days ago."

"I've always wanted to go there," I said, excitedly. "I can't even believe it."

Edward just laughed and the elevator dinged, indicating we'd landed on the main floor. We stepped into the lobby and Jacob beamed at me.

"Enjoy your weekend, Ms. Swan, Mr. Cullen."

"You, too, Jacob," I said. "I'll be back Sunday."

He waved goodbye to us and we hit the road.

**~LTOYL~**

The ride was relaxing, spent talking and listening to music. I closed my eyes for a moment, savoring the feel of Edward's hand in mine, the warm sun on my skin, and the heady anticipation of what the weekend would bring. Impulsively, I leaned over and kissed his cheek.

He chuckled warmly and glanced over at me. "What was that for?"

"This trip, how good you are to me, _everything_." I squeezed his hand tightly. "I just want you to know how much it means to me. How much _you_ being in my life means to me." Faintly, I heard my cell phone go off in my bag and instinctively I leaned forward to retrieve it. A second later, I stopped, deciding to ignore it. Whoever it was could wait.

Edward glanced at me and smiled; he'd noticed my action. He didn't respond verbally, but the look he gave me said everything. He was happy.

In no time at all, we were winding our way through the rolling vineyards and expansive fields of the Napa Valley. Situated just an hour north of San Francisco, it felt worlds away. All around us, there were vast vineyards, with row after row of vines just starting to turn from the late summer sun. It was beautiful. It was peaceful looking at miles of rolling hills without a skyscraper in site. I stretched, feeling the residual stress and exhaustion I'd been coping with melt away.

Edward slowed the car and we turned off the road, passing through a sculpted metal gate. We wound our way on a narrowed paved driveway through the hilly fields. My jaw dropped when we passed by an infinity pool and stopped in front of a beautifully landscaped, Modern-style home.

"This is where we'll be staying for three days," Edward said, putting the car in park and turning toward me.

"Is it a bed and breakfast?" I asked, noticing the other vehicle parked beside us.

"No, it's a private rental. We have the whole place to ourselves. My mother knows the owner and decorated their home in San Francisco. They were more than happy to loan it to us for the weekend."

"Wow, I love it; you knew I would."

He chuckled warmly. "Of course I did. Now, let's meet the caretaker and get settled in."

I gathered up my purse, noticing that my cell phone was flashing with an alert as Edward came around to open my door. Again, I resisted the urge to check whatever the message was. "Thanks," I whispered taking his hand as I stepped out.

"You're welcome." He brushed a kiss across my forehead.

A woman was waiting by the front door. She was probably in her early fifties, neatly dressed, and sporting a cheerful, warm grin.

"Welcome to Napa. I presume you are Mr. Cullen and Ms. Swan?" she greeted us.

We both nodded and Edward spoke first. "Edward, please."

"Edward, I'm Elizabeth Grayson, but please, call me Beth."

"I'm Bella," I introduced myself, reaching out to shake her hand.

"It's wonderful to meet you both. Please, come inside, I'd like to give you a tour of the place."

We followed her inside and looked around. The entrance opened into a large living area with panoramic windows of the countryside and the pool. The entire space was airy and filled with light. The kitchen and dining areas led to the living space, and all had beautiful, warm, modern furniture and accents. Beth described some of the features of the house as we explored the place.

I followed behind Edward, my hand in his, until we reached the master suite. It was on the corner of the house, and decorated simply with neutral colors that allowed the stunning view of the countryside from the two walls of windows to be the primary feature. The master bath was even more gorgeous, with a large jetted tub surrounded by richly-veined marble.

Edward leaned down to whisper in my ear. "We're using that tonight."

I nodded eagerly and turned my head to respond to him. "And the pool . . . ."

He squeezed my hand in agreement and we continued to follow Beth as she pointed out the deck off the master bedroom. In total, the house had four bedrooms and five and a half baths. I assumed it was usually rented by larger groups of people, but I could see why Edward had chosen it. I leaned in closer to him, resting my cheek against his upper arm as Beth explained that she would give us a few hours to settle in, and that she would be back at two p.m. for a private wine tasting of different wines from the area. After we both thanked her, she handed Edward the keys and took off.

After settling in, Edward and I decided to go for a walk. We wandered around the property hand-in-hand, enjoying the incredible views and perfect weather. There was a guesthouse located not far from the main house, and a wine cave built into the hillside, where the wine tasting would be taking place later. The property covered twenty acres, and we spent several hours exploring, walking at a slow, easy pace

"I wish I'd remembered to bring my camera," Edward said.

"The entire place is truly extraordinary," I commented.

"I'm glad you like it. I suppose we should head back toward the wine cave," Edward said, glancing at his pocket watch. "It's nearly two, and Beth said she'd be back for the wine tasting."

"Sounds great."

We made our way to the wine cave, meeting Beth inside. The cave was decorated with a wooden table and chairs, some candles, and wine barrels. There was bread, cheese, grapes, and chocolate sitting out on the table when we arrived, and Edward helped me into my chair and took a seat beside me. I leaned in toward him and he placed an arm around my shoulders.

Beth gave us a brief history of the region and a few of the homeowners' favorite vineyards in the area, and then segued into the wines she had brought. There were nine wines in the flight, ranging from light sparkling whites to dark, heavy reds. As we worked our way through each one as she told us about the characteristics that enhanced the individuality of each wine.

We each found one we favored, and Edward seemed amused by my impassioned love of the _Chenin Blanc_. For the most part, our tastes aligned and Beth promised to put together a mixed case for us to take home. We both thanked her for the evening and went back up to the house after she left.

Despite the nibbles with our wine tasting, we were both still hungry, so we put together a light antipasto style dinner using items from the pre-stocked kitchen, with more bread and cheese, a few artisan meats, and a variety of lightly grilled vegetables and olives. We took our food and a bottle of _Pinot Grigio_ out to the patio by the pool. We ate and drank leisurely as the sun began to sink lower in the sky, sending a wash of golden, early evening light over us. By the time the food and wine were gone, I was deliriously happy and not entirely sure if I was drunk on the wine, on Edward, or the entire experience. I stood up and sauntered toward him.

"Want a quick swim before we go try out that tub inside?" I asked.

He grinned up at me. "Did you pack a suit?"

"Do I need one?" I asked, pulling off my top and tossing it on the chair.

"Not for my sake," he said, placing his hands on my hips.

"Then I'm not going to bother with one." I unzipped my jeans and wiggled out of them, noticing the way Edward's eyes followed my every move. His hands dropped to his lap as he watched me remove the remainder of my clothing and then walk over to the pool. I glanced over my shoulder at him and beckoned him to join me. The warm evening air and cool water felt good on my bare skin as I descended the steps into the pool. I slipped under the water for a moment before I re-surfaced, turning to face Edward. He rose from his chair and slowly peeled off his clothes.

The sun had dipped below the horizon causing the lights in the pool to glow warmly around me. Edward joined me and I felt the long lines of his body pressed against mine. I wound my arms around his neck, my lips immediately seeking his, and we kissed for a long time, my fingers caressing the soft hair at the nape of his neck. Eventually, he pulled away only to pepper small kisses across my cheeks and the bridge of my nose. The sweet, teasing action made me smile. I moved to stand behind him and placed my hands on his broad shoulders to massage them gently.

It wasn't until he reluctantly lifted his head and turned to face me that I stopped. "God, your touch feels so good," he groaned. He took my hand and led me up the steps and out of the pool. He pulled a couple of large, white towels from a shelf on the patio and wrapped one around me before he wrapped another around his waist. He scooped me up in his arms before I could even protest. I laughed as he carried me into the house, taking me straight to the immense master bathroom.

He deposited me onto the edge of the tub and turned the water on, asking me to choose a bubble bath from the bottles beside the tub. The room filled with the light, fresh scent of verbena after Edward added the bubble bath to the water, and I watched as he disappeared into the bedroom and returned with matches and a couple of candles. He set them along the far edge of the bathtub and lit them, along with some others that were clustered on the countertop by the sinks. He disappeared again and returned with two fluffy bathrobes that he set on a low stool beside the tub. He dimmed the lights until the candlelight was the primary light in the room and came over to me.

"After you," he said with a smirk, holding out his hand to help me with my towel and into the bath.

His crooked, soft grin made me melt and I nodded eagerly. I carefully climbed into the tub and sank back against his chest when he slid in behind me. I turned my head so my cheek was resting against him and closed my eyes. I didn't want to move from the position we were in, too content to even think about disentangling our bodies.

We relaxed in the heat of the bubbly water, enjoying the silence and being with each other in an intimate way, rather than pushing for anything more. Letting Edward just hold me affected me far more deeply than any form of sexual release could and made me appreciate the relationship we had. I felt vulnerable and exposed but he didn't take advantage of it. He just shared the moment with me**. **

Our first day here in Napa had been so perfect**,** and I could only imagine what the rest of the weekend would be like for us. As I lay in his arms, I thought of the afternoon Edward and I had spent on my rooftop. It was such a simple date, and yet it was quickly becoming one of my favorite memories. The more moments like that we shared together, the more I realized what an important role he had come to play in my life.

Edward's thumb lightly brushed across my arm and I felt him press a kiss to the top of my head. It was astonishing how such a simple action could make me feel so much. I'd been denying my feelings for him since we'd met, resisting the urge to open myself up completely, but I couldn't bring myself to compartmentalize my feelings for him anymore. Not after he'd proven over and over to me that he was exactly what I needed in my life.

Edward had shown me how to piece myself back together.

I intertwined my fingers with his and shivered slightly, realizing the water had turned cool. "I think we should probably get out," he said, moving his other hand to rub my upper arm.

"Yeah, it's getting a little chilly."

I scooted forward and Edward got up from behind me. He stepped out of the tub, reached for a towel and wrapped it around his hips. He then grabbed one of the fluffy, white robes hanging beside the tub. "Let's get you dried off."

He offered me his hand so I could get out, and then wrapped the robe around me.

Once we were both dry, we made sure the house was locked up for the night and the candles were all blown out. The moment Edward and I crawled into bed, I reached for him. He pulled the covers over us and I nestled into his arms. His arm closed around me and I spent a long time running my fingertips across his face before trailing them down his neck to rest against his chest. He let out a relaxed sigh and brushed his lips across mine before his eyes closed. We fell asleep, foreheads pressed together, my palm against his skin, right over where his heart steadily beat.

* * *

So what do you think? Pretty good birthday surprise, right? We had this part of the story planned over a year ago and it just so happened to coincide with a trip I recently took to the Napa Valley. The house we mention is actually over in Sonoma, but we took a little creative license and moved it.

Feel free to stop by to chat or look for teasers in the following places:  
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**Additional Note: Please support your favorite authors and fictions by nominating them to the Faithfulshipper Awards: **** thefaithfulshipperawards*webs*com/**** Today is the last day to nominate!**


	34. Chapter 32 - Perception

The song for this chapter is "Weight of My Words" by Kings of Convenience  youtu*be/AvyQlSTPMbk We also make a brief mention of "Faithfully" by Journey  youtu*be/Hw-fbiDVc0s Here is the pictease:  goo*gl/cJH7B Also, be sure to check out Discordia's Tumblr page. There are several more pictures of all the locations mentioned and here is a cool slideshow of everything, as well:  plus*google*com/u/0/photos/108051588223162936827/albums/5860531867389634753

Warning: This chapter is going to end on an angsty note. Just remember we promise a HEA with Edward and Bella ending up together.

Major shout out to LJ Summers and jakeward for betaing this chapter in just three days for us. Thanks to Karenec for being on the team up until this point. We will miss your snark. And everyone say a little prayer for AshesAshes. She had temporary internet issues so had to sit this round out. We honestly couldn't do this story without their mad editorial skills and we appreciate all their hard work.

Disclaimer: _All publicly recognizable characters, settings, etc. are the property of their respective owners. The original characters and plot are the property of the author. The author is in no way associated with the owners, creators, or producers of any media franchise. No copyright infringement is intended._

* * *

**Chapter Thirty-Two: Perception**

In the morning, I awoke to Edward sitting next to me on the bed. I smoothed the hair away from my face, and he peppered soft kisses on my lips. "Morning, sweetheart," he said.

"Mmm, morning." I stretched and reached to tug him towards me until he fell onto the bed. He was still in his pajamas so I gripped the front of his T-shirt with one hand and slid another underneath the hem to feel the warm, bare skin of his back. "How did you sleep?"

"Never better," he said.

I nodded. "Me, too."

I kissed my way up his neck, jaw, and cheek, avoiding his lips only because I needed to brush my teeth. Humming contentedly, he slid a hand into my hair and pressed his lips to my forehead.

"I made you breakfast."

"You really are incredible." I laughed and kissed a spot just beside his ear that made him groan. "Let me have a moment in the bathroom to brush my teeth and I'll be ready for breakfast."

"Okay."

A few minutes in the bathroom made me presentable and I returned to the bedroom to find Edward holding a tray of food. We propped ourselves up against the headboard and ate. He'd made vegetable filled omelets and I loved every bite.

After we showered and dressed, we headed to St. Helena to the _V. Sattui_ Winery. It was probably the number one tourist attraction in the area, featuring wines from all the local vineyards. We toured the grounds and made our way inside to the gift shop and deli. Every wall was stacked high with various cutlery, glasses, and souvenir items, along with the impressive cold deli, featuring more varieties of cheese then I could count. We tasted a few of each along with the different dipping sauces before heading into the tasting room.

We sided up to the bar and started reading through the wine list of what they had to offer. We selected six wines, one from each of the groupings listed on the menu and each chose a favorite. We'd already discussed the various places we'd like to visit and I decided that I'd purchase a bottle from each as a memento.

When I went to check out at the register after our tasting, I noticed Edward had wandered back to talk to the wine tender who had helped us. I eyed them for a moment and then noticed the woman hand him something small from behind the bar but I didn't think much of it. After making my purchase, I met up again with Edward and we went on back to the car.

We drove through St. Helena and I admired all the shops downtown as we made our way to the Rhine house at Beringer Vineyards. There were antique stores and small cafés all throughout the main strip and each of the store windows were lit up with tiny twinkle lights, giving the town a quaint, uniform look. As we pulled into the driveway of Beringer Vineyards, we were awed by the ornate Victorian seventeen-room mansion nestled behind an enormous Valley Oak.

Edward parked the car and we made our way into the Visitors Center. The hostess greeted us and gave us a brief introduction to the property along with a map of the grounds. Unlike many of the places here, you took a self-guided tour around the house, property, and various shops. The only actual guided tour was through the aging caves of Beringer, which were dug into the hillside back in the late 1800s. Edward and I decided to skip the guided tour and just walk through all the shops so we could see a few of the other wineries in the area before our dinner reservation.

We started with the Rhine house located at the head of the tour. Completed back in 1884, the German-style mansion was constructed as a theme house where each room had stained-glass windows and was hand-painted with art that reflected the rooms use. Edward found this fascinating and spent quite a while admiring each room as if it were art. Now, the entire house was used as a banquet hall, gift shop, and tasting bar, but originally, the Rhine house was the home of Fredrick, one of the two Beringer brothers that founded the winery. Frederick wanted to create a California villa that was reminiscent of the family's impressive old German home at Mainz-on-the-Rhine.

After looking through the house, we wondered up to the market. There we tasted the various dipping oils, spreads, and wine flavored chocolate syrups and jams. I purchased a bottle of the fig and pomegranate balsamic vinegar and some parmesan dipping spread. I couldn't wait to get it back home to try with some San Francisco sourdough. Edward bought a bottle of _Cabernet Sauvignon _chocolate sauce with the idea we'd have it over ice cream sometime later.

Lastly, we did the wine tasting in the grand tasting room. Edward and I each picked our favorite of the nine options were able to try and again, I purchased a bottle to take home. Edward bought a few bottles he liked, as well, including an aged Brandy that the vineyard had recently acquired and started producing. As the merchant handed Edward his bag, I saw her wink and thank him for his purchase. An odd feeling washed over me and I questioned my reaction. Edward was an attractive, unmarried man; women _should_ be making passes at him; but was that jealousy I was feeling? I shook my head, laughed quietly, and took Edward's arm as we walked back to the car.

"So what do you think so far?" he asked, opening the back of the SUV.

"About the wine or the flirty sales associate?" I inquired, placing my bags inside.

"Saw that, did you?"

I smirked and turned to face him. "Just made me laugh. I've never understood women who hit on men when they're clearly with someone."

He reached for me, pulling me into his arms and wrapping them around my lower back. "I like the sound of that."

"What?" I said, lifting my chin to look at him.

"Being _with_ you." He kissed my lips and dipped his hands slightly lower to the swell of my hips. I returned his kiss, humming against his lips. Things had been good with Edward the last few weeks and I found myself wanting to spend as much time with him as possible.

He released me and I smiled at him. "Where to next?"

"Sterling Vinyards is just up the road a ways. I'd like to show you something."

"Sounds good," I said, intrigued. "Let's go."

We climbed back into the car and left Beringer with one last look of the beautiful house on our way out. We pulled onto the main road and continued north. Our dinner reservation was back in Yountville, which was south, but in an effort to see some of the Napa countryside we intentionally worked our way north with the idea we'd cover as much ground as we could in our touring.

About five miles up the road, we passed a huge gate and a sign that read _**Castello di Amorosa.**_ I had remembered seeing the same name on one of the bottles of wine we'd tasted back at _V. Sattui_ and figured that must be where they actually made the wine. They'd told us that the owner of _V. Sattui_ also owned _di Amorosa _and that the vineyard was modeled after a medieval castle.

"That's must be the vineyard our wine tender mentioned earlier," I said, motioning toward the gate, "but I don't see any castle."

"Just wait, you will."

I looked at Edward, confused by his response, and laughed. "Okaaaaay. . . ."

He just smirked and kept driving. We continued along, passing several grand estates. I recognized several vineyards that produced some of my favorite wines. It was exciting actually seeing where they came from. We passed by Gray Stone, and Edward commented that he wanted to be sure to go there tomorrow when we'd have more time. It was a culinary institute and restaurant and I could only imagine the yummy things we'd find.

Eventually we came into Calistoga and turned off the road into Sterling Vineyards. We parked and walked over to the welcome center at the base of a gondola. Edward asked for two tickets and I offered to pay. He'd already spent a small fortune on our trip and it was the least I could do to show him my gratitude.

We took the gondola to the top of a mountain and started our tour. Unlike the other wineries we'd visited, at Sterling you did a salon-style tasting alone with a self-guided tour through the winery, learning about how they make the wine. We started with our first glass at the entrance and then wound our way through the show room. There were beautiful picture everywhere of all the different types of grapes they grew and of the harvesting process.

With our second glass, we walked through the fermenting room and saw the huge oak barrels they stored the wine in to age it. For our third glass, we met with a Sommelier who taught us about the different flavors and accents they added to each of their types of wine. I'd been a wine connoisseur since I'd taken my first drink at age twenty-one but to have a real life analysis of exactly what you were drinking, was fascinating and really made the flavors come to life on our palates. The Sommelier poured us our fourth glass and directed us towards a set of double doors that lead to a sundeck.

Edward took me by the waist and wrapped one arm around me. "Okay, this is what I wanted you to see. Close your eyes and trust me."

I smiled at him and closed my eyes, allowing him to guide my steps. I felt a blast of cool air hit my skin as we walked through the doors and instantly smelled the sweet summer air. Edward led me several steps, carefully maneuvering us around various objects. Eventually, I felt a metal railing in front of me and we stopped. I felt Edward move to stand behind me followed by the soft feel of his lips along my neck as he whispered, "Open your eyes."

I opened my eyes and gasped. The entire Napa Valley was displayed before us in all its glory. There were golden vineyards as far as the eye could see, in ornately manicured rows. Mountains wrapped around on both sides and the blue sky above us just starting to turn red with shades of the setting sun. It was extraordinary and took my breath away.

"Edward, it's . . . beautiful," I choked out. I didn't know what else to say. It had been so long since I'd made it out of the city. Though San Francisco offered some spectacular views, it was so nice to have a change in scenery where not a skyscraper or speck of concrete could be seen. I turned my head to kiss him, tasting the remnants of the wine on his lips. I opened my eyes and gasped again. "Oh my God, Edward, look!" I said and pointed to the hillside just to the east of us.

There, tucked up into the hillside, was a huge castle, complete with turrets, a drawbridge, and flags blowing in the breeze. I'd never seen anything like it and knew it had to be _Castello di Amorosa_.

"It's incredible, isn't it? I read about it while making plans for our trip but the pictures are nothing compared to seeing it firsthand."

"We have to go there tomorrow. I mean, it's a castle!" I couldn't contain the excitement in my voice. I felt like a little girl again, seeing Disneyland for the first time.

Edward laughed, squeezing his arms around me and kissed my lips again. "Okay, first thing tomorrow, we'll go to the castle."

Beaming at him, I bit my lower lip. I could hardly wait to see it up close. If it was this impressive from miles away, I could hardly imagine what it would be like seeing it up close. We finished our fourth tasting and made our way up to the wine shop where we'd have our three remaining glasses. I picked a bottle to take home with me, and excused myself to the bathroom to freshen up before we left.

When I came out of the restroom, I found Edward talking to a middle-aged woman at the wine bar. She handed him a small bag and smiled at me when I approached. "You must be Bella. Your name fits you."

Heat filled my cheeks at her compliment. "Thank you. Ready to go, Edward?"

"Yep, all set." He thanked the woman who's name I learned was Karen and we headed back to the gondola to go back down the mountain.

"Did you get something?" I asked, nudging his bag with mine.

"Just a little something."

"What is it?"

"Just my own memento of our visit. It's getting a little later than I'd anticipated; we should probably start winding back."

The tram came to a stop once we'd made it back to the base of the mountain and the attendant opened the door to our cabin. He reached for my hand to help me out but I made no move to get up.

"You're up to something, Edward Cullen. I've seen you all day doing curious things, and now you're playing coy. What are you up to?" I asked playfully.

Edward shrugged and said, "You'll just have to wait and see." With that, he stood up and got out of the cabin, leaving me sitting there, speechless.

I sat for a moment, then laughed and stood up and took the attendant's hand. "Thank you." He nodded and I quickened my step to catch up to Edward who was standing just off to the side, out of the way.

We made our way to the car, discarded our bags in the back with the other bottles of wine, and climbed in. We had about forty-five minutes before our dinner reservations at _The French Laundry _so we drove slowly, admiring the scenery around us. It wasn't a fancy restaurant by any means, so I felt comfortable not changing before we dined. As we made our way back down Highway 29 to Yountville, he took my hand in his between us and we talked more about our plans for the next day and what we still wanted to see. The easy intimacy between us felt so good, and I reveled in how free I felt. Edward seemed so happy and that made _me_ happy. I loved seeing how open and affection he was with me. There was a part of me that never wanted this weekend to end.

When we passed through St. Helena and by the Napa Soap company, I mentioned I wanted to be sure to stop by there before we headed back to San Francisco.

We arrived at the restaurant and could see the place was packed. The turn-of-the-century stone building had a large patio seating area and there were people dressed in casual attire at every table. There was still twenty minutes until our reservation, so we told the hostess we were here and decided to walk around the garden across the street. Part of _The French Laundry's _draw was that they primarily used vegetable and herbs grown in their own garden. They cultivated it themselves and used as much as they could from the area in their kitchen. Just like everything place around the area, the garden was beautifully manicured, and everything was labeled and meticulously trimmed. It must have been a chef's dream.

After we walked through the garden, we went back across the street and soon, our table was ready. The host showed us to our table and a waiter welcomed us before presenting the entrées they offered for the evening. Every day the restaurant created two, nine-course menus and you had the option of either along with the recommended wine paring. Once she finished, she left to give us a few moments to decide. I glanced around the room noticing the interior was simple and elegant, with crisp white tablecloths and neutral décor. It was clear the food was to take center stage. From the reputation and wait list they had just for reservation, we weren't going to be disappointed.

I reached across it to take Edward's hand. "Thank you for bringing me here," I said softly. "I've wanted to come here for so long."

His smile made my heart race and he squeezed my hand. "You're welcome. I can't say I'm not looking forward to it, as well."

"Yes. It's been featured in magazines around the world and is ranked as number one of the top hundred restaurants in the U.S." I couldn't help the excitement in my voice. Though I didn't cook much, I did pay attention to some of the finer eateries in San Francisco. As a part of my job, it wasn't uncommon to have a nice lunch or dinner with clients or other attorneys.

"Pretty impressive considering the nine restaurants in San Francisco that also made that list," Edward said with a wink.

I gasped at his response surprised that he knew something as random as the top restaurants list. "You knew that?"

Edward laughed. "I told you Rosalie had a connection. She keeps me in the know where it counts. Actually, she told me when I called her about the reservation."

"Well now that you know there is such steep competition back in the city, we'll have to try them out and make our own list."

Edward laughed again and said, "I'd like that."

When our waitress came back to our table, we choose which of the dinner menu's we wanted and Edward ordered us a bottle of the wine she recommended with our meal. As each course was then served, the food just got better and better. The dishes were some of the best I had ever tasted, easily proving why the place deserved to be number one on the list. Dinner stretched out over two bottles of wine, and the leisurely pace allowed us to savor the food and the entire experience.

More than the food, the wine, or the trip, I was enjoying the time with Edward. We laughed and joked as we told each stories, each of us trying to outdo the other. At one point, he had me laughing so hard I had tears in my eyes. Unencumbered by my past, I felt so grateful to the man who had brought me out of the dazed grief I'd been drowning in. Mid-laugh he stopped and brushed my hair away from my face and leaned in for a kiss.

I kissed him back, my senses on overload from the wine, the food, and the feel of Edward's lips on mine. Happiness bubbled up inside of me and I felt like the very last dark corner in my mind had been swept away by my feelings for this man. A long-forgotten spot inside my chest ached and suddenly, I felt tongue-tied, unable to express how he was making me feel. So I held him close, imprinting the memory this moment on my mind so I'd never forget it.

As we finished our desserts and drank the last of our wine, I felt a lump in my throat at how lucky I was for having met him. After we were done, and the check had been paid, he helped me out of my seat.

"Dinner was truly amazing, Edward," I said, wrapping my hand around his forearm. "Thank you." I squeezed his arm, wanting him to know how wonderful this weekend had been.

"What do you say we head back to the house?" he said, his voice low and husky.

"You can't be tired already, can you?" I teased him as we walked toward the front door of the restaurant.

"Tired? No." He leaned in to speak directly in my ear and I felt warm air flow across my neck as he breathed out. "But I am ready to continue my _tasting."_

I flushed at his words and the images they conjured up, and pressed my lips to his. I kept it chaste, but the look of raw desire on his face when I pulled back still made my knees weak. Just as we reached the front door, we stopped to wait for an elderly couple that was also leaving. Edward quickly reached for the door, holding it open for them.

"Why thank you, young man," the woman said as Edward held the door open. "See that Henry, there are still nice young men who know how to act like gentlemen these days."

Immediately, my eyes snapped to the man I presumed to be "Henry," the woman's husband. "Thank you, sir. Very kind of you," he commended to Edward. Then he turned to me. "After you, ma'am."

"Thank you," I said, as I walked out the door behind the man's wife.

"What an attractive young man you have there," she said to me. "We noticed you two in the restaurant earlier. We were sitting a few tables over and enjoyed hearing the laughter. It reminded me of Henry and me when we were first courting. He brought me here on our first wedding anniversary, you know. Such a long time ago. Now, thirty-nine years later, we still eat here."

I looked at her, my hands suddenly feeling clammy. "Yes, we were celebrating my birthday. I hope we didn't disrupt your meal."

"Oh, don't be silly, dear. It was delightful. You were enjoying your night with your husband."

The blood drained from my face, making me feel woozy all of a sudden. "He isn't my husband," I said hoarsely. "He's . . . he's my—"

Before I could correct her, she patted my arm and continued, "Oh, well then. Not to worry, dear. He's deeply in love with you. It won't be long at all before he's proposing."

I wanted to comment back to her, correct her that her assumptions were all wrong but I felt mute, absolutely tongue-tied. _She thought Edward would propose to me? And soon? Oh God, what if Edward thought that, too? That couldn't be why he brought me here this weekend, could it?_ I panicked.

Looking back for Edward, I saw him walking with Henry toward us. As they approached, Edward took my arm and we all walked to our cars, Henry continuing in his conversation. ". . . so here we are, fifty years later and she still puts up with me. But I sure love her; she's my world."

"I can imagine the love you must have for her," Edward commented. When we reached his car, he opened the passenger side door for me and helped me inside. After closing it, I immediately turned around in my seat to listen as Henry and his wife followed Edward around to his side of the car.

"That's a beautiful young lady you have there. How long have you two been married?" he asked Edward. I blinked in surprised to the man's assumption and tightened my hands into fists, my nails biting into my palms. Apparently, he and his wife shared the same opinion.

"Oh, they're not married . . . yet." The woman took her husband's arm.

Edward cleared his throat. "Yes, Bella isn't my wife. She—"

"Well how about that?" Henry cut him off before he could finish. "You best ask that girl to marry you soon, boy. Someone might come along and steal her away. Then you'd sure be a sorry lot." I saw him elbow Edward and felt my heart stutter in my chest at the old man's words.

"Henry, you silly romantic. Let us leave these two lovebirds alone. Take me home," the woman chided.

He just laughed and excused himself. "Well, you heard the woman. We best go. You two enjoy your night."

"And you, as well," Edward said and shook the man's hand. I turned back straight in my seat and sat, stone-still facing forward as Edward got in the car. I felt like I was in a haze as the conversations that had just taken place replayed over and over in my head. I could feel the heat in my face and knew I must be flushed. The clamminess in my hands had turned ice-cold and I could feel them shaking slightly. My world suddenly felt off its axis and I struggled to process through the bizarre conversation that had just taken place.

This was crazy! These people didn't know us at all, just observed us over one dinner. Edward wouldn't push me like that. He hadn't even said he loved me . . . and yet . . . I remembered the look I'd seen in his eyes lately, the way he always seemed on the verge of saying something, and the way he stopped himself just before he did. Was he _planning_ tell me he loved me?

Edward's voice broke through my thoughts. "Are you all right? You look a little light-headed." He reached for my arm.

"I'm fine, I just need some air," I said, my voice sounding rough and strained. I knew my feelings for Edward had deepened and I was falling for him, but that was a long way from being in love with him.

As Edward started the engine so I could roll down my window, immediately, the radio turned on and the voice of Steve Perry singing "Faithfully" filled the car. My heart plummeted as the ridiculous power ballad's lyrical meaning hit me straight in the chest.

_And being apart ain't easy on this love affair . . . _

_Oh, girl, you stand by me, I'm forever yours. _

_Faithfully_

I rolled down my window and looked away from him. "Are you sure you're . . . alright?" Edward's words trailed off and he reached a hand to my chin, gently turning my head so he could look into my eyes.

"I'm . . . I'm okay. I'm sorry," I said automatically. I was struggling to find my bearings. The words married, husband, and proposal, echoed in my mind. Combine that with the now-softly-playing music, I was coming undone at the seams. I felt a strange twinge within me at the thought of it all and the urge to throw up wasn't far behind it. I couldn't even begin to consider the thought of anything so serious with Edward yet. It was all just too much.

Edward reached forward, turning off the radio. "Wait, Bella, is this about what those people were saying?"

"Edward, stop. Just take me back to the house, please." I stared at him blankly, feeling numb and shaken. He tried to pull me into his arms and I didn't resist, but I didn't relax against him either.

"Will you talk to me then?" he asked, gently rubbing my back. But I didn't answer. He sighed and let me go, then fumbled around, securing his seatbelt. He turned and looked over his shoulder to back us out of our parking spot but I avoided his eyes.

I stared out the window the entire ride back to the house, my mind replaying the entire night. Our entire history. Everything I'd ever done since meeting Edward. I knew I was over-reacting; he would never push me or ask me to marry him right now but I couldn't help my mind from going there given the conversation as we left the restaurant.

When the car came to a stop just outside the house, I immediately got out instead of waiting for Edward to come around for my door. I went inside, Edward following behind me, mumbling something but my mind was too jumbled to hear it.

"I . . . I need a few minutes to myself." I went in the en-suite bathroom and shut the door, locking it behind me. I heard Edward sigh and a quiet thud against the door.

"Please, don't do this, Bella," he begged me. "Talk to me. Don't shut me out again."

"Edward, please. Just give me a few minutes," I answered, my voice cracking.

I put my head down on my knees, breathing deep, trying to stop the spinning in my head. I heard another quiet thud against the door and Edward's shoes shift on the floor.

"Just go to bed, Edward," I said hoarsely. "You don't have to wait for me."

"I am not going anywhere until you talk to me. I thought we were past this, Bella."

Tilting my head back and leaning it against the wall, a tear slid down my cheek. "I just need a minute, Edward!" I cried out, and instantly covered my mouth. I didn't mean to snap at him but if I didn't collect myself, there was no way I was going to be able to talk to him rationally. "I'm going to take a bath. I'll be out in a bit," I tried again.

He didn't respond, but he didn't leave either. I sat there for a long time, the tears continuing to fall, waiting for him to do something. Several minutes passed and finally I heard rustling outside the door and Edward spoke. "Fine. I'm going to bed. Please come to bed with me. You don't have to talk, just . . . come to bed."

Again, I didn't answer. Thirty seconds passed and I heard the sounds of his footsteps retreating so I moved to start the water in the tub. Methodically, I stripped out of my clothes and climbed in while it continued to fill. The temperature of the water felt as if it was scalding my skin as the heat reacted against my frozen flesh. I welcomed the stinging pain as a fresh round of tears filled my eyes and my stomach twisted as I thought of Edward. I'd hurt him again and this time, he'd chosen to walk away.

I'd taken a harmless miscommunication and turned it into a mountain that now stood between Edward and me—complete with a solid, locked door. I felt like a truly horrible person, hurting someone who cared about me in a way I didn't even understand. I felt toxic, like I was tainting his goodness with my emotional instability. There was something fundamentally wrong with me if I could hurt a good man like Edward over and over. The more I considered the situation, the more I realized I should just end things with him; it wasn't fair for me to do this and I needed to let him go. For his own sake. He needed someone who could have handled tonight as just a silly exchange with strangers making assumptions and nothing more.

Edward was the type of man who _should_ propose and marry someone he loved. Tonight shouldn't even have been an issue because normal women would be looking for that one day. Hell they'd be excited if the man they were seeing was having thoughts of the future. Yet, here I was, flipping out over it when it wasn't actually an issue. Edward hadn't done anything to push me for more of a commitment. There was no pressure from him whatsoever. I _knew_ this, and yet my reaction was so strong, leading me to throw up my walls and push Edward away.

Tonight had been the first time someone had commented on us as a couple. It made me realize that while I was slowly pulling the pieces of my life back together, my plans for the future had changed. I didn't know if this was something I was ever going to get past. I'd wanted a family and a marriage once upon a time, but that was gone. The man I wanted that with was _gone_. If marriage was something that Edward was wanting, we had a serious problem and I was standing in his way.

It wasn't until I was stiff and the water had gone cold that I decided to get out of the tub. I dried off and automatically went through my bedtime routine, taking out my contacts and brushing my teeth.

The bedroom was dark and quiet when I finally left the bathroom and for a moment, I briefly contemplated sleeping in one of the other rooms. I wasn't sure if Edward would even want me in bed with him. In the filtered light coming in the window, I could see him sleeping. He had been restless, tossing and turning, indicated by the sheets bunched around his hips. I could even faintly see the furrows of his brow and the way his lips turned down in a frown. I walked quietly over to the bed and watched him for a moment.

He mumbled in his sleep and flipped over onto his side, his face twisting into a deeper frown. I sighed and felt my stomach churn again. I crawled into bed beside him and scooted over until our bodies were just inches apart. I heard him release a breath, a long, drawn-out exhalation of air that ruffled the hair on the back of my neck. He woke halfway and placed an arm around my waist, pulling me tightly against him. In moments, he was wrapped around me like always, his tight hold familiar. I closed my eyes against the hot tears that threatened to spill over and pressed my face into the pillow. The words the old woman spoke lingered in my mind, along with my conclusion that I needed to end things with Edward. They burrowed deeper in and took root, growing quickly until I felt nauseous with anxiety.

Edward seemed to sleep peacefully after I crawled into bed, his breathing slow and steady. But the longer I lay there not sleeping the more my guilt and anxiety grew. His presence, which had been comforting just a little bit before, now made me feel caged in, trapped. I squirmed against him, trying to loosen his hold on me. Instead, he pulled me tighter, the weight of his arm feeling oppressive. My breath quicken as my panic grew. My chest ached as I struggled to hold myself together. I felt like there was a noose around my neck and it was slowly beginning to tighten. I needed to get away.

* * *

So yeah, there is that . . . . You're all probably about to flame, throw stones, or down right just flounce but please, please, please trust us. I think it's pretty safe to say anyone would take a major look at the relationship if thoughts of marriage were subtly introduced after such a short time of dating. Bella needs to come to terms with some of her past and find some closure on it if she and Edward are ever going to have a solid relationship.

The next few chapters are going to be a little rough but are completely vital to Bella finally moving on from her former life. We hope you stick around for the resolution; we promise it will be worth the angsty times ahead.

Feel free to stop by to chat or look for teasers in the following places. Again, be sure to check out the slideshow for more pictures of all the places we mentioned. The link is at the top. In addition, we are working on assembling the playlist of all the songs we've used in the story. Till next time. ~D&K

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	35. Chapter 33 - Panic

Wow, what a response. We are thrilled with how you guys embraced last chapter. We thought for sure things would go a much different direction. Thank you go all those who left reviews and welcome to the new readers!

The song for this chapter is "Better than Me" by Hinder  www#youtube#com/watch?v=TEXBmw2jBcA and here is the pictease:  sfairportlimo#net/images/slider-img2#jpg

Big thanks to LJ Summers and AshesAshes for your magical fairy dust on this chapter.

Disclaimer: _All publicly recognizable characters, settings, etc. are the property of their respective owners. The original characters and plot are the property of the author. The author is in no way associated with the owners, creators, or producers of any media franchise. No copyright infringement is intended._

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**Chapter Thirty-Three: Panic**

I awoke from my half-state of sleep early, figuring it was a decent hour; the sun was rising and I could hear the twitter of birds in the trees outside, indicating the world was beginning to stir. I'd lain in bed most of the night thinking about what the morning would bring. I knew I needed to have a conversation with Edward, but every way I tried to run the scenario in my head was worse than the last. I needed to be brave enough, strong enough to face Edward and just lay things out on the line for him. I couldn't keep shutting him out and expect him to stay.

The sheets were soft against my skin, and I could feel Edward's warm body wrapped around me like always. For a brief moment, I wanted to let his comfort envelop me but that felt wrong as the memories from the night before returned. Guilt and confusion crashed into me like a freight train. Edward shifted behind me as I drew a breath in sharply and stiffened as he nestled in closer.

"You came to bed," he said in a quiet, raspy voice, stroking my upper arm. I closed my eyes, feeling exhausted and worn thin. The panic I'd felt the night before still simmered under the surface, as did the tears. "How did you sleep?"

"Fine," I lied, the word sticking in my throat.

He trailed his fingertips down my arm and across my side, gently fluttering along my hip and to my leg. One hand cupped my breast and the other softly slipped between my legs, lightly brushing along my inner thighs. His touch was gentle, coaxing and yet, I felt nothing but tension. "Edward, I—"

"Shh," he whispered cutting me off. "Forget about what happened last night. You don't have to explain anything right now. What matters is that you came back and are here with me now."

Again, his fingers started to wander and I lashed out, needing him to stop. "Don't touch me," I blurted out. "I can't, Edward!" I sat up, and turned away from him, intent on getting out of bed. Just as my feet were about to hit the floor, I stopped and bowed my head, my fingers trembling as they clutched the fabric of the covers. "Please," I said softly.

Immediately recoiling, he said, "I'm sorry," sounding horrified. "I was trying to . . . I-I never meant to do anything you didn't want me to do. Bella, I'm sorry."

I felt him reach out toward me but I couldn't make myself relax and go back to him. Instead, I gripped the sheets tighter, willing the tears not to fall. "I know." My voice was tense and strained with the effort not to cry. "I just—I'd like to get back to the city."

Dropping the hand that was extended toward me, he sighed and sat up "Bella . . . ."

"I'm sorry," I whispered. "I just really need to get back. I have things I need to do."

As the lies began to build, the guilt I felt in my stomach began to churn. I felt like I was going to be sick. Edward gently ran his palm along my upper arm, causing my throat to ache as I swallowed to suppress the tears. He was silent for a long time and I felt the soft inhale and exhale of his breath as the bed shifted ever so slightly. When he finally responded, it was with a muffled curse. He moved to get out of bed and reached to put on a pair of pants. I glanced over my shoulder when he didn't say anything more, and found him staring at me through the mirror across the room facing the bed. He ran a hand through his hair and nodded once, never turning his eyes away from me. When he finally spoke again, his voice came out quiet and deflated. "Why don't you take a shower and I'll pull something together for breakfast."

I didn't respond, simply nodded and watched as he shook his head slightly before walking out of the room.

I stood up, letting the sheet fall back onto the bed and grabbed clothes from the suitcase. I went in the bathroom, shutting and locking the door behind me and the sob I'd been struggling to hold in broke loose. I dropped my clothes and wrapped my arms around myself as I sank down to my knees, burying my head in my lap.

I struggled to breathe as my chest heaved and my shoulders shook uncontrollably. Lifting my head, I stared at myself in the mirror, no longer recognizing the woman who was staring back at me. What was wrong with me? The look on Edward's face as he turned away from me in the bedroom completely broke the remaining pieces of my mending heart. I was trying to spare him pain by ending things before he got hurt and instead, I'd managed to make it worse. Every choice I made was the wrong one.

I felt the bile in my stomach rise and I lunged forward to the toilet, just in time throw up. Flushing it, I stood up on shaky legs and turned on the shower, not caring what temperature I'd set it to. Needing to rid my mouth of the taste of sickness, I brushed my teeth and stepped in.

I washed quickly, tossed my hair up in a messy bun, and threw on some basic makeup, figuring I'd keep my sunglasses on for the ride home. It was a cowardly move, but I couldn't stand to look Edward in the eyes just yet. With every minute that ticked by, I felt worse.

I walked out of the bathroom, and could see Edward sitting in a chair on the private patio through the window. A frown furrowed his brow and he was absently tugging at his hair while slowly drumming his fingers on his thigh. He appeared deep in thought and didn't even turn his head when I walked outside. I sat at the chair not far from his, looking down at the table covered in food. Edward had put out coffee, fruit, and bagels with cream cheese but food was the last thing on my mind.

"You should eat," he said without turning to look at me. His face was still blank and his voice sounded oddly flat. "If that doesn't work for you, let me know and I'll get something else."

"It's fine. Thank you," I added quickly.

Reaching for a cup, I poured coffee from the carafe. I took a small bowl of fruit, in an attempt to make peace with Edward, but every bite I swallowed tasted like mush to my queasy stomach.

I ate in silence while Edward continued to stare into the distance. Once I was done with the fruit, I set the plate aside and reached to pull my phone out of my back pocket. I hadn't used it since we'd arrived and I figured I should turn it back on. I fiddled with it for a moment then set it down on the table between us while it loaded and I waited for the messages to sync. Clutching my coffee mug in my hands, I clung to the warmth, feeling it heat my frozen hands. My phone beeped several times as the various alerts went off, each sounding like a siren in the otherwise-silent air between Edward and me. I picked up my phone, checking my work email first and sighed at the number that had accumulated. Edward turned and looked at me, his face drawn, his eyes tired and sad.

"You really should eat something more than just fruit. We have a long drive back to the city with traffic," Edward said.

"I'm not terribly hungry, but I'll take a bagel in the car with me."

"No, you should eat now," he lightly scolded. "It won't—never mind. Is there anything else I can get you? I wasn't sure what you wanted."

I shook my head. "This was great, thank you."

He sighed heavily and stood up, reaching for the plate with the bagels. "Once you're finished we'll head out." With that, he walked back into the house, avoiding eye contact with me the entire time.

I set my phone down and took a heavy breath. I expected to hear the sliding-glass door close after Edward but it didn't. Instead, I heard him set the plate down on a nearby table and he spoke.

"Bella, we can't keep doing this. Before you and I get back to the city, we need to talk. I'm trying so hard . . . Of all things you should know I would _never_ force myself on you."

"Edward, I—"

"No, let me finish," he interrupted. I closed my mouth and stood up to face him. "What happened last night—I can understand how that would have been a little overwhelming. But you know I'm not trying to push you."

"Edward, I know and I'm sorry. . . ."

"Yeah, I know. _You're sorry_—and I believe you. I've heard you say those words more than I can count. I know you're head's a mess and it's taking you time to get over Riley, but when are you going to open your eyes and see what's in front of you? When are you going to see that life is passing you by while you pine over a man who doesn't care about you anymore?"

His words cut into me like a knife, sinking straight to my heart. I drew in a sharp breath and my eyes filled with tears. "Edward, you know _nothing_ about Riley or my relationship with him," I said in a slow, measured tone.

"That's my point!" he suddenly shouted, causing me to flinch. "You won't let me. I've spent the past five months trying to be understanding and patient while you sort through things in your mind, but I've got to say, I'm tired of watching you take one step forward and then two steps back."

"Well I'm sorry it's been so difficult for you, Edward." My anger was starting to build. "Might I remind you, I've never asked you for anything. I didn't even want to see you again after that first night, in case you forgot."

Hurt flashed across his face as my words hit him. Immediately, I felt remorse but it was the truth. "You're right. I took a chance, hoping you'd come around and that the person I saw in you would eventually decide to start living again. All I ever wanted was to be there for you. I wanted to help put you back together again but now I'm starting to ask myself, _why_?" There was bitterness in his voice I'd never heard before.

"I never asked you to do that! God, I didn't ask you for anything!" I said, my voice rising along with my anger.

"And I should have listened but I didn't. Turns out, I was wrong. You're never going to move on because you don't want to." His words hit home, making me cringe. My phone rang, cutting the tension that hung heavily in the air between us.

"I've been more patient and understanding than most guys would have been and yet, you still shut me out. I brought you here,_ hoping_ that you could just be with me and leave everything behind back in the city. And we were; the last two days, you were so free and beautiful. Didn't that mean anything to you? How can one conversation with total strangers change so much between us?" The hurt in his eyes returned, replacing the anger that had taken over his features. "I should have known this would be a mistake to bring you here," he said, his voice growing softer. Edward nodded to my phone and continued. "You might as well answer it; it might be something important."

He said the words flatly but the meaning behind them was clear. I knew what he meant by it. He was inferring he wasn't important and that he didn't matter to me. "Edward, I—"

He cut me off again, "No, I'm tired of hearing excuses and the 'I'll try to do better' speech. Trying to make a relationship work with you was a mistake. I should have known better."

We were both silent for a long moment before he continued. "If you can't set that phone down and make us a priority, I guess I'll have my answer as to where I stand in your life. I've asked for so little up until now, but I've reached my limit."

Edward and I stared at each other as my phone continued to ring. He broke eye contact, looked briefly at the phone in my hand, then back at my face. His gaze was stoic, as if he was almost daring me to answer it. My fingers itched to look at the caller ID, anything to break the tension.

His voice was biting when he spoke. "This was never the way I intended to tell you, but damn it, Bella, I love you. If you can't choose me just _once_, I can't keep doing this."

Edward's words left me reeling. He was in love with me? I didn't know what to say.

Seconds passed, each one feeling longer than the one before as my mind raced. As if on autopilot, I looked at my phone again, seeing Charlie's name on the display. I wrinkled my brow, questioning why he would be calling. Surely, when Edward made arrangements, he'd told Charlie we'd be back later that night. He wouldn't have called unless it was an emergency. I looked at Edward again, watching as he sighed and ever so slightly nodded his head as I raised the phone to my ear to answer. His jaw tightened and I saw him square his shoulders.

My voice rough with suppressed emotion, I answered the phone. "Dad?" I couldn't imagine what he was calling about but I could feel something wasn't right. As soon as I said the word, Edward turned to go in the house, not even bothering to close the door behind him.

"Bella, I'm sorry to ring so early. Did I wake you?" Charlie asked, slight urgency in his voice.

"No, is everything okay?"

He cleared his throat. "Bella, there's been an accident . . . Riley was hit by a car late last night while he was out on a run."

My fingers went numb as my grip slipped on my phone, sending it crashing to the cement floor. My knees went weak; I reached for the chair beside me for support as I scrambled to pick up my phone. The blood flowing through my veins seemed to turn ice cold and, though I could hear Charlie talking as I pressed the speaker back to my ear, I couldn't make out his words as a picture of Riley flashed before my eyes.

"Tell me he's okay," I barely croaked out.

"He was taken to MedStar in Georgetown. Amanda called us last night on her way to catch a flight to D.C. She said she tried to call you but only got your voicemail, so your mother told her we'd take care of things." He must have heard me hyperventilating because he quickly added, "Bella, just breathe." My heart was racing and my chest constricted as I fought to catch my breath. Hearing his words caused me to breathe deep, expelling it slowly through my nose. "I know you're out of the city, so I want you to just keep calm until we hear anything further."

"I'm leaving," I said automatically. "We'd already planned to leave shortly and I'll be on my way soon." As soon as the words left my mouth, I turned to go into the house to finish gathering my things.

"Bella, don't end your weekend with Edward over this. Just come back by the house when you get back and we'll get an update from Amanda. She's supposed to call later this morning once she gets an update," Charlie said reassuringly.

Edward's name in the conversation made me realize where I was and that I had no car. I was at his mercy to get home. "Shit," I muttered under my breath. "Just call me when you hear from Amanda, okay?"

"Okay," he agreed. "Don't worry, Bella. I'm sure Riley's in good hands."

"Thanks for calling, Dad," I said softly. Still dazed and reeling from the news, I hung up the phone and went in search of Edward. We had so much we needed to talk about, but I desperately needed to get back to the city.

I called out his name as I went back inside through the bedroom, but it was empty, and his suitcase was missing. I went through the house, finally finding him beside the front door, writing a note. He didn't even look up as I stepped closer to him. Once he finished, he dropped the pen and fished the keys to the house out of his pocket and placed them on top of the letter.

"Edward, I know we need to talk," I said, wiping the tears off my cheeks. "But I—"

"No. No more. You made your choice, Bella. I'm done." His voice was flat and final, and I hardly recognized him with the cold expression he wore. He grabbed his suitcase and yanked open the front door, stepping outside.

"Edward, wait, please," I pleaded with him. "Let me get the rest of my things together. . . ."

He didn't look at me again, merely yanked the door shut behind him with a slam that echoed through the house. I chased after him, realizing he was pissed and wanted to distance himself but I needed a ride back to the city. If he left, I was stranded. As soon as he reached the car, he tossed his things in the back seat and moved around to the driver's side.

"Edward, you can't leave me here!" I cried, trying to catch up.

Pain briefly shot through his face as he looked at me one last time before climbing in. Just as the door closed, I heard him mutter, "Find your own way home."

With that, he started the car, threw it in reverse, and peeled out.

A cloud of dust rose up and hung in the air as I stood there staring after him.

I stifled back tears and turned to go in the house, frantically thumbing through the numbers in my phone to find my father's driver, Eleazar. I dialed him, mentally begging him to pick up.

I heaved a sigh of relief when he answered on the second ring. "Miss Swan," he said warmly. "It's good to hear from you."

"Eli," I hastened. "I need you, Eli."

Worry laced his voice as he answered, "Of course, what do you need?"

I briefly filled him in on the fact that I was in Napa and needed a ride back to the city as fast as possible. I turned to check the house number and wracked my brain trying to remember the name of the street we were on. I finally got it for him after rushing back inside and finding it on the paperwork by the house phone.

"I'm on my way, Miss Swan, you just hang tight." I could hear the muffled sounds of him getting in his car.

"Thanks," I managed before I disconnected the call and stumbled into the living room. I dropped onto the couch, trembling as I cried. Through blurry eyes, I brought up the missed messages from earlier this weekend. There was a cheerful text from Ness on Friday morning about having a great weekend with Edward, and one from Riley from later on Friday because he hadn't heard from me when he called on my birthday. It only made me sob harder. There were several voice-mails from Renee, and finally the one from Amanda.

Tears coursed down my cheeks as I heard her familiar voice. It had been almost a year since I'd talked to her and even through the panic and tears I recognized my friend.

"Bella?" she said shakily. "I need you to call me as soon as you get this. I just got a call and I'm on my way to D.C. Bella . . . Riley's been in an accident, he was hit by a car while he was out running tonight. He was taken to MedStar Hospital in Georgetown and is unconscious." Her voice broke. "God, Bella, I'm so scared. Our parents are out of the country right now and can't get back for a few more days. I'm freaking out. Please call me."

The phone slipped from my suddenly-numb fingers onto the couch and I lowered my head to my knees. I cried for a long time, reeling from Edward's declaration and abrupt departure and the news about Riley. _Unconscious_? My heart stuttered at the thought. What if he was in a coma? What if he was brain dead? What if he _died_?

I had no idea how long it had been before I finally raised my head and forced myself to get up. I tried to reach Amanda back but her phone went straight to voicemail. I left her a hasty message telling her I'd be there as soon as possible and to call me immediately.

Moving on automatic pilot, I hastily threw stuff in my suitcase, my heart clenching when I realized Edward's blue shirt was still hanging in the closet beside my dress. I clutched it in my hand for a moment, regret for the way things had ended coursing through me. I stifled a sob and shoved Edward's shirt into the suitcase along with my dress. I made a quick sweep of the place, gathering up my toiletries from the bathroom and double-checking that we'd gotten everything.

I was just finishing when I heard a brisk knock on the front door. I ran to it and threw myself into Eleazar's arms the moment I saw him. His embrace was warm and comforting and I let myself sink into his familiar embrace.

"Miss Swan . . . ." he said as I let go of him. His face was etched with worry.

"Will you take me to the airport, Eli?" I asked. "I have to get to D.C. Riley's been hurt." My voice broke and he wrapped an arm around me and grabbed my suitcase.

"Of course. Your father already filled me in on what's going on. I called him right after you called me for a ride. I was worried something was wrong and he told me about Mr. Biers. I'll get you there as fast as possible," he assured me. "I hope Mr. Biers will be all right."

"Me, too."

I locked the door, leaving the keys on the table where Edward had left them and we walked out to the car. Beth should have an extra set and, if there were problems with check-out, they could be dealt with later.

Eli helped me into the car and stowed my suitcase in the trunk. I buckled up, curling my legs underneath me. Eli was as good as his word, and we headed back to San Francisco. The battery on my phone was low so I dug through my shoulder bag to find a charger. I looked up the number to SFO and dialed to book a flight. Anxiously going through the endless automated menus, I finally reached a person.

Trying to remain calm and polite when I felt frantic, I managed to book the first flight to D.C. I could find. I had to get there as fast as possible. Once the ticket had been bought, I hung up, staring at my phone as I willed it to ring. Amanda or my father, even my mother, I didn't care who called me, I just needed an update on Riley.

No one called as the miles flew by and my anxiety increased. A thought occurred to me, and I looked up the patient information number for MedStar in Georgetown. I called and asked for Riley Biers's room, trying to tamp down the panic in my voice.

"Are you family, ma'am?" the polite female voice asked.

"I'm his fiancé," I lied.

I caught Eli's surprised look in the rearview mirror and I shrugged helplessly at him. I knew that I'd never get information about Riley otherwise.

"I'll transfer you to the nurse's station," she replied.

I waited for what felt like endless minutes as I was transferred and a crisp voice answered, "Intensive Care Unit, how can I help you?"

"This is Bella Swan calling about Riley Biers's status. I'm his fiancé."

There was a pause and she slowly said, "I don't see a fiancé listed in his file. I'm sorry, I'm afraid I can't answer any of your questions without his immediate family's approval."

"Is his sister, Amanda, available?" I said tightly. "I can't seem to reach her on her cell phone."

"One moment."

I forced myself to take slow, deep breaths as I waited for her to check, but my heart plummeted when she returned with disappointing news. "I'm sorry, she isn't here right now. Try calling back again later."

The phone call ended with a final sounding click and I stifled my frustration. I glanced up and recognized the familiar sights of the area surrounding the airport. Pulling myself together, I cleaned up my face and straightened my clothes, stuffing my phone and charger back in my bag.

I waited as Eli pulled up to the drop-off area and opened my door. He got my suitcase out for me and hugged me tightly as he said goodbye. "You just call me when you need a ride home, okay?"

"Okay," I agreed. "Thank you so much for coming to get me, Eli. You're a lifesaver."

"Any time, Miss Swan."

I gave him one final hug and wheeled my suitcase into the terminal, scanning the signs for the right ticket counter as I walked. Everything passed in a blur as I got my ticket, checked in, and went through security.

Waiting by the gate for the boarding announcement felt endless. I found my knee anxiously jiggling and I tried to force myself to remain still. I found an outlet along the wall and plugged my phone in to charge again. It was barely still alive and I knew it wouldn't make it all the way to D.C. before my battery gave out. I continued to wait, desperately hoping someone would call with an update but still, it remained silent. I tried not to let my mind drift to Edward, or to the worst-case scenarios regarding Riley.

It wasn't until I was finally seated on the plane and it taxied down the runway that I felt the knot in my chest ease a little. I was headed to D.C. and I'd finally be able to find out if Riley was all right.

* * *

Dun, dun, dun! So tell us, is Bella wrong for making the choice she did or is Edward out of line? Give us your thoughts and we'll see you next time.

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	36. Chapter 34 - Uncertainty

Lots of mixed reactions last chapter. That's good and what we expected. This chapter is going to be a little different so buckle up. The song for this chapter is: "Been a Long Day" by Rosi Golan www*youtube*com/watch?v=I2vDLM4Hamk and here is the pictease: twitter*com/DiscordiaWrites/status/327845222560174 083/photo/1

Thank you to AshesAshes for an emergence beta job. We threw this on her with 24-hours notice and she busted it out like a champ. Extra snuggles for you, Dory.

Disclaimer: _All publicly recognizable characters, settings, etc. are the property of their respective owners. The original characters and plot are the property of the author. The author is in no way associated with the owners, creators, or producers of any media franchise. No copyright infringement is intended._

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**Chapter Thirty-Four: Uncertainty**

By the time the plane landed in D.C., I was a wreck. I'd managed to hold it together more or less, but the stress of the fight with Edward and panic over Riley's condition left me exhausted. As soon as we landed and the flight crew gave the all-clear, I bolted from the plane. Shoving my way through the crowded airport, I hurried to find the baggage carousel. I drummed my fingers against my hip as I waited for my bags. The moment my bags arrive, I set out at a quick pace for the exit and snagged the first taxi I could.

"MedStar Georgetown," I told the driver and added, "as quickly as you can, please."

Despite the nightmarish snarl of D.C. traffic, we arrived at the hospital fairly quickly. The driver helped me remove my luggage from the trunk and took off after his next fare. I tried not to take anyone out with my luggage as I navigated my way into the hospital and to the information desk. I shoved my sunglasses up on top of my head and did my best to greet the woman there politely.

"Hi, I'm here to see Riley Biers. Last I knew he was in the ICU," I said.

"Could you spell the last name for me, please?" she asked pleasantly.

"Sure. B-i-e-r-s."

"It looks like he's been moved to a regular room."

I let out a sigh of relief, my body sagging against the desk at the news. "That's good, right? That means he's doing better."

She smiled comfortingly at me. "Yes, ma'am. He's in great hands."

"Thank you," I said.

"He's in room 742." She pointed out directions on a map and showed me the way to the elevators.

Knowing that Riley had been moved to a regular room was an enormous relief. If he'd still been in a coma, or had gotten worse, surely he'd still be in the ICU. The blind panic had retreaded only to be replaced with nervous apprehension. I had no idea how he or Amanda would react to seeing me.

I noticed what a bustling place the hospital was as I made my way up to the elevators. My luggage was such a hassle but I had no idea where I could stash it. Hopefully it wouldn't be a problem in Riley's room, although I was unsure of how long I'd be here.

Another wave of apprehension washed over me in the elevator. What was I doing here? Had coming to D.C. been the right choice? I wondered. I had no idea if Riley even wanted me here.

By the time I made it up to the seventh floor, my hands had gone cold and a knot had formed in the pit of my stomach. _Pull yourself together, Bella, _I reminded myself. _Just breathe. _I followed the signs to room 742 and paused outside, taking a deep, steadying breath. My heart was hammering in my chest, and I wasn't sure if it was the thought of how badly Riley might be injured, or if it was the thought of seeing him after nearly a year. The door was partway open and I knocked on it softly, calling out his name. "Riley?"

There was no answer, and I peered inside. Through the gap in the door, I could see him sleeping. I gasped at the sight of him. There was a swath of white bandage on his temple, and scrapes and cuts covering parts of his face and one arm. His leg was in a cast and he looked bruised and battered. I silently pushed the door open a little more and wheeled the suitcase inside the room. I let the door close partway again and walked over to him.

I sank into the chair beside the bed, drinking in the sight of him. Just needing to touch him, I gently brushed a finger across his arm and sat back in my chair. I glanced up at the monitors surrounding him and tried to make sense of them. Movement caught my attention and I looked back at him. I froze when I saw Riley's eyes open. He was staring at me, a puzzled frown on his face.

"Bella?" he asked hoarsely.

I leaned forward, reaching for the hand he held out to me and grasping it tightly. "Hey."

Hearing his voice, seeing his eyes, and touching his skin brought back so many memories. It was familiar, comforting. I smiled at him, tears immediately filling my eyes.

He rubbed a hand across his cheek, the blond whiskers rasping against his palm. "God, whatever they're giving me must be good; now I'm hallucinating." His thumb brushed the back of my hand. "It even feels like you're here."

I let out a choked laugh, glad to know he was more or less coherent and able to recognize me. I squeezed his hand and relaxed back against the chair again. "No, I'm here," I said, brushing away a couple of tears I hadn't even realized had fallen. "You're not hallucinating."

He let out a sigh of relief. "God, it's good to see you."

"It's good to see you, too," I said and sniffled back the rest of my tears.

"I … I'm surprised though," he said, his face twisting. "I didn't expect you to be here."

"Amanda called," I said softly. "I got here as quickly as I could."

He nodded, scrubbing his hand over his face again. "Fuck, I feel like I got hit by a truck."

I shook my head at him. "You were."

"Nah, I think it was an SUV."

I chuckled at his ability to find humor in the worst of situations. That was something that hadn't changed. "Do you remember what happened?" I asked more seriously.

He groaned and shifted on the bed, wincing as he tried to find a more comfortable position. I saw his knuckles whiten and his jaw clench for a moment before he let out a slow breath. He opened his eyes and looked at me for a long moment before nodding. "Yeah, most of it. I was out jogging near my condo, almost done with my run."

"Since when do you run outside?" I asked. "I used to beg you to run outside with me."

He shrugged, wincing again. "I guess that's why I started doing it here. It reminded me of you. I felt closer to you than when I was working out in the gym."

I nodded and smiled as tears filled my eyes again. Apparently, we'd both had our little rituals to try and keep each other close even though we were thousands of miles apart. "Anyway, I was almost home, and I guess I was distracted and didn't look when I went to cross the street. This SUV came barreling around the corner out of nowhere and clipped me. He didn't hit me straight on, thank God, but I guess I went flying. I hit my head on the pavement and my leg broke. I mostly know that because they told me, that part of the night is fuzzy."

"I was told you were unconscious?" I said, though it came out more as a question.

"Yeah, for a few hours, I guess. They put me into ICU to monitor me, but I guess I woke up shortly after that."

I brushed my thumb along his wrist. "Long term effects?"

"Some headaches and dizziness maybe, and obviously I'm going to be in a cast and on crutches for a while." He huffed in frustration. I knew how much he was going to hate being slowed down like that. "I have to start physical therapy as soon as the cast comes off."

"I'm so glad you're alright. It could have been a lot worse," I said softly and he nodded.

"Yeah, it could have," he agreed. "I still can't believe you're here, babe."

"For all I knew, you were dying. How could I not?"

He smiled sadly. "I'm glad you came."

We were both silent for a long moment, until a sharp rap on the door startled us both. He jerked, wincing as he turned to look at the door at the nurse peering her head in. "Mr. Biers, I'm here to take your vitals again."

"'kay," he grunted. She frowned at him as she came in the room.

"What's your pain level like right now? Scale of one to ten."

"Seven."

I frowned. Riley had always been a tough guy, refusing to admit he was in pain, so if he said it was that bad, it was probably actually worse.

"Okay," the nurse said. "As soon as I get your vitals, I'll come in with more pain meds. There's no need for you to tough it out. Your body needs time to rest and heal. It won't be able to do that if you are tense from the pain," she explained.

She took his blood pressure and temperature and jotted them down before smiling at me. "And who is your visitor? I know your sister was here earlier."

I had been wondering where Amanda was, and I reminded myself to ask Riley when the nurse left. I glanced at him, unsure of how to answer her question.

"I'm . . ."

"This is Bella," he said. "She's been a friend of the family most of our lives and one of my best friends."

He glanced at me and I nodded. It was the easiest explanation there was. Any other explanation was convoluted, and not really any-one's business but ours. And it was true, in addition to being my boyfriend; he had been one of my best friends. He had been the future partner in my father's firm, the man I planned to marry and raise a family with, and my friend. He had been my whole life.

I was lost in my thoughts as the nurse left momentarily, and then returned with a syringe. Riley was still hooked up to an IV and she gave him what I assumed was painkillers through that. When she left the second time, she closed the door behind her and I looked at Riley. I could already see his eyes growing dazed and a little heavy. "You'll still be here when I wake up, right, babe?" he asked, reaching out for me again.

I squeezed his hand and whispered, "Yeah . . . I'll be here."

He was asleep almost immediately after that. With the opportunity to look at Riley unobserved, I took a few moments to just look at him. Now that the shock of the sight of his injuries had faded a little, I could see the changes in him.

He'd lost some of the bulk he'd always had and, although still fit, was a bit leaner. His hair was cut in a shorter, neater cut and there were a few lines on his face that hadn't been there before. I had no idea if it was the injuries or the fact that it had been so long since I'd seen him, but he didn't really look like the man who'd left San Francisco the year before.

He didn't look like _my_ Riley.

The thought made my stomach flip, and I fumbled with my purse, wanting to distract myself. I dragged out my phone and charger and searched for a spare outlet in the room. There was one on the wall by the window and I got up and plugged it in.

My breath caught in my throat when the screen saver came up. It was a picture of Edward and me in Napa. We had given my phone to someone to take a picture of us as we strolled through one of the vineyards, and on the drive to the French Laundry, I'd set it to my screen saver.

Unfortunately, with my phone charging, I found myself with nothing to do but think. Images of Edward kept flashing through my mind; the hurt and anger on his face were unforgettable.

Although it stung that he had driven away and left me there, now that we weren't in the heat of the moment, I could understand it. He didn't know what was going on or what my phone call was about. I never would have asked him to drive me to the airport; that would have been unthinkably inconsiderate. Just thinking about what I had done to him made my stomach churn. I got up and went to the en suite bathroom, leaning over the sink and breathing slowly, trying to keep myself from getting sick.

I pushed away thoughts of Edward, needing to compartmentalize what I was dealing with at the moment. I knew it wasn't healthy, but what choice did I have? I had to deal with things here in D.C. and then I could deal with everything in San Francisco when I returned.

I lifted my head and looked in the mirror, horrified by how awful I looked. I stepped out of the bathroom and rummaged through my suitcase for my toiletry kit. My fingers brushed along Edward's shirt and I froze, my fingers rubbing the fabric for a moment before I let go. Once again, I stifled the thoughts swirling through my brain.

I washed my face and took a little time to brush my teeth and apply some makeup, hiding the pale, wan skin and dark circles under my eyes. I was at least semi-presentable now. I zipped up the case and left the bathroom, stopping in my tracks when I came face-to-face with Riley's sister.

"Amanda!" I gasped. She looked different than the last time I'd seen her, too. Her hair was cut shorter and she had a deep tan, which set off her blue eyes.

She blinked at me in shock, looking like she'd seen a ghost. "Bella?" she whispered and immediately wrapped me in a tight hug. "What … what are you doing here?" she said when she released me.

"You left me a message Riley was unconscious; what did you expect me to do?"

She shook her head as if clearing it. "I had no idea. I was panicked, and you're the first person who came to mind. I can't believe you came!"

"You really scared me," I admitted. "I had no idea if Riley would be in a coma or worse when I got here."

She frowned. "Didn't you get my other messages?"

I shook my head. "My phone's been dead. You must have called me back while I was on the flight here."

"God, I never thought you'd come," she said wrapping me in another hug.

"Do you not want me here?" I said, tensing in her arms. After Riley had left, Amanda had berated me for not convincing him to stay in San Francisco and then essentially dropped out of my life, as well.

"No, I'm just surprised." She pulled back and continued, "I started thinking about it and I wondered if you'd even care."

My jaw dropped and I was just about to retort angrily when Riley moaned softly. We both turned to look at him shifting restlessly on the bed and she jerked her head toward the door. I set my toiletry bag on top of my suitcase and followed her into the hall. She closed the door behind him and quietly said, "Come on, there's a private lounge we can talk in down the hall."

I followed her, biting my tongue to keep back the words that wanted to spill out. She navigated through the corridors, and we were soon in a glassed in lounge that was empty and quiet except for a trickling fountain.

I turned to face her and finally let loose the words that had been on the tip of my tongue. "I have _never_ stopped caring, Amanda. Riley and I did what was best for both of us but that doesn't mean I just quit loving him. I've been a wreck since he left."

"If you loved him that much you wouldn't have let him leave," she said.

"If he'd stayed or I had gone with him, we would have resented each other. We would have fought, and it would have slowly poisoned our relationship. The minute Riley landed the job here, we were over, one way or another. Either we made a clean break or it slowly died."

I felt something strange inside when I said those words. The truth of the statement resonated in my bones. It was such simple logic that had I had taken so long to learn As much as I'd pined and longed for him, they were the truth.

Amanda looked at me for a long moment before she sank onto the couch nearby, I followed her more slowly, unsure of how she was going to respond. She buried her head in her hands for a moment before lifting her eyes to mine. "I'm sorry," she said, "you're right. Of course, you're right. It was just easier to blame you than to blame my brother. He not only left you but he left me."

I wiped away a tear that was trickling down my cheek. "I'm sorry, Amanda. We both lost Riley when he came here. I've missed you."

A look of remorse crossed her face as I continued. "You know me; I don't really open up that easily to people. My mother is, well . . . you know _exactly_ what Renee is like. I had Charlie, and Vanessa. That's it."

"I never thought of it that way," Amanda said, wiping away her own tears. "God, I was so selfish. I missed you so much, but after a while I thought maybe you didn't want to talk to me again, that you had just moved on from Riley and forgotten about me."

"Moved on?" I laughed hollowly. "I was barely making it out of bed some days. It's been almost a year and I'm not over him leaving. Every time I try to move forward, I find myself stuck back in the same old ruts. I know I need to let go. I just . . . can't."

"I was so sure I knew what my life was going to be like," I continued softly. "I had it all laid out. The partnership, the marriage, our life. . . . When Riley left, it was like he pulled the foundation out from under me. It all came crumbling down and I can't find the right pieces to put it together again. I try to rebuild but there's pieces missing."

"I should have been there for you," Amanda said.

I reached for her hand and squeezed. "I've missed my best friend."

"I've missed you, too. Can you forgive me?" Amanda asked softly, bringing me back from my thoughts.

I nodded. "Of course. I know you were hurting, too. I'm sorry I wasn't there for you."

She leaned forward and hugged me. I hugged her back; taking comfort from the girl I'd known most of my life. "Do you think we can be friends again?" she asked me when she drew back.

"I'd like to try," I said honestly, surprised by how good it felt to have things resolved with Amanda. Whatever else came of me flying here, it was a relief to know that I'd at least mended fences with her.

"Let's go back to Riley's room," she said and I nodded.

"Where are your parents?" I asked.

"At the moment, I'm not sure where Mom and Dad are. They were on a cruise ship somewhere up near Alaska when the accident happened. It took a while to get a message to them. They can't get to D.C. for at least a few more days. Mom has to be going crazy," Amanda said.

I nodded, imaging how frantic their mother would be. "I'm sure she's worried sick."

"I managed to get ahold of them and let them know Riley had woken up, so that helps. I was so terrified when I heard he was unconscious."

"Me, too. He's really going to be okay though?"

Amanda nodded. "The doctors said he'll be fine. He may have issues with headaches and dizziness for a while because of the concussion. And the break in his leg was pretty bad, so that will take a while to heal. But other than the scars from them putting pins in his leg, he shouldn't have any permanent damage."

I sighed with relief. "Good."

Amanda paused outside Riley's room. "How long do you plan to stay?"

"Honestly, I have no idea. I bought a one-way ticket here without much thought after that. I just had to get here and be sure he was all right."

She gently squeezed my upper arm. "I'm glad you came. I'm kind of worried about what's going to happen tomorrow."

"What do you mean?"

"I have to fly out tomorrow morning. I have a meeting I can't miss in the afternoon. Mom and Dad won't be here for at least a few more days and Riley should be getting discharged tomorrow morning. Once he's home, it's going to be difficult for him to navigate until he gets used to the crutches."

I gave her an apprehensive look. "There isn't . . . _anyone_ who can help?"

Amanda gave me a long look, knowing what I was asking. "He isn't seeing anyone that I know of, Bella."

"I'm sorry; I shouldn't have asked."

"No, no, I brought it up," she protested. "He hasn't seen anyone since you."

She turned pleading eyes on me and I finally realized where this was going. "You want me to stay." I took a deep breath. "I could stay for a few days until he gets settled." I cleared my throat and added, "If he was okay with that, I mean."

"Can you?" she asked hopefully.

"I just need to speak with Charlie and call the firm. I already took last Friday off. I have plenty of vacation time and a case just wrapped up, but still, I hate to leave him in the lurch, especially when I just made partner." I winced at the thought.

Amanda's face lit up. "Oh, Bella, congratulations! Riley will be so proud of you. If somehow you can make staying work, I would be so grateful."

"If Riley wants me here, I'll do anything I can to help," I said.

"Trust me, he does," Amanda reassured me.

**~LTOYL~**

Amanda and I went back into Riley's room and found him still sleeping. The nurse was making notes on his chart and excused herself just after we came in. Amanda took a seat next to the bed and reached for Riley's hand. "He misses you, you know. He always tells me he's doing fine but I can tell. He's just not the same as he was."

"I miss him, too. We've kept in touch a little, but honestly, it just made things harder."

She looked at me and nodded.

I could feel my emotions building again so I excused myself. "I'm going to go call Charlie and check in; excuse me."

I grabbed my phone from the charger and powered it up as I walked out of the room and toward the family lounge. Once again, my phone lit up with alerts but rather than check any of them, I dialed my dad. He answered almost immediately.

"Bella, how's Riley doing?"

"He's okay," I said, exhaling heavily. "He's banged up, has a broken leg, and is recovering from a concussion, but he's going to be fine."

"Thank God," Charlie said. "We were worried. I called you half a dozen times."

"I'm sorry." I exhaled a breath. My phone was dead. I was letting it charge."

"No, that's fine. I just wanted to be sure he'd be all right and find out how you were doing. "

"That's why I called," I said. I explained the situation with Amanda leaving before their parents could get there and Charlie was quiet for a moment before he spoke.

"Bella, take all the time you need. I've got the office covered; things will be fine until you get back. Does Edward know what's going on?"

"Things with Edward are—" I swallowed hard against the press of tears in the back of my throat. He had driven off after telling me we were over. I had no idea what would happen when I got back. "—complicated. I can't go into it right now, Dad."

He sighed. "I had a feeling things between Edward and you would be considering where you were and where you are now."

"You have no idea." I laughed shakily thinking of how just a few hours ago, I was in Napa and Edward was confessing his love for me. "I suppose this isn't very professional of me to run off like this right after making partner."

My father chuckled softly. "Well, no, but emergencies do come up, your caseload is light right now, and after all, you are the boss's daughter. I'm happy to keep an eye on things."

I smiled at Charlie's attempt to make light of the situation. He knew I'd never use that as an excuse to get time off. "Thanks, Dad."

"Say hi to Riley and Amanda for me," he said.

"I will," I promised. "Thank you."

"I love you, Bella."

"Love you, too."

I hung up the phone and dropped it into my lap, struggling for a moment to pull myself back together. I was exhausted and about ready to crash. I covered my face with my trembling hands, unable to fight back the tears any longer. Thankful that the room was empty, I cried for a while, letting out some of the pent up emotions.

I had no idea if staying for a few more days was the right decision to make or not, but I knew that I couldn't leave yet.

We know some of you were hoping that Bella would find another woman by Riley's bedside and fly right home to Edward. Hang in there and keep trusting us, because what we have planned is actually going to be much, much better for the long term health of E&Bs relationship. They WILL get there. Bella just has to finally come to grips with her past.

We're eager to hear your thoughts on the chapter; we really love all of the feedback we've been getting.

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	37. Chapter 35 - Nostalgia

*Tap tap* Is this thing on? For those of you who are tapping your foot at us and pointing to the date, yes, we are aware we posted a day late. Due to a huge curve ball that's recently been thrown my way, we weren't able to get this all polished up in time to make the Thursday's posting date. I'm trying my best, really I am.

Originally this chapter was crazy long so we decided to cut it short. Good news is, next chapter is already being worked on. Bad news is, you'll have to go a little while longer without Edward. The song for this chapter is Skinny Love by Birdy: www#youtube#com/watch?v=aNzCDt2eidg and here is the pictease in case you missed it on Twitter: i39#tinypic#com/ao2ljn#jpg

Our greatest thanks to AshesAshes and LJ Summers for the magic fairy dust. We couldn't ask for a better team to beta this story.

Disclaimer: _All publicly recognizable characters, settings, etc. are the property of their respective owners. The original characters and plot are the property of the author. The author is in no way associated with the owners, creators, or producers of any media franchise. No copyright infringement is intended._

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**Chapter 35: Nostalgia**

When Amanda and I returned to Riley's room, he was still asleep. We talked quietly, and it was nice to catch up and find out what she had been doing in the last year.

After a while, a nurse popped her head in the room to check on Riley. She took Riley's vitals before informing us visiting hours would be up shortly. He woke up briefly, groggy and disoriented. When the nurse left, Amanda stood and walked over to his bed, carefully sitting beside him. She brushed his hair off his forehead and smiled down at him.

"Do you need anything before we head out for the night?"

"No, I'm okay. Can you bring me clothes for tomorrow when I get discharged?" he asked. "Something easy to put on over the cast."

"Of course," she said. "Hey, I actually wanted to talk to you about tomorrow. I have a meeting tomorrow I absolutely have to get back for. I should be able to get you home and settled, but I need to get back to San Francisco. Bella and I talked about things and she says she can stay until Mom and Dad get here."

"But only if you want me to," I added.

Riley smiled at me. "That would be nice."

"I talked to Charlie; he'll cover things at the office for me."

Riley nodded, and I could see his eyes growing heavy again.

"We'll head out now, Ri, and let you sleep," Amanda said, leaning down to kiss his cheek. "See you in the morning."

"Night," he mumbled.

Amanda stood up at turned to me. "Do you have a place to stay yet? I'm at Riley's if you want to stay with me. It would be nice to have you there."

I hesitated for a moment before I spoke, unsure what to do. Part of me thought it was natural that I'd stay with her at Riley's place, but seeing as Riley and I hadn't really gotten a chance to talk yet, I wasn't sure if it was a good idea. Thinking quickly, I decided to take the night to get my bearings. "You know, I think I'll just stay at a hotel. Honestly, I'm pretty tired and I wouldn't be very good company anyway."

Amanda frowned but nodded in understanding. "Okay. Well let's at least walk out together."

"Sounds good," I told her. "I'll see you in the morning, Riley." Instinctively, I leaned in to kiss his cheek as well, and caught myself, reaching to give his hand a squeeze instead. He squeezed it back, brushing his thumb along my wrist before letting it go.

"Good night, Bella. I'm glad you're here." He yawned then and closed his eyes as he rested his head back into his pillow.

"Sweet dreams."

I double-checked that my phone charger was back in my purse, stuffed my toiletry bag in my suitcase, and followed Amanda out the door. I glanced back at Riley one more time as I pulled the door shut behind me. He was already deep asleep, and I let out a sigh of relief that he was going to be fine.

In the elevator, I pulled up a map of the area on my phone and searched for a hotel nearby. I just needed a decent place to crash for the night. If the exhaustion I felt was any indication, I'd be lucky if I had the energy to take a shower before I fell asleep.

"Do you have hotel in mind already? Amanda asked me.

"No, I was just looking one up," I said, flashing my phone at her.

"There's actually one at the conference center here on campus. The nurse told me about it when I got here. I'm sure they'll have a room available. Do you want to walk over there?"

I thought for a moment. It would be convenient, considering I didn't have a car. "I think I'll do that. You don't have go over there with me. I'm sure you're tired. I'll just stop at the front desk for directions."

She nodded and we both drew silent after a moment, I asked, "What time do you want to meet back here in the morning?"

"I've been coming in around nine. The doctor usually comes between nine-thirty and ten. He said if everything checks out, Riley would likely be discharged right after he made his rounds."

"Okay, I'll be here at nine o'clock then."

She leaned forward and hugged me tightly. "Thanks, Bella. I am glad I don't have to deal with this alone, and I can't thank you enough for staying to help out."

"You're welcome." I hugged her back just as tightly. "You and Riley are my oldest friends; there was no way I could just leave you in the lurch."

She pulled back, her hand lingering at my elbow. "I'm just sorry I let the breakup get in the way of our friendship."

I nodded. "Me, too."

She hugged me again and then said goodnight after the elevator came to a stop, promising to see me in the morning. She had rented a car for the time she was here, and headed toward the parking lot. I stopped in at the front desk of the hospital and asked for directions to the on campus hotel. The night receptionist pointed me in the right direction and I left, towing my suitcase behind me.

The hotel was located directly south of the hospital and was only a short walk to the main lobby. When I walked in the door a woman greeted me at check-in and I asked for a room. As she checked me in, I could feel my body's exhaustion slowly taking over. She handed me my key, gave me brief directions on how to get up to my room, and pointed me to the elevators. I noticed a Starbucks in the lobby, as well, and made a mental note to stop by in the morning on my way out. I rode up my floor and stumbled with my suitcase to my room.

As soon as the door clicked shut behind me, shrouding the room in darkness except for the lights of DC shining through the window, I felt my legs give out and I sunk to the floor.

So much had happened in the past twenty-four hours and I hadn't even started to process it all yet. I had been running on adrenaline since I'd woken up this morning and every muscle in my body ached with fatigue now as it had slowly worn off.

I sat there for a good twenty minutes with my eyes shut, just taking in the silence. When I finally opened my eyes, I decided to forgo eating something for dinner—I really wasn't even hungry—and opted for showering in the morning.

I stripped out my clothes, and rummaged through my suitcase for something to sleep in. I came across Edward's shirt and my heart ached. Things had been so terrible when he left me in Napa. I needed to talk to him but I really wasn't sure what to say just yet. He'd ended things between us, and maybe that was for the best; God knows I was a mess and had nothing to offer him right now. But it still made me sad and mournful to think about him and, at the very least, he deserved a sincere apology for the way I'd treated him.

Taking a deep breath, I yawned and grabbed a tank top to throw on. Moving to the bed, I pulled back the sheets and climbed in after setting my alarm for seven a.m. I wanted to get cleaned up and get a decent cup of coffee before meeting Amanda at the hospital. Moments after closing my eyes, I slipped into a deep sleep.

**~LtOYL~**

The next morning, I showered, dressed, and grabbed a latte before heading in to see Riley. When I arrived, he was much more alert; apparently, he'd had a good night's sleep. He told me they'd removed the IV and he was now on pill-form painkillers in preparation of his discharge. Amanda helped him dress, and he was ready to go when the doctor came in to check on him. He left us with instructions for what to do over the next several weeks and gave Riley the all clear. Amanda and I gathered up Riley's things and she left us for a moment to go pick up his prescriptions in the lobby and bring the car around.

After helping him into the wheelchair, I asked if he was ready to go.

"Bella, can I ask you something?" Riley asked me once we were finally alone.

"Of course, can I get you something?"

"No, I'm fine. I just—" Suddenly a nurse came in. "Never mind. It can wait."

"All ready to go, Mr. Biers?" he asked. "I've got to say, I'm kind of happy to see you go. The rest of the nurses can quit talking about you and get back to talking about me." He laughed. His eyes shifted to mine and he stopped in his tracks. "Well, hello there."

Riley laughed, too. "Bella, this is George, the resident smart ass. He's been one of my nurses in the morning shift."

George was tall and well built, with black hair and olive-colored skin. He was good-looking and I could see why the female nurses would talk about him. "Nice to meet you." I reached out to shake his hand.

"No, the pleasure's all mine." George grabbed my hand but didn't shake, merely held on to it.

"That's enough, George," Riley chided and reached for his chair wheels. "Let get this show on the road. Besides, you can do all the flirting you want and it won't do you any good. You're not Bella's type." The comment made me pause but I didn't speak up. Though George was attractive, Riley was right; he wasn't my type.

George released my hand and wheeled Riley to the lobby where we met Amanda at the front door. She'd brought the rental vehicle around and I was thankful it was an SUV. It was a little easier for Riley to maneuver into it versus a car. I could see him struggling to get comfortable with the bulky cast on his leg as he situated himself with his broken leg propped on the seat beside him.

George said his goodbye and we pulled out, headed for Riley's apartment. I sat quietly in the back seat and read through the paperwork from the hospital, trying to make sure there wasn't anything I couldn't handle over the next few days. It all seemed pretty straightforward. Riley's apartment building wasn't far, and thankfully we were able to pull up right to the door at the main entrance of the sprawling, five-story brick building. Amanda and I helped him out of the SUV and I grabbed my purse before she took off to park. He reached for the crutches I handed him and hooked them under his arms. He grimaced as he began to move, but after a few halting steps he seemed to grow more steady. He'd broken his foot as a kid so crutches weren't completely unfamiliar to him.

We walked slowly inside, me hovering at his elbow as we made our way into the building. I had no idea what I was going to do if he slipped. At 6'3" and over 200 pounds of solid muscle, it wasn't like I could do much if he fell, but I felt like I should at least be there to try.

Riley was pale and exhausted by the time he made it to the elevators, but he seemed steady enough on the crutches, and I was thankful that once we got up to the fourth floor, the entrance to his place wasn't far.

Amanda had handed me the keys to his place earlier and I let us both in. "Where do you want to go?" I asked Riley once he was in the apartment.

He groaned and leaned against the wall. "My bedroom's at the top of the stairs."

"You could spend the afternoon on the couch down here," I offered, but he shook his head no.

"I'd rather get it over with and get comfortable up there, I think."

"Okay," I agreed.

Thankfully, Amanda came in just a few moments later, with my suitcase and Riley's bag. With both of us on either side of him, he made it up the stairs. He collapsed onto the bed with a relieved groan. I took the crutches and leaned them against the wall, while Amanda helped Riley get settled on the bed.

She glanced at her watch. "I need to get going if I'm going to catch my flight. Riley, can I get you anything before I go? Bella are you sure you'll be okay doing this?"

"Yeah, I'll be fine," I reassured her.

"Mom and Dad will be here in a few days, and I've got Bella until then. Thanks for coming to take care of me, Mandi," Riley spoke up.

She made a face at the nickname he always called her when he was trying to drive her nuts. "I've missed you, Ri."

"I've missed you, too. You need to come visit me out here again. Sometime when I'm not dying," he joked.

She made another face and leaned down to hug him. "You scared me," she muttered. "I thought I was going to lose you."

I decided to give them a little privacy and slipped out of the room, giving them some space to say goodbye. In the hall, I wandered over to the railing and rested my elbows on it as I looked out over Riley's apartment.

It was a massive, light-filled studio. As my eyes traveled over the space, I realized how sterile and cold it seemed. The bones of the place were good, with huge windows, exposed beams, and hardwood floors. But with white walls, light-colored furniture, and light toned wood, it seemed very stark. It didn't really seem warm or lived in. It was stunning, but not a very cozy place to live.

I felt a twinge of discomfort when I realized I was mentally comparing it to Edward's place and the one Riley and I shared in San Francisco before I'd had it redecorated. Pushing away that thought, I was grateful when Amanda appeared, shutting the bedroom door behind her.

"He took a couple of pain pills, so he'll be out for a while, I think," she said. Pointing down the hall, she added, "The guest bedroom is down there. I didn't have time to wash them, but I did strip the sheets off the bed, and there's a washer and dryer in a closet off the kitchen."

"That's perfect, thanks."

She stepped forward to hug me. "Thank _you_ for coming. And for staying until my parents get here. I know this can't be easy for you."

"It's . . . a little surreal," I admitted. "But I really am glad to help."

"I owe you one, Bella. Call me when you get back to San Francisco and we'll get together."

"I will, I'd like that," I said, hugging her hard.

"Mom said she'd call Riley's phone today, so if it rings, just answer it. It's on the nightstand by his bed."

"Okay."

I walked Amanda to the door and hugged her one last time before she left. We agreed that once we were both back in San Francisco we'd get together to talk and as the door closed behind her, I felt like one of the huge burdens that had been weighing me down had lifted. Losing Amanda's friendship had hit me harder than I'd realized. I'd been so wrapped up in my grief when Riley left I hadn't quite realized it was the loss of two people I was mourning. I grabbed Riley's duffel bag and my suitcase and hauled them up the stairs. I left his bag outside his door and went into the guest room.

To keep myself busy, I decided to wash the sheets and a few clothes to get me through the next few days. While the laundry was going, I wandered through the apartment, unsure of what to do with myself. I paused when I saw Riley's sleek laptop on the dining room table next to a pile of folders. I had a number of emails to respond to, and I wondered if he'd mind if I used his laptop. I debated for a moment and decided to ask him if I could use it later.

I fiddled around on my phone, searching the web and checking out the latest news headlines until the buzzer beeped on the laundry, nearly scaring me to death. I got up and I put everything in the dryer, smiling when I noticed he was still using the same dryer sheets as I did. I couldn't get over how strange it was, seeing Riley again. So many things were still the same, and yet, enough was different that it continued to throw me. I felt off-kilter.

Suddenly, I remembered what Amanda had said about their mother calling and Riley's phone being on the table next to him in his room. I didn't want it to wake him, so I crept into his room and grabbed his cell of the table. I went back in the other room and set it down beside mine, noticing his battery was about dead. I searched around his place for a charger and found one in the kitchen so I plugged it in.

A short while later, the dryer chimed it was done so I put the sheets on the bed and folded my clothing. I was trying to figure out what to do next when I heard Riley call out my name. I went in the other bedroom to check on him, and he smiled tiredly up at me when I peered my head in the door.

"Hey," I said softly.

"Can I get some water? I'm really thirsty. There's bottled water in the fridge."

"Do you want anything else while I'm downstairs?" I asked. "Are you hungry?"

He thought for a moment and then shook his head. "No, just the water would be good."

I nodded and went downstairs, getting water for both of us, and snagged his laptop up with me. I commented on it when I went back in the room. "Would you mind if I borrowed your laptop? I need to reply to some emails."

Riley shook his head and cracked open the water I gave him. "Of course not. I take it you remember the password?"

Thinking for a moment, it came to me. He'd used my birth date before; I was shocked it still worked. I nodded as I took a seat on the chair not far from the bed. "I'm shocked you haven't changed it."

He smiled faintly. "There's a lot I haven't changed."

All I could do was smile in return as I clicked on his browser and waited for the window to load. I wasn't mentally prepared for any of this. I was truly glad to be here to help Riley, but a part of me felt incredibly uncomfortable. There was so much familiarity, and yet, I didn't quite feel like I belonged here.

"Everything okay?" he asked.

My eyes flew to meet his concerned gaze. "Isn't that supposed to be my line? You were the one who got hit by an SUV."

He smirked at my reference to his joke the day before. "I know you, Bella, you just seem . . . rattled."

I shrugged my shoulders slightly and leaned back in my chair, trying to relax. "It's just a little surreal being her with you again."

"Yeah, I know," he agreed. "Do you know how many times I've dreamed of you being here? I never thought it would happen."

"I know. Me, too," I said softly and he sighed.

"It would have been too hard—being together for such a short time. I wanted it; I just didn't think I could see you and leave you again."

I smiled sadly, understanding exactly what he meant. "That's why I haven't ever come. . . until now."

Both of us were silent for a long moment before he yawned loudly and scrubbed his hands across his face. "God, I am so tired."

"Then take another nap," I coaxed him. "You've been through a lot. You need your rest."

He nodded sleepily, his eyes already beginning to close. I saw him wince as he shifted to get more comfortable but in moments, he was out.

I finished my emails and carefully set the laptop on the floor. I wandered to what was clearly Riley's home office and picked out a book. I needed something to keep myself occupied or I was going to drive myself crazy. I read for a while, downstairs on the couch, until my rumbling stomach reminded me that I hadn't eaten since yesterday morning.

There was little food in the kitchen, but I found restaurant menus in a drawer, and ordered a pizza and salad. I woke Riley shortly before the pizza arrived and helped him sit up in bed a little. He asked for his laptop and I handed it over, running downstairs when the buzzer rang.

Back in his room with the food, he smiled when he saw I'd ordered his favorite. "This looks great. Thanks, babe."

"You're welcome." I got comfortable on the chair, curling my legs up under me as we both ate. "I hoped it would appeal."

"The hospital food wasn't exactly stellar, so I haven't had a great meal since before I got hit," he said.

"I still can't believe you got hit," I said, shaking my head as I stabbed at the lettuce in my salad.

"It was an experience I'd like to never repeat," he said wryly.

I laughed; I had always found his slightly dry humor attractive and while some things felt odd to me, the banter he and I had slipped into since I'd arrived had fallen right into place. "Gee, I can't imagine why," I teased him. "Breaking your leg and being knocked unconscious sounds so appealing."

We ate our dinner, laughing and teasing each other. We heard a phone ring in the other room and Riley looked at me before it dawned on me it was his cell. I quickly set my plate down to run and grab it but it had stopped ringing just as I'd reached it. I unplugged his cell from the charger and took it into Riley's room.

"Sorry, I didn't get to it in time."

"No problem. Thanks," he said as I handed it to him. He started pressing buttons and then put the phone up to his ear. After a few seconds he spoke. "Hey, Mom."

I slipped out of the room, carrying the leftovers from dinner, and pulled his door slightly closed to give him some privacy. I put the leftovers in the fridge and returned to the comfortable couch in the living room. I could hear the low rise and fall of Riley's voice as he talked to his mother. I couldn't hear the actual conversation, but it was familiar and soothing listening to the familiar tone of his voice in the background. A sudden wave of sadness washed over me as I realized I missed Riley's mother. In many ways, she'd been more of a mother to me than Renee had over the years. She was warmer, and a much better listener. While Riley and I had been together, I'd talked to her on a weekly, sometimes daily basis. I missed Riley's father, too, although with Charlie around, it wasn't like I was quite as desperate for that parental figure in my life.

_No wonder I'd been such a mess,_ I thought grimly. _Was_ such a mess, really. I'd made some improvement in the past year, but there was still a hell of a lot I needed to deal with. The disastrous ending to the weekend with Edward was proof of that. I sighed, rubbing at that spot in my chest that always seemed to ache when I thought of him. How had everything gone so wrong, so fast? Neither of us had ever seen this as a future for us.

The call from Riley's parents in conjunction with my thoughts about the past weekend reminded me that I still had unchecked voice mail messages on my phone. With a sigh, I got up and grabbed my phone from the table across the room. I'd plugged it in to charge earlier, and had forgotten it was there.

I settled back on the couch as I listened to my voicemail, my breath catching when I realized one of the messages was from Edward. It had come in while I was on the plane to D.C.

His voice was cool and detached; weary. _"Bella, I . . . look, this doesn't change anything, but I wanted to call to see if you made it back to San Francisco okay. I . . . it was a shitty thing to do—to leave you there stranded, although I'm sure you understand why I left."_ There was a bitterness to his voice I'd never heard before. _"Just text me to let me know you made it home safely. That's all I need."_

The message ended abruptly after that. I went to delete the message but stopped myself; it was connection to him—possibly the last one I'd have. I typed and retyped a text to Edward, finally settling on the simplest thing I could come up with. _**Sorry, I didn't get your message until now. I made it back to SF safe. Thanks for checking on me. I'm sorry.**_

There was nothing else to say, nothing else I could do until I was back in the city and even then, possibly nothing else he would allow. Until I could ask him to meet with me in person so I could apologize, a simple _I'm sorry_ was my only option.

I closed my eyes at the stinging press of tears, my phone clutched in my hand as I thought about Edward. I half-expected a response from him, but my phone was silent and still as the moments ticked by. I was jarred from my thoughts by Riley calling down the stairs to me. "Bella?"

I sat up, my phone slipping from my hand before I caught it at the last second. "Yeah—" I cleared my throat "—one sec," I said, my voice coming out more hoarse than I expected. I wiped at my eyes, plugged the phone in again, and went upstairs, trying to compose myself.

"There you are." Riley smiled at me, but his expression dimmed as he looked me over. "Hey, what's wrong?"

"Nothing." I forced a smile onto my face and lied. "Just tired. Maybe a little jet-lagged."

He looked at me warily, no doubt not believing me for a moment, but he didn't push it. "Okay. Um, I need to get up. Can you help me into the bathroom?" he hastily added, "I'll be fine once I'm in there; I just want to be sure I don't fall getting out of bed."

"Yeah, of course," I assured him. It took Riley a while to brush his teeth and get ready for bed, and I handed him a change of clothes through the door.

After he finally hobbled from the bathroom back into the bedroom on his crutches, he sank onto the bed with a relieved groan.

"Fuck, who would think going to the bathroom would be this exhausting?" he asked, his face pale and drawn, as he settled back. "I hate this."

"I know, but it's normal." Riley had never liked being sick, or having to be taken care of. He'd always let me, and I knew he appreciated when I did, but he still hated it. A slow recovery like this was going to drive him crazy.

I helped him get settled in bed again. His lips were pressed tightly together and I heard him hiss in pain as he shifted. "Do you need more water to take some pain meds?" I asked softly.

"Please," he said hoarsely.

I went downstairs, bringing up two bottles, in case he needed more water in the middle of the night.

He thanked me, and downed one bottle, taking two pills with it. "Need anything else?" I asked, and he shook his head.

"Nah, I'm good."

"Don't hesitate to let me know if you need anything, even if it's just getting to the bathroom in the middle of the night."

"Okay," he agreed. I went to leave, but he caught my hand in his and I turned back to look at him. "Thanks, Bella. I . . . I don't know what I would have done without you."

"Glad I could help," I said, squeezing his hand. He looked up at me for a long moment before he let go of my hand, but I couldn't quite interpret his expression.

* * *

Thoughts, comments, general musings? Tell us, if you were in this situation—being with your ex after spending a year apart and having so many things still be the same—how would you feel?

We'd like to thank all of you who are still with us. We know this story has been a difficult read at times. All your support and feedback has been wonderful.

I'd also like to congratulate Discordia and Karenec for winning 1st place for Public Vote and Judge's Choice in the LDA anonymous contest with their oneshot, _Show Me Something More._ You can find it listed in either of their profiles.

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	38. Chapter 36 - Distortion

Not going to blather on, as we know you all are anxious to get to the chapter. The song we chose is fairly popular right now, which we tend to avoid, but it's still fitting to what's going on. "Lego House" by Ed Sheeran  www#youtube#com/watch?v=qU4wxPw6t_g And here is a spicy little pictease for ya:  data#whicdn#com/images/61517954/large#gif

Give a big round of applause for LJ Summers and AshesAshes, our awesome betas. Ladies, we really do appreciate your help and support on this story. Readers, check out their work; they are both _excellent_ authors.

Disclaimer: _All publicly recognizable characters, settings, etc. are the property of their respective owners. The original characters and plot are the property of the author. The author is in no way associated with the owners, creators, or producers of any media franchise. No copyright infringement is intended._

* * *

**Chapter Thirty-Six: Distortion**

Overall, I slept well that night. In the morning, I checked on Riley, but the bed was empty and I could hear the bathroom sink running. I returned to the guest room and took the time to shower and dress. He was just emerging from his bathroom when I poked my head in his bedroom door. He looked much better than the day before. It wasn't so much that he looked more neat and clean-though he did. It was just that he looked more like his old self.

"How'd you sleep?" I asked as he headed back to the bed. He was moving about easier this morning, and his color was getting back to normal.

"Surprisingly well," he said, handing the crutches to me as he got comfortable against the headboard. "I feel better."

"Good. I see you didn't need any help getting ready."

"Nah, I managed okay. I was able to wash my hair in the sink and clean up a little."

"Tough guy," I teased him. "You know it won't kill you to let me help you."

He gave me a wry smile. "I know, and I appreciate your help. I just wanted to see if I could do it on my own."

"Some things never change." I paused when a thought occurred to me. "Hey, what did your parents have to say last night?"

"They'll be here Friday. I guess some freak storm came up. They're off the cruise ship, finally, but they're expecting planes to be grounded for the next few days until the weather clears. I think my mother was about to hire a dogsled team just to get here faster. Although, knowing that I'm out of the hospital and that you're here helped calm her down."

"I'm sure she's going crazy having to wait," I said, sinking into the chair beside the bed.

"Well, you know Mom," Riley said.

"Yeah." I smiled softly. "I miss her."

He frowned. "Why didn't you stay in contact with them?"

"It was too hard at first," I admitted. "And then . . . I don't know, I thought maybe they resented me as much as Amanda did. Blamed me for you leaving."

"I had no idea things were bad between you and Amanda. I figured she didn't mention you to try to make it easier on me."

I shook my head and drew my knee up, resting my foot on the seat of the chair. "No, she was pissed at me. We had a huge fight a couple of weeks after you left. Until I got here Sunday . . . we haven't spoken since. . . ."

"Jesus, Bella. I'm sorry."

I waved it off. "You didn't know."

Riley's concerned blue eyes met mine. "I feel like I _should_ have."

"We were both just doing the best we could, I suppose," I said, shrugging.

He ran a hand through his dark blond hair and leaned back against the headboard. "There are a lot of things I wish I could go back and do differently."

"Yeah, me, too."

After a simple breakfast, we spent the morning reading—me more on the same book from last night, and Riley the newspapers from the past few days he'd missed. Riley called into his work after lunch while I touched base with Charlie. Everything at the office was fine, which was as predicted. Anytime Charlie came into the office, things seemed to run like clockwork. Charlie asked how Riley was doing and I filled him in on everything. He asked how I was, and I got a little choked up. You wouldn't think such a simple question would affected me so much, but it did. Being in D.C. with Riley made me feel completely off-kilter. Having listened to Edward's message and not getting a reply only made things worse. I felt like everything was a mess and I didn't belong anywhere.

I told Charlie that I was good but he could tell something was off. He didn't push it, just told me to take as much time as I needed to get "myself" take care of. I asked him how things were going at the office and he told me it was fine then changed the subject. I knew that was his way of telling me he had it covered and not to worry about work right now, but it was hard completely letting go while I was gone. I told him I loved him and said goodbye with a promise to send Riley his well wishes.

"How's Dad?" Riley asked once I'd disconnected the call.

I gave him a sweet smile. He'd taken to calling Charlie "Dad" when we were together. It warmed my heart that he still considered him family. "He's good. Keeping everyone in line back at the office."

"You know, as much as Dad talks about how much he enjoys retirement, he still loves that firm. I wonder where you get it from," he said and winked.

"A big part of why I love Swan and Volturi so much is because it's such a big part of him. He loves it. But enough about me, you already know all that. Tell me about your job here. Are you happy?"

His eyes lit up immediately. "I love it. God, it's exhausting and frustrating, and I absolutely love it."

"Tell me about it; I want to know what you do exactly," I prompted him.

He spoke at length about his work for the Senator, and it struck me that in the last few years he'd been working at Swan and Volturi, he hadn't looked nearly as enthusiastic or animated. Clearly, this job made him happy.

We talked about D.C., too. He'd reunited with some of our former classmates from Georgetown that had stayed in the area since he'd returned. "Bella, I can't describe it. I just feel like I fit here." While I knew what he was getting at, I can't say his words didn't sting a little. I was excited for him though. Knowing he was happy here reaffirmed that we'd made the right decision and that this where he belonged.

Riley asked how things were going at the firm since he'd left so I filled him on the changes that had happened in the last year. When I told him about my promotion to partner, he congratulated me. "Oh, babe, that's fantastic. I know how much you wanted that."

I nodded. "I've been dreaming about it for a long time."

"I'm so happy for you." He smiled at me and, for a second, it was just like old times.

He napped that afternoon and we spent the evening watching movies on the TV in his room. I found myself slipping sometimes; forgetting that we weren't together for just a second. We seemed to fall right back into place, in so many ways.

The next few days passed in a similar fashion. Riley was restless and anxious to be able to _do_ something, but I could see how hard he was trying to rest and take it easy. I tried to keep him distracted with books, movies, and even cards but, as the days passed, I could tell the inactivity was growing tiresome.

A low level of flirtation was slowly building between us as we fell into familiar routines. I kept having to remind myself that we weren't together anymore, and that I shouldn't be flirting with Riley, but it grew more difficult to remember as the days passed.

On Thursday, we were in the middle of a game of rummy when I was reminded of a spring break trip we'd taken with some friends in high school—the two of us laughing and playing cards by the pool with our friends, Riley leaning in to kiss me, and our friends teasing us about how gross our PDA was. I could practically feel the heat on my skin, smell the chlorine from the pool, and taste Riley's lips on mine.

Realizing I'd been unconsciously leaning in toward him, I jerked back, my startled eyes meeting his. "You okay?" he asked with a concerned frown.

"Yeah," I said hoarsely, my heart beating just a little too fast in my chest.

He shifted on the bed and reached forward, his warm hand touching mine. "Are you sure, babe? You look flushed."

I shook my head. "I'm fine, really."

We continued playing cards until Riley finally tossed the deck onto the duvet cover and groaned. "I am so sick of this."

"I know. We need some fresh air or something," I acknowledged.

"Go see a movie?" he offered.

"Are you sure you're feeling up to that?" I asked. "I know you're feeling better, but you just got out of the hospital a few days ago."

"I'm going to drive myself insane if I don't get out of here," he said. "I did fine going out to the patio."

We had spent a few hours on the roof deck patio earlier, Riley on his laptop while I read a book. He had maneuvered through the doors and handled the stairs fairly well with my help, and he did seem to be getting stronger daily.

"As long as you don't push yourself too hard," I said. We'd already finished dinner and had a few hours to kill until bedtime. This was the most sleep I'd had in years, and I was restless to get out of Riley's apartment, too. "Will you promise to tell me if you get too tired?"

"I will," he said, laughing. "I promise."

I got up and grabbed my phone to look up movie times. When I turned on the screen, my eyes naturally looked at the text message icon located next to my internet app. There were no messages, which mean I still had no reply from Edward. I didn't expect that he'd reply, but I still held out hope that there would be something from him. I cleared the lump that had formed in my throat and opened my web browser. "Which theater is closest to you?"

"Look up AMC Theatre on K Street."

"Okay." I searched for the theater and then went to show times. "What kind of movie do you want to see?"

"Got any porn?" he said, straight-faced and then laughed.

"Funny. Don't think you're in luck though," I quipped back, rolling my eyes at his silly sense of humor.

He laughed again. "Sorry, just being cooped up here with you is making me a little stir crazy I guess. You're so beautiful, Bella." Immediately I looked down, bringing my hand up to tuck my hair behind my ear. "You've always been the most beautiful woman in the world to me."

"Riley . . . ."

"No listen, I know things are different between us now but I want to you to know how I see you has _never_ changed. I know I'm not the easiest patient sometimes, but there's no one else I'd rather have here with me than you."

I was quiet, not really sure how to take the first half of his statement. Given his joke just moments before, I wasn't sure where this was leading. Finally, I spoke up hoping to steer things back on track. "So what movie do you want to see? "

Riley went to speak but stopped short, seeming to change what he was about to say. When he spoke, his voice was raspy at first and he cleared his throat. "On second thought, let's just watch a movie here. I guess it is getting kind of late."

Riley scooped up the cards and straightened them into a neat stack, carefully putting them in the box they came in. I got up to move to the chair beside the bed but he stopped me. "You can sit here while we watch movies, you know, I promise I won't bite."

I laughed, agreeing. "Okay. It probably will be more comfortable."

I slid up next to him, grabbing one of the pillows to rest against. We flipped through the movies for purchase on TV and then settled on a political drama we both wanted to see. Riley put the remote on the nightstand and I felt his elbow brush mine as he settled back against the headboard.

When we both ended up annoyed by the inaccuracies in the movie, I found myself laughing. If I closed my eyes, we could be in the dorms at Stanford all over again. Or the apartment we'd lived in here in Georgetown, or our place in San Francisco. The familiarity made my head spin.

Once the movie was over, I kept an eye on him as he headed to the bathroom to brush his teeth and change for the night. When he was done and comfortable again, I got up to leave, but he stopped me.

"Watch another movie with me?" he asked. I was standing beside the bed, and I looked down at his hopeful face. He looked so boyish then, like the guy who'd first kissed me beside the pool in Laguna. I missed that boy.

"Okay." Settling onto the bed beside him again, we picked out another movie. I found myself drifting off halfway through, my eyes growing heavier and heavier. My head lolled to the side, and I felt a warm arm slip around me, gently shifting me so my head was on his shoulder.

"Feels like old times, doesn't it?" he commented softly, and I nodded with heavy eyes. "This is what I missed the most."

"Yeah, me, too." I shifted, getting more comfortable against him, and closed my eyes, just intending to rest them for a moment. I ended up waking long after the movie was over, curled up with my head still on Riley's shoulder, his arms wrapped around me. "Shit, I fell asleep," I muttered, still half out of it.

"It's okay," he said softly. "You feel nice."

He tightened his arms around me and I let myself drift again for a moment, taking in his warmth. My hand was resting on his stomach, my fingers clutching the soft cotton of his T-shirt. "I should go," I rasped.

"Just stay," he whispered, his thumb rubbing against the skin on my arm. His touch was so familiar it made my heart ache and I nodded. I got up, pulled down the covers on the other side of the bed, and slipped under them. He turned out the light on the bedside table and scooted down to get comfortable. I nestled close to him, letting my head rest on his broad chest.

I bit my cheek as he pulled me closer, kissing the top of my head. "I hate being without you, Bella," he said. "I hate every day that you aren't beside me."

I nodded against his chest and tilted my face to look at him. "The months after you left . . . that was probably the hardest time in my life."

"Maybe we made a mistake . . ." He sighed, his lips just inches from mine. "Some days I think I never should have left."

I wasn't sure how to respond verbally but my body moved instinctively towards his. I lifted my head to look at him and shifted to let my lips brush softly against his. He kissed me back for a moment, his lips soft and sweet, reminding me of the first kiss we ever had.

"What are we doing?" I barely whispered against his lips.

He shook his head. "I don't know. I just know how much I missed you, how much I want you."

Sitting up, I turned so I was leaning over the top half of his body. I bent forward to kiss him again and he deepened it by wrapping his hands around me to pull me closer. I threaded my fingers through his short hair, trying to grasp on to him. He tugged at my clothes, pushing the fabric of my shirt up around my breasts, his hands hot as they roamed across my bare back. I sat up quickly and pulled my shirt over my head, tossing it to the floor besides us. Leaning in to him again, I felt the rough rasp of his five o'clock shadow against my jaw as he kissed down my neck, and his hands slid to the front of my body, his fingers skimming the skin along my stomach. His hands continued up my torso to the under swell of my breast and when his thumb grazed my nipple through my bra, I gasped his name.

His touch felt good but something was playing at the back of my mind that wasn't right. I tried to ignore it but as his hands continued to touch me, the feeling grew more and more intense.

Something was wrong; I wanted him to stop.

I pulled back from him and swallowed hard, wondering why all of a sudden everything felt so strange. Riley's touch had always felt right and comforting. Now, it didn't. I didn't understand the tightness in my chest or the sudden urge to push him away. I stared down at him, struggling to understand what was going on. I was reminded of the men I'd brought home from the clubs. How I'd used them to find comfort and closeness when I was alone and hurting. Why did it feel like I was doing the same thing with Riley now?

His hands stilled and he opened his eyes, his gaze searching mine. I scrambled back away from him, my hand flying to my lips as I realized why being with Riley felt so wrong. I reeled for a moment, stunned by the fact it was Edward's hands I wanted touching me, Edward's lips on mine. It was his arms I wanted to take comfort in. Edward was the one I was missing now. Edward had slipped in and replaced Riley in my heart without me ever being aware of it.

"Bella?" Riley said worriedly, struggling to sit up as he reached a hand out to me.

Instinctively, I shied away and he wrinkled his brow, confused. "I'm sorry," I choked out. "I don't know what's going on."

But I did know. It was all rushing in on me, the moments with Edward and the invisible, almost imperceptible ways he'd cracked through the shell around my heart and drawn it out.

I was in love with him.

How long had I been fooling myself into thinking I was still hung up on Riley? How long had I known, somewhere unconsciously, that Riley was no longer the most important person in my life. How long had I lied to myself about my feelings and why? For God's sake, _why _had I put myself through hell when the answer was in front of me all along? Was I just too scared to get hurt again? Was keeping Edward at arm's length a way of keeping safe, protecting my heart?

I stifled a sob and stood up, mumbling an excuse to Riley as I reached for my shirt and hurried into the bathroom. With shaking hands, I closed the door and gasped for air, staggered by the realization I had come to.

I wanted Edward.

Even if Riley and I were able to miraculously find a way to make our relationship work, I didn't want to anymore. Without being aware of it, I had fallen for Edward. He was who I wanted to turn to for comfort and affection. Kissing Riley had been familiar at first, but it was a shadow of an old memory. Nothing like the immediacy of the need I had for Edward. I had let myself get sucked in by the familiarity of being with Riley, but it wasn't what I wanted.

_Jesus, what have I done?_

I felt suddenly sick at the way I had treated Edward, and for how far things had gone with Riley; the guilt making me nauseous. My hands were still shaking when I fumbled for a glass on the counter and filled it, drinking it down in one long gulp. The cold water only made my stomach worse though and I sat down on the edge of the tub, my head between my knees, a cold sweat breaking out over my body as I tried to steady my breathing.

What the fuck was wrong with me? How had I not realized the depth of my feelings for Edward? Why had I clung to Riley instead of allowing Edward in? Why had I run from Edward's love instead of turning to him? I kept replaying the anguished look in his face when I told him I didn't love him. The worst part was that it was a lie. A complete and utter lie. I _was_ in love with Edward.

And I didn't deserve him at all.

When the shaking finally subsided and I was able to pull myself upright, I went back into the bedroom. Riley was sitting up in bed, awake, with the light on. "Bella?" he said worriedly.

I took a seat at the foot of the bed and looked at him for a long moment before I spoke. I wet my lips and took a deep breath, summoning up my courage. "Riley, we need to talk."

* * *

So . . . we know some of you must have been a little worried there when things started getting heated. Are you ready to hear what Bella has to say now that her blinders have been lifted? Tell us what you think!

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	39. Chapter 37 - Healing

Happy Friday, readers. Sorry this is posting a day late. We were set and ready to go but then realized we needed to rethink things. Anyhow, here are the songs we chose for this chapter. "Falling" by The Civil Wars www#youtube#com/watch?v=tkxFA7nzLFg and "So Far Away" by Staind www#youtube#com/watch?v=wPW7T_tu3PM As always, here is the pictease: i42#tinypic#com/2urs16q#jpg We went a little abstract.

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We send our many thanks to LJ Summers and AshesAshes for their magical red pens. There is an additional note about them at the bottom of the chapter but I can't say it here without spoiling. Don't cheat and go read it, you'll just have to wait until the end. After you read, go check out AshesAshes story _Love, Save the Empty_—it's just about complete. LJ has many stories posted in addition to some _published_ works! The most recent is titled _Éire's Captive Moon_ and it's available on Amazon. See how snazzy she is and how lucky we are to have her? Send them some love; they really are awesome to work with.

Disclaimer: _All publicly recognizable characters, settings, etc. are the property of their respective owners. The original characters and plot are the property of the author. The author is in no way associated with the owners, creators, or producers of any media franchise. No copyright infringement is intended._

* * *

**Chapter Thirty-Seven: Healing**

"Talk?" Riley asked, and I nodded.

"Yeah. I . . . We shouldn't have done that, Riley," I said.

He sighed heavily and let his head fall back against the wall. His eyes were closed and I took a moment to just look at him. The strong chin, the full lips, the one eyebrow that was just slightly higher than the other; they were all the same. They belonged to the man I had loved so thoroughly for so long, and yet they didn't look _the same_. He was as handsome as he'd ever been, and yet . . . I didn't _ache _for him as I had before. There was no frantic desire clawing under my skin, no desperate need to be in his arms. The chemistry between us just wasn't the same.

He was different. _I_ was different. And I had been a fool for thinking I could recreate what was already gone.

Riley lifted his head and looked me in the eye. "I know. That was a mistake and I shouldn't have let things get carried away."

"It doesn't feel right anymore," I said and looked down, fidgeting with my hands.

"You're right, we shouldn't have done that," he replied. "But I'm not going to lie and say there wasn't a part of me that wanted it to go further. I really love having you here, holding you in my arms again."

I nodded, all my words suddenly stuck in my throat.

We were both silent for a while, our breathing the only sound as we both struggled over what to say next. Eventually, Riley spoke. "It felt good to pretend like nothing had changed, like we were still together."

"But we're not," I said softly. "We're never going to be. As much time as I've spent the last year wanting you back, wanting more than anything to be back together with you, it doesn't change the fact that things ended between us when you left San Francisco. When you left, that part of our relationship died. I think I'm just now realizing that."

"I-I don't understand. . . ?"

"I've been lost without you. I think for a long time work was the only thing that kept me going. I didn't know what to do with myself when you left and it seemed no matter how I tried, I just felt like I was broken."

"Bella . . . ." he said with concern. "I thought this is what you wanted, what we both decided were best. If I'd known. . . ."

"You would have what? Come back? Given up your dreams for me? That wasn't the answer, Riley, and that's not what I wanted."

"What do you want?" His tone was soft and imploring. Not one of frustration but genuine curiosity.

"That's a loaded question." I took a deep breath and decided to just go for it. I needed to get things out in the open between us and tell him about Edward. "Riley, I've been seeing someone for the past few months."

"And. . . ." he said slowly.

"And it took me being here with you to realize that he's who I want." I shook my head, trying to wrap my brain around things as I processed the words I'd just said. While I knew they were true and felt them with everything in me, saying them aloud—and to Riley of all people—made my head spin.

"I see." Riley took a deep breath and got up to hobble over to look out the window. He leaned against the wall for support and stared out the window for several seconds before speaking again. "So this guy . . ." His words came out gruff so he cleared his throat and tried again. "Does he have a name? Is he a new hire at the firm?"

Recognizing this was hard for him, I chose my words carefully. "No, Edward's a curator. We met a while back at a place just down from my apartment. I wasn't looking for anything when I went out with him. I even told him as much several times."

"But you're seeing him now."

"Yes, he didn't give up when I tried to push him away over and over. He's been there for me in a way that I needed after you left."

Riley turned to look at me and I could see how tense his shoulders and neck were from our conversation. "And now you lo—have feelings for . . . Edward," he prompted.

"I do. Somehow, through it all, he helped me put myself back together. I'm not the same girl I was when you left, but I'm working on being whole again. . . ." My words trailed off at the end when I saw Riley take a deep breath, visibly trying to contain his emotions.

"I got to say, Bella, I'm not really sure how to feel or what to say here." I stood up, intending on going to him but he stopped me with his hand and cut me off before I could speak. "I mean, I understand what you're saying and I can't say I'm mad at him. Hell, you're smart, sexy, and beautiful inside and out. What guy wouldn't be interested in you? I just haven't exactly thought about being in this position, listening to you tell me about another guy you're seeing."

I looked down and nodded in understanding. "I didn't tell you this to make you upset. I just want you to understand why I stopped us earlier. I can't be with you when I have feelings for him."

Riley moved away from the window and came to sit next to me again on the bed. He reached for my hand and pulled it into his lap, running his thumb along my wrist. "Why didn't you tell me you were struggling? When I'd talk to you, you always seemed like things were fine."

"I didn't want you to know," I admitted. "I wanted to be strong for you so you would stay here in D.C. and continue pursuing your dreams."

"Fuck my dreams," he said hoarsely. "None of it matters if I hurt you."

"Please don't do that. Riley, it's okay. I told you to go and I don't regret _that _decision. . . ."

"Bella, I love my job and love being in Washington, but it hasn't been the same. I haven't been the same. To know that you might be feeling what I have been feeling for all these months. . . I just wish things would have played out differently I guess."

"Something I've learned this past year is that we can't control what life throws at us. I thought I'd be spending the rest of my life with you and look where we're at. We're living on opposite sides of the country. It's okay that things happened the way they did. Sure it could have been different, but I look at you here and I can see that you're where you need to be. And since I've met Edward, I know where I need to be."

"So what about when you asked about trying a long-distance relationship?"

I laughed ruefully. "That wasn't exactly my finest moment. I shouldn't have done that and I think I knew it deep down. We'd just been talking and things were so comforting. I didn't want that to end."

"I never meant to string you along," Riley said. "I just . . . hearing your voice sometimes when we'd talk . . . it kept me going when I questioned why I was here. I could pretend like I'd come back from work and find you asleep here in this bed. That we were still together and that you'd come here with me to D.C. I wanted to believe you were still mine."

I swallowed hard, and it took a few minutes before I could compose myself enough to speak again. To hear he'd had lonely nights just like I did caused my heart to ache. Some nights I'd wanted him so badly. "Riley, I know you weren't doing it to be cruel, or to string me along. I never doubted that for a minute. But looking at it now? It made letting go so much harder. And I couldn't tell you to stop because I didn't want you to. I wanted to believe everything was going to be okay, that somehow we'd figure out a way to be together."

"You know, you're right about the fact that once I told you about the job, our future was over," he said.

"Do you ever wonder if maybe we didn't have problems before that though?" I asked. "I mean, you didn't tell me you were unhappy with being a lawyer. You just sprung the job in D.C. on me out of the blue. You should have told me you were looking. If we'd been communicating like we should have, I would have known you weren't happy with your job."

He sighed heavily and nodded. "I know; I should have. I just . . . I wasn't sure _what _I wanted. I wanted you and our life together, but I wanted this political career, too. Maybe I just kept trying to delay the inevitable. Delay having to make the choice to leave. And maybe I knew all along that you wouldn't go with me. You're right though; I should have been able to talk to you about anything, and it wasn't fair that I sprang it on you like that. I'm sorry," he said softly. "I hope you can forgive me."

"I do forgive you and I hope you forgive me, too," I replied.

"Bella, you know I love you, right?" he said, sincerity in his voice.

"I love you, too, Riley. It's just not in the same way as it was before. I love the boy I grew up with, and I love the man I was with for twelve years. I love the memory of what we had together but I'm . . . I'm not _in love with you_ anymore. I—" I hesitated, unsure if I should say the words on the tip of my tongue.

He smiled sadly. "It's okay, you can say it."

I couldn't help the small smile that forced its way across my face and the words that bubbled out. "I'm in love with Edward," I said softly. Saying the words made my heart race, but it felt good. It felt right saying them aloud.

I watched Riley as he stared at the floor near my feet for a long moment. Finally, he took a deep breath, blew it out forcefully, and nodded his head. When his eyes met mine again, he said, "Then what are you doing here?" His tone was a little sad but resolute.

I wondered the same thing. I felt like I'd been to hell and back in the last few days, and now that I realized my feelings for Edward, all I could think about was getting back to San Francisco to try to salvage any sort of relationship that I could with him. "Well you see, someone _very important_ to me was hit by an SUV and I wanted to make sure he was okay," I replied, thankful that the tone of our conversation had lightened.

As the air cleared between us, I could feel the weight of my past lifting from my shoulders. There was so much that hadn't been said between Riley and me but I felt like what really needed to be aired, we'd worked through.

"Bella, you're an amazing woman and Edward is one lucky bastard."

"I don't know that Edward will ever forgive me for the way I treated him, but I'm certainly going to try to fix things between us."

"You can't have done anything that awful," Riley comforted. "I know you, Bella, you're a good person. Sometimes you just need time. You'll be able to work it out and if you don't, well then as trite as it sounds, then it wasn't meant to be."

We sat quietly for a bit, no doubt searching for what to say next. I didn't exactly want to be talking about Edward with Riley, and I couldn't blame him for not wanting to hear it. Suddenly thoughts that had been lingering just under the surface for days came to mind. I didn't even realize it but before I could stop myself, the words just came tumbling out.

"Sometimes I feel like I'm turning into my mother."

Riley turned his head and looked me, an odd expression on his face. "That's not possible, Bella. You're _nothing_ like Renee."

I looked him square in the eyes, a serious expression on my face. "I'm more like her than I ever thought I'd be. I've been so wrapped up in my own problems, lately. I try so hard to do the right thing all the time but I'll admit, I've been completely self-absorbed over the last year."

"Well given the circumstances, I think you have the right to ask for a pass," he said, trying to make light of my concern.

"Riley, I'm serious."

"I know you are. But you've got to let that go. You're aware of it and as long as you tell yourself that you don't want to live your life that way or turn into your mother, I'm confident you won't. You're going to be okay," he reassured me. "And if not, well, it sounds like you have a Charlie of your own to keep you grounded."

His words caught me completely off guard and I turned to him, imploring him to explain. "What do you mean?"

"Just that it sounds like Edward is a lot like your father. Charlie loves Renee very much or he'd have given up on her a long time ago."

"Why do you think he stays with her? You know how she can be."

"Oh, God, I don't know, Bella. They've been together so long. Some things we just can't explain."

"She blamed me for you leaving, you know. Kept telling me that if I'd just tried harder, given up my dreams, I could have had you."

"Jesus," Riley said. "That's awful. My decision to leave to leave San Francisco had nothing to do with you. I mean, it did but not because of things between us. You telling me to go was the push I needed to pursue my career here. I'm not sure I would have gone had you not given me the support you did.

"As far as your parents' relationship goes . . . I don't know. Maybe Charlie is just that loyal. He has to remember what she was like before. I mean, I don't think she was really as bad when we were kids. She was somewhat shallow, but she always seemed like she loved you and your father. She wanted what was best for you."

"I always wonder if it's just that I can see it more clearly now that I'm an adult."

"Maybe. Why are you so worried about your parents' relationship anyway?"

"I guess I look at Renee and my dad as examples. If I pursue a relationship with Edward, is this how we're going to be in twenty years? I look at my dad and I see what a good man he is but then I look at my mother and I think he deserves someone better."

He drew in a long breath and exhaled through his nose. "Bella, you don't know all the ins and outs of your parents' relationship; that's between them. You can't take that upon yourself to fix."

"I'm just scared it won't be enough. No one deserves to be treated like that." I tilted my head back as tears started to form.

I felt him grab my hand, hook his fingers through mine, and tug gently so I'd look at him.

"Hey, you're the strongest woman I know. We aren't going to end up with the life together we thought we would. But don't doubt yourself. If you put even half as much of yourself into trying to change as you put into work, I know you can do it."

"You have a lot of faith in me," I said.

"You need to have more faith in yourself. You can do it, babe." He smiled sadly and gave me a long, wistful look. "I probably shouldn't call you that anymore. I think it's time we let go."

"Yeah," I said. "I think so."

He tugged me into his arms, and hugged me tightly. "I love you, Bella. I always will."

"I love you, too, Riley." I sat back and looked at him for a time, just staring into his blue eyes. I felt like the last of the weight I'd been carrying around had finally been lifted. The sadness I'd been hanging onto since he'd left was gone and it was replaced with ambition to get things back on track. "I think it's time I start figuring out who I am without you."

* * *

Back to San Francisco we go! Whew, have to say, this chapter was a struggle-and-a-half. We had it written and then rewrote it all before sending it to our betas. Then we sent it to them and they shredded it—not really, but yeah really—so we wrote it again. They were totally right so, once again, we are so thankful for their input.

We hope you like it and agree with how things played out. If not, please send all hate mail to LJ Summers and AshesAshes. (Just kidding, that's not nice—don't do that. WE LOVE THEM!)

We'd like to say hello to all the new reviewers that have recently joined us. Thank you for all your kind words. We hope you follow us through the end and enjoy the rest of Bella's journey.

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	40. Chapter 38 - Elation

Greetings, we're sorry this is late. We wanted to get this chapter right and there was just no way of doing that before Thursday. We're in the thick of things right now, and for any of you who write, you know how important it is to get right before you post. Oh the joys of WIP posting—once it's up, it's finalized! No take backs.

The pictease and song are listed at the bottom, and you'll see why. We didn't want to give away any spoilers—even though some of you may have already seen them on Twitter.

We have to give a huge thank you to AshesAshes for going over this chapter with literally only a few hours' time. We sent it to her this morning and she was oh so gracious to do it right away. She also was a huge contributor to helping us make some hard decisions here and we appreciate her collaboration. LJ, we hope you're enjoying your vacay. We miss you! From the African proverb, _It takes a village. . . ._

Disclaimer: _All publicly recognizable characters, settings, etc. are the property of their respective owners. The original characters and plot are the property of the author. The author is in no way associated with the owners, creators, or producers of any media franchise. No copyright infringement is intended._

* * *

**Chapter Thirty- Eight: Elation**

After Riley and I finished our talk, I returned to my room feeling emotionally exhausted. All I wanted to do was crawl into bed, but I was anxious to get home. On my way out of Riley's room, I grabbed his laptop to book my ticket back to San Francisco. As soon as I was alone, I started to look.

I searched for the earliest flight I could find that would allow me time to get Riley settled in the morning. His parents were arriving later the same day, and he assured me he'd be fine on his own for the few hours by himself. Still, I wanted to make sure he had everything he needed before I left. Ideally, I wanted to catch the red-eye out tonight so I could be at the museum by the time Edward arrived at work, but I just couldn't leave Riley hanging like that. I'd promised Amanda I would take care of him until their parents arrived, and I intended on keeping that promise. I settled for the 9:43 out of Reagan National instead.

After confirming my flight, I plugged in my phone to charge and took a quick shower. If I was going to get to the airport in time to catch my plane, I needed to be ready to leave by seven a.m. I set my alarm and a notification to call for a cab in the morning. I also sent Vanessa a quick text to let her know I'd be coming home tomorrow. I hadn't talked to her since I'd left for Napa and I wondered how she was doing.

By the time I made it into bed, it was nearly one in the morning. My eyes were heavy with exhaustion by the time my head hit the pillow. I closed them, feeling the sting of a long day finally ending. I tried to get comfortable but no position really felt right. As the minutes ticked bye, I grew more and more irritated. The bed I'd slept in the entire week without issue now felt lumpy and hard. I was stuck in a cycle of too hot, too cold, causing me to toss the comforter on and off my body. The lights from the city, glowing through the window, now shone too bright, and the clock on the wall seemed obnoxiously loud—_tick, tick, tick,_ each one ringing out like a siren in the silent room. Trying to drown out the noise, I placed a pillow over my head but then felt suffocated. I finally tossed the pillow across the room and let out a huff. _I need to sleep!_

The longer I lay there, the more my mind began to work overtime. Hoping to distract myself, I forced my mind to focus on Edward. He always wore that old-fashioned pocket watch, and if I listened close enough, it sounded similar to the clock on the wall, running slow and steady. I remember the first time Edward showed me his watch was when we went to The Greens for lunch and I found it endearing.

I thought of various memories Edward and I had shared—the sunny day on the rooftop, getting lost at the movie theater, even our paddleboat ride at the company picnic. Memory after memory all pointed to what a wonderful guy Edward was and how stupid I'd been to lose him. Riley had been my only concern for so long, I totally missed the fact that I had fallen in love with Edward. Now that I'd finally let Riley go, and knew with 100% certainty that I loved Edward, I wanted to tell everyone. Most importantly, I wanted to tell Edward. I wanted to confess my love right then and there, but I knew a phone call would never do. I needed to look him in the eyes as I said the words.

I wondered where he was right now and what he was doing. I hadn't heard a word from him since his text several days ago and the absence made my stomach clench in knots. Was he really never going to talk to me again, was he out with someone else, was he at Leah's bar?

I turned over in bed and looked the clock. Though it seemed like I had been laying there for hours, only an hour and a half had gone by. My mind was no less tired now than it was when I first laid down, so I decided just to get up. I turned on the lamp on the bedside table and reached for my cell phone, noticing I my notification light was flashing. There was a text from Vanessa saying we needed to catch up, and to call her when I got in. I sent her a quick reply and then put my phone back on the nightstand.

My suitcase was sitting in the corner so I figured I might as well get my things packed. Trying to be as quiet as possible, I went to work refolding and packing up my things. I paused briefly when I came across the shirt Edward had left behind in Napa. Clutching it in between my fingers, I brought it up to my nose and inhaled, letting his scent wash over me. _"A few more hours. Tomorrow I'll see Edward and I'll make everything right,"_ I thought to myself. I knew I was being optimistic, but staying positive was all I had left. If Edward gave me another chance, the road ahead would be difficult, but I was to do whatever it took to make things work.

Aching to feel some sort of connection with him, I stripped out of my T-shirt and put his dress shirt on. As soon as the cotton wrapped around me, I felt marginally better. I tucked my other shirt in my suitcase, set out a change of clothes to wear home, and grabbed everything I didn't need to get ready from the bathroom. By the time I was done, I was feeling a little bit more tired so I tried to sleep again. After checking my alarm one more time, I laid my head down and closed my eyes. Once again, the sound of the clock captured my attention, but rather than annoying me, the tick of the second hand became soothing, lulling me to sleep. The last thing I remembered before drifting off to sleep was Edward's face.

**~LTOYL~**

The alarm blared from the nightstand, startling me awake. Once I'd finally fallen asleep, I crashed hard. I shut off my alarm and looked through my notifications. There was a flight confirmation in my inbox, my taxi reminder, and a calendar notice that the Harcourt case Alec was heading up would be going to trial in in exactly a month from today.

Vanessa was tracking Alec's work calendar and even had his assistant give her a copy of his court dates. His assistant didn't like him much more than we did, and she was happy to provide Ness with any information she needed. I made a note on my calendar of when his case was going to trial so I could be sure to follow up on the verdict.

Before getting out of bed, I looked up the number for a cab company and called to schedule a pick up at seven o'clock. I dressed and put the remainder of my things in my suitcase after changing the sheets on the bed. Riley's parents would be staying in my same room once they arrived, and I wanted to have things ready for them. The water was running in Riley's room, so I assumed he was in the shower. Heading down to the kitchen, I figured I'd get his medications ready and make a pot of coffee. I turned on the CNN and put two slices of wheat bread in the toaster after getting the coffee going. I'd wait to start them toasting until Riley was ready. Next, I brought my bags out and placed them by the front door. All I had left to do was get him settled and I'd be on my way.

Once the coffee finished brewing, I poured a cup and sat down at the eating bar to watch some of the news. Because I was in D.C., there wasn't any San Francisco local news stories and I found myself feeling very disconnected after being here for a week. Nation-wide and globally, I knew exactly what was going on. We were in full-scale election mode with voting day just around the corner. Every morning like clockwork, Riley would review the latest poles; I could tell he was anxious to get back to work.

Suddenly, a light bulb went off in my head. It's an _election_ year. I hadn't thought about it before, but everything that meant for Riley, finally dawned on me. No doubt, he had been swamped since he'd taken the job in the _senator's office_. Why had it taken me so long to put two and two together? Of course he was working long hours and had little to no time for a relationship. God, I felt so stupid. Not because I was rethinking everything with Riley, or thought that once the election was over we'd have a better chance of making things work, but because I'd been so consumed with my grief that I'd never even considered it as a factor before now. Clearly, self-absorbance had reached a completely new level. I needed to change, starting today.

Riley's phone started to ring on the counter in the kitchen. It was just after 6:30 in the morning and I couldn't imagine who was calling. It wasn't his cell phone but the land line, so it wasn't likely to be his parents and it would be too early for Amanda to be calling. Riley still hadn't come out of the bathroom upstairs but the water had stopped so I assumed he was out of the shower. I wasn't sure if I should answer it or not; it hadn't rang the entire week I was here. I heard the bedroom door open and Riley called out my name. "Bella?"

"Yeah, in the kitchen," I replied.

"Can you grab the phone? It's probably my office."

"Sure," I responded and got up to answer the phone. I reached it just as the answering machine was picking up. "Hello?"

The line was silent for a moment, and then I heard a throat clear. "Um, hi. . . . I'm sorry, I must have the wrong number. I'm sorry for calling so early; I hope I didn't wake you." It was a female voice and she sounded concerned and slightly embarrassed.

"No, you're fine—we were up actually. Are you calling for Riley?"

Again, the line was silent for a moment before she spoke up. "Yes, actually, I am, but maybe this isn't a good time. Um . . . yeah."

"Well, he just got out of the shower but I can leave him a message if you'd like." Just then, it occurred to me this woman had no idea who I was and she hadn't introduced herself either. "Can I get your name?"

"Charlotte."

"Hi, Charlotte, I'm Bella. I'll let Riley know you called. Do you want me to leave a message? Does he have your number?"

"Wait, this is _Bella_?" she questioned. ?" Her tone sounded surprised as if she knew me from somewhere.

I wrinkled my brow, not really sure what her reaction meant. "Yes, my name's Isabella Swan. Do I know you?"

"No, but I've heard a lot about you. Anyway—um, I'll just talk to Riley later. Thanks." With that, she hung up the line and the phone went dead. I stood there confused, replaying our brief conversation in my mind.

"Who was it?" Riley asked. His voice startled me when he called out from atop the stairs, and I gasped, clutching my hand to my chest. I turned around and saw him standing at the top step a crutch under each arm. He was dressed, had his hair combed, and was clean-shaven.

"Jesus, you startled me," I commented, shaking my head. He moved to attempt the first step and I rushed to stop him. "Wait, let me help you."

He rolled his eyes and waited until I reached him. I stood in front of him as he took each step gingerly, bracing myself should he slip and come stumbling forward. "You know, Bella, if I fell, there's nothing you could do to stop me. You'd just end up getting hurt."

"Just hush and let me help you." I laughed. "It makes me feel better at the very least."

"Yes, boss. So are you going to tell me who was on the phone or are we going to play twenty questions?"

Once we reached the bottom step, I left him and went back into the kitchen to start the toaster. "Charlotte," I said casually. When he didn't respond, I turned around and looked at him. He was staring over at the phone on the counter with an awkward expression on his face. "She didn't say much just that she'd talk to you later. I assume that means you have her number?"

He glanced at me briefly. "Yeah," he muttered. As if snapping out of his daze he hobbled over to the kitchen and took a seat at the eating bar. I handed him his pills and a glass of water before muting the television with the remote. "Thanks. So, are you all ready? What time is your flight?"

"I fly out at 9:45. My cab should be here soon. I want to get there early so I can check my bags and such."

He nodded, and I handed him cup of coffee, topping off my own. "I'd offer to drive you but—"

I waved him off. "Don't be silly. I'm all taken care of. You just worry about not hurting yourself while you wait for your parents." A silence fell between us, and I wondered about the woman who called earlier. Who was Charlotte and why had she sounded so uncomfortable while we were on the phone? It became clear that Riley wasn't going to bring her up so I mentioned it again. I didn't want to leave with anything weird between us and I was running out of time. "So . . . who's Charlotte?"

Riley's eyes snapped to mine again; I could swear I saw his cheeks flush pink. He opened his mouth a few times to speak but no sound came out. He was struggling to choose his words carefully, and I gave him a moment to think by retrieving the toast from the toaster. I buttered it lightly, handed it to him, and waited.

"Charlotte is a co-worker—sorta. She works for another senator here, and we do a lot of political functions and fundraisers together."

"That's nice. She sounded . . . nice," I said awkwardly.

"Yeah." He cleared his throat and scratched his neck. "Hey, sorry about that. I didn't know she was going to call. The only people who usually call me on that line and this early are from my office—Washington never sleeps. She's been out of state on a relations tour and must have just gotten back to town."

I thought carefully as I sipped my coffee. "She said she knows a lot about me." Riley looked at me and smiled, and I laughed lightly in return. This game of being coy and dancing around the topic of _Charlotte_ was ridiculous. "Okay, let's cut to the chase. You like her. I can see it written on your face. It's okay. After all, I told you about Edward."

"Yeah, but—"

"No, listen," I cut him off. "Riley, I want you to be happy. That's what matters to me. If this woman, Charlotte, makes you happy or you're the slightest bit interested in her, don't let me stand in your way." I leaned back against the counter. "I'm sure she's wondering what I'm doing here and why I answered your phone at 6:30 in the morning. Once I leave, you should call her back and straighten things out. She sounded a little surprised."

He blew a deep breath of air out of his mouth and dropped his head to the counter. At first, I thought he was upset so I walked around to his side. That's when I noticed his shoulders were shaking. He lifted his head up and looked at me, laughter on his face. "My God, she's going to kill me. She probably thinks you flew in and we got back together." He laughed again and I sat down next to him, kind of unsure how to take his comment. "Bella, I'm sorry, you're right. We're adults and we can talk about this. Like I said, Charlotte and I work together. I guess you could say I have a crush on her but _nothing _has happened. I just wasn't sure how to discuss it with you."

"It's fine, really. I mean, yeah, I don't want to talk about Charlotte any more than you want to hear about Edward, but it's okay. You and I are in the past over, and we're both starting our lives again. Besides, we've always been friends, right?"

"You're the best, Bella. I'm really going to miss you," he said and took me into a big hug. I wrapped my arms around him and squeezed him tightly.

"I love you, Ri. Promise me we'll stay in touch, okay?"

He released me with a nod, and I heard my cell phone ringing from my purse on the table next to the entry. I quickly got up and answered it. It was just the taxi driver, telling me he was downstairs. I thanked him and told him I'd be right down.

While I was on the phone, Riley had gotten up off the barstool and made it over to me by the door. I ended my call, put my phone in my back pocket, and started to gather up my things. "So this is it, I've got to get going. My room is clean and ready for your parents. They should be here only a few hours after I leave. I'll be at the airport until 9:45, so if you need something give me a call and I'll try—"

It was his turn to cut me off. "Bella, I've got this. Everything will be fine. Thank you so much for coming; I don't know what I would have done without you."

His words went straight to my heart, and suddenly, my throat was thick with emotion. In less than a minute, I'd be walking out of his door and probably out of his life. We'd promised to stay friends, but things would never be the same between us. This was it, our final goodbye. A huge chapter of my life was ending—my childhood, my first love, and my first heartbreak. I was excited about the possibilities that lay before me, and I was glad to have made the memories I had with Riley. Now it was time to move forward.

"Thank you," I whispered.

Giving him a final hug goodbye, I opened the door and closed it after me, leaving D.C, Riley, and my old self behind.

* * *

As promised, here is the pictease. This is our inspiration for Charlotte.  i44#tinypic#com/hsvvas#jpg Tell us, is this who you had in mind?

The song for this chapter is titled, "Sometimes It Hurts" by Stabbing Westward. It is the inspired the story as a whole and Bella's character. Please give it a listen and let us know if you think we were able to capture the feeling and emotion of the song. It's a little dark and angsty, but at the heart of it there is a story of a broken soul trying to find their way.  www#youtube#com/watch?v=P2oFtzaj4D8

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	41. Chapter 39 - Groveling

Surprise, we're posting early. Last chapter ended where we wanted it to, because we felt like Bella closing the door on the previous chapter of her life was pretty significant. She let go of her past and can now focus on Edward...so can all of you. So for all of you who didn't agree with it, yes, we understand your frustration but there was a reason. Enjoy the next chapter and we'll see you at the bottom.

The song for this chapter is titled 'Madness" by Muse  www#youtube#com/watch?v=Ek0SgwWmF9w and here is the pictease:  farm4#static#flickr#com/3635/3399701566_ae24b90c74 #jpg

Many thanks to our fabulous betas. Jakeward and AshesAshes make our words pretty and keep us in line when things get a little crazy. LJ Summers will be back, she's just a little tied up-don't worry, we'll untie her next chapter. ;)

Disclaimer: _All publicly recognizable characters, settings, etc. are the property of their respective owners. The original characters and plot are the property of the author. The author is in no way associated with the owners, creators, or producers of any media franchise. No copyright infringement is intended._

* * *

**Chapter Thirty-Nine: Groveling**

The cab ride to the airport, getting checked in for my flight, and making it through security kept my mind occupied for the next two and a half hours. It wasn't until I was in my seat and waiting for the plane to take off, that my thoughts turned to Edward and how I should approach him. I didn't even know where to start.

I mulled over various ideas. For the briefest second, I thought about showing up at his place and surprising him by being naked in his bed, but I immediately rejected the thought. Even if I'd been able to get into his place, appealing to his sexual side seemed callous. Although our relationship had begun with sex, I wanted _more_. Open, honest communication was the only way we would ever be able to make it.

I considered other ideas—texting, calling—but ultimately, I decided to just go to the museum and see what happened once we were face-to-face. It was risky; he might turn me away. Honestly, I was afraid if that happened, I'd never see him again. I was more than willing to do whatever it took to prove that I sincerely regretted the way I'd treated him, and that I was committed to working hard to make a relationship work.

_What if I'm too late? What if I've already lost my chance with Edward?_ It was nearly impossible to keep my doubts at bay.

Nothing but Edward consumed my mind as the flight jetted toward Detroit for my brief layover. What could I say that could convey how truly sorry I was? I'd apologized dozens of times, and at this point, an apology would mean little. I navigated Detroit Metro to my next gate and checked in with the attendant. They informed me we'd be departing as scheduled, so I quickly phoned Eli to make arrangements for pickup once I was back in San Francisco. He told me not to worry, that he'd be there waiting when I arrived.

I sat impatiently for the next thirty minutes still trying to figure out what exactly I'd say once I was with Edward. The words were a tangled mess inside my head. As my plane boarded, then crossed the rest of the way across the U.S., I was still no closer to knowing how I was going to do this.

After collecting my bags from the baggage carousel, I made my way out to the curb. As promised, Eli was right there waiting for me as soon as I arrived. He greeted me with a smile and a hug before placing my bags in the trunk. Once we were both settled in the car, he asked me, "Where to." Although I knew I'd eventually need to go to the office, I told him to take me straight to the museum.

When Eli pulled up out front, I thanked him and got out. He said he'd take my bags to my apartment and drop them off so I didn't have to worry or lug them around with me. I quickly dug through my bag for my wallet and pulled out my member card before rushing inside. Anxiety filled me as I asked the young woman at the information desk for the office of museum curation and she pointed me in the right direction. I could have called Edward and asked him to meet me in the lobby, but a part of me was afraid he wouldn't answer. I found the staff offices easily and ventured down a long white hallway, surprisingly plain and bland for an art museum. Once I reached his office door, I paused and took a deep breath before knocking. When there was no answer, I tried again.

An older woman was walking down the hallway and stopped when she saw me. "Can I help you, dear?" she asked in a curious tone.

"Yes, I'm looking for Edward Cullen," I said, my mouth dry.

"He's not in his office at the moment, may I take a message? I'm his assistant." She smiled kindly at me.

"Do you know when he'll be back? It's important that I see him."

"Do you have an appointment?"

"No, It's regarding a personal matter. I'm . . ." My voice trailed off. _God, what was I to him? His girlfriend? Ex-girlfriend?_ I thought. "I'm Bella Swan."

"Oh, all right, well you can leave your number with me; I'll have him call you when he gets in."

"No—if he'll be back this afternoon, I'd rather wait if you don't mind." I really didn't want to leave.

"He's actually out with a tour right now. If you'd like, I can tell you where he might be and you could possibly join them."

Relieved at her suggestion, I exhaled the breath I didn't realize I was holding. "Thank you. That would be great."

"All right, you're going to go back the way you came until you get to the lobby and take the elevators up to two floors. You'll see the collection galleries, which they should be wandering through right about now. There will be a guard on duty just outside of the collection, and he'll be able to let you know where the tour is exactly. Just tell him Shelly sent you."

My heart was pounding in my chest; I'd get to see him soon. Thanking her profusely, I made my way back to the lobby and to the second floor. There was a guard posted at the entrance, just as she said. I told him Shelly sent me and that I was looking for Edward.

He nodded in understanding. "Sure thing, miss, they're still in the collections. They should be a little over halfway through, so why don't you go through the exit here" —He pointed at the door to my right— "and you should be able to meet up with them."

"Thank you."

He smiled at me and waved me on.

I quickly walked past him, through the exit, and through the collection. I stopped in the doorway of one of the rooms when I saw him, and took a deep breath, trying to steady myself. Edward looked exhausted and worn, but he had a friendly smile on his face. He was clearly working hard to pretend as if he was okay, but I could see that he wasn't. There was tightness around his eyes, and weariness to his gaze. I hated that I had put that there.

After explaining a particular piece, he herded the group along to the next without really looking up at all. When he glanced in my direction, our eyes finally connected. He went white and his steps faltered for a moment, nearly colliding with a young boy who was following too closely. Afraid of his reaction, I gave him a timid smile but he did nothing in response. My heart was in my throat as he hesitated, waiting for him to do something. Instead, he turned back to his group and continued the tour. He was clearly busy and had no interest in speaking to me.

I took a seat on a bench near the exit and waited, hoping he'd be willing to talk once the tour was over. I could still see him from where I was sitting and listened as closely as I could from my distance, listening to the rise and fall of his voice as he gave his lecture. Occasionally, I would catch him stealing a glance in my direction, but for the most part, he ignored me. He focused on the group and his material, entertaining them just as he did the night of the Stein exhibition. The only difference was the spark and normal vibrancy he radiated was missing. He clearly conveyed his knowledge of each piece but it was muted and dim.

Just as Shelly predicted, it was another thirty minutes before the tour wrapped up, and the group dispersed. Edward, however, retained his distance from me. He just stood there staring in my direction; anger, tension, and resentment all flashed across his face before being replaced with a blank mask. I couldn't quite get a read on him. He didn't make a move toward me, even when I stood up. I waited by the bench, not wanting to crowd him, hoping he'd be willing to come to me so we could talk. Eventually, he released a breath and walked towards me, though slowly, with wariness in his eyes.

"Hi," I rasped, forcing the words past my frozen lips.

"What are you doing here, Bella?" His voice was cool and detached, and I swallowed hard, knowing that everything was resting on this moment.

"I know I owe you an explanation; you're probably hurt and furious with me," I said quietly. "What I really want to say will take a while, but do you at least have a few minutes to talk?"

His lips tightened for a moment before he nodded hesitantly. "We can talk in my office. Follow me." With that, he brushed past me and walked away.

I quickly followed behind him and we walked in silence; it was excruciating. Shelly greeted us with a smile when we walked by what I assumed was her desk, but then her eyes flicked between our tense bodies and it quickly faltered. Edward nodded at her and proceeded into his office. I went to close the door behind us, but he stopped me, his voice so cold and detached, it sent a shiver down my spine. "Leave it open."

I paused, taken aback by his request, but did as he said. He took a seat at his desk and stared at me—his hands bridged in front of him. I waited for him to speak, my nerves building, but he was silent. Trying to think of how to start things between us, I looked around his office. I'd never been in here before in all the months we'd been dating, and I realized Edward hadn't ever seen mine, either. I wanted that to change. I wanted him to become a part of my life, not just a person in it. As I looked around, I saw his various achievements and acknowledgements mounted on the wall, in addition to shelves and shelves of books, photographs, art pieces, and a signed baseball sitting next to an old mitt. _Edward liked Baseball?_ I scrunched my brow, thinking; there was so much I didn't know about him.

Turning my gaze back to his desk, I noticed a glass bowl full of corks sitting just off to the side. There was also one cork sitting on the desk, next to a pen. The letters were smeared and the edges looked worn, as if it were a lot older than the others in the bowl. When I looked closer, I realized it was from one of the wineries we'd visited in Napa. My heart skipped a beat and my mouth went dry as I pieced together their significance. He'd been collecting them on our trip; that's what I saw him doing all those times but paid no further attention to. My chest ached at his sentiment. I also wondered what happened to all of the wine we'd bought. In the chaos of everything that was going on, I realized I'd completely forgotten about so much.

I opened my mouth to say something, anything to get the conversation flowing but my words fell short. Finally, I just blurted out the first thought I could force from my lips. "I went to D.C. to see Riley."

Anger flashed across his face and he leaned heavily back against his chair, his hands curling around the edge of the armrests. "I see," he said shortly.

"I had to go," I quickly elaborated. "The call in Napa was from his sister telling me he'd been in an accident and was unconscious. I . . . I didn't know if he was dead or alive."

"And?"

"And he was conscious by the time I got there. Pretty bruised and cut up; he had to have surgery to put pins in his leg—it was badly broken—but he's going to be okay."

Edward nodded once. "And then you stayed there for the week."

"Yes. His sister had to come back here to SF and his parents were in Alaska; I was the only person he could turn to. It was good though, Edward. I did a lot of thinking while I was there."

"I see," he repeated. "Look, Bella, I don't need any explanations from you. You're free to do whatever you want." His fingers were white where he'd been gripping the arms of the chair.

"Yes, Edward, I do. I need to explain things and you need to know what happened in D.C."

"Okay, fine. . . ." he said. His tone was slightly flippant, but I couldn't say I blamed him. He had every right to be upset with me. "What happened in D.C.?"

I swallowed hard, my heartbeat picking up. I was about to tell Edward how I felt and I was scared to death of his reaction. He had said he was in love with me in Napa, but was it just driven by the heat of the moment? Did he really mean the words? I summoned my courage and decided to take a leap of faith. Even if he didn't feel the way he said now, I still did and I had to tell him. If nothing else, he'd know how I felt. "I realized something when I was there. I'm in love and I should have realized it all along."

I spoke softly but the words seemed thunderously loud in the silent room. They hung in the air and seemed to linger. Edward's face was still as stone, his jaw set. "Why are you telling me this? I don't need to hear this," he said. He stared at his desk, his eyes fixed on the wine cork in front of him. He moved his hand slightly and grasped it in his palm, squeezing tightly. I wondered what was going through his mind, and it occurred to me that he must have done this motion before, causing the cork to look so worn.

"Edward? Look at me, please," I pleaded. His eyes met mine, and although they were dry, the pain I saw in them was unbearable. I got out of my chair and went around the desk to his side. He stiffened when I touched his cheek but I continued. "With _you_, Edward. I'm in love with you."

He sat motionless and I'd wondered if he heard me. When he still hadn't said anything after thirty seconds, my heart sank, realizing that I must have been too late. My revelation didn't matter to him. I took a step back and looked down at the floor. When he finally spoke, I barely heard it over the pounding of my heart.

"I hoped. I hoped so hard that you felt it, too. That you would allow yourself to see and feel what was between us." I turned my gaze to his face and saw him staring at the desk in front of him again. He looked as if he was in a daze.

"I wish it hadn't taken me so long. Edward, I love you and I'm so sorry that I hurt you." My voice was thick as I struggled to convey my sincerity.

Edward's lips thinned and he took a deep breath. "Tell me more about D.C. Did anything happen between you two?"

"No-" I started but quickly stopped. Saying no was a lie and I wanted to be completely honest. "Yes . . . I kissed him." Admitting the words was hard but Edward needed to know everything. I sat back on the edge of his desk.

"Fuck" He leaned back in his chair, not meeting my eyes, the hurt and betrayal written clearly across his face.

"Edward, please understand. When I was with him, it didn't feel right. It made me realize I had moved on without even knowing it. All I wanted was _you_."

"Bella. . . fuck," he repeated. He pushed his chair back and stood up, quickly moving around to the other side of the desk. His hands were in his hair and his body was visibly tense. "So I'm just supposed to feel better because you were thinking about me when you were kissing someone else? It makes it all right because you _finally_ got your head on straight?" Edward asked bitterly as he paced back and forth.

I got up and moved around the desk, trying to face him head on. "I'm not trying to justify it or excuse it, Edward. I'm trying to—"

"What, Bella? You're trying to what?" He squeezed his eyes shut, as if blocking out the images of Riley and me in his mind. "I just can't stand the thought of you with someone else. He had _twelve years_ with you. I've known you for a matter of months. And as much as I try to be rational and reasonable about it, it drives me crazy that he's had _all_ of you. He knows things about you that I will _never_ know. You've opened up to him _completely_, without hesitation. You spent the time we were together, wanting me to be him. That's hard to deal with."

His voice was clipped and his coldness was worse than if he'd shouted at me. I could see his clenched jaw and the tension as his whole body radiated anger. I hurried to reassure him, trying to diffuse the situation. "I know. Look, Edward, I promise you, nothing else happened between Riley and me. We kissed and then I stopped things. I'm not here to say I'm sorry again. I've told you that over and over, and I know at this point, those words mean nothing to you. _But I do mean them._

"I know I can't take back the last few months with you or change how things ended between us in Napa. But I want you to know how much you mean to me. I've done a lot of thinking, and although I know you've already given me too many chances, I desperately hope you'll give me just one more. I want to prove to you that I've changed," I pleaded.

He shook his head. "What makes this time any different than all of the others? What happens when something sets you off and you change your mind like you've already done over and over? Maybe it's just better if we go our separate ways."

My chest tightened and tears sprang to my eyes. "Edward, please. I understand why you feel that way. I've made so many mistakes; I don't deserve another chance; I know that but it doesn't stop me from wanting one. I want to prove to you that I mean it this time. I will do whatever it takes to make you understand. Whatever you need from me, I'll do."

He stared at me for a long moment, his gaze piercing mine. His expression was set and unwavering. I wondered what was going through is mind and prayed that somehow, some way, he'd find it in his heart to let me try. Slowly, his features softened a little and he sighed but nodded his head in agreement.

"I know we have a lot to talk about," I said quietly, trying to fight back my elation at the fact that he was willing to at least talk. "I should have told you more about my past long before this, and I think if there's any chance of repairing the damage I did to our relationship, I need to be completely open with you about everything from now on."

"I agree."

"Can I see you after you get off work? I'm going to stop by the office and check in with Charlie, but that shouldn't take long. I'll make us dinner and we can continue this. Just—please, tell me you'll come," I asked hopefully.

His brow wrinkled. "I can't. I already have dinner planned with my family. I can't cancel, and to be honest, I don't want to."

As soon as I heard the words, the hope in me deflated a little. "Okay. . . ." I swallowed hard, trying to hide my disappointment. "I understand."

"Why don't I come over after dinner?" he offered. "Dinner is at six; I could probably make it to your place by eight thirty or nine."

"I'd like that," I said honestly. "No matter what time it is, I'll be waiting."

"I'm not promising anything, Bella."

"At this point, that's all I can ask for." I reached for his hand, giving it a squeeze. "Edward, I know how badly I hurt you. Just give me a chance to make things right."

Edward nodded and I smiled. We still had a long way to go, but we'd managed to take the first step.

**~LTOYL~**

After saying goodbye to Edward, I caught a cab outside of the museum and headed for Swan and Volturi. I stared at the streets of San Francisco and thought about my conversation with Edward. He had agreed to meet, which meant he was willing to hear me out. Now I just had to make sure I didn't mess it up again, and I was determined to not let that happen. As the cab pulled up to the firm, I gathered my things and straightened my clothes. I was dressed casually—not actually intending to work—and I doubted anyone besides Ness and Charlie had seen me outside of the office dressed in jeans. I headed immediately in for the elevators and up to my floor to check in with Bree. She greeted me with a warm smile.

"Welcome back, Bella! We didn't expect to see you until Monday."

"Thanks, I caught an early flight. I just wanted to pop in and go over a few things with Charlie—thus the reason for my clothes." I indicated how I was dressed and she laughed.

"You know, even you deserve a vacation every now and again. Did you have a nice trip to Napa?" she asked.

I smiled and nodded to her, though wondered if she knew I'd also gone to D.C. I assumed that Charlie hadn't told the office what had happened with Riley, but had he told anyone that the reason I'd extended my absence was because I'd flown across the country? It really wasn't anyone's business, even though everyone at the firm knew Riley. I decided to just keep it to myself unless it was brought up. "Napa was beautiful, thank you." I leaned in to speak quietly. "Now, how did Lauren manage while I was gone?"

She grinned. "Between your father and me, I think we managed to keep things under control. He's in his office if you'd like to see him. I know he'll be happy to see you."

"Sounds good. Thank you so much, Bree."

"Any time, Miss Swan."

Charlie's office door was half-open, so I knocked on it and peered inside. His distantly polite expression melted into one of pleased surprise when he saw me. "You're home. Come on in."

I smiled at my father and stepped in his office, shutting the door behind me. "Do you have a little time to talk?"

"For you? Always." Charlie held out his arms and I hugged him, taking a moment to relax in his strong and comforting embrace. His hugs always made me feel better. "How's Riley?"

"Riley's good," I said when I stepped back. We headed over to the couch along the far wall and took a seat. "His parents should be there by now, and he's still recovering. He'll have to deal with the cast and crutches for a while, and then physical therapy, but he's going to be all right. It was really good to see him."

Charlie gave me a concerned look. "Do . . . do you want to talk about it? You sounded pretty conflicted when we spoke on the phone."

I sighed and looked down at my lap, tucking my legs up underneath me. "Well, being with Riley was a lot different than I thought it would be. I didn't know what to expect when I got there and I was nervous about seeing him again. Over the week, Riley and I reconnected and were able to get some things straightened out. I'm glad I went; we both needed it, I think. Neither of us had really let go of each other like we needed to."

"Have you done that now?"

"Yes," I answered sincerely. "I've moved on and now all I want is for him to be happy. I realized how much I care about Edward, and how close I am to losing him. He's where my heart lies now, and I want to make things work with him. But I really hurt him when we were in Napa."

Charlie pursed his lips and nodded but didn't comment, allowing me to continue.

"It's going to take a lot of work to regain his trust," I admitted. "I stopped by the museum to see him before I came here. He agreed to meet me tonight to talk, but I'm scared that the damage I've done is irreparable."

Charlie patted my knee. "Edward's good for you, kid. You'll find a way to work it out if things are meant to be."

I sighed. If only I were as good for Edward. I blinked back tears, trying to control my emotions. Crying wasn't going to get Edward back; I had to be strong now. And it reminded me of the questions I had about my parents' relationship. "Can I ask you a question, Dad?"

"Of course," he said, sitting back against the leather armrest.

"I know you must love Renee, but I think we both know she's changed a lot since I was a kid." I hesitated, not exactly sure how he was going to take my question. I knew I could talk to my father about anything, but when it came to the relationship he had with my mother, I wasn't so sure how far I should go. Treading lightly, I asked the question that had been on my mind for days. "The two of you are such different people … I can't help but wonder why you're still together."

I looked at him with soft eyes, hoping he would see my genuine curiosity instead of disrespect. My father sighed heavily and brought his hand up to rub his chin. "It's . . . complicated, Bella. Yes, your mother has changed, and I sometimes have issues with the things she does. But as far as our relationship, that's not something I can really explain. It's between your mother and me. I love her and she loves me. It's as simple as that."

I nodded my head in understanding. I was a little disappointed that there wasn't more he had to say about it, but I did understand and respect his answer. He had always been a very private person when it came to his affection. I felt his love and saw it first hand, but on a deeper level, it was between us, just like I suppose his relationship was with Renee.

"Why did you want to know?"

"I don't know. I guess because there are many similarities in the way I've been acting, especially towards Edward, that remind me of Renee. And if I'm honest, that scares me."

He nodded, I hoped in understanding and not agreement. "I know you've been struggling this past year, Bella, and I wish there was more I could have done to make it easier on you, but you're really nothing like your mother. You share her good qualities—the qualities that made me fall in love with her, but you're your own person."

"Thanks, Dad."

"If it helps, I have faith that you can be the woman you want to be—for yourself _and_ for Edward."

"I'm trying," I said, my voice quiet. "I'm just sorry I didn't figure it all out sooner."

He patted my knee again and we spent a while catching up on what I'd missed in the last week. Things were under control, of course; my father had made sure of that, but I was ready to pick back up first thing Monday morning. Once we finished talking, I went to my office to check in and talked briefly to Lauren. I had no idea if it was Bree or my father who had helped her, but everything seemed quite organized. The following week would be busy with appointments that had been re-scheduled, but it was all manageable.

Before I left, I went in search of Vanessa. Her office door was closed, but when I knocked, she called out for me to come in.

"Bella! I didn't expect to see you today," she said happily when I walked in the door. "Come in, come in."

I shut the door and she came around the desk, hugging me before gesturing for me to sit. Her expression grew more serious. "Charlie said Riley was in a car accident. What the hell happened? And how did you end up in D.C. with him when you started out in Napa with Edward?" I set my purse on her desk and turned to face her. I went through a brief explanation of the accident, and what the doctor's had said. "Well, I'm glad he's going to be okay," she replied when I was done. "I should send him an email or something to wish him well—if you're okay with that. I haven't really kept in contact with him since he left; I was afraid it would be too awkward or inappropriate but I do consider him a friend."

"Definitely," I replied easily. "I'm sure he'd like to hear from you."

She gave me an appraising look. "You seem . . . different. And the way you're talking about Riley seems different, too."

I chuckled, unsurprised that Ness had picked up on it. "It's been one hell of a week, that's for sure. A lot has happened."

I filled her in on my trip to Napa with Edward—how wonderfully it'd begun and how terribly it had ended. Since one story led to the other, I finished with my time in D.C., and the realizations I'd come to while I was there.

"Holy shit," she said, her eyes wide. "How are you feeling about all of it?"

"Honestly . . . ? Relieved that I was able to say goodbye to Riley and mean it and terrified I won't be able to fix things with Edward." I sighed heavily and shook my head. "I have to make things right between us, Ness."

"You know how I feel about serious relationships for myself," she said, smiling at me. "But I really hope you and Edward can work thing out. He's a great guy, and I think you two are perfect for each other." I smiled at her in appreciation and she continued. "Lord knows, I am the worst person to offer any relationship advice, but this could be a great opportunity for you. If he's willing to give you another chance, you can take your time and really start over with Edward. Get to know him better, show him how invested you are … sweep him off his feet a little."

I nodded. "That's a great idea actually. I'll have to think of some things I could do that he'd like."

"I really hope it works out for you guys," she said sincerely. "I liked Riley, you know I did, but there's just something about Edward. . . ." Her voice trailed off, but I knew exactly what she meant. There _was_ something about Edward, and I wasn't going to let him go without a fight. I'd made mistake after mistake, but this time, I was determined to get it right.

* * *

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